Vertigo
by Cynchick
Summary: Sakura accepts the most critical and dangerous mission of her life, but the price of success may very well be her soul. When your entire world turns upside down, how do you keep from going under? DeiSaku.
1. Prologue: Unforgettable

**Vertigo**

Prologue: Unforgettable

* * *

It hit her like a physical blow.

The massive swell of powerful chakra was so intense it washed over her like a wave and set every hair on her body standing on end. As a medic, she was more sensitive to chakra than most and she had to breathe deeply to steady herself against the pressure and the sensation it caused, almost like nausea but nothing so easily identifiable.

The source of the onslaught became clear as she and the other people on the crowded street were suddenly blinded by an enormous…something…in the sky. Voices rang out around her in confusion and fear as the horizon was rendered a brilliant white, and she was forced to shield her eyes as it only got bigger and brighter. It was so huge that the distance of it was indeterminable, but a heated wind rushed past her face, accompanied by another surge of chakra that sent a violent shiver down the length of her spine.

In all her life, Haruno Sakura had never felt _anything_ like this.

A hushed awe fell over the crowded street, and like the citizens of this town, Sakura stood mesmerized by this towering pillar of pure energy. Of pure _chakra_.

An eternal moment passed, the blinding light eventually began to shrink and fade, and then she was moving.

She took off like a shot, a blurred pink and red streak that frightened and confused the already disoriented crowd. The two startled ninken dogs struggled to catch up to her at first, and then the three of them were racing out of town. She didn't know why, she just knew she had to get _there_. This sort of thing didn't happen every day – or ever – and there was no way she wasn't going to investigate. The rest of her squad had undoubtedly seen it as well, and would be heading toward it this very moment.

They cleared the edge of town and were speeding through the trees of the surrounding forest when suddenly the forest ended. Sakura and the dogs halted in their tracks, three sets of eyes wide with shock. They'd passed through this forest on their way to town and it went on for nearly as far as the eye could see, but now it just…stopped.

Or rather, it was _gone_.

What should have been the heart of the forest was now a wide stretch of nothing that was vaguely round and several miles wide. The dogs sniffed the air eagerly, and Sakura noticed the trees surrounding her were blackened and smoking.

"Was it a fire?" she asked the dogs.

"It was chakra; the same chakra we felt in town when it happened," the smaller dog with the floppy ears replied.

Her eyes widened further as she scanned the scene, hardly daring to believe there could really be a jutsu so powerful it could burn half the forest to the ground within seconds. It occurred to her that maybe they shouldn't be heading out here after all…should at least wait for the others before continuing…

_No_, she told herself, _no way is anything alive out here after _that_, and if it is then it has to be severely weakened and no threat_.

Which brought to mind another possibility; according to the trackers in her platoon, Sasuke was around here somewhere. Was he involved in this? It was too much of a coincidence. Sakura took off once more, the dogs reluctantly but obediently following behind.

The blackened, jagged stumps of what had once been trees grew sparser and disappeared entirely as they sped over the razed terrain toward the middle. Whatever happened here, the answers would be at ground zero. Then she saw it; a smaller crater in the dead center of the utter destruction.

Sweating and a bit winded from the long run, she slowed to a jog as it appeared there really was nothing here anymore, at least nothing worth racing breakneck toward. However a moment later the bigger dog barked sharply, and she held a hand over her eyes to block the sun as she peered at the center of the crater. Her eyes went wide as she realized there _was_ something there! It was partially obscured by clumps of blasted earth but it was not a natural part of the ground and it was fairly large, large enough to be…human sized.

Sakura broke into a run again, skidding down the slope of the crater, boots kicking up a trail of dust as she went. Her stomach lurched in alarm as she got closer and realized it _was_ a human…a man…or what was left of one.

_Oh gods…is it Sasuke?_

Heart pounding, she drew to a stop near the still form and grimaced as she knelt next to the horribly burnt body. Examining what she could make out of the man's appearance, she let out the breath she'd been holding. _Not Sasuke._ But then who? Was she looking at the victim of that terrifying jutsu, or the creator? His skin was blackened and filthy and in several places burnt off completely. Large patches of hair had been seared away but what she could see was long and blond. Definitely not Sasuke. He was bare to the waist, and in the center of his torso was a gruesome wound that looked as though something had been blown right through him. Or right _out_ of him, judging by the direction of torn flesh around the gaping hole. Slowly, she reached out and placed two fingers against his pulse point. She gasped softly.

He was still alive.

The healer in her reacted instantly. Her hands flared green and she began pumping lifesaving chakra into the ghastly wound in his chest. Minutes passed, and she closed her eyes to concentrate, ignoring the beads of sweat rolling down her temple. She couldn't believe he had survived whatever that was…and with the miniature crater in his torso that matched the one he was lying in, she was shocked he had lived long enough for her to get here.

"This man…his chakra is faint, but it's the same as before, back in town," one of the dogs behind her stated.

Sakura froze and her chakra faltered momentarily. This was the creator of that…thing! Had all that energy come bursting out of the hole she was healing? _Who is this person?_ That jutsu was one of the most powerful things she had ever seen, heard or read about. It had destroyed _everything_ for miles around! In other words…

This person was dangerous. Possibly the single most dangerous person she had ever come in contact with.

And Sakura was slowly but surely bringing him back to life.

A long moment passed as she stared at a face she didn't recognize. She didn't know who he was, but she knew he was dangerous, and probably insane too for doing something like this. She could just kill him. She probably _should_ kill him. It would probably be best if she just walked away and let him die.

But the medic in her, the _human_ in her, would not let her do that to a man who, as far as she knew, was not an enemy and had done her no wrong. He was a human being, and he was dying. She shook the thoughts from her head and closed her eyes in concentration as her chakra flared once more.

Several more minutes passed, and with some relief she could actually see the rise and fall of his chest now as she worked. The gaping hole was nearly closed, and his heart rate was elevating to normal levels. She was without any equipment, but medic's instinct was telling her he was steadily pulling through. Suddenly his chest jerked and a weak hack escaped his throat. She tried to ignore the gargled sound of him choking on his own blood as his air passage cleared, continuing the steady stream of lifesaving chakra.

The sounds didn't stop however, only became more rhythmic and controlled and…

Was he _laughing_?

Jade eyes snapped open and focused sharply on the face of the mystery shinobi. Did he think he was dead, or was he just crazy? What the _hell_ was so funny about this situation? Her brow furrowed as she looked down at his face, and was surprised to see two striking blue eyes looking back at her.

A strange moment passed as they simply stared at one another. Then he licked his cracked lips and spoke.

"Fucking ironic," he rasped with another chuckle that sounded more like a nauseated goat.

Her frown only deepened as she tried to wrap her head around this increasingly weird situation. "What is?"

"Life. Or maybe death…considering."

Sakura stared at him.

He smirked at her confusion. "I always wanted to meet you again, yeah."

Sakura was absolutely certain of it now; he really _was_ insane. The batshit kind. She was so thrown off that she was having a hard time concentrating her chakra, and that definitely wasn't helping the situation.

"Me?" she asked, bemused.

Did he just _roll his eyes_ at her?

"Yes _you_, idiot. Do you see anyone else around?"

_Idiot? What the fu_– Sakura tamped down on her fury, thoroughly taken aback by this mystery person whom she supposedly knew somehow. He didn't look familiar, but…there was something about his voice – that accent – that triggered something in the back of her mind. And something about those vibrant, unusual eyes too…

Suddenly it dawned on her who this man was, and though she tried to suppress her startled gasp and widening eyes, he caught the signs of recognition in her face and a smirk formed on his bloodstained lips.

_Akatsuki_.

They _had_ met. Encountered really, several months ago in Wind country. This was Sasori's partner. What had he called him…Dei-something…Deidara? This was the man who attacked Suna. The man who fought the Kazekage and _won_. The man who'd used Gaara's lifeless body as a fucking sofa cushion and then had the gall to slap their deceased friend in the face just to piss off Naruto and goad him into giving chase. Then he'd tried to capture Naruto and kill Kakashi, and eventually attempted to kill them _all_ in some bizarre suicide jutsu. Only he was supposed to be dead. She'd seen him die with her own eyes, right? He should be dead from whatever happened here to rip his chest wide open, too. What kind of insane freak was he to keep surviving this shit? She wondered suddenly if he would be able to survive her choking the life out of his helpless carcass right here and now…Third time's the charm, right?

Only her fingers didn't inch their way up to wrap around his neck; they merely continued to flood his system with her chakra. She should be seeing red. She should be using her more sinister medical skills to sever every artery in his body at the same time. But she found herself oddly captivated by this bizarre situation. One thing sat forefront in her mind at that moment:

"You remember me?"

He laughed again, or croaked, or whatever that disturbing sound coming from him was. It must be laughter, because his azure eyes glinted with amusement.

"Why wouldn't I?"

She didn't know what to say to that. How could he remember her? They hadn't spoken, and he was too busy avoiding death at the hands of her comrades to notice her standing there, right? She remembered _him_, but who wouldn't remember someone bloating and warping and eventually exploding right before their eyes. True, she did kill his partner Sasori, but he wasn't there to see it, so how could he…?

"But…that time…"

He huffed, and this time it sounded more like a laugh than a wheeze. He was rapidly recovering thanks to her efforts, and she didn't know if that was a good thing, or a very, very bad one. It wasn't too late…if she stopped now he would still be too weak to hurt her.

"Are you arguing with me on my deathbed? Some medic you are."

"It's only your deathbed if I let it be."

She did _not_ just say that. What was she thinking? She really should just kill him and be done with it.

He snorted derisively. "That's some power-trip you've got going there."

It _was_ a bit empowering to have one of the most dangerous men in the world utterly at your mercy. Sakura looked down at him, but where she had expected anger and a bruised ego, she saw only intrigue and slight amusement. "I'm a medic; if I choose to finish healing you, you'll live."

_And if I stop, you won't_, was the unspoken ending that he understood perfectly. His eyes narrowed in suspicion and now they did hold a hint of anger. "And why would you want to do that, hm?"

Sakura stared into that pale blue gaze. Why, indeed? She had no answer, for him or for herself. Yet her chakra never stopped, never wavered. She knew who he was now, _what_ he was, what he had done, and that he _was_ in fact an enemy. Yet…crazy as it sounded, something told her that she was doing the right thing, that everything happens for a reason and there _was_ a reason for this. Something told her it would all be okay. She almost laughed aloud. _Okay?_ What she was doing could technically be considered _treason_!

If her squadron showed up she could say she did it so they could take him for interrogation, and then let them take him away to Konoha. If not, then…

Sakura shook her head, bewildered at herself. Her sense of compassion and humanity wasn't _that_ strong…so what the hell was wrong with her?

"Your chakra tingles…I like it," he remarked impishly.

Her eye twitched in annoyance, but she ignored the comment.

Not one to be put off, his smirk only widened. "I bet you can do all sorts of…_interesting_ things with chakra, eh?"

She would _not_ be teased while she saved his bastard life! "Yes, I can. Now shut the hell up jackass, before I show you a few things I consider to be _very_ interesting, starting with the reproductive system."

His smirk fell instantly, and he cast her a wary, sullen glare and then looked away.

For the first time since regaining consciousness, he managed to look down at himself. Suddenly his eyes went wide and he jerked violently as he tried to sit up. "What the fuck? Where is it!" he exclaimed in a near-panic, then he coughed several times and fell back with a wheeze, clutching his chest.

Sakura held him down firmly by the shoulders. "Stop moving, dumbass! If you ruin all the work I just did I'm going to leave you here to die like the bastard you are!" She fixed him with a look that had made men twice her size quake in their boots.

He was too agitated to care, and he shoved her hands away with a glare to rival her own. "What the fuck did you do to me?" he snarled.

For a second she hesitated, because now she could see the dangerous killer in his eyes. But her temper soon got the better of her. "What did I _do_ to you? I _healed_ you, you stupid shithead! But if you _want_ to die out here then by all means say so and I'll be happy to oblige!"

"The seal…where is it?" he growled, glancing down at his dirty, blood-streaked, heavily bruised but otherwise unmarred torso again before giving her another murderous glare.

Sakura was certain that if he wasn't so weak, he would have his hands around her throat right now. But she was utterly baffled by his sudden freakout. "I have no idea what you're talking about. What seal?"

His expression shifted to one of blatant dismay. "My chest…there was nothing there when you found me?"

She nearly laughed at the absurdity of the question. "Oh, there was something there alright; a fucking _hole_ the size of my _head_! If you're that upset it's gone, I can gladly put another one there for you. Just one of the many _interesting_ things I can do with my chakra."

He didn't respond to that and continued to glare at her a moment longer, and then his body relaxed as he frowned and his thoughts turned inward. She returned to quietly healing the minor damage he'd just caused himself. A few minutes later she heard him give a heavy, despondent sigh.

"This wasn't how it was supposed to happen," he murmured.

Surprised by his sudden change in demeanor, she met his eyes again with a small frown. "…What?"

"My masterpiece; the ultimate form of my jutsu. I should have died... "

She was tempted to tell him he sucked at making suicide bombs, because they never seemed to work…but decided now probably wasn't the best time for that joke. At a loss for anything else to say, she simply stated what she already knew; "So that explosion was yours after all."

The smirk reappeared, accompanied by a fervent light in his eyes as he nodded. He winced suddenly at some internal pain, and studied her a long moment before asking, "Was it beautiful? Was it art?"

Art? Sakura didn't know what he meant by _art_…but beautiful? Her mind's eye recalled that incredible sight that lit up the sky, holding her and the entire town mesmerized; an enormous tower of brilliant light shooting straight up to the heavens, shimmering like some ethereal otherworldly creature as it reached to touch the sun. It appeared all of a sudden, and was gone only a few moments later, but it was a vision she would remember for the rest of her days.

"…It was," she replied softly.

He smiled at her then, not a smirk but a genuine smile that lit his eyes with inner joy. "I knew I would like you, yeah," he said quietly.

Even though he was covered in burns and dirt and blood, she suddenly noticed a few things she hadn't before. One: he was young, couldn't be more than a year or two older than she was. Two: His eyes were _really_ blue. And three: under all that mess, he was beautiful.

The latter thought was _not_ welcome, however true it may be, so she pushed it aside and continued to work, hoping desperately that he didn't notice her blushing.

Several more minutes passed as she diligently healed his internal organs and many of the surface burns that would get infected if left untreated. The bruising and superficial cuts he would just have to deal with until they healed on their own, because she was not going to unnecessarily deplete her chakra for him. For some absurd reason she couldn't explain to herself, she decided to heal all the burns on his face so they wouldn't leave scars. She had to be losing her goddamn mind if she was concerned about marring the handsome features of an Akatsuki.

The entire time he never once looked away from her face, simply watched her with mild fascination. It was not helping her concentration, a fact made worse when he was stable enough to actually sit up and entered what Sakura considered to be an overly close proximity to her. She wasn't really afraid, merely unnerved. He didn't notice or didn't care, and she pretended it didn't affect her as she continued her task.

In the end she decided not to heal him completely. She may be out of her damn mind, but she still wasn't stupid. He would live and avoid later infection if he took care of himself, but he was physically weak, still in a good deal of pain, and almost completely out of chakra. If he attacked her now she could easily kill him.

Suddenly the sound of several dogs barking and baying could be heard in the distance, and the two ninken with her – who had been sitting around for the last thirty minutes in a canine version of perplexity – suddenly rose to their feet with soft woofs of recognition.

Her chakra output ceased and her hands dropped to rest on her thighs. "There. You'll live," she said wearily, the strain of the complex procedure beginning to take a toll on her. "Now get out of here before my teammates show up."

He grinned at her, appearing completely unconcerned with her approaching comrades, though he rose to his knees. "I'll have to thank you properly some other time, yeah," he said mischievously, leaning closer to her.

Sakura felt the blush tinge her cheeks at the glint in his eye and the hint of innuendo in his tone. She covered it by scowling at him. "You can thank me by making better use of your life now that you have a second chance," she reproved, knowing full well that he wouldn't.

His grin settled into what she assumed was probably his customary smirk, and he gave her a long, thoughtful look. She had no idea what he was thinking, but somehow she couldn't help but feel drawn in by something in those vibrant blue eyes.

Their little moment was interrupted by more barking, closer this time, and the ninken behind Sakura barked in answer to their packmates. Her gaze flicked from the dogs back to the man in front of her, a hint of urgency creeping into her expression.

"What's your name?" he asked.

For the first time, a small smile formed on her lips. "Sakura."

She could see the thoughts relating her name to her appearance turning over behind his eyes, but he didn't make that annoyingly cliché comment she was so used to hearing. Instead, he leaned just a bit closer. "I definitely won't forget, yeah. I'm–"

"I know," she confirmed quietly.

He grinned again, and she noted that his smile was just slightly crooked. It fit him perfectly, she decided, and was mortified that it sent tiny flutters through her insides. He rose up on one knee, making to stand, but then suddenly paused and turned to look at her again. The next thing she knew he snaked an arm around her waist, pulled her flush against him, and sealed his lips to hers.

Jade eyes went wide as saucers, and a tiny startled squeak escaped her throat. Her hands lay flat against his bare chest, but much to her dismay, she couldn't make herself push. In fact, she felt her mouth going slack under the firm yet oddly gentle assault of his lips. She wasn't exactly kissing back, but neither was she resisting. For all the urgency of the situation, his kiss felt unhurried, and he brought his other hand up to hold the back of her head as his arm tightened around her waist. It was relatively chaste, but there was a definite promise of _more_, and another soft sound escaped her – she refused to believe it was protest – as he pulled back and looked at her face.

Flushed and slightly breathless as she recovered from the most exhilarating ten seconds of her entire life, her eyes fluttered open – when had she closed them? – and met his mischievous yet surprisingly warm gaze.

"I'll see you again someday, Sakura. Don't forget about me," he said in a low, husky tone that resonated to some deeper place inside of her that she hadn't known existed until this moment.

And then he was gone.

The barking grew louder, and she could feel the first traces of approaching chakra now. She stood and wiped the dirt from her clothing and knees, checking to make sure she had none of his blood on her. Turning to the two who had witnessed everything, she gave them a slightly pleading look. "Please don't tell the others about this just yet."

The dogs stared at her. "Tell them what?" the smaller one said evenly.

Sakura smiled faintly, reminding herself to bake them some doggie biscuits when she got home. She turned in the direction the mysteriously charming Akatsuki had streaked away to with a look of wonder. She brought her fingertips to her lips and a small smile formed there as she remembered everything that just transpired between herself and one of the most wanted men in the world. If she closed her eyes she could still feel him there, pressing against her.

'_Don't forget about me,'_ he'd said. Her smile widened. She definitely wouldn't forget. Not ever. In fact, she had a feeling she would have a hard time putting this strange encounter out of her mind for quite a while.

The bastard _had_ just stolen her first kiss, after all.

"Sakura-chaaaan!"

She turned around to see her squad approaching down the slope of the crater, and she waved her hand back and forth over her head in response to Naruto's call. Suddenly she paused, and looked over her shoulder again at the empty expanse and distant treeline. She belatedly realized she had forgotten to ask him what he was even doing out here.

He had said he would see her again someday. That was probably the worst idea in the history of ideas, but a tiny part of her secretly hoped he would keep that promise.

She shook her head and emitted a small, quiet laugh before turning to meet up with her team.


	2. Still Waters Run Stagnant

**Vertigo**

Chapter Two: Still Waters Run Stagnant

* * *

On her first day off in weeks, Sakura was awoken at the crack of dawn by the Apocalypse.

At least that's how it seemed to her sleep-fogged mind, judging by the loud crashing and thumping coming from the direction of what sounded suspiciously like her kitchen. Reaching for the kunai stashed under her pillow, she slipped from her bed and padded silently down the hall, channeling chakra into her fist in preparation to firmly lodge that kunai into the skull of whoever had dared wake her up this early.

Upon rounding the corner and discovering the source of the racket, she immediately wished the kunai in her hand was a baseball bat.

"Sai! Naruto! What the HELL are you doing?"

Her shriek visibly startled both men. Sai's dark head whipped around to stare at her from his crouched position atop her kitchen counter, while Naruto shot up abruptly from halfway inside the refrigerator, banging his head on the doorframe hard enough to make the interior light flicker. Several of her pots and pans were scattered across the floor.

"Owww! Sakura-chan, don't startle us like that!" Naruto grumbled, rubbing the top of his head.

Sakura huffed in indignant outrage. "_I_ startled _you_? Why the _hell_ are you two in my kitchen in the middle of the night?"

"It's not the middle of the night. It's four twenty-seven a.m. That's technically morning," Sai informed lightly.

"I don't care what time it is! It's too goddamn early to be woken up by you idiots and you _still_ haven't told me what the hell you're doing here!"

Naruto grinned sheepishly. "Well, you see…we had this really great idea, but the stores are all closed right now and…do you have any cheese?"

Her jaw dropped. "_Cheese?_ You broke into my house and raided my kitchen in the middle of the night for _cheese_?"

"Um…yes? See, we had this totally awesome idea—"

She threw a hand up. "Stop! I don't. Want. To know." Her eye was beginning to twitch, but she sighed heavily and willed herself to remain somewhat calm. "Why are my dishes all over the floor?"

"We didn't want to turn a light on, but neither of us really knows our way around your kitchen…and well, I guess we just bumped into stuff," Naruto explained lamely.

She rolled her eyes. "You guys are the worst ninja _ever_. And Sai, _why_ exactly are you rummaging in my cupboards?"

Sai glanced at the open cabinets before him and shrugged. "I'm not familiar with the proper place to store cheese; I've never had it. So when Dickless said there wasn't any in the refrigerator I thought I'd look here. So…do you have any?"

Sakura's only reply was to walk up to the artist and smack him hard upside the head, and then she turned to Naruto and did the same to him. Both men knew better than to try and dodge; that would only set them up for a much harder beating.

She glared at them with arms crossed. "It's too early for your shenanigans. Both of you assholes get out. Now. Before I kill you." She turned and stomped back toward the hallway, but then stopped and faced them again. "Actually, clean up your mess first, _then_ get out. I'm going back to bed."

As she walked away, Naruto glanced at his accomplice. "She's more like Baa-chan than ever lately," he muttered under his breath.

Sai nodded and hopped down. "Let's go. She must be on her period."

Whatever Naruto intended to say in reply was cut off by a yelp as a kunai thudded into the wall between their heads.

Sakura shut her bedroom door loudly, locked it, and then flopped onto her bed with an aggravated sigh. She loved her boys, but sometimes she really wanted to strangle them.

She surrendered to the pull of sleep, hoping this didn't foreshadow what the rest of her day off would be like.

* * *

Due to the unexpected 'visit' and loss of precious sleep, Sakura didn't wake up again until nearly noon. Which was a bad thing, because she was supposed to meet her friends for lunch in less than an hour.

She rolled out of bed and plodded to her bathroom on autopilot, bleary eyes still half closed. Damn those two for waking her up like that! They'd better have cleaned up their mess and they'd better have locked her door on the way out. And they'd _better not_ have stolen her beer.

Twenty minutes later she was back in her room, fully refreshed after a shower and teeth brushing. She stared at herself in the full-length mirror on the back of the door, jade eyes critically scanning her appearance. No new bruises today, a little surprising considering she'd been training every day after her hospital shifts with her teammates, or occasionally Tsunade if she had the time, and the sessions had become increasingly rigorous lately. But it had been months now since her drive to perfect her abilities had kicked in, so maybe her body was finally hardened to abuse and didn't take injury as easily anymore. Exactly how she wanted it.

Not that she needed to train so hard. It wasn't like she was going for ANBU or anything. But perhaps eliminating her physical weaknesses would help to cover her all too easily identifiable emotional ones.

When she was younger she hadn't wanted to train her body much at all, concerned that developing muscles on her arms and legs would make her unfeminine and unappealing to men. Now as an adult she knew that wasn't true, at least among ninja. After years of training Sakura was lithe and toned, a fact she was proud of and had worked hard for. She moved from the mirror and dressed in tight black shorts and a snug mesh tank top. On top of her tank she donned the high collared, sleeveless crimson shirt with her family crest printed on the back. She buckled her medic's apron and slipped on her elbow guards before shrugging into her jounin vest, then returned to the bathroom to comb out her short hair and tie her hitai-ate. Satisfied with her appearance, she flipped the light switch and headed out to the main area of her apartment.

Her teammates had at least cleaned up her kitchen before they left. Their antics weren't much of a surprise, really. They may be elite jounin now, but in many ways they were still like fifteen year-old boys. Their team leader wasn't much better. Kakashi didn't play stupid pranks or act like a fool, but occasionally his mentality was just as juvenile as his younger teammates. And Sakura fit right in, because she had a bit of a petty vindictive streak and inwardly she rather enjoyed the stunts and practical jokes her boys pulled, as long as it wasn't on her. Yes, they made quite the team.

Briefly she assessed her living space to make sure they'd left it intact. Not that she had much worth damaging, since she wasn't home enough to worry about things like matching furniture or stylish décor, and hadn't made much attempt to personalize the place since moving in a year ago. Satisfied that nothing was broken or missing, she pulled on her knee-high leather boots and headed out the door.

She was running a little late, so she was slightly surprised when she arrived at the small café to find only two of her friends waiting. Ino and Hinata occupied a booth by the window, and as she approached the blonde threw her an enthusiastic wave. Hinata looked over her shoulder and smiled at her. Sakura smiled back as she drew up to the table.

"Hey, Forehead."

"Hi, Sakura."

"Hey guys. Where's Tenten?" She slid into the booth next to Hinata.

Ino shrugged. "Don't know. She didn't cancel, so I guess she's just running late."

"Maybe she overslept because two obnoxious guys broke into her house last night too," Sakura said, picking up the menu.

"Say _what_?"

"Oh, nothing. What's the special? I'm starving."

Tenten arrived fifteen minutes later and slid in next to Ino with a sheepish smile. The three girls stared at her, bemused, because the weapons master was slightly flushed and her long brown hair was pulled into a loose ponytail rather than the customary buns.

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept," she said quickly.

"See?" Sakura remarked smugly.

"See what?"

"Were you woken late at night by some guy? Because apparently Sakura was, but she won't give details," Ino explained. She was staring expectantly at Sakura, but she still noticed Tenten nearly choke on her water.

"It wasn't _some guy_; it was Naruto and Sai. They broke into my apartment in the dead of night, looking for _cheese_ of all things."

She was met with blank stares.

"Cheese," Tenten clarified flatly.

"Yeah," she affirmed, just as mystified as they were.

"What's _wrong_ with those two?" Ino groaned.

"Kiba-kun does things like that, too. I think it's funny actually," Hinata said with a small giggle, clearly finding the guys' antics more cute than annoying.

"So Tenten," Ino redirected, casting a sly look at the brunette, "did you really oversleep this morning…or were you imprisoned in bed by a pair of muscular male arms?"

Tenten refused to meet Ino's perceptive aqua gaze. "I overslept."

"Pig, your mind is always in the gutter. You need to get laid or something."

Ino raised a finely manicured brow. "Don't we all. Well maybe not Tenten…I think she already did."

Three pairs of eyes turned intently to Tenten, who had turned a deep shade of magenta.

"So is it true?" the blonde prodded.

Her brown eyes flicked downward, but after a moment a tiny smile curled her lips. "Maybe…"

Ino grinned triumphantly, and Hinata blushed nearly as pink as the brunette, a knowing look on her face.

Sakura couldn't help but be curious now. "Who is it?"

"Who else would it be?" Ino answered. She fixed the girl next to her with a saucy grin. "So how long have you been banging that hottie Hyuuga?"

Tenten's eyes widened, and Hinata blinked quickly and stared at her lap, uncomfortable with Ino's crass comment about her cousin.

"Um…since last night. Apparently I'm wearing a sign or something," she muttered dryly.

"Who made the first move?"

"_He_ did." Her expression said she couldn't quite believe it herself.

Hinata looked up at that. "Really?"

"Woooowww. 'Bout time you staked your claim on that, Ten. So is it like, official now?" Ino wondered.

Giddiness overcame her embarrassment, and she smiled. "Um…well, Neji doesn't really do anything on impulse, so…I guess it is."

Sakura smiled at her. "We're happy for you, Tenten."

"Thanks. So Ino, let's discuss _your_ love life now, shall we? Who's your boy-toy thisweek?" Tenten asked, turning the tables on her nosy friend.

"I'm not dating anyone at the moment," Ino replied airily, flipping her ponytail over her shoulder.

"Shocking. I never thought I'd see the day you weren't interested in someone."

Much to their surprise, Ino – vain, confident, and often shameless – was _actually_ blushing.

"I didn't say I wasn't interested in someone…just that I'm not dating anyone."

"Spill," Sakura commanded.

Ino looked around shiftily. "It's a really new development…you guys promise you won't tell anyone else?"

"No," Tenten answered wickedly.

Ino looked anxious, which baffled them all. "Guys…"

"I was just messing. No, of course we won't tell. Now spill it!"

Ino took a deep breath. "Okay, well…lately I've sort of been having these…feelings…for uh…oneofmyteammates," she blurted.

"_Shikamaru?_" Tenten hissed, leaning downward as the four women huddled over the table conspiratorially. "That's bad, Ino; he's engaged to Temari!"

Ino sputtered and nearly choked. "Oh _hell_ no. Not _him_. She can have him; she's probably the only one who can put up with him anyway. I can barely get him to listen to me half the time. I mean don't get me wrong, I adore the guy, but he's just so…" She waved a hand abstractedly, lacking the proper word. "No, it's uh…not him," she finished meekly.

Tenten gasped. "Oh…oh _wow_…Ino! _Seriously?_"

She looked embarrassed, but smiled softly and nodded. "Well, yeah. I guess I'm tired of all the usual guys. I mean, I only go out with them 'cause they're hot, and I think they only go out with me because _I'm_ hot…and it's just…unsatisfying." Her friends were too shocked to roll their eyes at her vanity, and after a moment she sighed and continued. "But Chouji is different from other guys. He's never treated me like that…like I'm just some trophy to parade around. He treats me like a real person, a person he actually _likes_ talking to. He's always there…and just, well…he's great."

"Our little Ino is all grown up," Sakura teased.

"Shut up, Forehead," she retorted, but couldn't hide her silly grin.

"I think it's really great, Ino. I think Chouji-kun would be very good to you," Hinata said.

"And good _for_ her," Tenten added.

"That's if I ever get the guts to do something about it," she muttered, mashing her straw repeatedly into her icewater. "I would just die if I confessed to him and he didn't feel the same."

Sakura gave a small laugh. "I don't think you'll have to worry about that. I think Chouji's had it bad for you for a looong time."

Ino brightened. "Really? Why do you say that?"

She shrugged. "Call it woman's intuition."

"Hm. Maybe I will, then." A familiar twinkle appeared in her aqua eyes. "You know…he's not even fat anymore, really. He's like a big, strong…bear. I find it rather attractive, actually."

The girls sat back as their food was brought to the table, and their conversation turned to lighthearted things. But after a while Sakura found herself tuning out as the topic rotated from men, to village gossip, to clothes, to the season's new shade of nail polish. Hinata was nearly as quiet; the modest girl only changed the subject if she was offended by the topic, which was rare. Tenten could usually be relied on to discuss more interesting things, like new prototypes of weaponry, but apparently the new development with Neji had her in a particularly _girly_ mood today.

Sakura didn't fit in with this kind of thing anymore. She wished she could slip away to somewhere else, talk about something else, _do_ something else. But it always wound up like this. Every day was starting to feel like the same old, same old. It felt like stagnation was slowly creeping over her life. She had fallen into a rut; hospital, train, hospital, mission, hospital… She needed a change. A big one. She could always join ANBU, but it wasn't really her thing. Too many lunatics, and her medical skills were better used helping the majority and not obscured in the shadows. And it would take her away from her teammates and friends, which she definitely didn't want, because they were all she had. That left her with few options for the kind of change she was looking for.

Sakura wasn't really _un_happy, it was just that she thought life as a shinobi should be more exciting than this. Not that she was looking for a war to break out, or for Akatsuki to show up outside the gates…but she felt like something was missing from her life, and she just didn't know what it was.

Tenten was the first to leave after they finished eating, smiling and murmuring something about having agreed to meet Neji in a little while. Hinata said goodbye shortly after, quieter than usual and lost in her thoughts. Sakura stood up to let her out of the booth and then settled back in, absently stirring her half empty glass as Ino fixed her with an appraising stare.

"You're being awfully quiet today."

"Sorry if I'm not that interested in the latest sale on skincare products," she said dryly.

Ino emitted a long-suffering sigh and rolled her eyes at her oldest friend. "Yeah I know. You always were a tomboy, Forehead. Even though you faked it for so many years I still knew. But you've been kinda off lately, even for you. You sure nothing's bothering you?"

Sakura gave a slight shrug. "Not really. I've just been really…_bored_, lately. Nothing exciting ever happens anymore."

"In our line of work that's usually considered a good thing."

"I guess. I just feel like I need more out of life than I'm currently getting, that's all."

A knowing smirk pulled at Ino's full, glossy lips. "What you need is a man."

Sakura scoffed. "Right."

"Seriously, Sakura. You haven't dated anyone since Sasuke, and it's been over a year since he—"

"I don't want to talk about that, Ino," she cut her off tersely.

Ino frowned at her. "Fine. But you need to move on."

"It's not about that," she defended irritably. "I've explained all this before. Finding the perfect man isn't my top priority in life."

"It doesn't have to be. But I think you'll find a big piece of the puzzle will always be missing until you find somebody to love. You're better than what you got from that asshole and you deserve to be happy."

Sakura shot her a brief glare, but let the comment go since she knew Ino was only looking out for her. That, and she was right.

"What about Naruto?"

Her gaze sharpened. "What about him?"

Ino gave her a pointed look.

Sakura sighed wearily. "It's not like that with him, Ino."

"Doesn't mean it couldn't be…"

"I'm surprised you of all people are advocating Naruto."

Ino shrugged. "He's changed a lot over the years. Grew up into kind of a hottie too. _And_ he's most likely going to be Hokage someday. He's a good guy."

Sakura nodded. "He _is_ a good guy. Probably the best I've ever known. But it's never going to be like that with us."

"How do you know?"

"…Because we've already talked about it," she said quietly.

Ino's brow shot up in surprise. "When did this happen?"

"…Not long after the whole Sasuke thing."

A look of understanding came over her features. "Ah. And?"

She shrugged. "We don't have those kinds of feelings for each other, that's all."

"How sure are you about that? He used to have a huge crush on you…"

"He got over it."

"Are you _sure_?"

"_Yes_, Ino. Naruto and I love each other very much, just not in _that_ way and we never will. I know he's probably the best guy I'll ever find. I wish I could love him like that, believe me. But I just _can't_. We'll never be more than best friends, and you know, it's probably better that way." Ino was her best female friend, but she was also the village gossip, so Sakura wasn't about to tell her that she and Naruto had already been down that road.

After Sasuke betrayed them _again_, they turned to each other for support, helping each other through one of the worst emotional trials of their lives. One night Naruto had been helping her move into her new, hastily leased apartment, but they hadn't unpacked much and sat around drinking instead. After a lot of talking and a _lot_ of alcohol, they ended up making out on Sakura's couch, and then fell asleep together shortly after. Confused about what had happened and unsure of what it meant for them, they tried again a couple days later when sober. What they both realized after that second experimental kiss, was that they just didn't feel it for each other. The spark just wasn't there. They agreed then not to go any further down that road and try to force something that just didn't feel right. In the awkward days that followed, Sakura had been afraid something had been ruined and she would lose him, too. But in the end their mutual realization had solidified their bond of friendship; it eliminated that uncertain factor of 'what if' and allowed them to become truly close.

"You know what your problem is?"

Sakura shot her a flat glare. "Do enlighten me."

"You're a fixer."

"A what?"

Ino sighed dramatically. "A fixer. You have a need to fix things that are broken. You're a medic with too much compassion for your own good, and I think your taste in men is based on that same nurturing quality. Sasuke was as broken as they get, so of course you fell head over heels in love with him. You want to be the one to fix what hurts them, to take away their pain. You can't love Naruto 'cause he's not broken anymore, but I wouldn't be surprised if the next guy you fell for had as many if not more issues than the last."

"I'm not deluded enough to believe I can magically fix anyone." _Not anymore_. "And that's _not_ why I don't have feelings for Naruto," she said curtly.

Ino clearly didn't believe her, and Sakura sighed heavily before turning her head to stare blankly out the window. "You can't force something that's not there. When two people are together…there should be _passion_. It should excite you; make your stomach do little flip-flops when you see them, make your heart beat faster when they get close…without that it's not satisfying, like you said. It's just…convenient. I want more than that."

Sakura also couldn't tell Ino that the feeling she'd just described…she hadn't really felt it with Sasuke either. Her mind was travelling to _that_ place again, that secret that only she and two well-bribed ninken dogs knew, of that one brief moment five years ago when she had felt the _exact_ feeling she'd described in the arms of a dangerous wanted man. She'd thought for some time after that it had been the thrill of the moment, the shock, the danger of the situation. But the clarity of experience told her it was more than that. Just one kiss, her first, no more than ten seconds of her life, but she was sure that was what '_it_' was; that sense of exhilaration and passion she hadn't really felt since. Even after five years the memory still crept up on her occasionally, mostly at very inconvenient times. Like now.

Ino continued to watch her for a moment, then laughed and shook her head. "You know, I don't know whether to respect you for not settling, or smack you for keeping your head up in the clouds. But you've always been a dreamer, Forehead. Maybe that's why you've excelled so far beyond anyone's expectations, while I'm still a chuunin struggling to master my own clan's higher level jutsu."

Sakura looked back to her friend and couldn't help but smile, though it wasn't entirely heartfelt. "At least you beat me in the game of love, Pig."

Ino grinned and waved a hand dismissively. "Don't lose hope. That guy is out there somewhere; the one that'll rock your socks off. You'll find him someday, Sakura. You'll see."

* * *

Sakura left the café shortly afterward, making some excuse about a meeting with Tsunade even though Ino was fully aware it was her day off. The pestering about her love life, or lack thereof, had put her in a bad mood. Especially since Ino had repeatedly mentioned _him_.

Thinking about it still hurt, in that dull, bitter way that caused no real pain anymore but left a weary feeling of resentment.

They got Sasuke back when Sakura was sixteen. They found him in an old fortress, fighting Itachi in a gruesome battle, and when they came upon them both were near death. Her squad was eight strong but they hadn't interfered, including Naruto, because even he could see it was over. But they hadn't known another Akatsuki was present until he flew out of the wall and snatched a near-unconscious Itachi from harm's way. He had said something to Sasuke about Itachi not being 'allowed' to die yet, and then they had vanished. It happened so fast and they were so surprised that they weren't able to react before the others were gone without a trace. Sasuke had collapsed from chakra depletion and blood loss, Sakura had stabilized him, and then they returned to Konoha.

The next several months were very difficult. Things with the members of Team Seven were strained, and Sasuke and Sai openly despised each other. What they discovered was that Sasuke was not the same person anymore, and neither were they. Their dynamic, fragile as it had been, was ruined. They tried and tried, at least Sakura and Naruto had, but it was gone. Over time they had come to consider Sai a true member of their team, a true friend, and his constant fighting with Sasuke had torn their loyalties. Oftentimes Naruto found himself siding with the artist, as had Sakura, something that confused them both because they never thought they'd see the day.

Once his probation ended, Sasuke joined ANBU instead of Team Kakashi. Things got better after that; they didn't have to work together and could try to start over. Sasuke was bitter and resentful that he'd come so close to his goal and failed at the last moment. He must have wanted to blame them, but he couldn't, and eventually he allowed their continued offers of friendship and support, though if he had ever given anything in return they could no longer recall.

A little over a year after his return, her tentative friendship with Sasuke had turned into more. Sakura was never sure why he'd taken it there, and when she thought about it now she wasn't really sure why she had either. She supposed Ino was right. She was a fixer, or at least had been back then, and she had wanted so badly to fix him, to heal him, to give him peace of mind and show him there was more than blood and death and vengeance, that he had _them_. She wasn't naïve enough anymore to dream of happiness and rainbows, but she had hoped that they might be okay.

And for a while, they were. Physically it was great, because Sasuke always made a point of being good at everything he did. But something was missing even there, because although their bodies connected, they were never _intimate_. He was cold, detached. Oh, she knew he cared about her in his way, had cared about Naruto too, but that thing inside that allowed him to truly connect to people was long gone.

Another year passed before she fully realized he would never be capable of loving her, but what hurt most was the realization that she didn't love him either. The disillusionment was hard after so many years of dreaming, convincing herself he could become the man she envisioned in her head if only he accepted her love. But he was never that man, and there was nothing to love, because Sasuke was a selfish, empty shell of a person existing only to fulfill whatever ambition he set for himself. Sakura began to lie to him about controlling her fertility with medical jutsu. She didn't want to have his children, not without love. In fact, the more she thought about it the more she realized she didn't want children, _period_. Sasuke seemed to sense her emotional withdrawal and grew even more distant, but she couldn't bring herself to leave him, because she believed he needed her in ways he didn't even realize. She had been wrong. A third year passed, and Sakura had bitterly waited for her house of cards to fall.

And fall it did. Like an avalanche. Three years after they brought him back half dead and gave so much of their time and effort and hearts to help him, two years after Sakura became his lover, Sasuke left them again. While out on a mission with ANBU he'd gotten wind of Itachi, and had fled after seriously injuring his cell when they tried to stop him. They hadn't been foolish enough to believe he'd given up on vengeance, but they hadn't expected him to go that far. He was a true traitor, and there was no coming back.

Angry, betrayed and heartbroken, Team Kakashi had been part of the multi-squad pursuit, fully aware that it was not a recovery mission. They wanted a confrontation, wanted reasons, wanted _closure_. But they never got it, because after a month of searching, all they found was Sasuke's corpse. His eyes had been slashed by the kunai found in his hand, as if he'd done it himself as a last resort for some purpose they may never know.

It had all been for nothing.

They were devastated, especially Naruto who remained optimistic until the end. They returned to Konoha, filled with bitter despair. It took a long time to come to terms with everything and overcome the guilt they felt, to accept that they did everything they could, but Sasuke simply didn't want to be saved. It wasn't their fault. It was his, and he brought his tragic end upon himself.

Their team's bond was solid and would remain that way, but in the year since that difficult time they had begun to see less and less of each other. Naruto was kept close to the village due to the Akatsuki threat, for even though there had been no news of their doings in a while, they were still out there. Team Kakashi didn't get many group missions nowadays. Sakura missed her boys. Maybe that was part of the reason why life generally sucked nowadays.

Sakura laughed suddenly upon realizing that as she'd been brooding and walking toward home on autopilot, she'd taken the street where Ichiraku stood and sure enough, Naruto was there on his favorite stool that he'd occupied nearly every day since childhood. Never predictable but always reliable, that was Naruto.

He sensed her presence and turned on his stool to grin hugely and wave her over. She started toward him, mood already lightening. Naruto had an almost magical ability to cheer her up no matter how shitty she felt. She could use that right now, and she returned his smile as she took her usual seat on his left.

"Hey, Sakura-chan. Uh…sorry we woke you up last night." He grinned sheepishly.

She cast him a sidelong glare, one that lacked any real anger. "You're lucky I didn't have to work today. Next time you break into my house try to be a little stealthier; you are a ninja after all. Did you ever find what you were after?"

He nodded and slurped another mouthful of noodles. "Yup. We got it from the kitchen in the Academy, you know, the one they use to teach kunoichi how to cook and stuff."

"You broke into the _Academy_? I hope you were quieter than you were in my house."

He shrugged dismissively. "Psh, it was too easy."

Sakura didn't ask him to elaborate. Contrary to popular belief among the villagers, Naruto was neither clumsy nor stupid. He liked to throw people off so he let them think what they wanted, a trick she believed he cultivated from his mentor, Jiraiya. However, she was one of the few who knew that when he wanted to be, Naruto was one of the most skilled and dangerous shinobi alive. He was also one of the goofiest practical jokers in the five nations. "So what did you need cheese so badly for?"

"Thought you didn't wanna know?" he answered slyly.

Sakura shrugged, a smirk pulling at her lips. "I didn't. But I'm curious now that I know you went to so much trouble to get it."

Naruto snickered and gave her a knowing look. "Yeah, sure. We know you get a kick out of our pranks, Sakura-chan."

She gave him a playful shove. "Just tell me already."

A very mischievous, fox-like expression formed on his features, and he leaned closer. "We took the cheese and hid it under the bottom of Kiba's ANBU locker."

Sakura was incredulous. "So not only did you break into the Academy, you snuck into ANBU HQ as well? You guys are insane. I take it this was payback for Kiba replacing Sai's ink with soy sauce last week?"

"Damn right! It's gonna be fuckin' awesome too; that dog nose of his will be smelling it rot for weeks!"

She had to laugh at the mental image. "I can't believe you guys still do this kind of thing at your age. You still act like teenagers even though Sai's twenty-one already and you'll be twenty in a couple months."

Naruto slumped in a pout. "Don't remind me I'm the baby," he grumbled. "Want some ramen? I'll buy this time."

"No thanks. I just had lunch with the girls."

Naruto visibly perked at that. "Yeah? Was Hinata there?"

Surprised by his sudden interest, she gave him a shrewd look. "Of course. Why do you ask?"

He busied himself with gathering a huge cluster of noodles onto his chopsticks. "Uh…no reason, really. Just curious," he replied quickly before stuffing his face.

Sakura continued to stare at him as he chewed, and Naruto casually ignored her. She gave up after a couple minutes and her gaze wandered out to the street where the busy market was in full swing.

"I think I like her."

She'd been spacing out, but at the abrupt comment her eyes snapped back to her friend. "Who?" Then it dawned on her, and her eyes widened. "Oh! _Really?_"

Naruto grinned and scratched at his head self-consciously. "Yeah..."

"Since when?"

"Um…I don't really know. Not very long ago. It just kinda hit me one day. I know a lot of people think she's weird…and, well, she kinda _is_…but she's also really nice, and she's given me really good advice a couple times, and…" he grinned even wider, "and she's _really_ pretty."

Sakura beamed at him. It was about damned time. Though, everyone always figured Naruto would finally realize Hinata had been pining for him for years and then come to this conclusion afterward. But she was glad he'd come to it on his own, otherwise it may not have sunk in for _another_ decade. "So when are you gonna ask her out?"

Before Naruto could answer, two ANBU suddenly flickered into sight directly behind them. They both turned around in surprise.

"Haruno Sakura," addressed a muted voice.

She recognized their masks as two of Tsunade's personal ANBU guard. "Yes…?"

"The Hokage wishes to speak with you."

"Just me?" she asked hesitantly, glancing at Naruto, who was equally puzzled.

"Correct. Please report to her office immediately." And with that, they vanished.

"Weird. Wonder what Baa-chan needs you for on your day off…"

Sakura stood up and straightened her medic's apron. "Maybe there's an emergency at the hospital. Whatever it is, it's best not to keep her waiting when she makes it all official like this. We'll finish talking later, okay?"

"'Kay. Bye."

She gave a short wave and jogged across the street, then leapt onto the rooftop and sprinted away toward the Hokage tower.


	3. Rubicon

**Vertigo**

Chapter Three: Rubicon

* * *

"You wanted to speak with me, Shishou?"

Tsunade looked up from behind her massive desk, where she had been reading a scroll. "Yes. Shut the door, and have a seat, Sakura."

Sakura complied, a small frown forming at her mentor's unusually somber tone. She glanced at Kakashi, who leaned against the wall with arms crossed. She got the feeling something rather serious was going on. "Why are you here, Kakashi? Do we have a mission? What about Naruto and Sai?"

"It was you alone I wanted to talk to," Tsunade answered instead. "Kakashi is here because he's your team leader, but no one can know of this conversation but the three of us. What we are about to discuss will not leave this room, understood?"

Jade eyes widened slightly at the dire command. Nervous excitement began to creep over her, and she quickly nodded. "Yes."

"Good." Tsunade steepled her fingers beneath her chin. "Ever since Jiraiya—" She paused, her features tightening ever so slightly, and then began again. "Ever since Jiraiya was lost, we've had no real insight on Akatsuki. His message containing info about their leader was the last we received on the organization, and that was five years ago. We don't know the identity of his sources and they haven't come forward, so contact with them is impossible. Akatsuki went suspiciously quiet after what happened in Rain, but it appears they're on the move again. We've just learned that they have succeeded in capturing the seven-tail jinchuuriki."

Sakura's eyes widened in mounting alarm. "That means…"

Tsunade nodded grimly. "They only need two more. It's only a matter of time before they come for Naruto, and I don't doubt they'll destroy the village to get to him. We can't send an army to Rain, because that would spread our numbers too thin in the event of an attack. But at the same time, we can't just sit by and wait for them to come knocking on our door. They must be stopped before it gets to that point."

Sakura stared between her superiors, apprehension growing as the wheels turned in her mind. "What does this have to do with me, aside from my connection to Naruto. What am I here for?"

Tsunade studied Sakura with a mixture of concern and resolution. "I'm going to offer you the most critically important, and undoubtedly the most dangerous mission you will ever have. Because of the extreme level of physical and psychological risk involved, if you feel you cannot do it, you are allowed to decline."

Sakura was taken aback, her lips parted in wary surprise. Never had she heard the Hokage speak so seriously, especially not to her. She looked to Kakashi, who gave away little about the situation, but Sakura was well-practiced in reading blank expressions and what she saw in that one dark eye was grave indeed. Her voice was low and somber as she finally asked, "What is the mission?"

"I want you to join Akatsuki."

Now Sakura understood why she was told to sit down, as the weight of those words hit her full force and a flood of dread and shock coursed through her body. Her mouth gaped and tried unsuccessfully to form words, and when she was finally able to speak all she could manage was a flat "What."

Tsunade sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "I want you, no, I _need_ you to find a way to infiltrate Akatsuki and obtain the intel we need to stop them. Not as a servant or captive medic, but as a full-fledged member with all knowledge and privileges. We need to know their movements, their progress with the jinchuuriki hunt, and most importantly we need to know exactly what they plan to do with the tailed demons. Your job is to get us that information, as well as locations of safehouses and the names, descriptions and special abilities of each of the members. They are very secretive, and very good about maintaining that secrecy. We need to break that trend and put an end to the organization once and for all, before it's too late."

Sakura was staggered, and could only stare blankly ahead of her as if she hadn't quite heard right. But there could be no mistaking _this_.

Tsunade watched her a moment, and then continued in that same grave tone, "Obviously you can't simply knock on their door and ask to be let in; they're too smart and too suspicious and would kill you on the spot. You have to gain their trust. There's only one way to convince them: you will have to become a missing-nin, and let _them_ come to _you_.

"Before you give an answer I need to explain exactly what this means, and exactly what lies ahead if you accept. The problem is that you can't simply lie about abandoning Konoha and hope they believe you. They have sources to confirm things like that. When I say you will have to become a missing-nin, Sakura, I mean that you _will be_ a missing-nin. You will be arrested and charged with a crime, and you will escape and leave this village indefinitely. This mission is not s-ranked or unranked. This mission _does not exist_. You will be labeled a criminal and a traitor. Your profile will be put into the Bingo books and you will be marked by hunter-nins from every village, including Konoha. Our hunters and ANBU will be under specific orders to bring you back alive should they catch you, though I must strongly caution you _not_ be caught. However the other villages will not be under such orders, and if you want to survive an encounter you will have to escape or kill them.

"Once you have Akatsuki's attention and they come to you, you must find a way to convince them you would be an asset to their organization, and when they offer it, you must join them. You may be working as a spy, but for all intents and purposes you _will be_ Akatsuki. You may be required to do things for them that you will not agree with, things that may anger or disgust you, but it will have to be done to maintain your cover. This is why I said the danger is every bit as psychological as physical. This will require every single skill you possess as a shinobi, some you may never have had to use before. You must do whatever it takes, because we cannot afford to fail."

Sakura's head swam as she tried to absorb the monumental thing being asked of her. Her mouth was dry, her fingers cold, her stomach churning with so much anxiety she felt lightheaded and sick. One thing sat in the front of her mind, and she looked to Tsunade with wide, bewildered eyes. "Why _me_? Wouldn't you rather have an ANBU, or someone with more experience in espionage? I'm just a jounin, Shishou, I…I'm still learning from you—"

"You're the only one who can do this, for several reasons," Tsunade interrupted calmly. "And although I may still have a thing or two to teach you, you've already surpassed me."

Her ears must be playing tricks on her today. "That can't possibly be true, Shishou. I still have so much to learn, I'm not anywhere near your level. You're one of the legendary Sannin…you're the _Hokage_, for gods' sake!"

Tsunade gave a wry smile. "I may still outclass you, but I won't for much longer. You're not a little thirteen year-old girl desperately searching for her strength anymore. Your chakra control is better than mine, and you're a genjutsu specialist on top of what I've taught you. You're far more powerful than I was at twenty, and at the rate you're going I believe you'll soon surpass what I was in my prime."

Kakashi, who had been silently holding up the wall until now, finally straightened. "What Tsunade-sama says is true, Sakura. You've never given yourself enough credit. Neither have a lot of other people in the past, which we'll always regret."

Sakura mentally sputtered and fumbled, and a humble blush colored her cheeks at the praise of the two people she respected and admired more than anything. "Thank you…I'm honored to hear such things from my mentors," she said quietly.

Tsunade gave her another small smile. "It's the truth, and it's time you started owning it. You are my student, after all." Her expression sobered again. "This is one of the main reasons why you're the only one who can do this vital task. Akatsuki is comprised of some of the most elite shinobi in the world, and they only accept the best into their organization. There are only a handful of s-class shinobi in this village. Naruto is obviously out. Kakashi has nearly thirty years as one of Leaf's most dedicated and they would never believe him. Neji, given his disposition, would be incapable of maintaining the cover. There are others, but really that only leaves you Sakura, because the next condition is nearly as important as the first. Akatsuki seems to gather shinobi with unique or special abilities, who stand out, whose reputation and very name strike fear into the hearts of their enemies. You've already made a name for yourself as my student and as a rising force of your own, and the fact that you're also one of the best medics in the five nations adds even more appeal. You killed one of them, so they already know you're strong enough to stand among their ranks. If they learn you've gone rogue they will make sure to watch you, and I believe it wouldn't be very difficult at all for you to get inside."

"But what about my connection to Naruto, how would they ever believe I would join them when they want to capture and kill him?"

"Your direct contact with Akatsuki has been even more limited than Naruto's. They would know you were teammates, but they have no way of knowing how close you are personally. After all, Sasuke was your teammate as well, and look what he did to Konoha."

Sakura's expression darkened and her jaw clenched. Point taken.

Tsunade sighed quietly and folded her hands before her on the desk. "You're the only one, Sakura. You're more capable of this than you even realize. I know what this is asking of you, but I have complete confidence in you, and I _know_ you can succeed. But because of the incredible risk involved, I won't force you."

Sakura was quiet a long time, staring blankly at her hands in her lap. She couldn't believe what she'd just heard, couldn't believe what was being asked of her. She'd been wishing for a change, for something exciting to happen, but not something _this_ drastic. She wasn't capable of something like this! Sure, she was Tsunade's apprentice. Sure, she was strong. But this was surely beyond her ability.

But Tsunade meant what she'd said. The stern woman wasn't so free with her praise as to lie just to humor or console her. Neither was Kakashi for that matter. They truly believed her capable of not only doing this, but succeeding. There was too much at stake for them to have any doubts. But how could she do something like this? Her, an s-class shinobi? Well, okay…sure. Maybe. But this was about a lot more than power. This was about cunning and intelligence, about deception of the highest sort, about the ability to set morals aside and do what was necessary. They believed her capable of doing all of these things. Maybe she was, after all Sai had told her once that her ability to deceive with a friendly façade and a fake smile was one of the best he'd seen, and he would know. Part of her felt an immense sense of pride that they believed in her so much, but part of her remained hugely skeptical.

Tsunade had given her the choice, but she didn't really have a choice, did she? Naruto's life, Konoha, _every_ shinobi nation, possibly the entire world was in danger if Akatsuki succeeded in their plans. If she could do even a small thing to prevent that, wouldn't she? With so much at stake, how could she possibly refuse? And Naruto…she would do anything for Naruto. She would risk her life a thousand times over to keep him from the horrible fate he had in store if they caught him.

Her features set in resolution, she lifted her eyes to lock gazes with the Hokage. "I'll do it."

The silence that followed hung heavy with the weight of those fateful words. Tsunade studied her apprentice carefully, and eventually gave a single accepting nod. "Alright."

Sakura took a deep breath to steady herself and wiped her clammy hands against her shorts. "What else do I need to know?"

"The first thing we need to do is stage your defection," Kakashi said. "It has to be something serious, something people will believe you would run from rather than face. Something, say…that might get you executed."

"So …what heinous crime would you like to be charged with?" Tsunade asked wryly.

Sakura took a while to reply, debating whether she wanted to say what was going through her mind. She was already barreling headfirst down a path of no return, she may as well go all the way. Swallowing her apprehension and making up her mind, she said, "There is one thing…and it would be the perfect cover to tell Akatsuki…because it can be corroborated by one of them, if he's still alive."

Tsunade's amber gaze sharpened intently. "How so?"

She began slowly, "Something happened five years ago. I've never told anyone…don't ask me why, to this day I'm not entirely sure, but if it had become a problematic issue please believe I would have told you. However, when you hear what I'm about to say, you may not want to send me on this mission."

The Hokage stared with growing alarm. "What did you do, Sakura?"

She looked to Kakashi. "Remember when we were searching for Sasuke and that giant explosion happened?"

He nodded once. "Of course. We found out later from Sasuke that he was attacked by Akatsuki, by the same explosives user Naruto and I fought during the Gaara rescue. He said that explosion was a massive suicide bomb meant to take out everything within a ten kilometer radius, and that he barely managed to escape."

Sakura gave a faint nod and stared at her knees. "Well, I guess it didn't work the way it was supposed to…because it didn't entirely kill him. Deidara of Akatsuki, I mean."

"What are you saying? The report said there was nothing there," Tsunade said sharply.

"There _was_ nothing there, Hokage-sama. But when we arrived Sakura was already there, alone," Kakashi explained quietly, still looking at his teammate.

"It's true; I was first on the scene. And what I never told anyone is that when _I_ got there…Deidara was still there." She waited for the outburst, but there was none; they merely stared at her with intense, unreadable expressions and waited for her to continue. "He was unrecognizable, badly burned and covered in other injuries from the battle. At first I was afraid it was Sasuke since we knew he was in the area, and that was the main reason I approached the body. I realized pretty quickly that it wasn't Sasuke, but there was almost nothing identifiable about the body at all. When I saw he was still alive I thought about finishing him off, as a precaution because I knew he had something to do with the explosion…but in the end all I saw was a dying man, a fellow human being that I had the power to help. I began to heal him. I had no idea who I was reviving, or I'm pretty sure I would have gone through with my killing him. By the time I realized who he was, he was already past the point of death and talking. He pretty much laid it out for me, and he probably thought I would kill him then. I thought about it, or about subduing him and taking him prisoner. But In the end…I let him go. I don't really understand why even now. Maybe it was because we talked and he just seemed so…so…_un_-evil. He was only a boy…very close to my age, and I was just fifteen. I know in our world that doesn't mean much…but I just felt like I was doing the right thing by letting him go, and I still stand by that conviction. I didn't completely heal him, and to this day I don't know if he lived or died, if he returned to Akatsuki or disappeared. If he had surfaced again and done something terrible, I would have told you about that day Shishou, I swear."

Tsunade regarded the girl with a stony glare, sucking her teeth in frustration as she processed the confession. Finally after several moments she exhaled long and slow, crossed her arms over her chest as Sakura warily met her gaze again. When she spoke her tone conveyed a simmering anger. "Sakura. What you did could be construed as an act of treason. You already know this, and the fact that you hid it for five years makes it that much worse. If that boy had done anything against Konoha in those years even_ I_ wouldn't be able to keep the council from having your head. In fact if this mission wasn't so vital I may be forced to do something about it. But as it stands there is no one else to take your place and we have no time to lose, so I'm not going to arrest you. Not for real, anyway."

Sakura exhaled a silent sigh of relief, but the Hokage wasn't finished.

"You're _damn_ lucky you're one of the few people I trust implicitly. I trust your instincts and your judgment, and who knows what purpose this will all serve in the future. Perhaps it was some fated intervention so that the endeavor we're about to undertake will be possible. But I'm very disappointed that you kept this from me for so long. The world is not a black and white place, Sakura, especially not our world of the shinobi. Sometimes actions and decisions fall within the gray, and if anyone knows that it's _me_. It hurts me that you didn't trust me to understand, because even though I'm your Hokage, you're like a daughter to me."

Sakura lowered her head, cheeks coloring with guilt. "I know, Shishou…I'm sorry."

Tsunade waved a manicured hand. "It's in the past now. But I believe you're right; this will work in our favor. _If_ the boy lived and returned to Akatsuki, that is. So then, this is how it will play out: we will arrange for ANBU to arrest you while alone so you can be brought into custody without complications from your teammates or anyone else, because gods know how up in arms everyone's going to be about this. The story will go that during the interrogation you broke free and fled the village. You will be escorted to the border under cover of darkness by my personal ANBU, who are loyal only to me, and from there you will be on your own. Any questions so far?"

Sakura thought about her teammates and friends, and how they would react to what was about to happen. It tore her up inside to do this to them, especially Naruto who had already lost one best friend this way. She felt bad for Kakashi and Tsunade, who would bear the brunt of the chaos and be forced to lie through their teeth to everyone. But she was doing this for _them_, to protect the people she cared about, to protect her home. "No. I understand."

Kakashi pulled a scroll from his vest and handed it to her. "This is how you will relay information to Konoha. Recognize it?"

She studied the scroll. "This is what Sai used when he spied on Orochimaru. I thought Sai didn't know about this."

"He doesn't. This was obtained from the scrollier who makes Sai's scrolls. It's been modified so you don't need special ink, just about anything will work; brush, ballpoint pen…even blood I suppose. As you know, after you write on it you make the seals and the ink forms into various inconspicuous animals like mice or ants, and even if they are discovered it's impossible to revert them to words. The message travels until it reaches its partner scroll, which will be in Tsunade-sama's possession, and can only be read with the proper corresponding seals. Unfortunately because of the situation you'll be in we can't send return messages, since we won't know when you'll be able to receive them privately. Having a bunch of cute little ink-mice scurry up to you in the middle of something might cause a slight problem."

Sakura slipped the scroll into her vest pocket and gave a resigned nod. She would be all alone out there, but it couldn't be helped. If this mission succeeded it could be her defining achievement, assuring her a legendary status like her master. But she couldn't really feel optimistic or proud at the moment, not when it could just as easily be the last thing she ever did in this world. She stood and straightened her clothing. "When will this happen?"

Tsunade rose and walked around the desk to stand before her apprentice, placing her hands on her shoulders. "Tomorrow at sunset." She gazed at the young woman she had raised into a strong, skilled kunoichi, and a surge of emotion welled within her, knowing this could be the last time she ever saw her apprentice. "Sakura, whatever happens, Konoha will be forever in your debt, and I can never thank you enough for doing this. I am so very proud of you."

The older woman pulled her into an embrace, and Sakura's eyes stung as she returned it. "Thank you for everything you've done for me, Shishou."

Tsunade took a deep breath, blinking several times, and then her collected demeanor was back in place. "Twenty-four hours. Do what needs to be done, and say what needs to be said. Just don't make it obvious."

"I understand."

There was so much to do, and very little time to do it.

* * *

For all the things Sakura felt she had to do in her last twenty-four hours in Konoha, she mostly found herself spending a lot of time alone, thinking about what was to come.

After leaving the Hokage tower she went straight home, knowing if she faced anyone just then it would be too easy for them to tell something was up. Once home she packed everything she thought she'd need as a missing-nin and s-class criminal, which wasn't much. She couldn't take much anyway; if they searched her apartment it had to look like she fled without preparation. One of the Hokage's ANBU came late at night and took her gear, informing her they would hold onto it until the escort.

When the ANBU left she hung her jounin vest in her closet and stood staring at for the longest time, thinking of everything it meant, everything she had gone through to earn it. She tried to sleep, knowing she would need strength as she ran for her life tomorrow. But it was predictably impossible, and she remained awake thinking over and over about her life; what it had been, what it was now, what it would become. The night passed slowly as she lay restless and melancholy, and when the morning came she dressed and went out to face her last day in Konoha.

Sunrise found her at the Memorial Stone, gazing at the many names carved into the polished black granite. Some she recognized, some she had known, and some were too long before her time. So many names…would hers be here someday, alongside the heroes fallen in service to their village? If she failed, her name would be there sooner than expected.

She half hoped to find Kakashi there. They'd figured out the secret behind his tardy excuses a long time ago, and knew he was here nearly every morning. Sakura even knew what names he visited so devotedly, though while he'd opened up enough to reveal that much he never said why, what happened to chain him to those memories. The Copy Ninja wasn't here now, but she knew she would be seeing him before this day ended.

She left the Memorial Stone and made her way to the village cemetery, where she spent some time before her parents' graves. They had never been close; Sakura had always been on a different wavelength from her ordinary civilian family and had found guidance while growing up from other people, especially since they died while she was still a genin. Still, she felt she should say goodbye.

Afterward, morning in full swing and the market beginning to open, she stopped to visit Ino in her family's flower shop. There would be few customers at this early hour, and they could simply sit around and talk about mostly insignificant things, just be girls together for a while. Normally Sakura found this sort of thing tiresome, but given the circumstances, today she found she rather enjoyed this last semblance of normalcy with her closest female friend. If Ino suspected anything she hadn't let on, and around mid-morning Sakura bought a small bouquet of wildflowers and made her way to Sai's loft apartment.

The rest of the morning was spent watching her teammate paint a still-life of the flowers she brought. This was not an unusual thing for them, though they didn't do it on a regular basis. Sai was a difficult person to like due to his desensitizing and social isolation by Root. But Sakura discovered that despite his early claims, once he learned to tap into his feelings he really did have a passion for art, and that had been the key to connecting with him, at least for her. She would miss their unspoken closeness and his odd ways. After leaving Sai she went home and grabbed all the cups of instant ramen she had stashed, and then made her way to Naruto's tiny bachelor apartment. This would be the hardest part.

Naruto opened the door after her third knock, wearing a t-shirt and jogging pants, his sunny blond hair messier than usual and his face scrunched in a bleary expression. "Hey, Sakura-chan…what are you doing here so early?"

Sakura laughed. "Early? It's after noon, dummy. Did you just wake up?"

He didn't bother to stifle his yawn. "Yeah," he half-grinned. "Is that ramen?"

"They've been sitting in my cupboard for ages, but I keep forgetting about them so I figured they're better off with you. Go wake yourself up, I'll make us some," she said cheerfully.

He grinned and backed inside, holding the door open for her. "Okay." Naruto wandered off toward his bathroom and Sakura entered the apartment and shut the door behind her.

As if he had an internal clock that told him exactly how long it took to heat the water, pour it over the dehydrated noodles, and wait for them to soften, he reappeared just as Sakura placed the steaming cups on the tiny table and sat down. Waking himself up consisted of simply splashing water on his face and brushing his teeth, because he hadn't dressed and his hair was just as chaotic as before. Showers could wait when there was ramen to be had.

He sat next to her, then picked up his chopsticks and began to stir. "So what did Baa-chan want yesterday?"

"Oh, she just needed my help decoding a medical scroll she acquired," she lied evenly, having already anticipated this question.

"All that over a medical scroll? Must have had some major stuff on it."

"Top secret." She changed the subject before Naruto fished any further. "Did you talk to Hinata?"

"'Bout what?" he asked casually.

Sakura flicked a noodle at him, which he picked off his sleeve and ate. "Don't play dumb with me. When are you going to ask her out?"

Naruto paled. "Oh no way, I can't ask her out. Neji would kill me. Her _father_ would kill me! Besides, there's no way Hinata would like me like that," he muttered, visibly deflating.

Sakura smacked him on the back of the head. "Stop that. You've accomplished way too much and proven yourself to this village too many times to keep thinking that way. Neji's not going to do anything because he respects' you, and neither of them are as obedient to the clan as everyone thinks. Hinata's always admired you, Naruto. She was always nice to you, even when everyone else was horrible, including me."

Naruto was taken aback. "Sakura …that's –"

She waved dismissively. "It's true and you know it." She was quiet a moment, a wistful feeling coming over her. She hadn't planned to spill the beans about Hinata's feelings, but a lot of drama was about to go down, and Naruto was going to need someone to be there for him in the aftermath. "If you tell her how you feel, I promise you she'll be the happiest girl in the world, so do it soon okay?"

He beamed at her. "Really? Thanks, Sakura-chan. How do you think I should do it? Ask her out I mean. Should I just ask her on a date? Or should I confess first and see what happens. Or maybe I could just grab her and kiss her like in those sappy movies…no wait, Hinata would probably faint if I did that…she does that sometimes."

Sakura smiled as he scratched his head in indecision, finding his eagerness cute. The budding romance between her two friends would be very sweet, and it saddened her that she was going to miss it. "I don't think you need to do anything special to impress her. Just be yourself and everything will fall into place."

Naruto grinned and slipped his arm around her shoulders, thunking his head against hers affectionately. "You're a great friend, Sakura-chan. I don't know what I'd do without you."

She died a little inside at those words, and plastered a smile on her face to hide the crumbling she felt within. "I need to use your bathroom," she said lightly, and then casually stood up.

Naruto went back to his ramen without a clue, and Sakura made sure the door was shut firmly behind her before the first tears fell.

* * *

It was almost time.

Sakura sat on one of the benches lining the observation point atop the Hokage monument and gazed out over the village, admiring the way the dying light gave everything a fairytale glow as the sun sank toward the horizon.

Probably she had less than an hour.

She felt a sort of numb detachment from what was happening. Lying to her best friend's face had drained her, and hiding the fact that it was killing her inside had drained her even further. What she was about to do would break his heart. There was still so much she wanted to say to everyone, but she couldn't, because it would give her away. Today was a day like any other, or so it had to seem. She may never get the chance to explain the truth. She may never see them again.

She had to stop such fatalistic thinking. She _would_ succeed in her mission, she _would_ stay alive, and she _would_ come home and live happily with her loved ones again.

Sakura was still repeating this mantra to herself when she felt Kakashi's presence. He sat next to her on the bench, elbows resting on his knees, and looked out over the village. They didn't speak for some time, until Sakura's lips curved in a small smile and she said, "I knew you would come to find me."

He gave the faintest nod, still not looking at her. "We've been teammates a long time. You know me well."

"And vice-versa," she returned quietly. Finally, she turned her head to regard his masked profile. "When I told Tsunade-sama about what happened with that Akatsuki…you didn't seem surprised." She studied him a moment. "You already knew, didn't you?"

He didn't answer immediately, and she got the feeling he was smirking under the mask. "My dogs don't keep anything from me for long, though I must say, bribing them with homemade treats was a smart touch," he said affably, turning to look at her.

Now she could see the amusement in his charcoal eye, and she felt a deep surge of affection for her former sensei and team leader. Kakashi had kept her secret. She wondered if he knew about the more personal moments of that encounter as well, but decided against asking. "Why didn't you ever bring it up to me?"

He shrugged. "Everyone has their secrets, Sakura, and everyone's done things they don't entirely know the reasons for. As long as it didn't do any harm, there was no reason to bring it to light."

She smiled faintly. "Thank you, Kakashi."

He gave her that familiar eye-crinkle, and they returned to watching the village below. After a while he quietly asked, "Are you ready for this?"

"Does it matter? It's happening either way," she replied morosely. After a moment she sighed. "I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be."

Kakashi studied her intently, and straightened a little. "I've had deep-cover missions before, back in ANBU. It's not exactly the same, but I know some of what you're going through, what you _will_ go through. Sometimes it might get ugly, but you'll have to stay focused. Sakura, this kind of mission…it can do things to you, change you in ways you won't expect and won't realize are happening until it's already done," he cautioned quietly.

Her lips tightened in a thin line, and she didn't meet his gaze. "I'm not naïve about what it means to be a ninja, and I know my life so far has been pretty mild and sheltered. I'm a twenty year-old jounin, Kakashi. I've been a shinobi for eight years already. I have to grow up sometime."

"Sakura…"

The concern in his voice was clear. She met his gaze and held it, giving him a brave smile. "I'll be fine, Sensei. I'll make you proud."

He returned her smile warmly. Then, a little hesitantly, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer in an affectionate hug. "I'm already proud of you."

The action surprised her, but it made her smile and she returned the hug happily. He pulled away after a moment and stood. Sakura stood as well, because she knew this was goodbye.

"They'll be coming soon." He reached out and placed a gloved hand atop her head, ruffling her hair slightly. "Be careful, Sakura. Come back home to us."

She smiled thinly, and promised what she couldn't know. "I will."

Once he'd disappeared, Sakura sat down again with an anxious sigh and stared out over the village as twilight descended at last. It seemed symbolic of the darkness she was about to step into. Not long after the sun sank out of sight leaving only the last of its rays to light the world, she felt them.

Four ANBU, masked and cloaked, flickered into place behind her.

"Haruno Sakura."

She rose to face them with anxious determination, but since she wasn't supposed to know what was happening, outwardly she appeared merely curious. "Yes?"

As one they moved closer, surrounding her.

"By order of the Godaime Hokage, you are hereby placed under arrest."

* * *

Naruto stared blankly at the floor between his boots. He'd been sitting on this bench in a dim hallway of ANBU HQ for hours. He'd gotten up and paced the floor a few times, but it only made his anxiety worse, so now he was trying to zone out and trick himself into not noticing how long it was taking. Going home to wait for news was out of the question.

He felt someone sit down next to him on the bench. Kakashi and Sai were still leaning silently against the opposite wall of the hallway, so it wasn't one of them. This presence was much lighter, less intrusive. He raised his head slowly and then blinked in surprise.

"I thought you left with the others," he said with a lack of any real curiosity.

Hinata shook her head. "W-well, I did…but not really. I sort of waited around…until the Hokage and everyone else were gone…then I came back." She was blushing, but there was a tiny curve to her lips. Naruto didn't say anything, just continued to watch her, which only intensified her blush. She looked down at her hands before speaking again. "I'm worried about Sakura, and I…I wanted to see if you were doing okay," she trailed off in a near-whisper.

"I don't want you to get in trouble if Tsunade or Ibiki come out and find you here."

She bit her lip, but her pale eyes rose to meet his determinedly. "I'm not worried about that," she answered. "Have you heard anything?"

Naruto sighed heavily. "No. Nothing since the first time."

To say the shit hit the fan when word of Sakura's arrest leaked out would be an understatement. Naruto found out when Ino of all people banged on his door and frantically told him what happened. Ino had overheard from the wife of an ANBU who had seen Sakura being brought in. The first thing he did was grab Sai, then they found Kakashi and they (mostly _he_) grilled their team leader who usually knew things before they did. But Kakashi didn't know anything this time, and was just as concerned as they were. They went straight to ANBU headquarters, but when they got there no one knew anything and those who did weren't talking, even to the esteemed Copy Ninja. Shortly after they arrived more people started to show up. Hinata had been there, and looked like she wanted to talk to him, but had been uncomfortable with so many people around. Ino had been there, and Lee, and Neji who'd been dragged by Tenten, though even he couldn't pretend he wasn't interested in what was going on. The Hokage's own apprentice had been arrested by ANBU. That was major. The Hokage herself was deep in the bowels of the intimidating building, probably with Ibiki, doing who knew what to Sakura for who knew what reason.

They'd waited for over an hour and Naruto worked himself into a state, angrily jumping to his best friend's defense at some of the wilder speculations passing through the small crowd. Kakashi had to keep calming him and sitting him on the bench. Naruto had been furious. They were Sakura's teammates, damn it! Why weren't they being told anything? Finally the heavy reinforced door barring the restricted access area had opened. Naruto was on Tsunade in a heartbeat, demanding answers, demanding to know how she could do this to her own student when _she_ of all people had to know Sakura was innocent of whatever she was accused of. Going off on the Hokage in a room full of people may not have been the smartest idea ever, but Naruto had always been the type to speak with his heart before his head. Tsunade had snapped at him to sit his ass down and shut up, and then kicked everyone not on Team Kakashi out of the building.

What she told them after the others were gone had stunned them. She said Sakura had been withholding information about a reported-dead Akatsuki still being alive, and what was worse, what she was really in trouble for, was that the Akatsuki was alive because Sakura had healed him after finding him mortally injured, and then let him go. Naruto didn't believe it. He _couldn't_ believe it. Sakura would never help an Akatsuki. They were wrong. They were _wrong_, and if those sadistic ANBU did anything to hurt her so help them…

"It has to be a mistake," Hinata interjected, before the account Naruto had just given turned into another tirade. He met her gaze then, and she did her best to give him a reassuring smile. "I'm sure they will straighten it out soon. They won't hurt her, the Hokage won't let them."

Kakashi and Sai didn't seem to care that he'd just told Hinata classified information only they were supposed to know. The two aloof men had been silent for some time now, and would probably remain that way until the door opened again and they got more news, which could be a long time. Hinata could be trusted with anything, Naruto already knew that. She knew about the demon inside him. Five years ago on their extended group mission to find Sasuke she had seen that he had a second chakra pathway and that the source was a foreign entity, and figured it out on her own. She had never said a word to anyone but him, and had never treated him differently.

"You're right," he said, willing himself to believe it. "You're right. It'll be fine."

Even Naruto's eternal optimism was tested when two more hours dragged by and there was still no word. The four of them sat in silence, because there was nothing left to be said until they knew more. But it was there, simmering beneath the surface, and as it neared midnight the frustration was at a high. How could Tsunade leave them hanging like this? What was happening in there that was taking so long to straighten out? He glanced over at Hinata, who had been sitting beside him all the while, quietly supportive. Her delicate features were drawn with fatigue, and she looked nearly as frustrated as he felt. "You should go home and get some sleep, Hinata. There's no sense in dragging yourself out like this," he said tiredly.

She started at the sound of his voice, though he had spoken quietly. She shook her head. "No, I'm okay." She held his gaze. "I…I want to be here…for you."

He gave a bright, forced smile. "Don't worry about me, I'm fine." He could see she didn't believe him and didn't want to go. He grasped her shoulder reassuringly. "Really. Go get some rest." She watched him indecisively for a moment, but then gave a resigned nod and stood up. He stood as well, not taking his hand from her arm. "I'll come find you later, okay?" He didn't know what he meant by that, but it was true in any case. Her eyes widened a fraction, but then she nodded again and turned away without a word, disappearing down the dark hallway as quietly as she came.

Hinata returned less than an hour later, just before midnight, carrying a small box of onigiri for them. Naruto almost smiled. Sakura was right; the shy girl was more stubborn and defiant than she seemed. Surprised by her thoughtful gesture, the men of Team Kakashi each thanked her quietly and ate, more out of appreciation of her kindness than from any real desire for food.

"Has there been any more news?" Hinata asked Naruto after he mechanically stuffed down a rice ball.

His only reply was to shake his head no and give a tired, frustrated sigh.

"Don't worry so much, Naruto-kun…it will be okay," she offered, though inwardly she didn't think anything she said right now would do much good.

Naruto stared into her depthless lavender eyes, finding some small reassurance in her tranquil brand of strength. She was always so supportive, even when the rest of the world seemed against him. How ironic. Just this afternoon he had been talking to Sakura about her, and now…

He hunched over, running his hands through his hair. "I can't believe this is happening."

Hinata wanted to assure him it would be alright, but she couldn't know if that was true or not. She hoped so, for both Sakura and Naruto's sakes, but it wasn't looking good. The longer these things took, the worse it usually was. But she would never say that to the deeply distressed man beside her. Timidity was overridden by her desire to comfort him, and she leaned forward a little to tentatively lay her hand on his forearm. He didn't look at her, but a moment later her breath caught when he placed his other hand over hers, then a moment after that grabbed her hand and moved it down his arm to hold between both of his. His hands were warm and dry and strong. She thought he must be able to hear her heart pounding. She managed to keep it together for the next five minutes, telling herself that he just needed some comfort and it had nothing to do with her specifically. But when he seemingly unconsciously threaded his fingers through hers, her breath hitched in the tiniest gasp.

That made him look up, and when their eyes met he gave her a faint, morose smile. "A lot of really screwed-up stuff happens around me, huh?"

Hinata frowned. "Naruto-kun…this isn't your fault…"

He shook his head. "I know that, and I know this isn't about me. I'm just saying my life is chaos half the time. If it's not one thing it's another. But you know one thing I remember about all those times?"

"…W-what?" she whispered.

"You." He squeezed her fingers, and his grim smile widened a fraction. "You, Hinata. I remember you were always there when I was going through some crazy thing or other, even if I didn't talk to you at the time. You probably thought I didn't notice, but I did. Thank you…for being such a good friend. It means a lot," he finished quietly.

Kakashi and Sai were watching them while pretending not to, but Naruto didn't care and Hinata only had eyes for him at that moment. She blushed under his sincere gaze and dropped her eyes to their interlocked hands, her lips curling in a sweet smile. "You're a great person, Naruto-kun. It's easy to be your friend."

Naruto smiled at her; a genuine, unforced smile. It was gone soon as the weight of the situation settled over them again, but he continued to hold her hand, and after a while her lax fingers curled around his in return.

They were still sitting like that some time later when the heavy steel door opened and Tsunade emerged into the hallway. The first thing the Godaime noticed was the Hyuuga girl, still there hours after she told everyone but Sakura's teammates to leave. Then her eyes flicked downward to see that Naruto was firmly holding the girl's hand in his, and that he continued to do so even as they both stood to face her.

"Get to my office. I'll be there shortly," she said tersely, then turned and walked quickly down the hall in the opposite direction.

* * *

Ten minutes later Tsunade entered her office to face the anxious stares of those waiting for her. She shut the door behind her in a manner that suggested she wanted to slam it, but simply didn't have the energy. With mild surprise she noticed Hinata, who looked uncomfortable and had obviously been dragged there by Naruto, who still had hold of the girl. She decided not to scold them, and would let the Hyuuga girl stay, because gods knew Naruto was going to need some support after what she was about to tell him.

"What's going on, Baa-chan? What's happening to Sakura? Is she okay?"

Tsunade sighed. What she was about to do to these boys was tearing her up inside. She met Kakashi's one-eyed gaze and saw her ruefulness mirrored there. It had to have been hard on him to sit through the last several hours with his distraught teammates and pretend to know nothing.

"Alright," she began, "I don't exactly know how to say this so I'm just going to lay it out as it is." She paused a moment, taking a deep breath. "Sakura is gone. She's…she's fled the village."

An eternal moment of shocked silence passed. Naruto almost laughed, almost asked if it was a joke. But no one would joke about this, especially not to him. His face scrunched in disbelief as he stared hard at the Hokage. "_What_…?" he began quietly, and then, "_WHAT?_"

"What do you mean, Hokage-sama?" Sai asked, his normally impassive face showing clear shock.

The pained expression on her features was entirely real, though not for what the young ninja staring at her believed. "I mean exactly as I just said. Sakura was being interrogated about the circumstances of her arrest. She was highly resistant to questioning, and she somehow broke free…perhaps her chakra wasn't restrained enough…she overpowered her guards and escaped. She's gone."

Another long silence passed as they tried to wrap their heads around it. This was _Sakura_ they were talking about! There was just no way…

"Does that mean it's true, what she was arrested for?"

Naruto snapped around to glare at the artist. "Sai! How can you say that? You know Sakura wouldn't go against Konoha!"

"But then why would she run away?" Sai looked bewildered, and it was clear he didn't want to believe it, but he was more logical-minded than his teammate.

Naruto wasn't stupid, but he tended to have rather selective reasoning when it came to certain things. "I don't know…maybe she ran because the interrogation went bad and she knew she was going to be punished for something she didn't do! That's probably it! She probably intends to prove herself innocent then come back!"

Tsunade sighed wearily, suddenly feeling very old. "Naruto…"

He whirled back on her, and then looked accusingly at the other faces in the room. "What! How can you guys just accept it? There's something not right about all of this! Can't you tell? Kakashi-sensei…" He trailed off, staring expectantly at his team leader for reassurance.

"I don't know what to say, Naruto. I agree there's more to this than we know…but we can't ignore the facts. Sakura is gone. We don't know why, but the reason won't matter once the elders find out."

Naruto ran his hands over his face and up to fist in his hair. "This can't be happening again," he murmured woefully. "I can't do this again...I can't lose another—" He cut off sharply, emotions threatening to crack him wide open.

Kakashi stared at the floor, his dark eye troubled for reasons only Tsunade fully understood.

Suddenly Naruto straightened, full of resolve. "We have to go out and find her, and bring her back before the geezers find out!"

They all looked to the Hokage, who appeared to be thinking over the matter. This would have to be played carefully, because Sakura couldn't really be found. "Alright," she said, "You leave immediately. I'm sure the elders will be informed as soon as they wake, so if you can't find her by dawn…it will be too late."

"That's only four hours from now!"

"Then you'd best get moving, hadn't you? Hinata, you go with them, since you already know everything anyway," she said wryly.

"Yes, Hokage-sama," the girl answered quietly.

Naruto nodded determinedly. "Right. We don't have much time. Let's go!"

* * *

The sky paled on the horizon, the gray light of approaching dawn permeating the darkness of the forest as four shinobi and eight ninken converged on the rendezvous point, weary and drained.

"Nothing? Anyone?" Naruto asked, a hint of despair creeping into his voice at the dejected looks on everyone's faces.

Sai shook his head, an unmistakable frown on his normally placid features.

"I'm sorry, Naruto-kun," Hinata said miserably, shaking her head slowly as her Byakugan deactivated.

Kakashi stood off to one side, unable to look at the other three just now. Of course they hadn't found Sakura, not even a hint of her trail, and that was entirely his fault. Pakkun was unhappy with him now as well, even though he'd promised he had a good reason for telling the dogs to track in the wrong direction. Sakura was on the other side of Fire country by now, possibly over the border already. She was long gone. He hated lying to them. He could see they were heartbroken about what appeared to be a terrible betrayal of their bonds. Standing in that hallway with them for hours as they worried themselves sick had been torture, and he wanted nothing more than to let them in on the truth. But it was necessary because if Sakura didn't do this, it could be the end for all of them.

Finally he emitted a long, slow sigh and joined the others. "I hate to say this, but we have to call it. Sakura was undoubtedly moving fast and has probably crossed the border. Without a clear trail there's nothing else we can do. She's gone."

Naruto stared long and hard at his team leader, his eyes full of angry betrayal, wanting to object to giving up the search. But he was exhausted, devastated, and at a total loss. He just couldn't find an argument this time, couldn't even find the energy to blast a hole through the nearest tree like he wanted. Why did she do it? _How_ could she do it? Why hadn't she come to him for help? He turned and stared forlornly into the distant trees. "Sakura…" he whispered to no one, his eyes stinging with frustration and hurt. They had to turn back now, but he wasn't going to give up. He would get to the bottom of this. Then he would find her, and he would bring her home.

* * *

Many miles away in an unfamiliar bordertown, Sakura entered her tiny room at the rundown roadside inn and dropped her pack on the shabby single bed in exhaustion. Those ANBU didn't play around; she had never run that hard before in her life. But she was pretty sure it wouldn't be the last time, now that she was out here by herself.

Now that she was a missing-nin.

Life had turned completely upside down in only twenty-four hours. Sakura was scared. More afraid than she'd ever been. They would begin hunting her soon; shinobi from every nation, civilian bounty hunters, maybe something worse that she didn't know about yet. Tomorrow would begin the constant cycle of running and fighting for her life, until Akatsuki found her. It was strange to think she would find some form of protection from the harsh uncertainties of this new life among the most dangerous criminals in the five nations, but it was true. The Akatsuki name and reputation would prevent most from bothering her, if nothing else. Once she was inside, _they_ would become the danger, not the hunter-nins.

Suddenly an unbidden memory flashed across her mind, of a crooked smile and vibrant blue eyes. '_That guy is out there…you'll find him someday_' Ino had said to her only yesterday, though it seemed a lifetime ago. Ino had no idea what had come to Sakura's mind at that moment, but now Sakura couldn't help but be struck by the irony. She never learned what happened to him after that one brief encounter. He had promised to see her again, but after five years without a word of his whereabouts that seemed unlikely. It was for the best, though deep down inside she had felt a twinge of disappointment. But now, if he was still alive and with Akatsuki…it wouldn't be long until they met again.

The old springs creaked under her weight as she sat heavily on the bed and stared at the pack beside her. She hadn't taken much, and didn't have much money since cleaning out her bank savings wasn't possible. She'd brought a few articles of clothing for all climates since she had no idea where she would be going in the days and months ahead, but nothing bearing her family crest. Also included were some medical scrolls and supplies and all of her weapons, including a beautiful kodachi inlaid with rose quartz blossoms along the scabbard—a gift from her teammates for her twentieth birthday only five months ago. It was one of the only items of sentimental value she could justify taking. She had left behind every photo, every keepsake, everything that mattered.

There was only one thing left to do now to make the transition complete, and it was something she had been dreading since the first moment. She got up and walked into the tiny bathroom, braced her hands against the rust-stained sink and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Kakashi said missions like this could do things to a person, and she knew exactly what he meant because she had seen it in the medical files of several ANBU. Would the same thing happen to her? Would she still recognize herself when this was over?

Still watching herself in the dingy glass, she slowly pulled her hitai-ate free and laid it on the rim of the sink. For the longest time she just stared at it, thinking of everything it symbolized, what it defined about her, and about what it would symbolize from this moment on. Nearly everything important that had happened in her life was tied to this strip of leather and metal in some way. She supposed it would be no different now. Slowly and mechanically, she pulled a kunai from her leg holster and laid the tip against the metal plate.

Her hand was shaking.

Sakura took a deep breath, willing herself the strength to take this final step. Her eyes burned and the engraved symbol of Hidden Leaf blurred. She closed her eyes, and as a single tear slid down her cheek she scored a deep, even slash across the length of the metal surface. She opened her eyes to stare into piercing jade in the mirror, already feeling like a stranger to herself. It was done.

There was no going back.


	4. Descent

**Vertigo**

Chapter Four: Descent

* * *

The body of the hunter-nin hit the ground with a heavy thump, the sound dulled by the thick blanket of snow covering the forest floor.

Straightening from her fighting crouch, Sakura looked around warily, winded breaths puffing before her in the chill air. That was number four – the last of them unless there was another squad somewhere. The other three were still prone and unmoving on the ground where they'd fallen. She didn't know if they were dead or not, but they weren't getting up any time soon and that was all that mattered. They probably were dead anyway; it wasn't like she could afford to pull her punches anymore.

The moderate kunai slash on her shoulder began to sting and throb as the adrenaline wore off. That was the worst of her injuries, and thankfully it wasn't poisoned. Her biggest problem right now was getting out of the cold air before night fell. That, and the nagging feeling that something wasn't right. There were no more hunters, and she couldn't see or hear anything out of place, but her sixth sense warned her to be on guard anyhow. Presently she was in the territory west of River country, and according to her map there was a town a few miles away.

Ignoring the ache in her shoulder, she readjusted her pack before taking to the trees and sprinting away from the too-silent clearing and the bloodstained snow.

Sakura had very recently decided that she hated winter. She hadn't had much of an opinion before, but she most definitely despised it now. Winter was open season for hunter-nins and bounty hunters, because climate hazards forced fugitives like herself to linger close to towns to avoid dying from exposure if they slept outside, and because snow on the ground made it ridiculously easy to track people. That was how they found her today. Her last job had turned ugly and there was a commotion, and the hunters must have heard about it and come to find her. Once they caught her trail it was only a matter of time because she couldn't conceal her movement, even in the trees, due to the disturbance of frost by her passage. Year's end weeded out the strong from the weak in the world of missing-nin. You couldn't hide from the hunters in winter. You could only survive them.

It was late November, over three months since she became a missing-nin. The severance from her home and the life she knew was both crippling and enabling. She was scared half the time, lonely _all_ the time, and the road before her was blind and uncertain. She never cried or bemoaned her situation, but sometimes she wanted to. At the same time she was stronger, more capable, more confident. She could survive on her own with no help from anyone in the most dangerous environments. She wasn't weak, didn't need anyone looking after her. She'd been struggling for years to prove this, and it proved itself with every day she survived out here.

Sakura learned quickly how to avoid run-ins with hunter-nins, though the odds weren't completely unavoidable and today was the second time she'd had to fight down a squad. Bounty hunters were a different story. They were everywhere, and could move inconspicuously through towns and villages, while hunter-nins kept mostly to the open country and waited for their target to come out to them. The good thing about bounty hunters was they usually moved alone, and were almost always civilians without the ability to use chakra, making them fairly easy to take out. They knew this, so they usually only went after low-level shinobi, b-class or below in the Bingo book, though sometimes they would form a posse and go after bigger prey. Sakura had encountered a few of those gangs already, and it hadn't been pretty. Unless you considered massive structural damage to be pretty. Now her reputation was spreading, and the little people didn't mess with her anymore. Attacks were less frequent, but when they did come her enemies were much more dangerous.

How long would she have to live like this before Akatsuki found her? Did they know she was a rogue ninja yet? Did they even care? Maybe they knew, but she was of no interest to them. Maybe this whole thing would be for nothing and she would have to live as a missing-nin indefinitely, until things could be straightened out at home.

No, she couldn't think like that. She had to believe they would contact her, and she just had to wait it out. Until then she would wander aimlessly from town to town, kicking asses and taking names in order to spread the word that Haruno Sakura was a badass kunoichi who deserved respect and fear, and maybe a job in a certain evil organization.

For the most part she hated it, hated the hovels she was forced to stay in with their lumpy beds and cockroaches, hated the odd jobs she was forced to take from shady dealers for money to buy crappy greasy meals, hated the constant paranoia and feeling of uncertainty. But she could admit she liked the kicking asses part, and got a thrill from picking stupid fights in nameless dive bars with men three times her size. It was a good way to relieve some of her frustration. It was a good way to make money too, along with the arm wrestling matches, since she was the only one who ever bet on herself.

It was dark by the time she got to town and found a cheap inn for the night. Once inside her dingy room she dropped her pack and removed her cloak, then entered the bathroom to get a better look at her injured shoulder. She grimaced at what she saw. The gash was deep and uneven, and she cursed as she slowly peeled her long-sleeved shirt over her head and dropped it into the sink. It was black, and the blood could have been washed out without staining, but the large uneven tear in the sleeve rendered it pointless. She turned on the faucet and let it soak as she healed the wound with chakra, and then used the wet shirt to clean the long streaks of crimson from her arm until all evidence of the wound was gone. She rinsed the blood from her shirt, and as she watched the red swirl down the drain she thought about how different her life had become—from a relatively happy, easygoing existence in her charming village where she was privileged and respected, to _this_…a fugitive cleaning her battle wounds in the filthy bathroom of a roach motel.

Her eyes traveled up to the mirror and noted the small changes in her appearance; jade eyes shadowed from a sporadic sleep pattern, chapped lips, hair dulled by cheap motel shampoo or none at all. She had lost weight; arms and legs thinner and cheeks slightly hollow. She wasn't starving, but she didn't always get a chance to eat every day, and she could stand to gain ten pounds or so. That wasn't likely to happen with all the running and fighting she did, along with the lack of proper nourishment in her cheap diet.

Overall she was doing alright, considering. She was surviving without much trouble, and she was better off than most in her situation. She wondered what it said about her, that she could adapt so easily to this harsh survivalist lifestyle. '_You're more capable of this than you even realize,_' Tsunade had said to her. Perhaps her mentor had been right, though she didn't know if that was a good thing, or a sign of something darker inside her.

The shower was too dirty to bathe in—who knew what she might pick up from it—so that would just have to wait. It wasn't like she was trying to make an impression on anyone. She threw the ruined shirt in the trash by the sink and exited the bathroom, pulled another shirt from her pack and slipped it on, then dropped her pack on the floor and crawled into bed. She was still too close to the site of her fight with the hunter-nins for her liking, so she intended to get up early and head further south toward the Wind border.

But as she lay there in the horribly uncomfortable bed, she still got the feeling that something wasn't quite right. She didn't feel threatened or she wouldn't be lying there trying to fall asleep, and she couldn't sense anything around her at all, but it almost felt as if she was being watched.

* * *

The feeling was still there the next morning as Sakura headed into the open countryside. This wasn't a bout of irrational paranoia brought on by her lifestyle, she could tell there was indeed _something_, but she just couldn't place it and the fact that it was following her and she couldn't see, hear, or smell it was pissing her off.

Twenty miles outside of town she'd had enough, and dropped from the trees. The forest here was too thick for snow to reach the ground, but everything was covered in a crunchy layer of frost. She stood still, feeling out with her senses and chakra for the source of the unseen presence. Whatever it was, it was damn good at keeping itself hidden.

"I know you're there. Come out already and tell me what the hell you want," she irritably told the empty air. If there was nothing there, then no one would hear her talking to herself and it wouldn't matter. But she knew she wasn't wrong about this.

Suddenly the intangible presence became very real and came fast from beneath her. The ground vibrated with the movement, and Sakura instinctively leapt upward. She was a fraction too slow, or it just moved far too fast, and several thick tendrils shot from the ground and coiled around her legs, pulling her back down. She hit the ground roughly and fell on one knee, and then more coils wound themselves around her arms, locking her down.

_Vines? What the_—

The ground shifted several feet in front of her and something began to rise from below the earth. It emerged not as if digging out, but as if it was molding from the earth itself. At first glance it appeared to be a large spiny plant, but then she saw a head and shoulders inside the carapace and realized it was a _man_. He was enormous. The man himself was tall, but from the bottom of his feet to the top of the plant's spiny tips he was easily over eight feet. Stranger still was the fact that his skin was two-toned, split down the middle of his body like he'd been painted, one half pitch black, the other stark white. But what caught her attention most was his clothing; a large black cloak adorned with red clouds.

She had finally been found.

"You are Haruno Sakura, yes?" the plant man addressed in a low, raspy voice.

It dawned on her that she had seen this man before. He was the one who had grabbed Itachi during his fight with Sasuke and vanished with him. "That's right. What do you want?"

"To talk."

"You sure have a nice way of greeting people," she scoffed, frowning at her live restraints. She couldn't see how they were attached to him, but she knew he was doing it. "And if you think these things are going to hold me you're sorely mistaken. You've got about five seconds to let go before I rip your tentacles off."

He showed no reaction to her threat, but a moment later the restraining vines uncoiled from her limbs and slowly disappeared back underground. Sakura still maintained a wary stance, alert for any sudden movement.

"It was only to keep you from attacking. You are not an enemy." "_Not yet, anyway._"

Sakura blinked. Did he just speak with two different voices? That gravelly, animalistic voice had come from his direction, and had immediately echoed his words. This was by far _the_ weirdest person she had ever met. "Who are you?"

"I am Zetsu. I was beginning to wonder when you would finally notice me."

"I've known you were watching me since I fought those hunters yesterday," she retorted, scowling.

He nodded. "Yes. I disposed of them for you."

"What do you mean _disposed_?"

The plant man grinned, or at least she thought it was a grin, as his lips drew back to reveal a row of sharpened teeth. "Carrion flesh is my prime source of nourishment." "_They were delicious_."

Sakura became increasingly disturbed as she studied him. His plant casing resembled a flytrap…a carnivorous plant. _Ugh. How creepy. _From puppets to sharks to zombies, and now cannibalistic plant men…Akatsuki sure liked to collect freaks, didn't they? "Okaaay…thanks, I guess." She fixed him with another glare. "So again, _Zetsu_, what do you want?"

"I told you; to talk. As you can see by the cloak I wear, I am a member of Akatsuki. Our organization has heard much about you, Haruno Sakura, and we've been watching you for some time. Our leader wishes to meet you."

"What for?" she asked suspiciously, though inwardly she was nervously excited. This was what she had been waiting for.

Zetsu shrugged, as much as he could inside his plant casing. "I guess you'll find out when you talk to him."

Jade eyes narrowed. "I assume this is not a request."

He flashed that disturbing grin again. "You assume correctly." "_You could refuse, but you won't like the outcome._"

Sakura appeared to think over the mandatory invitation, though of course she already knew her answer. Finally, she gave an indifferent shrug. "I have nothing better to do. Lead the way."

* * *

They entered the boundary of Hidden Rain just before nightfall. It was a large village, more like a city, much larger than Konoha and far more industrialized. Towering buildings of steel and concrete rose up like gray giants, imposing against the dreary skyline. There were no walls or gates that Sakura could see. If she hadn't already known, she wouldn't have thought it to be a hidden village at all.

As they entered the city Zetsu finally slowed their pace. She wondered how someone so seemingly ungainly could move so fast. They had traveled at top speed the entire day as they crossed the forests and snow-covered fields of River country. Maybe he just wanted to reach their destination without having to stop for the night, but Sakura suspected he had been testing her, gauging her speed and stamina. Though she was tired and hungry, she hadn't fallen behind once, and was confident she'd passed whatever assessment he had given her. Anxiety began to creep over her as they made their way along the rooftops toward the center of the city. She was in Akatsuki territory now, and if things didn't go well there was no getting out.

A light snow had fallen continuously ever since they crossed the border into River country. With a name like Hidden Rain, Sakura guessed there was precipitation nearly year-round here.

They rounded a corner and suddenly a tall building loomed ahead of them, dark and ominous in the fading light. Like every other building she'd seen it was concrete and steel with many strange metal tubes and turrets winding up the sides, possibly having something to do with lightning control or a drainage system. However what made this building stand out from the rest was the enormous stone statue worked into the façade, reaching from street level nearly to the top over a hundred feet up. It was a man, posed in a dominating stance with one hand gripping a sheathed katana, the other holding a long pipe before his mouth, from which steam rose as if he were truly smoking. The face was sinister and the mouth gaped open where the tongue protruded, long and curved. The whole thing was decidedly wicked looking. Sakura knew they had reached their destination.

She didn't question why she was being allowed to walk into Akatsuki's base of operations without a blindfold or some other method of disorientation. It didn't matter that she knew exactly where to find them, because if they decided she wasn't to be trusted she would never come out of this building again.

The legs of the statue framed the entrance; a giant stone foot on either side of a recessed alcove. They passed into this opening and stopped before a set of reinforced steel doors twice as tall as a man. There were no handles or buttons to make them open. If she wasn't able to see the seams she might have thought it part of the wall. Then Zetsu held his right arm out in front of him, the sleeve pushing back to reveal a silver ring on the little finger of his black-skinned hand. Sakura's eyes widened as the flat surface of the ring began to glow brightly. A moment later a seal carved into the face of the massive doors glowed in response, and then the doors swung inward with a heavy metallic groan.

Sakura stared into the dark entrance for a moment, and then looked up at Zetsu. The plant man stared back, and the look in his strange gold eyes gave her the feeling he was thinking something rather unpleasant. He was probably thinking that if things didn't go so well in there, he would be the one "_disposing_" of her corpse. Then without a word, he turned and passed over the threshold. Sakura took a deep breath and followed, and as soon as she passed through, the giant doors swung shut behind her.

Inside was nothing more than a small dark lobby with the same stone walls as the exterior, but at the far end was an elevator. It was hard to tell from the outside how many floors this building had, and there were only a few blank buttons on the panel, so she didn't know how far up they went before it stopped.

When the doors opened it was as if they had stepped into another world. They were in a low-lit hallway, the floor a dark polished stone and the walls paneled in rich mahogany. There was only one door, and she followed Zetsu as he moved toward it. He opened it and motioned for her to go inside. When she did she found herself in a reception room of sorts; the same dark floor and paneled walls, a carved stone fireplace, and a few leather chairs arranged in a loose arc in the center.

"Wait here. I will inform Leader you've arrived," Zetsu said, then backed away and closed the door.

Sakura had a feeling their leader already knew, and what the plant man said was only a formality. She did not sit, but continued to look around the room. Then she noticed another door off to the side; a section of the paneling that would slide open. She must be in the place where outside business was conducted, and that door led to an off-limits area. Several minutes passed, and Sakura made sure to carefully control any outward signs of anxiety as she studied the ornate pattern of the large floor rug.

Then she felt the presence of another person, the panel on the back wall slid open quietly, and Sakura came face to face with the leader of Akatsuki.

There was no doubt in her mind it was him, because even though this man didn't make her feel threatened, the power she could feel just below the surface of his calm exterior was colossal. He was tall, around six-foot, with a shock of spiky auburn hair and the strangest, most mesmerizing eyes she'd ever seen. They were ringed, as if there were more than one iris, beginning as a dark smoky gray around the pupil and growing lighter toward the outside until they faded into the white of the sclera. His face was very handsome, though he had piercings just about everywhere they would fit; seven in each ear, two fang-like studs below his lips, and a set of three more through the bridge of his nose. It was strange and disconcerting, but it was also very striking and somehow not unattractive. But what surprised her most was how young he was. This man was quite possibly the most powerful shinobi in the world, and it baffled her that he appeared to be in his early thirties at most.

In those few seconds of silence Sakura knew he had been assessing her as well, though she was pretty sure she made a far less impressive impact, dirty and travel-worn and underfed as she was.

"I am Pein." His voice was quiet, but deep, and held a penetrating quality no matter how softly he chose to speak.

Obviously he knew who she was, but Sakura introduced herself anyway for lack of something better to say. "I'm Haruno Sakura."

He moved around her with a soft rustle of his cloak and sat in one of the leather armchairs. Sakura figured this was an indication for her to sit as well, and she did so in the chair opposite him. The fire cracked almost too loudly in the silence, and a long minute passed before he spoke again. "Do you know why you're here, Haruno Sakura?"

"Zetsu said that you knew about me, that you had been…keeping track, and that you wanted to meet me. He didn't say why, but I have somewhat of an idea."

"What would that be?"

His penetrating ringed gaze was quite unsettling, though he still didn't make her feel threatened. Sakura knew that was only because he wasn't trying to. If he decided to turn on the intimidation she was sure her heart would be racing within seconds. "If you know about me then you know I used to be the apprentice of the Sannin Tsunade, and that next to her I'm the best medic there is. Whenever someone has business with me it's usually for that reason."

Pein leaned back in his chair, almost a slouch. "That's part of it. But you also have other skills that have caught Akatsuki's interest. Your ability to use chakra to both save and destroy is very impressive, and it's true we've been observing your movements for some time. Before you left Konoha, even."

That certainly surprised her, and she was sure it showed, though she tried to keep her calm demeanor. "So then…I suppose you wanted me to come here because you need my skills for something."

"For several things, possibly. I think you would be a special asset to obtain…and I want to offer you a place within our organization."

Sakura's eyes widened, her pulse quickening with nervous excitement. "You want me to join Akatsuki?"

"Correct. Though my mind won't be made up until we're finished talking. I had you brought here so we could discuss it in person, something I've only done a couple times before."

Was that supposed to make her feel special? Well…she supposed it _did_, actually. She couldn't help but feel mildly amused. "So this is a job interview?"

Pein's lips twisted just slightly at one corner. "Something like that. What do you know of Akatsuki's purpose?"

"I know that you intend to capture the nine bijuu, but I don't know what you plan to do with them once you have them. Theories range from resealing them into yourselves or chosen vessels to create a superhuman fighting force, to the possibility that you can somehow control them and use them to wipe out all the shinobi nations and maybe the entire world." She tried not to show her disdain and horror at either conjecture.

Pein nodded once. "Both of those theories are wrong, though the second is closer to the truth than the first. Akatsuki has three goals, all centered around a single purpose. Do you know the reason shinobi ultimately exist?"

She thought about it a moment. "For war, I suppose."

"Right. Humans are a violent species; they have always fought each other, and if the nature of the species doesn't change, they always will. The reason for war doesn't matter. Religion, ideals, wealth, land, grudge, love, or just because…no matter how ridiculous the reason, it can become a reason for war. It has become a business for the powerful. For those countries that have control of hidden villages, the lifeblood of their economy is based on this 'business,' providing shinobi services within and outside their borders. For those countries to remain economically stable, they need war. But as you know, today most shinobi services are small skirmishes or petty dealings, and large-scale, destructive wars have all but disappeared."

"Isn't that a good thing, for those who want a peaceful existence?" Sakura questioned.

"Yes and no. The larger villages attached to the greater nations are in no danger, but for the last few decades the smaller villages have been in crisis. Without war, the shinobi business falters. Many of the smaller hidden villages have been deemed unnecessary by their countries, because the amount of income they are able to generate has diminished. This has led to many villages being downsized or disbanded, their shinobi cast out to roam the world as rogue ninja, which in turn has led to a rise in mercenary groups. Having no real purpose of existence, these groups focus only on personal gain and have taken to raiding and pillaging and slaving to increase their power and influence. One of the more successful of these groups was the upstart Hidden Sound, led by Orochimaru, and as you know, once they became a problem the larger villages couldn't ignore, they were wiped out. But others will rise, and the cycle will continue."

Sakura nodded slowly. "The renegade shinobi may try to seize control of weak civilian nations, or the greater nations will try to expand their territory and resources by taking over the now-defenseless smaller countries. Eventually there will be a full-scale war, and everyone will want in on it for some reason or other. I would venture a guess that Akatsuki intends to capitalize on this outcome in some way, perhaps even enable it."

Pein nodded. "An intelligent and accurate assumption. But what you speak of is only the beginning of our true purpose. As I said, Akatsuki has three objectives. The first is the basest; to accumulate a large amount of money. We do this in many various ways. That objective is nearly complete and we've already begun the second, which is to use that money to gather those renegade shinobi to us and create the largest mercenary force the world has ever seen."

"A shinobi village without allegiance to any nation, unbound by laws," Sakura said, eyes widening slightly at the implications.

"Exactly. What we do will change everything. Aside from being the leader of Akatsuki, I am also the leader of Hidden Rain. The people of this small nation are devoted to me as their savior. They will be the core of this revolution, and here is where we will gather shinobi to our cause. This new force will undercut the competition and gain a monopoly on the shinobi industry, eventually causing even the larger villages to 'go out of business.' With their economies crumbling and their hidden villages all but crippled, the greater nations will be unable to defend themselves against a major threat. That major threat will come from us, Akatsuki, by using the power of the nine bijuu to create a forbidden jutsu so powerful it can destroy an entire nation instantly. We will use the threat of utter annihilation to force these nations to comply with our third and final goal, our true purpose…a world without war."

Sakura stared incredulously. Akatsuki's ultimate goal…was _world peace_? It was so outrageous she almost laughed. "You…Akatsuki…wants to create a peaceful world by means of warfare?"

Pein nodded solemnly, his ringed eyes glinting. "Our destructive power will act as a deterrent, and mankind will no longer raise arms against each other for fear of repercussions, for fear of divine retribution. We will be gods of the new world order."

_Gods?_ Sakura had figured they were all insane, but this type of megalomania was astounding. "But, is peace through fear really peace at all? Controlling the world with an iron fist is not going to eliminate the violent nature of humans, as you talked about. It only supresses it through fear. Fear breeds hatred, and hatred only leads to more violence in the end. Is that really the way to obtain world peace?"

"A world without pain is a world without pain. It doesn't matter how or why the wars stop, the fact remains that they _will_ stop. Eventually, with the passage of time, people will be strangers to the idea of war. You could say that the nature of humans will evolve, that the world will mature, become a place where bloodshed seems unnatural and fighting is looked upon with revulsion, a world where no one will know the pain that so many in this world know every day of their lives. A world without pain and suffering is worth any cost," he finished, eyes hard and full of conviction.

"So you're saying the end justifies the means."

He gave the faintest shrug. "If you want to view it so bluntly, then yes."

Sakura wondered if he was aware of how much insight he gave into himself with his passionate words. Pein was clearly an egomaniac, thinking himself a god and the savior of all mankind. But even so, he lacked a certain aristocratic narcissism that most powerful leaders possess. His demeanor and speech were very informal, and didn't seem to mind that she questioned him. She got the feeling his origins were quite humble, that once he had been an average or lowly man who had suffered a great deal of pain and loss, and had pulled himself to the top with his fervent drive to rid the world of the suffering he had known. Thinking over his words, she felt a tiny twinge of something she couldn't define, an unsettling voice in the back of her mind that whispered that much of what Pein said made sense. His methods were clearly insane, but in the end his intentions were noble. It was confusing, but she couldn't ponder it right now. It didn't matter what maniacal ideals he spouted, she had to go along with it and do what she came here to do.

"I understand what you're trying to do, and I believe many of your points to be valid," she said quietly.

Pein seemed pleased, or at least she thought he did, it was hard to tell. "Good. Though it doesn't matter if you share my beliefs or not. There are members of Akatsuki who have their own ambitions, and they are welcome to follow them as long as they aren't counterproductive to our goal. Your unique abilities can aid us in achieving that goal, and that is why I am speaking to you now. However, there is one other thing I want to know about you, Sakura. Konoha doesn't produce many missing-nin. How did you end up as one?"

Sakura regarded him cautiously. "Don't you already know that?"

"Only what's on record. I want to hear the details from your point of view."

Sakura gazed at the flickering flames in the fireplace and sighed. "Well, as you probably know I was arrested for a supposed act of treason. I was interrogated, and it didn't go well." She frowned angrily for effect. "I was the apprentice of the Hokage, one of the village's top medics and an elite jounin…I thought I was a person of _respect_, I thought I would at least get the benefit of the doubt before I was locked in a room with a bunch of sadists and strapped to a chair with a blinding light in my face. But _no_…they turned on me at the drop of a hat. I knew I was going to be convicted and most likely executed, and I decided I wasn't going to give my life to them willingly or forcibly. My chakra had been mostly drained, but I don't need very much to be easily stronger than any normal human, so I broke free and took out my guards and fled the village in the middle of the night. Since then I've been out here on my own."

"So what exactly did you do to betray your village in the first place?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Compassion was my betrayal. I was arrested because somehow they found out that five years ago, I helped someone I shouldn't have, even though I knew he was a wanted criminal, and I let him go and never told anyone about the incident. Konoha considered it an act of treason to save a dying man's life because that particular man…was Deidara, an Akatsuki," she finished wryly.

Pein studied her with interest, but showed no real surprise, and Sakura wondered if he may have already known, or at least suspected. "Why would you do such a thing, knowing what the consequences would be. Kindness of that level is a dangerous thing to have in this world, as you found out."

"Because I believe I was given a gift to help people, and that to only help my friends or others like me is hypocrisy," she answered calmly. "Because I don't see the world in black and white."

Pein's lips twisted in a faint smirk. "Indeed. How ironic, that your act of unbiased compassion ended you up here, talking to me. It almost seems…fated. Don't you agree…Deidara?"

Sakura stiffened as she heard someone, who had concealed their presence until now (though not from Pein, apparently,) enter from the open passageway behind her. She turned in her chair and her heart gave a small nervous _thump_ as she found herself staring into all-too-familiar blue eyes.

In her memory he had been filthy and covered in burns and wounds, so she wasn't quite ready for the full picture, of a man – no longer a boy – with the dark cloak and the long blond hair that _wasn't_ burnt off. He looked quite different from her time-fragmented memories and oh had he grown up well. Then she realized that at the moment she probably looked like utter shit, since she hadn't slept or bathed or eaten properly in two days, and suddenly felt rather uncomfortable.

Deidara leaned against the frame of the open panel with his arms crossed, looking back at her with extreme interest. He shifted his weight a little and answered Pein's question. "It certainly does. Hello again…Sakura," he greeted, playfully rolling her name on his tongue.

"Hello, Deidara. I see you lived after all. I wasn't sure."

"Well now you know. This is certainly the last place I ever expected to see you again."

"Likewise. But life can throw a curveball now and then."

An ironic smirk curled his lips. "That it can, yeah."

Pein watched their interaction closely, and then his eyes fixed on the explosives expert. "Why were you lurking, Deidara? You didn't know who I was meeting with."

Deidara shrugged. "I knew you were meeting somebody about potential entrance into Akatsuki. Obviously I took interest since any new member will probably be partnered with me."

Sakura fought down her surprise at that piece of information.

"That's getting a bit ahead of things," Pein said. "First, Sakura has to give her answer." His penetrating gaze focused intently on the kunoichi. "Haruno Sakura, do you accept the invitation to become a member of Akatsuki?"

Sakura took a moment to answer, fighting down her nerves and willing herself to hold Pein's intense gaze. She inhaled deeply, and then gave a single nod. "I accept."

The Akatsuki leader inclined his head in assent. "Excellent." He stood, his cloak rustling as it straightened. Sakura rose as well. She heard Deidara move away from the doorframe and into the room, but she remained focused on Pein as he spoke again. "Now there is the matter of your partner. Akatsuki always works and travel in pairs, with the exception of Zetsu, whose duties require him to work alone."

"Funny coincidence that your new partner is me, hm?" Deidara smirked.

"You don't know that. I could always partner her with Hidan," Pein said evenly.

Deidara snorted. "Not if you want her to stick around. Or live. You know as well as I do that one of them would end up dead in no time. Most likely her, since Hidan's a zombie cult freak, yeah."

Pein shot him a reproving look. "Don't talk about your comrade that way. _You_ survived being partnered with him, and I'm sure Sakura is much easier to get along with."

Deidara rolled his eyes.

Meanwhile, Sakura was taken aback. "_Hidan?_"

Both men looked at her. "Ah, that's right…Hidan was taken out by your former comrades of the Leaf," Pein recalled.

"Yeah…I was _there_. He got blown into bits and buried throughout the forest…but you're saying he's _alive_?"

There was a muttered '_unfortunately_' from Deidara, but Pein and Sakura ignored him.

"Hidan practices a religion that has given him a type of immortality. He can't be killed by injury, and his remains didn't decompose when Konoha neutralized him. It took Zetsu several years to collect all of him, but now he's revived and mostly recovered," Pein explained. "At any rate, it's true that Hidan can be…difficult, and you would be mismatched since he has no need of a medic. It's convenient that you two are already acquainted, and will probably work better together anyway, so you will be partnered with Deidara."

Sakura stole a glance at Deidara to see his reaction, but she couldn't read much in his expression. She was glad she didn't have to partner with the revived zombie cult freak – as Deidara so eloquently put it – who killed Asuma, but at the same time she wasn't sure what to think about this arrangement either.

"As you know, Akatsuki isn't a welcome presence in many parts of the world, though that is slowly changing as we make arrangements for our revolution," Pein continued. "But this village is loyal only to me. Akatsuki is accepted here and can move freely within River's borders."

He stopped speaking suddenly and looked to the open panel as another presence entered the room. Sakura followed his gaze and was surprised to see a woman, another Akatsuki, who entered without preamble and stopped next to Pein, as if she'd been expected all along. She was tall for a woman, and her hair was a strange shade of deep indigo, pinned up in a chignon and adorned with a white flower that appeared to be made of paper. Her eyes were a startling yellow-green, lidded in heavy dark shadow, and there was a metal stud under her bottom lip. Her appearance was atypical, but Sakura thought her beautiful.

"Sakura, this is Konan. She is my partner," Pein introduced.

"Hello, Sakura," Konan said, her voice low and even.

"Nice to meet you," Sakura replied politely, out of habit.

Konan held an object between her fingers, which she gave to Pein. The Akatsuki leader fixed Sakura with his penetrating gaze and held the object out to her. It was a ring, heavy and silver with a flat face bearing the kanji for "sky" against a purple background. "Wear this on your left little finger. This ring grants you access to our bases and forms a telepathic link that allows us to communicate when physically gathering isn't possible. It has other purposes too, which you will learn in time. Never take it off. Never lose it."

Sakura stared at the ring in her palm, fascinated. She knew all Akatsuki wore rings, but had never known why until now. It didn't look like it would fit, especially not her pinky, but she didn't question it as she slipped the ring onto her finger.

Immediately the symbol flared brightly, and worries of size disappeared as it shrank on its own to fit as if it had been made for her. Then she gasped as a sharp flood of sensation coursed rapidly through her body. It was like being burned and dunked in icewater at the same time. It hurt, but she forced herself to stoically endure whatever was being done to her, refusing to lose face in front of people who had obviously endured the same thing before. Then every inch of her body began to tingle, and she stared at her trembling hand in shock as her fingernails began to burn, then darkened and turned black before her eyes. Well. That answered _that_ question.

It was over in less than a minute, leaving Sakura perspiring and slightly winded from maintaining control of herself through the pain. Slowly, she lowered her hand to her side and looked up at Pein.

Leader's ringed gaze bored into her. "Welcome to Akatsuki."

Not knowing what to say in return, Sakura simply nodded, suddenly feeling exhausted.

She was in. Her mission had finally begun.

Konan turned to her. "Come, I'll get you what you need and show you around." She waited for Sakura's nod of assent and then moved toward the door that led to the hallway.

Sakura shot a final glance to Pein and then to Deidara, her new partner. She still had a lot of questions, but she had to assume she would be informed or could ask later. She moved through the door after the taller woman, missing the way Deidara's eyes followed her on the way out.

* * *

Konan led her back to the elevator, and once inside she explained the functions of the unmarked panel as they ascended. At the top, the hallway they stepped into was the same as the one below. Again there was only one place to go, but here there were large double doors carved with the same seals as the building entrance. When they stopped before them Sakura felt a warmth on her hand and glanced down to find that _both_ of their rings were glowing, and she watched as the doors flared and swung open silently.

They entered into a large common room, and as Sakura took in the sight her eyes widened slightly in wonder. Twin sofas of oxblood leather faced a large ornately carved fireplace, and a few armchairs of the same crimson color were placed about the room, all of which sat over large, intricately patterned floor rugs. She noted the open panel on the wall that must lead down to where she'd just been. Several bookshelves and scroll cases lined the walls, and to Sakura's slight surprise, a billiards table stood in the center of the room. It was sophisticated and elegant without being overly opulent. Certainly different from the way most other missing-nin lived, though it made sense that Akatsuki wouldn't live in squalor.

Konan talked as she led Sakura through the room. "This is our main base of operations, though we have others that you will see in time. All Akatsuki reside here when not on assignment, but it's rare for everyone to be here at the same time. Usually it's rather quiet and empty."

"How many members are there?" Sakura asked as they entered a spacious kitchen and eating area that resembled a cafeteria more than a dining room, with several small tables rather than one large one. Perhaps the members didn't like sitting together like one big happy family at meals.

"Eight, including you," Konan answered. "We didn't always reside in one place. In fact for a long time we almost never interacted in person, but things are different now. Things are starting to turn in our favor and it's not as dangerous to gather together in one place anymore. Coincidentally, Itachi, Kisame and Hidan should all be returning tomorrow for a day or two, so you will get to meet them sooner than you usually would."

Sakura's mouth tightened. "I've already met Itachi and Hidan."

Konan paused, giving her a wry look. "Well now you will meet them as comrades."

Sakura nodded faintly, playing along. It probably wouldn't matter if she wasn't buddy-buddy with her "comrades," but she didn't want to cause any problems right from the start either.

As they left the kitchen and walked down a long hallway Konan continued to give her other small details. Sakura absorbed it mostly in silence. The blue-haired kunoichi was very thorough at filling her in, preemptively answering more questions than Sakura had even thought of yet. She was also providing some very useful information for Sakura to relay to Konoha when the time came.

They paused as Konan opened the first door on the right, but didn't go in, merely gestured for Sakura to take a look. "This is the library. You can find information about many things, including nearly every regular and forbidden jutsu there is. Some of these scrolls are the jutsu themselves. You're welcome to use whatever you are able to."

Sakura gazed around the room in awe. Dozens of shelves containing books and scrolls lined the walls, with desks and research tables in the center. This room was a jackpot for studious people like her. "There's so many!" she remarked with quiet excitement.

Konan nodded. "It's taken many years to collect them. Several were stolen by Orochimaru when he defected, but they were recovered – as well as several he acquired on his own – with his death and the fall of Hidden Sound, along with the ring you wear."

She started in surprise, and stared at the ring on her finger. "Orochimaru's…"

Konans lips curled in a faint smile. "It's not contaminated or anything, though I understand your sentiment."

Sakura met her gaze, and a small smile formed on her own lips. Though she had only just met her, she had the feeling she would like Konan. The idea that she might come to like or respect _any_ of them was unsettling, but this woman didn't seem sinister or evil. She was intelligent, and there was a poise and sophistication in the way she spoke and carried herself that made Sakura feel rather awkward and childish.

"So how long have you been in Akatsuki?" she asked, to make conversation as they continued down the long passage.

"Pein and I were the first. It's been…nearly fifteen years now."

That surprised her, for just like Pein, Konan didn't look past her early thirties. "That's a long time. You must have been pretty young," Sakura remarked.

Konan cast a sidelong glance at her. "Yes…though in our hearts we were already old."

Sakura pondered the cryptic comment, wondering if it had anything to do with Pein's allusion to a hard past. She found herself wanting to know more about both of them, but didn't think it a good idea to ask so soon. Instead she nodded understandingly. "That's true about all of us who are raised to be shinobi, on some level."

"Yes, it is. Many children of the world have been forced to endure more darkness and pain than they should have at a young age. What we do will change that," she said with quiet conviction.

Sakura nodded absently, her thoughts troubled and confused again. They stopped before a door that was different from the rest. It had a window, more like an office door than one found in a residence. She soon discovered why when Konan opened the door and revealed a spacious infirmary.

"This is the medical room. It isn't used often, but when it is the guys usually make a mess out of it trying to patch themselves up," Konan explained wryly. "I'm sure it will see more frequent—and sanitary—use, now that you're here."

Konan shut the door and they continued down the corridor. Sakura made a mental note to come back and explore every inch of that room along with the library as soon as she got the chance.

They stopped at the next door down, and this time they went inside. To put it simply, they were in a giant closet. Along one wall was a hanging rack of several Akatsuki cloaks, organized in different sizes. Another wall held a row of straw kasa, attached with white cloth streamers long enough to reach past the shoulders. Sakura estimated that when worn with the high-collared cloaks, they would almost completely obscure the identity of the wearer.

"You'll get a set of your own cloaks tailored for you, but until then you can use one of these," Konan said, moving to the far end of the cloak rack where the shorter ones were. "These are spares in case ours get ruined somehow."

Sakura pulled one of the smallest cloaks from its hanger and slipped it on for trial. It was a little too big, broader in the shoulders and probably an inch or two too long, but it would do. The fabric was of high quality and expertly tailored, and though it was rather heavy, it wasn't cumbersome. Quite nice, actually. It occurred to her suddenly that every other member including Konan, from what she recalled or was able to judge, was at least four or five inches taller than her. Meaning the cloak she was currently wearing had most likely been a spare once belonging to Sasori, whose puppet body had been a young teenage boy. Well. How ironic was _that_?

Next she was given a kasa, to wear in bad weather or when travelling through places where her identity would cause problems. Then Konan pulled several pairs of white leg-guards from a shelf and handed them to her.

"The guys all wear them, but like me you may find they don't really match. I like your boots, by the way," she said with a small smile.

Sakura looked down and noticed that she and Konan did have similar taste in footwear. Konan's black boots also had thick, raised heels, though white rather than black, and rose to an unknown length under her cloak. "Thanks." She returned her smile. "I like yours too."

Konan continued the tour. "I forgot to mention, the door in the kitchen leads to the rooftop where there's a training area, and Zetsu's greenhouse is also up there. Being a medic you may find it useful, but Zetsu keeps a lot of hazardous things in there so it probably wouldn't be a good idea to enter it without him."

"Thanks for the warning," Sakura replied amusedly.

The corridor was L-shaped, and they turned as they reached the bend. "The rest of the rooms are all private quarters, and each door is chakra sealed by the occupant. We respect each other's privacy, but it's in the nature of shinobi to be paranoid, I suppose." She named the owners with a gesture as they passed each closed door, and Sakura memorized the order for future reference. "This is Kisame's room…then Zetsu…Hidan…Itachi …Deidara…this one is yours," she said as they stopped, "and the one at the end of the corridor is mine and Pein's."

Sakura looked up at that, studying the other woman while keeping her expression neutral. Konan had said it almost blandly, and with no hesitation. Apparently this little fact was simply accepted among members without ado. It just _was_.

"There isn't really anything else," Konan continued without missing a beat. "Do you have any other questions?"

Sakura shook her head. "Not that I can think of right now. Thanks for showing me around."

Konan nodded. "I'm sure you're tired from travelling all day. I'll leave you to settle in."

The other woman disappeared down the long hallway, and Sakura entered her quarters. It was bigger and nicer than any room she'd ever stayed in, and the ongoing theme of black and crimson was here, too. There were heavy drapes on the windows, a large floor rug, a mahogany writing desk and bureau, and an empty bookshelf with a comfy looking armchair. The bed was big enough to sleep three, with scarlet sheets and a comforter of black velvet. It looked sinfully comfortable, and she was tempted to crash then and there. But first things first: to bathe.

She had her own bathroom, which was a blessing with so many men living here. Not only was there a shower, but a full-sized bathtub, too. If Sakura had to live with a group of dangerous criminals, at least she would be living in style. She took a long shower, relaxing and letting some of her stress and weariness wash away. The hot water never cooled or ran out, which she thought was completely fantastic. Afterward she dressed in her last set of clean and untorn clothes, and then slipped on the black cloak with red clouds. She inspected herself in the full-length mirror, eyeing her Akatsuki cloak and scratched out hitai-ate, and barely recognized herself. But she wasn't simply playing dress up. No, this game was much more serious, with much higher stakes. She _was_ a missing-nin. She _was_ Akatsuki. And she was also a spy.

Moving to the bed where her pack lay, she pulled out a small, rolled slip of paper secured in a rubber band. She unrolled it as she crossed to the writing desk, revealing a transformation seal. She made the seals, and with a soft _pop_ the specialized message scroll sat on the desk before her. She hadn't made contact with Konoha since leaving three months ago. There had been no reason to until now. She didn't feel comfortable doing this inside the base, and couldn't afford to take much time, but she needed to send word that her mission had finally begun. She pulled a regular ballpoint pen from the case on the desk and wrote a short, concise message:

_I'm in. Base is Amegakure. 7 other members. Partner is Deidara. Details will follow when prudent._

At the bottom she added the date, and then quickly made the special seals she'd learned and placed the fingertips of each hand on the corresponding marks. She watched as her writing moved in squiggled lines until it formed a tiny line of ants, which then rose from the paper and hurried off the edge of the desk and down the leg before disappearing under a tiny crack at the base of the wall. Satisfied they would get away unnoticed, she quickly re-rolled the scroll and transformed it back into an inconspicuous slip of paper, and then slipped it into the inner pocket of her cloak.

A moment later there was a knock at her door, and Sakura's heart nearly stopped. She knew she wasn't caught or they wouldn't be knocking, but that had been too close for her liking. She wouldn't send a message from inside the base again. Composing herself, she crossed to the door and pulled it open, and her carefully neutral expression changed to one of mild surprise when she found herself face to face with Deidara.

"Yo."

"Hey," she said evenly, willing her pulse to slow, silently thanking whoever decided to put high collars on these cloaks. "What's up?"

He didn't reply immediately, unabashedly taking in her new appearance. Then he smirked. "You look a hell of a lot better than before. A shower and a change of clothes helped a lot, yeah."

Sakura glared at him. "Did anyone ever tell you you make a really bad first impression? And I suppose you're _always_ fresh and rosy when you travel for twelve hours straight."

He grinned. "But we've already met. If you're counting impressions, this would be the third, yeah."

She gave him an exasperated look. "Whatever. Did you need something?"

"I came to get you. So let's go."

"Where?"

"Mission," he answered casually, already moving down the hall.

Sakura stared after him a moment. A mission already? Unexpected, but she had to go along with it. After quickly placing a chakra seal on the door, she shut it behind her and followed after him.


	5. Deceptive Honesty

**Vertigo**

Chapter Five: Deceptive Honesty

* * *

Deidara led her down out of the building and into the streets of Amegakure. It was still snowing, so they donned their straw hats as they stepped onto the slushy sidewalk. It was well after dark, but Sakura noticed right away that this city didn't go to sleep when the sun went down. By the look of things, it barely even slowed. The streets were still bustling and the sounds of activity could be heard from all directions. Neon signs blazed everywhere on the strangely constructed buildings, advertising anything from restaurants and bars to nightclubs and twenty-four hour porn shops.

Sakura didn't know what it was like to be an Akatsuki out in the world yet, though she imagined it wasn't very pleasant in most cases. But here in this city they were mostly ignored as they made their way to wherever they were going, and surprisingly a few citizens even gave them nods of respect as they passed. She also noticed that the shinobi inhabitants of this village all had their hitai-ate scratched out, and she remembered hearing about the civil war here, and the division of the village until Pein – leader of the rebel faction –wiped out all opposition and singlehandedly restored order.

They walked a few blocks and entered an all-night entertainment district. Sounds of music and loud conversation drifted to their ears out of almost every doorway under more obnoxiously bright neon signs, and Sakura began to wonder just what they were doing.

"Where are we going?" she asked Deidara, who walked a few steps ahead of her.

"You'll see," he said casually, barely turning his head back to regard her.

Sakura was indignant. _So that's how it is, huh?_ Not if she had anything to say about it! She stopped in her tracks and glared at his back. "Hey!" He stopped and turned around. "I know I may be the rookie or whatever, but if we're going to be partners then we're going to work _together_. I'm not your fucking lackey, and I'm not just going to follow you around and do what you say."

Deidara stared at her, the part of his face she could see between his cloak and kasa showing a strange expression, as if he were somehow fascinated or entertained by her sudden flare-up. He grinned widely. "Don't get your panties in a twist." Sakura scowled, and he chuckled in amusement. "It's a surprise." He turned and started walking again.

She glared after him, still in a huff and slightly contrite now as well. Deidara turned a corner onto another street, and she quickly started forward to catch up before she lost him.

As they walked she appraised her new partner from behind, comparing him to the boy she remembered. Though he'd been mostly supine when she healed him back to life five years ago, she could tell he'd grown. If he was as close to her age as she suspected then he had been a teenager back then, and now he was a grown man. He was taller, his shoulders broader. He still had the same long blond hair, tied in a topknot with a large section covering the left side of his face. She knew for a fact he had both eyes and no deformities, so she would definitely have to ask him about it sometime.

When she got tired of staring at his back – there wasn't much to observe with the cloak and hat on, after all – she took to studying the active nightlife around her. Most of this area appeared to be bars and nightclubs, which type being determined by the tempo of the music drifting out from doorways, and by the presence of the occasional burly bouncer standing outside. There were also gambling halls, strip clubs, and Sakura even thought she spotted a brothel. Apparently the laws here were more lenient than in Fire country. Then again, what else could be expected in a village run by the leader of the world's most dangerous criminal organization?

Deidara assertively led her through the narrow streets, as if he'd been here several times before. A few blocks more and he stopped outside a place that was quieter than the rest, though the din of conversation still drifted out to them. Frowning slightly and wondering what they could possibly be doing here, Sakura followed him inside. The establishment was dimly lit and slightly hazy from cigarette smoke, and while not exactly quiet, it wasn't boisterous like the other joints they passed on the way. There were pool tables in the back, music played from a jukebox in the far corner, and men around tables were playing poker or simply drinking and talking. Nothing fancy, just an average pub. That still didn't answer the question…

"Deidara, what are we doing in a bar?" Sakura asked him as he removed his kasa and started toward two empty stools at the corner of the long bar.

He turned partway and grinned. "Drinking, what else?"

She stared after him, bewildered, then followed quickly as she removed her own hat. "Your mission is to get me drunk?"

"No," he said, taking a seat on the end stool. "_Our _mission, is to get drunk _together_."

Was he mocking her? It didn't seem like it, but she cast him a distrustful glare anyway as she sat adjacent to him. "Fine. But you're buying. I'm not exactly rich these days."

Deidara set his kasa next to hers on the bar. "That'll change soon enough. This job pays well, yeah."

"I imagine it does," she replied dryly.

He waved down the bartender, who nodded in acknowledgment and came over a moment later to set two beers in front of them. "Put it on the tab," Deidara told him, then picked up his bottle and took a long swig. The bartender nodded and walked back to his other customers.

"Come here often?" Sakura ventured.

He shrugged. "Often enough." He turned on his stool to regard her better. "You know, you're lucky you're coming into Akatsuki now rather than earlier, yeah."

Sakura took a testing sip of her drink, and then followed with a longer one. Deidara had good taste in beer. "Why?"

"Things used to be a lot different. Until recently we didn't have an official base of operations, and the cohabitation thing is pretty new. Before that we all lived like other missing-nin—in shitty motels or caves or whatever was available. We moved in our own teams, and rarely came in contact with other members. Even when we extracted bijuu it was done remotely through the jutsu binding our rings."

"How did you get orders, then?"

He glanced down at his ring. "Leader told you about the telepathic link in these, right? Well basically the ring is a way for him to communicate with us individually or in groups. But we can't communicate with each other unless Leader is linking us together. Don't worry; he can't spy on us or anything," he added after seeing her wary look.

"Leader?" she asked curiously.

"That's what everyone calls him. Only Konan calls him Pein, yeah."

"Just Leader? Not Leader-dono, or Leader-sama…?"

He shook his head. "Just Leader. He's a pretty low-key guy, you know…for someone who thinks he's a god."

Sakura had to laugh a little. "Yeah, I noticed."

"That's another thing that's different now. Until about a year ago, no one but Konan and maybe Zetsu ever saw Leader, since we always used the jutsu to communicate. I've been in Akatsuki for nine years, and I only met him in person when we all gathered here in Rain."

Sakura was surprised. "Nine years? I didn't think you were that old…"

"I'm _not_ that old. I was pretty young when they brought me in, yeah."

"How young?"

After a long pause he answered, "Fourteen."

Fourteen and already a missing-nin? But then, Sasuke had been even younger when he took off. Though to be strong enough to join Akatsuki at that age…. Also, she had guessed correctly; he was only three years older than her. "That's so young…I was barely a chuunin at fourteen," she said, still amazed.

He shrugged. "Itachi was younger when he joined, I heard. Like ten or something." He took a long drink, his expression conspicuously neutral. "That's another thing; you're one of the only members Leader ever recruited in person, yeah."

She recalled Pein mentioning that. "How were you recruited?"

His expression drew inward, and his smirk disappeared. "Sasori, Itachi and Kisame found me one day, and told me I was joining Akatsuki. I didn't want to work with them, but I wasn't offered a choice."

Her brow shot up in surprise. "You were forced into joining?"

He gave her a pointed look. "It may have been worded nicer, but so were you. If you had refused Leader would have killed you on the spot, yeah."

"I know," she said quietly.

"Anyway," he continued, "it's not that bad. For a missing-nin it's as good as it gets."

She studied him carefully. These weren't typically the kinds of insights you give the new guy. Why was he telling her these things? In fact… "Why did you really bring me here, Deidara? I doubt you just had a sudden urge for a beer. Do you do this with every new partner you get?"

Deidara gave a curt, ironic laugh. "Hardly." He was quiet a moment, then he turned to her and shrugged. "I don't know…it's been pretty boring around here lately. If you haven't noticed, the others aren't exactly the life-of-the-party. Kisame is pretty cool, but he's been gone for weeks."

"So you were just bored," Sakura said flatly.

He smirked at her. "That, and since we're partners now, and we got along _so_ well last time, I figured we could pick up where we left off…getting to know each other."

Sakura tried to glare at him for making innuendos, but couldn't help the amused smiled tugging at her lips. Apparently he remembered their last encounter as well as she did. "Okay, then I have a question for you. Back then, you said you'd always wanted to meet me again. Why was that?"

He took another long drink, eyeing her thoughtfully. "Because of your art, yeah."

Sakura frowned in confusion. He'd mentioned something about art back then too. "What do you mean, 'art?'?"

He straightened a little, enthused to be talking about what was clearly his favorite subject. "True art…is an ephemeral moment of beauty, there one moment and gone the next. The purest art appears suddenly and explosively and then vanishes; a devastating, fleeting perfection. My explosive jutsu is true art at its finest. Whatever it is you do that lets you destroy mountains with your bare hands…that's art too, yeah."

Sakura sort of understood what he was getting at with the whole 'beauty is fleeting' thing, but he'd also just revealed himself to be quite arrogant, at least about this subject, and also rather close to insane if he considered chaos and destruction to be 'art.' But the insane part didn't really surprise her.

Deidara stared at her expectantly. "So? How does it work? You killed Sasori with it, and he was no easy opponent."

Sakura grew a little wary, wondering where he was going by bringing up Sasori.

Deidara noticed and explained before she turned defensive. "I don't care that you killed him. Yeah he was my partner, but honestly I couldn't stand the guy. I respected him as an artist, but he always looked down on _my_ art, and that's something I can't forgive. Anyway, back to the point. What I remember most about that day was that _you_ were the one who busted into our cavern, yeah. You smashed that huge boulder blocking the door, and when we found the place afterward the roof was collapsed and the entire cave was a giant pile of rubble. You don't use explosions, so how do you do it?"

Sakura couldn't help but smile with pride, pleased that he took such interest in her fighting style. "I have perfect chakra control. That's the main reason I'm a medic-nin. Do you know anything about medical ninjutsu?"

"Just basic stuff, like how to slow bleeding and keep swelling down."

She nodded. "So then you know it requires you to channel chakra to certain parts of the body. It's the same principal with my fighting; I gather chakra to my fists or legs or wherever, and with extreme control I can push the chakra outward, creating an impact force while also pushing chakra through my muscles to give them superhuman strength. At the same time I create a secondary layer of chakra under the impacting one, as a barrier to prevent any damage to myself."

Deidara was impressed. "Damn, that's some complicated stuff. You'd _have_ to have perfect chakra control for that, yeah."

She smiled. "That's not all I can do with chakra. It's just the most obvious."

"Yeah? What else?"

She picked up a cocktail napkin from the bar and dangled it in front of her for Deidara to see. Then with her other hand she ran her index finger down the length of the napkin, just barely touching the paper, and as her finger moved a fine split appeared down the middle. She let go, and the two cleanly severed halves fell to the bar top. She met Deidara's wide-eyed stare, and held up her forefinger for him to see the faint glow of chakra, extended past the tip into a sharp point.

"With a technique like that…all you'd have to do is _touch_ someone in the right place to kill them, huh?" he asked in slight awe.

Sakura nodded. "It can sever arteries and tendons, puncture organs, disable the nervous system, all kinds of unpleasant stuff."

"Did you learn that from the Sannin Tsunade?"

"Not that one. That one I taught myself after one too many run-ins with Orochimaru's man-bitch, Kabuto. He was one sadistic bastard, but I have to admit that particular technique was brilliant," she said, toying with one of the napkin pieces.

Deidara chuckled. "I'll remember not to piss you off too much then. Or at least be out of reach when I do, yeah."

Sakura gave him a mild glare, but was more amused than annoyed. "So how does yours work? The explosions, I mean."

"I use special clay that becomes explosive when infused with my chakra. I mold it into sculptures for different uses and infuse my chakra into it with these, yeah." He grinned and held both hands up, tongues waggling at her.

Sakura almost choked on her beer. How did she not notice _those_ before? The medic in her was instantly curious. "Whoa. Is that a bloodline limit?"

"Yep."

"Can I see?"

"You _are_ seeing it."

"No, I mean can I…" She held out her hand.

He stared at her warily for a moment, but then slowly gave her his hand.

She turned it palm up and inspected the mouth there with scientific fascination, prodding the lip-like edges apart with her thumb to reveal a row of teeth.

"Careful where you put your fingers."

She glanced up at him flatly. "Why, you bite?"

Deidara grinned wickedly. "Only if you ask nicely."

Sakura quickly looked back to his hand and continued her examination, ignoring the sudden fluttery sensation in her tummy. He had nice hands, she noted. Not too large, slender but strong fingers, calluses from kunai and shuriken use but relatively unscarred. They reminded her of Sai's hands; an artist and a killer, able to create beauty and destruction both.

Suddenly she found herself inappropriately thinking about what sorts of things a man with three mouths could do in the bedroom. She blinked the dirty thoughts away. "That's actually really cool," she said, releasing his hand.

The look he gave her was unreadable. "You're weird, yeah."

Sakura scoffed. "I'm weird because I _don't_ find your hand-mouths to be freaky and gross? I figured you'd appreciate it." Deidara just stared at her, smirking faintly as if he was thinking something naughty. She focused her gaze elsewhere. "Anyway, I'm a medic; my sense of morbid curiosity runs stronger than most. I usually find things more fascinating than creepy, and it takes a lot to gross me out."

Deidara didn't reply to that, but after a moment their conversation continued and they went for a second, third, and fourth round of beers. After a couple hours Sakura came to the conclusion that Deidara liked to talk, and liked to give his opinion on anything and everything. He was giving her a ton of useful information about Akatsuki and other things in general, but she was also genuinely curious about him. He was cocky and a bit of a jerk, but he was also lively, intelligent, and entertaining, and Sakura found that she liked to listen to him, liked the sound of his voice with its distinct northern accent.

She laughed mirthfully as he related his comedic adventure with his former partner, Tobi, when they'd captured the three-tailed turtle demon. The alcohol was starting to go to her head, had been since the third beer and now she was starting her fifth. She wasn't about to stop though, not when she was on a roll gathering info from her talkative partner. Besides, she was having fun, and she hadn't had fun what seemed like forever.

Deidara noticed her descent into drunkenness. It wasn't exactly hard to tell with the way she was half-slumping against the bar. "You're kind of a lightweight, aren't you?"

Sakura frowned. "Not usually, but I haven't had much sleep the past couple days, and I haven't eaten anything today."

"Hn. You look like you haven't eaten in a month."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're scrawny as hell, yeah."

"Well it's not like I could sit down for three square meals a day, now is it?"

He shrugged. "You can now. So hurry up and get back in shape, 'cause I don't need some flimsy waif as my battle partner, yeah."

She shot him a glare. "Don't worry, I'm still strong enough to punch you into next week. Ass." Deidara just laughed, and Sakura decided to change the subject. "Speaking of partners, Leader said you used to be partnered with Hidan?"

His expression soured. "I was. Didn't last long."

"What happened?"

He gave her a look. "Have you _met_ him?"

"Only briefly in battle. Not the most charming guy."

"That's putting it lightly. After I came back I worked alone, since Tobi died in what was supposed to be my final jutsu." His expression sobered for a moment, but he quickly shrugged it off. "But about two years ago Zetsu brought Hidan back in pieces, and after the zombie freak put himself back together he was partnered with me. We'd only interacted through the jutsu before, and I never really liked the guy, but once we were partners it was just asking for trouble. Let's just say he and I have…_fundamental_ personality differences. Leader separated us after the third time we tried to kill each other."

"I'm kind of surprised you went back to Akatsuki at all, because you said just a while ago that you didn't want to join in the first place."

"I also said it's about the best you can get as a missing-nin. It beats living half-starved and spooked like a hunted animal. Also, it's kind of hard for someone like me to disappear, especially now that being in Akatsuki has made me famous, yeah."

Sakura could understand wanting to avoid the uncertain life of a solo missing-nin, after all she too had wanted Akatsuki to find her and give her that unconventional form of security. "You know, until today I wasn't sure if you were even still alive, especially since you never kept your promise," she said slyly.

His pale eyes sharpened intently, and he gave her a long, appraising look. "I didn't think you'd be waiting for me to."

"Who said I was waiting? I was just curious to see if you'd have the balls to come around Konoha to find me," she replied cheekily. Though truthfully a part of her really had wanted to see him again…the same part of her that couldn't forget the way he'd kissed her.

Deidara laughed, his mood lightening again. "No one's ever accused me of not having the balls for anything. In fact, they usually tell me the opposite, yeah."

"In other words you're too reckless?"

He shrugged. "So they say. The way I see it is; it's not worth doing if there's no risk involved. It's only when facing death that we recognize our own mortality and see the beauty in life. Only then that we can appreciate how fleeting it is. That's what makes great art, yeah."

"So that's why you intended to kill yourself in that huge explosion five years ago, just to make sure you took Sasuke with you," she said wryly.

Deidara smirked. "So you figured out who I was fighting that day, huh?" His expression darkened. "I still can't believe that arrogant little shit got away. If he hadn't had all those fucking tricks and power-ups from Orochimaru he would have died in the first five minutes, yeah."

Sakura didn't argue with him. He was likely right about that anyway. "We found him about a week later, nearly dead from fighting Itachi, and took him back to Konoha," she said, not really sure why she was bothering to tell him at all.

"I remember Itachi was brought back pretty messed up, too. That's why Akatsuki went quiet for a while—because we lost three members in less than six months, and then Itachi and I were out of commission for a while. Anyway, I bet the little Uchiha got a pardon too, didn't he?" he asked derisively.

She nodded, her expression carefully neutral. "Eventually, after a lot of debate and probation."

Deidara scoffed. "Figures. The guy had crazy luck, getting away with all the shit he pulled and surviving against opponents that were clearly better than him. And in the end he went and threw it all away. You may get pissed at me for saying this, but he was an unbelievable idiot, yeah."

Sakura frowned at him. "You don't have to be such a dick about it, but…you're right. He was an idiot who threw everything away. More than you know."

Deidara watched her keenly as she trailed off and went quiet, then chugged half of her beer in one pull. She probably wouldn't have made that allusion if she wasn't half drunk, but he read between the lines easily enough. "If you had known that day who I fought, would you have killed me off instead of helping me?"

She held his gaze evenly. "Back then…in a heartbeat."

He didn't ask what she meant by 'back then,' as if her answer might be different now. Instead he asked what he'd wanted to know for five years, "So…why _did_ you save my life that day, Sakura?"

She picked at the label on her almost-empty bottle and sighed. "You overheard what I said to Leader when he asked me."

"I heard the official explanation you gave him. But it's just you and me now, so tell me why you really did it," he urged.

Still not looking at him, she said, "At first it was because I didn't know who you were. But once I did, I kept going because…you looked so young, like me, and you didn't seem _that_ bad, and I guess…I kind of liked you," she finished, finally meeting his gaze.

Deidara gave her a small, genuine smile, one that made him look incredibly handsome and endearing, and Sakura couldn't help but smile back, her cheeks coloring with more than alcohol.

"I liked you too," he said, his smile shifting back into the customary smirk. "And since I didn't have a chance back then, consider this my official thank you, yeah."

"I thought you wanted to die…"

"I didn't _want_ to die. Dying was just a side-effect of creating my masterpiece, and the trade would have been worth it, yeah. But since it didn't kill me, I sure as hell didn't want some inglorious death of fading away in the dirt."

"Fair enough." She gave him an appraising look. "So um, back then…why did you kiss me?"

He stared at her in slight surprise, and then laughed lightly. "I don't know…I'd just come back from the dead, saved from oblivion by a pretty girl…it seemed like a good thing to do at the time. I didn't think it would be a big deal."

Sakura gave a dry laugh. "Girls tend to consider it a big deal when a guy steals their first kiss."

Deidara choked and nearly spit his beer over the bar top. "Your first—fuck are you _serious_? How _old_ were you?"

"Fifteen…"

His eyes widened further. "_Fifteen?_ How the hell does a girl who looks like you reach fifteen without ever being kissed?

Sakura crossed her arms resentfully, though inwardly she was pleased to note that he'd called her pretty. Twice. "Well, I was kind of…holding out for someone. And yeah, I know how stupid that is now," she said sullenly.

Deidara had a guess as to who she'd been holding out for, if her earlier insinuation was any clue. If that was the case, he was glad he'd stolen her first kiss from a bastard that didn't deserve it. Not that he did either, but still. "Well, sorry to ruin your little fairytale, but it's not like you hated it. If I remember right you weren't exactly resisting, so it must not have been too bad of a first kiss, yeah?" He grinned wickedly.

Her cheeks colored again as she remembered the flushed and breathless state he'd left her in afterward. "I didn't hate it," she echoed, giving him a small smile.

It occurred to her then that they were borderline flirting, and while Sakura admittedly enjoyed the little pull of chemistry between them, it wasn't good to encourage it. They were partners now and they had to work together, and on top of that she was a spy. She had to avoid complications like this. She casually changed the subject to a neutral topic. "So what else is there to do in this village?"

They continued talking a while longer, and Sakura managed to imbibe two more beers before she was good and drunk. Deidara, who was only slightly buzzed, decided to call it a night before the petite kunoichi became even drunker. He liked her enough to pay for her drinks, but not enough to haul her around when she got too wasted to walk. It wasn't like he was a gentleman or anything.

They walked back to headquarters around midnight, slower than before, but at least Sakura's shinobi balance and grace kept her from slipping on the frozen sidewalk. Inside the building was dark and quiet, the three other members in residence apparently having retired to their rooms for the night, and she was careful not to bump into any of the unfamiliar furniture on the way to their quarters. Deidara waved a casual goodnight at his door, and Sakura did the same as she continued to her room.

Exhausted from the day's events, head spinning from intoxication, woozy from drinking on an empty stomach and maybe from whatever that ring jutsu had done to her as well, Sakura fell on her sinfully comfortable bed and passed out fully clothed.

* * *

Up on the roof, the Akatsuki leader stood looking over the concrete ledge, past his favorite thinking spot and out into the night of his city.

"Deidara and Sakura have returned," he observed dispassionately, not bothering to look in the direction of the figure standing in the shadows under the awning of the doorway.

"I know," the shadowy presence answered, his deep voice carrying across the distance between them with ease. "You brought the Leaf medic in tonight?"

"Yes." Their meeting was finished, and he didn't know why the other was still there. Almost as if he'd been waiting for this exact subject to come up.

"Tell me what your impression of her was."

Pein turned and walked toward the shadowed alcove. "Obviously it was positive, or I wouldn't have let her into Akatsuki, Madara."

There was a barely perceptible nod beneath the wide cowl. "True. But I want to know what you thought after speaking to her, Pein," he said mildly, though his tone implied compliance was expected.

It was never clear what Uchiha Madara was thinking. Even when he voiced his opinion his true thoughts were still obscured. Pein disliked the man. More still, he disliked having to answer to him. But Madara had been the one to give him and Konan direction, to form Akatsuki and focus their dream for the future. They needed Madara to achieve their goal, and so he would do what was needed.

"She is highly intelligent and perceptive, and not easily intimidated. She handles herself calmly in difficult and dangerous situations, and I believe she would make quite a good strategist. She is a powerful combatant, and has many abilities and traits that will be beneficial to us, not the least of which is her exceptional skill with medical jutsu."

Madara nodded again, more clearly this time, a sliver of moonlight briefly revealing his swirling orange mask. "Indeed, indeed. She could be quite useful. But she also has many traits that contradict being in Akatsuki. Her former teammate whom she grew up with is the kyuubi jinchuuriki, for one. She is also emotional and compassionate, it's been witnessed enough to be proved as fact. It leads one to wonder how she ended up a missing-nin at all."

"That compassion is what got her into trouble. She is the one who saved Deidara five years ago, as you already know. It's possible she has lost some of that soft-heartedness, since her village turned on her for it. Are you suspicious of her?"

"Not yet. But I want you to keep an eye on her, for now. Deidara as well. I spent many months masquerading as his partner and he is not the most supportive of Akatsuki's goal, nor is he the most loyal."

"I know this," Pein replied. "Hidan is the same way. It doesn't matter as long as their actions don't go against the organization. All that matters is that they assist us in achieving our goal."

Madara canted his head, as though casting a withering look at the younger man. "You are too lenient, Pein. These facts bear noting. You've partnered the two of them together when they have a prior history we do not know the full details of. I believe either of them could be easily swayed from our cause, so I want you to watch them both, observe how their partnership develops. Give them the more insignificant assignments for the time being."

Pein frowned slightly. He didn't like his judgment questioned. "Fine," he said curtly.

Madara stepped silently out into the open, his dark cloak swirling about him as he moved. "That's all for now. Have Konan find the eight-tails as soon as possible. We are running out of time."

Pein didn't reply, and a moment later Madara leapt from the rooftop and vanished.


	6. A Light in the Dark

**Vertigo**

Chapter Six: A Light in the Dark

* * *

Sakura had experienced hangovers before, but never when her body was already so strung out with fatigue, stress and hunger. Her head throbbed and she felt like puking, only there was nothing in her stomach to throw up. She lay very still for several minutes after waking, eyes closed and face scrunched in discomfort as she slowly channeled chakra through her system to ease away the aftereffects of her bad judgment. She shouldn't have drunk so much on an empty stomach. She shouldn't have drunk so much _at all_ in an unfamiliar place around people she didn't trust. Especially not without knowing exactly what had been done to her internally with that telepathy jutsu. If it had turned her nails black like that, what else might it have done to her body? As soon as the headache and nausea were gone, she set to finding out. But after carefully probing all of her internal organs she found nothing unusual and sat up in bed. The nastier effects were gone, but she was groggy, dehydrated, and absolutely _starving_. After several more minutes of zoning out, she dragged herself into the bathroom to get cleaned up.

An hour later she headed for the kitchen, intent on eliminating the annoying pang in her stomach. She turned through the doorway and abruptly came face to…chest, with a very large person. She took a guarded step backward, and the Very Large Person did the same. Her eyes flew upward and widened as they recognized the blue-grey skin and sharp aquiline features of Hoshigake Kisame.

The petite kunoichi and the giant shark stared at each other.

Then he laughed. "Ho ho! _You're_ the new member? Now that's unexpected."

Sakura observed his strange silver eyes and abnormal coloring. Were those _gills_ on his cheekbones? Then she remembered herself. "How do you know me?"

He shrugged and backed away from the doorway. "I've heard about you, seen you from a distance a couple times. What's your name again?"

She relaxed a little, though not completely. His enormous presence was rather intimidating, and then there was the _other_, which she was avoiding thinking about at the moment. "Haruno Sakura."

Kisame grinned at her name, revealing a row of sharpened teeth. "Cute. You're parents must've felt quite clever, calling you that."

She frowned. "Probably not as clever as yours, Ki_same_."

He chuckled. "I never knew my parents, so I wouldn't know. Anyway, it's nice to finally meet you. I'm Hoshigake Kisame, though it seems you already know that."

Sakura was slightly taken aback. The way he spoke was polite and mostly proper. It seemed very out of place with his savage appearance. "Uh, you too," she muttered.

"I assume you already know my partner." He stepped to one side and put Sakura in direct line of sight with the _other_ person in the room.

Sakura had been grateful for Kisame's large frame blocking her view of the person she knew was there, but now she was forced to confront what she had been hoping to avoid as long as possible.

There was Uchiha Itachi, sitting atop the kitchen counter, staring at her as he chewed a slice from the peeled orange in his hand. His face was impassive, but even from this distance she could see his crimson eyes glinting with hidden thoughts. They regarded one another intently, former allies turned mortal enemies turned allies once again…sort of. The moment was definitely surreal.

Itachi was the one to break the silence. "We've met before," he said to his partner, his smooth voice carrying through the room even though he'd spoken softly. He nodded once in acknowledgement. "Sakura."

There wasn't a trace of hostility coming from him, and his demeanor at the moment was laid-back, but Sakura still felt loathing for him. He killed Sasuke, and the history leading up to that event also gave her reason to despise him. Keeping her expression calm, she evenly, if not a little stiffly, replied, "Itachi."

Itachi went back to eating his orange as if he'd completely lost interest in what was happening. Sakura watched him a moment longer. The cold-blooded killer with the strikingly beautiful face. He looked so much like his brother and yet _not_, but even so it was hard to look at him, so she turned her attention back to Kisame.

"So why is it unexpected?" she asked, returning to the original topic.

Apparently Kisame had forgotten it. "Huh?"

"You said it was unexpected that I'm the new member. Why is that?"

The shark laughed. "Because you're one of those goody-goody Leaf ninja always running around playing Save The Day and shit."

Sakura glared. "Well apparently I'm not as goody-goody as you thought."

He grinned wickedly at her. "Guess not. So who did you get partnered with?"

"Deidara."

He laughed again. "Well then your life will never get boring, that's for sure."

"What's that supposed to mean, hm?"

They turned as Deidara entered the kitchen, casting a suspicious glare at Kisame.

"It means there's never a dull moment with you, in both the good and bad way."

"Tch. At least she won't have a walking stiff with a stick up his ass for a partner like you do."

Taken aback that Deidara would say something like that right in front of him, Sakura glanced quickly at Itachi expecting some sort of tense confrontation to start. But the Uchiha looked as if he wasn't even paying attention. In fact everyone looked rather nonchalant, as if it happened all the time and Itachi was simply too apathetic to react. But it gave her one piece of information to file away—Deidara disliked Itachi, quite a lot if he flung insults at him so readily. She made a mental note to find out why, and if it ran both ways.

Standing there, she absorbed the fact that she was basically chitchatting with three of the world's most dangerous men and they had no intention of killing her. And vice-versa. She was considered one of them now. It was surreal, and a bit overwhelming how drastically her life had changed in such a short time. It was also strange that they were standing around like this in the first place, because these were supposedly the evil villains who wanted to take over the world. It wasn't like she'd expected them to lurk in the shadows and do terrible things like torture kittens all day, but it threw her off that they seemed so _normal_. It bothered her. She didn't want them to be normal.

She didn't want them to be like her.

Thinking too hard on an empty stomach gave her a headache, so she focused on getting some food into her belly before it started making embarrassing noises in front of everyone. She left Deidara and Kisame to their conversation and went into the kitchen, going around the long way to give Itachi a wide berth. It turned out Akatsuki kept a wide variety of food stocked in the fridge and pantry. Whoever they employed to do the shopping did a damn fine job. Sakura refused to let the presence of the others intimidate her, and set about preparing herself a large breakfast. She rummaged for the right cooking utensils, and no one offered any help finding what she needed. Apparently if she couldn't find it herself she didn't deserve to eat.

A few minutes later Itachi left without a word, exiting through the door Konan said went up to the roof. The air seemed to lighten with him gone, at least for Sakura. Kisame was still a little intimidating, but after listening to him talk for the last several minutes, she thought he was actually pretty amusing. Deidara she was already mostly comfortable with, which she supposed wasn't a _bad_ thing. They were partners after all, and they would work better together if they got along.

Just as she was finishing the prep work for her meal, Kisame left toward the roof as well. It was all a bit anticlimactic, really. Definitely not how she imagined meeting all the members of Akatsuki would go. She didn't know what she would have pictured, exactly, but it wasn't this.

"Whatcha making?" Deidara asked as he came up beside her.

"Omelet," she said without looking up. From the corner of her eye she saw him grin.

"I haven't had one of those in years. I'm more of a toast kind of guy."

"Can't cook?" she guessed, glancing at him.

"Not really. Though most times I forget to eat breakfast at all, yeah."

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you know."

He gave her a look. "Thank you, Doctor Haruno."

Sakura didn't miss a beat. "You're welcome. Though, I usually charge for such excellent advice."

"Well don't I feel special." Glancing down at her nicely diced ingredients he said, "Wanna make me one?"

Sakura looked up at him reprovingly. "Would you ask me that if I was a man?"

His grin fell slightly. "Probably not. But I'm not sexist if that's what you're implying."

She stared at him a moment, then gave a small sigh. "Fine. But you're chopping your own ingredients while I cook mine."

Deidara grinned victoriously, his eyes glinting with some mischievous thought that almost made her reconsider. She handed him the knife as she poured her egg mixture into the skillet.

There was comfortable silence between them as Sakura cooked and Deidara chopped. He may not be able to cook, but he knew how to handle a knife, and soon he had a neat little pile of ingredients next to hers. When finished he alternated between watching her cook, and watching _her_. Sakura glanced at him a couple times, curious and just slightly disconcerted, but he never said anything and soon enough their food was done.

"I should warn you, I'm not the best cook in the world either," she said as they sat down at one of the small tables. "I purposely didn't learn to cook so I wouldn't be stuck making every meal on missions with my male teammates. I only taught myself some basic stuff a couple years ago." Her expression soured briefly, because the truth was she'd learned to cook after moving in with Sasuke. Not that he'd ever been around much to eat with her.

"You're full of it," Deidara said through a mouthful, cutting through her dour thoughts and evaporating them like mist. "This is pretty damn good, yeah."

She smiled at the compliment. "Thanks," she said quietly, then stuffed her face.

Only a few words were exchanged as they ate, because Sakura was too busy wolfing down her first decent meal in two days to hold a conversation. After they finished Deidara helped her clean up, which surprised her for some reason, and then he wandered off after mentioning something about an 'art' project he was working on.

Alone again, Sakura decided to browse the contents of the impressive library, and was a good way into a book on poisons and herbs when Konan found her and gave her a large sum of money, enough for two A-ranked missions at least, as her first monthly salary in advance so she could get a new wardrobe and any other personal effects she wished to have in her quarters. She also gave Sakura an address to the tailor that made their cloaks and told her to get measured.

Sakura was inwardly glad Konan hadn't offered to come with her, because the two women of Akatsuki shopping together like girlfriends was just too weird for her to handle on her first day in the organization. Besides, alone she would be able to look around and gather details and information about the village.

That thought in mind, excited about replacing her worn and tattered clothes and about the sheer _amount_ she had been given, Sakura left the building and entered the streets of Amegakure to shop.

* * *

She returned from her excursion in mid-afternoon, large bags hanging from each arm. It was strange that she was just waltzing into Akatsuki headquarters like she lived there – because she did. She supposed it would take a few weeks to get used to her new situation.

Once inside she headed straight for her room to put away her purchases. She'd gotten a full range of wardrobe for all weather types, a new pair of boots and a new pack as her old ones were wearing out from excessive travel, several personal products that she'd had to suffer without while on the run, and a few books and medical journals to put alongside what she brought with her on the empty shelf in her room.

While out, she'd thought of sending a detailed message to Konoha, but decided against it because Rain was Pein's city, full of loyal followers who practically worshipped him, and she didn't yet know how closely he monitored his subordinates' actions. It was too uncertain right now. The promised message would have to wait until she was out of the village on her first mission.

Purchases put away, she headed back to the library to pick up where she left off, but as she walked down the hallway she heard voices and realized the common room, which had been empty on her way in, was now occupied. She rounded the corner just in time to hear a male voice utter a string of obscenities in a manner that gave her an unpleasant sense of déjà vu. When she entered the room her suspicion was confirmed. Kisame was playing a game of pool against none other than Hidan.

She leaned against the doorframe and took a moment to observe the final member of their group before they noticed her. Hidan was a large man, tall and broad-shouldered, though he was still dwarfed by his playing partner. He wore no shirt under his half-open cloak, and a heavy metal pendant swayed from his neck as he leaned over the table to make his shot. His slicked-back hair was a strange shade of platinum; when the light hit it one way it appeared silver, but from another angle it looked white-blond. He was fairly handsome, she supposed, though her dislike of him neutralized any real opinion on his attractiveness.

Kisame made his shot and pocketed three balls, sending the foul-mouthed cultist into another tirade.

"Fucking shit! You gotta be fucking cheating somehow. There's no way you can keep making those crack shots like that, seriously," he accused, pointing the end of his cue at the larger man.

"You can't cheat at pool. You just suck, man," Kisame snickered.

"Fuck you, fish-face."

"Just be glad you didn't bet him anything," Deidara said, entering from the kitchen. He smirked at Sakura in the opposite doorway, who no one else seemed to have noticed yet.

Hidan scoffed as he set up his next shot. "Gambling is against my religion. Only you heathens think the world revolves around money."

"The world doesn't revolve around money, it revolves around _art_, yeah," Deidara replied.

Kisame rolled his eyes at both of them. "You weirdoes and your ideals. I swear this organization is full of nutjobs." He looked over at Sakura. "You're not some crazy fanatic too, are you?"

Apparently she hadn't gone as unnoticed as she'd thought. Sakura finally entered the room. "Not yet. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time and opportunity now, though."

Hidan started at her voice and stood up fully. "Who the fuck are you?" Before she could answer a look of recognition passed over his features. "Shit, I remember you now…you're one of those Leaf heathens."

Sakura glared into his hooded, red-violet eyes, fighting down her rising anger. It wouldn't look good to be defensive of the village she supposedly abandoned. "I'm not with Leaf anymore," she said tersely.

Hidan appraised her appearance and then gave a caustic laugh. "No shit. Well if you ask me, the last thing we need is more bitches in the group, seriously."

Sakura twitched. "_What_ did you just say?"

"_Bitches_. You know, overly emotional, weak-minded—"

He didn't finish, because he was suddenly flying backward across the room and smashing into the bookshelf.

Sakura cracked her knuckles in satisfaction.

"Oww…_fuck_ that was great!" Hidan slurred as he picked himself up off the floor and realigned his jaw. He flashed Sakura a vicious, bloody grin. "You're the kind of bitch I like. I bet you and I could have a lot of fun together."

"Try it and I'll rip your dick off," she said venomously.

"Mmm, kinky."

Sakura took a menacing step forward.

"You know, Hidan, if Leader hears you talking like that you're screwed," Kisame warned, though the way he said it indicated he didn't particularly care either way.

"By all means, keep going, yeah," Deidara urged darkly.

Hidan merely laughed and wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth, then licked it off his finger. "See what I mean about – ahem – _females_, being all emotional and shit? Don't get so fucking agitated, woman, seriously. I was just testing you…seeing what you're made of. Akatsuki doesn't need any weak-ass damsels, male or female."

"Since when do _you_ care about what Akatsuki needs? Deidara scoffed.

"I don't give a rat's ass about this little club, but I don't want to have to put up with inferior people while I'm here, either."

Sakura gave him a withering look. "I _told_ Shikamaru we should have fed your parts to the pigs."

"No sense poisoning innocent pigs, yeah."

Hidan scowled at both of them. "Fuck you guys. And don't talk about that little fucker around me. If I ever see him again I'm using him in the most painful and drawn-out sacrificial ritual there is, seriously."

Sakura thought that outcome highly unlikely, but she decided against dragging the argument out. Hidan had just bumped himself several spots higher on her List of Things I Hate, and the less she had to interact with the freaky zealot the better.

"Are you gonna make your shot or what?" Kisame said impatiently.

"Yeah, yeah. Stop distracting me, goddamn it," Hidan grumbled. He walked back to the table and made his shot, and surprisingly pocketed several balls and turned the game in his favor. "Hah! You see that shit?" he hollered triumphantly, "That's the blessing of Jashin, fuckers."

Sakura's attention was drawn away when Pein entered through the kitchen. His ringed eyes observed the people in the room and then stopped on the half-smashed shelf and pile of books on the floor. "What happened to the bookshelf?"

"I met Hidan," Sakura explained simply.

"And put him in his place, yeah," Deidara added under his breath.

Of course Pein heard him, and looked between the cultist and the kunoichi. "Why."

Hidan shrugged. "Fuck if I know. I was just being myself."

"…I see. Hidan, stop provoking everyone. You are comrades, and I expect you to be professional. You will replace the bookshelf, and anything else that was damaged."

"Tch. Fine, whatever. You all take shit way too seriously, damn." He tossed his pool cue onto the table. "Fuck this, I'm going to pray." He turned and stalked from the room.

Kisame wasn't fazed by the loss of his playing partner. He glanced at Deidara. "Game?"

"Sure. But I won't be as easy to beat as that asshole."

The shark grinned and tossed him the abandoned cue. "Wanna bet?"

Deidara caught it and smirked. "You're on, yeah."

Sakura was actually interested to watch this time, but it seemed she wouldn't have the chance.

"Sakura, a word."

She hoped she wasn't about to be berated for breaking Hidan's face and causing trouble on her first official day as an Akatsuki. She crossed the room and stopped before Pein, meeting his strange eyes evenly.

"I assume Konan showed you the infirmary last night?"

Hiding her relief, she nodded. "It's very impressive. I didn't get a chance to fully check it out, but I was planning to do it sometime today."

"That room is essentially yours, since you are now our resident medic. If it's lacking anything you have a separate budget to obtain what you need. If you have trouble finding resources or suppliers let Konan know and she will assist you."

"I wouldn't think the other members would need medical attention all that often," she said.

"You're right. But it does happen on occasion. Either way, I'm sure the others will appreciate not having to stitch their own wounds anymore."

Sakura smiled faintly, remembering Konan's words from the night before. Most shinobi were tough and hardened to pain and abuse, and could take a kunai to the gut with only a slight grimace, but she knew from experience that they could be the biggest babies about silly things like shots or stitches.

"As Akatuski's medic, I have a task for you, Sakura," he continued, drawing her gaze again. "Are you aware of Itachi's condition?"

Sakura's eyes widened ever so slightly. A memory came to her from nearly six years ago, of a brief exchange of words in the middle of a fight between Itachi and Kakashi. "Vaguely," she answered. "His vision is deteriorating…some sort of side-effect of the Sharingan?"

Pein nodded. "He will be able to give you more details, but his condition has worsened over the years and is now problematic to both himself and the organization. I want you to take a look at his eyes and see what can be done about it."

Sakura didn't reply immediately. The last thing she wanted to do was help a blinding Itachi see again, but she couldn't exactly refuse. "Alright."

"He's waiting in the infirmary. Let me know the results of your diagnosis when you are finished."

"Understood," she replied flatly, then turned in the direction of 'her' medical center.

#

Her steps were unconsciously slow as she walked. She was not looking forward to being alone with the Uchiha clan killer, and she definitely wasn't keen on giving him medical assistance. But orders were orders, and she figured this was probably the most minor of morally conflicted things she would be ordered to do in Akatsuki.

Logically Sakura knew she shouldn't despise Itachi like she did. Sasuke was a fool who willingly tunneled his vision until all he could see was hatred and revenge, who deliberately cast off any chance of happiness in life and slowly brought himself to ruin. Itachi didn't hold a kunai to his brother's throat and force him to do the things he did, to hurt the people who cared about him like he had. Yes, Itachi planted the seed, manipulated and twisted his thinking, but in the end there is always choice, and Sasuke _chose_ to follow that path.

Still, Itachi was a cold and ruthless killer who could repeatedly torment his own little brother without remorse. Even if she hadn't known the traumatized brother personally, she would still loathe any man capable of such a thing.

She paused outside the infirmary, steeled herself for what was about to happen, and then opened the door.

Itachi stood in the center of the room, his back to her and his hands folded into his over-long sleeves. He didn't turn until she closed the door quietly behind her, and when their eyes met she was surprised to see his Sharingan was off. He looked even more like his brother without the bloodline limit active, but thinking about it only made it more difficult for Sakura to do what she had to, so she pushed it aside.

They regarded each other in strained silence. Itachi's expression was mostly impassive, but Sakura was somehow able to gauge that the Uchiha was just as unhappy about this situation as she was. She needed to get a few things out in the open before she could proceed, so she took initiative to speak first.

"I'm surprised we find ourselves in this situation," she said coolly.

"This was no more my idea than it was yours," he replied, his smooth monotone drifting across the sterile, slightly echoing space.

"I'm sure. Still, it surprises me that you agreed to it. Your eyes are your most valuable asset, yet you'll trust me of all people to work on them? You must know you're not my favorite person, Itachi."

His expression darkened slightly. "I trust no one. But I do trust that you are intelligent enough to understand what will happen if you were to blind or kill me, Sakura."

She smiled grimly. "You're right. I would never endanger myself for you, so I suppose you're safe with me as your medic. For now. Let's get started then, shall we?" she said with false cheer.

Itachi stared at her a moment longer, dark eyes narrowed ever so slightly. Then he removed his cloak and draped it over one arm, waiting for her move.

Sakura removed her cloak as well, slipping into professional medic mode. "I'll need you to sit; this may take a while," she said, though she was more concerned about _her_ prolonged comfort than _his_. Itachi tossed his cloak into the chair by the door and lifted himself up onto the examination table. She looked around for a clipboard and something to write with, found it shortly, and then moved to stand before him. "Okay. Leader didn't tell me much, so first I need to know a few things."

"Ask what you wish," he said, sounding bored.

Apparently arrogance was a trait found in all Uchiha's. "What are the symptoms?"

"I am going blind," he said flatly.

She didn't bother to hide her eye roll. "Yes, I know that much. Would you say it's a blurring or a darkening?"

"Darkening."

She scribbled on her notepad. "Is there any pain?"

"Yes."

Silence stretched, and Sakura's annoyance rose again, but finally Itachi continued on his own.

"It can be quite acute at times. There is a constant migraine-like ache that I have grown accustomed to over time, but occasionally a spike will occur…and then the pain can be almost crippling," he explained.

She nodded, pleased that he seemed at least slightly willing to cooperate. No sense making it more difficult than it need be. She continued to ask him questions, and he answered them impassively. Finally she set down her clipboard and slowly placed her fingertips against his temples, began to examine the damage with her chakra, occasionally asking him to turn the Sharingan on and off. Much of what he told her echoed what Kakashi had described when she had worked on his. The Uchiha's deterioration and pain was much worse than her teammate's, due to constant overuse of high-level techniques. Itachi was very nearly blind. He was now using the Sharingan as one might use eyeglasses, to help him see what his normal eyes no longer could. Without it he would be unable to move around effectively on his own, and though she was only a foot away from him, without his bloodline limit she doubted he could even see the features of her face clearly. She thought it served him right. He was paying the price for his ambition.

The air between them was strained, and Itachi was visibly tense, but they managed to get through it without incident. That was, until Itachi began asking questions of his own.

"Tell me, Sakura, why do you despise me so?"

His tone was quiet and silky. Sakura might have found it appealing if he were anyone else. "I thought you were a genius," she said dryly.

His lips twitched in the faintest of smirks. "I've done nothing to you personally. Are you a mere sheep who hates me on principle because of my infamy in Konoha? You aren't regarded very highly there either these days."

"Are you trying to piss me off?"

"What benefit would I find in doing that? I'm simply curious." He tilted his head a fraction. "Is it because of my foolish brother?" She didn't look at him, but her eyes narrowed. "I know that you were teammates once. Were you close to him?"

Her jaw clenched. "Yes."

Itachi was, in fact, a genius, so it wasn't hard for him to put the pieces together. "I see. So you blame me that he couldn't love you? Because his goal in life was to kill me and gain revenge for our disgustingly corrupt clan, rather than to live happily ever after with you? Is that why you hate me, Sakura?"

Her chakra stopped abruptly. "It's because you _killed him_, you arrogant, sadistic fuck." Her tone was quiet, but it conveyed more venom than if she had screamed.

His eyes glinted darkly, and it was a long moment before he spoke. "Ah. Did I?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"What makes you so sure that I was the one who killed him?"

Sakura stared at him, taken aback. He was lying to her, she was sure of it. This was a man who enjoyed screwing with people's minds. He was a master manipulator. "Sasuke was very strong. _You_ know that firsthand. Not just anybody could have defeated him. Also, revenge was too important to him to let anyone else kill him. If he had been losing a fight he would have found a way to escape."

"If escape was possible, that is."

Her eyes narrowed angrily, masking her confusion. "Don't fuck with me, Itachi, there's no point in it. You're going blind. Sasuke slashed his own eyes out before he died, as if he was trying to prevent someone from taking them. You tried to take Sasuke's eyes because your own are failing, and he blinded himself in a last ditch effort to stop you. Then you killed him out of spite, or maybe you intended to kill him all along once you got what you wanted. The facts all point to you."

Hardened onyx eyes revealed the smallest hint of anger, though his expression remained blank. Then he looked away as if bored by the entire conversation.

Sakura wasn't buying it. There was no reason for him to lie to her, like he'd said. "Are you really this much of a prick, or are you trying to tell me something?"

The look he gave her was blatantly condescending. "Clearly you have everything figured out already. What more is there for me to say?"

She had made him angry. It surprised her, because it proved he wasn't as blank or hard to read as he first appeared. But it was obvious she wasn't going to get anything else out of him about the matter.

"Are you finished with your assessment?" he asked curtly.

"Yes." She'd cut it short, but there wasn't much more to determine anyway.

"And what is your diagnosis?"

She met his dark gaze calmly. "You're almost completely blind. It's obvious you've been using the Sharingan to compensate, but that in itself has caused the deterioration to accelerate. The bottom line is: the more you use the Sharingan – the Mangekyou form in particular – the faster your sight will fail. There is nothing anyone can do to reverse the existing damage. I can relieve some of the pain and possibly slow the decline, but you will eventually lose your vision completely. How quickly that happens is up to you."

Itachi was quiet a long time, absorbing her dire words. It had to be a hard thing for anyone to hear, especially someone whose eyes were as vital as his. But he had been suffering with the slow ruin of his vision for years, and was most likely prepared for this outcome.

"…I understand," he said finally. He met her gaze once more. "It was not my intention to anger you, Sakura, but there is much that you don't understand. Perhaps we will be able to discuss it again in the future. But for now, in spite of your opinion of me, I would appreciate your assistance in maintaining what remains of my eyesight for as long as possible. There is still something I must do before the end."

Sakura eyed him with mild suspicion. He was probably just saying those things to get her to agree…but she had a feeling he was too proud to ask for help unless something very important was at stake. She couldn't begin to guess what that might be, but he referred to the end of his vision as if it were the end of his life. To him it might be.

She didn't pity him, even _her_ compassion had its limits, but the quiet conviction in his dark eyes compelled her. She sighed resignedly. "I'll help you, Itachi, on the condition that you _will_ elaborate more on your earlier implication at some point. But I'm too worn out to do any more right now."

He nodded faintly. "Then I assume we are finished for today?"

"Yeah, we're finished."

Without another word Itachi stood from the table, his greater height looming over her briefly, and then he retrieved his cloak from the chair and silently left the room.

Sakura sighed tiredly and ran her fingers though her hair. She was confused and irritated by the encounter with the enigmatic Uchiha, and wondered what she had just gotten herself into by agreeing to help him. She would probably have been ordered to help him by Pein anyway, but agreeing to it with Itachi implied there was an understanding of sorts between them, and she wasn't sure if she was okay with that.

Speaking of Pein, she still had to give her report on Itachi's condition, and he probably wouldn't be pleased with what she had to say. She put her cloak back on and left the infirmary in search of the Akatsuki leader.

She found him on the roof, of all places. After asking Konan where might be, she had learned that he spent a lot of time up there, perched on the curved stone tongue of the giant statue carved into the building's edifice. Apparently it was a good place to plot world domination. Or _salvation_, as he would undoubtedly put it.

It was very windy on the rooftop, and she pulled her cloak tighter against the frigid air as she crossed to the edge where Pein's chakra emanated faintly from below. She experienced a moment of nerves as she leaned over the ledge and located the dark figure sitting on the snow-dusted tongue of the statue. She had never been in a building this tall before yesterday, and certainly not on the roof. It was like standing at the edge of a cliff, only windier and more perilous due to the ice. It was freezing up here, and she wondered how he could sit there and be snowed on like that. Knowing her voice wouldn't be heard over the icy wind, she let her chakra flare out toward him. He didn't look at up, but a moment later he stood and ascended in a series of short leaps to the rooftop. She had a feeling if she tried what he so effortlessly just did, she would slip and fall to a very ugly and unbefitting death.

Pein nodded in the direction of the covered area by the door, and they moved toward it to get out of the wind and snow. When they stopped he fixed his hawkish gaze on her.

"Your chakra is weak and unstable," he observed.

"The eyes are delicate and complicated; working on them consumes a lot of chakra."

He accepted her explanation without reaction. "Was Itachi cooperative?"

"As much as can be expected, I suppose. People with a doujutsu bloodline limit tend to be a bit touchy about people messing with their eyes."

Pein understood that, being the possessor of the most powerful eye technique in the world. "What were you able to learn about his condition?"

She crossed her arms to block some of the cold. "He told me it was a hereditary condition that happens to everyone who obtains the Mangekyou Sharingan. Apparently there have only been a handful in the history of the Uchiha clan who've had it, but they all lost their sight in time. Killing your closest friend to obtain it, only to eventually go blind doesn't really seem worth the power to me, but whatever. In addition to what he told me, I discovered that using the Sharingan accelerates the damage, the Mangekyou in particular. He's been using his Sharingan nearly every waking moment for over ten years, and he uses the Mangekyou excessively as well. That's why he's already near-blind at such a young age."

"Great ambition always has a price," Pein said evenly, echoing her earlier thoughts. "What is your prognosis?"

Sakura shook her head slowly. "I can't reverse the damage. No one can. I can slow the deterioration, but not stop it. I would probably be able to perform a transplant, but he will lose the Sharingan if I do. As it stands now, Itachi's vision grows weaker every day, and I would say he only has a year, maybe less, before he's completely blind. He is still a formidable and dangerous shinobi, and in most cases he will be able to handle himself. But if he were to come across a particularly skilled opponent, another s-class for example, it's very likely that he will be killed."

"I see. How inconvenient," Pein mused quietly, mostly to himself. After a long moment of thought he met the kunoichi's gaze again. "Thank you, Sakura. That's all for now."

Sakura nodded and headed back inside, wondering what Pein was thinking and what he would decide to do about Itachi, and if her blunt diagnosis may have condemned the Uchiha. She sighed and brushed the thought aside. It wasn't her problem, and she shouldn't care either way. Right now, all she cared about was a nap.

* * *

Several hours later, Sakura sat on her bed staring in mild fascination at her discolored nails, knees drawn up to her chest so she could observe her bare toes with a splayed hand next to each foot. It wasn't the flesh underneath the nail that was black, as happens when one crushes their fingers. It was the nail itself, normally translucent white, which had turned black. Her nails were kept short, but even the tiny bit of growth she had was now blackened. She had always wondered why the members of Akatsuki had black nails. Ino thought they were painted, which Sakura thought was ridiculous, because she highly doubted the world's most ruthless criminals would sit around giving themselves mani-pedis in their free time. Now that she knew, she wondered uncertainly if it was reversible, or if she would be stuck with black nails like some freaky brand for the rest of her life. Even if it was sort of cool looking.

Her musings were interrupted by a knock at her door. A small probe of chakra revealed it was Deidara. She glanced around quickly to make sure nothing was out of place, then folded her legs beneath her and said, "Come in."

Deidara entered, but left the door open behind him. "Hey." He stopped next to where she sat on the oversized bed. "You busy?" he asked, though he could obviously see she wasn't.

"Not really. I was just trying to figure out what this is all about." She lifted her black-nailed hand.

Deidara glanced briefly at his own black nails. "Yeah, it takes some getting used to. Especially for a guy."

Sakura smiled. "It could be worse. I used to paint my nails green when I was younger."

He gave her a look of revulsion. "_Green?_ Ugh."

"I thought it was cute back then."

"If you say so." He picked up the kodachi lying at the foot of the bed. "I thought you were mainly a taijutsu fighter," he remarked, inspecting the sword with interest.

"I am. But like any good shinobi, I know how to use many types of weapons."

"Are you any good with it?"

She smiled a little. "I'm decent."

"We'll have to spar someday then, yeah." He ran his fingers down the sleek black scabbard and over the inlaid quartz detail. "Cherry blossoms, huh. I'm guessing this was custom made for you?"

Sakura nodded. "It was a gift."

Despite her effort to conceal it, Deidara detected the hint of wistfulness in her tone. "Hm. It's nice, yeah." He passed the sword back to her. "I was about to go up to the roof. Wanna come?"

Sakura stared incredulously. "The _roof_? Are you nuts?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with anything? C'mon, it's stopped snowing _for once_, and you can see the sky."

She eyed him skeptically. "I was on the roof earlier and it was _freezing_ up there! I'm sure it's even worse now that it's dark."

"That's what hot sake is for," he explained exasperatedly, like it was obvious.

Sakura couldn't help but smile. It did sound kid of fun. "Okay."

Deidara led the way, stopping in the kitchen to grab the sake and a heavy blanket he'd left waiting. When they reached the roof he walked out from under the overhang and leapt up onto it, and Sakura followed him up. It was a small space, less than ten feet in diameter, but more than large enough for them to sit comfortably. He kicked some of the powdery snow around to clear an area, and Sakura helped until there was a large square of revealed concrete, which he dropped the blanket over and then sat down.

"So what are we doing up here, stargazing?" She sat next to him and looked up at the remarkably clear sky. The stars weren't as bright here as they were in Konoha, but at least they were visible.

"That's usually why people would want to look at the sky at night," he replied dryly. She gave him a look, and he smirked and handed her a bottle. "It's not as bad as you thought up here, huh?"

He was right; the wind had died down to nothing, and way up here it was so silent it seemed they could be the only two people in the world. It struck her then, that for the second night in a row, Deidara had sought her out simply for the sake of her company, and she had agreed tonight simply for the sake of his. She recalled the way he smiled at her when she accepted his invitation.

She was already feeling a little warmer.

A little voice warned that this sort of thing could be a problem, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. She could enjoy herself and still do her job, right? She wrapped her hands around the warm ceramic of her bottle and smiled. "No, it's nice, actually. I wouldn't think you would like looking at the stars, though."

"Why?"

"Doesn't it contrast your idea of art, that beauty is fleeting? Stars are there for ages and ages."

"Even _I_ know not everything can be about art. Some things you like just _because_, yeah." He popped the cork on his bottle. "And anyway, you're sort of wrong."

She gazed at him curiously. "How so?"

He sat back on one hand, bracing himself as he looked up at the winter sky. "Sometimes you can see a star die out, if you're watching at the right time. It flares up real bright and then vanishes, like a tiny little explosion. I heard once that the stars are so far away that by the time we even see the light from them, they're already burnt out and gone, yeah."

Sakura looked up at the sky. "That's an interesting theory. But…if the stars have a _distance_, then that would mean there's something out there beyond the sky," she mused quietly. She looked at him again. "Do you believe that?"

He met her gaze with a faint smile. "Maybe. Who knows…the world we walk around in can't be the only thing that exists."

Sakura smiled, impressed by how deep he revealed himself to be. He definitely had a different way of thinking, but somehow she found it easy to be on the same wavelength.

Time passed pleasantly as Deidara pointed out a few constellations he knew from his native country, and Sakura pointed out a few she knew as well. After a while the sake took the edge off the cold air. In fact, Sakura was starting to feel warm and pleasant in more ways than one. Her eyes drifted down from the sky to his profile again, and she continued to watch him until he felt her gaze and looked over at her. "I always wondered…why do you wear your hair like that?"

He gave a short, bemused laugh. "What?"

"I know for a fact you don't have a missing eye or anything under there. It's not really a practical style for a shinobi…seems like it would get in the way a lot. So there has to be a reason why you would choose to wear it like that, right?"

He regarded her with amusement for a moment, and then reached inside his cloak. "It's partly to conceal this." He held out a metal gadget.

Sakura took the surprisingly lightweight device and inspected it. "What is it?"

"It's a distance scope for aerial combat and surveillance. It also has a camera and night-vision. Recon and espionage are other specialties of mine, yeah."

Apparently it was a specialty of hers too, though she obviously wasn't going to tell him that. "It goes over your eye?"

"Mmhm. Go ahead, look."

She held it up to her left eye and peered through the lens. Everything had a faint red tint, and she discovered that touching tiny little buttons on the side made the lens zoom in and out, and one button made everything switch over to an eerie glowing green. It was really cool. "You said partly, so what's the other reason?" she asked as she returned the scope.

He slipped it into his inner pocket, and cast her an unreadable look. "That's a secret, yeah."

"I'm good at keeping secrets."

"So am I. That's why no one knows but me," he said flatly.

Sakura pouted. "We're partners, though. If it's something you use to fight with I should know about it, right?"

He eyed her skeptically, debating. "If I tell you, and you tell anyone else, most especially Itachi, I'm going to have to kill you."

She could tell by his tone that it wasn't an empty threat. Still, success! "Believe me, I have no intention of telling Itachi _anything_ if I can help it. And I have no reason to tell anyone else either."

Finally, he motioned for her to come closer. She leaned in conspiratorially, and in a hushed tone he said, "My left eye is immune to genjutsu."

Sakura's eyes widened. "_Completely?_"

He nodded. "Completely. But a side-effect is that it's highly light-sensitive. So I keep it covered, yeah."

Sakura stared at him. "That's an amazing achievement, Deidara. I don't know if you even realize how much, from a medical perspective."

Deidara smiled smugly. "I hate genjutsu. I was tricked into joining Akatsuki because Itachi caught me with his Sharingan the second I met him. Since then I've made sure something like that will never happen again."

"I'm a genjutsu specialist too, you know," she said frankly.

He shrugged. "You're different. You don't rely on tricks and illusions to win your battles for you. You understand true art."

Sakura smiled, knowing he probably meant that as a very high compliment. "Thanks. There's something else I was wondering…"

"What's that?"

"What's with your name? It's not one I've ever heard before, not even _close_ to anything I've heard. It's really interesting."

"You sure want to know a lot about me, yeah," he remarked, blue eyes glinting mischievously.

"We're partners. We _should_ get to know each other," she said, not realizing she was blushing just a little.

"I was named after one of the myths of Earth country," he explained. "Legend says there was this giant, who walked around rearranging mountains and creating lakes with his footprints and stuff. People in the more rural areas of Earth country are very superstitious, and they actually believe the legend. There's one town on the northern coast where the locals actually create a giant sandal and carry it from the shrine and drop it into the ocean to bring in lots of fish," he ended amusedly.

"That's quite a namesake. You've got some big shoes to fill."

Deidara rolled his eyes. "_Ha ha_."

"I couldn't resist," she said with a laugh. "But at least yours is interesting. Mine's a total cliché."

"It's not so bad. It doesn't fit you, though. Sakura blossoms are very delicate and fragile, and that's not you at all. And your hair's not even the right shade of pink. It's more the color of coral than a sakura blossom, yeah."

"Semantics," she said with a dismissive wave.

Deidara grinned. "Attention to detail is essential to any artist. And to shinobi as well."

Sakura smiled, jade eyes glinting with mirth and tipsiness. "Why are you being so nice to me, Deidara?" she asked suddenly. "I know you weren't friendly with your previous partners…"

He shrugged. "You're a lot easier to get along with than they were. You're not uptight, or an idiot, and you don't look down on my art. We're similar ages, so maybe I just relate to you better. I don't know. I could be an asshole if you want," he said deviously.

She gave him a playful shove. "That's quite okay. I like you the way you are now," she replied, not realizing what she said until she'd said it.

Deidara watched her a long moment. Then he smiled that genuine smile, the one that turned her insides all wibbly. "_That's_ what I meant to say, yeah. I like you the way you are too."

Sakura dragged her eyes away before her thoughts got any weirder. She drank from her mostly cooled bottle, and they returned to watching the night sky. Deidara had an inexplicable sort of charm, she found herself able to relax around him, and though she barely knew him, she genuinely did like him.

Up here on the roof tonight as they watched the stars and shared interesting stories, for a little while he made her forget. Who they were, what sides they really stood on, where she was and what she intended to do… it all drifted away and they were just two people sharing a moment in time together.

Sakura had no idea what would come in the days and weeks ahead, but with Deidara as her partner, she thought the journey may not be so dark after all.

She wondered why that didn't bother her as much as it should.

* * *

A/N: The myth behind Deidara's name is real. It's not mentioned in the manga, but most likely the Japanese legend of Deidarabocchi was Kishimoto's inspiration for the name. Neat, huh?


	7. Strange Days and Sleepless Nights

**Vertigo**

Chapter Seven: Strange Days and Sleepless Nights

* * *

"Check."

The only reply to Itachi's evenly voiced statement was a frustrated huff from the man across from him.

Deidara stared at the pieces on the board, trying to figure out his next move. Chess definitely wasn't one his favorite pastimes; he wasn't a fan of careful strategy, and it wasn't helping that the Uchiha was sitting there staring blankly at him with those accursed red eyes of his.

"Where is your partner?"

Deidara glanced up irritably. "You sure are talkative today. Knowing you it's probably an attempt to distract me."

"I don't need to exploit an opportunity in order to win."

"We'll see about that." Finally decided, he made his move and sat back. "Anyway, you should know the answer, since she's with _your_ partner, yeah."

Itachi gave no reaction to that information, physically or verbally. Deidara didn't believe that Itachi truly wasn't interested in _why_, but rather wouldn't ask because he didn't want appear uninformed. Similarly, he could just tell Itachi that Sakura had been receiving sword training from Kisame for a few weeks now, but he wouldn't, because when it came to one-upping insufferably arrogant Uchihas, even the small things counted.

And so the game continued in civil, yet rather unsociable silence for the next several minutes, until Itachi put Deidara in check again, and the explosives expert's muttered curses caused the Uchiha to smirk just slightly.

"You are not suited for a game like chess," he observed coolly. Deidara glared at him, but said nothing, and Itachi continued his seemingly detached observation. "It's not that you lack intelligence or the ability to strategize, but you lack patience. You're reckless, and speed ahead without considering the consequences of your actions."

"Where's the fun in planning every little thing from beginning to end? It's stupid, because if something unexpected happens you have to be able to think on your feet, yeah. Only pompous bastards like you expect everything to go the way they want it to all the time." He mildly hoped for a reaction out of the apathetic man, but of course he got nothing. "Is there a point to your little _unwanted_ assessment, Uchiha?"

Itachi tilted his head just slightly, which for him was a sign of either curiosity or condescension. "I asked because it's unusual to find the two of you apart for any length of time."

"No shit. We're _partners_. You and Kisame are always together too."

"Yes, but it has become apparent to everyone that your partnership with Sakura is very different from your previous ones. The two of you have become rather…friendly, in the few months that she's been with us."

"So what? We get along. If you have something to say then say it."

"It would be unwise to grow too attached to her."

Deidara glared indignantly. "I'm_ not_. And what the hell is that supposed to mean, anyway?"

Itachi regarded him evenly. "She is quite charming and attractive, but any potential distractions will most likely be problematic for your partnership as well as the organization. If you cannot stay rational around her, you may eventually find yourself in over your head."

The expression on Deidara's face shifted from annoyed to dangerous. "Quit being so goddamned full of yourself, Itachi. What happens in our partnership is none of your business."

The Uchiha was unfazed by veiled warning. "It makes no difference to me what you do, I was only—"

"Then stay out of it," Deidara cut him off angrily.

Itachi stared at him for a long moment, but rather than anger, his expression showed the faintest hint of amusement at Deidara's defensiveness. He was fairly certain there was nothing going on between the two youngest members of Akatsuki, but he was also fairly certain – especially after this conversation – that it wouldn't stay that way for long.

Before any more could be said, the sounds of activity and laughter drifted from beyond the kitchen, and a moment later their respective partners entered the common room. Both the shark and the kunoichi were sweaty and flushed—at least Sakura was; it was hard to tell with the other's skin tone. Kisame held his cloak over his shoulder, and Sakura had hers draped over one arm, a water bottle in her other hand. They both stopped and stared curiously when they noticed the room's occupants.

"Well this is odd," Kisame remarked, grinning at the two men seated on either sofa, the chessboard on the coffee table between them. "It's rare to find you two in the same room together for more than five minutes, let alone interacting."

"I'm fucking bored, yeah," Deidara explained, glancing up. His focus sharpened when he saw that Sakura had removed not only her cloak but her regular shirt as well, and wore only a thin tank top that hugged the curves of her torso _quite_ well. Her hair was up in a ponytail, a few wayward strands brushing the smooth curve of her neck and shoulder. He cleared his throat irritably. "We haven't had a mission in almost three weeks. I'm sick of sitting around this place."

Sakura nodded in agreement. It wasn't like she enjoyed the work she did for Akatsuki, but she was tired of sitting around all day every day as well. There was only so much training one could do before they went insane, especially when it was with an enormous shark man who laughed about absolutely _everything_.

"Sucks to be you guys," Kisame snickered, "because we've got a mission."

Itachi finally looked up at that. "When?"

"Leader wants us to leave tomorrow night." The Uchiha gave a faint nod before returning his attention to the chessboard. Kisame grinned down at the kunoichi. "I don't know how long we'll be gone, but I expect you to be twice as good next time. I won't go easy on you anymore."

Sakura scoffed. "You call that easy? You nearly took my arm off."

"Yeah, but I don't knock you on your ass anymore. That's a big improvement."

She smirked. "I'll make it my goal to carve you a new set of gills next time, then."

The shark nin laughed mirthfully. "I look forward to you trying, little hellion," he said, then turned and headed toward the hallway leading to the private quarters.

Sakura turned in the same direction, anticipating a long hot shower and maybe a nap after that intense training lesson. She caught her partner's eye, and smiled as she passed by. He didn't return it, but she attributed that to Itachi's presence and figured she'd just talk to him later. She didn't catch the strange look in his eyes on her way out.

Alone again, the two men resumed their game in silence. But unfortunately for Deidara, Itachi was unusually conversational that day.

"You seem distracted all of a sudden."

Deidara shot him a resentful glare. "I really hate you, you know."

"I don't care about your hate," Itachi replied blandly.

Deidara rolled his eyes and moved another piece. "Yeah, yeah. I know."

"Checkmate."

"…Fuck."

* * *

After cleaning up, Sakura curled up in the armchair by the window with one of the many books she'd pilfered from the library. This particular book was about the history of the prominent ninja clans. It was very interesting, full of drama and betrayal, but today she just couldn't get into it. Her mind kept wandering elsewhere again. These strings of disturbing and sometimes depressive thoughts were becoming more frequent as time passed. At first she blamed it on the rain, because it was _always_ raining here. Or she blamed it on being homesick, but that was only partly true.

She couldn't quite pinpoint what made her so uneasy and made it hard to sleep at night. She was becoming conflicted about what she was doing here. This was what she'd been warned about. She hadn't lost sight of her mission, but it was becoming harder to do her job with a clear conscience. The world was not a black and white place; many things were more complicated than right and wrong, good and evil. Any shinobi who didn't understand that was a fool and a hypocrite. But though she knew in theory, she'd never experienced firsthand the inner turmoil of a situation like the one she found herself in. She hadn't realized just how many layers of gray existed.

The members of Akatsuki were not the monsters they were painted to be. Sakura could identify with them in more ways than she was comfortable thinking about. Yes they were killers, but so was she. They were all shinobi, and when compared with the rest of society, shinobi were at the bottom of the moral spectrum. To the world at large, they were the bad guys. But Sakura knew many shinobi who were capable of great kindness, love, and compassion. Now, after three months in Akatsuki, she was beginning to understand that even the baddest of the bad were capable – if less likely – of the same.

They all had stories—reasons and circumstances that led them to where they were now. Sakura didn't fully know what those circumstances were, but she knew they hadn't just woken up one day and decided to become notorious criminals and wrongdoers. Except maybe Hidan, who willingly dedicated his life to evil. But the rest of them…well, she wasn't quite ready to admit it, even to herself.

Zetsu was rarely ever seen; he came and went at strange times and no one knew what he did most of the time, so Sakura knew nothing more about him than she did on day one. That was okay with her, because whenever he looked at her she got the creepy feeling he wanted to take a bite out of her. Hidan, she truly despised. He was a sadist who loved to push her buttons in ways the rudest people she knew couldn't even come close to, all to provoke her into driving her fist through some part of him. One of these days, she might just snap and do it.

The others she'd gotten to know a little. Kisame was good-natured and entertaining. He knew the crudest, most inappropriately hilarious jokes she'd ever heard. He loved to tease everyone, and he seemed to find everything highly amusing, though he never took it to a rude or offensive level. Sakura still found it odd that he was so mild-tempered when he looked so savage, but the contrast of his appearance to his personality was rather charming in a way. He was the exact opposite of Hidan, who looked like a movie star and acted like the world's biggest asshole. Kisame had gone out of his way to help her improve her sword skills, and seemed to enjoy being an instructor and having someone seek input and advice from him. She enjoyed their intense but amusing training sessions for more than just her improved skill.

Pein intrigued her to no end. She wanted to know about him, about his past, about his strange powers. She'd read about the Rinnegan in a book of shinobi legends and it was said to be extinct, or purely myth, yet here he was. Sometimes she would catch just a hint of something, a glimpse of insight when he spoke or did certain things, but it was never enough to form a solid conclusion about him. The man was a walking contradiction. He was a logical madman. He was an egomaniac who thought himself a god, yet was very low-key as a leader of both Akatsuki and Hidden Rain. He was downright approachable, and she honestly enjoyed the conversations they shared over a game of shougi or chess. Only her shishou, Tsunade, was more informal as far as leaders went, but that was mostly because Sakura had never seen Pein drink or sleep on the job. Pein's infamy painted him as ruthless, but she had witnessed his extreme leniency and consideration for his subordinates. His methods were terrible, but his goal, at its core, was noble. Pein was difficult to understand, but what she did feel certain of was that if there was ever a perfect personification of the word 'antihero,' Pein was it.

With Konan she felt a strange sort of kinship, a mostly intrinsic, feminine thing. Konan was here because of Pein. She believed in him and his vision, and followed him unconditionally. It was as simple as that, and Sakura could identify with her in that way. Unlike Sakura, the object of Konan's devotion actually returned the feeling. Sakura knew he did, even though it was never displayed openly. There was a slight difference in the way Pein spoke to his partner, an attunement in their interaction that spoke of how much he respected and valued her. She was the only one he trusted implicitly, the only one whose council he would seek. Konan had told Sakura that she couldn't remember a time when they weren't together, even as children. Sakura could only imagine such lifelong devotion, and was a little envious. Aside from their shared – and in Sakura's case, misplaced – ability for unconditional love, she found that she genuinely liked the other kunoichi. Konan was at times a bit too somber for her, and so reserved that she would seem shy if not for the poise she carried herself with. But Sakura had seen glimpses of a hidden kindness, and when Konan was happy, the small curve of her lips somehow seemed more heartfelt than the largest of grins. She reminded Sakura of Hinata in a way, if Hinata's life had gone horribly wrong.

Her thoughts on Itachi were…complicated. She kept her word to assist him, and over several sessions had eliminated the constant migraines and slowed the deterioration of his eyesight. He elaborated on his insinuation that he wasn't the one who killed Sasuke. The one time she asked he'd cryptically said it wasn't prudent and that there would be a right time. He didn't appear to be leading her on, so she hadn't argued or mentioned it again. During their sessions they'd had many conversations, and she had to grudgingly admit they weren't unpleasant. He seemed to appreciate her honesty and that she could match wits with him, and though he was still infuriatingly arrogant at times, he wasn't a condescending prick to her anymore. And for her part…Sakura could no longer say that she outright despised him.

And then there was Deidara. Those thoughts were the most distressing of all. In the three months since infiltrating Akatsuki she'd come to know her partner quite well, and for the most part she figured he knew her pretty well by now too. They spent a lot of time together. In fact, they spent almost _all_ of their time together. Mandatory proximity was part of all the partnerships because they worked, traveled, trained and ate together. On missions they were always together unless sleeping. Only when they were here at headquarters did they spend more than several hours apart. But Sakura knew her relationship with Deidara was different than the other partnerships, because they would often find each other during their free time to simply hang out. They were a lot alike in certain ways—stubborn and short tempered, talkative and social, and they suffered no fools. Sakura had her mood swings and bouts of temper, and Deidara was smug, selfish, and deliberately obnoxious at times, but for the most part they got along quite well. They threw snarky jibes back and forth and bickered occasionally, but they hadn't yet dug their heels in for a really serious argument. Deidara was arrogant, but it wasn't in the same way Itachi or Sasuke was. He believed his _art_ to be superior to everything, not necessarily himself. He didn't look down on others simply because they weren't _him_. That nuance made his huge ego tolerable to Sakura.

What troubled her was the fact that she liked him so much, enough to call him a friend. And then there was the fact that she still found him very attractive, even more now than before. She did her best not to think about it, and so far she thought she'd done an excellent job. She couldn't let her relationship with Deidara or any other member of Akatsuki distract her from what she was here to do.

So far it hadn't…to an extent.

In three months she'd only sent two reports to Konoha, because it was only safe to send them when one: she was out of Rain on a mission, and two: Deidara wasn't around. That left a very small window of opportunity for her to work in. Honestly she didn't know much anyway, because her missions so far hadn't included any sensitive information. She obviously wasn't completely trusted yet. However, of all the things she'd learned, of all the insight and conclusions she had made, only some of it ended up in her reports. Strict facts about the organization were all forwarded—locations of various safehouses, progress on the development of the army of rogue shinobi Pein was building, things of that nature she always included in full detail. But her personal thoughts and opinions were never written down. Nor had she mentioned the intimate nature of the relationship between Pein and Konan. Konan would be used against him if Konoha knew. Sakura couldn't stand the thought of that happening, no matter _who_ it was. She'd mentioned Itachi's increasing blindness, but nothing of the things they had talked about during the treatment sessions, including his disturbing hint about Sasuke. Not until she knew more. She didn't report the full extent of her relationship with Deidara, or all the little things she knew about him, including the secret of his left eye. The things she _didn't_ say were quickly beginning to outnumber the things she _did_.

Why was she using discretion? Why did she withhold information? None of the omissions could be considered crucial, but the fact that she was censoring anything at all was concerning. She shouldn't care. It should make no difference to her how the knowledge was used. Sakura was a shinobi, and shinobi did dirty and underhanded things all the time, especially in espionage and warfare. She'd been warned about the potential emotional and psychological hazards of an assignment like this. It had only been three months, and she was already becoming lost within the gray. Maybe she wasn't as cut out for this mission as everyone believed.

Sakura was startled out of her thoughts when there was a loud banging at her door. The only people to ever knock on her door were Deidara and Kisame, and this definitely wasn't one of their knocks. After a small probe of chakra, her expression immediately fell in a scowl. She was already in a foul mood, and this was the absolute _last_ thing she wanted to deal with right now. She crossed the room in an irritated huff and flung open the door to reveal and equally unpleasant Hidan. He'd been gone for the last two weeks. It was bad enough he was back, but why the hell was he bothering her? "What?" she snapped.

"It's fucking wonderful to see you too."

She was in no mood. "_What do you want_, Hidan?"

He crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. "I need your…_assistance_…with something. Medically."

"I'm busy."

"Yeah, you look it. Just fucking come with me, damn it. It has to do with my mission."

"Last time I checked, you weren't my partner," she said with an uncaring shrug.

Hidan rolled his eyes. "For fuck's sake, woman. Last time _I_ checked, you were the Akatsuki medic. So stop being such a bitch and come with me, seriously."

Sakura glared at him a moment longer, tempted to deck him for calling her a bitch again. Even if she was doing her best to be one. She didn't want to be involved in whatever he was up to, but if she refused Pein would likely make her do it anyway. "Fine. Let's go."

Hidan turned and stalked down the hallway. Sakura shut the door roughly behind her and followed him with a scowl.

* * *

They went all the way down to the ground floor, to the dark, concrete-walled lobby, so Sakura assumed they were leaving the building. Then Hidan crossed to the right wall and stopped before it expectantly. The lighting was so dim in here, the shadows so deep, that Sakura hadn't noticed before that the elevator wasn't the only path to take. But now as she moved to where Hidan was, her ring grew warm and began to glow from under her sleeve. The same light glowed through faint seams along the wall in a rectangular shape, and a moment later the wall slid open to reveal a secret passageway.

Hidan went in, and Sakura followed with a curious frown. They walked a short way before descending a long set of stairs. She'd been living in this building for three months and hadn't known this place existed. What else might be here that she didn't know about?

The farther down they went, the thicker and colder the air became. At the bottom of the stairs another corridor stretched away into darkness, lit only by dim, widely spaced lanterns. Judging by the wetness along the walls that dripped slowly into puddles on the rough stone floor, they were deep underground. The air was permeated by a faint odor of damp earth and mildew and something far less pleasant. They passed under the alternating shadows and cold illumination of the lanterns, eventually stopping before a heavy steel door with a barred look-through. There was a light on inside, harsh fluorescent. Sakura was disgruntled that she wasn't tall enough to see through the small square, and stared expectantly at Hidan until he opened it. What she saw when she stepped inside immediately put her on edge.

A man was tied by the wrists and ankles to a metal chair bolted into the floor. His clothes were dirty, and splotches of dried blood marred his skin. His head hung forward, sandy blond hair obscuring his features. His chakra was dormant and weak, nearly indistinguishable. He was a civilian.

Sakura frowned at Hidan. "What is this?"

Hidan glared at the unconscious prisoner. "We had a contract with a man from the neutral territory to the west, an illegal arms manufacturer. He was supposed to deliver a large shipment of weapons to us over a week ago. We already paid him a shitload of money, but we don't have what we paid for, and now it looks like he's turned tail. This is why I said we should just _take_ what we want and not bother with making deals and shit, seriously."

"Maybe the deal was discovered by one of the hidden villages, and they took him for their own interrogation."

"We're about to find out," he said, staring darkly at the restrained figure.

"So who is this?"

Hidan walked around to stand behind the prisoner. "Apparently the double-crossing fuck was in such a hurry to run off with our money that he forgot to take his kid with him." He fisted a hand in the shaggy blond hair and jerked upward, revealing the man's face to the harsh light.

Sakura's eyes widened. Not a man. A boy; no more than thirteen or fourteen years old. A civilian boy at that.

"And I need _you_ to keep him alive and conscious while I ask him a few questions about his old man."

Her eyes rose from the pale, youthful face to meet Hidan's red-violet gaze, and a cold, tight feeling settled in her gut. This boy, who had done nothing wrong but had been caught in his father's shady affairs, was about to be interrogated…by _Hidan_. And she couldn't stop him. This was it. Tsunade's predictive warning had come true; _'You may be required to do things for them that you will not agree with, things that may anger or disgust you, but it will have to be done to maintain your cover.'_

Sakura had done this exact thing twice before, for ANBU. She knew how to keep a person conscious and able to speak through what was being done to them. But it had always been captured missing-nin—hardened, grown men who had done terrible things, not civilian children. Even then, it was a difficult thing to sit through. She could refuse and walk out of this room, but that wouldn't erase the knowledge of what was happening down here, and it would definitely make her look suspicious. If she stayed, she could subversively do what she could for the boy, make it a little easier on him, and make sure Hidan didn't too anything too inhumane.

"You couldn't get anything out of him before?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even.

"I haven't started yet," he answered flatly.

Sakura looked at the boy again, noting the many scrapes and shallow cuts on his face, neck and arms, and the way his clothes hung dirty and rumpled on his frame as if he'd been tossed around roughly. His pitiful state stood out vividly under the harsh fluorescent lights. "Then why does he look like this?"

"Hmph. I told him it'd be best if he came along nicely, but he didn't want to listen."

Sakura didn't believe him, but there was no point arguing about it. She stepped closer to the boy and gently grasped his chin. He whimpered in pain, and his eyes cracked open to stare fearfully up at her. She couldn't bear that fear directed at her, so she stared at the dark bruise under her fingers. "You've broken his jaw," she observed hollowly, suddenly feeling a little sick.

Hidan snorted. "No shit. Why do you think you're here? Obviously he can't talk like that, so fix him up so I can get started already."

Sakura clenched her teeth and scowled, but her hand began to glow faintly with chakra. The boy's brown eyes widened at first in fear of the strange sight, but as the cool sensation washed over his injured face, they softened into a mixture of relief and confusion. But the fear never left them.

The moment she finished he began to speak to her.

"Please…please, I don't know anything! I told you…I don't know where my dad went, I swear! Please…don't hurt me. Please let me go," he begged, dark eyes brimming with tears of fear and helplessness.

Sakura could only stare at his terrified face, rooted to the spot. Had he sensed her hesitation? Had he latched onto her because she took away some of his pain? Because she was female? He looked at her now not with fear, but with the faintest shred of hope. That was worse than any look of terror he could have given her, and it took all her self-control to fight back the prickling behind her eyelids.

Hidan shouldered her to the side irritably, breaking her trance. She moved away silently and stood at a distance behind the chair, back in the shadow of the room, where those eyes couldn't find her again.

And then it began.

Sakura had seen men cry before, had seen them beg for their lives. She had heard them scream. But not like this. Never like this. She stared blankly at the dirty floor, did her best to step outside of herself every time she was called forward to pull the helpless kid back from unconsciousness, or keep him from going into shock. But the reality of what was happening before her couldn't be ignored, and those screams found where she was trying to hide, reached all the way down into her soul.

"Fuck, this kid's crying is annoying, seriously."

Jade eyes slid upward to glare undiluted hate. She wanted nothing more in the world than to rip Hidan's heart out of his chest with her bare hands and stomp it into the floor. He obviously wasn't using it.

Instead she slowly walked forward and placed her hand on the nape of the boy's sweaty neck. A small pulse of chakra into his brain released a strong flood of adrenaline into his system. It would raise his blood pressure, which could be dangerous, but it would also numb most of his pain.

The whole thing probably lasted only an hour, but to Sakura it felt like an eternity. She couldn't even begin to imagine what it must feel like for that poor boy. He didn't know anything. Hidan certainly knew that as well, and what he was doing now was pure sadism. "He doesn't know anything, Hidan. There's no point dragging this out any longer," Sakura voiced aloud, no longer bothering to hide her contempt for him or the situation.

Hidan growled and backed away from his victim after a moment, and Sakura moved forward to see what he'd done to the kid. She was almost relieved at what she saw. It wasn't as bad as she imagined it would be, considering who did it. The boy's face was cut and bleeding, one eye swollen shut. His nose was broken and so were his fingers, and probably a few ribs as well, but nothing appeared to be life-threatening. He was conscious, barely, but too weak and pained to open his one good eye. She couldn't help but be a little thankful of that.

Behind her, Hidan snorted. "He's fucking useless. What a fucking waste of time, seriously." A moment passed, and then, "Kill him."

Sakura whipped around in alarm. "_What?_" Was he actually telling_ her_ to do it? She could see that Hidan was livid, his hooded eyes glinting with anger. He was responsible for acquiring those weapons, and if he couldn't get them he would have to answer to Pein for it. Logically she understood what his problem was. But still, "There's no reason to kill him! If anything he can be used as collateral to force his father into coming back and holding up his end of the agreement," she argued heatedly.

"His old man doesn't give a shit about him or he wouldn't have left him behind. The brat is useless to us if he doesn't know anything. Kill him," he repeated firmly.

"No."

His eyes narrowed. "_What?_"

"I said _no_. I don't take orders from you, Hidan. I'm Akatsuki's medic, not executioner. So fuck off."

His incredulity morphed into malice. Hidan strode forward purposely and roughly shoved Sakura to the side, and before she could balance herself or try to stop him, he pulled the dagger hidden under his cloak and plunged it straight into the boy's heart.

The boy barely gasped before his head lolled forward, and he moved no more.

Sakura gaped in disbelief, eyes traveling mechanically between Hidan's grim face and the dagger protruding from the boy's lifeless torso. The dagger's pommel bore the same symbol as the pendant hanging from the cultist's neck. At first she was too stunned to react, but when Hidan casually pulled the dagger free and _licked_ it clean, Sakura's rage snapped her back to her senses. "_You_ _fucking bastard!"_

He slipped the dagger back inside his cloak and cast her a scathing look. "Don't act like you never killed anyone before, _kunoichi_."

"Only if I have to! Only when necessary!" she growled, shoving off from the wall he'd pushed her into.

"It _was_ necessary," he explained matter-of-factly. "Jashin requires sacrifice to bless me with his power."

"You make me sick," she snarled.

"I love it when you talk dirty," he purred, enjoying her fury.

"_Fuck you_. You're a monster," she hissed. He smiled, and she turned away before she drove her fist through his face. She jerked the heavy door open and stormed out of the cell.

Sakura made her way out of the underground in a blind rage, fighting the urge to go back down there, smash that sadistic bastard into jelly, and bring the entire dungeon down on top of him. She was brimming with frustrated, helpless anger that she couldn't do anything to stop what happened, mind racing with shock and disgust at what she just witnessed in the depths of Akatsuki headquarters, of what she had…_participated_ in.

She had put her mission and her village ahead of a young man's life. For the first time, she was forced to stand aside and let something bad happen for the sake of duty. Things like this happened in the life of a shinobi; it was a sad truth. But that didn't mean she hadn't hoped it wouldn't happen to her.

As the elevator rose, her rage finally dissipated and she was filled with a sort of numb despair. What had she gotten herself into? What _else_ would she have to do before this was over? What would she have to become?

The common room was empty, thankfully. She didn't want to deal with any strange stares she might get from the others. She wanted to crawl under the covers of her bed and will herself into unconsciousness. She wanted to get blind drunk and stay that way for a week or two. Mostly, she just wanted something to distract her and take her mind off the horrible thoughts and images in her head.

And so it was no surprise that in her distressed state, her feet led her to stop before a door that wasn't her own.


	8. The Space Between

**Vertigo**

Chapter Eight: The Space Between

* * *

Deidara looked up from his worktable at the knock on the door. Sakura's knock. He hesitated. He was kind of mildly avoiding her at the moment, though it would be a cold day in hell before he admitted Uchiha's words had bothered him. Another knock, more urgent this time. He sighed and crossed to the door. So much for avoiding…

No sooner had he opened the door than Sakura barged through, rushing past him into the room without a word or even a glance. Deidara frowned a little and shut the door. "Please. Come in. Make yourself at home."

Sakura didn't respond. In fact, now that he got a good look at her, it was obvious that something was wrong. She stood in the middle of the room with her head bowed slightly, hair hiding her eyes. Her chakra levels were low and fluctuating rapidly, and she was visibly trembling. She was either hurt, or extremely angry.

Deidara dropped the snarky attitude now that he realized something serious was going on with her. The answer was obvious, but he asked anyway, "You okay?"

It was a long moment before she answered, and when she did her voice was low and full of anger. "I need to break something," she ground out. "Give me something to break."

Faintly amused by her demand, he went to his worktable and picked up the melon-sized lump of hardened clay he'd left there; the remains of a failed prototype. He would prefer to watch her smash something much bigger, but he figured Pein would throw a fit if she let loose inside his city. He tossed the clay rock to her, and watched with curious enjoyment as she caught it and ground it to dust between her hands, gritting her teeth angrily as she did. That seemed to exhaust her, because she moved to the bed next and sat down heavily, bringing a hand her over her eyes.

Deidara offered a rag from the workbench after wiping his own hands. "Feel better?"

"No." She wiped the clay residue from her hands, and then wrung the cloth between her fingers roughly. She stopped when it began to tear. "Maybe if you made a mould of Hidan's head…"

His expression darkened in understanding. "What happened?"

She told him, leaving out nothing other than the real reason why she couldn't stop it. She nearly lost her composure while describing some of the more ghastly details, and when she finished Deidara wore a scowl to match her own.

"That sadistic fuck. I mean it's not like any of us are the epitome of goodness or anything, but that guy…" He trailed off in a disgusted huff. Being a shinobi came with many subtitles; thief, spy, and murderer to name a few, and in his case – arsonist. But he didn't _enjoy_ killing. Most shinobi didn't, even the bad ones. They did what they had to do to survive, and some were more uncompromising about it than others. But Hidan was by far the most bloodthirsty person he'd ever met. If Sakura got worked up over _this_, she definitely didn't need to know about some of the other things the cult freak had done.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, side by side at the edge of his bed, but Sakura's turbulent aura didn't settle. She was still trembling slightly, but no longer with anger. She was trying not to cry. She failed, and a single tear fell on her cheek before she irritably wiped it away. Deidara watched her silently, a small frown on his features. He'd come to realize over the past three months that she was an emotional person and had more compassion than was probably good for her. But he'd never seen her cry before, and he had a feeling this was about more than the pointless death of that kid.

"I don't think I'm cut out for this," she murmured dolefully.

He turned toward her. "For what?"

"Being in Akatuski…being a missing-nin…all of it."

"Most of us aren't 'cut out for it' in the beginning. It takes getting used to, yeah."

"I don't want to get used to it. I don't want to turn into…_that_."

Deidara sighed. "You won't. Hidan's in a whole different category. In all the time you've been here, have we ever done anything like that? Have we ever gone out of our way to be unnecessarily evil?"

"No," Sakura admitted quietly.

"Exactly. As a missing-nin, all you have to do is what's needed to survive. I'm not saying compassion is a good thing to have out here, because it really isn't, but you don't have to be completely ruthless and sadistic either."

Sakura nodded and met his gaze, managing a faint smile. "Thanks."

He returned her smile, and after a moment he teasingly added, "Anyway, I think you make quite a good criminal. I think most of the time people are more afraid of _you_ than they are of me, yeah."

Sakura gave a small, morose laugh. Whether he was trying to or not, Deidara made her feel a little better, though she was still angry and upset, and horrible images still flashed in her mind. "I still wish things were different. That I didn't have to be here."

Barely audible, he murmured, "Don't we all."

Sakura studied him curiously. "What do you mean?"

He hadn't really meant to say it out loud, and quickly shook his head. "Nothing."

Sakura watched him another moment, debating whether she wanted to try and drag it out of him, but then suddenly she was hit by a strong wave of lightheadedness and pitched sideways into Deidara's shoulder.

He caught her. "Hey—you sure you're alright?"

Sakura nodded weakly and righted herself with his help. "Yeah. I'm just so tired from all the times I had to…"

"Yeah," Deidara intercepted, knowing she didn't want to say it again. Her fatigue was obvious in her posture and the set of her features. Chakra drain and heavy stress was a bad combination, and now that the fury that fueled her was gone, she looked ready to drop. A certain cultist was going to hear it later for running his partner down like this.

"I'll be fine." She ran her hands over her face and sighed. "I just need to lie down for a while."

Then, she did just that. She fell on the bed and curled up on her side, her head on _his_ pillow. Deidara frowned ever so slightly. Great. It was going to smell like her now. He almost said something, but decided not to because he honestly didn't mind. He was about to go back to his worktable and continue his project, to leave her alone for a while to rest, but her low, haunted words stopped him.

"I can't stop seeing it," she said hollowly, staring blankly at the crimson sheets. "I've never had to just stand by and watch something like that happen before…"

Deidara said nothing. He didn't like that she was so upset, but he was far more jaded to that sort of thing than she was, and he didn't really know what to say.

"I need something to take my mind off of it…to distract me." Her green eyes locked onto his. "Talk about something," she requested quietly.

He frowned uncertainly. "Like what?"

Sakura shrugged, as much as she could while lying down. "I don't know. Anything. Tell me something I don't know about you."

He gave a small huff. "What, like my life story or something?"

"What you're willing to tell me of it." She thought for a moment. "Tell me…what led you to become a missing-nin."

"…You really want to know?"

Sakura nodded.

"It's kind of a long story, yeah," he said, still hesitant.

"Good," she said softly.

Deidara was indecisive for another moment, but finally shifted to sit next to her on the bed. Sakura scooted a little to make room for him. He leaned back against the headboard, crossing his outstretched legs. He was close enough that she would barely need to extend her arm to touch him, but neither seemed to care about their proximity.

He thought for a minute about what he wanted to tell her and how to go about it before quietly asking, "Have you ever heard of the beginning of a new bloodline limit?"

Sakura shook her head. "All the clans in Konoha that have one are so old nobody remembers a time when they weren't there. Are you saying yours is the first of its kind?"

He nodded slowly. "That's what the Tsuchikage said when I became a shinobi. Apparently it happens with the right combination of genetics, and one of my parents must have been a descendant of shinobi and carried a dormant gene. But the full story starts before that. I was born in a tiny village to poor peasants. I hardly remember anything from that time, not even my parents' faces. But when I was five, these emerged." He turned his hands palm up, the closed mouths thin, even seams across his palms. "The other villagers must have hated or been afraid of me, because when I think about it I get an instinctive sense of being unhappy, or maybe scared, even though I can't clearly recall that time in my life. What I do know is that my parents didn't want an abnormal child, because soon after it happened they sold me to Iwagakure."

Sakura gaped at him in dismay. "You were _sold_? What kind of parents would—?"

"_Mine_, apparently," he said flatly.

Sakura was appalled that such things happened, that a parent could abandon or _sell_ their child just because they were different. "So then Stone just…took you in?"

Deidara snorted. "Of course. They were only too happy to get their hands on me. The Tsuchikage tried to get my parents to stay and have more kids, but they refused, said they would never have another child if it would turn out to be a freak like me. It's strange; I don't even remember what they looked like, but I remember them saying that just before they left."

Though he'd said it casually, Sakura didn't miss the hint of anger and maybe a tiny bit of hurt in his eyes and voice, and it pulled at her heartstrings. At such a young age, a child wouldn't understand why their parents didn't want them anymore. They would think they had done something wrong. Humans could be truly despicable at times, and she felt awful for him.

"I was enrolled in the academy immediately and sent to live in the orphanage, and that's how I grew up," he continued. "I was a big troublemaker. I got into a lot of fights and pissed off a lot of important people. Iwa is not a nice place to live, and I hated it from day one, yeah."

Sakura nodded knowingly. She'd met a few Stone ninja in her life, and they were notoriously unfriendly people. From what she knew, Hidden Stone was a very militaristic place, where shinobi were nothing more than tools to serve the Tsuchikage. Konoha and Iwa had been enemies for decades because they were so fundamentally different and could never agree on peace terms.

He went on, "I was called a prodigy, because I learned quickly and excelled at regular shinobi skills. But no one appreciated or respected the genius of _my_ art, even though I developed and mastered it all on my own. My relationship with Hidden Stone and the Tsuchikage was bad from the start, and it only got worse as I got older. I left the village when I was thirteen. Not for any specific or dramatic reason. I just couldn't stand to be there anymore. After that there were a lot of bad choices and wrong turns. Looking back I think the only thing I ever did right was perfecting my art, yeah. I did some independent work for a while, drifted around a lot, and then eventually Akatsuki heard of me and came to '_recruit'_ me, and the rest you already know."

Sakura watched him closely, a sympathetic frown on her tired features. "I'm sorry you've had such a crappy life."

Deidara was taken aback. "Why would you be sorry? You had nothing to do with it."

"Because you deserved better."

He stared at her. No one had ever said anything like that to him before, that he deserved anything other than exactly what he got, or worse. He was still mentally fumbling when Sakura spoke again.

"I have…_had_, a friend who grew up a lot like you," she said quietly. The way he described his childhood sounded an awful lot like Naruto's. If Naruto hadn't gained acceptance and friendship eventually, what might he have turned out to be? She sighed sadly. "I miss him."

A few moments passed before she continued, "In fact, I miss a lot of things. I had to leave my village, but I still had a few friends there. They couldn't help me when I got into trouble, but I know they still cared about me. I miss training in the woods. I miss eating ramen at Ichiraku. I miss working at the hospital. Mostly I just miss how _normal_ everything was. This kind of life…what we do for Akatuski…it's not something I ever thought I would be doing, and…it's really hard for me."

Her melancholy admission troubled him, because her circumstances revolved around what happened five years ago. "You're too good for this life. And it sucks that you're in it because of me." He smirked faintly, more a reflex than amusement at anything. "I wish I could say I'm sorry for getting you into this, but I'd be lying, because I'm glad you were there that day, and that you were willing to help someone like me."

"I don't regret saving your life, Deidara," she admonished quietly.

He gave her a small, self-conscious smile. She smiled back, and then closed her eyes tiredly. It was quiet between them for a while, and when Deidara spoke again his tone was soft, lacking the brashness he usually spoke with.

"You know your first night here, when you asked me why I kissed you that day?"

Sakura looked up at his profile, drowsy but curious. "Mhm."

He continued to stare ahead of him. "Well, what I told you wasn't the full truth." He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "That was part of it, but I really did it because…because no one had ever done that before, you know? No one had ever gone out of their way for me before, to _help_ me, just out of kindness, without something being in it for them. But you did, yeah. Even though you were supposed to be my enemy, even though it could get you in trouble, and _did _eventually. You still did it. That's…" He left it at that, not really knowing what else to say, and feeling slightly embarrassed that he'd said as much as he had.

Sakura was glad she'd saved him, truly. Because if he had died that day, he wouldn't be here now to be her partner, and she knew that this mission would be a lot harder if he wasn't around to cheer her up and just…make everything easier to cope with. She wished she could tell him that. She reached out to touch his forearm gently, and sleepily whispered, "Thank you."

His eyes flicked from her hand to her face. "…For what?" he asked uncertainly.

"For being my friend."

Deidara just stared at her for the longest time. A friend? Another thing no one had ever said to him before. Sakura was unlike anyone he'd ever met, he knew that already, but tonight she'd really put him at a loss for words, and that wasn't something that happened often. When her breathing evened out and he knew she'd finally fallen asleep, he smiled, small but genuine.

Sakura was different, in ways he couldn't really describe. _He_ felt different when he was around her. It was something new, a certain level to their relationship that he'd never allowed with anyone else. He liked her, and he…trusted her. And it seemed she felt the same way about him. When she was upset earlier she could have gone to her own room to cool off, but instead she came to his. To _him_. What did that mean? Did she really think of him as a friend? She must; she was usually very upfront about her thoughts and feelings. She wouldn't have said it if she didn't mean it.

And did he feel the same? Deidara had never had a friend before, but he understood that Sakura definitely fit into that category. They made each other laugh. They bickered and teased but never took it seriously. They spent a lot of time together, even when they weren't required to, because they enjoyed each other's company. They trusted each other with things that had nothing to do with their professional partnership.

He watched her sleeping face and a disquieting thought occurred to him. His brow furrowed minutely as he reached out tentatively to brush a stray strand of pink hair from her cheek.

Maybe, just maybe, for him at least, it went even farther than that.

* * *

Sakura woke up slowly, feeling warm and comfortable, but still groggy and emotionally drained. The bed she was in was exactly like her own, but an assessment of her surroundings as her eyes adjusted revealed that this was not her room. It was Deidara's. A moment later the recollection came back to her of what happened and how it ended up with her coming here.

Her mood darkened a little with the memory. She'd fallen asleep on top of the covers, but now there was a blanket over her and it twisted around her as she rolled over. She smiled softly. Deidara was capable of being quite sweet when he wanted to be. However, she was still surprised he'd let her stay the entire night. She had only planned to take a small nap, but the faint gray light seeping through the heavy drapes on the window told her it was now morning.

Turning over, she stared at the slightly creased covers on the other side of the bed. Had Deidara slept there beside her? She knew he was capable of being thoughtful and nice, at least to her, but he wasn't selfless enough to let her have his bed while he slept elsewhere. How strange, and a little troubling, that she felt so at ease with him now that the thought of sleeping next to him didn't make her uncomfortable. She meant it when she said he was her friend, and it saddened her that she couldn't tell him how much she really appreciated him.

Finally she got up, yawning as she stretched her legs and removed her rumpled cloak, before smoothing it out and laying it at the foot of the bed. She'd fallen asleep fully clothed, and her thigh was sore from where her weapons holster had dug into it during the night. Her hitai-ate was loose, so she pulled it off and smoothed out her hair with her fingers. Staring at the strip of leather in her palm, the heavy feeling of melancholy came over her again. She still couldn't stand to look at the scratched out Leaf symbol. Rather than retie it, she stuffed it into the inner pocket of her cloak.

She crossed to the window and pulled back the heavy curtains to let in the light. What little there was, anyway. The view was as always; an overcast, rainy day in a cold, dreary city. Grays and grays and more grays, the only colors being those of the occasional neon sign. Sakura was really starting to hate this place. Hidden Rain would depress even the happiest people over time, and she was definitely not happy. It was late February and the snow had mostly melted, but the constant heavy rain and dark ominous clouds left the village in a permanent half-light, as if the sun never rose fully. She could count on one hand the number of times the rain had stopped, and it was never for more than an hour or so, and the clouds hadn't broken to reveal the sky since her second night here when she and Deidara had watched the stars on the rooftop. No wonder he'd made such a big deal of it at the time.

Sakura knew this heavy, gloomy feeling wasn't going away any time soon. What happened yesterday had compounded it further, but it had started some time ago. When she first accepted this mission she hadn't really thought about how long it may take, but she realized now that it wouldn't happen quickly. It could very well be _years_ before this was over, before she could go home again. If she lived through it, that is.

Six months had passed since she left Konoha behind under the guise of a fugitive, and she missed home so badly: the temperate climate of Fire country, where she could wear shorts every day of the year; the beautiful sunrises and sunsets, and the way the shadows played over the Hokage Mountain; the beauty of the surrounding forests, and how the crickets would play their songs at night. There were a lot of little things she'd taken for granted about her home village, things she never really thought of until their total absence. But more than the village itself, she missed the people she left behind.

Did they think she was a traitor? Did they hate her now? Did they know she had joined Akatsuki? Sakura wanted to believe they would have faith in her, but it wasn't something she could hope for. Naruto had kept faith in his bond with Sasuke when he left, but Sasuke hadn't gone and joined the organization trying to kill Naruto. And Naruto's heart was a little less forgiving after Sasuke's final betrayal. For the sake of his own sanity, there was only so much he could put up with anymore. So as much as it hurt to think it, it was entirely possible that he now considered her to be just another enemy in a red and black cloak. The thought brought tears to her eyes, and she shut them until the stinging subsided.

_Gods_, she missed all of them. She missed Kakashi and his perverted books, and his infrequent but casually profound advice. She missed Sai with his naiveté and weirdness, and his annoying yet inexplicably adorable attempts to socialize and fit in. She missed Tsunade, learning from her and working with her at the hospital, and walking into the Hokage's office to find her passed out with a hangover, or still drunk. Hell, she even missed Ino, with her gossiping and obnoxious attempts to 'improve' her. But most of all…she missed Naruto.

Naruto was her best friend, and it killed her that he might hate her now. Sakura didn't understand why she couldn't have at least told _him_ the truth about her defection. After all, having a demon sealed inside for their entire life tended to make one good at keeping secrets. She wished she could tell him how sorry she was for hurting him, for making him believe she'd betrayed him. She missed his face, with that bright, cheesy smile that never failed to make her feel better. She missed his larger-than-life personality and the natural inspiration he gave to those around him. She missed his goofy antics and his occasional bouts of astounding dumbness.

A wistful smile had formed on her lips, but it was soon gone with another melancholy sigh. Then the door opened and closed with a soft click. She heard him set something on the table behind her, but didn't turn even when Deidara silently drew up beside her.

He watched her for a moment, studying the way the morning light played over her tired features. "What are you thinking about?" he asked quietly.

"I was remembering the sun," she murmured, still staring out into the gray city.

He seemed to understand her meaning somewhat, and gave a barely perceptible nod before turning his own gaze to the dreary world outside. After a minute or so he moved around her, back to what he'd left on the table. When he returned to her side he offered her a cup of hot tea, another steaming cup in his other hand.

Sakura finally met his gaze and managed a small smile in thanks. Her fingertips brushed lightly over his as she took the cup, and she saw something shift in his eyes at the small contact, but she turned to look out the window again before he could read her own reaction.

They were quiet for a while, each leaning against the opposite sill as they sipped their tea and gazed out the window, not really looking at anything, both lost in their own thoughts.

After several minutes Sakura found her gaze drawn to his profile, her eyes travelling over the features she already knew well; from the pale hair that fell over his shoulder, to almond shaped eyes that shifted with his mood from sky blue to a cloudy blue-grey, like they were now, to smooth lips that curved just slightly at the corners, giving the impression of a perpetual smirk.

She tried not to think about the tiny thrill that ran through her when he'd given her the cup, but the slight darkening of his eyes when their fingers touched told her he had felt it as well. It wasn't the first time they'd had contact like that; while passing a kunai or a canteen, or when he'd help her up onto his flying bird. But something was different now. Opening up to each other last night had caused something to shift in their relationship. It wasn't that she was suddenly attracted to him when she hadn't been before. No, that definitely wasn't the case. It was more like…there was a level of trust between them now that allowed such reactions to emerge. Sakura didn't know what to think about that. She enjoyed their chemistry, but the potential dangers of such a thing scared her.

He caught her gaze then, and she felt her cheeks warm slightly. "Thanks for letting me stay here. I didn't mean to sleep the whole night…." She smiled a bit sheepishly.

"It's fine," he said quietly, returning her smile with a faint one of his own.

Sakura looked out the window again, and sighed. "I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind in this place."

Deidara noted the signs of stress in her features, the clouding of depression in her normally bright eyes. He didn't like it. Sakura was vibrant and full of fire. It was wrong for her to be like this. "You need to get out of here. We both do. I'll talk to Leader today and get him to give us a mission. Even if it's something stupid, some bs assignment. Just something to get us out of Rain and away from everyone else for a while, yeah."

"Okay," she agreed softly. She had never been gladder to have Deidara as her partner than she was right now. When he was like this, it seemed like he might truly care about her. He was a comfort she never expected to find. Though it should worry her that they were becoming so close, it was all she had right now, and she couldn't help but welcome it.


	9. We All Break the Same

**Vertigo**

Chapter Nine: We All Break the Same

* * *

"Is everything alright?"

Sakura looked up and met Konan's feline-green gaze. "Mhm," she murmured against the rim of her cup before taking a sip.

The other kunoichi turned her cup in slow circles on the table, creating faint scraping sounds that echoed between them. "You've been rather quiet today. You seem troubled," she observed.

Sakura curled her fingers around the cup, absorbing its warmth as she looked out the window. Still raining. "It's nothing," she said evenly. She doubted she was convincing, but she knew Konan wouldn't pry. In fact, it sort of troubled her that Konana even cared to ask. Just one more thing on the list of reasons why this mission was getting harder to carry out. She had to get it together before everyone else noticed. "I know this is where you grew up and all…but this place is kind of depressing sometimes."

Konan gave a small nod of understanding. "It can be," she agreed, her expression turning slightly wistful. "When I was a child, this city was little more than a refugee camp for victims of the Third Shinobi War. River country, and Grass as well, are small nations surrounded by giants; Fire, Earth and Wind. They fought their battles in our fields, and housed their soldiers in our towns. Many of the deserters came here to this village and made their way by taking advantage of the native people. That was the Hidden Rain I grew up in. Pein and his vision changed everything. He liberated the people and reclaimed what was not for others to take. The scars of the past are still visible, but it's much better here than it used to be. And…it's the only home we know," she finished quietly.

Sakura wondered, not for the first time, how Pein could be such a hero and a villain at the same time. It was all a matter of perspective, she supposed, and couldn't help but wonder how much her own outlook may have shifted since she'd been here.

"Where is Deidara?" Konan asked after a moment, brushing a strand of indigo hair from her brow.

"I'm not sure. I haven't seen him in a few hours," she replied, thinking again about their quiet interlude earlier that morning. "He said he was going to talk to Leader about getting a mission. I guess we've both been kind of restless lately."

"Ah. He's always gotten restless easily. Though he's been much better and less impulsive since you've been his partner," the older woman said, the corner of her lips twisting slightly.

Sakura kept her expression neutral and tried not to read too much into her words. "Do you think Leader will have a job for us?"

"I'm sure he'll think of something. It's been an unusually slow month, and you two aren't the only ones going a little stir crazy. You've probably noticed that most of us aren't really the communal type."

Sakura frowned slightly. "I've noticed. Some people around here don't play well with others. So then why have everyone come here to Rain?"

"It makes it easier to communicate and carry out orders, and most of the time things run smoothly. It's only when we're all cooped up together like this for weeks that it starts to get a little tense around here. But winter is ending and we'll all be busy very soon."

Sakura wondered why that was, and was about to ask when Kisame entered the kitchen carrying a travel pack, and headed for the large pantry.

"Don't mind me, just grabbing some supplies," he called to the two women.

Sakura smirked at the sounds of canned goods being shuffled around and, by the sound of it, knocked over. "It's kind of hard not to with all that racket you're making," she called back. His chuckle drifted out from inside the pantry. "What's your mission about?"

"We're going to Swamp country to recruit some shinobi for the mercenary force."

"Swamp country? That's really far, all the way on the other side of Wind or something, right? I didn't know they had a hidden village."

Before he could reply, her attention was diverted by Itachi walking into the room. The Uchiha glanced briefly at Sakura and Konan before crossing to lean half-sitting against a different table on the far side. Sakura pursed her lips wryly. Antisocial jerk.

"They have a small one," Kisame answered as he came out, arms full of various dry goods. He began stuffing them into his pack as he continued, "Hidden Moss or something like that. Apparently they're under pressure from their Daimyo and are trying to throw out any shinobi who don't have special clan jutsu or bloodline limits. So we're going there to pick up the strays."

"That's ridiculous…lots of shinobi are very powerful without any inherited abilities. It's stupid and a waste to just cast them out," Sakura said with a disapproving frown.

"They are not the first to do so," Itachi said in his typically disinterested manner.

"And they won't be the last," Konan added. "And we will take in those castoffs, and they will help us achieve our goal."

Sakura didn't respond to that, and it was quiet except for the sounds of Kisame filling his pack. Then suddenly Sakura frowned as she caught an unpleasantly familiar scent. She glanced at the three people in the room, and saw they had caught it too. Itachi gave no reaction, but Konan's features set in muted distaste, and Kisame actually smirked rather sadistically. "Why does it smell like blood?" she wondered aloud.

"All in a day's prayer."

The voice came from behind her, in the doorway. Sakura's hackles rose as she heard it, and the smell of blood grew stronger as she turned to regard the last person she wanted to deal with today. Then her eyes went wide as she took in the sight before her.

Hidan was transformed into his reaper aspect, and literally covered in blood. What's worse was that it was _his_ blood, oozing in thick crimson rivulets from gaping wounds all over his bare torso. He had mutilated himself, no doubt for some horrible ritual to his evil god.

Sakura made a disgusted face. She was still furious about what happened yesterday, and seeing him like this set her off. "For fuck's sake, are you completely uncivilized? Why would you come walking in here like that?"

He merely shrugged. "Why not?"

"Because it's disgusting."

Hidan smirked at her. "Don't tell me you got a problem with a little blood, Sakura-chan." He licked a crimson droplet from the tip of his finger. "You wouldn't be much of a kunoichi if you couldn't handle a little…bodily fluid."

Sakura scowled at him, bristling at his insinuation.

"If you insist on practicing your rituals, Hidan, then do them in your own quarters. This is a kitchen, people _eat_ in here, and you're getting blood all over the floor," Konan reproved, giving the cultist a withering look.

Hidan looked down at the crimson puddle beginning to pool at his feet, not even bothering to appear contrite.

"You go through more cloaks than all of us combined, man," Kisame remarked with a pointy-toothed smirk, glancing at the ripped and blood-soaked cloak slung over Hidan's elbow.

Hidan shrugged indifferently. "Tch. Like I care about that. My religion looks down on materialism."

"It's not a religion, it's just an excuse to be evil," Sakura muttered under her breath.

Hidan heard her, and scowled. "What the fuck would _you_ know about it? You Fire country heathens and your pathetic ancestor-worship. Do you get anything from it, any power? No, all you get is a load of obligation and a ridiculous sense of duty and guilt. I've been made a fucking _immortal_, so whose religion is superior, eh?"

"It's a good thing you're immortal, because I wouldn't heal you even if you begged. If I found you bleeding out in a ditch somewhere, I'd stop to watch you die and then be on my merry way," she retorted waspishly.

"_Now_ you're starting to sound like an Akatsuki. Then again, you're probably full of shit. After all, that's not what you did with Deidara. You went all out of your way to help him, your _enemy_, and got yourself in a shitload of trouble for a little punk who's not even worth saving. And why are you being even more of a bitch today than you usually are? You still all wound up about that kid?" He gave a scathing laugh. "Seriously, I don't know how the fuck you managed to become a missing-nin or get into Akatsuki with that weak-ass softness of yours."

He cocked his head quizzically and crossed his arms, making a sickening squelching sound as more blood seeped onto the floor. "Here's a question for you, sweetheart, one I'm sure everyone here will be_ quite_ interested in: if you're that reluctant to kill some stupid kid you've never met before and don't care about, then how the fuck do you plan to help us yank the demon out of your little jinchuuriki friend?"

Sakura tried to restrain her growing rage. This argument needed to end before his insinuations made her look suspicious. "You know nothing about me, or what I'm capable of. Uzumaki Naruto was my teammate, I never said he was my friend," she lied, using the anger in her tone to sound convincing. She could feel Itachi's eyes on her, and she glanced at him to find those crimson orbs full of intense appraisal. _Shit_. Itachi was the one person who would know her words were a contradiction. She looked away casually and glared at Hidan again, even angrier at him now for putting her on the spot like this.

Hidan laughed derisively. "If you say so. And yeah, I don't know you, and I don't want to. But one thing that's pretty damn clear is that you don't belong here with the rest of us if you're so weak. You may have the ability to knock over a mountain, but you can't even fucking _use_ it without crying _'is this really necessary?'_" His tone was high pitched and feminine as he mocked her, and his lip curled in a sneer. "Don't you think you'd be better off playing in a meadow with some fucking kittens, little girl?" He flicked his blood-wet fingers, spattering a few droplets in her direction.

Something inside Sakura snapped, and before she even realized what she was doing, she flew at the cultist and slugged him as hard as she could. There was a loud _crack_ and Hidan flew backward, hitting the doorframe hard before going down in a heap. She stalked toward him, and no one moved to stop her. The other Akatsuki watched the scene with intense, surprised stares.

She stood over his prostrate form, glaring down at him hatefully. One side of his face was completely smashed, part of his skull caved in, his neck broken. A fatal blow to anyone but him. In fact she could see him breathing, or the appropriate word might be _seething_; the side of his jaw that still had teeth clenched in fury. Sakura was still seeing red as well. "I know you can still hear me, you bastard. How's that for weak, huh? I just took _you_ out in one hit, and you would never get up again if you weren't an undead freak." A darkly smug smirk curled her lips. "In fact, you're completely incapacitated until the part of your brain I just turned to jelly regenerates itself, aren't you? I bet I could find a way to finish you off for good before it does…"

"Sakura. Enough."

Sakura turned quickly, eyes widening as they met Pein's intense, heavy gaze. The Akatsuki leader stood in the other doorway, the one leading to the rooftop. Deidara was with him, staring at the scene in the kitchen with eyes just as wide, if not wider, than her own. In fact everyone seemed to be a little shocked. Kisame's jaw hung open, Konan looked equal parts surprised and angry, since she'd been sitting across from Sakura and some of the blood Hidan flicked had hit her too. Even Itachi and Pein's normally impassive faces were easy to read. Sakura was a shocked by her own behavior as well. She knew she had a bad temper, but it was rare to get so angry that she would lash out _this_ violently.

She backed away from Hidan, still incapacitated on the floor, and turned to fully face the Akatsuki leader, her fists unclenching as her anger subsided.

"What is going on?" Pein asked, more sharply than his usual bland tone.

Sakura took a deep breath to calm herself. "He went too far this time."

Pein glanced at Hidan's crushed face and then back to her. "You realize you would have killed him, were he not immortal."

"Yes. But he won't die, because he is," she replied unapologetically. "From what I've heard, his old partner tried to kill him several times, in ways a lot worse than this. He deserved it, and I'm not going to heal him. He can fix himself."

Pein stared at her for a long, tense moment, and Sakura held his gaze bravely. He glanced at Konan briefly, and out of the corner of her eye she saw the other kunoichi give a faint nod. When he met her gaze again it was less intimidating than before.

"I won't expect you not to retaliate when provoked, but I do expect professionalism from you as well. Hidan has no missions at the moment, otherwise I _would_ make you heal him. Do not do something like this again inside the building. If you cause structural damage to these headquarters I will be most unpleased." His tone gave just enough warning that '_most unpleased_' was a very bad thing for him to be.

Sakura nodded acceptingly, inwardly relieved that he wasn't really angry about what she'd done, or the fact that she had acted defiant. She shouldn't have lost her temper like that, but Hidan had a way of getting under her skin like no one else, and he'd had it coming since yesterday. If she wasn't required to play her part here, she _would_ have finished him off.

"Kisame, take Hidan to his quarters. He'll recover in a few days."

Kisame sighed irritably, but did as directed. The burly shark nin picked Hidan up by the back of his belt with one arm, leaving the bloodstained cloak on the floor, and carried him hanging at arm's length toward the private quarters.

After they'd gone, Pein looked to Konan. "Send for someone to clean up this mess." Konan nodded, and he strode forward and casually stepped over the dark puddle. He paused when he reached Sakura. "You two wanted a mission. I have one for you. Come."

Sakura fell into step beside Deidara as they followed Pein down the hall, catching his 'what the hell was that about' look, as well as the beginnings of an amused smirk on his lips. She gave him a look that said she'd explain it later.

* * *

They entered the library, and Pein directed them to a desk covered in several documents and scrolls. He must have been working in here earlier, before Deidara came to talk to him about getting a mission. He picked up one of the scrolls and handed it to the explosives expert.

Deidara read over the scroll, and then gave Pein a look of mild skepticism. "Fuzen?"

Sakura took the scroll as he passed it to her. It was a letter from a businessman, and it mentioned something about a deal or exchange with Akatsuki. She frowned slightly as she scanned the contents. Fuzen was a trade port on the far eastern coast, in a neutral territory between Fire and Lightning. It was a black market hub, a haven for shady dealers. This letter was no doubt from one of those shady dealers.

Pein nodded. "The man who sent this letter, Yakushiji Saito, is a one of the top crime lords in Fuzen, and he has expressed interest in establishing a business arrangement with Akatsuki. He is apparently a man of foresight, and anticipates our impending monopoly in many of the industries that city is known for. He asks that we allow him to maintain his operations once we take control of Fuzen's trade industry, in exchange for a percent of his profit."

"A payoff, only he's the one offering," Sakura said, still reading the scroll.

"Correct. I need someone to go his base of operations and evaluate whether any of his enterprises would be useful enough for us to agree to such an arrangement. The two of you will go to Fuzen and conduct an appraisal of Yakushiji's businesses, and of course check out his competition as well in case they have something better to offer, along with any other dealings of potential interest to Akatsuki in that area."

"Sounds like a long mission," Deidara remarked.

"That is what you were looking for, is it not?" Pein replied evenly, looking at them both in turn.

Deidara hadn't said that specifically when he'd brought it up, but after what happened with Sakura and Hidan it was pretty obvious she would want to get away for a while. "Pretty much," he said. "This place gets boring after a while, yeah."

Pein looked at Deidara knowingly, and then turned his ringed gaze to Sakura. "This assignment will likely take a few months to complete, perhaps longer if there are complications, though there shouldn't be any. I will contact you periodically for reports, but otherwise use your own judgment."

Sakura nodded. "When do you want us to leave?"

"You can go whenever you're ready, but no later than tomorrow night."

Deidara smirked. "Hn. We'll be gone in the next hour, yeah."

When they were gone, Pein turned his attention to some of the other paperwork on the desk. A few moments later he looked up as he sensed his partner, and met her familiar green gaze as she silently entered the room.

"They will be gone for some time," he said as she stopped before him.

Konan nodded. "That's good. We don't need any more incidents, and Hidan will be angry about this for a while. He did bring it upon himself, though. His behavior today was much worse than usual."

Pein gave a small, indifferent shrug. "Sakura is our medic, and her many abilities are rivaled only by her former master. Hidan has always been problematic, and has become rather unreliable lately. She is of more value to the organization than he is at this point. If I'm forced to make a decision about the situation, it will most likely be in her favor."

"She is valuable to us in many ways," Konan agreed. "Even in ways she herself is unaware of; her ability to manage Deidara's volatility, for example."

"She shows him a respect that his other partners did not. With someone willing to listen to him, he doesn't feel the need to prove himself recklessly, and shows her respect in return."

Konan gave him a pointed look. "You know it's more than mutual respect, Pein."

One corner of his lips curved just slightly.

"Is it a good idea to send them off alone together for so long? Their chemistry is palpable…their relationship will not stay platonic."

"As long as nothing interferes with their missions or our goals, then it doesn't matter. I will not set those limitations unless it becomes a problem."

"Of course…to do so would be hypocritical of you," she said softly, moving a bit closer.

Pein's eyes, normally piercing and cold, softened as he gazed down at his partner in every sense of the word. He lifted a hand to trail his finger along the smooth skin of her jawline, stopping below her chin. "Yes…I may be a god," he murmured as he bent his head to hers, enjoying the way her darkened lashes dusted her cheeks as she lowered her eyes in anticipation, "but I am not a hypocrite."

Konan's lips curled in a sweet smile, just before they met his own.

* * *

"How much farther is the border? And why does it have to be raining in_ Grass_ too?" Sakura complained, frowning down at her mud-covered boots as she walked. The rain hadn't let up once since they'd left headquarters yesterday afternoon.

Beside her and a little ahead, Deidara chuckled. "It's about another half-day on foot, and it's raining here too because the season is changing, yeah."

"I know. I just really wish we didn't have to walk. We can't even travel on a _road_ in this territory," she muttered, inwardly cursing her status as a missing-nin.

"Being partnered with me has spoiled you. And we do this every time…though we usually don't have to walk all the way out of River country for the sky to clear." They could have been over halfway to their destination by now, but because of the weather they'd had to stop for the night just inside the Grass border.

Sakura cast a sidelong glance at her partner. "Yeah I know. It's just… the sooner we get away the better, you know? Are you sure your birds can't fly in the rain?" she asked without any real hope.

Deidara smirked at her over his shoulder. "Oh they can fly, but I doubt you'll want to be high in the air when the clay becomes waterlogged and falls apart."

She nodded in response and trudged on with a dejected sigh.

"Besides, the longer it takes to get there, the longer it takes to do our mission, and the longer we can be out of Ame, yeah," he said, still watching her.

She gave a small laugh at that. "Maybe we should walk the whole way then."

Their pace was slow since they were travelling cross-country, avoiding roads and densely populated areas where they may be recognized, and they were walking because neither of them felt like burning the chakra needed to run. It was raining buckets, but their heavy cloaks and wide brimmed hats sheltered them from the downpour. They crossed the soggy fields and plains of Grass in companionable silence. When they came across a road around midday, they stopped to eat lunch in a small roadside shelter before heading back into open countryside. The country was named Grass because that's pretty much all there was: _grass_. Rolling fields of green dotted with farms and small strands of forest here and there. It was rather quaint and pretty, though it got boring after awhile.

Around mid-afternoon as they were crossing a wide field of tall grass that was waist high to Deidara and nearly reached Sakura's chest, their cloaks becoming increasingly wet as they brushed the long leaves, the air turned heavy and static and the sky took on the amber tint that signals an oncoming storm. A couple minutes later the thunderclouds that had been churning overhead all day finally let loose with a blinding flash and a loud, resounding rumble. Another followed soon after, and a full-scale lighting storm commenced over their heads.

Deidara stopped walking and grinned up at the chaotic sky, his eyes glinting with excitement as another flash of lighting arced high over their heads. Sakura stopped as well, smiling more with amusement at her partner than at the storm.

"You like thunder and lightning?"

"Of course I do. They're proof that nature agrees with me about art," he said, glancing down at her with that adorably crooked, half-mad grin of his.

"So then I guess you also like flashfloods, avalanches, and earthquakes," she said wryly.

"And volcanic eruptions. Those are the best, yeah."

Sakura had to laugh at that, and turned her eyes to the sky again. They stood there for some time, shoulder to shoulder, watching the clouds roll and the lighting lace erratically across the sky.

Then a tiny prickle of chakra infringed on the edge of Sakura's senses, and the next thing she knew she was being jerked down to the ground. She braced her landing with a hand in the mud and looked to her partner in alarm, instinctively masking her chakra as she felt him do the same.

"Did you see that?" he murmured in an urgent, hushed tone.

"No, but I felt it," she replied in the same low voice. She'd felt it because she was sensitive to chakra, but hadn't seen anything in this bad visibility. Deidara was wearing his scope, and had much keener eyesight than her in the first place due to his aerial fighting style. "What did you see? Shinobi?"

"I don't know. Probably. I only saw one, but…" He released her arm and sat up a little to try and peer through the tall strands of grass. A moment later he quickly crouched down again, and met her concerned gaze with an agitated frown. "Fuck. ANBU."

No sooner had he said it than several more chakra signatures appeared at what felt like five hundred feet or so to the north. "How many?" she whispered.

"At least ten. Probably a full platoon, yeah."

Not good. "Did they look like they were searching?"

He shook his head, still looking in the direction of the threat. "They haven't noticed us or they would have masked their chakra already. That's what they always do. It's probably just a scheduled rendezvous between squads, and we're just in the wrong place at the wrong time, yeah."

Sakura frowned, thinking of their options. They could just wait for them to have their meeting and go away, but somehow she didn't think it would be that easy.

As if the universe had read her mind, Deidara suddenly gave a low growl of irritation.

"Damn it, they're coming closer." He turned and locked eyes with her again. "We need to get out of here before they sense us."

A moment after he'd spoken, a few of the chakra signatures disappeared, followed a second after by the rest of them. It was as if they had all vanished. But Sakura knew if she was to look over the top of the tall grass, she would see a dozen dark figures crouched low to the ground and moving slowly in their direction. Searching for them.

This was bad. They were in the middle of an open field, and no matter how tall the grass, they wouldn't be able to hide forever. "They're going to find us!" she whispered fiercely.

"I know that," he whispered back, looking more angry about it than worried.

"Are we going to fight? I know you said your transports can't hold up in the rain, but what about the explosives? Will they last long enough to do their jobs?"

That seemed to make him even more irritated. "They will, but they lose a lot of power when it's raining like this. And we'd have to fight on the ground, with no cover. There's no way we can fight a dozen ANBU in the open without serious problems. I mean I know I'm good, but that's asking a bit much, yeah."

She caught his smirk, and rolled her eyes a little. "This is a bad time to make jokes, Deidara. So what are we gonna do?"

He didn't reply immediately, scanning the area ahead with his scope. If Deidara excelled at one thing, it was thinking fast in tight situations. Finally, he motioned for her to come closer. Sakura leaned in as he whispered his plan in her ear, the need for total silence more important now because they could both feel their instincts screaming of the approaching danger, and they knew it was only a matter of minutes before they would have no choice but to fight.

Sakura nodded that she understood, and they both silently discarded their kasa, eliminating the problem of the charming but incredibly _un_-stealthy bell ornaments. Deidara reached a hand into each hip pouch and quickly began to mold clay. In one hand he produced several tiny sparrows, which he tossed out toward the approaching enemies and enlarged with a one-handed seal. The missiles screeched as they grew to full size and locked on to their targets. Voices of the enemy nins could be heard as they caught sight of the explosives and began evasive maneuvers. Deidara muttered the command, and several resounding blasts filled the air.

"Go!" he said urgently.

They sprang up from their hiding place, using the chaos and smoke for cover. Sakura flung several kunai in the enemies' direction, but couldn't see if any of them actually hit. Then she was grabbing Deidara's outstretched hand as the second object he'd created sprang to life and lifted into the air. The flying construct was small and made for speed, and they took off in the direction of the forest about a half mile away. Several kunai struck the underside of the bird with audible thuds and a series of small vibrations, and a couple stray weapons flew past their flank as they rose above the smoke cover and out of range.

"This thing's gonna go down fast! Be ready to jump!" he shouted above the wind.

Sakura could already feel the clay losing consistency, becoming slimy and soft under her fingers as she held on with chakra. Any minute now it would start to fall apart, and they definitely didn't want to be on it when it did. She glanced back over her shoulder and saw seven dark forms racing across the fields after them. It seemed they had been able to take out almost half of them, though it was probably more Deidara's doing than her blind kunai toss. If he wasn't here, she would be royally screwed.

They may be screwed anyway, because her knee suddenly sank into the bird's back as the clay began to sag under her weight, and her eyes widened in alarm as she saw one of the feather tips of the wing fall away. "Deidara!"

He glanced over his shoulder and saw for himself. "Shit. Hang on!" He veered the bird sharply toward the treetops.

Sakura no longer trusted the stability of the bird, and clung to the back of Deidara's cloak instead as they dove practically headfirst into the forest.

He flew them toward a thick tree as more wing tips began to fall off. "Jump!"

Sakura jumped from the crumbling back and dove for the nearest branch, just before the sagging clay projectile that had once been a bird crashed into the trunk with a spray of soggy earth. She caught the branch and clung to it with chakra, wincing as the palms of her hands scraped the bark on the rough landing. Their transport began to dissolve as it slid down the trunk, the remainders falling in clumps toward the ground.

A moment later Deidara landed next to her, jumping down from the branch above where he'd landed. "Come on, we can't stop here," he said, looking around for any sign of their pursuers.

"It'll take them a while to catch up, but they saw where we landed and they're going to search this whole area."

They leaped through the treetops as fast as the wet conditions would allow. She glanced once at her stinging hands, and saw that they were bleeding where the skin had torn off. She also noticed that Deidara was trying somewhat unsuccessfully to cover a limp, and she guessed that his landing had been rough as well. It could have been a lot worse, she supposed, as far as crash landings at breakneck speed in hazardous weather conditions went.

She followed his lead, zigzagging and erratically changing direction, sometimes running through the trees, sometimes on the ground. He was far more used to this kind of scenario, and much better at losing pursuers than she was. It was a good thing they'd been travelling leisurely all day, otherwise they may not have enough chakra to outrun the enemy. They were only a few miles from the Fire border, and she knew that was where they were heading. ANBU were a territorial bunch, and their pursuers would be reluctant to cross over and risk running into any Leaf ANBU on patrol.

Several shuriken came flying at her from the left. Sakura avoided them by flinging herself onto the opposite tree. The enemy nins appeared a moment later on the branches above them. They appeared to have split up; there were only two of them. Those were manageable odds. Sakura crouched low on her branch, ready to spring away with the slightest movement from the other two.

Then Deidara suddenly flew at one of the nins from out of nowhere, surprising Sakura as well as the two ANBU. He was faster than even _she_ was aware of if he'd pulled back and gotten behind them already. He tackled the other nin and they began to grapple back and forth. The second leapt for Sakura, and she jumped down to ground level as more shuriken embedded in the branch she'd vacated. He came at her again, armed with his sword, forcing her to evade in a series of dodges and leaps. He deflected her kunai throw with his blade, but it distracted him long enough for Sakura to stomp her heel into the earth and create a rift that threw him off balance. She rushed him in that moment, throwing herself inside his reach to drive the heel of her palm into his sternum. The enemy nin flew backward and hit the nearest tree hard enough to crack the trunk, fell to the ground in a heap and didn't get up again.

She looked for Deidara and her eyes widened in alarm, for as she spotted the two fighting shinobi, the ANBU slipped on a patch of rain-slick moss and lost balance. He fell from the branch, but at the last second grabbed Deidara's cloak and pulled him off too. They fell several feet and hit the ground hard. Fortunately Deidara managed to maneuver in midair so that the other nin took the brunt of the fall, though Sakura could clearly see the pained grimace on her partner's face, and knew his landing hadn't been entirely smooth.

Deidara stood slowly and stiffly, still a little shaken from the hard fall. Sakura approached him and saw that a kunai protruded from the ANBU's chest, and he didn't appear to be breathing. Either Deidara had stabbed him while still on the branch, possibly being what caused the slip, or he had managed to do it during the fall.

"Did you see how many of them followed us into the woods?" he asked her.

"I saw seven, which means there's at least five more still after us," she replied, glancing around for any sign of movement.

"We have to keep moving," he said, already turning to go.

"It'll be tricky, but we can take five of them..." she began.

He gave her a long, highly disgruntled look. "We can't fight. My shoulder's dislocated."

Sakura frowned in concern. "The fall?"

Deidara nodded.

"Here, let me see…" she said, already moving forward.

"Not now," he said curtly, grabbing her wrist with his other hand as she reached for his injured shoulder.

She backed off, still frowning, but nodded in acceptance and they took off running again.

A few minutes later they felt the presence of their remaining pursuers. It seemed they had regrouped, and all five were now closing in. They caught sight of a small river about fifty yards ahead, and when they reached it Deidara jumped down from the trees and began to run downstream atop the water's surface. Sakura followed, knowing he was trying to eliminate their trail entirely. The river was picking up speed, and she heard the loud rushing of a waterfall in the distance. As they reached the vertical drop Deidara jumped to the bank and began to hop down the side of the cliff, and she quickly followed him. It was easier said than done, with Sakura's scraped and bleeding hands and Deidara's use of only one arm, but they managed it without incident. She thought they would keep running, but instead Deidara motioned for her to come closer.

"There's a cleft behind the waterfall where we can hide, yeah."

"How do you know that?"

"I've been here once before." Without explaining further, he started making his way across the slippery boulders. The small cleft funneled inward and became very narrow the further they went. By the time they had passed under the edge of the falls and shuffled their way to the back about fifty feet in, they were completely soaked. But that wasn't Sakura's biggest concern at the moment. The most pressing thing on her mind right now was that the constricted space forced her right up against Deidara, and that there were less than four inches of moving space between their bodies.

She looked up and met Deidara's gaze. His face was much closer to hers than she was entirely comfortable with. In fact, _every_ part of him was much closer than she was comfortable with. But it couldn't be helped, and she tried to push thoughts of his proximity and how she could feel his body heat even through the wet layers of their clothing from her mind. "Do you think we'll actually lose them this way?" she asked, just loud enough to be heard over the rock-muted rushing of the falls.

He nodded, causing water to drip from the ends of his long hair. "They'll lose our tracks at the river, but they'll think we crossed because Fire is that way. We're so close to the border that if they can't find our trail they'll assume we already went over and give up. All we have to do is wait a half hour or so, and by then we can use the oncoming darkness as cover, yeah."

Sakura gave him a small, amused smile. "You're really good at this kind of thing."

He smirked at her. "I've been a missing-nin for almost ten years; I know how to lose a few ANBU by now. Besides, they weren't even hunter-nin, just a regular platoon."

"Still, I'm impressed," she said, looking a little sheepish. "If I'd been alone I'm sure they'd be hog-tying me and dragging me away for torture by now."

He shook his head a little. "You could have lost them on your own. You don't give yourself enough credit."

Sakura was glad the shadows hid most of the color in her cheeks. She squirmed uncomfortably as a trickle of cold water dripped from the rock above and ran down her spine, but her shifting caused her chest to brush against Deidara's, and her blush deepened as she felt him still. "You were limping earlier, did you hurt your leg?" she asked quietly, not looking up at him.

"It's nothing. I think I just bruised my kneecap. It barely hurts anymore."

She nodded faintly. "About your shoulder…I can reset it now, and do the rest with chakra once we're in the clear."

He gave her a skeptical look. "Okay, but how? If you haven't noticed it's a little cramped in here."

"Um…" Sakura hesitated, thinking how to go about it, and then inched forward until she was right up against him. "Here…" She slipped her left arm around his back and pressed her palm flat against his shoulder blade, purposely thinking only of the mechanics, and blocking out the fact that she heard his breath hitch a little and felt his body tense in a way that had nothing to do with pain, or that her breasts were smooshed intimately against his ribcage. She brought her right hand up to press steadily against the hollow of his shoulder. "Ready?"

"Mm," he murmured, closing his eyes in preparation.

"Deep breath," she instructed. He did, and she did as well, readying pressure behind her hands. "Now exhale…" She simultaneously pulled with her left hand and pushed hard with her right, and with a loud _crack_ and a grunt of pain from Deidara, his shoulder popped back into place.

Deidara sighed in relief, the sharp stabbing pain already dying down to a dull ache. He relaxed against the rock wall, cracking his eyes open to see the top of her drenched pink hair. "Thanks," he said quietly.

Sakura remained pressed against him and began to firmly but gently rub the muscles around the shoulder blade. It would be more effective if she could get behind him, or if she had access to his bare skin, but both were impossible, and the second was probably a very bad idea.

"Everything feel okay?" His only reply was a short mumble she took to mean 'yes.' "The surrounding area will tense and knot if I don't loosen it up, and then it will hurt almost as bad as before," she explained, feeling like she should keep talking, otherwise things may start to feel a little too intimate. She wondered suddenly if this – their proximity and the way she was touching him – even if it was _mostly_ professional, might be getting to him. It was certainly getting to her.

Then she caught his scent as she leaned in a little closer to reach the muscles near his spine, and her fingers paused as she suddenly felt a little fuzzy and flustered. He smelled the way all shinobi did; of leather and metal and outdoors. Being a shinobi herself, and having grown up around it, it was comforting and appealing. But there was something else there too, something uniquely _him_, only detectable up close like this; the faintest hint of smoke and clay along with his natural scent, the combination warm and earthy like the wind in summer. It was intoxicating, and she closed her eyes and stilled against him for just a moment.

Her eyes flew open again as she realized what she was doing. _No no no no bad idea! _She backed away as nonchalantly as possible, or would have if there were more than a few inches to back up in. She dropped her arms to her sides and willed herself to look up at him. His azure eyes were unreadable, and she wondered if he'd noticed her little lapse in composure. "Better?" she asked, keeping her tone light.

Deidara nodded, regarding her with a clouded expression. Sakura looked away first, feigning casual as she stared at the water dripping down the rock.

"You're bleeding," Deidara said suddenly.

Sakura followed his gaze to the front of his cloak, where a darker stain of moisture seeped into the fabric in the place where she'd pushed against him.

Without waiting for a reply, he reached down and grabbed her hand, turning it palm up. Sakura winced as he lifted her hand between them. He gingerly ran the pad of his thumb across her palm, taking care to avoid the welts and opened skin. "What happened?" he asked, frowning a little.

"I scraped them on the bark of the tree when we crashed, and I think I made it worse when we climbed down here," she explained, trying to ignore the tiny currents running through her as his thumb continued to brush over her skin. "They're fine, it's only superficial…I'll fix them later."

Their eyes met, and it was clear they were both fully aware that he was holding her hand longer than necessary, even if he'd stopped tracing her palm with his thumb. Something flickered in his eyes and he released her, and a moment later they both looked elsewhere a little self-consciously.

A long minute passed before Deidara finally said something, just to break the awkward silence. "It's probably safe to head out now. Once we're over the border we'll take flight as soon as it clears up, yeah."

"Sounds good," Sakura replied, using the same deliberately casual tone.

He motioned for her to go first, and with that, they made their way out of the cleft and back to the riverbank, then turned and ran full-speed for the border.

#

The rain finally ceased after twenty minutes of travelling through northwestern Fire, in the direction of Waterfall. They agreed the less distance they had to travel into Fire the better, and only stopped once so that Sakura could tend to her hands and finish up Deidara's shoulder. Once they reached the edge of the forest and emerged into an open valley they stopped again, and Deidara began molding clay for their transport.

Just as he finished and enlarged his creation, there was another pulse of chakra, coming from the forest, approaching fast.

"Fuck, not again," he growled, more annoyed than concerned now that they had an immediate escape option. He turned to Sakura, "Even if it's only one, I don't want to deal with it. Let's go."

But Sakura didn't move. She stood rooted to the spot, eyes wide with both panic and longing, because she _knew_ that chakra signature, almost as well as she knew her own. Before she could even try to figure out what to do, he was there, jumping from the trees and skidding to a stop not twenty feet away.

"Naruto…" she whispered, her constricting throat making it impossible to speak louder.

He stared at her with an expression conveying his disbelief, hurt and anger all at once. "Sakura…" he murmured, just loud enough to be heard across the distance between them. "I knew it was you."

Sakura inwardly cringed at the guarded, clipped tone of his voice. She didn't know what to do. She hadn't expected to see him again until her mission was over and she could tell him the truth. And Deidara was standing right there, watching everything. There was nothing she could say.

"I didn't believe them," he said, voice low and carefully controlled. "When they told me…I didn't want to believe it, that you did what they said you did…"

"Naruto…"

He shook his head. "I told everyone they were wrong…that you would never help an Akatsuki. I said I would prove you were innocent and bring you back. I believed in you. But now…here you are, with _that guy_, wearing _that cloak_. Gods, I'm such an idiot sometimes." He gave a short, choked laugh, ran a hand through his hair. His eyes glistened with unshed tears. "How could you, Sakura? How could you _join_ Akatsuki? They want to kill me!"

The anguish in his voice nearly broke her, but Sakura willed herself to stay strong. "Naruto…there are a lot of things you don't understand. Please—"

"I don't know what you're doing, but it doesn't have to be this way! We can fix this! Me and Kakashi and Sai…we love you Sakura-chan. Let us help you!" he pleaded, taking a step toward her.

Deidara tensed, one hand hovering over his clay pouch as he glared at the other man, but relaxed when he made no further movement. When he saw who their surprise visitor was, his first reaction was excitement, at the idea of fighting Uzumaki Naruto again, and of snatching Itachi's assignment right out from under him. But confusion set in as he watched the exchange between his partner and the jinchuuriki. He was so baffled by what he was seeing that he wasn't even eager to fight anymore. Right now he just wanted to know what the hell was going on.

Sakura closed her eyes, unable to stop the tears from spilling over. "It's too late for that," she said very quietly.

"No it isn't," Naruto argued. "Tsunade feels terrible about what happened. I can see it every time your name is mentioned. We can work something out, I promise! I've always kept my promises to you, haven't I?"

She choked back a sob, hands fisting tightly in the long sleeves of her cloak. "Naruto, don't…"

"Kakashi and Sai are nearby; we can take this asshole out and return to Konoha!" he urged, casting a brief glare at Deidara.

Both Akatsuki members tensed again, for different reasons.

"Sakura…let's go," Deidara said with muted urgency, scanning the tree line for any sign of movement. It would be a problem if the Copy Ninja and the ink artist showed up, because he had a sneaking suspicion Sakura wouldn't be able to fight them.

"I _can't_," Sakura said shakily, her composure cracking. "What's done is done. I can't go back. Please understand that."

Naruto took another step forward, reaching out to her, his own cheeks wet with tears, his voice breaking as he said, "We can't just give up on you! Sakura-chan please…please come home."

Sakura couldn't take much more of this. She couldn't handle that look on his face, or listen to his pleading. They needed to go. If Kakashi and Sai showed up everything would fall apart, and Deidara would be in danger as well. Mustering every ounce of resolve she could find, she slowly walked toward Naruto.

Her movement surprised both men; Naruto's eyes widened with a glimmer of hope, Deidara's in slight alarm and uncertainty. But Sakura kept her eyes down, on the ground in front of her, unable to look at either of them.

When she stood directly before Naruto she finally willed herself to look up at him. His blue eyes were bright with tears and relief, thinking she had agreed to his request. Closing her eyes as more anguished tears spilled forth, she moved forward and drew him into a tight embrace. He was surprised at first, but almost immediately wrapped his arms around her. Sakura nearly faltered, allowing a long moment to pass as she hugged him desperately. Then her hand slipped to the back of his neck.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered miserably. "Please forget about me."

With a tiny pulse of chakra to the base of his skull, his head dropped onto her shoulder and he went limp in her arms, unconscious. Sakura supported his weight and lifted him over her shoulder, then walked just under the cover of the trees and gently set him down with his back against a trunk. Her teammates would find him soon. She ran her fingers through his spiky hair and leaned down to place a soft kiss on the top of his head. "Forgive me, Naruto…someday you'll understand," she whispered, and then turned away.

Deidara had followed a few steps behind, a look of incredulity on his face. His bewilderment only increased when Sakura turned away from the unconscious shinobi and began to weep quietly, her hands covering her mouth. She looked up as he reached her, and the look of heartbroken sorrow she gave him stopped him in his tracks and stole away anything he was thinking of saying.

"Deidara…I know what's expected of us…but I—" She cut off, her voice breaking.

Deidara knew what would be expected of them in this situation as well, and he knew just as clearly that Sakura couldn't do it, and would probably try to stop him if _he_ did. And strangely, after what he'd just witnessed, seeing the state Sakura was in now, he didn't really feel like doing what was expected either. They were both tired and stressed from their ordeal in Grass, and Sakura looked like she was about to lose it completely.

"Let's just go, before anyone else shows up," he sighed, bringing a hand to her shoulder to turn her toward their waiting transport.

Sakura nodded and gave a small sigh of relief. She glanced a final time at her dearest friend, and then let Deidara guide her away.

#

They stopped for the night in small village in eastern Bird country, and when they checked into a modest room, Sakura went straight for the shower and didn't come out for a long time. Deidara let her be, even though what happened had raised a lot of questions in his mind. She hadn't said a word since they'd left her former teammate in the forest, and when she came out of the bathroom she went to lay down on one of the two single beds without even looking at him.

When Deidara emerged from his own shower a while later she was still curled up on the bed, wide awake and looking so forlorn that he couldn't even bring himself to bitch about her using most of the hot water. He walked over and sat at the edge of her bed, watching her with a slight frown. She still didn't look at him, but she curled her knees a little closer to her chest to give him more room.

"Sakura…" he began quietly, unsure how exactly to say what he was thinking, "I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I have to ask…"

Her eyes slowly travelled up to his face, though her expression remained dull and listless.

"What happened back there today?" She didn't answer. He sighed and tried again, "Uzumaki Naruto…he's the friend you told me about, isn't he? The one you missed so much?"

Sakura closed her eyes, moisture pooling beneath her lashes as she gave a small nod in response.

"Then why did you join Akatsuki, when your best friend is a jinchuuriki? It makes no sense."

She didn't reply immediately, her eyes still closed against her emotions. "I had no choice," she said finally, giving as much of the truth as she could. "You said it yourself; I would have been killed if I refused. I don't want to die…but I can't go through with killing my best friend either…"

"Then what are you going to do…when that time comes?" He didn't understand how she could get herself into this predicament, but he felt bad for her all the same.

"I don't know…" she murmured brokenly, more tears streaming down her cheeks and onto her pillow. "I really don't know…"

Deidara felt a sudden urge to reach for her, to try and comfort her even if it wouldn't really help. But the foreign thoughts startled him, so he didn't act on the impulse. Instead he left her alone and went to sit on his own bed, not really knowing what else to say, troubled in ways he couldn't define. Part of him felt bad for her and wanted to help her, and part of him felt a lingering unease. If anyone in Akatsuki learned they let a practically effortless opportunity to capture the kyuubi jinchuuriki slip by, that they had purposely _not_ taken him, they would both be in serious trouble. He understood Sakura's reasons, but wasn't quite sure of his own, though he knew that it probably had a lot to do with her. And though he couldn't really put his finger on it, he suspected she wasn't being entirely honest about the whole situation.

He had no intention of telling anyone about what happened today, but he couldn't help but wonder, if something like this happened again, would he look the other way next time? Would he help her keep her friend away from the fate their organization had planned for him? The only way to do so would be to defy orders and go against Akatsuki, putting himself at risk. Was he willing to do that, for her? What was she to him, exactly, to make him even ask himself such questions?

After a while Deidara turned off the light and got into bed, noticing just before he did that Sakura's eyes were still open and staring blankly ahead of her. Neither of them spoke again, but each knew that the other remained awake long into the night.


	10. Drowning is Like This

**Vertigo**

Chapter Ten: Drowning is Like This

* * *

The port city of Fuzen was a veritable holy land for the wicked. A haven of organized crime, and a bankable refuge for rogue shinobi looking to disappear or find and endless source of jobs. The surrounding territory was ungoverned, and therefore had no official law enforcement. In Fuzen, the crime lords and shipping magnates – usually one in the same – were the law, and the shinobi they employed to do their dirty work could, and _did_, get away with just about anything. Consequently, this crowded little trading port had the highest crime rate in the known lands.

The name alone told of the city's nature. "Vice"…a city of sin, where anything and everything could be had with the right influence or for the right price, from information, to common illegal pleasures, to more…exotic indulgences.

Based on that knowledge, and on the plethora of very _interesting_ things they'd seen as they made their way through the bustling town, it wasn't much of a surprise to Sakura when the location specified in the letter turned out to be an opium den and brothel. The burly, unfriendly-looking man at the door took one look at their cloaks and led them inside. He informed them he would go retrieve their host, and then left them standing in the middle of a scene of decadence and utter debauchery.

Sakura had been in her share of shady establishments and this wasn't the first time she'd been inside a place like this, but she'd never seen one so lavish. The main floor was a luxuriously furnished lounge furnished with richly upholstered settees and floor cushions centered around low tables littered with various drug paraphernalia. A long bar stretched across the back of the room. Exotic floor rugs, silk screens and ornate lampions added to the atmosphere of opulence. Scantily clad women moved through the room with serving trays bearing drinks and more illicit items, patrons lounged about in various states of intoxication, and more girls could be seen dancing around the room and on raised platforms in the corners, some of which wore nothing but flashy jewelry and a scrap of thong. The place reeked of heady incense and mixtures of smoke. It was a place only the wealthy could afford to patronize, and the customers lounging about were indeed very well dressed. The girls were of the highest sort, for hookers anyway. They were all attractive and well kept, at least from a distance and under dim lighting. What little clothing they wore was made of fine material. It was clear they were expensive.

Sakura cast a glance at her partner. Deidara seemed unimpressed with their surroundings, as if he'd seen it all before. He'd probably seen much worse.

A woman came up to them at one point and asked if they needed to be "taken care of." She wore a short satin robe that was belted loosely and clearly showed she wore nothing underneath, and she smelled like she was wearing more perfume this minute than Sakura had worn in her entire life. Deidara ignored her completely, but Sakura turned her away by stating they were there on business.

A few minutes later their host arrived, entering from a darkened hallway with another burly guard. Yakushiji Saito was a man of medium stature, with a face that was neither handsome nor ugly. His dark hair was pulled into a sleek ponytail, his suit was expensively tailored, and he accessorized with several pieces of gold jewelry on his neck, fingers, and even his ears. Everything about him said 'high-class slimeball.'

"Welcome, welcome!" he said cheerfully, arms held wide in greeting as he approached them. "I'm honored you accepted my invitation. I am Yakushiji Saito, owner of this and many other fine establishments here in Fuzen." He held his hand out to Deidara.

"Deidara." His eyes flicked down to the man's outstretched hand. "I don't shake hands."

Saito withdrew his hand somewhat awkwardly, but rather than offer it to Sakura next, he dropped it to his side. Her eyes narrowed. This guy owned a _brothel_; of course he was a sexist pig. She cleared her throat a sharply and held her hand out with a falsely sweet smile. "I'm Sakura." He blinked, and then smiled widely, as if just realizing that yes, she too was wearing an Akatsuki cloak and was one of his guests. He reached out and shook her hand, and Sakura squeezed much harder than necessary, smiling as his knuckles cracked and he winced. That should teach him not to brush her off.

"Pleasure to meet you both," he said, withdrawing his hand just a little too quickly to be casual. "Let me show you to somewhere more private in order to discuss business."

He led them to the back of the establishment, into what looked more like a VIP room than an office, with leather sofas and more opulent décor. Another guard was stationed outside the door, and the one with Yakushiji followed them in and stood off to the side. There was 'entertainment' in here too; two topless women dancing together around a pole in front of where they were seated. By the look of it, both of them were so high on whatever drug they'd been pumped full of they wouldn't pay any attention to what the three of them said anyway.

"This is your office?" Sakura said skeptically, and with some disdain, as she tried to angle herself on the sofa so the girls weren't in view.

"This is where I do business with my most important clients, and I do hope that we can come to an arrangement that will be mutually beneficial," their host replied, and his wide smile did nothing to hide the ambition in his eyes.

"Of course you do," Deidara said flatly.

Out of the corner of her eye, Sakura saw the two women on the platform start to make out with each other as they danced. Whether they were doing it because they wanted to or for entertainment value wasn't clear, but when they started to feel each other up she turned back to their host indignantly.

Yakushiji took no notice of it, but it pleased Sakura to see Deidara look at the women the same way he'd looked at the doped-up patrons in the main lounge; with noticeable distaste. In fact, he rolled his eyes when he saw what they were doing. Apparently girls like that weren't his type. She didn't want to explore why such a thing mattered to her.

Sakura frowned at their host. "Yakushiji—"

"Please, call me Saito," he interjected with another sleazy smile.

"Saito. Is _this_," she gestured at the intoxicated women, "really necessary?"

He looked to the platform, and grinned. "Ah. Yes, my lovely ladies can be somewhat distracting."

"They're annoying," Deidara corrected, his tone wiping the smile from the other man's face. "We're not your clients and we're not here to be entertained by you. We're here to determine whether or not to let you keep running your own operation instead of taking it from you like we've already started taking from the other syndicates in this city. So maybe you should drop the small talk and tell us why we should, yeah."

Sobering, Saito snapped his fingers at the girls, who stopped their performance and looked at him hazily, then clambered down from the platform and exited the room. "My apologies," he said, reclining back against the sofa and folding his hands in his lap. He then proceeded to tell them of his criminal empire, of all of his businesses and their profits. It seemed he dabbled in a little of everything that this city had to offer, and held a lot of influence among his peers. Of course he could be exaggerating, but that's what they were there to find out.

"Alright," Sakura said when he'd finished, "Over the next several weeks we will be assessing all of your holdings and enterprises here in the city. Also, we expect to see some documentation from you: proof that you're as successful as you say you are. We're not here to make deals with smalltime crooks, so you need to show us that you're worth our interest. And when we have meetings, for any reason, it will be in your _actual_ office from now on. No more of _this_ nonsense." She waved a hand at the room.

"Of course. Sakura, wasn't it?" His dark eyes glinted as he smiled widely. "Such a fitting name, and what an exquisite beauty, I might add. So exotic. Is that your natural hair?"

Sakura glared, eyes narrowing in a way anyone who knew her would be wary of.

Saito didn't seem to notice. "A woman like you could have whatever she wants. How is it that you ended up a ninja, of all things?"

"Because it's what I wanted to be," she said tersely. "Now if you have nothing else of business relevance to discuss with us…we've been traveling all day."

He got the hint, and nodded. "Of course, of course. Arrangements have already been made for your stay." He stood, and they did as well. "As my most important guests, please help yourself to anything I can provide, here or at any of my clubs or casinos—food, liquor, girls…" He winked at Sakura. "For you as well, if you're into that sort of thing."

He received no answer, only flat stares from the two shinobi.

After a slightly strained pause he cleared his throat and continued. "Right. I'll have my lawyers pull up the paperwork you asked for. In the meantime, please enjoy yourselves. My man will show you to your quarters." He gestured to the burly guard near the door.

The second floor of the building was the brothel, and as they climbed the stairs Sakura got a peek down the hallway and saw several more half-naked women lounging outside their doors, illuminated in a reddish glow from the hanging lanterns. Many of the doors were closed, and she thought she could hear some peculiar noises emanating from behind them. She groaned inwardly and ascended the next flight.

The third floor was technically also part of the brothel, their escort explained gruffly, but it was only used for VIPs and 'high rollers,' as he put it, and the beds were replaced for each new visitor. Sakura was still rather revolted by the entire concept, and not exactly pleased that they would be staying in such a depraved place for who knew how long until their job was done.

The guard led them to the end of the hall – thankfully clear of loitering prostitutes – and gave them each a set of keys before turning and going back the way they'd come. Only when he was gone did they notice that both of their keys had the same room number, fourteen, engraved on the wooden tag. They exchanged a weary look of understanding. But they shared rooms all the time, so it wasn't really a big deal to either of them. That was, until Deidara opened the door and the two of them stepped inside.

"What the fuckis this?" Sakura blurted indignantly, eyes darting around the richly furnished room in outrage.

Sharing a room was fine. Sharing a _bed_…not so much.

They both stared dumbly at the huge four-poster with fancily carved head and footboards and bedding of a deep sapphire color. It was quite nice, actually, and big enough to sleep three or four. But that was beside the point!

Deidara sighed irritably beside her, and Sakura crossed her arms in a huff. "This is _not_ okay. If we were both men Saito wouldn't have pulled this shit. I mean _when_, at _any_ point, did either of us give the impression that sharing a bed would be acceptable?"

"A man like Saito probably can't fathom the idea of a man and a woman being partners and not _also_ being fuck-buddies," Deidara ventured, still looking around the room.

Sakura felt her cheeks warm a little at his words, and was glad he wasn't looking at her. "Well, I'm going to go have a little talk with our gracious host right now, because this is unaccep—"

"It's fine, yeah."

Sakura stopped midstride, her head whipping around in surprise. "Wha?" she managed, gaping at him blankly.

Deidara shrugged a little, glancing at her briefly before awkwardly looking elsewhere. "I mean, it's not that big a deal. The bed's huge…and it's not like it's the first time," he muttered, finally meeting her wide eyed stare.

Sakura swallowed slowly, self-conscious and nervous for reasons she didn't want to think about. "Well, yeah, but…"

"Anyway, if I had my own room, those skanky girls would be hounding me day and night. Did you see the way they were looking at me? It's like I had a sign over my head saying 'fresh meat,'" he added, managing to look both uncomfortable and smug at the same time.

Sakura was amused by his consternation, and also inwardly pleased that he didn't _want_ the attention, even if the idea of it did boost his ego. "I suppose…"

He smirked deviously at her. "A few of them were looking at _you_ too, yeah."

She gave a short laugh and rolled her eyes, "Oh dear, how will I ever manage to resist them. Are you sure you're okay with this?" she asked, biting her lip uncertainly.

"I think we'll live through it." He grinned at her, eyes glinting mischievously, "I trust you to keep your hands to yourself."

She gave him a mock glare, but refused to retort lest the conversation head down a different path. The thought of sharing a bed with Deidara wasn't unappealing, and that's what had her worried. But the bed was massive. It would be almost like he wasn't even there, right?

"Right," she said, mostly to herself. "I can deal if you can."

Sakura didn't know if she believed her own words, and hoped they could make it through this without anything weird happening. She sighed heavily and dropped her pack on the bed, staring at the satin sheets with a frown.

It was going to be a long mission.

* * *

_When she enters the room he's already there, leaning against the bedpost with arms crossed like he's been waiting for her. He's not wearing a shirt, and his crossed arms push his muscles together, defining them more than usual, and she purposefully directs her gaze upward, to his face. She's about to ask him what's going on, but the look in his piercing blue eyes stops her. _

_The next thing she knows he's moving, and she's moving as well because he's grabbed her around the waist, fingers splaying just below her ribcage as he turns her around with him, and she grasps his shoulders as her back presses into the bedpost where he'd just been leaning. The carved wood digs into her spine but she doesn't care because his face is buried in the juncture of her neck and shoulder. She gasps and winds her fingers into his hair when his lips press to her neck._

"_Dei—nnh." Her eyes snap closed when she feels his tongue against the sensitive skin of her throat, and she bites her lip, coherent thought escaping on the wind, when his teeth close over her tendon. "Wha—"_

"_Sakura," he rasps against her skin, making her shiver and pull tighter on his hair. He likes it, because he growls something unintelligible and pushes her harder against the bedpost, one hand pressing into the small of her back, the other trailing up her side to thread into her hair. _

_And then his lips are on hers, not asking but taking, claiming as if he has every right, as if he's the only man allowed to kiss her…and some deeper part of her whispers that yes, in fact, he _is_… because no one else has ever made her feel like this with only a kiss, even though he's only kissed her once before. She makes a soft sound in the back of her throat as her lips part and grant him access, which he takes greedily, his tongue curling around hers in a way that leaves her breathless and weak-kneed. _

"_I've wanted to kiss you for so long," he murmurs against her lips, as if unwilling to part from her even to speak. "I've wanted to touch you like this, to taste you and feel you against me." He forms his words between kisses as he marks an open-mouthed trail down her neck. "You have no idea how _bad_, Sakura, how many times I've wanted to just throw you against the nearest wall and fuck you senseless." _

_Heat spreads through her limbs and pools in her belly, and she clings to him wantonly. Her short nails scrape over his shoulder blades, feeling his muscles ripple under her fingers. His hands find their way under her shirt, lightly callused fingers grazing over her abdomen and up her sides, giving her erotic chills. _

"_Do you want me to?" he asks, lifting his head to meet her gaze, lips curling in that sexy smirk. _

_She nods breathlessly before her head falls forward, her lips and tongue beginning to trace the smooth ridge of his collarbone. _

"_Say it," he whispers against the shell of her ear, before pulling the lobe between his teeth._

"_I want you," she whimpers, arching into him, willing him to touch her in other places, to take that next step._

_He pushes his hips against hers, teasing her. "_What_ do you want?"_

_She bites her lip at the sharp stab of pleasure his action brings. When she can speak again it's barely a whisper, "I want you to fuck me. _Now_."_

_She feels him smile against her skin, and he half growls, half chuckles in way that's primal and full of promise. Then he is lifting her, tossing her onto the bed, immediately following and hovering over her, long blond hair cascading over his shoulders and tickling her chest. She arches upward eagerly, wrapping her thighs around his hips, pulling him against her. A soft moan escapes her as he grinds his hips into hers, his arousal hard and straining against her. He unzips her shirt and unclasps her bra, and she shrugs out of them both hurriedly, eager for the feel of skin on skin. The backs of his fingers glide across her bare breast, and his thumb rubs her nipple roughly before he rolls the tightened bud between his fingers. She moans breathily as he lowers his head to close his mouth around the sensitive flesh, his tongue teasing her into a panting state within seconds. Her nails drag up his back and her fingers twist in his hair. His hand trails down her stomach, the mouth there nibbling and licking a southward trail. She moans in anticipation as his fingers ghost beneath the edge of her shorts, beneath her panties, inching slowly downward…_

Sakura's eyes flew open, a small gasp escaping her lips. She was slightly short of breath and her skin felt hot and flushed. She was also very aroused; she could feel a warm tingling and throbbing between her thighs, as well as a slight wetness. _What the hell was that? _She did _not_ just have a sexual fantasy about Deidara! A…a wet dream! And it had been so vivid too, so detailed. She could still feel his phantom touch, his hot breath against her skin. Her mind had obviously spent way too much time subliminally cultivating this little problem.

"Oh gods," she whimpered to herself. She recalled the raunchy things she said in her dream-fantasy, things she'd never said before and probably never _would_ say outside of her own head, and rolled over with a mortified groan, shoving her face into her pillow. And the things he'd said to _her_…just thinking about it made her all warm and tingly again. Damn it, this was the last thing she needed! And she'd thought she was doing so well, too! Almost a week of sleeping next to each other, and there had been no incidents, no weirdness, nothing at all that would cause her to have a dream like this. But the fact that there was no trigger for it, that it was something already buried in her subconscious, made things even worse.

"Finally awake?"

She turned her head in the direction of Deidara's amused voice, and mentally cringed when she saw him in the bathroom doorway. _Shirtless_. He was braced against the frame with one arm above his head, smirking at her in that infuriatingly sexy way, his damp hair loose and falling over his shoulders. It took all of her willpower in that moment to keep her eyes trained on his face. There were a few traces of white foam on his jaw and neck. He'd been shaving before she woke up.

"We're you having a bad dream or something? You were tossing and turning a lot, yeah."

"I don't remember," she lied, hoping for all she was worth that he didn't notice her flushed state. She'd never been more relieved to be female, that there was no embarrassing physical evidence of her naughty dream. She also thanked whatever gods were listening that she hadn't moaned aloud or said anything embarrassing in her sleep, like _his name_.

"Why were you sleeping anyway?"

"I guess I'm still not completely adjusted to the new schedule." They had adopted an almost entirely nocturnal lifestyle since coming here, because most of the underworld business dealings that Saito participated in happened in the middle of the night.

He nodded as he finger-combed a few strands of long, wet hair. Her eyes strayed lower, drawn by the way the muscles of his arm and shoulder flexed with each movement. They snapped back to his face when she caught herself, but she blushed and turned her eyes away when she saw that he'd been watching her the whole time.

"Leader contacted while you were asleep," he said after a moment, giving nothing away about whether he'd noticed her stare or what he thought of it if he had. "He wants us to carry out a side assignment, since it's here in the city."

Sakura nodded absently, still staring at a corner of her pillow. She'd been so engrossed in her perverted dream that she hadn't felt the summons to her ring. She _really_ needed to get a grip. "When?"

"He wants it done tonight, yeah."

His voice was more muffled than before, and she figured he'd turned back into the bathroom. "Okay." She cast a glance at the open bathroom door, and was presented with a view of Deidara's bare, smooth back, lean muscles flexing slightly as he resumed shaving. Images of the dream flashed in her mind again, and she turned her face into the pillow once more.

Then Deidara hissed lightly and something clattered into the sink. By the sound of it, he'd nicked himself and dropped the razor. "Fuck me," he grumbled under his breath.

Sakura groaned and squeezed her eyes shut. "Almost…" she mumbled mournfully into her pillow, wondering how the hell she was going to deal with this extremely inconvenient problem in the days ahead.

* * *

When they were both ready, they headed out. Deidara related the specifics of their side assignment on the way, but what he said stopped Sakura in her tracks in the middle of the busy street.

"Are you serious…?"

Deidara nodded somberly. "Since when is Leader _not_ serious about something?"

Sakura swallowed uncomfortably, eyes widened in confusion and slight panic. "But…we never do assassinations."

"I know, but we're already here. It doesn't make sense to send someone else."

"I guess it can't be helped," she muttered listlessly, folding her arms into her cloak sleeves as they started walking again. She'd formed a habit of walking on his right side so she could see his face when she talked to him, and now she glanced up at his profile. He didn't look happy about it either, though Sakura doubted he was as apprehensive as she was. "So what did this guy do to get on the hit list anyway?"

"Leader didn't give me all the details, but apparently the guy sold information about Akatsuki to Suna."

"And Suna hasn't put him under protection?"

"I don't know. I guess we're about to find out."

Sakura nodded slowly, frowning. This scenario wasn't unique to Akatsuki, so she couldn't even blame the organization for what they were about to do. It was pretty much standard procedure among all shinobi, allied and criminal alike, to eliminate turncoats and betrayers. Her own team leader was one of the most feared assassins in the five nations. But it wasn't something that _she_ had been part of before, and it didn't sit well with her. Also, if Sand _was_ protecting this guy, then they would have to go through his bodyguards to get to him. Suna was Konoha's ally, and she didn't want to have to fight them.

"There's something else," Deidara said hesitantly, slowing to a stop and facing her.

Sakura stopped as well, a sick feeling settling in her gut when she saw his expression. "What?"

He paused as a rickshaw clambered down the road past them, the driver's sandals flapping dully against the street as he ran. When the little jingling bells had faded to only a distant tinkle, he looked at her again.

"He wants you to do it."

A cold rush flooded her limbs. "…_Me?_"

He nodded, his brow pulling downward. "I asked him why, but he wouldn't tell me. He just said it had to be you."

"How will he even know which one of us does it?" she asked incredulously.

"Because we're going to leave witnesses."

Her eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"This guy hangs out almost every night at one of the most popular nightclubs in the city. We're to do it there, in front of everyone, to make an example of him and send the message that betraying Akatsuki is a bad idea. Don't worry; there's no law enforcement here, and anyone else is too scared of Akatsuki to interfere. People get killed all the time in this city anyway."

That wasn't what Sakura was concerned about, though just because murder was common in this place didn't mean it was okay. Were the people of Fuzen really that jaded? Yes, they probably were.

Deidara noticed the way she paled and nervously chewed her lip, and sighed. "I know this won't be easy for you, but I can't see any way around it. If I do it and Leader finds out, which he _will_, then…"

"I know," she said. He didn't need to complete that sentence. She already knew how unpleasant it would be to deal with Pein if they defied his orders. Her frown deepened. "Do you think he's testing me?"

Deidara gazed around the busy street with a thoughtful frown. "Probably," he said finally. "I'm sure he knows about the situation with Hidan and that kid by now. I think he wants to make sure your compassion isn't a problem."

Sakura didn't reply. They both knew he was right, and they both knew there was no other option. The uncomfortable feeling in her stomach tightened into a hardened knot. She had to do it. She _could not_ bring suspicion on herself. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, and then gave a resigned nod. "Let's get it over with, then," she said bleakly, and resumed walking.

* * *

The incident went smoothly, she supposed, as far as such things went. They walked to the nightclub in silence, and no one stopped them on their way in. They asked for the security at the door if their target was inside. He took one glance at their recognizable cloaks, pointed to the back, and then effectively looked the other way. They found the target in the VIP room; an average-looking man surrounded by an entourage, a provocatively dressed woman draped over each arm. He knew who they were and why there were there, but they repeated his offense for all to hear. The only guards with him were his own, and they made their choice and stayed in their seats rather than defend their boss against Akatsuki.

The fear in his eyes as he sat paralyzed in the booth brought images of that poor boy to Sakura's mind, and she knew she didn't have it in her to do it the ugly way; to plunge the kodachi concealed under her cloak into his chest or drag it across his throat, to feel the sick slide of sharpened steel through flesh. Not like this, not when removed from the heat and adrenaline of battle. Not when her own life wasn't at risk.

And so in the end she did it the way only _she_ could, moving silently behind his seat and sliding a hand over the back of his neck, just a quick flash of chakra through her fingertips to sever his spinal column. Instant. Painless. And then it was over, and they left as the chaos began—the women's screams and the men's alarmed clamoring as their eliminated target slumped headfirst against the table, knocking his drink over. Again no one moved to stop them, only wary and frightened stares followed after them as they walked right back through the front door and out into the night.

It was almost surreal, the way it went down, almost like how it was in the movies. Wasn't the lifestyle she'd immersed herself in precisely what those mobster movies were made about? But in this reality, the mobsters weren't at the top of the food chain. Akatsuki was. The mob was afraid of _them_. Sakura was part of that equation now, as much as any of the other members. Dozens of witnesses in a crowded nightclub who had seen her do it – outwardly appearing cold and ruthless – could testify to that.

But Sakura wasn't that cool and collected vixen on the movie screen who killed men on a whim while still looking impossibly gorgeous. Sakura was the girl who'd gotten in over her head, who had taken a job too big for her. The girl who was struggling to remain afloat in a sea of responsibility and duty, but was steadily being pulled down by the undertow. Sakura was the girl who now sat silently on a bed in a room in a seedy brothel, her brow against her drawn up knees, eyes closed tight, wondering how the hell she ended up like this.

She knew the facts and chain of events that led her here. What she didn't comprehend was_ how_. How she had evolved into someone who could stand by and watch a young boy be tortured and murdered, how she could kill a man who'd done nothing to her, simply because she was told to. She knew it was more complex than that—she was only following Akatsuki orders because of her mission. But _still_, when had she become a person who could even carry out a mission like this? Had it always been her fate, an inevitable part of being a ninja, no matter who she took orders from? Or had something changed inside of her, darkened, until she was capable of such things? True, it bothered her; she couldn't do it with an unmoved conscience. But nonetheless, she could still _do_ it now, when there used to be a time she could not have.

Some would say it meant she was a fully capable shinobi now, when before she'd been weak and inexperienced. But to Sakura, it felt like she was losing sight of who she really was. Or she was _discovering_ who she really was, and that scared her more than anything.

She felt Deidara move near her, his familiar presence brushing the edge of her senses, and a moment later the mattress dipped as he sat down and shifted to the center to settle beside her. He didn't speak, didn't ask if she was alright because he knew the answer. He was simply _there_, waiting, willing to listen if she wanted to talk. She wanted to hug him for that, wanted to cry on his shoulder, but too many things prevented her from doing so. But she allowed herself to lean against him, her side flush with his, her head lifting from her knees to fall against his shoulder.

"I've never had to kill someone in cold blood before," she said very quietly, eyes focused on nothing.

"I know," he replied softly.

Her brow creased in a frown. "He was a bad man. I know his type. I'm sure he'd done more than a few things in his life that he deserved to die for, but I still can't…_justify_ it like that. I've killed before, to protect my life, my friends, my beliefs...but I'm not the right person for things like this. I'm not an assassin…I can't—" She cut off with a heavy sigh, wrapping in her arms tighter around her knees.

A long moment of silence passed, and Deidara shifted a little, though not away from contact with her. "I know", he said again, his own expression troubled. "It gets easier, with time…though that in itself fucks you up inside."

She could hear in his voice that he spoke from experience. Of course. There had to have been a time when he was in her position, though it may not have been the same circumstance. It had to have happened to all of them—the ones who'd seen true war, the ones from the old way of doing things. They all must have questioned themselves, wondered when and how they'd become so jaded, so desensitized. Those shinobi of the old school would probably laugh at her, tell her _this was nothing_ compared to what they'd seen and done, to stop sniveling and _grow up_. Kakashi had warned her before she left, and now it was staring her in the face. She chose to be a shinobi, and it was far past time she acted like one.

"I feel like I don't know myself anymore," she murmured.

Deidara shifted again, this time to look down at her. "You're still the same girl I met all those years ago."

She met his gaze. "But not entirely."

He shook his head faintly. "No," he agreed, "But you're still a good person, Sakura, no matter how much you've changed. In fact, you're the best person I know." He gave her a small, reassuring smile.

She smiled back, and there was that urge to hug him again, to tell him how much his friendship meant to her. But she couldn't. It was dangerous, emotionally speaking…not to mention it would probably startle him or put him on edge, and then it would get weird between them. He wasn't used to such things. The parameters of their relationship – tenuous as they were – didn't allow for blatant displays of affection, platonic or otherwise. He wasn't Naruto.

Thinking about Naruto made her stomach twist up in knots and her eyes burn. Her head dropped to her knees again to hide the sudden surge of emotion. She'd been trying so hard not to think about that day near the Fire border two weeks ago. Poor Naruto. If he hadn't hated her before, he almost certainly did now, after the way she'd tricked him. Again.

Sakura suddenly hated this mission more than she'd ever hated anything before. It was destroying everything about her life that she cherished. It was consuming her from the inside out. Even more than she hated her mission, she hated the necessity for it. If not for Akatsuki, her best friend's life wouldn't be in danger. If not for Akatsuki, she wouldn't be a traitor to all of her friends and comrades. If not for Akatsuki, she could be at home in her village with the people she loved, and not here in this depraved city with its corrupt citizens, doing things she despised herself for in the name of higher duty.

"You know something?" She shifted so that she faced him, though she kept her gaze on the dark blue covers beneath them. "I hate this mission. I hate what we're doing here. I hate the reason we're here in the first place. I fucking hate all of it." She scowled angrily at nothing for a long moment. Then her features relaxed and she finally lifted her eyes to his, took a deep breath. "I hate being Akatsuki."

Deidara watched her silently. Her quiet but firm declaration had been a bold one. It proved she trusted him, to express her thoughts so openly, without knowing how he'd react to such treacherous words. But the truth, what she didn't really know, was that he agreed with her wholeheartedly. Like her, he'd been out in the world alone, trying to survive, and had gained Akatsuki's attention because he possessed a particular set of talents. Just like her, he was only here because he was forced to be. But the more he thought about what they were doing, on the whole as Akatsuki, as well as what was happening here and now, with Sakura, the more it didn't sit well with him. It seemed she felt much the same way he did, perhaps more so. She had trusted him and been honest with him. He should do the same with her. "So do I," he said quietly.

Her eyes widened slowly. She didn't speak; the expression on her face was question enough.

"I never wanted to join Akatsuki. Hell, I never even wanted to be a ninja in the first place. It just turns out it's the only thing besides art that I'm good at." He gave a short, mirthless laugh. "I was forced into Akatsuki with a lot less subtly than you were. I was blatantly _informed_ that I was the new member, and then tricked by Itachi so that I had no way out, unless I wanted to blow myself up.

"As far as Akatsuki's goal…I don't care about it. Actually, I completely disagree with it. Violence will never be _bred_ out of people like Leader thinks. His whole idea of purifying the world with fire and brimstone is ridiculous. Enforcing peace through fear? That's nothing more than subjugation and tyranny. It won't change anything. And you know me well enough by now to know that oppression of any kind doesn't fly with me, yeah."

Sakura nodded faintly in agreement, and he sighed before continuing. "But…I stay, because the only alternative is a pathetic existence of running and hiding until I'm hunted down and killed by hunter-nins or Akatsuki or somebody else. And like I said to you when you joined; it doesn't seem that bad on the surface. Sure, we get paid a lot and we can do pretty much whatever we want as long as we follow orders. But the problem is we don't have the option to refuse. We can't just throw in the towel and walk away from it if we decide we don't like it anymore." His expression darkened. "We're nothing but…dogs, with really long leashes."

"You're right. But…what you're saying is kind of true for _all_ shinobi, if you really think about it," she said.

"Would Konoha have made you kill that man tonight?" he asked pointedly. Her deepening frown was answer enough. "No, they would have sent someone more suited to the job. And when you get old, or tired, or just burnt out, you can retire…and go live in a little house in the country and grow tomatoes in your garden or whatever. Sounds boring as hell, but you know what I mean."

Sakura nodded. "I know what you mean, and I completely agree with you, about all of it."

Deidara gave a short laugh and shook his head. "Wow…I've never told anyone that before."

She smiled at him. "You can trust me, Deidara. I trust you, too."

"I know, or else I wouldn't have said as much as I did," he said, a playful lilt returning to his tone.

Sakura gazed at him thoughtfully, an inkling of an idea forming in her mind. "If you could…I mean, if the opportunity presented itself, and you found a way to get out…would you take it?" she asked quietly.

Deidara regarded her silently for a long moment. Then the corner of his lips pulled up in that familiar smirk. "I would. And I'd take you with me, yeah."

Her expression softened. "Really?"

"Of course. We're friends right?"

Those words affected her in ways she couldn't really define—warmth and affection, maybe a faint twinge of guilt, because there was still so much she couldn't tell him. Not yet, at least. But she smiled and leaned a little, bumping his arm with her shoulder. "Yeah. We are."

* * *

Sakura stared at her drink blandly, watching the ice melt as she stirred it with a tiny straw. It was called a Vice Grip; a local specialty, and an obvious pun on its city of origin. It certainly felt like a vice constricted her throat every time it went down. She hadn't seen what the bartender put in it, but it kicked like it contained at least six different kinds of hard liquor. It may taste like paint thinner, but at least it was doing a good job of eliminating her tension headache.

Tired and cranky after the long day – or rather, _night, _as it was nearing 4am – and with nothing better to do at the moment, she'd decided to take Saito up on his offer of a complimentary open tab. The establishment closed at six, and didn't open again until the next afternoon at four. Apparently even the wicked needed to rest. So at this late hour there were only one or two inebriated patrons lying around the opulently furnished lounge and the sickening smell of incense and opium wasn't as strong, making it tolerable to be in there.

Tonight she and Deidara had gone on separate tasks, to appraise two of Saito's different businesses. Her partner had gone to a warehouse complex on the docks, and Sakura had gone to one of the casinos uptown. One would imagine a night in a casino would be entertaining, or at least lively, but not in her case. No, she had spent the night in a windowless basement office, poring over stacks and stacks of financial records under harsh florescent lighting. She'd finished early, thankfully, but the tedious monotony of it had worn her down and zapped all of her energy.

She wondered if Deidara's night was any better than hers. What Saito didn't know was that once Deidara was finished with the appraisal of the warehouses, he was going to meet with another boss, to gather more information about their host and see about any other potential offers available to Akatsuki in this city. That could take a while, and he probably wouldn't return until after she'd gone to sleep. That was okay with her, because she could use a little time to herself to think.

Yesterday had been a very confusing and taxing day, mentally and emotionally. Not the least of which was that _dream_. That had been a purely sexual fantasy, something she couldn't remember ever having before. Yes, she'd fantasized about romantic scenarios with Sasuke when she was younger, but never anything so raunchy, not even when she'd been involved with him. So it was pretty obvious, to herself anyway, that she lusted after her partner. Who could blame her? Deidara was damn sexy, and she wasn't the only one who thought so, judging by the way the girls in this place drooled whenever he walked by and practically stalked him when she wasn't around.

Was it simply lust? That was a question she didn't want to answer. To make things worse, Sakura had a feeling that whatever it was, it ran both ways. She didn't know for a fact, because she was unwilling to test her theory, but she recognized the chemistry between them from day one, and she was pretty sure Deidara recognized it too. He had kissed her once, after all. True it was an impulsive thing done out of gratitude, but there had been real sparks there, and they both knew it.

Another question: what should she do about it? The logical answer was 'nothing.' Ignore it. Keep it professional. Get some distance if need be. But there was no way to do that when they had to share a room and a bed while on this assignment, and at the rate things were going, it could be another two or three months before they were finished here.

Sakura looked up from her ice-diluted drink as someone took the stool next to her, one of the house girls by the heady waft of perfume floating her way. She'd seen this woman around the place several times, but never with any of the men, unless it was conversation. Her long black hair was done in an elaborate traditional style, contrasting sharply with her pale skin and deep red lipstick. She wore a dark green silk yukata with gold embroidery that was belted in a way that exposed a large portion of her ample chest, along with a necklace of rubies that looked very real and dangled into her cleavage. She was older, around forty probably, with a few lines around her kohl-lined eyes and heavily painted mouth, and was a little thicker than the other girls. But Sakura could tell she had been beautiful once. Still was, in worn out sort of way, like an aged painting.

The woman studied her and took a drag from one end of long, thin cigarette holder in her hand, before smiling at her. "Sakura, isn't it?" she asked, her voice low and slightly raspy, no doubt from years of smoking.

Sakura just stared at her, mildly annoyed that her internalizing had been interrupted, and wondered what exactly this lady wanted. "Yes," she said finally.

The woman smiled again, wider this time, showing a flash of yellowed teeth. "I'm Mina. I take care of the girls here."

So it was as Sakura thought; this was the madam. Saito owned the building and made most of the profit, but this woman managed the brothel. She was surprised she hadn't met her before now, since they were using a room on the 'VIP' floor. Sakura didn't reply to her. She wasn't really in the mood to be nice or make small talk.

The madam wasn't fazed by her standoffishness. "You're a ninja, right?"

Sakura nodded wearily before taking another drink.

"So where's that gorgeous man you're here with?"

Sakura gave her a withering look. "Out."

Mina nodded perceptively. "Can't talk about it, huh? I understand; I get it all the time from Saito and the other bigwigs that come in here. Though I must say, I've never seen him fawn over anyone the way he does over you two. Whatever you're doing here must be very important to him."

Sakura pursed her lips wryly. Of course; it was only Saito's very livelihood that was at stake.

The madam waved her hand indifferently. "But enough about that. I've been meaning to ask you: is that sexy partner of yours as good in bed as he looks?"

Sakura choked on her very potent drink, the backwash into her nasal cavity burning bad enough to make her eyes water. "…the fuck?" she managed, frowning at the other woman.

Mina didn't miss a beat, "One of my girls said she saw he has _mouths_ on his hands… _Damn_, all the amazing things he could do to a woman with those…" She blew out sharply, her expression turning dreamy for a moment. "Good gods he's a like walking, talking fantasy! He must be a _fantastic_ lover," she said slyly, giving Sakura a saucy wink.

Sakura gaped at the older woman, who simply stared at her with a knowing smile and waited for an answer. Great. The exact topic she _didn't_ want to talk about. She cleared her throat irritably. "I wouldn't know."

"Oh? So you haven't fucked him?"

"_No._"

"Well what are you waiting for, girl? That's a fine piece of man you're sharing a room with!"

Sakura was a shocked by her crude audacity. "Not that it's any of your business, but it's not like that."

Mina snorted and took a drag from her cigarette. "Now _that's_ a load of bs if I ever heard it," she said, smoke curling out from her ruby lips in slow, thick tendrils.

Jade eyes narrowed. "_Excuse_ me?"

Mina laughed, a low, dry rustling in her throat. "Honey, you may have only been here a couple weeks, but the thing between you and him is as plain as day to someone who's been around the block as many times as I have." She watched the younger woman's expression, interpreted her wide-eyed confusion, and laughed again. "Shit. You're tellin' me that my girls have been so jealous of you they're turning green from it, and you don't even see what's right in front of those pretty eyes of yours?"

"What are you talking about?" Her voice came out much quieter and more hesitant than she intended.

"You wear that big, bulky cloak all the time – a shame too, because I know you just _have_ to have a gorgeous figure under there – and my girls walk about with next to nothing on, decked out for all their worth, putting the goods you try to hide on full display. On top of that, they've practically been throwing themselves at that man's feet whenever they see him. And yet…he hasn't taken any of their offers. He's barely even looked at them."

This woman was becoming increasingly disturbing, and Sakura made a deliberate face at the smell of smoke and fixed her with a pointed glare. "Maybe he just doesn't like whores."

The madam took no offense. She gave a conceding nod, and her painted lips twisted in amusement. "No…I don't believe he does. But that's not the point I'm making, honey."

"Then what exactly _is_ your point, Mina?"

Mina smiled at her again; the kind of smile only a woman who's seen it all can give a young girl who knows nothing. "I see the way he watches you when you're not looking. He's young, and can't hide the signs from an old pro like me. Neither can you for that matter, because I see the way you look at him too. Trust me honey; you may not be screwing him, but there ain't nothin' platonic about your relationship."

Sakura was past the point of annoyed, and had descended into full blown anger. Who the fuck did this woman think she was? She had no right to talk to her like this! "You don't know a thing about me, or Deidara, or anything about our relationship. Furthermore, it's none of your goddamned business," she snapped. Just then out of the corner of her eye she saw Deidara walk through the front entrance, spot her, and start toward her. She gave a small huff of relief and fixed a glare on the madam again. "Look. Mina. _You_ may be enjoying this little chat, but my partner is back and I need to speak with him, so you'll have to excuse yourself now."

Mina gave her a final knowing smile and stood. "Your defensiveness betrays you, darlin'. But I'll keep my opinions to myself from now on. Just do yourself a favor and think about what I said." And with that, she turned on her stiletto heel and walked away.

Sakura scowled after her a moment, then knocked back the remains of her drink. Her headache had returned with a vengeance, and she groaned in frustration as she slammed the empty glass on the bar top.

#

Deidara reached her side a moment later. She started a little when she felt his chakra fluctuating, rapid and weak, and looked up at him in surprise. "Did you get in a fight?" Her eyes widened when she saw how pale and clammy he was, his eyes glassy with pain. Then she caught the coppery smell of blood, and reached for him in alarm, gasping softly when her hands brushed the front of his cloak. _Wet_. Red on her fingers. "What happened—"

Deidara grasped her elbow and shook his head once, a tense jerk of movement, his jaw clenched to suppress the pain. "_Upstairs_," he said for only her to hear.

Sakura quickly glanced around to see if anyone had noticed. Didn't look like it. They walked toward the stairs, maintaining their casual demeanor all the way to their room. Deidara's breathing was slightly erratic as they climbed the stairs, but he walked upright and calm, and Sakura was amazed by his iron willpower. When they got into the room she quickly shut the door and locked it, and Deidara fell back against it, his eyes closed tightly. Sakura reached for him, popping the clasps on his cloak, finally seeing the jagged tearing in the fabric surrounded by a darker stain on the black cloth. "What happened?" she asked again.

He winced as she helped him shrug out of the cloak. "Fucking…motherfuckers…at the meeting," he ground out, his voice strained and unsteady, in too much pain to string a full sentence together

"The other syndicate?" He nodded. "I take it they don't want to make a deal with Akatsuki," she said wryly.

He gave a scathing laugh. "No."

Her brow furrowed in a frown. "I should have gone with you." She grasped the edge of his shirt. "Can you lift your arms over your head?" He tried, but grunted and tensed in pain halfway up. "Okay, stop," she said gently, placing her hands on his arms and lowering them to his sides again. She reached into the weapon holster on his thigh and pulled out a kunai. "Hope this wasn't a favorite shirt," she said with a faint smirk, then slit the front from waist to neck. She dropped the kunai into the floorboards and reached up to carefully pull the open halves of his shirt off. Then she finally got a full look at his injury. "Oh, shit, Deidara, this is a lot worse than you made it seem!" she exclaimed, alarm creeping back into her voice.

Deidara looked like he was about to pass out, but he complied when Sakura grabbed him by the elbow and steered him to the bed. "Lay down flat on your back," she instructed, more urgently than before. She tossed the pillows aside and helped ease him down to the mattress. She quickly removed her own cloak and threw it onto a nearby armchair, keeping her eyes on his injury. His entire stomach was covered in blood, running in rivulets down his torso and soaking into his pants, so much that she couldn't even see the actual wound. She hurried into the bathroom wetted a towel under the faucet, then returned to the bed and carefully crawled next to him.

Stomach wounds were always messy and rarely fatal, but she couldn't see the true severity of it until it was cleaned up more. She removed his clay pouches and set them aside, then placed her hands over the indistinct mass of crimson where the wound had to be and channeled chakra to staunch the bleeding, biting her lip in concentration. His heart beat rapidly and his blood pressure was dropping, so triggering an adrenaline release to ease his pain was out of the question. She settled on numbing the surrounding area instead. He relaxed a little as it took effect. "Better?"

"Yeah," he murmured, his voice stronger than before.

After a few minutes she figured he was feeling well enough to talk. "Did the meeting go bad, or did they never have any intention of working with us?" she asked as she gently wiped the excess blood from his abdomen with the wet towel.

"They planned it…fuckers were waiting."

Sakura couldn't really blame them for not wanting to work with Akatsuki, or for resisting having their assets taken, but she was still filled with simmering anger, because they had hurt her friend. "Well that will probably be their last mistake. Once we tell Leader I'm sure we'll get the order to take them all out."

"No need. They're already dead, yeah."

Her eyes flew up in surprise. "You—?"

"You think I'd let some civilian gangsters pull this shit on me and get away with it?"

"No, of course you wouldn't," she said wryly.

One corner of his lips curled in a half grin, though it was faint and strained. "If you go outside and look toward the harbor, I'm sure you'll see a very artistic scenario."

"You destroyed their shipping complex." She didn't bother to make it a question.

His grin widened. "Art is a bang."

After another minute or so she could clearly see the damage. Five distinct, jagged puncture wounds formed a circle above his navel, the fifth being the largest and in the center of the others. It looked like he'd been stuck with something multi-pronged, then had it been ripped out again. "What did this?"

"Some sort of…crossbow-grappling hook hybrid contraption. Nearly yanked me off my bird before I cut the rope."

"You pulled it out yourself?"

He nodded.

"That was incredibly stupid. I'm sure it was bad enough already, and you only made it ten times worse by doing that," she scolded.

"What the hell was I supposed to do? Come back here with it still stuck in my gut?"

"Yes, dumbass! If you'd waited for _me_ to help you, you wouldn't be such a fucking mess!"

"I made it back, didn't I? What are you so pissed about?"

"I'm not mad. It's just—" She sighed in frustration and shook her hair out of her face. "I should have gone with you," she said for the second time, her voice softening.

Deidara watched her as she worked, enjoying the warm, soothing feel of her chakra. "You're…worried about me?" he asked quietly.

"Of course I am, stupid!" she admonished, though her tone was soft. She wiped her fingers clean on the towel before reaching up to move the wayward strands of blond hair from his sweaty brow, her lips pulling into a troubled little pout. "I would never forgive myself if something happened and you got killed when I could have been there to help you."

"I won't be killed that easily," he said. She frowned at him. He closed his fingers around her arm, his thumb stroking softly over the inside of her wrist, and smiled a little. "I knew I'd be okay…because I have you, yeah."

Sakura was unable to think of a reply, and not sure she could speak anyway. After a moment, she gave him a small, sweet smile and pulled her fingers free of his hair. His hand remained in contact with her arm as it slipped downward, and she trailed her fingertips over his temple and cheek as she pulled away.

It was quiet for the next several minutes, but it wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, the silence was filled with subliminal understanding, a mutual recognition that things between them were not the same anymore.

Sakura now had the answers to the questions she'd avoided. No, it wasn't only physical. Yes, it went both ways. After what happened tonight, accepting those truths was not as difficult as before. It was so complicated, and she had no idea how she was going to deal with it, but she didn't want to pretend it didn't exist anymore.

When the internal damage was mended and the five wounds were finally closed, she sighed tiredly and stopped her chakra output. His stomach was still tender and discolored, but the deeper injury was healed. She removed his weapon holster, and he lifted his knee a little to give her better access as she unwound the strip of cloth from his thigh. Next she removed her own weapons and medic's apron. Deidara carefully kicked off his boots as she rifled in one of the apron's pouches for a long strip of bandage.

"Sit up for a moment," she urged quietly, and he did so, wincing just slightly. She began wrapping the bandage strip around his waist. "Not too tight is it?" He shook his head. Now that he was sitting up his face was only a few inches above hers, and so she kept her eyes trained on what she was doing. "It will be sore for a few days," she explained quietly. She finished wrapping and tucked the edge in, then began searching the rest of him. "Did you get injured anywhere else…?"

"Sakura, stop," he said quietly. "You're exhausted."

Sakura looked up into his eyes, finally clear of pain, though still tired. Their closeness was starting to affect her. She could feel his breath against her skin. "I know. I just want to make sure–"

"I'm fine now," he cut her off again. "I just need a good night's sleep. And so do you, yeah."

He was right; she could barely keep her eyes open. Deidara threw the bloodstained towel onto the floor, and after making sure there wasn't blood on the sheets, put the pillows back in place and lay down again. Sakura removed her boots, but couldn't bother getting up to turn the light off. She threw her boot at the switch near the door, and once her aim hit true and the light went out, she dimly registered the faint light of dawn coming through the gap in the curtains and then fell on her side, too exhausted to care that her brow was pressed against the top of Deidara's shoulder, or that her arm had fallen over his, her hand resting on his forearm.

He didn't seem to mind either, and after a moment he actually shifted a little closer to her. She felt his head turn to the side against his pillow, facing her, his nose almost touching her hair.

"Sakura?" he murmured quietly, barely disturbing the silence.

"Mm?"

"…Thanks."

Sakura smiled sleepily and nodded against his shoulder. Then she curled her arm around his, shifting just a little closer.

Within moments they were both sound asleep.


	11. This Perfect Imperfection

**Vertigo**

Chapter Eleven: This Perfect Imperfection

* * *

The first thing Deidara noticed upon waking was that his stomach hurt like hell. It was stiff and sore, and a dull internal ache remained from his organs being damaged. It was to be expected, he supposed, since he'd nearly had his innards ripped out last night.

However, that didn't explain why there was another, entirely _different_ sort of ache coming from his groin.

Several things became apparent to his sleep-fogged mind all at once. One: he had a raging hard-on, the likes of which he hadn't had in quite a while. Two: this was not one of those occasional and perfectly normal occurrences of morning wood that all men have. And three: the cause of this problem was most certainly the beautiful kunoichi pressed intimately against his entire right side.

Deidara suppressed the urge to groan aloud. He never should have fallen asleep so close to her. Two weeks of sharing a bed and nothing like this had happened, but in their exhaustion the just hadn't cared about proximity. And this was the result.

Last night their barriers had slipped down, revealing that their connection went much deeper than either admitted. He figured this would happen eventually. The signals had been strong and easy to read since the day they met, and it was a little surprising they made it through four months as partners without that line being crossed. Still, he didn't think it would happen like _this_.

They had shifted even closer during sleep, and she was right up against him now. Gods, he could _smell_ her; her appealing natural scent combined with the green apples of her shampoo, the same scent left on his pillow the night she'd fallen asleep in his bed. Thoughts of her had filled his mind for days after that. But for as often as he wanted to just grab her and kiss the hell out of her lately, his libido had been remarkably well-behaved. Until now. He could feel her against him, all soft curves over toned muscle, testament to the deadly femininity of a kunoichi. Her hands were gentle and soft where they curled around his bicep. He wondered how all that firm softness would feel against the rest of him…to have her smooth bare skin slide sensually over his.

The bulge in his pants twitched uncomfortably, telling him he needed to get up _right now_ before she woke up and beat the shit out of him.

Using all of his stealthy ninja skills, he attempted to lift his arm from her grasp. Sakura wasn't having it. She was latched onto him like a leech. It briefly occurred to him that if she knew he'd just compared her to a bloodsucking parasite she would punch him into next month. And if she knew he'd compared her to a bloodsucking parasite while simultaneously sporting a massive erection for her, she would absolutely destroy him.

He glanced down at her face, and had to smile a little at the way it was smooshed against his shoulder. He tried again with a little more force, though still careful not to wake her, and succeeded in pulling his arm free. But Sakura _still_ wasn't having it. She murmured something in her sleep and – as if his arm had been a barricade keeping her away – curled fully against his side and threw her leg over his. He tensed, eyes going wide as her thigh rubbed dangerously close to his crotch.

Okay. That plan backfired in a big way.

He waited a minute until she was fully asleep again and then carefully pushed her leg off of his. She stirred and moved it the rest of the way on her own, but then she was _back_, and this time she threw her arm over his hips instead, and as she settled into this new position her hand slipped downward and stopped directly over his groin.

Deidara yelped. Actually, it was more of a strangled grunt-whimper, because yelping would wake her up and then she would castrate him out of embarrassment or anger or both. But when her hand flexed, fingers tightening over his straining member, he couldn't help the tiny pant that escaped his lips, eyes closing briefly at the sensation her involuntary movement caused. His head fell to the side to see her face again, this time pressed against his chest, her lips pursed in a sort of pouty, half kissy face. How the hell did she manage to look so cute and innocent while blatantly fondling him! He shifted his hips down and away from her evil little hand, trying to slide out of reach. But his movement caused her to stir and flex her evil little fingers again, and this time it seemed as though her subconscious knew what her hand was holding, because she mumbled again in a breathy sigh and actually _stroked_ him through his pants. He groaned softly, and his eyes slipped closed again. Gods, if she could do this much unconsciously, what could she do when awake and purposeful, and – _oh fuck_ – would it be so bad if he just arched up into her hand…?

That was it. Deidara freaked.

He sprang up from the bed, past the point of caring whether she woke or not, ignoring the sudden pain in his stomach, and bolted into the bathroom. He braced his hands against the sink and hung his head, panting slightly from exerting his injury as well as from the throbbing in his groin. He gripped the sink rim until his knuckles turned white. Fuck. What was she doing to him? Did she have any idea how hard she made it for him to respect her and their friendship, when all he wanted to do was make her his? And another question: why hadn't he just rolled over, kissed her awake and put an end to this unbearable tension right then and there?

But he already knew the answer to that. For one, he had too much pride to take advantage of a sleeping girl's unknowing actions, however much he suspected she probably wanted him to. And the other reason was because he had something with Sakura he didn't have with anyone else, ever, and he didn't want to damage that by being a horny bastard. Sakura was not coping well with this criminal lifestyle. He could see her teetering on the edge of depression every day. Sex with him was probably the last thing on her mind, and it would be a real dick move on his part to take advantage of her vulnerability. He was a selfish asshole, yes, but he wasn't _that_ bad.

With another frustrated groan he pushed off from the sink and turned on the shower. He unwrapped his bandages and set them on the toilet seat, wincing a little and frowning at the nasty bruising, then removed the rest of his clothing and stepped into the steaming shower.

There was still a rather uncomfortable problem in his nether regions, even worse now that Sakura had outright groped him. He sighed heavily and leaned an arm against the cool tiles, his head falling to rest against his forearm. Only one way to resolve this particular issue, though he still had no idea what to do about the overall situation.

_Sakura_. She was the cause of all his frustration, and she was also the solution. He closed his eyes as his hand closed around his length, imagining it was her hand again; those soft, deceptively delicate hands that could crush mountains. Her pretty face flashed in his mind, those gorgeous green eyes…those full, soft lips. What would it look like, _feel_ like, to have those lips kissing his length, sliding over his head as she took him in her mouth—

"Deidara?"

The squeaky sound that came out of his mouth was completely unintelligible but definitely conveyed his startled panic. His head whipped around, eyes wide in alarm. Shit. He'd left the door ajar. Thankfully Sakura wouldn't walk in.

"How does it feel?"

"_Whuh!_" His hand dropped to his side lightning fast, while his heart dropped into his stomach.

"…Your injury. You do remember you were nearly gutted last night, right?"

He exhaled with extreme relief at her sarcastic reply. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "Yeah…its fine. A little sore though."

"That's normal. I'll check it over when you get out, okay?"

"Yeah."

Once he heard the door latch shut, he banged his head against the tiled wall. Well at least his erection was gone, since Sakura had just scared him half to death. He groaned again and squeezed his eyes shut, letting the water pour down over his head. He didn't know how much more of this he could take.

* * *

It really was a beautiful sword, Sakura mused as she ran the cloth over the blade a final time. She carefully reassembled the sleek kodachi and slipped it into its scabbard before closing up her maintenance kit and returning it to her pack. She set the sword across her folded knees, admiring the superb quality of the craftsmanship as she slowly ran her fingers over the rose quartz inlaid along the lacquered black surface.

She could clearly remember the moment her teammates had given it to her, exactly one year ago. Kakashi had called a spur of the moment mandatory training session, and she'd shown up in a snit, ready to smash some heads, because it was her birthday, damn it, and she didn't want to train. But when she got there her boys had been waiting with a picnic lunch and told her the training session was just a ruse to get her away from any other engagements. Naruto had spoken for them all by saying she was _their_ kunoichi and they didn't want to share her with everyone else at some noisy party. That was where they'd given her the kodachi as a gift. It was Sai's idea to get her a weapon, and he said he knew she would like it because she was so violent-natured. She'd lovingly smacked him upside the head. Naruto was the one to think of customizing it for her with the rose quartz cherry blossoms along the scabbard, and Kakashi arranged for it to be crafted by one of the best swordsmiths in Fire country, who owed him a favor. They asked Tsunade to bog her down with hospital work so she wouldn't be able to go with them when they left to have it made. She remembered that "mission" she hadn't been able to go on, a month or so prior, and had given them all affectionate glares while beaming with happiness at her beautiful new blade.

Sakura sighed and brought the sword close to her chest, cradling it as if it were her most prized possession. At this time in her life, it really was. It was the only thing that tied her to the life she had before, and had honestly taken for granted.

Were any of them thinking about her today? Kakashi and Tsunade would, she knew. But what about Naruto and Sai? What about the rest of her friends? Would they remember her today? If they did, would it make them sad, or would they be filled with anger and disappointment at the mere thought of her.

She really needed to stop obsessing about this. Nobody hated her, not for real anyway, because she wasn't really a traitor. As soon as she completed her mission and went home, everyone would know the truth and things would go back to normal. But even as she thought it, it didn't give the sense of comfort she'd been hoping for, because somehow she didn't think it was going to be that simple. Whatever the case, there was no point worrying about it now.

The door clicked open quietly. Sakura tensed, ready to move, until she saw it was only Deidara. He had tensed as well, and hadn't let his chakra leak before entering because he hadn't expected her to be here. The second their eyes met they relaxed.

He removed his cloak and tossed it over the back of the chair. "You get done early too?"

She shook her head, but didn't look at him. "I left."

He glanced at her, curious. "Why?"

Her expression darkened as she recalled her day at one of Saito's clubs. "The bastard who manages the place wouldn't stop flirting with me." Deidara chuckled from somewhere behind her line of sight, and she rolled her eyes before continuing, "He grabbed my ass, so I broke his arm…and his nose…and then I left," she finished, setting her chin on her knees again.

Deidara chuckled. "Kinda wish I'd been there to see that." He crossed the room again and sat on the edge of the bed, then let his upper half fall backward to flop against the mattress with a tired sigh.

"If you'd been there I doubt he would have done it. Everyone and their mother around here seems to think we're together," she grumbled.

Deidara was silent behind her, and she wondered if he was thinking about the idea of them as a couple, and if he was, what exactly _did_ he think about it? A moment later her nose detected something strange, and she turned her head over her shoulder with a small frown. "Have you been drinking?"

His expression turned mischievous. "The guy that ran the place kept offering me drinks. It would have been rude to refuse, yeah."

Sakura snorted. "Since when do you care about being rude?"

Deidara just shrugged from his reclined position, and after a moment she turned around again. He continued to watch her back, frowning slightly when she gave a slow, drawn out sigh. His gaze dropped to the sheathed sword lying next to her on the mattress. It had sentimental value to her, he knew, and wondered if that had something to do with her mood. She was depressed again. He could hear it in the dull tone of her voice, and see it in her posture and the way her eyes lacked their usual fiery spark. She was prone to mood swings, but they usually flipped between happy and annoyed, something that amused him greatly and he found to be very artistic in nature. But lately these streaks of melancholy were more and more frequent, and usually brought on by something specific.

"Was your day really that bad?"

"No, it's…it's nothing," she murmured against her knees.

Deidara sat up, abdominal muscles tightening with soreness. "Sakura…" His frown deepened a little when she didn't respond. He hesitated a moment, then reached out to touch her, just brushing her shoulder blade. "What's wrong, hm?"

Sakura tensed ever so slightly at the unexpected contact, but relaxed again almost immediately, and felt a twinge of something close to disappointment when his hand fell away. She worried her lip between her teeth a moment, and then turned around slowly to face him, her knees brushing against his thigh as she settled. "Nothing's wrong, really…" Her eyes travelled up to his, lingering a moment before sliding to stare at the sliver of late afternoon light between the gap in the curtains. "It's my birthday today." Her blank expression failed to hide the emotion in her eyes.

Deidara stared at her, eyes widened in surprise. "Really? You should have told me earlier."

Sakura shrugged faintly. "I didn't think it mattered."

"Of course it matters. You're what, twenty-one?"

She nodded slowly. "Yep."

"We should celebrate," he suggested, breaking out into a grin.

His enthusiasm was almost always infectious, and she smiled despite herself. But she was still a little bemused by the idea. "What?"

"I'm serious." He stood up and stretched a little, still grinning at her. "I need to go take care of something but when I get back we're going out to celebrate, so be ready, yeah."

Sakura gave a small laugh, but didn't otherwise reply. He seemed more excited about her birthday than she was. She followed him with her eyes as he put his cloak back on and crossed to the door.

"Be back in a bit."

She nodded, and when the door closed she let herself fall backward onto the bed, sprawling crosswise of where Deidara had been a moment before. The sapphire sheets were still warm in the place where he'd lain.

So many worries had filled her mind recently, making her feel as if she was being pulled apart from the inside. But now, today, she was filled with a different sort of feeling; a sort of hollow apathy, as if her mind was so fed up with all the stress it had simply gone blank. She laid there for the longest time, staring at nothing, too drained to think about anything, to care about anything. Eventually she closed her eyes, and not long afterward fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

When she woke again it was to the sound of the door opening. Her fingers twitched toward her weapon holster, but stopped a moment later when she recognized the familiar presence.

"Why are you asleep? I told you we were going out when I got back."

Sakura opened her eyes, blinking as she slowly sat up and looked at her partner. Deidara was mildly glaring at her, obviously a bit irritated that she wasn't enthusiastic about his plan. She sat up fully and rolled her neck, but stopped when she noticed he held a bag in one hand. A _shopping_ bag. She nodded toward it and asked, "What's that?"

Deidara glanced down at it, then shifted a little awkwardly and turned partly away. "Just some stuff we needed." He pulled something out and tucked it under one arm, then turned back and dropped the bag at the foot of the bed.

Sakura crawled forward and drew the bag to her. It looked like it was from a fancy boutique. Inside were one smaller bag and two boxes. She knew what they looked to be, as she pulled them out and set them on her lap, but she had a hard time believing it. This stuff couldn't be what she thought it was… Her jaw dropped when she lifted the lid of the largest box to find the most gorgeous shade of burgundy silk she'd ever seen, and she exhaled in wonder as she lifted it and discovered that the beautiful fabric belonged to an even more beautiful dress. It was flirty, with thin shoulder straps and an asymmetrical hem that would flare around the knees and show just a hint of thigh as she moved.

"Uh…there's more," Deidara said mutedly.

Sakura looked up to see him staring intently at something near the floor. Her gaze fell to the other box and bag, and she reached for them and pulled them open with and excited grin. Inside the small box was a pair of strappy heels, the color almost a perfect match to the dress, and only a half size off. The bag contained a silky shawl, in a slightly darker shade of maroon.

She looked up at Deidara again, bewildered. He shifted uneasily, and after a moment fixed her with a pointed look.

"What? I _told_ you we were going out, and you didn't have anything to wear. Unless you planned to borrow something from one of the whores."

Sakura wasn't fooled by his snappish tone; she knew what it was covering. "You picked these out?" she asked, smiling softly.

"I picked the dress. The clerk lady added all the other stuff."

"How did she know my shoe size?"

"I told her how tall you are."

"Ah."

She gazed down at the dress again, running her hand over the exquisite fabric. There was no print or embroidery, only simple clean lines that flowed beautifully without any extra frills. It suited her perfectly, even down to the color. It left her a little stunned to realize that Deidara knew her _that_ well, and had gone to the effort of buying it for her.

She stood and held the dress up to her front, admiring it again and smiling at the confirmation that it would indeed fit perfectly. He must have spent a fair amount of time studying her figure to be this spot on with her measurements. Then again, he was an artist; that sort of thing probably came naturally to him. Still, her stomach fluttered at the idea.

"It's so beautiful, Deidara. I love it." She gave him a bright smile.

Deidara scratched his chin and smiled back, far less smugly than he intended, the result being very genuine and adorable in its awkwardness. He was the first to look away, clearing his throat self-consciously. "Well hurry up and get ready. I'm getting hungry, yeah."

Sakura put the items back in the larger bag, then crossed to where he stood and wrapped her free arm around his neck, drawing him into a hug. He tensed for a second, startled, but then one hand came up to press lightly against her lower back. "Thank you," she said softly. She brushed her lips over his cheek when she pulled back, and didn't miss how his fingers tightened against her a second before his hand dropped to his side again.

Her spirits truly lifted for the first time in weeks, she hurried into the bathroom to get ready.

Fifteen minutes later, Sakura observed herself in the full-length mirror and couldn't help but grin. The dress fit beautifully, cutting low enough in front to reveal the faintest curve of cleavage, while the back cut lower still. It was provocative and flirty, while still remaining tasteful. She was a little nervous about forgoing a bra, but she didn't have one that worked with the cut and according to Ino, some dresses weren't meant to be worn with one anyway. Besides, after years of the Copy Ninja's grueling one-fingered pushups, her modest breasts were perky enough that she didn't really need one. She just hoped it wouldn't be a particularly chilly night. The heels she had very little experience with, but she figured her shinobi balance would help a lot. Her feet would be killing her by the end of the night, but they certainly made her legs look great.

She'd left her hair down in its usual style. The tips curved lightly against her neck, the short length allowing a full view of her shoulders and upper back. She didn't have much makeup at her disposal, only a stick of kohl and a tube of lightly pigmented gloss, and she definitely wasn't going to ask one of the resident girls to borrow something. But then, thinking of the simple beauty of the dress Deidara had picked for her, and the less than impressed looks he'd given the other women in this place, she guessed that he probably wasn't into all that primping and self-decorating. The thought made her smile, flushing again as she realized she actually wanted to look beautiful for him.

The very thought would have freaked her out only a few days ago, but subtle things had changed between them since the night he'd come back injured. The day after he'd been a little strange, and at night he'd been sleeping at the far edge of the bed with his back to her. At first she thought he was uncomfortable with the latest turn in their relationship and was trying to force distance. But then she would catch him watching her at times, and when they talked he would stand very close to her but then grow awkward and move away with some casual brush-off. Then yesterday she caught him actually breathing in her scent as she leaned over his shoulder to read some paperwork at a meeting with Saito, and it had become clear to her what his weirdness was about.

The madam had been right. Sakura had known it even then, and stubbornly refused to acknowledge it. But it was the truth. There was nothing platonic about their relationship, no matter how much they tried to pretend otherwise.

And tonight, well…she could tell something was different about tonight, and the prospect of what may lie ahead both frightened and excited her. It was wrong for so many reasons. But she'd done so many wrong things already in the name of duty, why shouldn't she do one wrong thing for only herself? Deidara was the only source of comfort in this dark world she'd been thrown into, and she was past the point of trying to deny the one thing that might make her happy.

With one last turn in front of the mirror and a final finger-comb of her hair, she took a steadying breath walked out to her waiting partner.

When she entered the bedroom her breath caught at what she saw. Deidara had changed for the occasion as well, and was wearing a deep navy sweater over dark pants. His hair was loose and falling over his shoulders and back, revealing his entire face. The color of his shirt made his eyes darken to smoky cobalt, and she found herself caught up in them when he turned her way and stopped dead in his tracks.

Captivated as she was by the change in him, he seemed even more mesmerized by the change in her. For once his expression was completely open, and it didn't escape her notice that his gaze lingered a little too long in certain places as he took in her appearance. Knowing that he found her so clearly appealing made her stomach flutter and her pulse quicken.

"So, what do you think?" she asked, holding her arms out to the sides a little.

Deidara swallowed slowly and his eyes returned to her face. "You look…stunning."

The undisguised honesty in his tone left her flustered, and her gaze dropped as she fingered the folds of her skirt. "Thanks. I don't have any jewelry or anything to wear with something like this, but—"

"You don't need any," he interjected quietly. She smiled and a pretty blush spread across her features. The seconds ticked by, filled with awkward uncertainty because this was so different for both of them. To lighten the air he gave a teasing smirk and said, "I guess I have good taste in dresses, yeah."

Sakura laughed and crossed to the bed to pick up her shawl. "Yes you do, but I don't think you should say that aloud to another person ever again."

He laughed as well, and she pulled the shawl around her shoulders and let it drop loosely through her elbows as she drew up to him. She smiled again, amused by the slight change in their height differences with her new shoes. She was now eye level with his lips, and she found herself staring at the smooth, impish curve of them, before catching herself and finally meeting his gaze. "You look really nice too. We both look so different."

"That was kind of the point. We can just be ourselves tonight. Not shinobi, not Akatsuki…just us, yeah."

That was the best idea she'd heard in months, and she returned his smile brightly. "So where are we going? There are some surprisingly classy places here, I noticed."

"There's a place across the street from the club I inspected today that looks pretty nice. The owner knew who I was from word of mouth I guess, so I was able to pull a last minute reservation when I went out earlier."

"Sounds great," she said, pulling her wrap around her shoulders, "Shall we?"

He opened the door of their room and let her go first, and Sakura ignored any strange or curious stares they received on the way out, most especially the knowing smile and wink from that infuriatingly perceptive madam.

* * *

The walk was pleasant and filled with their usual easy conversation, though the undercurrent of tension and thrill was still very present. Sakura was tempted to reach out and link her arm through his, but didn't feel quite bold enough yet. Maybe after a few drinks she would find the courage to be more forward.

The restaurant was as nice as Deidara had said, with dim lighting and warm colors giving a rich earthy ambiance. The owner himself greeted them and showed them to their table, which wasn't a coincidence, Sakura knew. They were seated in the back where it was quietest, and he also offered them a complimentary bottle of his finest wine. Their lighthearted conversation continued as they looked over the menu, but after they had placed their orders and the server left, Sakura sobered somewhat and gave her partner a heartfelt smile.

"Thank you for doing this, Deidara. I was feeling kind of down about today, and this has really cheered me up."

He grinned at her. "It's your birthday. You should do something to celebrate, even if it's just going out to dinner or having a few drinks, yeah."

"This is more than just going out to dinner," she said, glancing around the sophisticated room. "This is really nice."

He shrugged. "It's alright. It's all I could think of on short notice. At least you won't be sitting in that tacky room all night. " He took a sip of wine and cast his gaze away from her. "I'm a poor substitute for your friends, but—"

"You _are_ my friend, Deidara," Sakura interjected quietly. "Don't ever think you're not. In fact, you're the _only_ friend I have right now."

Deidara stared at her a moment, but then smiled a little self-consciously and looked away again. He never used to be so open about his feelings, Sakura noted; he always spoke his mind, but his true emotions were always hidden behind an arrogant smirk. She had been seeing these genuine glimpses more often lately. Either this thing between them had thrown him for a loop, or he was finally able to truly let his guard down around her. The thought made her smile.

"Anyway," he said, "If I'd known earlier I would have gotten you a gift or something."

"What? You bought me this beautiful dress." And from the look and feel of it, it hadn't been cheap.

"Yeah, but that doesn't really count. This place has a dress code, and neither of us had anything appropriate. I would have come up with something more creative if there was time."

She rolled her eyes. "You're so clueless."

"Well what do you expect? I don't know how all this stuff is done. It's not like I've ever taken a girl on a date before."

Sakura blinked in surprise. "So then…this is a date?"

He grinned at her, and after a moment answered, "Yeah…I suppose it is."

Her smile softened as she gazed at him. "This is exactly what I needed, Deidara. You always manage to pull me up without even trying. I haven't told you how much I appreciate that. If you weren't my partner in all of this, I'm sure I would have completely lost my mind by now. I'm really glad you're here with me." Her cheeks burned with the quiet admission, but she held his gaze steadily.

Deidara stared at her, faintly smiling, but his eyes were unreadable. He seemed almost at a loss for words, but anything he might have been intending to say was cut off when the server appeared with their orders.

That seemed to break the spell, and after their food was served and their glasses refilled, they returned to more casual conversation. But as they talked and laughed they continued to steal glances at each other, gazes lingering with underlying meaning before sliding away. The wine was excellent and left Sakura feeling warm and pleasant. After a while the undertone to their conversation grew less subtle, and soon they were openly flirting, not even trying to hide it anymore. A lot of the fuzzy feeling she felt inside had nothing to do with the wine.

When the bill was paid and they stood up to leave, Sakura reached for the shawl draped over the back of her chair, but Deidara picked it up first. She looked up at him, wondering, but he just gave her a devastatingly sexy smirk and moved behind her to slip it around her shoulders. His fingertips trailed softly down her bare arms, following the silken cloth as is fell to her elbows, his touch almost feather light, and a shiver ran through her body. Sakura knew he'd noticed it, along with the slight hitch of her breath, and the glint in his eyes as she met them again told her it hadn't been an accident. They turned to leave, and this time she didn't hesitate to link her arm through his and lean close as they stepped outside.

A pleasant silence settled between them as they walked unhurried through the streets, still busy with vibrant nightlife, but what remained unspoken was perfectly clear to both of them.

Although for as much as they were being open about their mutual attraction tonight, they were both still holding back. If they had let go the restraints, Sakura knew, they probably wouldn't have left the room at all. They had been dancing around this for months, possibly even longer; since that fateful encounter five years ago and the kiss she'd never been able to forget. Ever since they met again she could feel it building to a crescendo with every meaningful silence, every small admission of caring, every lingering glance, every furtive touch.

And Sakura had decided that she wasn't going to resist it anymore. She _wanted_ it, gods help her. She didn't care anymore if it was wrong. Deidara touched some place inside of her that no one else had ever been able to reach, and whatever happened tonight or in the days ahead, she was simply going to run with it.

When they were almost back to their place of lodging, Sakura accidentally caught her heel in a small rut in the sidewalk and stumbled forward as her ankle buckled. She didn't go far because she was still holding Deidara's arm, and as he felt her lose balance he slipped his arm around her waist to steady her. She grasped his shirtfront with both hands, freeing up his other arm which then joined the first at her lower back.

"Dammit," she muttered irritably.

"Lightweight," he teased, his breath fanning her hair a little.

She frowned down at her foot to make sure she hadn't broken the shoe. "It's not the wine; there was a hole in the sidewalk."

Deidara chuckled, a quiet rumble that vibrated faintly beneath her palms. "Right."

Sakura huffed indignantly. "I'm serious! It's right over there," she retorted, tilting her head in the general direction of said hole.

Deidara didn't even look. "Mhm."

Sakura rolled her eyes and pushed against him a little. "You're such an ass," she grumbled playfully, but her voice trailed off to a whisper when she caught the look in his eyes.

Without warning his hold around her tightened and he swept her into the recessed entryway of a closed shop. Her breath caught in her throat as her back hit a wall, and their eyes met for one heart-stopping second before his lips crashed into hers.

Sakura slid her hands up his chest as she parted her lips for him in a breathy sigh. He groaned softly against her mouth and his arms tightened around her, driven by her eager reaction.

Their first kiss had been thrilling but chaste, and in her dream it was dominating and lustful. But _this_, being truly, fully kissed by him for the first time, was so much better, so much _hotter_ than anything she could have imagined. His tongue slipped between her parted lips in a sensual, teasing taste before withdrawing, only to return and glide with hers in a way that set her head spinning, and when he tilted his head to deepen the kiss further, she was undone, the world around her fading until all she knew was _him_.

He broke the kiss reluctantly, his fingers curling around the back of her neck. "Sakura…" he rasped, his nose brushing her temple, nuzzling as he breathed in her scent and pressed his lips to the shell of her ear to whisper, "…you want this?"

It was a question and a confirmation and a hopeful request all rolled into one, and Sakura smiled as she arched into him. "_Yes_," she breathed, her head falling back against the wall, "You have _no idea_…"

And then his lips were on hers again, unleashed, all barriers gone as they gave in to what they had denied for so long. She poured everything she had into the kiss, all of her frustrations and worries and desires, conveying to him without words how much she wanted this, _needed_ this.

Her heart fluttered rapidly in her chest, and her eyes closed tightly as he tore away from her lips and trailed hot, open mouthed kisses along her jaw. She sighed in pleasure when he gently sucked her pulse point, her head tilting to give him better access. She arched into him and shivered as her breasts rubbed against his firm chest. Deidara's hands were under her skirt, grazing the skin of her thighs as he pulled her against him, and it vaguely occurred to Sakura's passion-fuddled mind that if one of them didn't take initiative to get them back to their room they were going to tear each other apart right here on the street.

"Deidara…" Her breathy utterance of his name only seemed to drive him more, for he pushed his hips against hers and gently bit down on the tendon in her neck. Her head fell forward onto his collarbone as an erotic shudder coursed through her body, and she couldn't prevent the small moan that escaped her. It took her a few seconds to regain her wits after that, but she finally forced herself to push against his shoulders a little, lifting her head to murmur just below his ear, "Not here."

He pulled back and their eyes met, his lips curling in a smirk she knew promised _very_ good things. Without a word he pulled her away from the wall and grabbed her hand, all but hauling her back onto the sidewalk. She did her best not to wobble on her precarious heels as they hurried the rest of the way, hands clasped tightly. Anticipation swirled around them in unbearable waves, and it felt to Sakura as if those were the longest few blocks she'd ever walked.

They had the presence of thought to let go of each other as they entered the building, but it was all they could do not to flat out run for the stairs. As soon as they made it to the first landing Deidara grabbed her from behind and spun her around, her back hitting the wall again as his mouth sealed to hers. She returned his kiss with equal passion, and it was a long moment before her senses returned and she broke away and dazedly hissed, "_Go_."

The rest of the way was a blur; all she would remember was that as she fumbled with the keys to their door Deidara was right behind her, one hand braced on the doorframe as he leaned in, trapping her. The other brushed softly over the back of her neck as he swept her hair aside, his breath fanning hotly, lips ghosting against her skin as he hovered over her. Through the shudders of sensation she managed to finally open the door. And then they were all over each other, touching and groping and kissing with the full force of their pent up desires. Sakura stepped out of her shoes, making him bend his head a little to keep kissing her as she suddenly became much shorter. Her hands slid down his chest to grasp the hem of his shirt, and with a wanton tug she pulled it up along with the shirt underneath. As it went over his head their kiss broke, allowing them to regain their senses a little as she carelessly tossed it aside.

The all-consuming fire eased to a smolder, and a moment of clarity set in as their eyes met and the full impact of the situation hit them. They were really going to do this, and they would not look back.

They gazed at each other for a long moment, and then Sakura gave a small, sweet smile and reached out to run her fingers over his smooth chest. Deidara smiled and cupped her face in his hands. Her heart swelled at the look he gave her; undisguised lust but also genuine feeling. He kissed her again, gentle and sweet, but passionate enough to make the fire burn in her veins once more.

His fingertips trailed down her spine, inducing another shiver, and grasped the zipper on the back of her dress and eased it down. His hand smoothed over each revealed inch, moved beneath the edge of the fabric to brush the small of her back, while the other slipped the thin straps from her shoulders as he kissed down the side of her neck. Her short nails grazed lightly over his shoulder blades, arms lowering as the straps of her dress fell away and the silky material slipped down her body to pool at her feet.

Sakura stood before him in only her panties, and his hungry gaze spread a warm heat through her core. A sigh escaped her lips when his fingers traced the curve of her breast, just like in her dream only _better_, and when his thumb teasingly brushed her nipple she gasped softly and bit her lip at the stab of pleasure.

Deidara's eyes focused intently on her breasts, his lips parted, his fingers teasing against her as if he was dying to cup the soft flesh in his hands. She wondered vaguely why he didn't…and then she realized he was being mindful of his bloodline limit. She doubted he was self-conscious about it; in fact she was most certain he was very good at using them this way, but he probably didn't want to make her feel weird or uncomfortable. He had no idea how far from the truth that was.

Sakura reached for his hand with both of hers, fingers closing gently around his wrist. His eyes flicked up to hers uncertainly, and she held his gaze steadily as she brushed her lips over the thin seam at the center of his palm. Deidara watched her, and she knew by the slight surprise mixed with the lust in his eyes that no one had ever done it before, for it was far more personal than simply letting him use them on her body. She smiled, reassuring, inviting, and continued to hold his gaze as she lowered his hand slowly, letting his fingertips trail down her throat and sternum before she pressed his palm fully against her breast. A breathy moan escaped her lips as wet silkiness enclosed her sensitive flesh. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into another heated kiss, and soon another tongue lapped the tightened peak of her other breast. The sensation of three tongues doing such amazing things overwhelmed her and nearly took away her ability to stand. She couldn't wait any longer. Her hands slipped from his neck to urgently pull his pants open and jerk them down around his hips. Deidara growled in agreement and grabbed her around the waist, lifting her a little as he steered them toward the bed.

Sakura crawled backward onto the cool satin sheets and tugged him after her by the open edges of his pants. He grinned sexily and leaned over her, his hand weaving into her hair just before he captured her lips in another searing kiss. In a tangle of eager limbs they removed the last of each other's clothing, but for as turned on as they both were neither wanted to finish so quickly. This thing had been building for far too long to not savor it.

Deidara explored her body masterfully, taking his time caressing her skin, kissing her sensitive breasts, stroking between her thighs, making her pant and squirm and moan beneath him, his long hair creating delicious sensations as it trailed over her naked skin when he moved. Sakura returned his passionate attentions as much as she could, but Deidara always remained dominant over her and she let him, succumbing willingly to the fire he created inside of her. His hands twisted in her hair as he buried his face in her neck, kissing gently as he rolled his hips against hers, his hard length rubbing against her. His breath fanned hotly over her throat, and he groaned softly as his arms tightened around her. "Want you…so long…" he murmured brokenly against her skin.

Sakura arched up into him, her thighs sliding higher over his hips. "You have me," she whispered.

Deidara stilled and lifted his head to look at her. His lustful gaze held a hint of wonder, and she realized that the way she'd said it so raptly, so heartfelt, left it unclear if she had meant '_tonight_' or '_forever._' But in the haze of passion she didn't care to clarify, and at this point she wasn't even sure if there was a difference anymore.

He seemed to find whatever answer he was looking for in her eyes, because suddenly he was kissing her again, shifting until she felt him hot and hard against her. She rolled her hips upward, eager for that blissful feeling, and they both moaned as he slowly entered her. Her head fell back against the cool sheets, the incredible sensation as he buried himself deeply making her cry out a heady whimper. He breathed heavily against her neck, the muscles of his back and shoulders tense as he fought to control himself. Her thighs lifted and pulled him to her tightly when he began to move in gentle but powerful thrusts. Sakura arched into him wantonly, her moans going up an octave as he lifted her thigh over his hip, shifted their angle to thrust deeper. His mouth closed over her breast, tongue slowly circling the tightened bud. Her hands tangled in his hair, holding him to her as she felt herself spiraling higher and higher, a sensual delirium taking her over as the heat condensed and tightened in her core until it burned white hot. She pulled him, dragging his head up to meet her in a frenzied kiss as she bucked her hips against him, desperate for gratification.

He sensed how close she was and began to thrust harder, deeper, panting against her throat as he neared his own release. He released her thigh to grasp her hand, interlocking their fingers in an intimate and affectionate gesture that made her thrum with happiness and smile through the pleasure. Then the coil snapped and her world shattered as she came in a series of shaky moans, her body wracked with tremors. Her powerful release set him off as well and he followed a few seconds after, his rhythm breaking as he groaned into her neck with several hard thrusts, shuddering against her.

For a minute neither of them moved, catching their breath as they came down from the intense high. His brow rested against her temple as her fingers played idly in his slightly sweaty hair, their other hands still joined above their heads.

Sakura gave a lazy, thoroughly satisfied smile and turned her head toward his, their noses brushing, breath intermingling. "Bang," she whispered playfully.

Deidara grinned. "Indeed," he murmured. He tilted his chin to kiss whatever part of her face was closest, which happened to be the side of her nose. "Happy birthday, Sakura."

Sakura laughed softly and exhaled a contented sigh. "Mmm. Best present ever."

Deidara rolled them so he was on his back with her against his chest. His arms wrapped around her and they lay like that for some time. She touched a faint scar on his chest that she'd never noticed before, and then found a few more across his shoulder, reflecting pale silver in the moonlight, and traced them too as he softly stroked her hair, fingers occasionally caressing down her back.

Sakura was so glad they had done this, so glad she had given in. She didn't know what it would mean for the future, but tonight she simply didn't care. All that mattered in this moment was the gentle sound of his heartbeat and the warmth of his body as she lay in his arms, because right now, for the first time in a long time, she was happy.

Out of the corner of her eye she glimpsed the clock on the nightstand, and lifted herself a little to see his relaxed and peaceful face. "Deidara."

He cracked his eyes open. "Hm?"

She smiled slyly, fingers trailing down the smooth firmness of his stomach and over his hipbone. "It's still my birthday for another thirty minutes…"

He grinned, blue eyes glinting deviously, and without a word he rolled and pinned her beneath him, his mouth descending on hers with a primal chuckle that promised a very enjoyable finale to the evening.


	12. Convergence of Shadow

**Vertigo**

Chapter Twelve: Convergence of Shadow

* * *

Sakura stirred at the feeling of warm fingers trailing softly down her spine. She smiled, keeping her eyes closed. An even more pleasurable sensation came; smooth lips and warm breath following where those fingers had touched, and long strands of hair ghosting deliciously across her naked skin.

"You weren't supposed to fall asleep," his smooth voice murmured near her ear, before his lips pressed to the back of her neck in soft kiss.

She hummed in pleasure and finally opened her eyes. A stretch of grass and distant bushes greeted her. Below, the sea rushed against the rocks, filling the air with a faint tang of brine. It was the first night of newly arrived spring that was warm enough to come up here to the high, flat bluff above the city and lay out under the stars. It was great to get away from the confines of the busy city for a while, even better because he was here with her. She lay on her stomach, a thick blanket beneath her and a cloak covering her lower half, though she wasn't sure if it was hers or his. One knee poked out and a cool breeze fanned along her shin, but she wasn't chilled at all because his body heat was enough to keep her warm.

"We were _supposed_ to be stargazing," she murmured wryly.

It felt like her catnap had lasted around twenty minutes. What had he done all that time, watch her sleeping? The idea made her heart flutter. She rolled to her back, bare skin tightening at the exposure to cooler air.

Deidara supported himself on one elbow and hovered over her, his eyes never leaving her face despite her shamelessly uncovered chest. "Looking at stars is nice…but I'd rather look at you."

With a sweet smile she curled her fingers around the back of his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. He soon deepened it, his tongue gliding against hers in a way that instantly made her pulse quicken, and she shifted to align herself more fully beneath him, all in for another round. But he didn't seem intent on taking it there, for the moment at least, and she pouted a little when he pulled back and looked at her again.

"We should have done this a long time ago," she declared quietly.

"I agree…but we're here now, that's what matters, yeah," he replied, his nose brushing her cheek.

"Well, we definitely need to make up for lost time."

He buried his face in the juncture of her neck and shoulder. "Haven't we been?" He followed up his words with a nip to her tendon.

"We're getting there," she sighed.

Deidara chuckled quietly, with that crooked half-grin that never failed to do funny things to her insides. The way he looked at her when they were alone like this, so warm and open and completely different from what he showed the rest of the world, it was all she could do to keep from melting.

The past two weeks since her birthday had been nothing short of blissful. It didn't matter that they were in the most depraved city in the world, or that they were currently living in a house of ill-repute. It didn't matter _where_ they were, because they were together and being with Deidara was the only thing Sakura could think about lately. She was suffering from a serious case of cloud nine, and felt more like a giddy teenager these days than an s-class criminal. It was a new feeling for her, since she'd never _been_ a giddy teenager on cloud nine with a guy who actually wanted her. She was punch-drunk on the whole experience, happier than she could remember being in a long time, even before she'd left Konoha, in fact. She deserved this sliver of happiness in the middle of this ugly world, she told herself. They _both_ did, and she refused to believe anything was wrong with her for not feeling guilty.

It was so different with him. Sakura had only been with one other man, but Deidara was the polar opposite of Sasuke in just about every way possible. He gave her exactly what had been missing from her only other relationship: a real _connection_. Deidara was always _present_, really there in the moment with her, truly into her and the experience they were sharing. It was true intimacy, and it made all the difference in the world. And Sakura was addicted to it. To the way he would take control of her in the bedroom – or the park, or an elevator, or wherever they happened to be at the time – dominant but never aggressive. To how he would use all three mouths on her at once, sending her into a moaning, writhing frenzy. To the way he angled his hips _so_ perfectly when he took her from behind.

The passion between them was as addictive as a drug and just as demanding for a fix—almost dangerously so. Being partners with Deidara was always exciting, but being Deidara's lover was a whole new kind of thrill. Now she found herself doing wild things that she'd never thought of doing – like quickies in restaurant bathrooms – and loving it. It was so easy to forget where they were, _who_ they were, forget everything and just focus on how incredibly, undeniably hooked on each other they were. But more than the incredible sex, she was addicted to _him_. To his crooked smile and vibrant energy, to the way his blue eyes were always filled with a hint of mischief, to his genuine laugh and the side of himself that he hid from everyone but her.

Sakura knew she was getting in deep, and some remote part of her did worry that it was happening too fast when it really shouldn't be happening at all. But she was too happy for it to seem wrong. It felt so natural to be with him like this. The transition from where they started to where they were now had been so easy, far less complicated than she would have expected, than it _should_ have been. It almost felt as if, from day one, it was inevitable that they ended up this way.

She'd given up on destiny a long time ago, but that was because she'd convinced herself that her destiny was the idea she conjured up in her head, and had simply expected the universe to listen to her childish dreaming. When a cold awakening on a roadside bench made it painfully obvious that she was a stupid girl full of nothing but pipedreams, she'd given up on the idea of anyone being meant for her. Years later, the disillusionment of actually being with the so-called man of her dreams had only solidified that belief.

But now she wasn't so sure. Perhaps she'd simply been looking in the wrong direction.

"Do you believe in fate?" she asked him softly, hesitantly.

Deidara paused from the slow, lazy trail of kisses he was leaving over her collarbone and raised his head. He didn't seem put off by her question, and his lips quirked in the faintest of smiles. "I never used to," he admitted, gazing into her eyes, "but lately I'm starting to wonder." He gently combed her hair away from her brow. "Do you?"

"I did once, a long time ago," she said. "Then I realized I was just being ridiculous and gave up. But I think I had the wrong idea about it. Fate is supposed to be the unexpected, right? Not what you intended or wished for all along. I think maybe certain things are in our control, and some things are always bound to happen one way or another. And when I think about it now I can't help but wonder…"

She paused, looking up at him with wide, thoughtful eyes. "Why was_ I_ the one to find you that day?" she whispered, touching her fingertips to his chin, "Why were you still alive when I got there, when logically you should have died in the explosion or soon after from the severity of your wounds. What compelled me to save you at all? Why did I let you go? Did some part of me recognize even then, that you were meant to be more to me than a stranger or an enemy? Why could I never forget about you?"

She flushed and dropped her gaze, embarrassed, and focused on the place on his chest where the terrible wound had been, where he'd told her there was once a seal that contained his 'masterpiece' until that day. She took a slow deep breath and continued, "Other things, too. Like why did you go back to Akatsuki, and why did I end up there as well, with you as my partner?" _Why was I the one chosen for this mission_, she added in her head. Deidara regarded her with a curious expression, and she looked away self-consciously. "Sorry. I'm rambling now and I probably sound ridiculous…"

"You don't," he said. "It does all seem connected somehow." He lowered himself until their foreheads touched, his lips hovering just above hers, and his voice was just a quiet murmur, "I don't know why it all happened this way. I don't think we'll ever know, or are even _meant_ to. But…I'm glad it did."

These small confessions he sometimes gave her always made her heart soar, made her truly believe this was _right_, no matter what anyone might say. She closed her eyes against a swell of emotion and lifted her chin to meet his kiss. Her hands came up to weave into his hair as it fell over her chest and shoulders, and he held her close as their kiss deepened and grew more heated. Soon he was kissing a trail down the column of her throat, down her sternum and the valley between her breasts. Her breath quickened, fingers tightening in his hair as his tongue traced over the beginning swell toward the rosy, tightened peak. It amazed her how strong her desire for him was, how easily he worked her into the highest state of passion. He could bring her so fast it made her head spin. Already the fire was building high, spreading through her limbs. But then suddenly something was different. The heat intensified and condensed, and seemed to be coming from her…hand?

Her eyes flew open and down to her left hand, still twisted in Deidara's hair, and narrowed when she saw the telltale glow of her Akatsuki ring. At that same moment Deidara gave a low, aggravated growl and lifted his face from her chest to glare at his right hand beside her head.

"Damn it," he groaned, followed by a harried sigh as he rose to his elbows.

"Not now…" Sakura moaned. She looked up at Deidara and nearly laughed despite her annoyance at the adorable disgruntled pout on his face. "Can't we just ignore it?" she said, lifting onto her elbows as he sat up.

The 'you know better' look he gave her was answer enough, though he knew her suggestion wasn't serious. Frustrated and irritated at the interruption, they grumpily pulled their clothes on. When everything was back in place, they sat cross-legged and each formed the seal allowing them to slip into the meditative jutsu that would project their images to the designated meeting place.

* * *

It was only the second time Sakura had done it, and she was still shocked by the feeling; like half of her consciousness was sucked out of her and hurtled through space while the other half remained vaguely cognizant of her physical body and surroundings.

She was staring into a familiar vast cavern, nearly pitch-black with the entrance sealed. If she looked down she would see her black, flickering silhouette standing on the left pinky finger of an enormous stone statue, her position corresponding with her ring.

She looked to her left and saw Zetsu's massive silhouette on the other pinky, and his strange gold eyes – the only part of them, for some reason, that retained color during projection – met hers briefly before looking away. She looked past him to find Deidara four down on the index finger, flanked on either side by Pein and Konan. His blue eyes stood out vividly in the blackness as he met her gaze, and she wasn't surprised to see the irritation still lingering there. Her own eyes probably looked the same.

Sakura was sure they would be last to arrive since they'd been summoned at a _very_ inconvenient time, but they weren't; Itachi, Kisame and Hidan were still absent, and since Pein wasn't speaking yet, they must be waiting for them. It appeared to be an all-members meeting, which was rare. Something important must have happened. Anxiety built within her.

A couple minutes later Kisame's towering black shape flickered into existence next to her, followed by Itachi's between Zetsu and Konan. The shark nin grinned at her. She couldn't see the flash of sharply pointed teeth, but she knew by the familiar crinkling of his round silver eyes. She smiled back, though she doubted it reached her eyes as she was still rather miffed about being here instead of doing far more enjoyable things.

Ten more minutes passed, making it nearly twenty since the summons went out. The air was growing tense with impatience from the others, most noticeably from Pein. Normally he repressed his chakra completely, so this heavy intimidating aura meant he was very irritated indeed.

Finally Hidan flickered in on Sakura's far right. She didn't look at him. Just hearing him speak was going to be bad enough.

"Nice of you to join us, Hidan," Pein said coldly, his deep voice echoing in the vast cavern.

"I was in the middle of something. What the hell's this about?" Hidan demanded flippantly.

A wave of malevolent chakra curled out around them, whipping past Sakura toward the source of his wrath. Pein wasn't even really _there_ – none of them were – but the overwhelming power of it still made the tiny hairs raise on her arms. If that murderous intent had been aimed at _her_, she was fairly certain she'd be in a cold sweat by now. Hidan's special ability made him far too brash. She hoped it got him killed. It had to be possible; no one was _truly_ immortal. Maybe Pein would do it himself one of these days.

A long moment passed in which Pein reined in his anger, and Hidan smartly kept his mouth shut. When Pein finally spoke again all eyes turned to him.

"Time is important so I will make this short. The eight-tail jinchuuriki has been captured."

Sakura's blood ran cold.

"We're going to do it differently this time. The eight tails is the second most powerful of the bijuu, and the extraction is undoubtedly going to be long and taxing."

"How long?" Kisame wanted to know.

"One week."

Murmurs of astonishment echoed through the cavern. An entire week engaged in a jutsu of master level complexity, without sleep or proper nourishment. It sounded like suicide.

"Is that even possible?" Deidara asked skeptically, putting voice to everyone's thoughts.

"Theoretically, yes. But because we're short-handed, it will require the full extent of our combined power. The projection jutsu we're using now won't be enough. We need to be physically present this time. Three days should be long enough for everyone to get here. Make sure you are completely rejuvenated and full up on chakra, and bring soldier pills. That is all."

The silhouettes of the others began to flicker out one by one. Pein turned to Deidara, addressing him directly, his voice low enough that Sakura had to strain to hear him.

"This is Sakura's first extraction, so you'll need to teach her the seals so she can have them memorized by the time the two of you get here."

She barely heard Deidara's muted reply of "Understood." Then she let the jutsu drop, and her shadowy outline vanished from the cavern.

Her eyes opened, but she just stared blankly at the ground in front of her crossed knees. Her heart was pounding in her ears, a knot of dread hardening in the pit of her stomach. She'd barely even heard most of what Pein said during the meeting. The first sentence out of his mouth had been enough to send her into a muted panic. She could feel Deidara staring at her, but she didn't look at him.

Horrifying thoughts raced in circles in her head. The other jinchuuriki was caught. They were going to extract the demon from within them. _Extract_, aka, _kill_ them. And now the nine-tails was the only one left. They would go after Naruto next.

"Sakura."

Deidara's voice shook her out of her thoughts with a small start, and she reluctantly met his gaze. He didn't ask her if she was okay, already knowing she wasn't. He placed a hand on her shoulder, his thumb brushing her skin gently.

"Let's head back, yeah."

He didn't offer her any words of comfort, but his quiet tone let her know that he understood. She nodded grimly, grateful for his presence for what was probably the hundredth time, and stood with a resigned sigh.

#

Back in their room, Sakura began slowly and mechanically packing what few belongings she had with her, but it wasn't long before Deidara appeared behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. The pack dropped from her hands onto the bed and she just stood there, eyes closed, comforted by the feel of his larger frame enveloping her. She leaned her head back against his shoulder, and felt his lips press to the spot where her jaw met her ear.

"I'm gonna take a shower before we head out," he murmured.

Sakura nodded absently, her thoughts still twisting too much to really pay attention, even to him. Then she felt his hands move and heard the clasps of her cloak pop open, and her eyes cracked open halfway. "What are you doing?"

There was no pause in his actions. "Undressing you."

She could hear the smile in his voice. "Why?" she asked, though she was fairly certain already, and couldn't help but smile as well.

The cloak slipped from her shoulders and hit the floor, and then his fingers slipped beneath the hem of her shirt as his lips brushed the shell of her ear. "So you can join me, yeah."

The wickedly seductive way he said it, combined with his warm breath against her neck and the feel of his fingers trailing over her stomach as he began lifting her shirt up robbed her of any will to resist. He was trying to distract her, she realized, offering a temporary escape from the stress and anxiety beginning to plague her once more. With very little effort Deidara could take away her ability to think completely, and she gladly let him, turning in his arms and assisting him in the removal of their clothes as he guided them toward the bathroom.

For a blissful while he took her away from it all, to a place where only the two of them existed and all that mattered was the way he made her feel. But all too soon that wonderful escape had passed. Afterward, as she rubbed her wet hair with a towel the euphoria faded, she came down from the afterglow to find reality waiting right where she'd left it.

When Deidara went downstairs to inform Saito they were leaving, Sakura knew she had to act quickly. She practically threw her clothes on and scrambled for the tiny slip of rolled paper inside her cloak. When the seals were made and the special scroll spread out before her on the bed, she hastily scrawled the emergency message to Konoha:

_Hachibi jinchuuriki captured. Extraction in 3 days, est. time to completion: 1 week. Wind country, same location as before. All members will be physically present._

She paused, brow creasing worriedly, and then quickly wrote a second line.

_Please Shishou, don't let Naruto leave the village again for any reason. Please protect him at all costs._

It wasn't necessary to express her personal thoughts, she knew. Tsunade would undoubtedly echo them and act without any suggestion. But she felt she had to tell _someone_ how she was feeling at this moment, even if it was only a scribbled line on a piece of paper. She dated the message and made the seals, and her words twisted into little mice and scurried away. She sighed worriedly and returned the concealed scroll to her inner cloak pocket.

Ten days until the extraction was completed. Ten days until Akatsuki was one step closer to their goal. Ten days until she would have to acknowledge her part in the death of another innocent. Ten days until her best friend became the number one priority of the most dangerous organization in the world.

She had no idea how long it took for those tiny messengers to travel, since she never got return messages. The cavern in Wind that housed the sealing statue was a five day journey from Konoha at top speed, but any team sent to intercept the extraction wouldn't be from _her_ village because that would point a finger directly at her. It would be Suna. Leaf's fastest messenger hawk could reach the Hidden Sand in just under a day, and it would take two more to reach the location of the extraction. Would it be enough time?

If her message didn't reach Konoha within six days, interference would arrive too late.

She felt Deidara's presence in the hallway just as the last of the mouse trail disappeared under a crack in the floorboards. She willed herself to be calm, focusing on fastening her weapons to her person as he entered the room.

"All set?" she asked casually, without looking up.

"Yeah. He's not happy we're leaving early; probably a little worried about the deal."

"Who cares," she replied indifferently. Saito and their business here were completely insignificant at this point.

Clearly Deidara felt the same. "Exactly. Though we'll probably be sent back to finish up in a couple weeks, so I told him to keep our room reserved."

He drew up to her, and when she looked up he bent his head and kissed her, one hand curving lightly around the back of her neck. He lingered, drawing out the kiss without deepening it, and she leaned into him with a small sigh. When he pulled back he gave her that small, uneven smile she loved.

"Want to grab something to eat before we head out?"

She was too upset to be hungry, but she hadn't eaten since that afternoon and she needed to keep her energy at full capacity for what lay ahead. "Sure."

As they left, a hard knot of anxiety settled into the pit of Sakura's stomach again, and this time it refused to go away.

* * *

They'd been a week away on foot, but with their expedient method of travel the journey to southwestern Wind country should only have taken them two days tops. The entire time Sakura had been broody and anxious, in no hurry to reach their destination. Neither was Deidara it seemed, because without any discussion on the matter he simply took his time flying. They'd even stopped on the last leg for a night at a small roadside inn. They would have been a day early otherwise, and would have had to wait it out until the others arrived.

Sakura wondered if the leisurely pace was his way of offering her support, so that she would only have to be there for as little time as possible. Surely _he_ wasn't bothered about doing something he'd done several times before.

She brought it up as they began the half-mile walk out of town to where they left their transport.

"How many times have you done this?" she asked, squinting up at his profile and cursing the hasty loss of her kasa nearly six weeks ago. It was only spring, but the sun and heat were already beginning their seasonal tyranny over this part of the world.

"All of them. This makes eight, yeah," he answered, glancing down at her. His brow furrowed as he looked away.

She could tell it wasn't the sun he was frowning against. "What's wrong?"

He shot her another quick glance. "This is your first time doing it..."

"Uh huh…?"

"You don't know what it's like," he explained with a sigh. "It's extremely hard on the body, holding a jutsu of that difficulty for days. Exhaustion, hunger and dehydration, chakra fatigue…and this one's going to be a lot harder than the others, yeah."

Sakura considered his words. "When Sasori poisoned Kankurou, I was the one who saved him," she said. "I spent two days filtering the poison from his blood without sleep or food, only water and a soldier pill. And after that I spent another full day creating an antidote. High-level medical jutsu can be very taxing, so I think I've got some good stamina built up."

"Two days isn't the same as seven," he argued. "And this is going to be a lot harder than a medical jutsu. The rest of us have all done it several times, so we know what to expect and have a bit of a tolerance for it. But _you_…"

Sakura couldn't help but smile a little. "Are you worried about me?" she asked slyly.

Deidara sighed and turned his eyes forward again. The seconds ticked by as she continued to watch him.

"A little," he finally muttered.

She grinned, touched and amused by his awkwardness. She knew he cared; he showed her all the time, and the fact that he was fretting over her now proved it. But when it came to verbally admitting anything he was as obstinate and macho as ever. She reached out and took his hand, threading her fingers through his. "I'm sure I'll be fine. I have perfect chakra control, so I'll be able to regulate my output better than all of you. If I make sure to only use the bare minimum, I should have no problems," she said, sounding far more confident than she actually felt. She gave his fingers a reassuring squeeze, and smiled again when he squeezed back.

After a minute she looked up at him, curious. "How is that cavern intact again anyway? I did my best to turn it into a pile of rubble, after all."

Deidara looked down at her with a proud smirk. "I fixed it."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "All by yourself?"

He gave a small, conceding shrug. "Well, Leader helped because he's the only other Akatsuki who can use doton jutsu of that level. But it was mostly me, yeah."

Sakura shook her head, impressed. She knew Deidara was an elite shinobi with more than just a bag of exploding clay, but she hadn't really thought about what those other skills might be. "So where does the statue come from? It wasn't there when I fought Sasori, but it's in there every time we have meetings."

He grinned mischievously. "You'll see. If it's not already up when we get there."

She decided not to prod for the answer. It must be impressive if he wanted her to see it in person. Up ahead, the rock formation and small scrub thicket where they left their transport came into view. "So do you know who captured the jinchuuriki?" she asked him.

"Konan, I assume. It was assigned to her." He shook his head with a huff of mirthless laughter. "_I_ should have been assigned the eight-tail, yeah."

She frowned in wary curiosity. "Why?"

"Didn't you know? The Hachibi is a bird demon."

Sakura blinked. "No I didn't know that…so why Konan and not you?"

His expression soured a little, clearly still wondering that himself. "Konan is the only one besides me who can fight aerially. She got the eight-tail instead of me because the jinchuuriki is a rogue nin who'd be easy to capture out in the wild. I got the one-tail because while the demon itself couldn't fly, its jinchuuriki _could_. Konan is pretty badass, but she's not daring enough to raid one of the most powerful hidden villages and attack its Kage. Konan also wouldn't have been able to defeat the Kazekage without going all out and killing him in the process, and a jinchuuriki needs to be captured alive, yeah."

His smug and flippant tone sent a sudden spike of anger through her. Her jaw set resentfully and she pulled her hand from his.

Deidara stared incredulously as she quickened her pace. "What?"

"You talk about jinchuuriki like they're animals you hunt for sport. They're _people_, Deidara. Human beings!"

"I never said they weren't. What the hell is with you all of a sudden?"

It took a moment for her to answer. "Gaara is my friend. In don't need to be reminded of what you did to him," she said stiffly, without looking back.

He gaped at her, and then frowned. "What I – hey, I was just doing my job!"

She stopped and whirled on him with a fierce glare. "Oh! So using the corpse of your enemy as a fucking sofa cushion was just part of your_ job_?"

He scowled at her. "It was a bad day, okay? I'd just had my fucking arm nearly ground off…by _him_, I might add!"

"So that makes it _okay_?" She didn't like being reminded that his moral compass was much broader than hers.

Deidara was angry now as well. "Don't act like _you_ don't hold grudges or have a nasty temper too, Sakura! How many times have you lost it just because someone _said_ something offensive to you, huh?"

Now it was her turn to gape. But her jaw quickly snapped shut, because deep down she knew he was right. She knew she tended to overreact violently more than was probably healthy.

The seconds ticked by as they glared at each other. Then Sakura sighed and crossed her arms, looking down at her dust covered boots. She knew what this was about; she was only picking a fight to distract herself from what was really bothering her. She shouldn't take it out on Deidara. He was the only one on her side. Mostly, anyway. Finally she looked up at him, her scowl fading. "I don't want to fight with you Deidara, especially not about things in the past," she said tiredly.

"Then why did you start." His tone was firm, but no longer held any real anger.

She sighed again and ran her hands through her hair. "I didn't mean to. I'm just really stressed… I'm not looking forward to this. You know that." She took a step toward him and grasped the front of his cloak, giving a gentle tug. "Sorry I went off on you. In the future…let's not talk about stuff that happened before we were friends, okay?"

Deidara nodded and grasped her shoulders, rubbing her arms once before pulling her to his chest. "Fine by me, yeah."

She pressed her cheek to the sun-warmed fabric of his cloak, and he lightly kissed the top of her head. All was forgiven, and after a few moments passed they continued toward their waiting transport.

* * *

The sun was at its zenith when they descended to the bottom of the great canyon and dismounted in front of the enormous sealed cavern. Sakura was hit with a strong sense of déjà vu as she crossed the bed of loose river rocks to stand at the narrow bank of the tributary that cut through the gorge. Only this time she wouldn't have to smash through the monstrous boulder serving as a door.

This time, she wasn't here to save the day.

The hard knot in her stomach began to unravel and spread through her limbs in icy waves of dread. Dread at what she was about to witness, what she was about to participate in, at the mask she would have to wear again to protect her loved ones.

That mask was becoming easier to wear as time went on, and she was beginning to fear _herself_.

She stared up at the towering Torii gate in front of the entrance, squinting against the midday brightness. A hawk screeched mournfully as it passed overhead, reminding her that there was still a shred of hope.

Seven more days. Would it be enough time?

Sakura was suddenly filled with a selfish, impatient anger. How much longer would she have to put herself through this! How many more pieces of her humanity did she need to break off! Something like this wasn't even supposed to be _happening_, otherwise what the hell was she even doing here! What was Konoha doing with all the information she sent them, if not working to prevent this exact thing!

Deidara stopped silently next to her. She didn't look at him directly, only seeing the sun reflect off his hair in golden highlights. His laid-back presence was comforting for the most part, soothing the frayed edges of her nerves. But it was also a bit angering in itself, because she didn't like how blasé he was about the whole situation.

"Are you ready for this?" he asked quietly.

"No," she snapped.

He kept his eyes forward, as if he'd expected her harsh reaction. He could probably tell by her chakra, or body language. Or maybe he just knew her that well.

Sakura breathed in, slow and deep, and tried to release some of her tension with the exhale. Finally she turned her head to look at him. "I'm not ready," she said more calmly, "but I'm…resigned."

Deidara nodded faintly, and his eyes held unspoken understanding. Perhaps he didn't empathize – _couldn't_, really, as he had no comparison, and he was far more jaded than she was in any case – but she could see that part of him was bothered by her turmoil. More proof that he really did care about her. She couldn't quite bring herself to smile at him, but hoped her eyes conveyed how grateful she was to have him by her side.

"Come on," he said, focusing again on the boulder sealing the entrance. "We don't want to be the last to show up, yeah."

Sakura nodded resolutely, and together they channeled chakra to the soles of their feet and walked across the river's surface to stand directly beneath the towering red gate. Deidara raised his ring hand in command, and within moments the paper seal on the massive stone began to glow. With a loud rumble the door rose, water churning and sloshing around its edges as it broke the surface. When the grinding and shuddering finally ceased and all was still, they moved forward and passed beneath the dripping stone slab.

Sakura willed her heart to beat normally as thin rivulets of water trickled onto her head and shoulders. The water's edge was manmade; a half moon cut into the rock floor, something she hadn't noticed her first time here. It made her wonder if this cavern wasn't natural at all, if it was carved out for this very purpose. She cast a sidelong glance at Deidara, wondering if he may have been part of its construction.

They weren't alone, of course. As they stepped onto the bank and moved further away from the bright daylight behind them, several figures could be seen back in the shadows of the vast cavern. Pein, Konan, and Zetsu were standing in a loose cluster, and Sakura could see as she got closer, behind them on the ground, was the still form of a man. The jinchuuriki. She did her best not to look at him just yet, and felt some small relief when Pein and Konan moved toward them.

"It's good you're here early," Pein said, his strange eyes falling on the medic as the two pairs drew up to each other.

Sakura was inclined to disagree with that statement, but kept her expression even as she waited for him to continue.

"Konan was injured while fighting the jinchuuriki," he explained. "Are you able to spare some chakra to heal her?"

Sakura blinked in surprise and automatically started toward the other kunoichi, healer's instinct moving her feet before she even thought about it. "Of course. I may only be able to give minimal treatment, but I'll do what I can."

It occurred to her suddenly, when she saw Pein's expression as he watched his partner, that this was probably the reason for his impatience and unusually short temper at the meeting.

Sakura noted how ragged Konan looked; her skin was clammy and paler than usual, and there were dark circles beneath her already cosmetically blackened eyes. She liked Konan, but she couldn't help but feel glad that the jinchuuriki – whoever he was – hadn't gone down without a hard fight. "Where are you hurt?"

"Here," she replied as she lifted the bloody, torn left sleeve of her cloak to reveal a long, horrendous gash on the back of her forearm.

Sakura grimaced as she took her arm. It went all the way to the bone.

"I think my ribs are broken as well," she added, touching her side with a small wince.

"Open your cloak, please," she instructed, gently releasing her injured arm.

Konan did as asked with her good arm. Sakura had never seen Konan without her cloak. She wore a high-necked, navy dress-like garment that split at the midriff, revealing a pierced navel, and snug black leggings beneath her thigh-length boots.

"They're definitely broken…three of them," Sakura informed, feeling gingerly along Konan's left flank. "I'll take care of them first, though only enough to stop the pain. Can you lift your shirt back a little more?"

Konan did as asked, revealing more alabaster skin. Sakura was suddenly aware of Pein, as he had abruptly become rather tense. Deidara hadn't even been looking at Konan, let alone at her bare stomach, and when he finally did it was merely detached observation, but apparently simply being male was enough to warrant an uncharacteristically possessive glare from their leader. Catching on, Deidara huffed in exasperation and rolled his eyes before turning and walking towards Zetsu and the unconscious jinchuuriki. Wryly amused, Sakura focused again on Konan's heavily bruised ribcage.

As she finished setting Konan's ribs a shadow blocked the sunlight from the open doorway behind her. She looked over her shoulder to see Itachi and Kisame had arrived. Her gaze only lingered a moment before she turned back to Konan and began working on her arm.

"Don't waste too much chakra," the other woman cautioned, "the extraction process is very exhausting."

"I won't," Sakura promised. "I'll just close the wound so you don't get an infection or suffer any more blood loss, or else _you'll_ be the one collapsing." She closed the wound, though it remained raw and reddened, and finished up with a strip of heavy bandage from her medic's apron. "There. Think you can make it through like that?"

"Yes."

"Careful not to reopen it. I'll finish up after. Well…as soon as I'm able, anyway."

"Thank you."

Sakura returned the remainder of bandage to her apron as Konan closed her cloak, and then the three of them walked to where the others waited.

#

That was when Sakura got her first full glimpse of the eight-tail jinchuuriki.

He was in his late thirties at least, with the brawny build of a lifelong warrior. His features were rugged and grizzly, with a hooked nose that made him look as if he truly could have a bird spirit inside him. He was a hardened man, with multitudes of battle scars and a dark, unfriendly look, even in unconsciousness. This was one of the jinchuuriki who resented what they were and turned against the village that created them. It was hard to be sure, but she thought she may have even seen him in a Bingo book. But did the knowledge that he wasn't an innocent make it easier to take part in ending his life this way?

In a small way it _did_, and she despised herself for her hypocrisy.

Sakura didn't have time to dwell on what a bad person she'd become, because Pein was crossing further into the shadows of the cavern, and all eyes watched him as if he was about to do something important. With his back to them, he began making hand seals. Then he knelt and slammed his palm to the ground. Instantly there was a deafening roar; a deep, groaning rumble as a cloud of dust and rock burst upward several meters in front of them. The ground trembled and the cavern walls shook. Her eyes widened, for above the cloud of dust a giant shape was rising from the earth. The sealing statue.

Deidara appeared at her side. "Told you you needed to see it for yourself."

Sakura only nodded, her gaze fixated on the emergence of the colossal statue. It was much more intimidating and chilling in person. It fascinated her. She would have thought it awesome if she didn't know what it was for.

When it was fully risen and the dust had mostly settled, Pein turned around to face them.

"Prepare yourselves," his deep voice commanded.

Everyone moved to their corresponding places. Deidara gave her a faint smile and a long, almost wistful look, then jogged over and leapt to his place. Sakura took a deep, steadying breath and jumped up to her own. From the way the hands were held palm inward, her position on the left pinky gave her a front and center view of the macabre stone face. She also had a perfect view of Pein passing below her, between the raised hands, as he carried the unconscious jinchuuriki and placed him at the base of the statue. Afterward he jumped to his position on the right thumb.

And then they waited, again, because they weren't all present yet. Again. For once Sakura was glad Hidan was holding them up. The longer this took the better chance it would be interrupted, the jinchuuriki saved, and Akatsuki's plans foiled. Although Pein might decide to kill Hidan after they were finished. That outcome was perfectly fine with her as well.

The entryway was still open behind them as they waited for the last member, sunbeams streaking the air in a way that seemed unnatural, as if unwelcome by the vast gloom and the deeper darkness contained within it. Sakura thought the slab would have closed behind them, and reopen each time the others arrived. But now she began to realize why it didn't. From what she knew, the extraction was usually done using the remote telepathy jutsu, with only the capturing pair and the jinchuuriki being physically present. But this time they were_ all_ here, all eight Akatsuki members, in all their elite, fully charged power. The apparent lack of concern for their security was perfectly reasonable, as it would be perfectly effortless to rip apart anyone who tried to intrude.

No need to keep a locked door when the house was full of monsters.

In that moment Sakura began to fear for any attempted interception that might be coming. Any less than a small army and they wouldn't stand a chance. She'd included the information that all eight of them would be there in her message, so she could only hope they realized how dangerous it would be and respond accordingly.

What if Suna _did_ send a small army? Sakura wouldn't be able to avoid fighting them, and certainly they had no orders to spare or exfiltrate her. Her sham missing-nin status was absolute, even among Konoha's allies. And what about Deidara? How would she manage to get him out of this, if it did come to a fight? Reckless as he was, he would want to be smack in the middle of it. What would she have to say to get him to leave with her?

Hidan had finally arrived, and without so much as a glance or word to anyone, crossed the cavern and leapt up to his position on the statue.

Now that they were all there the stone slab finally began to close, the sunlight disappearing inch by inch until they were enveloped in near-blackness. With effort, Sakura forced her thoughts away from hypothetical what-ifs and directed her attention to Pein as he began speaking.

"As I said before, this time it will take seven days and nights. It will not be easy. The Hachibi is strong and will fight to retain its host. But our purpose is clear, and we must succeed in this or die trying."

The air was very still, and Sakura had a feeling she wasn't the only one who wasn't quite as fervent about at that idea as their leader was.

"I have faith that it will not come to that. We are not at full strength, but those who remain are the best of our numbers. We will not fail. Kisame."

"Yes?"

"Since you have more chakra stamina than all of us combined, will you be able to provide ten percent more output than normal to make up for any slack?"

The shark snickered confidently. "Sure. In fact, I could give fifteen."

"That would help greatly. Just don't overdo it."

"Got it."

Pein's ringed gaze passed over the rest of them in turn. "That goes for all of you. Regulate your chakra as best as possible, and take your soldier pills now as you won't be able to once the ritual begins. Our medic won't be able to help you if you collapse; she will have her own strain to deal with."

Small shuffling noises could be heard as everyone popped their pills. Sakura did as well, grimacing at having to swallow the bitter pill dry. But she took it gladly, because with the stamina boosting vitamins in her system she wouldn't need to tap into her own energy source for at least two days.

Suddenly a loud clang echoed in the cavern, and she looked up with a start to see that Pein had released the iron bit between the statue's gaping jaws. The chains broke with a loud metallic snap and fell to the ground below.

Silence reigned for a long moment, and then Pein spoke the words she had been silently dreading to hear.

"Let's begin."

The hand seals Deidara had shown her were simple but very complex in their arrangement, and there were an astounding fifty of them. Sakura was glad she learned fast because now as one, the members began the long string of seals at one second intervals, all well-practiced except for her. She kept up easily, but every perfect, evenly timed seal felt like the ticking down of a bomb. She forced herself not to think about what was happening and concentrate on the immediate task. There was no way out of this for her, and the salvation of the jinchuriki wasn't in her hands. She couldn't let anxiety distract her or she would be in big trouble.

It ended with the seal of the tiger, the one they would hold throughout, and Sakura opened her eyes as the stone beneath her feet began to glow an eerie green. The other fingertips glowed as well, marked with the symbol of the ring they each wore, illuminating the darkness in a manner befitting a horror movie. When eight fingertips glowed steadily a deafening wail filled the air; a grotesque rushing sound that preceded the swirling blue-white cloud of light that emerged from the throat of the statue. Above the noise, Sakura heard Pein speak the the command of this terrible ritual.

"Sealing jutsu: Phantom Dragon's Nine Seals."

With his words the jutsu came alive, and nine glowing serpents descended from the open mouth to envelop the jinchuuriki. The body of the unconscious man was lifted into the air and held there, levitating as the smoky bluish light swirled around him. A few moments later an orange light, which she recognized as demon chakra, began to spill forth from his eyes and mouth.

Power surged through her body in a rush, and slowly began to drain. Sakura closed her eyes and willed herself into a semi-meditative state as the extraction process began. She had no notion of time at first, in the unchanging darkness. Her eyes remained closed, her mind as detached as she could possibly make it, grateful that all that was required of her was to hold the jutsu and allow her chakra to slowly leak into it. Any deeper involvement in this nightmare might be too much to bear.

Eventually there were a few indicators of time's passage. First was the need to sit, though she had no idea how many hours passed before it became too tiring to stand. She wasn't alone in this, and eventually all eight of them sat cross-legged in their places, the tiger seal still held up before them. Second was the soldier pill wearing off, marking the beginning of the third day. That was when the real trial began. Next was the slow cracking of the statue's eyes as the stone filled with the demon's chakra. When all nine eyes were fully open, it would be over.

The jinchuuriki himself was what broke Sakura out of her pseudo-trance and forced her eyes open. In the beginning he was groaning as the demon chakra was sucked out of him. But as time went on those groans turned to moans, then to wails, then to a torturous agonized scream that rent her conscience all the way to the core. They were slowly killing him. _She_ was slowly killing him. She prayed to whatever gods were listening that help would arrive in time and ignored it as best she could. If her focus broke and the jutsu slipped, she could very well die here too.

Hours passed unnoticed, though the effects were felt by all of them. How many days had passed now, Sakura wondered. When would Sand get here? Had they gotten her message in time? Would help be coming at all?

Another tormented scream was ripped from the man floating only a few meters in front of her. Her eyes locked onto him automatically at the abrupt sound, and she instantly wished they hadn't. Her vision blurred with exhaustion, and as she stared at the jinchuuriki his rugged features seemed to smooth, grow younger, his dark hair becoming blond, his cries taking on a tone that she knew well.

Her eyes snapped closed quickly, burning with more than just fatigue, and she grit her teeth tightly as she forced her mind to go blank once more.

Eventually the man stopped screaming. Sakura didn't open her eyes again, didn't check the statue's eyes to see how far they were opened, but the sluggish, exhaustive pull of chakra from her body seemed to be lessening. It was nearly over, and whatever spark of hope remained for an interruption now died.

There hadn't been enough time. Nobody was coming.

Just when she thought she couldn't take anymore, when she was sure she was about to pass out, her eyes snapped open. The pull had stopped. The rushing swirl of bluish light was retreating, taking the last trickle of orange demon chakra with it. All nine eyes stared wide into the depths of the cavern. The body of the jinchuuriki sank slowly to the ground, eternally still. Sakura could not look, afraid of the face she might see.

Pein's voice filled the suddenly silent air. "It's finished."

One by one the stone eyes began to close. Sakura put her head in her hands, affording herself a long moment of despair. They would all think it exhaustion anyway.

"Good job everyone. Get yourselves together and meet me on the ground."

Sakura didn't bother standing and jumping, merely turned around and slid off the rounded edge. Her landing was harder and louder than usual, and she wasn't the only one. Another loud rumble shook the ground as the statue began to sink back into the earth. She walked listlessly to the area near the entrance where Pein was standing, in the place with the most light.

As the others converged around their leader she noted their varying states of fatigue. She wasn't surprised to see Konan near collapse, and it didn't escape her notice the way Pein subtly hovered near her, ready to catch her at the slightest stumble. Itachi looked nearly as bad; the shadows under his eyes deeper than usual, his pale skin almost ashen. Deidara reached her side and met her gaze. There were dark smudges below his eyes, now a dull, tired grey instead of vibrant blue. He hadn't looked this worn down even when he'd been skewered. His haggard appearance pulled at her, but tending to him was impossible because she had nothing left to give. They were all sallow and pale, and visibly thinner than before. They all looked like hell, and she knew she looked the same.

"It's not wise for us to travel in our current states," Pein said, his deep voice betraying a hint of strain, though it retained its commanding tone. "I will use a teleportation jutsu to return us directly to Rain. Make contact. "

Zetsu stepped back, staying behind, no doubt to dispose of any evidence. Sakura blocked the thought out before it made her even sicker than she already felt.

The rest all grasped someone else's cloak sleeve. Sakura closed her eyes, knowing if she didn't, the dizziness of teleportation would likely make her pass out. She felt a pull behind her navel and a brief feeling of weightlessness, and when it ended she sluggishly opened her eyes to find herself standing in the lobby of Akatsuki headquarters.

Without another word they dispersed and headed through the heavy double doors and made straight for their quarters, shuffling down the corridor like a pack of zombies. Sakura would have laughed at the picture they made if she wasn't nearly dead on her feet. In the current state of things no one spared a second glance when Sakura automatically followed Deidara into his room.

* * *

As soon as the door closed, she gave a bone-weary sigh and began lethargically removing her cloak.

"I'm gonna sleep for a month, yeah," Deidara said, sounding half-asleep already.

"Sound's perfect," she agreed. "Before we do we should drink some water; we're already critically dehydrated."

"Yes, Doctor," he sighed, exasperated, but turned and plodded into the bathroom.

Once she'd clumsily and numbly managed to strip down to her shorts and tank top, she wrestled down the comforter and crawled in, leaving the covers down for Deidara.

She was almost too tired to think about what she'd done. Almost. She was disgusted with herself, irrationally, because she knew she'd had no choice and had done all she could to prevent it. All the same, she felt dirty, tainted deep down inside where she could never heal. She really was an Akatsuki now, regardless of motive. People are defined by their actions. It's not what one _intends_, but what one _does_ that determines the way the world perceives them. The world at large would perceive her as a monster.

Now Akatsuki was one step further in the game. They had put the rest of the world in check, only needing that final move to solidify their victory.

Sakura would do everything in her power to make sure that never happened. What happened to that man would _not_ happen to Naruto. After seeing it firsthand, being partly responsible for it, she was more determined than ever.

Deidara returned with a freshly filled water bottle he'd pulled up from somewhere. He drank half of it and passed it to her, and she eagerly finished it off as he pulled the tie from his hair. He'd already changed into loose jogging pants while in the other room and wasted no time diving into the bed, grabbing the empty bottle from her hand and chucking it before pulling her down with him into the soft crimson sheets.

Sakura sighed, relishing the cool pillow against her cheek and the warmth of his body around hers as she curled into him. He slipped one arm beneath the pillow and draped the other around her shoulders, his hand lazily tangling into her hair, and found the last bit of energy to softly kiss her brow.

Within seconds they were dead to the world, and neither would wake for nearly two days.


	13. Stumbling Soul

**Vertigo**

Chapter Thirteen: Stumbling Soul

* * *

_Smoky bluish light swirls around her, filling the corners of her vision. There is movement in the shadows beyond; dark figures filled with even darker intentions. She is one of them; a menacing shadow, a thing of darkness. Her eyes glow an eerie, sinister green, illuminated by an unnatural light from below. She does not look for its source. Her eyes remain fixed on a single object in front of her._

_A man floats before her in the darkness, enveloped by the blue-white light. It curls around him in thick, caressing tendrils, seeps into his motionless body and back out again, bringing another light – an angry orange – out with it. The man screams as the orange light bound to his life-force begins to leave him, but the sound does not move her. Her expression remains blank, cold, unfeeling as she watches him. _

_Somewhere in the recesses of her mind a voice whispers something long forgotten. Her empty expression loses some of its detachment as she realizes she _knows_ – as surely as she knows she is one with the dark things surrounding her – she knows this man's face. Once, in another life, this man was precious to her. Her head tilts a fraction to the side as she studies him with more interest than before. His face is young and handsome and open, and she knows without knowing why that if he smiled the entire world would seem brighter. He is golden and warm and reminds her of the sun; another thing she cannot remember clearly, so long has the darkness surrounded her. Another hidden, lost thought comes to surface, of a vow to protect this man, and the certainty that she would have given her life to do so. _

_That thought is strange to her, because now the very opposite is occurring. _He_ is dying for _her_, for the others like her in the shadows, to fulfill their dark ambition. The strange thoughts are hollow and far away, but this is happening now, and so she continues to watch. _

_Suddenly the man's eyes fly open and lock onto hers, and she is caught by them and cannot look away. His eyes are vibrant and blue as the summer ocean, and as they stare into hers they are full of fear and recognition and strangest of all – betrayal. _

"_Sakura!"_

_The sound of her name from his lips, inflected with pain, almost – _almost_ – disturbs her. Why should he call her name? Why does he look at her like that? He is merely a necessary sacrifice, a means to an end. He is nothing to her. _

"_Sakuraaaa!" he cries again, eyes glistening, piercing through her. "Help me! Sakura-chaaaan! _

_He calls her name between screams of agony, again and again. Every tortured syllable from his lips is like a fist banging on a door to some room inside her soul that she has locked and long since lost the key to._

_She blinks slowly and something inside of her cracks – perhaps that very door – and suddenly she _remembers_. She remembers his face, his smile, his warmth…remembers who he is and what he meant to her, remembers her vow and her willing sacrifice. She remembers his name, and her lips form it numbly and whisper it into the darkness._

"_Naruto."_

_A single tear slides down her cheek. But her eyes remain empty, her expression blank. The part of her that remembers remains trapped within that room. She is part of the darkness now, and the key to that place is gone forever._

_Another scream tears the air, but the voice of a man she once loved no longer holds the power to move her. She watches, detached, as the last of his life-force is sucked out of him. His gaze holds hers still, but her eyes remain empty as he gives a final, agonized scream._

"_Sakura! Whyyyyyy!"_

Sakura woke screaming.

She thrashed wildly for a moment and then went still, and through her panicked sobbing she became aware of strong arms holding her tight. She clung to him, shaking and desperate, knowing his presence, his touch, would chase away her demons.

It was silent in the dark room, save for the sound of her gasps and her pounding heart. Her eyes cracked open to see him, to find proof that this was real, that _he_ was real, that the other place was only a nightmare. His eyes – a different shade of blue – were filled with quiet concern and something more that made her want to cry again for entirely different reasons. Her eyes slipped closed again when his lips pressed to her brow.

The minutes passed silently as he softly stroked her hair and her trembling ceased, her body relaxing slowly until she finally returned to sleep.

* * *

Sakura sighed for what was probably the twentieth time that afternoon, wishing now that she'd gone with Deidara to watch him train, aka, blow shit up. But like the ever-responsible workaholic she was, she'd decided to stay behind.

After six months in Akatsuki, Zetsu had finally offered her access to his greenhouse, and she figured turning down such a significant gesture would be unappreciative and rude. And she definitely didn't want to get on the bad side of an eight foot-tall carnivorous plant-man. Zetsu wasn't here now, which was precisely why she'd timed her visit for this afternoon. He still gave her the creeps, because he always had a look in his eye like he'd rather be eating her than talking to her. She didn't know if he did that to everyone or if it was just her, but she'd rather not find out. He'd told her beforehand what to avoid touching and which plants she didn't even want to _breathe_ near, and had given her an extra key.

For the first hour or so she'd been thoroughly fascinated by the little green world the plant-man had created, filled with just about every species of flora she'd ever heard of and several more that she hadn't, many so strange and exotic that Zetsu must have gone halfway around the world to find them. Some were even creepier than their owner, and that was saying something. But soon the fun was over and she'd set to work harvesting various herbs and plant toxins to refill her supply of medicines and poisons.

Now as she stood at a small worktable and meticulously ground several various leaves into an indistinguishable mush, she was bored out of her mind.

She glanced sourly at the glass walls and roof, noting tiny drops of condensation clinging everywhere on the lightly tinted panes. It was unbearably hot and humid in Ame this time of year, and there wasn't even any direct sunlight to make up for it. The sky remained overcast nearly every day, and sometimes it still rained, even in summer. Being up in the mountains with Deidara right now would be much more enjoyable than her current task – not to mention much cooler. Sakura sighed again, as long and heavy as she could make it, pointedly expressing her displeasure with the universe today. The grinding sound of the mortar and pestle was rhythmic and tedious, and soon caused her mind to wander.

They had finished up their business with Saito several weeks ago, and since then all missions had been dull and insignificant. Sakura had the feeling that even though she'd been in Akatsuki for half a year now, she still wasn't trusted with anything more important than bribe exchanges and recon. It seemed like Deidara wasn't trusted much either, and she didn't really have a solid theory about why. It was tiresome, but honestly it was okay with her. At least she hadn't had to kill again.

She wiped a bead of sweat from her temple with the back of her hand and took a deep breath, which evolved into an extended yawn. On top of being bored witless and miserably uncomfortable from the one-hundred percent humidity, she was exhausted. She'd slept longer than usual, but it felt like she hadn't slept at all. Recurring nightmares about murdering your best friend tended to do that.

Two months had passed since she'd been forced to participate in the Hachibi extraction.

Whenever she thought about it she was filled with self-loathing and the knowledge that she would be forever darkened by the things she'd done since joining Akatsuki. What would Naruto think of her if he knew? He probably knew already. After recovering from the week-long ordeal she'd learned that Sand _had_ shown up to stop them, but arrived several hours after they'd already left.

It frustrated her that she hadn't heard a word of Konoha's movements in all this time. Akatsuki had spies everywhere, but they had nothing to report about the Leaf village. Since it wasn't safe to receive messages it was her only way of knowing what might be happening at home. The plan was to take down the organization, so when were they going to make a move? She was giving them all the info she had—wasn't it enough? What were they waiting for? Did Naruto have to be captured before they actually did anything? That was probably the reason for the sudden resurgence of nightmares. The unknown worried her. It also made her angry and resentful.

Sakura felt abandoned, stranded out here and left to fend for herself. She was stumbling around in the darkness and chipping away pieces of her soul, and for what? Did anything she was putting herself through even matter?

Last night was the first time in a couple weeks that the nightmares had come, but just because they weren't as frequent didn't mean they were going to stop. They were ridiculous anyway; she would never do that to Naruto. If he _was_ somehow caught she would blow her cover in an instant and help him escape or die trying. She knew this with utmost certainty, but the subconscious fear that moral compromise was becoming easier, that she was losing her humanity more and more each day, continued to haunt her.

Every time the nightmares came, Deidara was there for her. He never said a word during those times and had never once asked her why, just held her close as she trembled with fear and guilt, until she relaxed enough to sleep again. If not for him holding her together, she would have fallen over the edge long ago. She could tell herself she was only sleeping with him; a physical convenience, a way to relieve stress. But it would be a lie. She didn't know exactly how to define what it was between them, all she knew was that it was something real and solid and _necessary_. She wasn't using him, and she didn't feel used by him either. Genuine feelings had grown between them before their relationship ever went to a physical level, and now she'd become so entwined with Deidara, needed him and everything he did for her so much, that she didn't know what she would do without him anymore. And it frightened her.

This was never part of the plan. She was never supposed to get attached to any of them, and this had gone so much further than attachment. Sakura couldn't help herself. Deidara was like a drug—her only source of comfort even though he was ultimately bad for her. Well, bad for her career and reputation at least. On a personal level he was very good for her, possibly the best thing to happen to her in years. Because of that, she was torn, afraid it would all spin out of control and come crashing down around her because technically, on paper and in every official aspect, he was an enemy.

Only he _wasn't_. She hadn't thought of him that way for a long time. He was_ Konoha's_ enemy, not hers, and the fact that she separated herself from the village collective was what she should really worry about. Instead she worried about how she was going to make this thing with him work when her mission ended and she had to return home. Would there even _be_ a way? How would she tell him, and would he even want her when he knew? Would she have to let him go? She couldn't even imagine doing so. Just thinking about it hurt. She was a selfish, terrible person for indulging her weakness, but she refused to give him up. She was in way too deep to escape unscarred.

Blinking slowly, Sakura surfaced from her reverie as a pigeon landed on the greenhouse roof, its talons scraping faintly as it gained a perch. She'd stopped grinding and had been staring into space for who knew how long, and with a glance down at the contents of the stone bowl she realized she was finished here. She sighed again – what number was this now? – and filed her thoughts away for another time. She cleaned up her mess and dumped the crushed mixture into a small plastic bag. She would lay them out in the infirmary, near the window; they'd never dry out in this damp greenhouse. She retrieved her cloak from the table and slipped the bag into the inner pocket, then draped it over her elbow and headed outside.

#

She had nearly reached the door to the infirmary when she was suddenly grabbed from behind by two strong hands.

The abruptness of it startled her, but she didn't fight against the unseen assailant because she knew those hands and the arms that encircled her waist, spinning her around into the very room she'd been heading toward. His chakra was completely masked – to sneak up on her no doubt – but she didn't need chakra to recognize his presence.

Before she knew what was happening she was pressed against the wall inside the infirmary, a few feet from the door, pinned in the most delicious way by his larger form. Light leaked through the blinds on the window, casting a dusky glow across the unlit room. The light didn't reach where he'd moved them and his features were shadowed, but she could see his wicked smirk and the devious glint in his eye quite clearly in the few seconds before he crushed his lips to hers. His kiss was hungry and purposeful and sent a toe-curling thrill through her body. She knew what it meant when he kissed her like this, and heat flooded her core as she was filled with greedy anticipation.

"You're back early?" she sighed when he broke away to trail lustful kisses down her neck. Her cloak was bunched up on the floor a few feet away; she hadn't realized when exactly he'd pulled it from her hands. But since they were free now, she eagerly slid them up his chest and began unfastening his cloak.

Deidara chuckled quietly against her throat. "I've been gone all day, Sakura." He untangled his fingers from her hair to tug at the zipper of her shirt, pulling it down just enough to place a hot, wet kiss at the hollow of her throat. "And I ran out of clay."

She'd really lost track of time today. But it didn't matter anymore. All that mattered right now was _this_. "That's a lot of explosions," she breathed.

"But not enough," he replied, only a muffled murmur as he wouldn't take his mouth off her for even a moment. "And the best explosions are the ones _you_ give me."

She couldn't help but laugh, a short, breathy sound. "I see…so right this moment you're just using me to get your art fix?"

He smirked against her skin, and his reply was broken as he paused between words to kiss a trail across her throat and up the other side of her neck, "Maybe…mostly…is that a problem?"

"Not really." She slipped her hands beneath his shirt, fingernails lightly grazing over his firm abs.

He took hold of her wrists, pinning them above her head with one hand. "Good," he murmured against her lips, and then fused his mouth to hers in another heated kiss.

She couldn't break free of his grip with natural strength alone, but she didn't want to in any case. He was the artist and she was his canvas, his muse, and when he got like this it was best to relinquish control and let him have his way with her. He always made sure she enjoyed every second of it. But when he unzipped her shirt the rest of the way and trailed his fingers under the lacy edge of her bra, a little warning bell rang in the back of her passion-fuddled mind. "Wait…_here_?"

"Here," he murmured against her exposed collarbone.

"We shouldn't – nnnghh." She cut off when his thumb brushed firmly across her nipple.

"Mhm…why not?"

He did it again, followed by his palm cupping the soft globe, the mouth there closing hotly around the hardened peak through the thin fabric. He was playing dirty, robbing her of any will to resist.

"The…door's still…open," she gasped, eyes flicking briefly to the partly open door before sliding closed as another hot mouth enclosed her other nipple.

"And?" He watched her with a deviously amused smirk, knowing she was going to lose the battle soon.

"Someone could walk in…" Her protests sounded weak to her own ears.

One hand released her breast and caressed down her stomach, slipping beneath her shorts and panties. His fingers brushed lightly against her. "So…let them."

Her head fell back against the wall and a low moan escaped her lips. He was wicked and he didn't play fair, but she couldn't find argument anymore. Screw doors. Doors were overrated. Let somebody walk in. She didn't care anymore, just so long as he didn't stop.

She had to bite her lip to suppress a strangled moan when he slowly slipped a finger inside of her. She rolled her hips forward and strained against his hold on her wrists, and after a moment he finally released her. Her newly freed hands flew to grasp his shoulders, sliding upward to twine into the hair at the base of his neck and pull him into a searing kiss.

At the exact moment his tongue entered her mouth he pushed a second finger inside, the resulting sharp moan she gave being swallowed by his kiss. Her head fell to his shoulder, hands clenching tightly in the fabric of his cloak as he curled and stretched his fingers. His free hand cupped her breast again, pulling the thin material down to take her nipple into its mouth, and at the same time his fingers began a slow, rhythmic pumping inside her. Within moments she was panting and trembling, writhing against his hand and wondering how he could work her to such a state with only his fingers. She was trying desperately to stay quiet, knowing in the back of her mind she really _would_ care if someone walked in, but he made it incredibly difficult when every small movement of his skillful fingers sent a sharp wave of pleasure through her body.

Deidara _knew_ what he did to her; she could feel the smugness radiating from him, and when he cupped her jaw and lifted her head from his shoulder to see her face, the lustful triumph in his expression both infuriated and aroused her. He kissed her hungrily, tongue gliding with hers in matching rhythm to his fingers, his mouth muffling the uncontrolled sounds of pleasure his actions caused.

When a hot, slick tongue flicked out and lapped at that most sensitive bundle of nerves she couldn't help the strangled moan that escaped her lips. She clung to him tightly, barely able to stand as he drove her closer and closer to the edge. He broke their kiss and gently pushed her head back against the wall, his expression rapt, his lips curled in a tiny smile. He wanted to see her, she knew, absorb every minute flicker of ecstasy across her features, to revel in the work of 'art' he was creating. The rhythm of his hand quickened, fingers and tongue increasing their pressure and within moments she was hurtling over the edge, gasping brokenly, trying to be quiet and mostly failing as her climax tore through her in wave after wave of intense pleasure.

Heart still racing several moments later, she opened her eyes to see him watching her with a reverent smile.

"Beautiful," he whispered, so close she could feel his breath on her cheek.

Sakura gave a satiated smile, but it fell and her eyes widened when he slipped his hand free of her shorts and backed away. Her hand shot out to grasp his cloak front but he was too fast for her, and she didn't trust the strength of her legs to step away from the wall just yet. Her jaw dropped in dismay as it hit her; "Wait…that's _it_?"

The smirk he gave her was thoroughly wicked. "For now."

She started for him, trembling legs be damned, but he caught her midstride and pinned her to the wall again. "What happened to not wanting to do it in here, hm?"

Her mouth opened to argue. "Well—"

"Didn't you have some work you needed to finish?" he said, his mouth hovering just above hers. "Also…Leader wants to talk to you…he sent me to find you."

Her jaw dropped again in shock. "You knew that and you still—" She gasped indignantly. "You did this _on purpose_!" His devious, crooked grin was all the answer she needed. Her eyes narrowed. "Bastard. You're in _so_ much trouble tonight."

He growled eagerly and leaned closer, his lips only a hair's breadth from hers. "Promise?"

And then he pushed away and strode casually from the room.

Sakura stood there for a long moment, dazed and bewildered. She couldn't believe he did that! No, wait, yes she could. Remembering where she was and that the door was still open, she quickly collected herself before anyone came by and saw her with her shirt unzipped, breasts half exposed, her hair mussed, hitai-ate askew, looking completely and totally _debauched_.

Infuriated as she was, she couldn't help but smile. She would thoroughly enjoy paying him back for this little stunt later.

* * *

Pein was waiting for her in the library. Konan was with him, but that wasn't unusual. What _was_ surprising was that Itachi was there as well. She took the last open chair at the research table they were seated around.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" she asked Pein.

"Uzumaki Naruto."

It took every ounce of self control she had to temper her expression to simple curiosity. She hoped no one could hear her heart pounding against her ribcage. "What about him?"

"He is the last remaining jinchuuriki. He is also the most powerful and has been the hardest to find and capture, but we have no more time to waste. The kyuubi must be extracted soon so that we can move on to the final stage of our goal."

Sakura said nothing and waited, knowing there was more.

"He was your teammate. You know him personally."

"Yes," she answered, keeping her voice even.

"Tell me about your relationship with him."

It had to be a test, at least in part. Was Itachi here because Naruto was his target, or was it to judge with his Sharingan if she was lying? She took a steadying breath. The key was to stay calm and be as honest as possible without revealing too much. She could do this.

"We were put on the same genin squad together, which was the worst day of my life up to that point. I never could stand him as a kid, at the Academy. Almost nobody could. None of the younger generation knew he was a jinchuuriki back then; we just didn't like him because he was annoying and a troublemaker." She gave a short, ironically bitter laugh, drawing up honest memories along with her best acting skills. "Actually he was pretty much the bane of my existence back then. He had a ridiculous crush on me and was always interfering… And he would constantly fight with Sasuke about every little thing."

She paused a moment. "When Sasuke left Konoha, Naruto went away with Jiraiya for three years. When he came back he was a lot stronger and much less obnoxious than before, but he still pissed me off a lot. Mostly for being a pervert, which he probably got from Jiraiya. Our first mission together after he came back was to rescue the Kazekage. It went well for the most part, and I thought things would be okay, that we might be able to get along better…

"But I guess becoming more powerful had a downside, because if he got too angry he would lose control of the kyuubi. On a mission to find Sasuke we confronted Orochimaru, and Naruto lost it. He completely transformed into some aspect of the kyuubi and went on a rampage. I've never seen such overwhelming power. His target was Orochimaru, but he was completely out of his mind. I made the mistake of getting too close to him…and he lashed out at me." She frowned and absently rubbed her left arm. "If it had been any more than a glancing blow he probably would have killed me.

"After that he was kept on close watch. He underwent some kind of training to control himself better and I went back to duty at the hospital. We didn't have many missions as a team after that, unless it was a large scale thing with more than one squad, like when we took out Hidan and Kakuzu…and also when we found Sasuke after his fight with Itachi and took him back to Konoha." She cast a curious, almost wary glance at Itachi, but his expression was impassive as usual.

"From that point on we spent most of our time apart. We were technically still a team, but once we all made jounin we started taking more solo missions. I didn't see him much anymore…and then the circumstances that led me here to Akatsuki happened."

Her story had been only a facet of the truth, but it was still all true. Except for the last part, because they'd still made a point of spending as much time together as possible. But Sakura felt confident that her performance – relating only the downside of things – had been convincing.

Pein folded his arms over his chest, still staring intently at her. "So you weren't close. Then you won't have issues with participating in the kyuubi extraction?"

"It won't be a problem." It _wouldn't_ be a problem, because it wasn't going to happen. She would make sure of that, one way or another.

"Good. We will make a move to capture Uzumaki soon, and he will undoubtedly be the hardest to capture, so I need any information you can give that will make it simpler."

"Like what?" she asked, swallowing her anxiety.

"About his teammates and their abilities, and what sort of power Uzumaki has aside from his kyuubi enhancements."

"Well," she began slowly, thinking how to give just enough without giving too much, "the team leader is Hatake Kakashi. I'm sure I don't need to tell you about him." Pein gave a small nod of assent, and she continued, "The other is Sai, a former ANBU who specializes in espionage. Like Kakashi, he's skilled all around, but he has a unique jutsu that brings his ink drawings to life to attack his target. Both of them will be incredibly difficult to get past, and I'm sure by this point Konoha knows about the hachibi, so it's smart to assume that Naruto will be very well guarded. Naruto himself will pose the most difficulty. He has massive physical stamina and a nearly limitless chakra supply. His special technique is the Rasengan, a jutsu created by the fourth Hokage. It's a spinning ball of chakra held in the palm and driven into the target, causing critical damage, and is almost always fatal. " There. She hadn't said anything they couldn't have learned themselves in a Bingo book or with a little digging.

Pein nodded once. "It seems Uzumaki has been restricted from leaving the confines of his village. My sources say he hasn't had a mission since Konoha learned of the hachibi extraction. They are playing it safe, but it doesn't matter. We will get him regardless."

Sakura stared at him. He seemed firmly confident about that, and it made her uneasy. "How? Taking on Naruto is like taking on a small army, and he won't be alone. It's Itachi's assignment, right?" That was somewhat of a relief to her. In his current condition Itachi wouldn't be able to defeat Naruto, let alone her other teammates at the same time, even if Kisame was with him. She glanced quickly at Itachi, who was staring at her in a way she didn't like at all.

"It _was_ Itachi's assignment," Pein said. "The situation has become too precarious, and I am aware that Itachi and Kisame would be killed if they attempted another capture within Konoha's walls. If that happens we will be too shorthanded to complete the extraction."

"Then who is going after him?"

"I am."

Cold spread through her limbs, and she had to look away from that piercing ringed gaze, afraid he would see the dread in her eyes. "Alone? Isn't that—"

"It is enough. Pein has never lost a battle," Konan interjected. There was no trace of worry or doubt in her eyes as she watched Pein, her fervent faith in him clearly evident.

"Anyway, that's all the information I needed," Pein said as he stood. "I will devise a strategy and head for Konoha soon. The kyuubi will be in our grasp within a few weeks' time."

He left the room and Konan followed, but Sakura didn't watch them go, her mind still spinning around what she'd just learned. This was very, very bad. She needed to get another message to Konoha as soon as possible.

Several moments later she looked up, aware that Itachi was still there, watching her. She stared back, waiting.

"You are right to worry," he said quietly, voice barely disturbing the air. "He will succeed where I did not."

She kept her expression blank. "Why would I be worried?"

He gave her a knowing look. "You didn't lie, but neither was it the whole truth."

Had he seen through her? "What are you talking about?"

Itachi crossed his arms and relaxed further into his chair. He obviously planned to stay a while. "I know you care for Naruto, just as you did for my brother. I've seen you protect him with my own eyes, or have you forgotten?"

Her eyes narrowed warily, but she remained silent, refusing to confirm or deny anything.

"Just because Konoha has ostracized you doesn't mean you would lose the bonds you shared with your former comrades. Even if they hate you, it doesn't necessarily mean that you hate them in return. I understand that better than anyone, Sakura."

"I assume you're referring to Sasuke," she said flatly. "Sorry, but your pattern of behavior toward him makes it kind of hard to believe you, Itachi."

A faint, ironic smirk curled his lips. "I'm sure it does. But that's a conversation for another time. But don't worry; I have no intention of telling anyone about your true relationship to Naruto. It's not any concern of mine. Though it will be interesting to see how you deal with what's coming."

_Interesting_. That was the understatement of the century. Something in the way he was wording things made her suspicious, but she couldn't quite indentify what seemed off. In any case, Itachi was far too perceptive. She would have to be more careful around him.

"You do realize of course that Akatsuki isn't the only threat to Naruto at this point," he said after a long moment of silence.

Her gaze snapped to his. "What do you mean?"

"What do you think will happen when Leader reaches Konoha?"

"Naruto will be well protected. He'll have to go through the entire shinobi force, including the Hokage, to get to him. I know there are a lot of people around here who think Leader's a god or whatever, but I have a hard time believing he'll be able to pull this off alone."

"Perhaps. But he will get farther than anyone else could, not only because he is the strongest, but because he is the most ruthless. He will go through everything to get to Naruto; women, children, the entire civilian population of Konoha. He's done it before. When he led the coup here in Rain, not only did he kill the previous leader and all of his soldiers, he killed everyone he ever knew and worked with."

Sakura's eyes widened in shock. "Why would he do such a thing?"

Itachi gave a faint shrug, as if he didn't understand either. "As a lesson for defying the will of a god, I suppose."

"That's insane," she murmured, appalled.

"That's neither here nor there. The fact is he can and will do it again. And do you think Konoha will allow that to happen? Do you think they will allow the destruction of the entire village, all for Naruto?"

"Well they certainly wouldn't just hand him over! Doing that would mean Akatuski's victory, and in that event Konoha is doomed anyway."

"You're right. But there is a logical solution to prevent either outcome."

Her eyes widened slowly in realization. "You're saying they would kill Naruto themselves."

Itachi nodded once. "I'm surprised it hasn't been done already, to any of the other jinchuuriki. Several of them were rogue missing-nin; it would have made better sense for the villages to eliminate them before we got our hands on them. The death of even one would have ruined everything, and we would have never come this far."

Sakura shook her head firmly. "That may be, but Konoha wouldn't do that to Naruto. He's too important. He's most likely going to be the next Hokage."

"He is one man, Sakura. However great he may be, he's not worth the lives of thousands of innocents. I'm sure he would agree himself."

"Konoha isn't like that," she argued stubbornly.

Itachi actually chuckled; a dry, humorless murmur. Such a sound coming from the stoic man was more than a little disturbing. "What's so funny?" she snapped.

"That you still defend a village that threw you to the wolves."

"I'm not defending them, it's just a fact."

The condescending smirk appeared again. "I gave you more credit than that, Sakura. Konoha isn't the shining beacon of morality and justice you were raised to believe in. You may be the Godaime's apprentice, but you know next to nothing about the political infrastructure of that village. You would be appalled at the lengths to which they are willing to go to protect themselves. One man's life is nothing to them."

"I've never heard anything like that" she scoffed.

He snorted softly, another surprising reaction. "Of course you haven't. Don't be a fool, Sakura. You can only 'see' if you open your eyes."

She rolled her eyes, tired of his mindfuckery. From that moment on she pointedly ignored him.

Itachi got the hint quickly enough, and stood with a soft rustle of his cloak. "You have much to think about. I'll leave you to it."

"Why did you join Akatsuki, Itachi?" she called out quietly, but kept her eyes on the polished surface of the table.

Itachi turned in the doorway and fixed her with another mysterious smirk. "That, too, is a conversation for another time."

And then he was gone.

Alone at last, Sakura put her head down on the table. She wanted to scream, or tear her hair out, or smash something big. She was so confused, and lost, and angry. Even more so because she didn't know what she was angry _at_. Akatsuki? Konoha? The likely answer was both.

She sighed and pushed her chair away from the table. There was no use sitting around sulking and wallowing in her frustration. She had a message to write.

* * *

An hour later Deidara found her curled up in one of the red leather armchairs in the common room, reading. She felt him coming from the hallway, but didn't turn as he came up behind her.

He leaned over the top of the high-backed chair, the tips of his hair just touching the top of her shoulder. "Reading more boring medical stuff?"

"Hey, this boring medical stuff has helped me save many lives, including _yours_," she returned, angling her head to look up at him.

"How could I forget?" He leaned down further, his nose almost touching the crown of her hair. "Haven't you read this one already?"

He paid more attention than she'd thought. "A few times. I practically have this one memorized."

Deidara wrinkled his nose at her over-studious tendencies. "Then why are you reading it again?"

"To distract myself," she said quietly, her expression sobering.

He reached over to grasp as strand of her hair and twirl it around his finger. Sakura smiled and leaned her head back against the chair. She wasn't concerned about the open display; they were alone at the moment and everyone knew about them anyway.

It had been the subject of many sly looks and – on Kisame's part, teasing – for a few weeks after they returned from Fuzen, but there was no point denying it when she hadn't spent a single night in her own room since they came back. In fact, by now most of her few belongings had migrated over to Deidara's room. She just liked his room better. It felt more lived-in, with little personal touches hers lacked; his worktables with their scattering of clay dust on the floor, his sketches and prototypes laying about, the random articles of clothing he left draped over the backs of chairs. And now her things were mixed in, with her books and scrolls stacked on the bookshelf and her girly stuff taking up most of the counter space in the bathroom. It comforted her, this little slice of happiness. Their relationship wasn't some dirty little secret, and she had no reason to hide it. For his part, Deidara didn't care _who_ knew about them. He wasn't inhibited about much of anything.

"What did Leader talk to you about?"

"Naruto…he wanted information about him, to make his capture easier… He's going after him himself," she said bitterly.

His fingers stopped twirling her hair, as he realized the implications. His hands slipped to her shoulders and gave a gentle, comforting squeeze. He offered no words of reassurance, because they both knew there were none.

"Today really sucked," she murmured. She reached up to touch his hand, and he wrapped his fingers around hers. She turned her head, resting her chin on his knuckles as she looked up at him. "I need to get out of here for a while. Take me somewhere?"

He brushed his thumb lightly across her chin. "Where?"

"Anywhere."

He grinned down at her. "I'll go get my cloak. Be back in a couple minutes, yeah."

Sakura nodded, managing a small smile. When he was gone she returned to her book, but only stared blankly at the page. There were chakra signatures coming from the surrounding rooms, but she paid them no mind. She wasn't sure how much time had passed before a shadow loomed over her, but it wasn't the one she was expecting. This presence made her hackles rise.

Without looking up she growled, "What the fuck do you want."

"Tch. Why are you always such a fucking bitch, huh? Maybe I was just saying hello."

Sakura glared up at Hidan. "Right. Because we're such good friends." He chuckled mirthlessly. The seconds ticked by as he stared down at her, and she became irritated to the point that a vein began to throb in her temple. Finally she snapped, "I'm not in the mood for your shit today, Hidan. If you don't have something specific to say then get out of my face."

Hidan leaned down, bracing his hands on either armrest to close her in. "Oh I have something specific to say, alright."

The book snapped shut and her eyes locked fiercely onto his. He was way too close, and he smelled like blood. "You've got about two seconds to back the fuck up," she warned.

He only leaned closer, close enough to look like he was about to kiss her, if not for the dark, threatening aura swirling around him. "And what if I don't?" he purred, an anticipatory smirk curling his lips.

"Have you forgotten already?" she said just as quietly, smiling when his expression darkened into an angry scowl.

"Oh no, sweetheart. You see, that's_ exactly_ what I wanted to talk to you about. I still haven't settled with you for that. But you're never away from your fucking punk boyfriend long enough for us to really _chat_." He reached up and slowly trailed his index finger down her cheek.

Sakura didn't flinch or move a muscle, but inside every fiber was tense and ready. The malice coming from him was palpable, and she had a feeling he was going to attack her any second.

Suddenly Hidan snapped backward in a blur. Wide-eyed with alarm, she jumped up from the chair and caught the tail end of the movement just as Deidara slammed him hard into the wall in a chokehold, pinning him with a forearm to his throat. The wall cracked under the impact.

"If you _ever_ touch her again I'll fucking kill you," he growled in his face. "I don't care if you're an undead freak, I'll fucking find a way!"

Hidan grinned sadistically. "Well shit, our little Dei-chan's all grown up now, huh? I know she's a hot bitch and I'm sure she's a great little fuck, but _seriously_ dude, why get so fucking agitated over a _woman_?"

Nearly faster than her eyes could follow Deidara had a kunai to Hidan's throat, and it wasn't just a warning; a thin trickle of blood ran down his neck. She couldn't see Deidara's face, but she could feel the sharp killing intent radiating from him in waves. Sakura herself was seething with rage. If Deidara wasn't in the way she'd be stomping that antagonistic fuck into the floor right now.

Hidan laughed—a menacing, dangerous sound. "That bitch has got you all turned around backwards. What the hell's that gonna do to _me_?" He grinned viciously. "Go ahead and cut a little deeper. I'll make sure to reciprocate on _her_."

"_Enough_. Deidara, back off," Pein's cold voice cut through the tense room.

Sakura's gaze flicked to see him crossing the room toward them, but her eyes shot right back to Deidara, who hadn't seemed to hear, or simply wasn't listening. The kunai in his hand dipped at an angle, a millimeter away from plunging into Hidan's jugular.

"_Deidara_."

The sharp, dangerous tone from Pein finally seemed to get through, and Deidara stabbed the kunai into the wall a hair's breadth from Hidan's face before pushing away with a final rough shove against his throat.

Hidan straightened up and wiped the blood from his neck, licking it from his fingers with a satisfied smirk. He'd been trying to provoke a reaction and he'd gotten one, though Sakura had a feeling he'd just gone one step too far. Of course she hated him more than ever, but Deidara…she'd never seen him this furious.

"Explain," Pein said coldly, looking at all three of them in turn.

"Shit. I was just fucking with her a little and this hothead goes all fucking crazy and attacks me," Hidan said, gesturing irritably at Deidara.

Pein's ringed gaze fixed on Sakura expectantly.

"He was trying to pick a fight with me. A _real_ one, this time. Deidara just happened to walk in and heard him threatening me," she explained, still glaring hatefully at Hidan.

Pein appraised them all, perceptively interpreting the situation. "I've said before not to fight here. If you absolutely cannot withhold from attacking each other you will _not_ do it inside these walls. If any of you do something like this again, you will deal with _me_." He turned his hard gaze on Hidan. "The problems you cause are never-ending. One of these days, Hidan, you will dig yourself a hole too deep to climb out of."

"Tch. Fuck if I care about that, seriously."

"You were supposed to leave for your mission an hour ago. Why are you still here?"

"I had a few things to take care of."

"Like paying me back for smashing your fucking skull?"

He sneered at Sakura. "Fuck you, slut. One of these days…I fucking swear to Jashin, I'm gonna rip you apart piece by piece and I'll do it while your boyfriend watches."

Another bait, and Deidara had too much of a temper not to take it. He went for Hidan, and Sakura moved forward to grab onto him, not worried about Hidan, but about what Pein would do. But the Akatsuki leader was already there, holding Hidan tightly by the throat. His ringed eyes burned cold fire, the dark pressure of his anger so intense it almost made her nauseous.

His voice was low and undeniably threatening. "Leave. _Now_."

Pein released him, and with an enraged snarl Hidan whirled and stomped out through the main doors. When he was gone Pein fixed his hawkish gaze on the two remaining.

"I have a mission for you as well," he said evenly, as if nothing had just happened. "You will go to Cloud and meet with the Raikage. It seems they want to discuss a deal. He will be expecting you. You leave in the morning."

Sakura was curious to say the least, but before she could ask about it she was surprised by Deidara turning and heading for the exit as well. She almost called out to him, but stopped herself. His fury still curled around him in strong waves, and she figured he needed to leave and blow off some steam.

"You're paying to have that wall fixed," Pein said to him, without turning to look.

"Fine," he snapped, and slammed the doors.


	14. The Little Things Give You Away

**Vertigo**

Chapter Fourteen: The Little Things Give You Away

* * *

Sakura was left staring after Deidara in bewilderment. So much for leaving together and putting a positive end to a shitty day…

"Sakura."

Pein's voice pulled her back into the moment, and she focused on him once more.

"It's apparent to everyone that your relationship with Deidara has changed. What happens between you is your concern, but don't let your feelings and issues get in the way of doing your job. It's not a problem…unless it _becomes_ a problem."

"I understand," she replied unflinchingly. "Our relationship won't affect how we do our jobs. Just as _yours_ doesn't."

Sakura could practically see the thought '_touché_' pass behind those bizarre eyes, and one corner of his lips tugged upward slightly. "I'm just making sure you are informed of my expectations."

"Of course." Her eyes followed him as he walked away. When he was gone she deflated in frustrated exhaustion. What a lousy day. Well, except for that little interlude with Deidara in the infirmary, but even that warm memory wasn't enough to soothe her troubled thoughts. She was still furious about Hidan. If only they'd been somewhere else…

Maybe a strong drink would take some of the edge off her frayed nerves. Probably not, but it was worth a try. Sighing heavily, she retrieved her cloak from the chair and headed for the kitchen.

Ten minutes later she held a concoction of blended fruit, ice and a double shot of hard liquor in a large stein. She slumped into a chair across from Konan, who sat with a cup of green tea and a small stack of origami paper at one of the tables.

"What is _that_?" she asked, eyeing Sakura's creation.

"I'm not sure; I just invented it. Want some?"

Konan leaned forward and sniffed the slushy pinkish-orange mixture, then sat back, wrinkling her nose and shaking her head. "I don't drink alcohol."

Sakura incredulously eyed the steaming mug. "Well I certainly don't know how you can drink _that _in this heat."

"Habit, I suppose." She waved a dismissive hand, more interested in other things. "So what happened? Even if I hadn't heard raised voices, I could feel the angry energy all the way in here."

Sakura took a long drink through the straw and sighed. "_Hidan_," she said, because that was explanation enough. "He came looking to pick a fight with me over what happened before I left for Fuzen. He said some nasty things as usual, but this time I'm absolutely certain he was going to attack me. Deidara walked in at that moment and saw him…"

"Ah," Konan said, understanding perfectly.

"And of course Hidan just kept at it, kept baiting Deidara even more. Deidara was _so_ angry…I've never seen him like that. I'm surprised Leader was even able to break it up."

Konan regarded her with a faint, knowing smile.

"I wish he wouldn't have," Sakura muttered darkly. "Why doesn't Hidan ever act that way toward _you_? He's a total misogynist."

A strange expression crossed Konan's features, almost smug. "He is definitely a misogynist, and he might even despise me more than he does you, but what do you think would happen if he were to do something like that to me?"

The answer was obvious. "Leader would kill him, probably in the most painful way possible." Perhaps that was why Pein had intervened, and seemed so angry with Hidan but not with her and Deidara. If it had been Pein in Deidara's position he would have done the same, if not worse.

Konan confirmed it with a single nod. "And Hidan knows it. But he shouldn't underestimate Deidara, or the lengths to which a man will go to protect his woman."

Sakura snorted, her brow knitting in a frown. "I'm sure it was mostly because they hate each other. Deidara knows I can take care of myself."

The older kunoichi smiled that knowing smile again, similar to the one that madam in Fuzen always gave her; the one that made her feel like a naïve child.

"Of course he does, Sakura, but that won't keep him from taking it upon himself to act like he did today when he thinks he needs to. Men are often irrational when it concerns something they treasure."

"You think Deidara treasures me?"

"I think he wouldn't have reacted so extremely if you weren't very important to him. He is volatile and quick-tempered, but he _does_ know how to keep his head. Yet he risked Pein's wrath today. For you."

Sakura was quiet a long moment, thinking it over and remembering Deidara's words: '_If you ever touch her again, I'll fucking kill you._' He only grew more enraged after that, because of Hidan's taunting. And it wasn't the insults like '_Dei-chan_' that had set him off. It was whenever Hidan had threatened some sadistic torture on her. Such a protective reaction surprised her. She hadn't thought Deidara's feelings went as deep as hers, because he just didn't seem like the type. Maybe she just hadn't dared to hope for it. But maybe she was wrong, maybe he _did_ feel as strongly for her as she did for him. The possibility made her happy, but also worried her because if it was true, it only entangled them further.

She absently sipped at her drink and stared out the window, her eyes following a flock of birds as they passed before a cloud, tinted with pinks and purples as the sun began to set. She wondered when Deidara would come back.

"You don't need to worry about him," Konan said, interpreting the thoughts behind her expression.

Sakura sighed. "I know. I'm not, really. I was just thinking." Her eyes met Konan's. "How do _you_ do it? Balance duty and being a shinobi with…"

"Love?"

"With…being in a relationship," she amended carefully.

The older kunoichi laced her hands before her on the table. "It can be difficult. The life we've chosen isn't suited to having precious relationships. We are shinobi. Our lives are bound by duty and surrounded by violence and death. Emotional entanglements can be dangerous. But it happens. If it didn't there wouldn't be any future generations of shinobi to carry on after us. We are only human, after all, and a life without love isn't worth living. That's even truer for us as shinobi, because for us there is no guarantee of tomorrow. We must live for today, and cherish every moment of happiness we find."

Sakura nodded thoughtfully. "You're right. I don't think I could ever cut my heart off like they say we're supposed to. I can't help but love, any more than I can help grieving when someone I care about dies. It's so hard to balance duty and emotion though, don't you think?"

"Well, my case is a little different. Pein is a god; I don't need to worry about him getting hurt or killed. He does worry about _me_, though, and does act somewhat overprotective at times."

Sakura didn't let her skepticism about Pein's mortal state show in her expression. "Does that bother you?"

"No. Because I know that it means I'm important to him, _necessary_ to him. It would cause him pain to lose me."

Logically Sakura understood her reasoning, but she didn't know if she could apply it to herself. She'd worked very hard to become what she was and she couldn't stand it when someone treated her like she was still incapable of taking care of herself. She wasn't a damsel in distress and she didn't need a knight in shining armor. Still, the more feminine side of her was genuinely touched that Deidara would defend her like that, even if he didn't need to. Naruto did the same thing and Sai usually went along with him, and even Kakashi had on occasion. But her teammates looked out for her like brothers. It was something entirely different with Deidara, and she didn't know whether to be happy about it or not.

"Pein has always protected me," Konan continued, "ever since we were desperate, hungry children living in the streets, impoverished by a war that wasn't ours."

"I envy you," Sakura said, smiling faintly. "You've had a lot of hardship, but to have that kind of love and devotion, the kind that lasts an entire lifetime, through all the bad and the good… It's beautiful, even if the world around you is hell."

Konan smiled and tucked a strand of indigo hair behind her ear. "It is. I am very blessed. But what you have is special too, Sakura."

"What do you mean?"

"Deidara makes you happy, doesn't he?"

Sakura took a deep breath and sighed. "Yes. More than I can even begin to explain."

Konan nodded. "And it's obvious that he's happy with you."

She cocked her head curiously. "How so?"

"You don't know what he was like before he met you. Deidara tends to be one of the more…_unstable_ members of our organization. I'm sure you've seen some of that yourself since you've been his partner. When he first joined us, some of the guys actually took bets on how long it would be before he got killed, or killed _himself_."

Sakura frowned slightly. "I know he can be pretty wild, but I don't think he's _that _bad."

"He was. You have no idea, the effect you have on him," she explained. "You _calm_ him. I don't know how you do it, but ever since you joined us and became his partner, he's been less volatile, less aggressive, less…_crazy_, for lack of a better word. You've been very good for him."

Sakura couldn't help but smile. "Well, I don't know how either, but I guess I'm glad." After a moment she added, "Leader gave me a warning today, about the complications of emotional attachment."

Konan didn't seem surprised. "He just wants to ensure that nothing gets in the way of our goal."

"So he said. I found it amusing, considering he himself is the furthest thing from unattached," she said wryly.

Konan just smiled against the rim of her mug and sipped her lukewarm tea.

They fell quiet, both women focused on their own thoughts. Konan absently folded paper into various designs, and Sakura finished her drink as she stared out the window, watching the sky darken and wondering what she was going to do about Deidara.

She knew this would happen; she wasn't the type who could sleep with someone and not get emotionally involved. She'd known that from the start. But her feelings for Deidara were so strong…it wasn't a general sort of attachment. Were her feelings merely the product of an unhealthy dependency? Her isolation and depression had made her reckless and defiant, and she had turned to him in her weakness, desperately reaching for the single source of comfort and happiness she could find.

Was that the extent of her feelings? Or were they real and honest, from the bottom of her heart? Would she still feel this way about him in a different set of circumstances?

The answer was 'yes.' Yes because he made her laugh, and could bring a smile to her face and make her feel better at her lowest, darkest point. Yes because he held her close when she woke crying and shaking from nightmares. Yes because he needed her, if what Konan said was true, and she wanted nothing more than to be _necessary_ to someone.

Sakura didn't understand why she still couldn't figure herself out. One minute she was rebellious and unrepentant, vowing to take the happiness she found with Deidara and run with it, and the next she was full of guilt and worried about consequences. She didn't even feel guilty about being with him, she felt guilty about _not_ feeling guilty. No matter how often she debated it, she just couldn't seem to come to a solid decision.

"Did something I say trouble you?"

Sakura's eyes regained focus and met Konan's. "No," she assured halfheartedly.

The older kunoichi wasn't convinced, and continued to stare at Sakura expectantly.

Sakura rested her chin in her palm. "I'm just trying to figure out what to do about this thing with Deidara."

"Why should you have to do anything at all?"

"Because I'm afraid it's moving too fast, and I'm worried that it _will_ eventually cause problems with doing my job."

"You never expected to fall for him, did you?" Konan ventured quietly.

Sakura shook her head slowly, frowning.

"I still don't see what the problem is. You're happy, he's happy—what's there to do about it? It's like you weren't listening before. Don't turn away from what little happiness you can find in this world."

"It's not that simple, Konan," she said tiredly.

"It _is_," she argued fervently. "Look at it this way; if you end things with him and you die tomorrow, or if _he_ died tomorrow…would you regret it? Would you wish for those last precious moments with him?"

Sakura exhaled a long, weary sigh. "Yes."

"The life of a shinobi is too short and unpredictable for regret, Sakura."

"So we should welcome…love, into our life, regardless of duty? Regardless of the consequences?"

Konan nodded. "Regardless of _everything_, because it's too precious to throw away. Like I said, a life without love isn't worth living."

Sakura didn't reply, just turned to the window and gazed thoughtfully at the vibrantly streaked clouds beyond.

* * *

The last person she wanted to talk to right now was Uchiha Itachi. After the conversation with Konan her mind was confused and tangled up enough; she certainly didn't need the master of mind games making it worse. So of course when she saw him in the hallway she gave an inaudible groan and rolled her eyes in preemptive annoyance.

He was leaning against the wall outside the infirmary door, arms crossed, staring at her expectantly as if, for some unfathomable reason, he had been waiting for her.

She paused next to him, casting him a weary look. "What is it, Itachi? I'm really not up for working on your eyes right now, so—"

"Come with me," he said quietly, and moved away without waiting for her reply.

Against her better judgment, she followed with a harried sigh. Itachi never said or did anything pointless, so she figured he must have a good reason. He led her back the way she'd come, then into the library and through the door in the back that led to a small antechamber containing shelves of forbidden jutsu. After she entered he closed the door and then took a seat at the small table. Her eyes never left him as she sat in the only other chair, across from him. This room was one of the most private and secure in the building. He had to have brought her in here for a specific reason.

"What's this about?" she asked guardedly.

Crimson eyes fixed on her steadily. "It's time for _that_ conversation."

Her eyes widened at his quiet words. "Why now?"

"Because it's safe at the moment, and because you're leaving tomorrow and won't return for some time."

"What do you mean 'safe'? Who's going to care?"

Itachi crossed his arms over his chest and settled further into his seat. "We probably don't have much time, so let's not waste any more of it. You have questions for me; I will answer them. I have a few for you as well. Today we will be honest with each other, as two…_former_…Konoha shinobi."

Sakura wondered at his particular choice of words. He said he would be honest with her, and there was an overload of things she wanted to know. She began with, "Why did you join Akatsuki?"

Clearly it wasn't the question he'd expected first off, and he blinked in mild surprise. "To monitor the actions of a certain man," he answered.

"What do you mean…are you saying you were sent in as a _spy_?" she half-whispered.

"No one sent me. It was my own choice."

"You joined before you left Konoha?"

"Yes. A few months before."

"Then…why did you massacre your clan? Don't tell me it was some sort of cover…" she ventured, appalled by the idea.

Itachi gave her a dark look. "You won't like the answer to that, Sakura. Are you really prepared to learn the truth?"

She regarded him a moment, debating. How bad could it possibly be? He didn't seem like the kind of psychotic person to do something like that just for kicks. Had the precious Uchiha heir snapped under all the pressure the clan put on him? Was it some sort of initiation to get into Akatsuki? She had to know. "The truth," she replied steadily, "no matter how ugly, is always better than remaining ignorant."

"Very well. I eliminated the Uchiha clan…on orders from Konoha."

Sakura felt as if the floor had just dropped out from under her. It was the last answer she ever would have expected. How was that possible, who would want such a thing done? She gaped at him until she found some semblance of a voice to choke out a single word, "_Why?_"

"Because the Uchiha were planning a coup," he explained somberly. "When Konoha learned of it they recruited me as a spy, and before my clan could carry out their plans, I was given the order to eliminate them."

"But why would you turn against your own clan? They were your family!"

"I didn't want to," he replied quietly, crimson eyes clouding. "But it was necessary to preserve the peace of Konoha. A rebellion would have caused the deaths of hundreds, and the weakened state of government would have left the door wide open to outside attack. I did it because it had to be done."

Again she was stunned into silence. Worst of all, she knew on some instinctive level that Itachi wasn't lying. Too many things she'd heard growing up seemed to support him. The Uchiha clan's bad reputation for being greedy, power hungry, manipulative and corrupt. The fact that the compound was segregated from the rest of Konoha and located in the outskirts. Even the cruel fact that Sasuke, the last Uchiha, had to remain living in the compound after the massacre. It all made sense, and it left her feeling disgusted and somehow betrayed.

"I told you Konoha wasn't the place you thought it was, Sakura. Now you know why."

"I've come to realize lately that nothing is ever exactly what it seems. There is no such thing as good and evil," she muttered, staring blankly at the tabletop. Then her eyes locked with his. "Then Sasuke…?"

"Was supposed to die that night," he confirmed quietly. "But I couldn't do it. Not my little brother. If I had refused the mission, someone else would have done it anyway and he would have been killed. It was one of my primary reasons for accepting. Before I left Konoha for exile I pleaded with the Sandaime to let him live, and fortunately he took my side against the other elders. "

She studied him, her expression almost sad. "You purposely let him see you that night, so that he would villainize you."

Itachi gave a small nod. "He had to blame me. He couldn't learn the truth. His ignorance was the only thing that kept him alive."

"Then you really didn't kill him…"

"No. I did not."

"Then who did?" she whispered hesitantly.

Crimson eyes stared into hers intently. "Uchiha Madara."

Sakura blinked dumbly, uncomprehending. "Uchiha…?" Then her eyes widened. "_Madara_? As in…the _founder_ of the Uchiha clan?"

"The very same."

She gaped at him. "You're saying he's still alive today? He would be like a hundred and twenty years old!"

"You've seen for yourself that there are ways of extending life beyond its normal limits, if you are willing to do what it takes. Madara uses the same technique Orochimaru used. In fact it was Madara he learned it from."

"The soul transfer…" she murmured.

"Right. Though Madara, being the proud and arrogant man he is, will only use the body of another Uchiha so he doesn't lose the Sharingan. The body he's been using for the last twenty years is that of an Uchiha who died during the last war, but he was badly mangled before death and has provided a very weak shell. Since he met me, his plan has been to take over mine. He doesn't know I am aware of this, and thinks I have been at his side all this time as his disciple.

"When I fought Sasuke five years ago, I intended to die there by his hand, so that Sasuke could finally have his revenge and live in peace. But Madara intervened, because he still wanted my container and he wanted it intact. However the problem now, as you know, is that my eyes are nearly ruined and there is no saving them. He doesn't want another damaged shell. So a couple years ago he set his sights on Sasuke.

"Madara was unable to reach him while he was confined in Konoha, but he knew that _I_ was Sasuke's driving point. He found a way to pass information of my whereabouts to him, and when Sasuke left Konoha again, Madara went for him. I tried to get to Sasuke first, and though I never wanted him to learn the truth, I intended to explain and hoped that the two of us together might stand a chance of taking Madara down. But I was too late." His expression darkened. "I don't know what was said or what happened between them, but it's clear that Sasuke resisted and they fought. My brother cut his own eyes out, so that Madara would not take his body, and Madara killed him in a rage. When I found him, he was already dead."

Sakura watched him sadly, stunned by his story and moved by the flash of sorrow she saw in those crimson eyes. Itachi was nothing at all like what he seemed. He had loved Sasuke and had sacrificed everything to protect him; his reputation, his pride, even his brother's love. It angered her that the lives of people could be twisted so terribly.

"I'm sorry, Itachi," she said quietly. "I've badly misjudged you."

Itachi gave the faintest of smiles. "You believed exactly what I wanted you to believe, Sakura. People are easily deceived when they don't want to know the truth."

"What will Madara do now that he's lost the last perfect host? Will he take a non-Uchiha body?"

"I don't know. Perhaps he will try to father a child; the body he's using is still young enough. Or he may try to convince _me_ to do so, which will not happen. Perhaps he is too proud of his Uchiha blood to take a different host and will finally grow old and die with the one he has. But before he does, it is certain that he will try to take down his greatest enemy: Konoha."

"Why does he hate Konoha so much?"

"Because they denied him the ultimate glory he thought he deserved: the title of Hokage. He was so sure he would be the first, and when it went to Senju Hashirama he couldn't accept it. He refused to put down his warmongering ways and tried to rebel back then, but the other Uchiha wouldn't follow him because at the time, they wanted peace. He left the village and came back with the kyuubi under his power, intending to destroy Konoha. The Shodai Hokage defeated him in what is now the Valley of the End. But Madara didn't die, and has been plotting revenge ever since."

"Then the kyuubi attack twenty years ago…?"

Itachi shook his head. "That was a freak occurrence. The coincidence was strong, and the suspicion against the Uchiha clan was a large part of what drove them to plot their rebellion. But no, Madara wasn't behind that attack. His plans for revenge have evolved to something bigger."

"He's the one you joined Akatsuki to keep tabs on," she ventured, suspicion rising in the back of her mind. When she'd first been told to work on his eyes, Itachi asked her to help him preserve what remained of his sight for as long as possible. _'There is still something which I must do before the end,'_ he'd said. Now she knew what that thing was.

Itachi gave her a long, meaningful look. "Very perceptive. It was Uchiha Madara who started Akatsuki over fifteen years ago, as a way to mask his movements. He has been pulling the strings from the shadows the entire time."

"So Pein is nothing more than a puppet king?"

"Yes and no. He takes directives from Madara, but Pein's goal for eventual world peace is his own, which Madara allows him to foster. He is an idealist, and idealists are easily blinded by their own fanaticism. He has no idea what Madara is really planning."

"Which is what?" she asked warily.

"The destruction of all shinobi nations, using the combined power of the tailed demons."

"Exactly what Pein plans to do, only Madara wants to do it for real."

Itachi shook his head. "That ultimate justu Pein plans to use as a threat doesn't even exist. It's all part of Madara's manipulation. The Sharingan has the power to hypnotize and control the demons, and Madara intends to do just that."

"Where is he now?"

Itachi gave a small shrug. "He comes and goes. He doesn't bother with the mundane dealings of the organization, and only a few members ever knew of his existence. With the others dead, Deidara, Kisame and Hidan are the only ones in the dark now that you know. Zetsu is Madara's eyes and ears, and he isn't here today, which is why I decided to tell you now."

"Why did you tell me any of this at all?"

Itachi smiled; a small ironic twist of his lips. "It makes no sense for us to keep secrets from each other. I was only waiting for the right time to reveal to you that our goals are similar. Consider this an exchange of information, from one agent to another."

Her expression hardened as once again, her heart dropped into her stomach. "_What?_"

His eyes pierced right through her. "I've known about you from the first moment you walked in here, Sakura. In fact, I suspected something when I heard you became a missing-nin, and lo and behold you show up only a few months after. And I know you've been especially wary of me because I know more about you than the rest."

She shook her head slowly, eyes narrowing. "Whatever you think you've figured out about me, you're wrong, Itachi."

He gave her a dark look. "Drop the act, Sakura. I've just told you things that no other living person knows; you could give me the benefit of the doubt, at least. This isn't a trick to get you to reveal yourself."

She continued to stare at him, tense and guarded.

He sighed, sounding exasperated. "I must apologize for misjudging you as well. When I first met you I disregarded you as weak, both emotionally and physically. When you helped defeat Sasori I was surprised to learn you had so much potential. And now I know I was wrong about you in every sense. I have to give you credit; you're much better at this than I thought you would be. They were right to send you. You're an excellent deceiver, and you're very cunning. You've been completely successful so far. Madara doesn't trust you because he doesn't trust anyone, but no one suspects your true reason for being here. In fact Pein seems to think very highly of you."

Sakura watched him another long, strained moment. If this was a trap, she probably would have been attacked already. Finally, her tone low and wary, she said, "How did you know?"

"Because we wear the same mask, only I've been wearing it longer and I'm better at it than you."

Sakura sighed and leaned her elbows on the table, putting her head in her hands. "You were Jiraiya's contact, weren't you?"

Itachi nodded once. "When he was killed I figured it was only a matter of time before Konoha sent someone in."

"Why did you stop relaying information when he died?"

"Remember that I am an exiled criminal from Konoha. I was not sent in to gather information for them. My arrangement with Jiraiya happened by chance, more of a personal favor than any lingering sense of duty on my part. When he died our deal was canceled."

Silence fell as Sakura rubbed her temples and tried to process everything she'd just learned.

Konoha wasn't as righteous as she'd grown up believing.

Uchiha Itachi was a good man, and her ally this entire time.

Uchiha Madara was alive and kicking, and was planning the destruction of the entire shinobi world.

"I was surprised that your cover is so thorough. How much of it was fabricated?" Itachi asked, breaking the long silence.

"It's all true," she replied without looking up. "It was a lucky coincidence. I did find Deidara that day and saved his life, and I never told anyone. When this mission was given to me and we discussed a cover story, I confessed to it because I knew it was the perfect cover."

"That was a dangerous gamble."

She nodded. "I know. But it worked out, and now I'm here. What is it you want from me, Itachi?"

"I want us to work together. I want Madara dead, you want to protect Konoha—"

"I want to protect the people I love," she corrected with quiet firmness, "most of them just happen to be in Konoha."

Itachi smirked, eyes full of dark understanding. "We are the same in that respect; loyal to people and the bonds we share, not to land and the idea of nationality. All the more reason for us to work together in this."

Sakura gave a small nod. "Alright, I'll work with you."

"How much does Deidara know? There have to be moments when your mask slips and your mission takes its toll. I imagine he can't be entirely ignorant of it."

"He knows I don't support Akatsuki's goal, and that certain things are very difficult for me here. I've been having nightmares ever since the extraction. I see Naruto's face, and I wake up screaming."

"That must be very hard on you," he said quietly. "And Deidara doesn't have issues with any of this?"

She gave him a mild glare. "You know he's not loyal to Akatsuki. After all, _you_ were the one who forced him into joining."

"Do you think he would help you, if you were to tell him?"

She shook her head uncertainly. "I don't know. I've been trying to figure out when and if I should. I know I'll have to tell him something in order to get him out before Konoha and its allies come to take Akatsuki down."

"What if it didn't come to that? What if we could do it from the inside?"

"Is something like that even possible?"

"It may be. Taking down Akatsuki is the road to both our goals; we may as well travel it together. Would Deidara join us?"

"Well, he certainly wouldn't stand against us, though I seriously doubt he would want to work with _you_ on anything. He hates you."

Itachi smirked. "Trust me, if Deidara were to learn the full truth, his grudge against me will be the last thing on his mind."

"And what about Kisame?" she asked.

"Kisame is a mercenary, not an idealist. He goes where the money is, or whatever he thinks will be the most entertaining. He will work with us. And Hidan will go his own way and not help either side."

Sakura nodded acceptingly, but frowned. It was all happening so fast. "Do you really think the four of us could take down the others? I mean, Pein is insanely powerful. And if _he_ follows Madara, then Madara must be ten times stronger."

"If the truth of things is revealed all around, we would have very little work to do. This organization will pull itself apart at the seams."

Sakura fell quiet, thinking about all the possibilities. Finally, she gave a resigned nod. "I'll find a way to tell Deidara while we're away on our mission."

"Then we'll discuss if further when you come back. The four of us."

"Should I tell Konoha?"

"Go ahead. If we can coordinate with Konoha and its allies it would be to everyone's advantage. We will crumble the foundations, and they can do the rest."

"And what happens after?" she wondered.

Itachi gave a small shrug. "That, I can't say. It's unlikely that any of us will be pardoned, most especially myself. You will return to your friends and your life as a Konoha shinobi, and the rest of us will go our separate ways, I suppose. If we all survive, that is."

Itachi wasn't considering the small little factor that Sakura didn't _want_ to leave Deidara and go her own way. She couldn't stand the thought of never seeing him again. But would she have a choice? Would Deidara even want her once he learned she'd been lying to him, and was loyal to a village that wanted him dead? There was only one way to find out: she would have to tell him.

Other than her personal issues it almost seemed too good to be true—that she had allies on the inside who would help her. For the first time, she could see a light at the end of the tunnel, and she smiled a little as she stood and straightened the folds of her cloak. "We've been in here a while, and we don't want to look suspicious. I should go now anyway…I have a long letter to write."

Itachi stood as well. "I'll see you when you return, Sakura."

They left the library, heading in opposite directions down the hallway.

* * *

It took time to write the message to Konoha, and when she'd finished her hand and neck were stiff and she had a killer headache. She'd also created what was possibly the largest army of ants the world had ever seen. She waited until the last one disappeared under the crack in the base of the wall before concealing the scroll and heading for the bathroom.

Nothing eased stress better than a long, steaming shower, and she stayed there until the hot water ran out – which was a very long time in this place. After dressing she laid on the bed and tried not to think about anything. From that point on she didn't move, unable to sleep but unable to do anything productive either.

It was full dark by the time Deidara returned. Sakura sat up when she heard the door handle click and crawled to sit at the edge of the bed, hands on either side of her thighs.

He entered quietly and closed the door behind him, removed his cloak and clay pouches and set them over the back of a chair. Sakura watched him as he sighed and ran a hand through his hair before rubbing the back of his neck.

When he turned they simply gazed at each other, many things passing between them in the silent space, some discernable, some not.

Finally, Sakura stood and moved toward him. He moved as well, until they met in the center of the dimly lit room. She drew up toe to toe with him and stopped, eyes resting on a strand of hair falling over his shoulder. He smelled faintly of smoke and earth, and she could see and feel how tired he was, as if he'd used almost all of his chakra. She didn't want to know where he'd gone or what he had needed to do to cool off. He seemed fine now, calm and relaxed and…unusually docile.

"Sorry I took off without you," he said, quietly.

"It's alright," she replied. "I understand why." She sighed and leaned against him, letting her forehead rest on his collarbone.

He held her gently by the arms, lightly callused fingers brushing her bare skin. "You okay?"

She closed her eyes and nodded against him, hooking her index fingers into the belt loops of his pants. "Yeah, I'm just tired. It's been a very…_complicated_ day."

They stood that way for a while, taking solace in each other's presence. Sakura breathed deep and closed her eyes against the swell of emotion stirred by just this simple act. Just a simple touch, just being close to him and feeling his warmth like this could make all of her troubles fade. How could she ever give this up? How could this be wrong?

It wasn't. That was the simple answer to a very difficult question. It wasn't wrong, and it wasn't unhealthy, or any of the other negative ideas she'd been going round and round with. It was complicated and more than likely doomed to end in pain, but it wasn't wrong. The way she felt when in his arms, when they were just two people _together, _like this, had nothing to do with dependency or convenience. She could feel it flowing back and forth between them, swirling into and around each other; the most wonderful, comforting energy, and in the stillness of the moment she knew that Deidara felt it too. It was as real and deep a connection as she had ever known.

She raised her head to see his face, and had to smile at what she saw. "You got sunburned," she informed him, tenderly brushing her fingertips over the bridge of his nose.

Deidara gave a soft huff of amusement when her fingertips began to glow a faint green. "You spoil me, yeah," he murmured quietly, his hands slipping down her arms to encircle her waist.

Her smile widened playfully. "Well, we can't have that gorgeous face of yours all red and peeling, now can we?"

He grinned crookedly, though not nearly as arrogantly as she expected after such a compliment. When she finished he tightened his arms around her and lowered his head to her shoulder, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck. She linked her hands behind his neck and leaned into him, wondering at the sudden surge of affection.

Deidara held her, breathing slow and even against her neck. "You always smell so good," he murmured. One hand moved up her back and settled between her shoulder blades, pressing her tighter to him, and his nose brushed softly against her jaw and over her temple as he lifted his head. "And you're so beautiful," he sighed into her hair.

Something was different with him, not in a bad way...not by any means. But he wasn't usually this openly tender. Sakura wondered what happened to spark this sudden shift. Lifting her head from his shoulder, she met his gaze curiously. His expression was as open as a book, and he seemed a little lost. "Are you alright?" she asked softly.

"Yeah," he assured with a faint nod, smiling a little.

She studied him a moment before asking, "Why did you do that earlier?"

His expression darkened. "Because he went too far."

"You shouldn't rise to his provocations so easily. You'll only make it worse," she cautioned quietly. "And you didn't need to interfere. I could have taken care of it myself."

"I _did_ need to interfere, because that bastard had no right to lay even one finger on you. You're mine."

Sakura frowned and pulled back from him, but his arms tightened around her waist. He had no intention of letting go. "I'm not a piece of _property_, Deidara. I don't belong to anyone," she reproved.

He rolled his eyes a little. "You know that's not what I meant. I know I don't _own_ you…but you're still mine, yeah."

"So what, you were just marking your territory or something?" She pushed against him again, growing more irritated.

Deidara huffed in exasperation. "Damn it, Sakura, stop being ridiculous."

She glared petulantly at him. "Then stop talking like a chauvinist."

He sighed at her absurdity and his hand came around to brush the hair back from her temple. "I did it because you're my girl and I won't allow anyone to treat you like that, okay?" His thumb traced softly over her cheek and he seemed to struggle with himself a moment. Then he gave her a tiny, tentative smile. "I did it because…I love you."

Sakura stared at him in a long moment of shock. Then she looked away and pushed against him again, hard enough to force him into letting go. "Don't play around like that, Deidara," she snapped, turning her back to him so he couldn't see the expression on her face. Suddenly she felt like she couldn't breathe.

Deidara grabbed her elbow and gently spun her around to face him. She wouldn't meet his eyes.

"I'm not joking, Sakura," he said very quietly. She could hear in his tone that he was slightly offended by her abrupt dismissal of his confession. He stepped closer and gently grasped her chin. "Look at me."

When she finally found the courage to meet his gaze her eyes were wide, almost fearful. Her heart clenched painfully at what she saw in his open expression.

He gave a faint laugh. "Is it so hard to believe?"

"_Yes_," she choked, pulling her eyes away from his again.

"Well believe it. I realized it today, after what happened. I love you, Sakura."

She shook her head, brow creasing. "No you don't, Deidara. Just the casual way you say it tells me you don't."

He laughed again, this time without humor. "How am I supposed to say it, then? Do you want me to spout poetry at you, or maybe a serenade? I'll warn you I don't sing very well, so—"

"Stop," she whispered pleadingly, eyes closing tight.

He paused, shifting his weight a little. "You're not making this very easy..."

The uncertainty in his voice made her heart wrench. "You shouldn't love me. You _can't_ love me," she said brokenly, fighting back the stinging behind her eyelids.

"I know," he said softly. "But it doesn't change the fact that I do, yeah."

Sakura could only shake her head again. She had to deny it. She had to fight it, because if she acknowledged it, accepted it…it would break them both in the end.

He lifted her face upward, and sighed in annoyance when she still wouldn't meet his eyes. "You just don't want it to be true because you're scared. I get it, believe me I do. It freaked the hell out of me too. But what's the point of denying how we feel? And I _know_ you feel it too, Sakura." He lowered his face to hers until their noses brushed, their lips only a fraction apart. "Don't tell me you can't feel it right now…this crazy pull between us."

Sakura opened her eyes, a final spark of defiance in their jade depths. "That's lust, Deidara. Not love."

He gave her a frustrated look. "I know the difference, Sakura."

"No you don't," she argued. "How would you when you've never been in love?"

"That's _exactly_ how I know; because I've never felt like this before. Yes, there's plenty of lust…mountains of it. We can't ever seem to get enough of each other, can we? Every time I'm near you like this I feel like I still need to be closer. The lust is the obvious part.

"But what about the fact that being around you just…puts me at ease, yeah. I feel like I can be myself with you, that I can…can show you things about me that I wouldn't trust anyone else to know. And when you're happy, I'm in a better mood too. And when you wake up crying at night I can't sleep until you stop, and it's not because it's annoying, it's because I can't stand to see you that way. When you're unhappy I feel restless, like I need to do something to make you better, to make you smile again. What is that called, hm?"

Sakura was crying openly now, unable to lie to herself anymore. He really meant it. He really loved her. It should make her heart soar with joy, and part of it did. But it was tainted by sadness. How was this ever going to work out when they were from different worlds? She could already feel her heart breaking.

She met his gaze sorrowfully. "Deidara, we—"

His thumb on her lips cut her off. "You can't deny it, Sakura." Vibrant blue eyes pierced straight into her heart. "Tell me you don't love me," he challenged quietly.

A silent sob escaped her and she clung to him, grasping the front of his shirt. "_I do_," she whispered brokenly, throat constricting against another sob. "Gods help me I do."

Her breath hitched as she felt his lips press softly to her brow, then her eyelids – kissing away her tears, then her nose, her cheeks, and when he finally claimed her lips she was undone.

She had nothing left to fight with. There was nothing left to do but give in and accept that somehow – unintentionally, irrationally, foolishly, hopelessly – they had fallen in love.

She kissed him desperately, drowning in her emotions, clinging to him as if her were her lifeline. He _was_ her lifeline, her friend, her lover, her confidant, her sanity. This man, who she never would have known if not for a crazy twist of fate, had become everything she needed and more. She knew that she would never be able to let him go after this. She was damning herself and him as well, but she could no longer deny the truth in her heart.

"I love you, Deidara," she whispered tearfully, "I love you so much."

He made some small sound against her neck; a murmured sigh she couldn't make out. And then he was kissing her again, and he picked her up into his arms as if she weighed nothing. He carried her over to the bed and gently laid her down, lowering himself as well, never releasing her from his arms.

They made love like it was the first time, every kiss slow and lingering, every caress tender and full of meaning, expressing through touch what words could never fully convey. And afterward as they held each other in the still, darkened room, Sakura finally knew the peace of mind that had eluded her until this point. The sadness was gone, and in its place was a feeling of serene acceptance.

She would never question it again. He needed her, and she needed him, in ways neither of them had yet fully discovered. She had found love in the most unlikely of circumstances, with a man who had never known love of any kind until now. Something so beautiful and profound could never be wrong.

A life without love was not worth living, and whatever consequences may come from her decision, she would face them without regret.


	15. Flames to Dust

**Vertigo**

Chapter Fifteen: Flames to Dust

* * *

The Lightning country was breathtakingly beautiful. The highland landscape was filled with rich green valleys, dotted with lakes separated by jutting mountain peaks crowned with thick clouds. It had a primordial, almost mythical look, like something out of a storybook her mother had read to her as a child. Everything Sakura saw gave off a sense of serenity, and she was filled with it as she leaned against Deidara's back and watched the magnificent scenery pass below them.

Although it was summer the air held a chill at this elevation, and she pressed her cheek between his shoulder blades to escape the sudden blast of cold as they passed through another low lying cloudbank. A thin sheen of moisture clung to the exposed parts of her skin from the condensation in the air, enhancing the chill. She felt bad for Deidara, who was taking the brunt of it.

Shinobi villages were always aptly named, and this one was no different. The village of Hidden Cloud was located high in the mountains and obscured by a thick layer of mist. Currently they were flying over a volcanic crater, across a massive lake broken by dozens of small, conical shaped islands, like miniature mountains jutting from the surface. They were in the right area, based on the description and coordinates they had, but the fog made it impossible to see clearly.

Deidara spotted it on his scope first, and pointed it out for her. They passed through another low cloud and then she saw it, built right up against the side of one of the larger peaks. It looked more like an old stone fortress or temple than a town at first glance, but as they got closer she was able to take in more details. The village was built in ascending tiers, and branched off to the sides as well, curving around the mountainside, the sectors connected by long rope bridges. Another series of connecting rope bridges crossed the lake and three different peaks before winding down a long set of stairs to a dock at the water's edge. The only way to get there was by boat, then a bridge walk of at least a mile to the gates. Sakura could tell with one glance that this village was constructed to be easily defended against attack.

Normally that would mean nothing for them, since they were flying and could drop right down into the village center if they wanted. But before they left Pein had instructed them to be diplomatic and follow the rules because what they were doing here was very important. He'd been rather cryptic about it, refusing to tell them what the meeting was for, only saying that the Raikage would explain it all. It made them both suspicious, but they knew it wasn't a setup to send them waltzing into one of the five great shinobi villages. If Pein wanted them dead for whatever reason he would have done it himself.

Kumo shinobi were known for being reclusive, and rarely took missions outside of their own territory. In fact the only time Sakura had ever seen any were at the chuunin exams, and they had kept to themselves. They didn't seem to care about the outside world, and she was very curious about why the Raikage would want a meeting with Akatsuki.

In accordance with the rules, they landed on the pier and dismounted. There were no guards visible, but as they looked around they spotted small watchtowers all along the sides of the cliffs. They were being watched from a distance, but were being allowed to pass without interference.

Deidara turned to her as their transport vanished with an airy '_pop,_' angling himself so he blocked her from the invisible eyes up on the hill. Before she could figure out what he was doing he'd popped the middle clasp on her cloak and slipped his hands inside, under her shirt, pressing his icy palms against her bare skin.

Sakura jumped with a startled gasp. "Shit, your hands are freezing!" She gasped again and tensed further when he moved his hands around to the small of her back. "Stop that! We're being watched, you know. They're going to think you're feeling me up or something."

"What, like this?" Icy fingers began to trail up her ribs.

"Would you knock it off!" she growled under her breath, but couldn't help the small tug of amusement on her lips.

"But you're so warm under all these layers," he argued, smirking.

"So are you! Stick your hands up your own shirt, damn it!" She tried to squirm away without alerting their unseen watchers to any strange movement.

"That would defeat the whole purpose," he complained. Sakura glared at him, and his features settled into that pouty frown she found adorable. "I was the one getting pelted by wind and wet clouds all the way here."

She wasn't moved by his attempt at a guilt trip. "Jeez, Deidara, I didn't know you were such a pansy," she retorted slyly.

His eyes narrowed in indignation, and his frozen hands slipped from under her clothing. "Next time _you're_ sitting in front, yeah."

Sakura just gave him a disarming smile and refastened her cloak, then began walking toward the base of the long staircase. "You can put your hands wherever you want later on. Let's go."

Deidara stared after her with slightly awestruck eyes for a moment, then finally remembered himself and followed after her with a silly smile.

They climbed slowly, taking their time on the stairs and rope bridges, constantly aware of the wary eyes following their progress. When they reached the massive closed gates a porthole opened to one side, the guard behind it demanding they identify themselves.

"You should already know since your Kage is expecting us. And if you can't tell who we are just by looking, you really need to get out more, yeah," Deidara replied snarkily.

A long minute of quiet followed as the guards on the other side conferred with each other. Finally the gates pulled inward with a low groan, just wide enough to let them through. On the other side they were stopped again by a squad of ANBU who surrounded them, keeping a wary but respectful distance, and told them to wait while one ran off to inform the Raikage of their arrival.

"I'd heard Cloud was old fashioned…I guess they weren't exaggerating," Sakura mused aloud as they took in their surroundings.

The entire village was constructed in a traditional style, not a modern building anywhere in sight. It was getting dark, so she could tell they had electricity, at least, but paper lanterns still lined the streets as an actual light source. The villagers were old fashioned as well; walking around in an archaic style of dress that was only seen in Konoha during festivals and rich people's weddings. Even the shinobi on duty wore a version of the old style ninja attire, with the exception of the ANBU who looked the same as any other. It seemed to fit with the overall atmosphere of their country, but it was still a curious thing to see.

At least it was for her. "Hn," Deidara murmured just to acknowledge he'd heard her, clearly unimpressed. The architecture was beautiful, in her opinion, but Deidara was never moved by static forms of art.

Several minutes passed as they waited, and they grew restless quickly. Deidara began fiddling in his clay pouches, though Sakura couldn't tell if he was seriously contemplating artistic destruction or if he just wanted to freak out their growing audience. Many of the villagers gave them strange leers as they passed, and some stopped altogether to join the scattering of shinobi who had suddenly gathered around the gates. Sakura had the feeling that whatever business the Raikage wanted to discuss with Akatsuki, there were many in Kumo who didn't agree with his plan. At least she felt confident that her volatile partner would behave himself this time.

When the ANBU runner finally returned Sakura was glad. The tension had risen with every minute and it was clear they were not welcome with the larger part of the population. She began to wonder if their treatment from the Raikage would be any better.

The squad of ANBU escorted them to the Raikage tower, which looked very much like the keep of an antiquated fortress. Dusk had fully descended by the time they reached the ornately constructed building on the highest tier, and the temperature had dropped significantly with the climb and loss of daylight. Sakura staved off a chill as they made their way up the building's stone steps, and hoped this archaic village knew what central heating was.

They were led through dimly lit halls to the top floor, stopping before large double doors that must be the Raikage's office. At this point Sakura half expected to find him seated on the floor in the old custom with a court of retainers lined up on either side, so she was somewhat surprised when they were let in and found a regular, if rather sparsely furnished office.

The Raikage did not rise from his desk to greet them, but Sakura could tell that he was a small, thin, almost frail man. His aged face was austere like the room around him, with sharp, penetrating grey eyes that belied his obvious age. Despite his fragile appearance he had an air of underlying power – he was a Kage, after all. The contrast of appearance to aura reminded her of the Sandaime, but where the Third Hokage had been a warm, kindhearted man, the Raikage was clearly not.

"Welcome to Kumogakure," he greeted, his baritone voice every bit as stern as she had expected it to be. "From what I hear your method of arrival was rather unconventional."

"So was our reception," Deidara retorted. "They were practically foaming at the mouth down at the gates. Forget to tell your people we were coming?"

The Raikage folded his hands before him on the desk, robes of office rustling softly with the movement. "The common people do not often think in terms of their best interests. That is what positions of power are for, and sometimes the hard decisions are unpopular. Do not worry; you are safe here."

Deidara snorted under his breath. "Who's worried? I doubt there's anyone here who could pose a threat to us."

Before the conversation could venture any further down that road, Sakura redirected the topic. "Why have you asked us here? What business could Hidden Cloud have to discuss with Akatsuki?"

Those hard grey eyes fixed on her. "I will be blunt. It is well known throughout the five nations that Akatsuki has now obtained all but one of the bijuu, and that once you have the nine-tails possessed by Hidden Leaf our very existences will be at risk. You will attack us all with the full force of the bijuu and your mercenary army, and force us into submission or eradicate us altogether. Am I correct?"

"Something like that," Deidara replied.

The Raikage nodded once. "I am aware that there is no way to defeat Akatsuki when they control the tailed demons, and I have my people to think about. I've been in contact with the Mizukage of late, and though we are not really allies we are of like minds in this situation. Our way of life must be preserved at any cost, and so we wish to find a solution that will be mutually beneficial to all sides."

"Honor and justice pale in comparison to self-preservation, eh?" Sakura interjected, a hint of contempt leaking into her tone.

The Raikage gave her a strange look, and even Deidara flicked a brief sidelong glance at her. It was an odd thing to say, she supposed, since from the outside in she appeared to be no better.

"We are realists, the Mizukage and I. We could fight Akatsuki, but what good would that do when the outcome is inevitable? Even if I had the two of you killed now—"

Instantly they were on edge.

"You're talking to the guy who abducted the Kazekage five years ago. I'm sure you heard about that…don't think for a second I won't do the same thing here," Deidara said darkly.

"You're welcome to try and kill us, but the outcome won't be very conducive to this village's survival plans," Sakura added.

The two sides stared each other down, one tense and hostile, the other hard and unmoved.

"Shall we start with _you_?" Sakura said quietly, jade eyes burning coldly. It didn't really surprise her to realize she wasn't bluffing. He may be the Raikage, but she wouldn't tolerate threats and she _would_ fight him if he tried to kill her or Deidara.

The Raikage raised a dry, wrinkled hand. "There is no need for such hostility; I was only speaking in theory. Please allow me to finish before you go tearing apart my tower."

Deidara and Sakura relaxed somewhat, but continued to glare warily.

"As I was saying…even if I _were_ to do such a thing, what difference would it make? You would be replaced, and this village would be at the top of the list for destruction. There is no fighting Akatsuki, not in any real sense. We are not as foolish as the Leaf, who believes that all evil can be conquered by justice. Sometimes all you can do is stay out of the way, and that has been Kumogakure's outlook for many generations. But in this case those measures will not be sufficient."

"So what is it you want?" Deidara asked curtly.

The Raikage gave a grim, tightlipped smile. "There is an old saying…'Better to be the right hand of the devil, than in his path.'"

Sakura's eyes widened slightly. "You want to _join_ us?"

"Cooperate, would be the better term. The Mizukage informs me that Mist already has such an arrangement with Akatsuki, and that it would be in Cloud's best interest to make a similar deal."

They restrained themselves from looking at each other, but this was news to both of them. Akatsuki had a deal with Mist, and now Cloud wanted in? Who had made the deal with Mist, and why weren't _they_ here instead? Furthermore, why the hell hadn't they been told any of this before coming here!

"And what do you plan to offer for it?" she asked, keeping her expression neutral.

The Raikage smiled in that same humorless manner. "The same as Mist did, obviously. Akatsuki has an army, but it is a force of mercenaries; shinobi you scrounged up from the civil strife of smaller villages, yes? You will need more than a ragtag band of mediocre origin to take on Konoha. What I offer is this: Cloud will join with Mist and go to war against Leaf. Sand will join with them, no doubt, but I imagine it will take little persuasion for Stone to join our side, since they've held a decades-long feud with both Leaf and Sand. We will weaken the village for you, making it practically effortless to obtain the kyuubi from them. And for your part, once you have the kyuubi and begin to do whatever destruction and mayhem it is that you plan to do, you will leave Cloud in peace."

Several moments passed as they stared at the Raikage. Sakura was filled with cold shock. They were talking about another shinobi world war, with Konoha – her home – being hit from all sides.

It was a bogus arrangement, obviously, and she couldn't believe Mist and Cloud actually believed that Akatsuki would hold up to their end of the deal. All shinobi villages would fall in the end, because that was what Uchiha Madara wanted. She wanted to scream at him and slap some sense into these idiots. They should help Konoha _protect_ Naruto, not attack! If the five greater nations put aside their territorial squabbling and joined together against Akatsuki, they could easily take them down. Instead they wanted to aid their own downfall. But she couldn't say any of this, to anyone, and it only increased her frustration.

"You say you want to protect your people and save them from destruction, but going to war with Konoha will surely get a large percentage of them killed," she pointed out curtly.

"They are shinobi and are prepared for it. Besides, the deaths of a few are better than the deaths of all," he replied evenly.

Sakura tried her best not to scowl at him. What kind of leader could be so blasé about sending his people to slaughter? Did the other hidden villages really consider their shinobi forces to be nothing more than expendable tools?

"Well? Is such a plan favorable to Akatsuki? I can't see how it wouldn't be."

Deidara glanced at her, expecting her to answer because she was the more diplomatic one, but she didn't trust herself to speak right now. He sensed her reluctance and answered instead.

"The deal was made with Mist, so I don't see why it couldn't be with Cloud too. We'll inform our leader of your offer, and he'll handle any further negotiations himself, yeah."

The Raikage seemed frustrated that they wouldn't give him an official answer, but eventually gave a formal nod of assent. "Very well. I look forward to speaking with him." He stood, and they did as well. "I have ordered a room arranged for the night. The summer does not reach this part of Lightning country, and the wind temperatures at this altitude are near freezing at night. It would be unwise to travel, especially by air."

They didn't trust the Raikage or the people of this village, but there wasn't another town for many miles and he was right about the weather being too dangerous for travel, so they agreed reluctantly and were shown to one of the ambassadors' suites in the tower.

When they entered the room and their ANBU escorts left them alone, Deidara slid all the bolts on the door and chakra sealed them for good measure, and Sakura did the same with the windows. It was a large suite with multiple bedrooms, meant for large diplomatic parties, and richly decorated to show off the village's status. They made their way into the largest of the bedchambers, and Deidara chuckled to himself as he removed his cloak. "At least our accommodations are decent…and heated. With all the outdated stuff around here I half expected us to find a couple of bedrolls around a sunken fire pit, yeah."

Sakura didn't reply. She hadn't said a word since before the meeting ended. She stood near the foot of the large bed without moving, staring blankly at the floor, numb with dread.

Her silence made him look over, and he frowned anxiously at the expression on her face. He crossed the room to stand before her and lightly touched her chin. "Hey…"

She gave the faintest shake of her head, her brow knitting anxiously. "Naruto…and all of my friends…"

"Friends that turned on you for breaking the law, even though you only broke it to do what you thought was right," he countered quietly.

He was only trying to make her feel better, but it wasn't working. Perhaps it would have, if it were the truth. She shook her head more firmly. "No…not everyone." She sighed wearily and ran her hands over her face. "And either way, Konoha doesn't deserve it. I can't go through with this…"

His frown deepened. "Then what will you do? What _can_ you do? If you don't go along with it you'll be killed."

"Some things are worse than death, Deidara." She held his gaze, watched the conflicting emotions play behind his eyes. Then he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her against him tightly.

"Don't talk like that," he said, pressing his cheek against her temple. "Don't ever say things like that."

She could hear the concern in his voice, and it tugged at her heart. He was worried she wouldn't be able to do what was necessary for her job as an Akatsuki and that it would get her killed. But that wasn't the real issue at all. He needed to know the truth, though she couldn't tell him right now. Not here, where the walls undoubtedly had ears. They had orders to head for Fuzen next—she would tell him there.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled against him, taking comfort in the knowledge that he loved her and would want to help her, and that if everything went according to plan, the terrible fate she'd learned of tonight would never come to pass.

Keeping those reassuring thoughts in mind she was able to sleep that night, though only a little. Deidara remained restless as well, both of them passing in and out of sleep in short naps as neither felt secure in their surroundings.

They left at dawn without a word to anyone, because formalities were an unnecessary hassle and there was nothing left to say. They flew southeast toward the ocean, where they would follow the coast south until they reached their next destination.

* * *

True to his word, Deidara _did_ make her sit in front. But Sakura didn't mind, because it was a very pleasant journey, the weather finally evening out as they traveled south until it returned to the warm summer climate. The coastal scenery was beautiful, with clear blue skies and sparkling white-capped waves along the sometimes rocky, sometimes sandy beaches. The air was refreshing in that cool-yet-comfortable way, tangy and crisp with a hint of salt. With the spectacular view and Deidara's arms securely around her waist she felt relaxed and peaceful enough that her troubles temporarily faded to the background.

It was late afternoon when their destination came into view. Fuzen – industrial port and hub of all things underworld – was enveloped in a thick layer of smog that they saw from miles away, tainting the pristine coastline.

Not up for walking through the crowded, noisy streets on such a hot day, they flew right over the city and landed on the roof of Yakushiji Saito's renowned house of sin, receiving only a few strange stares from intoxicated passersby as they effortlessly scaled the side of the three story building.

Inside, they were greeted by Mina the madam, who enthusiastically chatted their ears off while they barely listened – in Deidra's case, probably not at all – and waited for their host.

Saito seemed just as pleased to see them, greeting them much the same way as the first time, as though they _weren't_ there to extort a ridiculous amount of money from him.

For Sakura the meeting passed in a blur; she barely paid attention to what was being said as she was no longer able to keep her mind off the impending doom of her home. She needed to get a message to Konoha immediately. They were staying for the next three days while Saito collected the funds from all of his assets, so she would do it while they were here, as soon as possible.

Deidara seemed to realize she was preoccupied, so he handled most of the business at the meeting and offered to go out and pick up dinner for them once they'd been given the keys to their usual room. He was being awfully sweet and understanding and she told him so, to which he grew adorably flustered and hurried out of the room, running back halfway to kiss her and then running out again.

Sakura thanked the stars that she had him with her through all of this mess, and silently vowed to tell him later tonight.

When he'd been gone for several minutes and she knew she was alone, she pulled the concealed message scroll from inside her cloak. Deidara would be out for a while, she knew, remembering from before that the only decent places to eat were on the other side of town in a nicer, more upright district.

There was a lot to say and it took her a good while to write it all down. She'd been sending a lot of messages lately, two or three times longer than usual, because everything was beginning to snowball. First the hachibi extraction, then the news of Pein coming for Naruto, then the truth about Uchiha Madara, and now a massive impending war. Her poor shishou must be about to have a nervous breakdown. Sakura wished she could be there, but knew she was doing more here than she ever could in Konoha.

In all honesty she was disillusioned and resentful since her revealing conversation with Itachi. Sakura was certain that there were even more dark secrets in Konoha's past if one were to look deep enough, some she had suspicions about already. She'd come to realize that there were no good guys in the shinobi world, only different levels of bad. She had understood the concept beforehand, but now she _knew_, with the hard certainty only experience could give.

Still, like Itachi had said, she was loyal to the people she loved and the bonds they shared, if not to the idea of duty and country. Tsunade was like a surrogate mother to her. Her teammates were her brothers. She cherished her friends, respected her fellow shinobi and comrades in arms, and felt bound to protect the innocent lives of the civilian population. Konoha was her home and it was filled with people and places and memories that were precious to her. It was with those things that her loyalties lay, and it was _that_ which she would fight to protect.

She rubbed her aching hand and glanced out the window, and with a start realized she'd lost track of time. It was full dark now, and she needed to finish up quickly. She took a few moments to conclude her message and then made the seals, placing her fingertips at the correct places on the scroll.

The transformation of words into animals was still fascinating after all this time, and she studied the squiggly little mice as they formed and scurried away. She wished they could turn into birds, as birds traveled much faster than tiny rodents with tiny legs, but apparently that wasn't possible. As it was, Konoha wouldn't receive this message for a few days at least.

Sakura sighed and ran a hand through her hair…and then it dropped numbly to her side as a dark aura made the hairs on the back of her neck prickle. A cold nausea settled in her gut as she realized what she should have realized some time ago but had been too preoccupied to notice.

She was no longer alone.

#

Sakura turned slowly, afraid to confirm what she already knew.

Deidara stood in the open doorway, takeout bag hanging limply on one hand, eyes following the mice trail as it disappeared down into the floorboards. When the last of it had gone he shut the door behind him – hard – and dropped the bag to the floor, forgotten.

When his eyes lifted slowly and locked with hers the breath was forced from her lungs at the cold, burning intensity she saw there. It was a look he reserved only for his most despised enemies. Those eyes told her he _knew_. He knew everything; with one glance he'd put all the little pieces together. And he was furious.

Sakura took a quick, deep breath and opened her mouth to speak, but her throat constricted around the words. That look on his face, directed at _her_, left a physical pain in her chest. The silence stretched for a short eternity, livid and tense and _cutting_. She couldn't look away from those hard, angry eyes.

When he finally broke the silence his voice was low and menacing and full of disbelief. "_Spy_…you're a…_spy_."

Sakura blanched at the venom in his words. She wouldn't insult him by denying it, and gave a faint nod.

"All this time…you've been working for Konoha."

Again she nodded, shoulders slumping under the weight of her guilt and the pressure of his anger.

For one instant Deidara was too shocked to control his expression and she saw it; a split second of hurt and absolute betrayal that cut through her heart like the dullest of knives. Then his eyes narrowed, rage contorting his features into something she would have found ugly had she been capable of thinking him so.

"_Fuck_…it all makes sense now. That's why you have such a hard time doing this job…why you're so fucking reluctant…you really _are_ a goody-goody Leaf ninja! _This_ is why you have nightmares, why you can't stand the thought of your jinchuuriki teammate being captured, why you begged me to leave him there that day…. You…you fucking _lying bitch_!"

Sakura recoiled as if struck, and bit her lip so hard she tasted copper as she fought against tears. "I didn't want you to find out like this, I—"

Deidara disappeared. Her eyes found him a fraction of a second before she was slammed into the wall, vision filling with stars as her back and head hit hard.

"Shut up!" he snarled, fingers gripping her throat tightly. "Shut the fuck up, you deceitful, _twofaced _bitch…I should just fucking kill you right here…"

Sakura didn't resist his suffocating grip, keeping her hands fisted tightly in her sleeves, knowing if she touched him at all he might completely snap. Tears streamed down her face as she struggled to breathe. Deidara's breaths were hot and heavy against her cheek, seething with fury. She gazed steadily into his eyes and let him see her guilt, her heartache. "Deidara, please…" she choked, barely a whisper that he wouldn't have heard were he not right in her face, "please let me…explain."

Deidara only tightened his grip, cutting off any further attempts at speech. The seconds ticked by as they teetered on the edge of something dark and horrendous. Sakura didn't fight, pleading with him with her eyes. She could see it there in the blue depths, behind the burning anger— confusion and disbelief and deep, deep betrayal. It cut her again, ground the dull edge into her bones, and she would have let out a sob if her constricted throat had allowed her to do so.

Her vision began to blur with more than tears, slowly growing dark. But she couldn't let him kill her. Other people were counting on her. She had to survive. She wanted to believe he wouldn't, _couldn't_, but if he didn't let go soon she would have to do something drastic. If he really intended to kill her she would have to fight him. The very thought tore the wound wider.

Sakura closed her eyes as the burning in her lungs and the throbbing in her temples became almost unbearable, tears streaming freely down her reddened cheeks.

Suddenly with a rough shove she was free, and it was all she could do not to sink to the floor as she gasped and heaved for precious oxygen. When her lungs stopped screaming and her eyes regained focus they searched for him and found him a few feet away with his back to her, his body rigid with the force of his anger. He said nothing, but she knew he was waiting for her to speak, to explain this nightmare.

"I was going to tell you," she began, still panting slightly, fingers massaging her aching throat. "In fact I was going to tell you tonight. Deidara, please believe me."

"Why the fuck should I believe _anything_ you have to say," he growled without turning his head.

"It's true that I've been keeping things from you, and I'm so sorry I deceived you like that. At first it was to protect myself, but then as you became my friend it was to protect _you_, so that if I was discovered I wouldn't drag you down with me. I've wanted to tell you for so long, Deidara…since the night I fell asleep in your room…"

Deidara stiffened, as if her words had hit something deep. She imagined him flinching, and the cut became a little deeper.

"Please think about it," she pleaded, daring to take one step closer to him. He sensed her movement and tensed, and she stopped. "I let you see my true self. I expressed my doubts and fears to you. I let you see how hard this whole ordeal has been for me. Would I have done those things if I didn't know I could trust you? I'm not your enemy, Deidara. If I was I would have fought you just now when you tried to strangle me." Saying it out loud was another stab, and her breath hitched as she fought a fresh wave of tears. "I'd be fighting you still, or I would have escaped already, not be standing here trying to explain. Please believe me, Deidara. I've been waiting for the right time to tell you everything."

She took a deep, steadying breath.

"I need you to understand that nothing I've ever said to you has been a lie. None of it was an act. Every word I've ever spoken, everything I've ever expressed…it was all real. _Everything_," she said quietly, willing him to understand.

Deidara remained stone cold and silent, refusing to look at her.

"I was going to get you out before we made our move. Tonight I was going to tell you about our plans…I wanted you to help me, help _us_. Itachi, he—"

Deidara whirled on her. "_Itachi_? What about _Itachi_?" He stared at her a moment, then made a disgusted noise as it hit him. "So _he_ knows, huh? You tell that bastard Uchiha but you didn't tell me? Well that's fucking _wonderful_!"

She shook her head quickly. "No. He knew already…I didn't know he knew until a few days ago. He—"

"Stop," he said harshly, his voice strained and heavy. "Just cut the bullshit already, Sakura. Nothing you say will make me believe a single word out of your lying, manipulative mouth. You're nothing but a _spy_…a fucking _rat_."

"It wasn't a lie," she choked, losing control of her tears again.

"You're lying right now! And stop that fucking crying; I know it's just part of your game." His lip curled viciously, eyes burning with accusation. "It was all part of your act, wasn't it? This whole thing…this…this fucking _sham_ of a relationship with me. You fucking _used_ me…saying and doing whatever you had to, to try and make me fall for you so you could manipulate me!"

She shook her head adamantly, eyes wide and pleading. "No! No, I never –"

"Who else have you been playing this little game with, huh? Who else are you fucking in order to keep their guard down? That goddamn Uchiha?"

Sakura took a step back in pure shock at his accusation. This time it was _her_ eyes that showed hurt and betrayal, that he could possibly think such a thing of her. "No one," she said brokenly, "I swear on my life, Deidara, everything between us is real."

"It's not real! None of it is real! You're a lying, conniving _bitch_ and I _never_ should have trusted you!"

"I'm sorry," she said, voice breaking on a sob. "I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

Deidara scoffed. "_Hurt me_? Fucking ridiculous. I'm not _hurt_, Sakura, I'm _pissed off,_ to the point that I'm seriously tempted to snap your fucking neck. If you think you _hurt_ me you fooled _yourself_ even more than you fooled me, yeah."

"Deidara—" She took a half step toward him.

His hand shot out in warning. "No! Fuck you! Don't you pull that manipulation shit on me, with the crying and the puppy dog eyes…and if you come any closer you'll seriously regret it."

"Why won't you listen to me?" she pleaded.

His glare was scathing. "How many times do I have to say it, Sakura? You're a fucking liar! A rat! You're worse than trash!"

Those were the words that broke her. Her knees gave out and she sank to the floor, holding her hands over her mouth to muffle her sobs, shoulders shaking with the effort. It wasn't supposed to happen like this! How could he turn on her so quickly after all they'd been through? He'd said he loved her…how could he say these things to her…

Minutes passed in tense silence, her broken weeping the only sound in the room. Deidara was watching her, she could feel his eyes on her as well as his turbulent chakra close by, but she couldn't raise her head from her hands, too overcome by how quickly and horribly everything had spun out of control. She'd been discovered and he wasn't going to take her side. Would he expose her now? Should she make a run for it? She didn't know what to do. She didn't know…

"Get out."

His quiet but firm words jolted her into lifting her head in his direction. The strained weariness in his voice made her almost think he felt bad for what he'd just said, and she wanted to run and fling her arms around him. But she was too unsure. He'd turned his back to her again. "What?" she choked.

"You need to leave," he reiterated, harder this time. "Go back to your precious Konoha, or wherever the fuck you want to go. I don't care, as long as it's not here, yeah. I can barely stand the sight of you, and I sure as hell won't be able to work around you anymore. The others will notice and it'll only be a matter of time before they figure it out. If you want to live then get the hell out of here and go home."

Sakura slowly got to her feet, hesitant and torn. "Deidara…it doesn't have to be this way—"

"You know what the most fucked up thing is?" he cut her off quietly, still not looking at her. He gave a short, painfully bitter laugh. "Even with all of this…you're _still_ the best partner I ever had."

Fresh tears filled her eyes and she stepped closer with a final shred of hope, and this time he didn't move to stop her. "When I said I loved you I meant it," she said softly.

Another long moment passed, and his head dipped slightly as if he was looking at the floor, but then he scoffed derisively. "Well then I feel sorry for you. Then again, maybe I don't. Serves you right for getting caught in your own game, yeah."

His harsh words shocked her. "You love me too…" she said, clinging to it like a lifeline.

Deidara turned then, and gave her the cruelest smirk she'd ever seen. "That's what I _said_. Isn't that what women always want to hear?"

She gaped at him, stricken. "I don't understand…"

He laughed savagely. "Is it that hard to figure out? Shit, Sakura, you may be a lying, manipulative bitch, but I know you're not stupid. If you really want me to spell it out for you, I will." He crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged casually. "You're hot, and you're pretty good in bed too, I'll admit. You obviously know it, since you use it to your advantage. It was convenient. That's all."

She shook her head slowly. "I don't believe you…"

He seemed to gain momentum from the pain clearly written on her features, as if he _wanted_ to hurt her, as if he _enjoyed_ it, and his smirk widened into a vindictive grin. "I don't give a shit what you believe. Now get out of my sight."

"Deidara…"

He turned his back on her again, striding a few steps away. "You have five seconds. If you're not gone when I turn around…you're gonna wish to hell you'd run."

Sakura didn't want to believe him; that he was willing and capable of killing her, that he never loved her, that he really believed the cruel things he'd said, any of it. But it didn't matter if it was true or not at this point. He wanted nothing to do with her, and it was no longer safe to be around him. She had to go before she lost her chance. She grabbed her pack in a flash and opened the door, but then stopped.

She lingered another moment, urgent yet hesitant, taking him in one last time with tearful, heartbroken eyes. Biting her lip against another sob, she turned and fled into the night, leaving the door open behind her.


	16. The Sound of Silence

**Vertigo**

Chapter Sixteen: The Sound of Silence

* * *

Sunlight broke through the canopy of the trees above, casting soft speckles of light across the grass and the expanse of smooth alabaster skin he was currently fascinated by. He brushed his nose over the silky surface, enhanced senses delighting in all the subtle facets to the scent of her sun-warmed skin. It intoxicated him. He placed little kisses here and there in his exploration, and grinned as she giggled when he placed one at the dip of her navel.

Her hand weaved into the hair atop his head and gave the smallest tug. He complied with her silent request and lifted himself, scooting up her body until they were face to face, leaning on his elbow for support.

Her hand slipped from his hair to caress his cheek and he placed his own over it, leaving it there a moment before moving their hands beside her head and lacing their fingers together. He stared at them, smiling at the contrast of his larger, tanned and callused hand enveloping her pale, tiny and soft one. When his eyes found hers he was immediately captivated by their beauty, like fathomless pools of violet swirling with tinges of liquid silver. Not so long ago he'd fallen into those eyes, and he didn't think he'd ever be able to climb out. He didn't want to, in any case.

"I love you. Have I told you that today?" he asked her with a silly smile.

She smiled up at him and nodded. "Yes. Thirteen times now."

His grin widened. "Thirteen is an unlucky number, so I'll have to make it an even fourteen." He nuzzled his nose against hers, feeling her long lashes flutter against the top of his cheek. "I love you, Hinata."

Her free hand rose to cup his face and he delighted in the feel of her soft, cool skin against his.

"I love you too, Naruto-kun."

He would never, ever get tired of hearing that. Had it really only been six months since their first date, where he'd been too impatient like always and had poured all of his feelings and intentions on her at once, causing her to faint in shock?

Naruto smiled at the memory. She'd lost that hysteric timidity around him, thankfully. Her quiet, demure nature remained though, because that was just the way she was. He liked that about her because it balanced out his hyperactive tendencies. It felt like a lot longer than five or six months though, in the good way. She was so much a part of everything he did now that it was hard to imagine a time without her by his side.

He kissed her soft lips – everything about her was _so_ soft – then laid his head on her chest, his free hand coming up to play with the strand of long raven hair lying over her shoulder. After a while he closed his eyes in peaceful contentment, listening to her breathing and feeling the warmth of the midsummer sun soak into his back.

Some unknown minutes later he stiffened as Hinata gave a tiny nervous gasp, both realizing at the same time that they weren't alone anymore. He quickly pushed himself upward into a sitting position, and Hinata self-consciously tugged the hem of her shirt down as she sat up as well, reaching for her jacket. He glanced around quickly and soon spotted the ANBU perched in the branches of a nearby tree.

"What is it?" he asked, half curious, half annoyed at the interruption of his peaceful afternoon.

"The Godaime needs to see you in her office immediately," came the mask-muted reply. Then the ANBU flickered away into the trees and out of sight.

Naruto groaned and got to his feet, tying his jacket around his waist before offering a hand to Hinata. "I guess we should go see what the old lady wants."

Hinata took his hand and got to her feet, then fidgeted uncertainly with the zipper of her coat. "Um, I don't really think he meant both of us…"

"Psh. Baa-chan won't care, and if she does you can just wait outside the office till I'm done. I promised to spend the day with you and I'm going to," he declared confidently, bending slightly to kiss her cheek. "Come on."

#

They made their way to the tower and up to the Hokage's office. The solid double doors stood open and Naruto breezed right through, while Hinata slowed to a hesitant shuffle just outside.

Tsunade's dry, resigned voice filtered out from within the office, "You come in too, Hinata. Naruto will just tell you everything anyway. And close the door behind you."

With a faint blush the Hyuuga heiress did as instructed, shutting the soundproof doors quietly before crossing to stand next to Naruto.

Tsunade sat at her desk, rubbing her temples irritably. Her face was pinched with stress and fatigue, as if she'd been up all night, and it was no surprise to anyone to see an uncorked sake bottle on the desk near her elbow.

Naruto wasn't the only one to be summoned. Kakashi and Sai were there as well. Kakashi was the only one who seemed uncurious, but that didn't really help since he was always like that.

"What's going on? I thought you weren't giving me any more missions until those Akatsuki bastards are taken out," Naruto said.

"This isn't a mission," the Hokage said. "It's time to let you in on what's been going on for the last six months."

"What do you mean?"

With a tired sigh she sat up a little straighter and rotated the open scroll on the desk around to face the group. "This arrived late last night. I'm sure you know what it is."

Naruto's features scrunched up as he examined it, then his brows rose slightly as he saw row upon row of drawn mice. "It's a coded message scroll like Sai uses," he said, glancing at the ink artist, who also wore a curious expression which said that particular scroll wasn't his.

"Right." Tsunade placed red-painted fingertips at the corresponding places on either side of the scroll, and with a flurry of ink squiggles the mice formed into several handwritten paragraphs. "Do you recognize the handwriting?"

Naruto studied it some more, frowning as he drew a blank. A moment later he heard Sai's quiet intake of breath as _he_ recognized it. He looked at Hinata, but her eyes were just as unsure as his must be. "It looks sort of familiar…but it's hard to tell, especially since it's all scratchy like whoever wrote it was in a hurry," he muttered, scratching at his scalp under the knot of his hitai-ate. "Who sent it?"

"Sakura."

His head snapped up in surprise. "_Sakura?_"

Tsunade held his gaze steadily and nodded. "The truth of the matter is this: Sakura didn't flee the village. She was sent on a mission of critical importance—an off-record, deep cover assignment. She joined Akatsuki because I asked her to, and she's been a covert agent for the last six months. This is her most recent report."

The room was silent as everyone picked their collective jaws up off the floor. Finally, as expected, it was Naruto who spoke for all of them.

"_What!_"

The Hokage sighed. "I'm sorry for deceiving you Naruto, Sai. You're Sakura's teammates and I know this has been hard on you. But I know you understand why it had to be done. Akatsuki has many sources of information and Sakura's cover had to be airtight. Not only the success of the mission, but her very _life_ depended on it."

"So she's innocent of the crime she was charged with?" Sai asked.

"No, she did it. She found and healed Deidara of Akatsuki five years ago and hid it from everyone. But that's a very complicated gray area that I've decided not to look too deep into, and it turned out well in the end because it was the perfect cover for her."

There was another long pause as they absorbed that information and tried to come to terms with it. But what happened in the past was not the most pressing concern at the moment, and they each filed it away for later pondering.

Naruto understood the situation, but it didn't stop him from being furious. "So she's been out there, risking her life every second, all alone this whole time with no one to help her? How could you just throw her to the wolves like that!"

"She's fine, Naruto. Sakura was the perfect choice for this assignment and she's done an excellent job so far."

"That's bullshit, and you know it. Just because she doesn't write it down in her reports doesn't mean she's _fine_. You know Sakura and you _know_ how hard this must be on her. On the run, being hunted everywhere she goes, knowing she's hated by most of the people in Konoha…and living with those twisted Akatsuki and pretending to be one of them! They made her be part of the eight-tails extraction! Can you imagine what that must have been like for her?"

Tsunade glared at him. "Of course I have. For six months I've been worried sick for Sakura's safety and even more for her mental and emotional wellbeing, especially with her messages growing more urgent and disturbing and Sakura's personal touch growing more distant. It keeps me up many a night, worrying about what this mission may have done to her, knowing I put her in that situation. But Sakura chose to do this willingly because she wanted to protect Konoha, and most especially _you_."

That calmed him somewhat, though he remained angry and troubled. "That explains why she did what she did that day… At first I was so angry and…and _hurt,_ that she used our friendship to trick me into letting my guard down. When I woke up I didn't understand how I was still alive in that clearing, but I realized later that she saved my life that day. But what I still don't get is how she convinced _that guy_…her _'partner'_ Deidara, to go along with it."

"Maybe not all of Akatsuki's members are a hundred percent loyal. We met Deidara a few years ago, and he didn't seem like the kind of guy who strictly plays by the rules," Kakashi said.

Naruto frowned thoughtfully. Then suddenly his eyes narrowed on his team leader. "Hey…Baa-chan only apologized for lying to me and Sai…_you_ knew about this the whole time didn't you?"

Kakashi dipped his head in apology. "Sorry. But it was for Sakura's safety that we kept it from you, not because we didn't trust you."

"Don't be angry with Kakashi. It was very difficult for him to see everyone suffer Sakura's supposed betrayal while knowing the truth. The only reason I even told him was because someone else needed to know in case something happened to me, so that Sakura wouldn't be stuck as a missing-nin forever," Tsunade reproved. "And as far as what Sakura does, including how she manages to work around that partner of hers…only Sakura knows the answers. You'll have to ask her when you next see her, which may be sooner than we thought."

All eyes focused on the Hokage intently. "What do you mean?" Naruto asked.

"This particular message from Sakura is why I called you here today and let you in on the truth," she replied. She then proceeded to tell them the details of Sakura's last three messages; about Pein coming after Naruto, about Uchiha Madara's existence and his plans for the shinobi world, and finally about the impending attack from two, possibly three hidden villages and Akatsuki's army of mercenaries.

"Is this seriously all happening at the same time?" Naruto voiced in muted shock, running a hand through his unruly hair. Hinata laid her hand on his arm in quiet support, her own eyes wide and troubled.

"It is, and it's all connected," Tsunade answered. "Though Sakura says that since it will be much easier with an army at his back than alone, Pein will most likely wait for Mist and Cloud to organize and then lead all three forces against us at once, possibly picking up a force from Stone on the way. If she's right then we have some time to prepare, though not much."

"And what about Sakura? She's caught up in the middle of this and it must be growing more dangerous for her with every day. Shouldn't we extract her soon?" Sai asked.

"We can't, you know that," Kakashi replied. "If we send a return message via that scroll and she's not secure to receive it then her cover will be blown and she'll be killed. But if I know Sakura, she'll find a way to break off when the time comes, and return here to join us in the fight."

"We need her to remain inside for as long as possible, to give us any information that can help us in what is sure to be our darkest hour," Tsunade added somberly. "I called you in to give you a head's up on the situation, but Sakura's involvement in this needs to remain a secret to anyone not in this room. Understood?"

Replies of assent went around. Then Naruto seemed to shift gears, channeling the strength that inspired friends and strangers and foes alike. He strode forward and set his palms flat on the desk, fixing the Hokage with a serious, determined look. "We need to contact Suna immediately. Gaara will definitely come to our aid."

"It's already been done," she replied, standing and crossing her arms over her chest. "You're free to go, but Team Kakashi, I need you all to be in the ANBU HQ tactical briefing room by eighteen hundred. I've called a meeting of the division commanders and strategists. We need to prepare for war."

Heavy silence filled the room with the weight of that word. Tsunade let it settle in, then spoke again, "Are there any questions that can't wait until the briefing?"

"Did Sakura say anything else in her message?" Sai asked after a moment.

Tsunade sighed worriedly. "No. Her letters have always been concise and professional, except for one, when she expressed her concern for Naruto's safety after the eight-tail jinchuuriki had been captured. But lately I get a feeling of distance from her words. Although her mission has been a success and she says no one suspects her and that she's not in any immediate physical danger, I'm worried that we might be losing her in other ways…"

"That's not going to happen," Naruto said firmly. "Sakura is family. She may be going through hell right now, but we won't let it break her." His hands tightened to determined fists as he stood to his full height, fierce resolve shining in his blue eyes. "She's giving her all to save Konoha, and we'll do the same for her."

* * *

Many miles away, in a cheap motel room in a rural town she didn't know the name of, Sakura lay curled in a ball atop her shabby single bed.

She didn't know where she was, exactly, only that it was somewhere in the no man's land between Fire and Lightning. From Fuzen she'd run straight west until she was too exhausted to run anymore, partly in fear that Deidara would change his mind and hunt her down for a fight, and partly because in her hysterical distress she'd simply been running blind. She didn't even remember how she found this motel and got herself a room. She must have paid a lot up front, or perhaps she'd scared them into leaving her alone, because no one had come to disturb her since she arrived.

That was three days ago, and the only reason she knew that was from the changes of light through the blinds that she'd never opened. She hadn't left the room once, subsisting on the meager rations in her pack. She was never hungry, but forced a few mouthfuls now and then out of necessity. Most of her time was spent doing exactly what she was doing now; lying on the bed, staring blankly at the wall or ceiling, alternating between crying, thinking, sleeping, or a combination of the three.

She could have been home by now, or at least well within Fire's borders. That was what she should have done, but she had been unable to leave this room, barely able to function at all in her despair. Three days of total silence and near-darkness in this poorly lit room had only enhanced her misery.

Was she stalling? If so, what was she waiting for? What was she hoping would happen? That Deidara might come to find her, tell her he was sorry, tell her he loved her and couldn't be without her, and then she would tell him she was sorry too and they would reconcile passionately and take on the whole world if need be, so long as they were together?

Even her idealistic younger self would have known better than that.

In the back of her mind it registered that she was crying again. Maybe she'd never really stopped. But now with a fresh surge of anguish the shattered pieces of her heart leaked from her eyes and stained the pillow. What a fool she'd been.

This was exactly what she'd feared since the moment she began to think of Deidara as more than a professional partner. Even when she'd accepted it was more, she never expected to become so entwined with him, never thought it would affect her so much to lose him. Never thought it would break her like this.

After three days of nothing to do but replay the horrible nightmare of their last encounter, once the shock wore off, she'd been able to piece a few things together.

Deidara despised her now, but it wasn't because she was a spy or because she was loyal to Konoha or disloyal to Akatsuki. None of those things should have been a shock to him, and she knew that he didn't particularly care about any of that. He hadn't even tried to stop her when he saw her sending the message. Yet he _had_ been shocked, and had completely flipped a switch and turned on her.

It was because she lied to him, and catching her red-handed had only fueled his belief that she betrayed him, invalidating any excuses she made. Worse still was that he believed she'd used him, charmed and seduced him in order to manipulate him for mission-related purposes. He believed her feelings were an act, and that every kind word she'd ever said to him had been false.

Deidara's life had been hard; he'd never belonged anywhere, never had friends, never known trust or affection or love. It was why he was the way he was. Why he was so reckless to prove himself, why he had a deep-seated, almost desperate need to be acknowledged and validated by others, by force if need be. It was why he was so obsessive about the perfection of his art form.

And then Sakura had come along, had found in him a charming kindred spirit. In time he'd come to trust her, and eventually let his guard down, showing her his genuine self, and they had become true friends. Then they had become more, and it must have been very difficult for him to admit that he loved her. And only a few days later it all came crashing down.

To someone like Deidara, there was nothing worse than what he believed she'd done. The first time in his life that he let someone in, they betrayed him. It wasn't true, but that was what he believed, and that was why he'd reacted like he had. Regardless of what he'd said, she _had_ hurt him. Badly. And the guilt of it was crushing her.

Deep down Sakura knew he probably hadn't meant most of the cruel things he'd said to her. She had wounded him deeply, and he had lashed out and tried to hurt her in return. He _had_ loved her, the things he'd done for her were proof enough of that, though now she had probably destroyed all that was left of that feeling.

If only he hadn't caught her sending that message, if only she'd been able to actually tell him the truth in a real conversation…things would have gone so differently.

Now here she was, alone and uncertain and desolate. Her mind and her heart were pulling her in two different directions, and they had been at an impasse for the better part of three days.

Part of her didn't want to give up on Deidara. She wanted to find him and force him to listen to her and see what he'd overlooked in his anger that would explain and likely diffuse the whole situation. But Deidara was just as stubborn as she was, and far more likely to act out with violence. It pained her to admit it, but right now she was afraid of him.

She wasn't sure what he would do when he returned to Rain without her. He wouldn't tell them what happened out of any sense of duty, but he may tell them something in order to save himself, because if they found out he let her go without a fight he was surely a dead man. That was part of what made her unable to move forward—she was worried about his safety if he went back alone and had to tell them she'd defected. Another thing holding her back was her duty. She still had a job to do, and if she turned tail and fled for Konoha she would be unable to gain anymore information that might help her village against the insurmountable odds they faced.

There were too many unknown factors, and every option was a dangerous gamble. What she chose to do could get her killed, get Deidara killed, or get them both killed.

Even if Deidara hated her and would never trust her again…Sakura still loved him, and was utterly devastated that things had come to this. This hurt so much worse than being left on a bench, or being cast aside for vengeance. It hurt worse than anything she'd ever experienced. She didn't know how she would ever get over it.

Deidara had made her leave so she wouldn't be exposed, giving her a last chance to save herself from the certain death awaiting her if anyone figured out the cause of the sudden strain between them, but by doing so he had likely put himself in her place. He could be in danger because of her, and she couldn't let him go down for her while she ran away.

Sakura sat up on the bed, wiping her eyes dry as her features set in determination. She had decided. She had to see her mission through to completion. She had to keep Deidara safe. And then there was Itachi's plan. Deidara hated Itachi, but she'd been confident that she could get him to help, so just because he hated her now too didn't mean it was impossible that he would join them. There was just too much at stake for her to chicken out and run back home to nurse her broken heart.

She had to go back. Deidara would still be in Fuzen for at least another day—if she hurried she could make it back before he left. She had to try and convince him to work with her. She dreaded the moment she saw him again and longed for it at the same time. She was afraid of that dangerously cold, scathing look in his eyes, and what he might say or do if she couldn't get through to him. She was afraid he would crush her heart all over again. But she had to try.

Mind made up, she grabbed her pack and left the shabby room, not bothering to check her bill or even close the door on her way out, and left the unknown town far behind as she raced into the night.

* * *

"I thought I told you to keep 'em coming."

Deidara downed the remnants of his extremely potent drink, bloodshot eyes narrowing as the bartender heard his slightly slurred but still menacing words and turned toward him.

The bartender, the only male server in the place, came up to where Deidara sat on the long bar's end stool. "Sorry, it's been a real busy night."

"Well it's not busy now, so maybe you can start doing your job properly."

The other man's jaw clenched but he said nothing as he began to refill the short glass with pungent amber liquid.

"Hurry it up, it's not fucking fine wine you're pouring."

"How about I just leave you the bottle," the bartender said in a clipped tone, then set the bottle down none too gently and turned away.

Deidara immediately brought the glass to his lips, but not before snorting derisively. "Should've done that in the first place, asshole."

"Back at you," was the muttered reply.

Deidara glared after him a moment, debating whether or not to put his fucking head through the wall. He clearly didn't know that shinobi had excellent hearing, even when inebriated. But he didn't quite feel like picking a fight just yet. That would come soon enough.

First came the drinking, because it was the only thing that muted that goddamned painfully empty feeling in his gut, like someone had ripped his chest wide open and yanked out everything inside. If he drank enough it would go away, though only for a little while. For some reason it always seemed worse when he first woke up, which was why he'd been fighting sleep for nearly two days.

It was all _her_ fault. That bitch had toyed with him, worked her charm on him and tricked him into trusting her and seeing her as a friend – and worse, developing _feelings_ for her – and then she'd used him, manipulated the mess she'd created inside him to…to what? He didn't even know all the ways she'd fucked with his mind. And he was an idiot for letting her, for _wanting_ what he thought was between them because she had made him feel good about himself. For the first time in his life he'd felt like he mattered to someone, like someone had cared about _him_. Not the weapon, not the prodigy, not the mad bomber, just the man he really was.

But he should have known better, because if his fucked up life had taught him one thing, it was that no one really gave a shit about him. Which was fine, because he'd never given a shit either.

Until her, and he was a goddamn fool for trying to change.

He could never really win, could he? Born to lose and destined to fail, that was him. He'd always known it, and of course someone like her could never really care for someone like him.

And now he was stuck with this…_problem_. This gutted, hopeless feeling inside that told him however much he wanted to hate her, however much she _deserved_ to be hated, he couldn't make himself do it. He hated that he _couldn't_ hate her.

Yesterday – or maybe this morning, he wasn't sure – in a lucid moment of near-sobriety, a few things had come floating to the front of his mind; fractured moments and bits of conversation, little details he'd overlooked or forgotten in the muddled depression he'd sunk into.

He'd remembered the night when they revealed their true thoughts about the organization they worked for, in this very place, upstairs in the room they shared. He'd surprised himself by telling her something he'd never told anyone, something that could potentially get him killed. It was the moment when he realized how completely he trusted her.

"_You can trust me, Deidara. I trust you too."_

The pretty curve of her smile and the way the amber lamplight played on her soft coral hair had put him at ease and he'd felt drawn to her, comfortable opening up to her.

"_I know, or else I wouldn't have said as much as I did, yeah."_

He'd thought at that moment that she could probably ask him anything at all and he would tell her truthfully. And then she asked him something he hadn't expected. She had seemed to hesitate, as if she wasn't quite sure she wanted to be asking.

"_If you could…I mean, if the opportunity presented itself, and you found a way to get out…would you take it?"_

A tricky question, but it hadn't taken long to come up with an honest answer.

"_I would. And I'd take you with me, yeah."_

"_Really?"_

He had grinned at the way her gorgeous green eyes widened into round saucers, but he had surprised himself by how sincerely he meant it.

"_Of course. We're friends right?"_

She had curled against him with a smile, the way she often had when he'd said something that made her happy.

"_Yeah. We are."_

The ache in his chest tightened at the irony.

When he remembered it he'd thought; had she been dropping a hint? What if she meant it? What if she really had planned to get him out? What if he'd been blinded by shock and rage and had missed critical details?

Then he'd remembered her broken crying – _weeping_ – on the floor after he'd said some really harsh things to her. It had made him feel like shit again, worse than before, like he had the moment those words left his mouth and he saw what they did to her, as if she had been truly, deeply hurt by his accusations.

And he'd remembered how she cried when he confessed the depth of his feelings to her, how she had argued and tried to deny it.

"_You shouldn't love me. You _can't_ love me."_

It was clear now, exactly what she meant by that. Admitting she felt the same had seemed almost painful for her, like she had already known what the eventual outcome would be. She'd seemed defeated.

"_I _do_. Gods help me I do."_

He had told her it served her right for getting caught in her own game. But what if she_ hadn't_ been playing the game, but had still been caught? What if she never intended for any of this to happen? What if she really—

But it was all part of her act, right? She was merely a spectacular actress.

Then he'd gotten angry again, because here that bitch was, _still_ running him around in circles when she was long gone and all he wanted to do was forget about her. She had really done a number on him. She was the best spy in the history of espionage to have pulled the wool over his eyes so completely.

That was when the festering ache had returned with a vengeance, and he'd been down here at the bar trying to make it go away ever since.

Deidara took a long drink and grimaced at the burn, then irritably rubbed at his tired, red-rimmed eyes. The lounge area of this shithole of depravity was filled with so much smoke from various inhalants that his eyes were constantly burning. It was why he'd never spent much time in here before. But this was where the bar was so he just had to deal with it, though for some reason it seemed particularly bad the last couple days, even when it wasn't busy.

If he could only hate her, this feeling might go away. If he could hate her he would have snapped her neck the night he caught her red-handed. He could have gone after her and made short work of her with his art, or he could have dragged her back to Rain and let Pein deal with her. But no, he just _had_ to let her go, because of ridiculous feelings that only existed because of her manipulations.

He probably never knew the real woman at all. That amazing girl who'd affected him so deeply like no other could…she had only been an illusion, a mask worn by a cunning and clever kunoichi who pretended to be exactly what he wanted and needed in order to effectively bring him to his knees and render him useless against her.

And now, because of that, he was more than likely fucked. He'd been stalling around this place for the last day and a half because he _knew_ he was fucked, and he hadn't figured a way out of it yet. He would have to go back to Rain eventually, and when he did Pein was going to want to know why she wasn't with him. If he told Pein she was a spy he was going to think Deidara was in on it with her, since they were so close. That was the bitter fucking irony of it. If he told Pein she'd simply had enough and defected that might save his ass, but then he'd want to know why he hadn't tracked her down and killed her, putting his own loyalty into question, and then he was _still_ fucked. If he didn't go back at all they would hunt him down like a dog, and unlike _her_, he didn't have a village to protect him. He would probably stall a couple more days before heading back, and then say she took off in the middle of the night and he took so long getting back because he was tracking her down. Pein would find out eventually that she wasn't dead, so Deidara would say he hadn't been able to find her before she made it back to Konoha. But Pein was a perceptive man and he would probably ask around Fuzen for details, and in the end it was still a high probability that his days were numbered.

But if he was going down, he was going to go out with a bang. Deidara had a plan. It came to him just before the last traces of sobriety had left him some hours ago.

He was going back to his old ways, when he didn't give a damn about anyone or anything but his art. No more of that trying to be a better man bullshit, and definitely no more of this wallowing in misery. He was going to drink and fuck and fight until he forgot a woman named Haruno Sakura ever existed. So far he'd only managed the drinking part, but the night was young and he had a feeling that was about to change.

One of the house girls had sidled up to him and taken the seat on his right, and was now watching him with dull, overly painted eyes.

"Rough day, honey?"

The false concern in her voice made him roll his eyes and knock back another swill of burning liquid. He didn't answer.

She wasn't put off. "From the way you've been glued to that barstool for the past couple days I'd say you've had a rough _week_," she laughed, the tone of it sugary and shrill.

He continued to ignore her, but he knew it wouldn't make her go away. She pulled out a cigarette from some unknown crease in her scant clothing and lit it with a match, making sure to pout her painted lips suggestively as she sucked on the end, then sat there patiently puffing away. This whore knew what she was doing. She was a predator stalking prey, and was simply waiting for a weakness to present itself. He wasn't about to fall victim to her poor attempt at charm, however. Not when he'd already learned a hard lesson from a master seductress with far more skill and appeal than the likes of her.

She thought she was baiting him, but she was wrong. It was the other way around.

Most women, especially women like this one, loved that cold and dangerous aspect, the shady job, the shrouded past, all of it. They loved that he was a bad man. They ate it up. He didn't even have to try. It had been a long time since he'd done it, but it was only too easy.

"You look like you could use some cheering up, honey. Want some company for a while?"

The intent of her words was crystal clear, and he turned his head to finally take in her appearance. She could have been pretty, he supposed, under all that crap. Waist length black hair. Tanned skin. Round babydoll face with heavy makeup. Dark, disillusioned eyes. Long, red painted fingernails. Voluptuous figure with ridiculously large breasts hanging halfway out of her short robe. She was the exact opposite of _her _in every possible way.

She was exactly what he was looking for.

Deidara gave her a long once-over, and without a word he knocked back the remains of his glass, then stood and walked toward the stairs. The woman took a long swig straight from the abandoned bottle, stubbed out her cigarette in an ashtray, and followed him.

By the time he reached the stairs her hands were already on him, though he made no move for or against it. She stroked his arms and neck and shoulders as they walked to his room. Her hands were grabby and her touch was not particularly enjoyable, but he wasn't trying to feel good.

He was proving a point.

This was all part of the plan. He was going to fuck this woman and then he would leave this shithole of a city, maybe have a couple shots for the road, and then he was going to leave a path of chaos and artistic destruction all the way back to Rain.

When they got into the room she wasted no time, assertively going for the clasps of his cloak. She popped them all and began to run her hands over his chest and stomach, slipping under his shirt, her long nails grazing his skin unpleasantly. She had been drinking and was probably high as a kite, and it made her clumsy and rough. Her bulging breasts mashed against his chest as she leaned against him and wrapped her arms around his neck to wind her fingers into his hair, tugging too hard to be pleasant. She was tall in her stiletto heels, almost as tall as he was, and she lifted her face only a small distance to try and kiss him.

He jerked his head back with a dark warning look. She got the hint that kissing was not allowed and began to nibble his earlobe instead. Her heavy perfume was making his head ache and the smell of smoke was on her skin, in her hair, mixed with the whiskey and opium on her breath. He shut it out and let her do what she intended. But as her hands found their way under his shirt again and she began kissing down his neck to lower regions, he found himself staring at the large bed. The bed he'd shared with _her_ for so many nights, in the beginning struggling to keep his hands off of her, and later doing everything but. The bed where they had first crossed the line from friends to lovers, where he could honestly say he had "made love" to someone for the first time.

The first thing he would hear upon waking was the soft sound of her breathing. She would smile at him sleepily as she woke, her hair a chaotic mess that still didn't diminish her radiant, natural beauty. She would snuggle against him, her skin smooth against his. She would whisper softly to him as they fell asleep together at night and he would wrap his arms around her petite frame, enjoying how perfectly she fit against him, as if she was made only for him, loving how good it felt to simply hold her. He had grown accustomed to it, and now he couldn't stand sleeping – and worse, _waking_ – without her. Especially in _this_ bed, where they had discovered each other and shared so much.

And now he was planning to taint those memories and feelings, to cheapen and demean them by mindlessly fucking this shameless woman in the very same bed, the same blue satin sheets.

The woman – he didn't know her name and he never would because he didn't care and he would forget her face the moment she was out of his sight – began to kiss and caress her way down his chest and stomach as she slowly dropped to her knees before him. She ran her painted fingertips under the waistline of his pants as she gazed up at him with hooded eyes. She meant to tease and be sultry, but it did nothing for him, and his dispassionate expression shifted to something darker and slightly repulsed as he watched her unbuckle his belt.

His sharp eyes saw through what the heavy makeup and fancy jewelry tried to hide; the dry, dull skin, the lines around her mouth and eyes that weren't from laughter, the lanky, brittle texture of her hair, the yellowed tint to her eyes and the shadows underneath from heavy drug use. She looked ten years older than she probably was. She was revolting, but that didn't matter. She would do.

But as he heard the button of his pants pop open he was suddenly hit by a sense of warning, as though if he continued down this path it would lead to something dark and ugly and irreversible, that if he went through with this it would be too late. Too late for what, he didn't know. It wasn't like any part of this nightmare was going to fix itself. But it was clear in that moment that he couldn't stand the feel of her hands on him, couldn't stand her false affections, couldn't stand that she wasn't the person he was trying to convince himself he didn't need.

He really was a twisted fuck, and a masochist to boot.

The woman tugged his zipper down and began to slip her fingers inside, but he caught her wrist in a crushing grip and jerked her hand away.

"Get out," he growled, his lip curled in self-loathing.

She stared up at him in mild confusion, but she didn't give up, reaching for his fly again with her other hand. "Come on now, baby, I'll make you feel real good..."

Deidara jerked her wrist harder, sending her sprawling across the floor. "_Get the fuck out!_"

Her eyes widened in fear, but she scowled as she collected herself and hurriedly got to her feet, holding her pained wrist with her other hand. "What the hell is your_ problem_, huh?" She turned on her heel and stomped out of the room, turning her head over her shoulder to yell at him from the hallway, "Crazy asshole!"

Rage and pain boiled up inside him and he grabbed the nearest object – the table lamp – and hurled it across the room as hard as he could. Sparks flew as the cord was yanked from the socket and the bulb shattered as the lamp hit the wall and broke into pieces. The room was enveloped in darkness, save for the dim light from the hallway through the open door.

With a muted groan Deidara sat heavily at the foot of the bed and put his head in his hands. The silence that settled around him was deafening.

What was his problem? He was _ruined_, that's what. She had ruined him. One woman had come into his life and somehow filled all the little cracks inside of him, making him feel whole for the first time in his fucked-up life. Now she was gone, and all that remained was an emptiness ten times worse than it had ever been. Even his art wouldn't be enough anymore.

If only he could hate her. But he couldn't hate her because he loved her. He really fucking did, and he had no idea what he was going to do without her now. It was a good thing, then, that he probably didn't have much longer to live anyway.

His eyes were burning again, and he roughly ground the heels of his palms against them, clenching his teeth in wretched frustration. His throat tightened and his chest ached with renewed intensity. Deidara felt the moisture against his skin, and this time he couldn't convince himself that it was just the smoke.


	17. Dissimulation

**Vertigo**

Chapter Seventeen: Dissimulation

* * *

Dawn was approaching, the landscape shifting from the indigo of night to a lighter, hazy gray. Quick and silent as a wraith, Sakura ran from the cover of a small copse of trees and into an open field.

The air was unusually crisp for midsummer, and she was grateful for the light layer of fog covering the ground and masking her passage. From here the terrain was flat and open until it reached the sea cliffs leading down to the city, and she didn't want to be seen. These open, ungoverned territories could be just as hazardous as shinobi-controlled lands, if not more so, for though she didn't have to worry about ANBU, there was the problem of others like herself who were far more dangerous to encounter than the masked elite. Normally she wouldn't worry about it, confident she could handle whatever came at her, but right now she couldn't afford to be waylaid for any reason. She had to reach Fuzen as soon as possible.

She'd run all night without stopping and now she was less than fifty miles away. If she kept this speed she would be there before noon. Exhaustion was beginning to set in, but she had no intention of slowing or stopping. Sakura ran on, willing her plan to work, hoping with everything she had that she would catch him in time.

Her guard rose suddenly as she detected a faint prickle of chakra, growing stronger every second, meaning it was moving fast – faster than any normal shinobi could run. And it was coming right at her.

Her eyes widened in surprise as she recognized it, and her heart dropped into her stomach.

It was Deidara.

She slowed to a fast jog and began scanning the sky, hardly believing her luck. She let her chakra leak a little so he would know she was there, knowing he would at least fly over to confirm it was her and then she could get his attention. But why would she run into him here of all places, when he should be flying northwest to skirt as much of Fire country as possible.

Luck had nothing to do with it. He was looking for her.

The realization filled her with alarm as well as the faintest shred of hope. She didn't dare to think he'd come after her to apologize or take her back or any other foolishly romantic notion. If he was after a fight she hoped she could stall him long enough to get through to him.

And then she heard it; the sound of giant wings flapping, and she slowed to a stop as her eyes located the white underbelly of his flying construct as it descended directly in front of her.

Sakura automatically tensed as he jumped from the back of the bird a few feet before it touched ground and boldly walked toward her. She didn't dare move a muscle. She didn't dare breathe. Her heart clenched painfully in her chest as he neared and she was able to make out his features. He looked terrible, haggard, eyes shadowed and bloodshot like he hadn't slept in days, like he'd been wrung dry and dragged through hell. And she was the one who did it to him. She knew she couldn't look much better, and certainly didn't feel any less broken.

The silence stretched to eternity as they stared at each other, both slightly confused about finding the other in this particular place. The tension filling the space between them was so thick it was suffocating, made all the more noticeable by the utter stillness of the gray pre-dawn around them.

The urge to run and throw herself upon him battled against the wariness that he may not be here for peaceful reasons. It was a strange contrast, and it was painful.

"What are you doing?" he finally asked, his voice raspy and thick.

Sakura knew what he meant; why was she running in the opposite direction of Konoha…why was she still wearing her Akatsuki cloak. She could ask him the same question, what was _he_ doing out here, but was almost afraid to know the answer.

"I was going back…to find you," she answered, surprised by the hoarseness of her own voice after not using it for three days.

He seemed surprised by that, and frowned suspiciously. "Why?"

Her expression became pleading. "Because…I need to explain things to you. Better than I did. Just give me five minutes…please."

He regarded her silently for a long, nerve-wracking moment, his tired eyes clouded and unreadable. He shifted his weight a little, and Sakura instinctively shifted a fraction opposite. An evasive combat maneuver.

Deidara looked at her strangely, then realization flickered across his features and he gave a small, exasperated sigh. "Relax. If I was going to attack you I would have done it before."

"You _did_," she reminded him quietly, relaxing only somewhat.

A quiet discomfort settled around his shoulders and he looked off into the distant trees. It took a moment for him to reply, "Well…I would have finished the job, then." He crossed his arms over his chest and met her eyes again. "So you probably already figured out I came this way to look for you."

She squashed any hopes before they rose and nodded. "Why?"

"Because I want more information. You said something about a plan."

It had nothing to do with her personally. She hadn't dared wish as much, but she still felt disappointed and hurt that he was so cold and impersonal. However, she was optimistic for the other half of her hopes, at least, and she nodded readily. "Yes."

"I'm listening."

Sakura had thought over this conversation many times as she ran through the night, and now she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders resolutely. "My primary mission was to infiltrate Akatsuki and relay information about the organization's plans and movements, bases of operation, military power, and the progress with the jinchuuriki hunt. I was also supposed to provide information about the members, including names, origins, special abilities, and anything else that might be useful."

She watched his expression darken, and held up a placating hand. "But I've been very selective with that last part. Especially concerning you. I haven't told them anything about you that they didn't already know. I meant it when I said we were friends, and I didn't feel right about selling you out like that. I have_ never_ betrayed our relationship or the trust you placed in me. I know you will realize that eventually."

He didn't reply, only shifted a little and tightened his crossed arms as he stared at the ground at his feet. His jaw was clenched as if he wanted to say something but wouldn't, or maybe didn't know what to say.

"But I didn't come back to convince you to forgive me for deceiving you," she continued with quiet firmness, drawing confidence from his lack of aggression. "I came back because I still have a job to do and I can't just run away if there's any chance it can work. I've let my personal feelings get in the way so much already…but I can't afford to this time. I came back because I need your help, and because honestly_ you_ don't support Akatsuki's goal or hold loyalty to them any more than I do. You just don't work for anyone else on the side."

He gave her a long, hard stare. "Need my help _how_?"

"The original plan has changed somewhat," she replied. "Itachi knows about me. He's known the entire time, in fact. When I first joined Akatsuki he was the one person I didn't want anything to do with, because we had met before and he knew how close I was to my teammates. He has always been my biggest worry for exposure and I've avoided him as much as possible. Then I was ordered to work on his eyes and forced to be around him and talk to him. He said strange things that made me confused and suspicious of how much he really knew. Then the day before we left for Lightning, he came to me and told me he knew about me and has been my secret ally the entire time."

Deidara's eyes narrowed intently. "Wait..._Itachi_ is a spy too?"

She shook her head. "No. Not a spy, not for Konoha at least. He really is an exile from Leaf, though the circumstances are much different than what's widely believed. I had no idea of his true motives because, hell, _nobody_ knew." She gave a small, incredulous huff. "He told me the reason he joined Akatsuki was to remain close to and keep an eye on a certain man…the true leader of the organization."

Deidara blinked in surprise. "_What_? What do you mean _true_ leader?"

"That was my reaction too. Akatsuki has a shadow ruler, and Pein is just a mouthpiece. The true leader founded the organization years ago to mask his movements and conceal his identity. But that's not even the biggest shock…the craziest thing about this is _who_ that man is. The real head of Akatsuki is Uchiha Madara."

His brow pulled down in a skeptical frown. "_Uchiha_? I thought all the other Uchiha were dead."

"So does everyone else," she said wryly. "But apparently not."

He cocked his head curiously. "You say this guy's name like he's someone really important and I should be shocked just to hear it. But I've never heard of him."

"That's probably because he's supposed to be dead. Uchiha Madara founded the Uchiha clan over eighty years ago, when Konoha was first established. He contended for the title of Hokage and when he didn't get it he turned against his clan and village. He brought the kyuubi against Konoha and was defeated by the First Hokage at what is now known as the Valley of the End. Do you know of that place?"

He gave a small shrug. "I've flown over it a few times. Big waterfall with two warriors carved on either side, yeah?"

Sakura nodded. "The warrior on the left side – that's him. That valley was _created_ by their epic battle, and ever since then he's been believed dead."

"How is he _not_? Wouldn't he be ancient by now?"

A small wave of optimism washed over her as she realized he was no longer dead set against believing her, and was now very interested in what she had to say. "Like I said, by all rights he _should_ be dead. Itachi says he uses the same soul transfer technique that Orochimaru used to keep himself alive. He said Madara had planned to take _his_ body until his eyesight went bad. He's been able to remain close to him all these years by pretending to be his willing disciple."

"So why have a puppet leader? If he's using someone else's body no one will recognize him as who he really is, so why doesn't he just lead Akatsuki himself?"

Sakura shook her head slowly. "That, I don't know. Maybe he has other motives that even Itachi isn't aware of."

"So what is his goal regarding Akatsuki, then?"

"It's definitely not what we've been thinking this whole time. Even Pein has been fooled. That ultimate jutsu that's supposed to be created by combining the power of the bijuu…it doesn't even exist. The reason for collecting all of the demons is so that Madara can use his Sharingan to control them and set them on whatever target he wishes. He doesn't plan to _threaten_ the hidden villages with destruction, forcing them to bow down. He plans to obliterate them all, completely. No exceptions."

Deidara frowned and exhaled long and slow, and it was quiet a few minutes as he processed all the new information. As morning approached the birds began to chirp, sounding unusually loud in the hazy countryside around them. Finally he said, "So then you and Uchiha have some plan to stop this?"

Sakura nodded. "Akatsuki is a farce. Pein's vision of enforced world peace is only an illusion. Everyone has been lied to and everyone has been used. Itachi plans to make sure everyone finds out about it, and let Akatsuki tear itself apart from the inside. I don't know all the details yet, or how he plans to do it. We were going to work it all out when I got back. I said I would tell you while we were on this mission, and he was going to bring Kisame in."

"And you think four of us can really pull something like that off," he said dryly.

She shook her head uncertainly. "I don't know. But it's better than nothing because we're running out of time."

Deidara stared off into the trees with a skeptical frown. Sakura could see he was reluctant to go along with her, though whether that was because he didn't like the plan or because he didn't want to be involved with her anymore, she didn't know. It could be both.

She decided to try a different angle. "If you won't work with me I can't go back. And if you go back alone…you'll most likely be killed," she pointed out quietly.

He looked at her sharply, almost glaring. "I have a contingency plan, yeah."

Sakura sighed. He was so goddamn stubborn! "Well whatever it is, it can't be better than this. If Madara isn't stopped _thousands _of people will die. I know you don't want to be part of something like that, but that's exactly what you've been unknowingly doing since the day you joined Akatsuki. Can you really just let it go?"

His eyes narrowed slightly. "You're trying to manipulate me."

She sighed again tiredly. "In this case I guess you could say that. Or you could say I'm only pointing out the truth that you already know anyway."

He knew she was right, she could see it in his expression, and it gave her courage to press on.

"Please, Deidara…I need your help. If we don't act soon my village and everything I care about will be doomed." Her expression softened sadly, but her tone remained resolute, "I know you don't care about that…and I know you hate me now…but this is about a lot more than you and me." His expression clouded over and he looked away from her. Her brow creased anxiously, and she took a deep, steadying breath. "Can we call a truce, at least until this is all over? Will you work with me?" she asked softly.

Time seemed to freeze around them as he gazed toward the rising sun with a frown, and she watched him with bated breath. Perhaps it was the lightened sky, or perhaps he had simply let his guard down for a moment, but Sakura could see for just a moment how exhausted and broken down he really was; wan, pinched features and shadowed eyes, a slight slump to his shoulders. Even so, he was still beautiful to her, perhaps more so in this moment than he had ever been, and her heart ached with longing and a fresh wave of guilt.

After what seemed like forever he turned toward her again and gave a long, bone-weary sigh as he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. "Fine," he agreed with quiet resignation.

Sakura fought down her emotions and managed a small, grateful smile. "Thank you."

Deidara didn't reply to that, just turned around and walked back to the waiting transport. "Well then let's go. If we take too much longer it's going to raise questions, yeah," he called behind, and then leapt up onto the back of the clay bird.

Sakura exhaled a shaky sigh and moved forward, but slowed cautiously as she saw him reach into one of his clay pouches.

He noticed her hesitate and frowned down at her. "Damn it, didn't I say relax? I just agreed to work with you, why the hell would I be thinking about fighting you?"

His tone wasn't as irritable as he probably wanted it to sound. He seemed almost troubled by her reaction. Still, she wouldn't make a fool of herself or make the situation worse by jumping to conclusions. She gave him a faint, contrite twist of her lips, but said nothing.

He pulled his hand from the clay pouch and held out what he'd been retrieving. "Here. You left it."

Her shoulders sagged in relief as she saw he was holding her message scroll. She knew she had forgotten it in her frantic flight, and she would have beaten herself up over it if she'd had any room left for more self-loathing. "Thank you," she sighed, reaching out to take it from him.

"It's a pretty ingenious method, yeah. You'll have to show me how it works next time."

His tone wasn't exactly amicable, but it was better than a cold shoulder and it was a start. She nodded her agreement and managed another barely-there smile. She slipped her pack from one shoulder, bringing it around to open the front pouch and slip the scroll inside. She could feel him watching her, and she looked up at him as she readjusted her pack on her shoulders. From his mounted position above her he was able to see over the high collar of her cloak, and with a small pang it dawned on her that he was staring at the dark bruises on her neck – which he had put there when he tried to strangle her.

For one brief moment she saw what looked like remorse in his eyes. But then he noticed her watching him and looked away, his expression shifting back to blank.

"Why haven't you healed those," he asked flatly, staring straight ahead.

She hadn't really forgotten them; she could still feel the dull pain when she turned her head and a slight soreness in her throat when she swallowed, but it hadn't been very noticeable compared to the constant suffocating ache in her chest. Also, she hadn't looked in a mirror in over three days. "I've just had…other things on my mind," she answered quietly as she moved toward the tail of the bird, preparing to mount.

"Well…you can't go back like that," he muttered, still facing forward.

"I know," she said wearily. "I'll take care of it on the way."

After that they didn't speak again. Sakura leapt up onto the back of the clay transport and they lifted off, turning northwest to skirt the Fire country on their way back to Rain.

#

Just because they had called a truce didn't mean they were on good terms, a fact that became more obvious with every passing hour on their two day journey back to headquarters.

The first real indicator of how different things were now, and how hard this was going to be, was during the flight. Sakura sat at the tail end of the flying construct, a good distance away from Deidara, clinging to the bird's back with chakra instead of holding onto Deidara's waist like she was so used to doing. There seemed to be an invisible, impenetrable wall between them. Things had been said that couldn't be unsaid, and things had been done that couldn't be undone. The trust was broken, and so they were cold and guarded toward each other.

Harder still was when they stopped for the night at a small roadside inn, and paid for separate rooms, for the first time ever. The blunt reality of it made her want to curl up into a ball and cry, but part of her was glad for it, because if she had to sleep in the same room with him but in a separate bed, if she had to be that close to him but so, _so_ far…she didn't think she would be able to handle it.

And this way, he wouldn't know that she cried herself to sleep every night.

The second day was just as bad. They were all but silent, speaking to each other only when necessary and saying only enough to get the point across. The tension between them remained like a physical hand pressing down on her shoulders. It was torture. She wondered more than once if Deidara felt it as harshly she did. It seemed like it, for he only grew more sullen and distant as they traveled, and he was particularly surly when she knocked on his door in the morning, just before they left the inn.

There was a small part of her that had always been a little spiteful and vindictive. That part of her was how she understood why Deidara lashed out at her so cruelly that night. And that part of her wanted him to be hurting as much as she was. She mostly felt guilty and sad, but she was also angry.

If he had only _listened_ to her instead of jumping to conclusions and getting carried away by his emotions, lashing out at her with ridiculous accusations that he damn well _knew_ weren't true, then they probably wouldn't be in this nightmare situation at all. Now she was suffering from that horrible miscommunication, and she hoped he was suffering too.

For the most part she felt terrible for wishing him more pain than she'd already caused. But in a way it gave her hope, because if Deidara was able to cast her aside without any residual depression or regret, if he really wasn't suffering the loss of what they had, it would mean he had really never loved her. His obvious misery was proof that he'd lied, and so as small as it was, there was comfort in the fact that he was also struggling.

And deep down, it gave her the smallest shred of hope that maybe, _maybe_, someday she could earn her way back into his heart.

* * *

They reached Ame by late afternoon the second day. As they landed on the roof and dismounted they saw that Pein was there as well, perched atop his "thinking spot." He leapt up to the rooftop to meet them and Sakura was glad. At least this way they wouldn't have to track him down to report.

"How was the meeting with the Raikage?" he asked as they stopped before him. Sakura noticed that he seemed agitated about something, and if Pein actually_ showed_ something like that, then he must be _very_ agitated indeed.

"_Unexpected_," Deidara replied shortly, not seeming to notice Pein's mood, or more likely, not caring. "Why didn't you tell us about the deal with Mist before we left? You had to know what the Raikage would want and you sent us there with no idea of what was going on."

Pein turned a strange, not entirely pleasant stare on the younger man. "You handled it just fine, didn't you? I sent the two of you because you were going to Fuzen anyway and everyone else had missions much further away. It was only a matter of convenience."

"You still should have told us, yeah."

"Are you pouting?" he asked flatly.

Sakura was mildly taken aback at the interchange. She'd never seen Deidara backtalk Pein to this degree. Then she realized that since Deidara knew about Pein being a mouthpiece for Madara, merely a puppet ruler, whatever amount of respect he'd had for their 'leader' was probably gone. Fortunately Pein wasn't uptight about insubordination or else Deidara's attitude might get him into trouble they couldn't afford.

Deidara's eyes were narrowed angrily, like he was about to say something extremely unpleasant, so just to be on the safe side Sakura decided to intervene.

"We _did_ handle it, but it would have gone a lot smoother if we'd known what was going on," she said with only a hint of irritation.

"What did the Raikage say, exactly?"

She kept her expression neutral. "He told us he wants to make the same deal you have with Mist, whatever _that_ might be, and that Cloud will join in the attack against Konoha. But, since we had no idea he was going to propose something like that we didn't feel like we could give him a definite answer. We told him we would inform you, and if the proposal was acceptable you would contact him yourself to make further plans."

Pein nodded acceptingly. "Very well. And what of Yakushiji Saito in Fuzen?"

Deidara reached into his cloak and pulled a large folded envelope from the inner pocket, then handed it to Pein. "Fifty percent of six months' profit, just as agreed. It's all there; I counted it myself, which was a real pain in the ass, yeah."

Pein glanced at Sakura briefly, and for a moment she thought he was going to ask why she hadn't helped count it, but he didn't, to her relief.

"Is that it, then?"

Pein focused on Deidara with a raised eyebrow. "Do you have something better to do?"

He shrugged. "I'm tired. We've been travelling all day, yeah."

Pein simply looked back and forth between them for a moment, studying them both carefully. "There _is_ more, actually. I know you just got back, but I have another mission for the two of you."

Sakura groaned inwardly. She did not want another mission with Deidara so soon. She needed a few days at least, to distance herself from him, otherwise she was liable to break down completely. He probably didn't want to be around her anymore for a while either.

Deidara sighed irritably. "What now?"

"I want you to go to the military base to the west and see that they are fully ready for deployment. We will make our move against Konoha within a few weeks' time."

"Dealing with the mercenaries is Hidan's job," Sakura argued, adamantly against being a part of any tactical preparations for war on her home village.

"Normally, yes. But this time I'm sending you because Hidan has gone missing."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "What do you mean Hidan is _missing_?"

Pein sighed, another uncharacteristic sign of irritation. "He left for a mission the day before you left for Cloud. A week passed and he didn't return, and he didn't answer my contacts. Zetsu tracked him down and found his ring in the middle of an open field almost a hundred miles from here, in the opposite direction he should have gone. There was no sign of Hidan or of any kind of battle. It's as if he dropped his ring and vanished. He is either dead, or he has defected. Either way, he is no longer a member of Akatsuki."

"Hn. Well good fucking riddance, yeah."

Sakura agreed wholeheartedly, though she didn't invite the same glare Deidara was receiving by saying it out loud.

"This mission can't be put off, so I'm sending you. You leave in the morning," Pein said sternly.

"Alright," Sakura said reluctantly. "Is Itachi here?"

Pein's expression darkened considerably and he fixed those cold ringed eyes on her. It was clear by his reaction that Itachi was the source of his unusually agitated state, though she couldn't imagine why. Had Itachi made some move while they were gone and been caught? His intense gaze made her self-conscious about her association with the Uchiha, so she hastily made up an excuse.

"I had an arrangement with him to work on his eyes again when I got back," she explained as casually as she could.

"Itachi is dead."

He couldn't have stunned her more if he'd struck her. "_What_! When…_how_?"

Pein's dark expression didn't change. "Itachi had a habit of wandering around by himself when not on missions. He used to keep tabs on his brother that way, though since his brother has been dead almost two years I have no idea why he would feel the need to go into Konoha territory, but he did. When he didn't return in time for his mission Zetsu went looking for him. All he found was a scrap of an Akatsuki cloak stained with Itachi's blood at the scene of battle. There were large claw marks and residual traces of demon chakra, as well as dried ink splatters in the trees and grass, and chakra scorching from a Raikiri. It seems Itachi was killed by your former teammates."

Sakura stared at him in disbelief. "How do you know he's dead? Maybe he was captured. Maybe he escaped them and is out there somewhere too injured to make it back."

"You know better than I do that an injured enemy would not escape from the Copy Ninja or the kyuubi jinchuuriki, and Itachi would die before he let himself be captured. Also, you said yourself that in his condition Itachi would not survive an encounter with an enemy of the same caliber as himself."

Sakura risked a glance at Deidara, and saw he was just as astonished by the news as she was, though he was covering it better. The fact that the mighty Uchiha Itachi had been taken down when he'd always seemed invincible was hard enough to believe, but for Itachi to have been killed by her own teammates…! She couldn't believe this was actually happening. It had to be some sort of cosmic joke. What would happen to their plan? He hadn't finished explaining the details to her yet, so she couldn't even take his place as the spearhead. What the hell were they supposed to do now!

"I can't believe it," she murmured, shaking her head slowly.

"It has been confirmed; his Akatsuki ring is indeed within Konoha's walls, but Itachi is not wearing it. They took his body back with them, probably because of the Sharingan. This is a very grievous setback. Itachi was one of our best, even with his eyesight failing," Pein replied almost wearily.

"So where is Kisame?" Deidara asked. He was probably thinking what she was; that they should still tell Kisame of the plan and try to figure something out. Maybe Itachi had told him already, before he foolishly wandered into Konoha territory and got himself killed.

"Kisame is carrying out their mission alone. He should be back in the next few days."

They fell quiet as it all sank in. Sakura was beyond bewildered and about ready to scream in frustration. Why was it that every time she thought things were under control and coming together nicely, it all blew up in her face! First the situation with Deidara, which was hard enough to deal with, and now this. The only reason Deidara had agreed to continue working with her was falling apart right before her eyes.

"As you know," Pein continued, "This leaves a serious problem concerning the final extraction. With two more members gone it will be impossible to carry out. We must find replacements very soon, before the kyuubi jinchuuriki is captured. Akatsuki is now officially recruiting. If either of you know of anyone who would make a suitable member, or if you encounter anyone in your travels, you will let me know."

Sakura would do no such thing, but of course she wasn't going to tell him that. "Of course," she replied mildly.

"That's everything for now. Go and rest up before your mission."

Sakura immediately turned on her heel and headed for the stairwell leading inside. She needed to get away before she exploded from anxiety and gave herself away.

#

Deidara followed her with his eyes as she walked away, trying to mask the troubled frown on his face, knowing he was mostly failing.

He crushed the urge to follow after her, even though he knew they needed to talk about what the hell they were going to do with Itachi dead. It was just so hard to _talk_ to her now, so ridiculously exhausting and difficult to be in the same room with her, let alone act normal. That burning ache inside him still hadn't gone away, and it only grew stronger every time he looked at her, every time he saw the same misery reflecting back at him from her tired, sad eyes. She had to be under an insane amount of stress right now, but he knew that wasn't the cause.

He knew now that he had made a mistake. He realized how badly he'd overreacted, how _stupid_ he was for letting his emotions get carried away and not _thinking_ about what she was saying. Yes, she had lied to him and kept secrets from him, and whether or not she had given Konoha information about him or whether she really had planned to help him remained to be seen. He still had a legitimate reason to be angry with her and she would have to prove that he could trust her again by actions, not words.

But he could see now that whatever else she may have done, her involvement with him hadn't been planned, and her feelings hadn't been faked. No one was _that_ good at acting, and she had no reason now to keep it up in any case. Yet she always looked like she was about to burst into tears at any second. She looked just as wrecked as he felt. Her heart was clearly broken, and it burned him up inside every time he thought about the cruel things he'd said to intentionally hurt her that night. He couldn't even describe how it felt inside whenever he remembered the bruises on her neck.

He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to set things right and tell her he didn't hate her, and at least make it easier for them to continue being partners. But every time the opportunity arose he just couldn't manage to say the words out loud.

"Deidara."

Pein's cold voice broke him out of his thoughts and his eyes snapped to the taller man, not bothering to hide his annoyance.

The so-called 'leader's' eyes narrowed slightly. "I don't care what happened between the two of you, but it had better not affect your missions from here out."

Deidara scoffed under his breath. Who was _he_ to say such a hypocritical thing to him, like he wouldn't be razing entire cities to the ground if he were in Deidara's shoes? Why should he continue to listen to anything this insane bastard of a puppet leader said anyway? Was this the kind of internal struggle Sakura had to put up with this entire time? If so, the girl had some _serious_ self-discipline. And that was it, wasn't it? If there was any chance of salvaging The Plan, he needed to fake it and act like nothing had changed.

He sighed irritably and began walking toward the stairwell. "I know," he said curtly over his shoulder, "it won't."

#

Sakura spent the rest of the evening in the library, poring over books on forbidden jutsu and shinobi history, trying to learn anything at all about how they might defeat someone like Uchiha Madara. Though, if she was being honest with herself, she was hiding. From Deidara and the others, and from the million different worries and fears that plagued her mind.

But she couldn't put off the inevitable forever. Deidara had conveniently disappeared for a while, which she took as a silent clue for her to do what she had been dreading most. She left the library and went to his room – _his_, not _theirs_ anymore – and gathered her few belongings. She did it as quickly as possible, hastily carrying her clothes and books to her room next door in one trip.

For the past two days she had worn a strong face, had done her best to bear it, but inside it felt like she was dying. And now she barely managed to hold herself together, knowing that this simple act was the final nail in the coffin of their relationship.

Her own room, identical in design to his only so much _emptier_, hadn't been occupied in months. Dust covered the polished wooden surfaces, and if she had cared to look she may have even found a cobweb or two. But she didn't look around, didn't bother to open the curtains or turn on a light. All she could focus on was the big, imposing, glaringly empty bed and the knowledge that she would have to sleep in it alone for the remainder of her time here.

She locked the door behind her and then carelessly dropped her armful of belongings on the floor in the center of the room. As she gazed vacantly at them something specific caught her eye, and she knelt down to retrieve it. Cool and soft against her fingers, the beautiful burgundy silk of the dress Deidara bought her on her birthday was pulled from the pile until she held it draped across her hands.

This dress represented so many things; the lowering of walls, lines being crossed eagerly and without regret, a prelude to passionate kisses and explorative touches in the dark. Now all that was left was a bundle of expensive silk and memories too painful to dredge up. Numbly, she made her way to the bed and lay down, curling on her side. She crushed the soft fabric to her chest and let the tears come. She didn't care if she ruined it with wrinkles or tearstains. She would never wear it again anyway.

How would she ever get through this? How would she manage to sleep here every night in this cold empty bed, knowing the warmth and comfort she needed was in the very next room. Why did it have to be so incredibly hard?

Missing someone when they were gone was nothing compared to what it felt like to miss someone who was right there in front of you. Sometimes the urge to reach out to him, to simply _touch_ him, was overwhelming. But she couldn't reach for him anymore, couldn't connect to him like she had always been able to.

Sakura cried herself to sleep again that night, and knew that she would probably continue to do so for a long, long time.

* * *

The night was long and her sleep was fitful, and when morning came Sakura felt no better rested than before. In a melancholy haze she showered, dressed, and made her way to the kitchen where she made some extra strong coffee and tried to force down a slice of toast as she waited for her partner.

She was grateful Konan wasn't there like she usually was in the mornings, all calm and poised with her customary cup of tea, never stressed, never upset, never falling apart at the seams. Sakura never seemed to be anything _but_, and she couldn't bear to be around the older kunoichi right now lest she ask her what happened with Deidara.

When Deidara appeared half an hour later that small vindictive and simultaneously hopeful part of her noted that he seemed no better off than she was. In fact he looked worse. He didn't eat anything, but quickly sucked down a cup of coffee at the far end of the counter with his back to her.

The silent tension between them grew to near excruciating levels again, and she couldn't help a small sigh of relief when he was finished and quietly grunted, "Let's go."

They headed out through the kitchen and up to the roof, but when they were a little over halfway up the narrow stairwell Sakura felt a tiny prickle of warning, instinct telling her not to go any farther, and she stopped dead in her tracks and masked her chakra. Deidara's instincts were as good as hers, and he had stopped and masked his chakra at the same moment. They glanced at each other in surprised perplexity, and strained their senses to locate the source of their mutual alarm.

They heard it soon enough: the sound of voices coming from the roof through the open door ahead of them. Pein's, Konan's, and another that was unfamiliar. Three voices, but only two faint chakra signatures, meaning number three didn't want their presence to be known.

Sakura's eyes widened and her pulse quickened.

The third was Uchiha Madara. It had to be.

She caught Deidara's attention and mouthed the name to him, pointing toward the open doorway, and watched his eyes narrow sharply before he turned forward again and they strained even harder to hear that conversation.

They were arguing up there, and they were just barely able to catch fragments of the angry discussion.

"—told _you_ to go after the kyuubi jinchuuriki weeks ago. If you hadn't stalled on it Itachi wouldn't be _dead_."

"It's Itachi's own fault for going into Leaf territory by himself," Konan retorted tersely.

"You're the one who said to hold off and wait for Cloud to organize with Mist, or did you forget that? It was your idea to bring it up to Cloud in the first place," Pein said, clearly irritated.

"Why was Itachi there in the first place? Do you not keep track of what your people do?"

"I don't know why he was in Konoha territory. He wasn't after the kyuubi, if that's what you're thinking. It was by chance that he got in a fight with Uzumaki Naruto. It was his own fault for being careless."

"Itachi was not a careless man. He had a reason for being there, although it apparently didn't work out the way he planned. You have always been far too lenient and unmindful of your subordinates, Pein, and you know very little about what sort of man Itachi was."

"Akatsuki is a group of individuals and I am not a slave driver. Shinobi of the caliber this organization requires would not tolerate that kind of leadership." There was a short, tense pause. "Why are you so concerned about Itachi's death anyway? I thought you had no more use for him since his eyes started going bad. You're hardly a grieving kinsman."

"No, hardly. But I still had plans for him. His eyes were bad, but the rest of his body was in much better condition than this one I have now. I may only have one eye, but there was no reason why I couldn't take it with me into a new form…_his_." He sighed, heavily enough for them to hear faintly. "Well I suppose that's all ruined now, since that little bastard's mutinous intentions got him killed."

Sakura looked at Deidara worriedly, for he had suddenly gone very still and his face had drained of all color. His eyes held a kind of shocked fury she'd never seen in him before.

"I _know_ that voice…" he whispered, so faintly she barely heard him though he was only inches away. "One eye…_no fucking way_…"

He silently reached into his clay pouch. Sakura watched him warily, alarmed by his expression and worried about what he might do. A moment later he produced a tiny white spider in one hand, no bigger than a small coin, and carefully set it on the wall where it began to crawl toward the open doorway.

Meanwhile, as the spider inched closer to the source of the voices, the distance-muted conversation continued.

"What do you mean by mutinous intentions?" Konan asked.

Madara chuckled darkly. "Somewhere along the line Itachi learned of my plans for him. He never knew that_ I_ knew that he was secretly undermining me and trying to find a way to take me down. And now," another short pause, "I believe he's brought _others_ into his little scheme."

"Who?" Pein asked skeptically. "Kisame?"

"Possibly, and we'll have to keep a close eye on him from now on. But I am more inclined to think Itachi managed to get Sakura in with him."

Sakura's stomach lurched in alarm and she shared a quick, nervous glance with Deidara.

"_Sakura_? I thought she and Itachi didn't really get along," Konan countered.

"They didn't at first, but that's changed. You told her to work on his eyes, and they've spent a lot more time together than you realize."

Deidara stiffened at that, but he didn't look at her and she kept herself from looking at him as well. The tiny clay spider had nearly reached the door.

"She asked about him today, as soon as she got back," Pein said after a moment, suspicion lacing his tone.

"Hn. Whatever Itachi was planning, she was in on it with him, I'm sure of it. Deidara is probably involved as well, since he and Sakura are _so_ romantically lovey-dovey," Madara said, his tone blatantly mocking.

"Not anymore," Pein countered. "Something happened there. There was palpable angry tension between them when they reported to me earlier."

"How heartbreaking. But it doesn't matter since whatever Itachi told them was _before_ they left. It's not clear how much they know, but it's safe to assume they know my true identity, at least. Though I wonder how much Deidara _really_ knows... Knowing him…if he knew _that_ he wouldn't be able to keep quiet about it."

"You are a cruel, ruthless man," Konan said, and it clearly wasn't a compliment.

Madara chuckled again. "So I am…so I am. And it appears more ruthlessness is needed. It looks like we're going to need to replace _four_ members instead of two."

Sakura and Deidara looked to each other in alarm, understanding perfectly. The spider reached the doorframe and carefully crept to the edge to see around it, and Deidara closed his eyes to concentrate on what the tiny creature was seeing.

"That's surely not necessary," Konan argued. "Sakura is one of the best medics in the world. She is impossible to replace. Deidara is special as well. Neither of them are expendable."

"What is the point of such secrecy?" Pein added, sounding annoyed and frustrated. "Why don't you just reveal yourself to the remaining members?"

"Sakura is a former Leaf ninja. My name has meaning to her and she has been raised to revile it, and whatever Itachi told her has surely increased that sentiment. And you know full well that my dear old 'senpai' would never agree to work for me."

Sakura turned to Deidara curiously. What did Madara mean by that? But her eyes widened in concern as she saw Deidara's expression. He was shaking with rage, eyes narrowed, his lips curled in a vicious snarl. She thought the way he looked at her the night he caught her sending that message had been frightening. It was nothing compared to this. He was leaning forward ever so slightly, his body automatically coiling as if about to strike. His hands twitched and fisted over his clay pouches. It was clear he was about seconds away from flying up the stairs and attacking Madara, which would undoubtedly be the end of both of them.

According to Madara, they were finished anyway.

There was only one option. They needed to get out of here _right now_.

Sakura reached out and touched his shoulder. He started violently, as if he'd completely forgotten her presence in the face of whatever had him so enormously agitated. Not daring to speak and give them away, she conveyed the necessity to get the hell out through her expression and a quick jerk of her head back the way they'd come.

He stared at her a moment and then turned back to the open door above them, clearly still thinking about causing a very unpleasant scene.

She clutched at his cloak sleeve and jerked, forcing him to focus on her again. She frowned urgently at him and mouthed he word "Now!"

The direness of the situation finally seemed to sink in, and his aggressive posture relaxed somewhat. Silently, using every ounce of stealth and shinobi skill they possessed, they backed down the stairwell and quickly made their escape.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later the argument on the rooftop still hadn't ended. In fact it had escalated.

"This is foolish, Madara. You want to kill two members simply because they know who you _are_. Replacing them as well as Itachi and Hidan will take much longer than we have time for. Replacing them with shinobi of the same level is damn near impossible," Pein argued, a dark frown on his normally impassive features.

"Why do you believe your identity will matter to them at all? Yes, Deidara will be angry, _very_ angry, but if he decides to turn against us _at that point_ then he will have made that choice. But right now they haven't even done anything wrong. You don't even know for a fact that they _know_ anything yet," Konan added, angry now as well.

"Akatsuki cannot afford such a loss," Pein declared firmly.

Madara gave them both scathing glares, which they couldn't see, but could feel by the dark aura emanating from him. "Akatsuki is _my_ organization and I will do with it as I see fit. If you don't like it then you are both free to leave. Have you forgotten where you would be now if I hadn't found you both and offered you this path?"

They both glared at him resentfully.

"What is more important to you; your ideals of the future, or your absurd and pointless _fondness_ for those two?"

"Our divine purpose is more important than anything," Pein responded, after a tense moment.

A dark chuckle escaped from behind the swirling mask. "That's what I thought."

A moment later, with a low buzzing sound Zetsu materialized out of the concrete flooring a few feet behind the hooded man.

"Did you find them?" Madara asked evenly, without turning to look.

"No," the plant man replied.

"They had a mission and have probably left already," Pein said, still angry.

"No. They didn't leave for the mission." "_They're_ _gone_."

Madara's dark aura spiked furiously. "_What_."

"I searched for them like you ordered, including their rooms." "_Their cloaks were lying on their beds, and so were their rings_." He held out his white-skinned hand, revealing two heavy silver rings in his palm, easily recognizable as Deidara's and Sakura's. "Their trail ends just outside the main doors on the street level. They obviously flew away on one of Deidara's birds."

A long moment of tense, malevolent silence followed. And then Madara straightened as a thought occurred to him. "They usually leave from up here, don't they?"

"Yes," Pein affirmed.

"The door is open."

They all turned toward the open stairwell to confirm with their own eyes. Madara crossed over to it and peered down the narrow passage. Then something caught his eye in the upper corner of the frame, and he reached a gloved hand up to pluck the tiny white spider from its previously hidden niche. He turned and walked back to the group, holding it in his open palm.

"They overheard us."

Anger curled around him in thick waves, and he crushed the spider in a fist. The clay creation emitted a muffled squeak, and Madara quickly tossed it to the side a second before it exploded in a surprisingly large ball of flame and smoke.

"Go after them, Zetsu."

"They will be very hard to track without their rings." "_Especially since they're flying_."

"They have to land sometime. _Find them_," he growled, low and dangerous.

Zetsu nodded once and began to sink into the floor once more. "_And when I do?_"

"Kill them."


	18. Broken Illusions

**Vertigo**

Chapter Eighteen: Broken Illusions

* * *

"They know we're gone," Deidara called back over his shoulder.

"How?" Sakura asked, shouting to be heard over the rushing wind.

"My spider's been destroyed."

Well that was just great news. "Where are we going?"

"I have no idea." His agitation was still clearly evident.

Sakura didn't feel much calmer. They'd been flying about twenty minutes, heading away from Rain as fast as Deidara's fastest bird could carry them.

"Why south?" she asked, having noticed that they had been following a straight line in that direction almost the entire time.

"Where the hell else are we gonna go? North is Earth, west is Wind and more open country that Akatsuki controls, east is Fire…there's nowhere to go _but_ south."

"But by that logic they're going to _know_ we went south. And it's a civilian governed territory so they won't hesitate to pass through," she argued.

"I know that. But right now we just need to get as far away as possible. We can think of a plan once we're in the clear, yeah."

Sakura sighed anxiously. Arguing about it wouldn't do any good. She would just have to trust that he knew what he was doing.

"So will you tell me now what the hell had you so worked up back there?"

He stiffened as his anger flared once again. "I can't believe it…_all_ that time….that _motherfucker!"_

"_Who_?" she cried, frustration getting the better of her. His agitation was agitating _her_, her mood subconsciously feeding off the turbulent energy he was emanating.

"Tobi!" he yelled back.

"_Tobi_? As in your former _partner_ Tobi?"

Deidara suddenly turned around and faced her, leaving their transport on some kind of jutsu-autopilot. His pale blue eyes were livid, his handsome features marred by the blackest of scowls. "Yes. _Tobi_. My lazy, obnoxious, good-for-nothing, make-me-do-all-the-goddamn-work, incompetent, bumbling, retarded, clumsy, gimp-ass former partner."

Sakura couldn't help but raise her eyebrows and smirk. Deidara sure knew how to rant with the best of them. But the situation was too confusing and serious to feel much humor. "So Madara was masquerading as Tobi all that time? Are you sure?" she asked skeptically. It just seemed too implausible, too…_weird_, to be true.

He pushed back the long hair blown into his face by the wind. "_Yes_ I'm sure. I saw him with my own eyes! Or the spider's eyes, or whatever. Same damn thing. It was him. No one else would wear that stupid orange mask."

Sakura started in surprise. "Orange mask?" She frowned, searching her memory for why that seemed familiar. When it dawned on her she gasped. "I've seen him! Madara – Tobi – whatever. When we were trying to get to Sasuke during his battle with Itachi five years ago a shinobi in a swirly orange mask with only one eyehole intercepted us. There were eight of us and we all tried to kill him but our attacks never seemed to hit…or more accurately they _hit_, but they somehow went right through him. He acted like a total idiot, but his combat skill was top caliber. It was like he was toying with us. But before it could go very far something else caught his attention and he vanished. We had no idea who he was." She shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe that was Uchiha Madara…"

Deidara seemed like he was about to continue his rant, but suddenly he frowned down at the clay construct under them. "Shit. This bird's about done. We need to land, yeah."

The problem with keeping their chakra masked was that Deidara couldn't add more to their transport to keep it flying. It could only go on what it had when he made it, which wasn't much because they had needed to get away unnoticed, and now it had nearly run out. Deidara turned back around to focus on piloting again, and a few minutes later he spotted a small rock outcropping beneath a cluster of trees and took them down.

They dismounted and the clay bird poofed out of existence. Sakura climbed a few feet up the rocks and sat down heavily on a large boulder, resting her forehead against her knees and wrapping her arms around her shins. "I can't believe this is actually happening. Can things possibly get any more fucked up?" she groaned.

Deidara only grunted his agreement and pulled out his canteen, taking a long drink as he scanned their surroundings with his scope.

"I always imagined if I had to run for my life from Akatsuki it would be because my cover was blown, not for something like _this_. They don't even suspect me of spying at all. Madara wants us dead because we know too much."

The look he gave her was incredulous. "Too much? All we know is that he's the real head of Akatsuki…and the fact that he likes to parade around as a fucking imbecile in his free time. I mean, you should have _seen_ some of the retarded shit he did."

Sakura frowned. "No, that's not it. He wants us dead because we know his true intentions for the bijuu. Pein and Konan thought he was overreacting, and the fact that he didn't specifically say what we supposedly deserve to die for in front of them proves that Itachi was right: they have no idea what he really intends."

"Looks like the plan wasn't needed after all. Akatsuki is falling apart all on its own, yeah," he remarked before bringing the canteen to his lips again.

Sakura decided to pull out her own canteen and rehydrate before they left again. It wasn't yet noon, but she could already feel the heat of the sun beating down on her shoulders. It was going to be a scorcher today, and she was glad to be rid of that heavy cloak.

"We shouldn't stay here long." Deidara declared as he returned his canteen to his pack. "We're still in River country. We need to get as far away as possible before dark, yeah."

"How far is the border?"

"About another hour's flight."

Sakura put her canteen away, then set her chin on her knees and sighed, thinking of every crazy thing that had happened in the last twenty four hours. "Something's not right," she murmured.

Deidara tensed and quickly glanced around the clearing. "What is it?"

She realized what he was thinking and shook her head. "No no, not that," she assured. "I meant that something seems off about this whole situation. Certain things don't add up."

Deidara snorted. "What, like the fact that Madara is completely off his fucking rocker?"

She smirked faintly at that. "Well, that too. But no…I keep thinking about Itachi's death, and the circumstances of it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for one thing Pein said there was evidence that my teammates killed him…but I know for a fact that Naruto has been confined to the village for protection now that he's the only jinchuuriki left. Why would he be out wandering around in the middle of Fire country?

"But say, theoretically, that he _was_ outside the village and that by some coincidence my team ran into Itachi …wouldn't Itachi have told them about me and our plan? I know my teammates, and they wouldn't just outright attack him, especially if he started revealing the kinds of things he revealed to me. Well, Naruto might try, but Kakashi would keep him in check.

"And like Madara said, Itachi wasn't a foolish or careless person. I find it hard to believe he would go into Leaf territory without a good reason. Even if he _had_, I seriously doubt he wouldn't have been able to avoid an encounter if he didn't want one.

"But okay…say they _did_ end up getting into a fight…Itachi was more than half blind, he wouldn't stand a chance against my teammates in that condition. Pein said there were claw marks and traces of demon chakra at the scene of battle, but the thing is; Naruto doesn't like to call up the kyuubi's chakra. He has a hard time maintaining control in that state and he wants to use his own power to win fights, not borrow some other force to help him."

"I can respect him for _that_, at least," Deidara remarked dryly. "Sounds like he's the total opposite of his old buddy Sasuke."

Sakura gave him a mild glare, but knew he was right. "He always was. Anyway, my point is…Naruto only calls up the kyuubi's chakra as a last resort, in other words—only if he's _seriously_ getting his ass kicked, which almost never happens anymore. Itachi was very powerful, but in a three-on-one fight where Itachi was considerably handicapped, Naruto wouldn't need to call up that extra power. You see what I'm getting at?"

"You think the evidence was fabricated, like maybe Itachi faked his death?" He frowned thoughtfully. "Why would he bother doing that, though, especially when he knew you expected to meet with him after we got back."

She shook her head uncertainly. "I don't know. Maybe something had to be changed with the plan. Madara obviously knows Itachi told his secrets to others, maybe it wasn't safe for him to remain in Akatsuki anymore. Maybe he's trying to send me a message by this." Her frown deepened with suspicion. "I'm starting to wonder if maybe—"

She didn't get to finish. The tiny hairs on the back of her neck rose at the same instant Deidara tensed into an instinctive fighting stance, his hands poised over his clay pouches. She jumped to her feet in alarm as a faint hint of powerful chakra infringed on her senses.

"Can you tell who it is?" There was no question that it was someone sent to find them.

Sakura was no tracker, but her medic's sensitivity to chakra was excellent, and she closed her eyes and carefully felt out with her senses, brow creasing with the effort. "It _is_ familiar…and it's coming right at us with no hesitation. They know exactly where we are."

Deidara wasn't pleased to hear that. "How far?"

"I can't tell for sure. A mile, maybe. But they're moving fast, and they're not trying to hide."

"Zetsu?"

"No…Zetsu moves even faster than that, and you can't really feel him when he's underground anyway… No, it's…" Her eyes flew open, filled with a mix of wariness and relief. "It's Kisame."

He started in surprise. "_Kisame_? How the hell does he know where we are?"

She frowned thoughtfully. "Samehada."

Deidara didn't follow. "What?"

"His sword. It eats chakra, so it makes sense that it would be able to locate it as well, even the trace amounts we give off when we mask it," she explained.

"Well whatever we're gonna do we need to do it now. I vote we get the hell out of here, yeah."

"I think we should wait, and talk to him. Itachi was supposed to bring him in on everything; maybe he told him already. If not we can tell him and see if he'll still join us."

"And if not?"

Her expression clouded. She liked Kisame, but she liked living more. "If not then we'll leave. And if he tries to stop us…"

"Kisame is a bad opponent for me, Sakura. My clay stops working when it gets too wet, you know that. And that sword of his can suck our chakra dry in two seconds flat."

"I know, but…let's just wait. Itachi was confident about Kisame taking our side. Let's talk to him," she urged.

Deidara remained hesitant, but finally sighed in resignation. "I hope you're right about this."

"Me too," she replied anxiously. Neither relaxed their fighting stances.

They didn't have to wait long. The shark nin was remarkably fast for his huge size, and a couple minutes later he was there, streaking through the trees and flickering to a stop several feet away. Samehada was unstrapped and held over one shoulder as he faced them, a half-grin on his aquiline face. The fact that he was smiling was not necessarily an indicator of friendship. Kisame's sharp-toothed grin could be more sinister than the darkest scowl.

He regarded them both and they stared back, all three tense an on guard.

"Someone want to tell me what the fuck's going on around here?" Kisame finally said.

"Gladly," Sakura answered, preparing to tell him everything she knew.

"What were you told?" Deidara asked suspiciously, delaying Sakura's explanatory speech.

Kisame shook his head as if he didn't know what to believe. "Leader contacted me about an hour ago and told me to hunt you two down. He said you defected." His grin widened. "If you guys were planning to run off and elope without telling me, it would definitely hurt my feelings."

"How did you find us so fast?" Deidara asked, ignoring the snarky comment.

The shark nin shrugged the shoulder not supporting his massive sword. "It just so happened my mission had me in this area, and I got lucky and saw you flying. I followed you and watched where you landed."

"Well, we _did_ defect," Sakura admitted. "And with damn good reason, which I know you'll be _very_ interested to hear for yourself."

"I figured as much," Kisame said. "There are a few things I've been wondering about, too."

"Like?" Deidara asked.

"Itachi had been acting real strange lately…stranger than usual. He'd been saying things about running out of time and it not being safe anymore. I had no idea what he was talking about, but I didn't think too much of it because he's always been a cryptic guy. He even mentioned you two, said he hoped you would finish your mission and come back quickly, which didn't make any damn sense because I doubt he missed you all that much. Then one day he said he had something to take care of, and that when he got back he had something very important to discuss with me. Only he never came back. Then I hear he's been killed, and from something he definitely wouldn't have been stupid enough to get himself into. So I'm assuming you know something about all this," he said to Sakura.

"I do, actually."

And so she told him all of it—everything he needed to know, anyway. About Uchiha Madara being the true head of Akatsuki, and who knew about him and who didn't. About him being Tobi – at which point Deidara nearly went off again in a fit of admittedly justifiable rage. She explained his true plans for the bijuu and about how he was deceiving even Pein and Konan, and about Itachi's plan to bring it all to light and turn Akatsuki upside down, and eventually destroy Madara for good.

"We don't know exactly how he planned to end it all once everyone found out the truth. He was supposed to explain the rest when we came back. And as far as what he was doing in Fire and the events that led to his death…I'm still trying to figure that out myself," she finished with a frustrated sigh.

Kisame was quiet a moment as he absorbed it all, and then shook his head incredulously. "Tobi, huh? Bet you wish you hadn't held back from killing him all those times, eh?" he said to Deidara, grinning wickedly.

Deidara scowled. "That son of a bitch put me through so much ridiculous bullshit. And I always _knew_ he had to be doing it on purpose. If I had only known…that fucker…" He trailed off with a malevolent growl, his hands fisting above his clay pouches.

Kisame jammed his sword into the ground and crossed his arms over his chest. His toothy half-grin didn't fall, but there was a definite dark edge to his aura now. "Well this is definitely an interesting turn of events. I think I'm pretty pissed off about it."

"I don't blame you," Sakura said. "Madara has betrayed everyone, and in some really fucked up ways, too. That by itself is enough to turn everyone in Akatsuki against him, but then the fact that he wants to kill hundreds of thousands of people, innocent or otherwise…that's not something anyone signed up for, I'm sure. Except maybe Hidan, but he doesn't matter anymore anyway."

"Yeah, I heard he vanished into thin air," Kisame said. "I doubt he's that good at covering his tracks, and if he was gonna leave he would have done it a long time ago, so he's most likely dead. Sounds like whoever offed him made damn sure there was nothing left of him to put back together."

"Well, they have my thanks. The world's a better place without him in it," she replied. Callous as it was, it was how she felt. Hidan had lost the last remnants of his humanity long before she met him, and he deserved neither compassion nor mourning.

"_Anyway_," Deidara cut in curtly, "what the hell are we supposed to do now that everything's gone to shit, hm?"

"Well there is no 'plan' now, with Itachi dead and you two on the run," Kisame pointed out.

"You could go back and tell Pein the truth about Madara," Sakura suggested.

He gave her an incredulous look. "By myself? What if he doesn't believe me, or Madara finds out? That sounds like sticking my neck out a little farther than I'm comfortable with."

"Well, you could just not go back at all. With only four members left Madara won't be able to pull off his plan anyway."

"Until he replaces us," Deidara said pointedly.

Kisame didn't reply to either of them. He tightened his brawny arms across his chest and frowned in thought, debating his options.

But he didn't have long to think, because all three of them suddenly tensed as the ground beneath their feet began to faintly tremor.

"Shit!" Sakura cursed as alarm flooded through her and she readied herself to move away from what was coming.

They had lingered in one place for too long.

She wasn't the only one who knew what that vibration meant. Deidara had jumped back several feet and now the three of them formed a rough triangle. He was already working the clay in his pouches.

Acting fast, Sakura reached into her apron pocket and withdrew three small needle-tipped vials. She tossed one to each of the men. "Hurry, take these!"

"What is it?" Kisame asked, inspecting it between his fingers.

"Just do it! _Now_!" she snapped, and hastily broke the tip of hers and jammed it into her thigh muscle.

It all happened within seconds, and then Zetsu emerged from the ground in the center of their loose formation. He regarded Sakura and Deidara each for a long moment, his strange gold eyes full of dark intent. Then he tilted his head slightly to the side, addressing the shark nin without looking at him.

"Looks like you found them first, Kisame." "_Why haven't you engaged them?_"

Kisame shrugged casually. "I just got here. And I wanted an explanation first."

"_Explanations don't matter. We have orders to eliminate them._"

The shark nin chuckled. "That black side of yours sure is bloodthirsty, isn't it?"

Zetsu made a sound that was half snort, half amused growl. "I suppose. Maybe I'm just hungry." He turned his attention back to the rogue partners. "But the fact remains that they have defected." "_No one leaves Akatsuki alive._"

"Except for Orochimaru," Kisame pointed out. His grin widened and he uncrossed his arms, taking Samehada by the hilt with one hand. "But then…Orochimaru never found out that Tobi – aka Uchiha Madara – was the real leader of Akatsuki, did he. That's the real reason these two are marked, right?"

Zetsu turned a little to fully regard the shark, his expression calculating.

"So since_ I_ know now, I guess that puts me on the list too, eh?"

"Not necessarily. Once we kill them, I'm sure Madara will show his appreciation by letting you stick around."

"Is that right," he mused, his usually jovial voice taking on a darker edge as his grin fell.

"Zetsu, listen," Sakura cut in, earning the plant man's full attention again, "you don't know the whole story. This isn't about Madara being the leader of Akatsuki. He's been lying to everyone, even to Pein—"

"You're wrong, Sakura," he cut her off, "I _do_ know the whole story."

Her eyes narrowed sharply. "What do you mean?"

"I know everything," he explained. "In fact you could say I'm the only one who knew everything from the start." "_Until Itachi figured it out_." His razor sharp half-smile widened to a sinister grin. "It was I who found Madara on the brink of death so many years ago at the Valley of the End. I knew who he was. Everyone knew who he was back in those days. He promised me an opportunity for power and ultimate respect if I helped him, and I agreed."

From off to the side Kisame gave a dark chuckle. "You're a lot older than you look, eh plant man?"

"You can't really believe what he promised you…he'll get rid of you when you're of no further use to him. You have to know that," Deidara said pointedly.

Zetsu merely shrugged. "_Then I will make sure that I am always useful._"

"Then you know about his true goal for the shinobi world…and you _agree_ with him?" Sakura asked incredulously.

Those eerie gold eyes trained back to her. "It's not about agreeing with him or not. I simply don't care."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously, and she readied herself. "Well then, it's nothing personal, Zetsu…but we can't let you leave here alive."

Zetsu bared his razor sharp teeth, vicious and eager. "That's my line, pinkie." He turned to regard Kisame again. "You take Deidara. I'll take the girl." "_I've_ _always wanted to know if she tastes as good as she looks_."

Sakura made a revolted sound, and Deidara actually emitted a low growl at the plant man's words, but now was definitely not the time to ponder what his reaction might mean. Her eyes turned to Kisame anxiously. He would have to decide where he stood, and now.

Kisame's grip tightened on his sword, but his free hand rose to the collar of his cloak. "Actually…I don't think that's the way it's going to go," he said somberly. And then he quickly popped the clasps and sent the dark material flying. He pulled his Akatsuki ring from his finger, his expression dead serious for once. "Ten years I worked for Akatsuki…and I don't appreciate being deceived."

He chucked the heavy silver accessory at Zetsu, who caught it and narrowed his eyes. "I see. Then it looks like I have to kill all three of you."

Kisame laughed without humor. "Sorry, plant man, but three against one doesn't look good for you."

"We'll see about that." A low frequency buzzing sounded in their ears, and all three of them tensed.

"Kisame, don't let him start transmitting!" Sakura cried in alarm.

"Don't worry," he assured, "our old buddy Tobi won't be getting a play-by-play of _this_ fight."

Zetsu stiffened with an enraged snarl. "_What have you done?_"

The customary toothy grin was back in place. "Samehada's been slowly draining your chakra since the moment you popped up out of the ground. You don't have enough left to link up to your boss to tell him where we are." A moment passed, Samehada thrummed with sentient glee, and then Zetsu gasped and faltered slightly. "And _now_…you don't have any left at all."

"Bastard," Zetsu growled, straightening again. "I'm not a normal human." "_I don't need jutsu to kill you._"

Several things happened all at once. With a high-pitched screech several clay birds flew at Zetsu in a blur, their creator already leaping into the air and landing on the back of his flying construct as it enlarged under him. The rocks beneath Sakura's feet shattered and flew upward in a cloud of dust as several arm-thick vines burst through and tried to grab her. She leapt away only to have several more burst up from her landing spot, their tips tapered and pointed like lances. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the same thing happening to Kisame.

Deidara was out of Zetsu's range, however, and he made good use of that fact by launching a series of explosive projectiles at the plant man as he circled the clearing in the air. He sent several after the shooting vines as well, but they appeared and disappeared back into the earth too quickly and randomly to get a lock on.

Zetsu dodged the explosives, deflecting some with more vines that sprang up at his will from anywhere within a hundred feet of his body. He lost some in the process, growling in rage and pain at every blown apart tentacle, but he seemed to have an endless supply to protect himself. However, evading the clay birds became much more difficult when Kisame lunged at him and swung his massive sword at his head.

With Zetsu engaged in close combat with Kisame, Deidara couldn't target his main body without risking killing the shark nin as well, so he focused his attacks on the vines trying to reach him in the sky.

Meanwhile Sakura had quickly discarded her pack for better speed and movement, but she had pulled the kodachi from the straps first, and now used it to slice her way through the mass of thick tentacles, trying to get closer and attack Zetsu directly. The root-like appendages were severed and sent flying as she battled her way toward their source, deftly weaving through, jumping or flipping over every attacking lance. Hearing a sharp warning call from Deidara, she dodged in time to avoid being hit as one of his birds blasted through a particularly large vine coming straight at her.

Zetsu managed to get a thick vine wrapped around Kisame's leg and the shark was flung through the air, hitting a tree trunk with a sickening crack before falling to the ground. He rolled to the side just in time to avoid the spear that tried to impale his chest, and brought his sword around in a heavy swipe to mangle the vine before it made a second attack.

Sakura used their enemy's distraction to rush him, flooding chakra to her legs and leaping at him in a flying kick. The blow landed on the outside of his carapace, but the full force of her strike only put a large dent in the shell. Her eyes widened. That thing must be as hard as steel. Zetsu was knocked back several feet and fell to the ground at the impact, but he recovered his senses before Sakura could attack again and swiped at her with another vine. This one was covered in thorns as long and thick as her fingers, and the spikes pierced her midsection as she was caught and sent flying. She hit the ground with a pained groan and rolled to a stop near the rocks. She pushed herself to her feet immediately, knowing another attack was coming, but she was dazed from the hard blow and her reactions were sluggish, and her eyes widened in alarm as she looked up and realized she was about to get hit again.

Suddenly Deidara was there above her, and with a powerful explosion that almost knocked her over again the approaching spiked vine was blown to bits. With a grateful sigh she looked up and met his gaze. His eyes were filled with concern, but he didn't speak. She gave him a small nod of thanks and silent assurance that she was fine as she got to her feet.

"Impossible," Zetsu declared roughly, glaring at her as he too got to his feet, his breathing labored. "How are you still standing?" He looked to Kisame. "And you too." "_My vines are poisonous._"

Sakura glanced down at her bleeding abdomen. Those thorns had punctured her in probably six different places, but her quick thinking had prevented a very unpleasant outcome. She met Zetsu's stare with a smug smile. "I knew that if the situation ever arose where I would be running from Akatsuki that you would be the one sent to find me. You never should have let me into your greenhouse. It was the perfect opportunity to study every type of poison you absorb and come up with an antidote. Thankfully I had the foresight to make extra, and all three of us are now immune to you."

"_You bitch_," he growled. "_If I can't poison you then I'll just rip you apart!_"

Several more vines flew at her and she dove away. Deidara sent more explosives at their source, and Kisame formed seals and flooded the ground with water he pulled up from deep within the earth. In the soggy muck Zetsu's tentacles couldn't move as quickly, and he growled in agitation as he was forced into a defensive position again.

Sakura had to give him credit. Three s-class shinobi against one, with his chakra almost completely drained, and he was holding up remarkably well. But he had overlooked her ability to plan ahead, and it would cost him. Again she used the distractions Kisame and Deidara were providing, muddy water splashing up around her legs as she sprinted toward Zetsu. She charged her fist with chakra and swung at his chest as she reached him. He caught her midsection with a kick and sent her flying again. But as she flew through the air a triumphant smirk formed on her lips, because he'd fallen for her ruse exactly as she'd hoped. She hit the ground hard, grimacing as pain tore through her injured abdomen, and rolled to her feet just in time to see the enormous plant man fall to his knees in the mud, his expression contorted with intense pain. His gold eyes widened in shock as the vines protruding from the soggy broken ground began brown and shrivel, dying before his eyes.

He looked up at her in rage and disbelief. "_What the fuck have you done to me?_"

She held up a large, empty syringe for him to see. "You underestimate me…believing I would be careless enough to bluntly charge you like that. My intention was to inject you with this."

"_What is it?_" He sputtered a moment before falling into a series of hacking coughs.

Her lips curled in a grim smile. "Highly concentrated saline solution."

If there had been any color in his face, it would have drained completely with the look of horror that came over his features. "_Saltwater!_" he gasped.

"Not exactly. What I injected you with has about three times the amount of sodium chloride as regular saltwater," she informed coolly.

"_Bi…tch…"_ His whole body began to shake with spasms as large brown spots appeared on his damaged flytrap and he fell to his elbows, muddy water sloshing around with his jerky movements.

Deidara had lowered his bird to a hover just above ground, and Kisame had slung his sword over his shoulder. It didn't take a science expert to understand that saltwater was deadly to land plants. Even a normal human would become deathly sick from that injection, but by being more plant than man, Zetsu was at his end. The battle was over. They watched silently as the plant man withered and shuddered his last breaths, gasping and coughing as the saltwater did to him what his poisons would have done to them if not for Sakura's foresight.

Zetsu raised his head a final time and fixed them all with hateful glares. "_None of you will es…cape_," he choked. A strange, brownish blood began to leak from his nose and the corners of his mouth and he hacked again. "_Madara will…destroy you all…he will butcher…the world…_"

"No," Sakura said firmly, with the confidence only absolute faith in her comrades could give, "he won't."

With a strangled gurgle, Zetsu collapsed face down in the soggy earth, and didn't move again.

#

Several moments passed before Sakura finally broke the silence. "Make sure he's dead," she said quietly to no one in particular, eyes still trained on the unmoving form in the mud.

"Samehada can't detect any chakra from him. He's dead," Kisame affirmed.

"Make _sure_," she repeated with a weary sigh. "We can't risk the possibility."

Deidara produced a tiny clay sparrow in his palm, which enlarged at his command and flitted down to the ground, where it hopped over to the fallen Zetsu and made its way underneath the iron-like husk. He cast Sakura a meaningful look, and she didn't need an explanation to know what was about to happen and that she didn't want to see it. She turned away and walked toward where her abandoned pack lay near the rocks. On the way, she retrieved the kodachi that had been knocked from her hands. The moment she bent to pick it up, a blast of heat and sound flared across her back as the small explosion made certain their once-almost-comrade would never rise again.

A sudden stab of pain shot through her as she shouldered her pack, and her face contorted in a tight grimace. It didn't go unnoticed, and she was slightly surprised when Deidara appeared next to her.

"How bad is it?" he asked, his tone muted and a little hesitant. He was obviously reluctant to fret over her – or at least to show it – but apparently couldn't help himself. She almost smiled.

She gingerly lifted her shirt up to her ribs, frowning at the mess of deep holes and blood trails on her stomach. Deidara blanched at the sight and almost reached out to touch her. She wanted to reach out to him too, so badly. The pining ache returned for a moment, but she stubbornly fought it away.

"It's nothing too serious, though I do need to tend to it soon." She gave a quiet huff of amusement. "It kinda reminds me of what happened to you that one time."

Deidara's lips twisted in a smirk. "Luckily you had that antidote and the quick thinking to use it, yeah. Though…I guess luck had nothing to do with it since you anticipated everything. You're always the clever one."

His words had gotten quieter and faster as he spoke, and now he wasn't looking at her. She couldn't help but smile faintly. He was almost rambling, and he would only do that if he felt nervous or awkward, and if that was the case it could only mean he was uncomfortable and unhappy with the way things were between them.

"Deidara…I—" She cut off quietly, not knowing what to say. Or maybe she had too much to say, and didn't know how to begin.

He looked at her again. "Hm?"

The seconds ticked by as they looked at each other. Their expressions remained guarded, but there was a hint of something wanting to break through. Sakura could feel it vibrating the air, almost pulling her toward him. Finally she was able to collect herself, blinking several times to break away from his searching gaze.

"Nothing," she muttered. Now was not the time or place for that.

Sakura self-consciously rubbed at her brow and cheeks to make sure there were no traces of mud or plant bits on her face, and after a moment she turned away, leaving him staring as she crossed to the rocks and sat facing away from him. She carefully lay back and lifted her shirt up again so she could begin healing the damage by touch alone, since looking from this position meant flexing her abs, which was both painful and counterproductive. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on the healing, on the heat of the sun soaking into her skin…anything to blank out the emotions threatening to wash over her. The traitorous moisture spiking her lashes only made her frustrated and angry. She refused to cry in front of him again.

"We need to get away from here soon. His body probably won't be discovered for a couple days, when he doesn't report back. The further away we are when that happens, the better," Kisame said as he made his way over.

"How's your leg?" Sakura asked without opening her eyes to see him.

The shark nin chuckled dryly. "Better than your gut, I'll bet."

"Do you need me to take a look at it?"

"Nah, I'm good to run. We'll go as soon as you're done."

They were all in agreement, so there wasn't any more talking as Sakura patched herself up – she would do a more thorough job later, when they were in the clear – and then they set out at a fast pace in a southeastern direction.

The original problem with running was Zetsu and his freakish tracking ability. With Zetsu out of the way they were safe on the ground, safer than in the air because that's what the others would expect them to do and that was, in fact, how Kisame had found them in the first place.

They crossed the border before midday and continued to run deep into civilian territory, in the vague direction of the Fire border but mindful of the patrol boundaries. An encounter with ANBU may have been bumped down to only the _second_ worst thing that could happen, but they still didn't want to risk anything that would slow them down.

It was mid-afternoon when they finally paused for a break, somewhere near the center of the country. They had stopped near a stream to refill their canteens and clean up a little, and Sakura used the time to wash the dried, sticky blood from her stomach along with the sweat from running hard in the midsummer's heat, and then set to finishing the work on her damaged abdomen. Afterward she did her best to wash the stains out of her shirt and refilled her canteen, then moved back to where Kisame and Deidara sat at the edge of the forest.

"I think we should split up here," Kisame announced as she drew up to them.

Sakura stopped in her tracks and stared at the shark nin. "What? Why? Our chances are better – we're _stronger_ – with three."

"In a fight, yes. But a fight is what we want to avoid, and we stand a better chance of evading them in smaller numbers," he explained. "Besides, I'll only slow you two down."

Sakura frowned. "What are you talking about—?"

"He's right," Deidara interjected. "Our best chance is by air, and with three of us the transports will be slower, and _bigger_, making it a lot harder to get by unnoticed, yeah."

"The 'plan' is shot," Kisame reminded, shrugging casually as if this was just a minor setback. "We're fugitives from everyone now, and the smartest thing to do is disappear for a while. What's left of Akatsuki will be looking for us together, as a trio. We can throw them off longer in smaller numbers. You know I'm right."

Sakura spread her hands in defeat. "I know…but after everything, it just seems so…_final_."

Kisame gave a hearty chuckle. "I'm touched, little hellion. I didn't know you liked me so much."

She gave him a halfhearted glare, but smiled despite herself. "You have your moments," she said dryly.

The shark's laugh was surprisingly warm. "So do you, girlie. So do you." He sighed and got to his feet, brushing stray forest debris from his already dirty and torn pants.

Deidara stood as well, and Sakura sighed softly. She had genuinely developed a sort of fondness for the tall shark man during their time as Akatsuki comrades. She wasn't sad, exactly, but she did feel…wistful, at their parting.

She held her hand out to him. "Then I guess this is goodbye," she said quietly, giving him a small smile.

He took her hand and shook it firmly, flashing her a wide, pointy toothed grin. "Who knows, shinobi at our level always seem to run into each other at some point. Maybe if we live we'll all meet again someday."

If they did it would likely be as enemies, and so for his sake, Sakura inwardly hoped not. "Good luck, Kisame."

"You too, kiddo." He turned to Deidara then, and his grin became wicked. "I suppose you don't shake hands, eh? How about a hug instead?"

Deidara huffed softly in dry amusement, smirking at the older man. "Get out of here, bastard," he said affably.

With another chuckle, Kisame turned and walked away. He paused after several feet and turned, regarded them both with that teasing grin, though there was a hint of somberness in his expression. "Stick together. You make a good team. And you know…happily-ever-afters don't come often in our world…maybe you two will be lucky enough to get one."

Sakura held her smile in place, not letting him see how sad his words made her. She wouldn't look at Deidara, but she could sense the unexpected comment settle heavily around his shoulders as well.

"I hope you find happiness too, Kisame," she said in return, and meant it.

The tall man's smile softened for a moment, into something truly genuine. Then he shifted his pack on his shoulders and gave a small nod. "See ya."

With a soft rustle, he took to the trees and headed west, passing quickly out of sight.

* * *

When he was far enough away that they could no longer sense him, Sakura sighed wearily and reluctantly looked to Deidara. But to her surprise, Deidara had already turned and went to sit back down in his previous spot, back against the tree trunk with his elbows on his knees, head tilted back and eyes closed tiredly.

With nothing to say and no input to give, Sakura went to sit down as well, several feet from him, hesitant to infringe on personal space. She hugged her knees to her chest and set her chin on them, staring at the ground with a tired, blank expression as her fingers tugged softly on tufts of grass near her foot.

Every time the urge to look at him arose, she fought it back down. The silence between them was weighted, but not unbearable, she realized. The longing to reach for him, to _connect_ with him in some way was no less than before, but she was a little surprised to find that the bitter pain had diminished.

They were finally talking. With the exception of a few uncomfortable moments earlier, they had been talking all day. How ironic, that it would take something like _this_ to finally break down that invisible wall.

As she'd told herself earlier, this was neither the time nor the place for their personal issues. Their current situation didn't allow for uncomfortable tension and communication barriers. Their lives were in danger, they were desperate to get away, at a total loss as to where to go or what to do next. They were scared. Whether he would admit it or not – and that was highly unlikely – Sakura knew that Deidara was as worried about their predicament as she was. And so, whatever mess was between them had to be put aside for the time being.

In the end, even with everything that had happened, Sakura was glad she decided to stick to her duty and come back. Akatsuki was falling apart, exactly as Itachi predicted it would. There had been a few major surprises, and their original plan was nonexistent, but the concept was still in effect. There were only three members left now, and their plans for war and the capture of Naruto would have to be put on hold until they could recover from this major blow and replace the six members that had been lost in a week's time, four of them in a single day. Akatsuki may _never _fully recover, and that gave her a deep sense of hope.

Her mission was over. It may not have been _completed_, exactly. But it was an overall success.

The other reason she was glad she'd come back was sitting a few feet from her. It was so hard to be near him and still be so far apart, and sometimes it was almost more than she could take. But she was glad to have stayed, glad to still be part of his life in some way, at least for a little longer.

She was glad neither of them had to be alone in this.

If she'd kept running that night and eventually gone back to Konoha, where would Deidara be right this moment? He would be alone out here, on the run. Or more likely he would already be dead. She knew the only reason he hadn't attacked Madara this morning was because he had certainly known that a confrontation on that rooftop would have been the end of them both. However much he might dislike her now, she knew he didn't want her dead.

Deidara shifted, pulling her out of her thoughts, and this time she let herself glance his way. He had merely stretched out one leg in front of him, but they way he supported his head in the hand braced on his knee and the tight expression on his face showed how deeply stressed he was.

Worrying would get them nowhere, and only made things worse.

"So…" she began softly, drawing his gaze, "we should figure out what we're going to do from here out."

He gave her a long, pointed glare. "Well it's pretty obvious what _you_ should do, yeah."

He didn't mask the bitterness in his tone. Sakura knew he meant she should be heading for Konoha, should be returning to her home and her life there. She had no mission anymore, and there was no reason not to go back.

But there _was_ a reason.

"I'm not just going to leave you out here by yourself in this mess, Deidara. Think what you want about me, but the fact remains that we _are_ partners – _teammates_ – and I don't abandon my teammates."

Deidara gave her an incredulous look. "So what, you're just gonna become a missing-nin for real and run around in the wilderness like a hunted animal—all for _my_ sake? Don't be stupid, Sakura. Besides, I've been doing this a lot longer than you have, yeah. I know how to stay alive out here. By myself."

Sakura looked away, not wanting him to see how hard it was to hear him all but spell it out that he didn't need or want her with him. Finally, she exhaled a slow sigh and met his gaze again. "A long time ago, when Kakashi first became my sensei, he told us that people who break the laws and codes of the shinobi world are considered trash…but those who don't take care of their friends are worse than trash. I believed it then and I believe it even more now. My teammates and I…we've always been driven by our bonds more than by duty. So even though I know what I should do, what I would be _expected_ to do…I'm not going to abandon you."

The expression on his face made her pause and look away, crestfallen. "Unless…you _want_ me to go. I…I understand if you don't want me around."

Deidara blinked and looked at the ground near his feet, his brow knitting in a small frown. "That's not what I want—I mean, I wasn't implying that…" he fumbled quietly, and then sighed. "I _should_ be saying 'yes,' because that would get you to go, but…" He trailed off uncomfortably, not wanting, or perhaps not knowing how to continue.

It was silly that such a small implication could make her heart flutter, but it did. They were at a crossroads with their lives and futures at stake, both individually and as a pair, and right now she was hanging on his every word. She studied him a long moment before deciding to voice her thoughts. "There is one possibility…" she began cautiously.

His gaze sharpened intently, already suspecting what she was about to say.

"You…could come back with me…"

His frown was immediate. "So I can be locked up? Tortured? _Executed_? I don't fucking think so."

She shook her head in a placating manner. "I wouldn't let that happen."

He scoffed. "Right. And how exactly are you gonna stop it, hm?"

"I hold a lot of weight with the Hokage, remember. I'm one of the few people in the world she trusts implicitly. She's more than my shishou…she's like a second mother to me. As far as the rest of the council, well…after all I've done for Konoha this past year…they owe me one," she finished firmly.

Deidara was quiet a long time, so long that she began to wonder if he had simply decided to ignore her and not answer at all. After several minutes passed and she continued to stare hopefully at him, he finally responded.

"This isn't something I can just decide on the spot, Sakura," he said wearily.

She nodded acceptingly. It wasn't a flat out 'no' anymore, and that was something, at least. "I know. There's no rush. Just…think about it," she urged.

They fell quiet again, both focused on their own thoughts. After some time Sakura was startled out of her reverie when Deidara suddenly became alert and tense again. Reflexively tensing as well, her eyes snapped to him. He was searching the sky, and though he had only sat up a little straighter, she could see his muscles coiled as if he was about to jump to his feet.

"What is it?"

"The sky…it shouldn't be getting dark this fast."

She began to observe the light as well, and realized after a moment that he was right. It was sometime in late afternoon and twilight was descending, but it was too rapid to be natural. It was also midsummer, and full dark shouldn't happen until long after the sun set.

"It's growing overcast," she observed aloud, her voice low with muted alarm. "There wasn't a cloud in the sky an hour ago…"

Suspicious, they both got to their feet and moved out from under the forest's edge, toward the bank of the stream where they could get a clear look at the sky. What they saw instantly put them both on edge.

On the horizon, dark, ominous storm clouds were moving directly toward them at a speed that was far too fast to be normal.

"What is that?" she wondered.

"It's Pein," Deidara said darkly. "That looks like the same rain jutsu he surrounds Ame with to detect intruders. He's searching for us."

As she watched the approaching storm her expression filled with dreadful awe. "We have to be nearly a hundred miles from Rain…what an incredible jutsu," she murmured.

"Yeah, well, right now it's a really fucking troublesome one," Deidara retorted. "We need to get out of here before that thing catches up with us."

Sakura concurred wholeheartedly. "Can we fly?" she asked him as they both turned back to the tree line to grab their packs.

"I don't know. We _can_, but it's probably not a good idea. Pein might be able to sense the chakra traces from the bird's passage in the atmosphere."

"We shouldn't risk it, then," she agreed, and slung her pack across her shoulders.

Outrunning a storm was harder than it seemed, especially one that didn't move according to the laws of nature. Their fastest speed wasn't fast enough, and within thirty minutes it had nearly caught up to them.

"We can't outrun it!" Sakura called to him as they ran, her point emphasized by heavy, winded breaths.

"I can see that," he shouted back caustically.

They had been running literally all day, and they were both pushing the limits of exhaustion. The air pressure was starting to change, growing heavy with the promise of rain. They probably only had a few minutes before the first drops caught them.

"Then what can we do?" She trusted Deidara to decide because he was always brilliant in a pinch and his instincts were usually right—they had kept his reckless ass alive this long, after all, and had saved her more than once too.

"We need to cross the Fire border," he answered after a moment.

That answer surprised her so much that she almost didn't react in time to the fallen tree trunk that appeared in her path. She cleared it in a slightly ungraceful leap. "I don't think that will stop him, Deidara. Not to mention the host of other problems with that idea."

"I know, but it can't be helped," he argued. "We have no idea how far that jutsu's range goes, and neither of us can keep this up much longer. I doubt he'll push that far into enemy territory. Besides…it's the last place they would expect us to go, yeah."

Sakura frowned, but knew he was likely right. What other options did they have, anyway? She gave him a curt nod of assent, and they shifted from southward to a hard east direction.

It took another fifteen minutes to reach the border, and they pushed with everything they had to stay ahead of the rain. Fortunately for them, Sakura knew Fire country like the back of her hand, knew where the regular ANBU patrol routes were, and knew where to find shelter. It didn't take long to come across a small cave she knew of in the area.

They got inside and moved toward the back only moments before the rain began to pour down in the forest outside. Sakura all but collapsed against the cave wall, her head lolling forward in sheer exhaustion.

She expected Deidara to do the same, but now that they were safe he seemed to have pulled up a last reserve of energy specifically for the purpose of ranting _again_ about the Madara-Tobi issue. He paced back and forth, drawing up an impressive repertoire of insults and general foul-mouthedness that would have had Sakura smirking if she wasn't so bone-tired. How he found the vigor to go on like that mystified her, but she supposed it was to be expected after he'd suffered yet another huge betrayal—this time a real one.

She listened to him bitch for a good while, following him with her eyes as he paced and shuffled around the small space, figuring he would run out of steam shortly. Only he didn't. He got angrier. Deciding she'd had enough, she fixed him with a look that was both pleading and exasperated. "I know you're pissed and I don't blame you, I would be too, but will you please _calm down_?" she urged. "You're so worked up your chakra is spiking all over the place, which is extremely _un_helpful to our situation."

He paused mid-pace and glared at her, but she knew it was just general anger and not directed at her. "You don't understand," he said. "I mean, you don't know the full story…it's not just about that asshole pretending to be my partner and making my life hell for months."

"Then tell me why you're so upset." It was a gamble to ask him to go further into detail about this, but she knew he wouldn't stop until he got to the root of the problem.

He sighed heavily, and it was a long moment before he answered. "When Sasori was my partner, he always looked down on me, always treated me like a kid, always disregarded my art and everything I did because he didn't like the way I did it. But Tobi, even though he was stupid and obnoxious…he looked up to me, yeah. He thought everything I did was cool. He was like…an annoying kid brother that follows you around and tries to imitate you…I guess. He even called me '_senpai._'"

His expression darkened into a scowl and he started pacing again. "And now I know the entire time…that son of a bitch was _mocking_ me! Do you know how fucking insulting that is? And the worst part is…that stupid bastard kinda grew on me after a while. That day five years ago, I told him to run. I didn't want him to get caught in that explosion…but I found out later that he did. And ever since then I've actually felt _bad_ for killing him!" He shook his head bitterly. "Only Tobi wasn't dead! _Tobi wasn't Tobi! _All these years…that _fucking bastard_—"

In a fit of rage he growled and slammed his fist into the wall of the cave.

Sakura's eyes widened as pieces of sediment broke off under the impact and crumbled down to the rocky floor. That hit was hard enough to break a man's jaw. However, since it wasn't a man's jaw and was in fact a wall of solid stone, the only thing broken was probably Deidara's hand.

She understood why he was so upset. It was Deidara's deep-seated issue of validation and respect again, and on top of that, the guilt of being responsible of the death of someone who had become a companion of sorts. All lies. She would be furious too, and she understood from experience that sometimes you just need to smash something. But smashing your own body wasn't the best way to go about it.

"That was smart," she said dryly.

Deidara glared at her.

She glared right back. "I understand, really, but you're not helping anything by acting like that, and I bet you just fucked up your hand real good too, didn't you? Get over here and let me look at it," she demanded curtly.

He complied, slowly walking over to her like a sullen child about to get smacked for misbehaving. She could see already that his hand was a trembling, bloodied mess. She shook her head exasperatedly and motioned to the spot next to her. "Sit." He did with only a little reluctance, and she purposely didn't look at him as she scooted closer and pulled his hand into her lap to examine it. "Idiot. You've broken two knuckles," she informed him, but there was no real anger in her tone. She felt bad for him, but that didn't stop her from being unsympathetic about his grunts of pain when she rather forcefully reset the bones.

Deidara stared out of the cave entrance into the rain as she worked. She was a little relieved by that, because to feel his eyes on her as she held his hand like this, so close their shoulders were almost touching, might be too much for her. Maybe it affected him too, and that's why he wasn't looking at her.

"Do you think the rain will flood in here?" he asked after a few minutes.

She wondered if he was really curious, or if he was just trying to make simple, unstrained conversation. Either way, she was glad he had finally relaxed. "No. I've sheltered here once before with my teammates, several years ago during the monsoon season. It's fairly high ground. We'll be fine for the night," she answered quietly.

He gave a faint nod, but didn't turn his head again until she was finished and released his hand, and even then he didn't meet her eyes. Her hands felt cold at the loss of contact with him.

He wiped the remnants of blood off on his pants. "Thanks," he muttered.

"You're welcome," she replied softly. She stretched her legs out before her and set her hands in her lap. "You know, before I got into this whole ordeal…I used to love the rain," she said with a soft, ironic huff.

Deidara made a faint sound of dry amusement and leaned his head back against the cave wall, closing his eyes. She was vividly aware of the fact that he hadn't moved away.

"I've been thinking about something."

Deidara cracked one eye open, but otherwise didn't move. "Hm?"

"Hidan…you killed him, didn't you." It wasn't a question.

That got him to open both eyes and fully regard her. His lips curled in a smirk and he nodded. "I did."

"Thought so," she acknowledged quietly.

"I'm surprised you didn't figure it out earlier."

She gave a small shrug. "I've had more important things on my mind." She hadn't really had time to think about it before, but once she had, the pieces fit together easily. After their violent confrontation when Hidan had stormed out, Deidara had left immediately afterward. She had thought at the time that he was going to go blow off steam and calm down, but she realized that, knowing Deidara, she should have known better.

"And he won't come back again?"

Deidara snorted under his breath. "Not unless he can reconstruct himself from ashes scattered on the wind, yeah."

She supposed Deidara, with his long range, speed, and explosive firepower, was the worst possible opponent for Hidan, who had required his enemy's blood for his jutsu and was very slow in attacking. Knowing Deidara had done it in defense of her was painful in hindsight. That was the night he had confessed to love her. "Good," she said quietly. "And…thanks."

"No problem," he murmured.

Night was falling. The rain continued to pour. Even if the invisible presence was gone, the clouds of that jutsu were real, and would continue to empty their burden upon the earth below until the sun or wind broke them apart.

Sakura tried to space out and let her mind run blissfully blank for a little while, but it was impossible sitting so close to him, the space between them filled with things they couldn't or wouldn't say. And so she was acutely aware of it when he shifted slightly in her direction and she sensed that weighted pause in the air that comes just before someone is about to say something important.

"Sakura…"

She didn't need to speak for him to know she was listening, but she turned her head anyway. He wasn't going to look at her, she knew that, but she wanted to see his face. Her heart thumped anxiously.

"I don't hate you," he said tiredly. "You keep implying that, and I know what made you think it, but I just want you to know…that I don't."

Her heart swelled, but she managed to keep the tears at bay. She opened her mouth to respond, but stopped when she realized he wasn't finished.

"What I hate is _this_…this tension between us. And…I don't blame you. You were doing your job, and I know you weren't trying to play me. If I was in your place I would have done the same thing. In fact I probably would have done worse." He sighed. "I know I went off the deep end, and – the thing is – I don't always think clearly when I get angry or upset, and I couldn't hear what you were saying…I couldn't see what I already knew…until after." He paused uncomfortably. "The things I said to you that night…I was just… I didn't mean it. Any of it."

"I know you didn't," she replied softly. "But it still hurt."

His brow creased, almost a wince, and very quietly he said, "I'm sorry."

A single tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. She didn't wipe it away. "I'm sorry too," she said in a small, unsteady voice. "I'm sorry I deceived you for so long. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I got you into this mess." She gave a faint, morose laugh.

Deidara's lips quirked just slightly. "I blame Uchiha for _that _one, not you, yeah."

"I had a big part in it too," she countered. "But…I'm glad we're in this together. Things would be so much worse without you here. This _whole mission_ would have been so much harder without you. I don't know where I would be, or _who_ I would be right now, if not for you, Deidara. You kept me going. I've always wanted to tell you that."

Deidara gave her the faintest of smiles, one that was happy and troubled at the same time. "You're not pissed at me for being such a dick?" he asked hesitantly.

"A little," she admitted. "But I'm glad we're on the same page again. You really know how to give a cold shoulder."

He frowned. "I didn't really mean to, but it was just so hard to talk to you, and even if I wanted to…I didn't think you wanted to be near me."

She blinked in surprise. "Why would you think that?"

"You were afraid of me," he said mutedly, his head bent as though ashamed. "Ever since you came back, you were so hesitant and…wary. Skittish, almost. And I knew it was because of…what I did that night."

Strangled her, with the intent to kill. But he hadn't. He had stopped himself, because he _couldn't_. The confusion of the situation was at fault; it was the natural reaction of a shinobi suddenly faced with an unexpected enemy. But he still couldn't bring himself to harm her. If she _had_ been an enemy, she could have killed him for showing that weakness. She would have done the same thing in his place.

"I was never angry about that, Deidara," she assured. "I was angry that you wouldn't _listen_ to me, and upset that things happened they way they did. Even when I wasn't sure what you might do, it was more caution than fear."

He shook his head slowly, still fixed on the issue. "Those bruises on your neck…" He exhaled heavily and ran his hands over his face. "I wasn't thinking… I didn't mean to—" He looked at her, and his eyes were filled with remorse. "I wouldn't hurt you…you know that, right?"

"Of course I do!" she answered instantly, turning to face him. "We're _shinobi_. The rules are different with us, you know that. You're not a horrible person just because you reacted violently when you had every reason to believe you should. I know you had to have fought with kunoichi before…hell, you've full-contact sparred with me countless times. I don't know where you got this ridiculous notion," she said, smirking faintly at the absurdity of it.

"Sparring is different, and it's not because you're a woman," he argued, "It's because you're – _were_ – my…"

The uncomfortable tension returned at his almost-slip, as it reminded them both how _past-tense_ everything was.

Did it really have to be that way? Sakura didn't want it to be that way, and after coming clean about everything, it seemed like Deidara didn't want it to be that way either. It filled her with renewed hope and fierce determination. Sakura didn't know how to give up on love. Love had always given up on her first, and she had always fought as long and hard as she could. Some might call her a fool for that, but it was her nature to fight for her heart.

She only needed to make him see that.

"The reason I've avoided you since I came back is because being near you is _all_ I've wanted, and I didn't want you to see how hard it's been for me to feel so distanced from you. I didn't want you to see how often I've cried…"

Deidara winced. "It's been hard on me too," he admitted quietly.

Sakura wanted to reach for him now more than ever, but held herself back. It was so fragile; if it wasn't handled right it would shatter and never be recovered. She took a slow, deep breath, and when she spoke her tone was subdued, but expressive, "Deidara…I don't want things to stay like this, with us. I want what we had back again. No, I want it to be _better_…no more secrets. I know we're both still angry, but—"

"I know," he cut in quietly, sighing deeply. "I know. It's just that…I let you in. I trusted you with everything I had, Sakura, and even though I know now that you didn't really betray me…it still fucked me up. I just need…" He trailed off, shaking his head.

He needed time. To trust again. To let down the walls. He needed reassurance, and _proof_. She could give him that. "It's okay," she said softly. "I can wait." She was good at waiting. She had waited half her life for something that never existed. But this was _real_, and she would wait forever if she had to.

Deidara never replied, but the silence that settled between them was comfortable for the first time in what seemed like forever. They listened to the rain, now soft and natural, and after a while Sakura found herself unable to fight sleep any longer. Slowly, she let her head slip to Deidara's shoulder. She felt him still, but he didn't tense or try to move away.

"Is it okay…like this?" she whispered tentatively.

The only answer was the way he relaxed again, but after a moment she felt more than saw his small nod of acceptance. Sakura did her best to stay awake, focusing on the comfort and significance of their small allowed contact. But eventually exhaustion took her, and she fell into a deep sleep.

#

For Deidara, sleep didn't come. Partly because it wasn't entirely safe, and partly because at some time during the night, perhaps out of habit or ingrained familiarity, Sakura shifted her position and curled up with her head in his lap.

He wouldn't deny that he let her, or that it made him happy to have her so close. He ached to hold her in his arms again. He was _so tired_, and he wanted so much to lie down beside her and pull her into him.

But he had been honest when he said it wouldn't be easy to get past everything that happened. It wasn't that he was punishing her, or waiting for her to prove something to him. He was just…unable to get over himself and let go of how much pain he had gone through because of her. His stubborn pride and hidden insecurities prevented him from taking what he wanted more than anything. He was a pathetic fool—there was enough stacked against them already, and he only made it harder with self-imposed obstacles. He hated that part of himself. There was a reason why he had struggled to keep it hidden his entire life.

He watched her sleeping face, and with a quiet sigh allowed himself to bring a hand to her cheek, fingers caressing tenderly as he pushed a strand of pink hair across her temple. He recalled Kisame's final words to them, and the underlying despair they had brought. He'd had a taste of that elusive happiness…and had destroyed it all. He wanted it back. Sakura was all he had in this world, and all of his hopes for a better life than the one he had known now rested with her.

Deidara made a vow to himself, then and there. He couldn't be without her. He _wouldn't_ be without her. If he had to spirit her away to some unknown corner of the earth so they could live peacefully together, he would do it. If he had to swallow his damnable pride for once and make the necessary sacrifices it would take to be with her openly, without shame…he would do it.

The night passed silently and without event. Deidara remained awake, softly stroking the sleeping kunoichi's hair as he thought about what future might lay ahead for them. For the first time since she had run crying into the night, he felt a sense of hope as he waited for the dawn.


	19. Shades of Gray

**Vertigo**

Chapter Nineteen: Shades of Gray

* * *

Sakura awoke at dawn, pulled into awareness by the instinctive knowledge that they needed to move out as early as possible and get a start on another day's running.

Strangely, for the first time in over a week, she felt well rested. She'd spent the night in a cave, sheltering from the rain with no blanket and no fire, and had woken on the cold, rocky floor. Her neck and right arm were stiff and sore from the way she'd lain, and her weapons holster had dug painful depressions into her thigh. Hardly a comfortable night. Yet, despite the minor aches…she felt _well,_ in ways she couldn't really define.

Sakura smiled faintly, recalling her talk with Deidara and the way she'd fallen asleep against him. They weren't the same as before, weren't as carefree and open, but they were moving in a positive direction. Maybe that was the source of her inner contentment: optimism. There were a mountain of odds stacked against them right now, but Sakura had to believe there was a way for them to make it through this—together.

She sat up slowly and rubbed her aching neck as she looked around for Deidara. He was crouched a few feet away, pulling what few rations they had from his pack. He glanced her way when she stirred, and crossed back over to hand her some dried fruit and a protein bar. She thanked him quietly and studied him. He didn't look very good. The miserable surliness of the last several days had receded, but his handsome features remained haggard. "Did you get any sleep?"

He shook his head and sat down with his own meager breakfast, not as close as the night before, but still near enough that she could reach out and touch him if she tried.

"You could have woken me," she said, feeling a little guilty for passing out and leaving him on watch all night.

"It's fine. You were injured yesterday and needed it more anyway," he said dismissively.

Sakura decided not to argue with him about it and focused on straightening out what she could of her sleep-rumpled appearance. By touch alone she could tell her hair was a ratted, chaotic mess, so she removed her hitai-ate and reached into her apron pocket for a hairband and simply pulled it all up into a ponytail, tucking the front sections too short to be tied behind her ears. She was grimy and bloodstained and probably didn't smell great, but there was nothing to be done about that right now.

"Did anything happen during the night?"

He gave her a look. "I would have woken you if it had, yeah."

He was never a morning person; one of the many traits they shared. They tucked into what little food they had. She hadn't eaten anything since that single slice of toast yesterday morning, and after expending good deal of chakra by fighting, healing, and running, she was ravenous. She had no idea of the last time Deidara had eaten, but knew it was over twenty-four hours.

"Where should we go today?" she asked after she'd practically swallowed her protein bar whole.

"It's your country, yeah," he grumbled through a mouthful.

True, but just because she knew her way around didn't mean she had any brilliant ideas. "Well…maybe we should try and figure out what exactly we're going to do before we start wandering around in enemy territory."

Deidara gave her a mild glare, but continued eating without saying anything.

"I know what you're thinking, but there are only two people in Konoha who know about my mission, and unless we happen to run into one of them – which is extremely unlikely – then for the time being this is enemy territory for me too."

A faint shrug was all she got for an answer. She didn't want to pester him about whether he'd considered her idea of returning to Konoha. He needed time to think it over, and she would respect that. He had a tendency to be impulsive and reckless, but with something of this magnitude he needed to really think about it, needed to be _sure_.

"I have an idea," she said after a moment, drawing his gaze. "Like I said, I'm wanted here too, so it's not like I can just stroll up to Konoha's gates and say hello. So I was thinking…we'll get to somewhere safe, somewhere where we can lay low for a while. From there I'll send a message to the Hokage telling her everything. We wait for her reply, and that should give us plenty of time to figure out what we want to do."

The subtext of her words was clear: they would have time for Deidara to figure out an answer to her proposal.

Deidara didn't answer immediately, thinking it over. "How long would it take for the message?" he asked finally.

"Maybe a week, two at most."

He nodded faintly, considering. "The open country is too dangerous so we'd have to stick to towns, preferably large ones so we can blend in with the crowds. How much money do you have?"

"Only what I already had in my pack from our last mission, which is a decent amount. It sucks though…all that dirty money from all those dirty deeds…gone," she grumbled.

Deidara smirked. "See, that's why I don't use banks. That, and because financial institutions are self-interested and corrupt, yeah."

Her eyes widened at his insinuation. "So you have _all_ of your money right now?"

"Not all of it, but most," he said, reaching for his pack. He pulled out a medium sized lockbox, chakra-sealed to only be opened by the owner. In addition to the chakra seal there was a little padlock, smooth and white: an explosive clay tamper seal.

Sakura grinned excitedly. "Why didn't I think of something like that? If I didn't know better I'd think _you_ were the one who always intended to run from Akatsuki."

He gave her that crooked grin she loved. She hadn't seen it in a while, and it made her pulse quicken.

"Maybe I was," he said, a devious glint in his eye. "I never wanted to be there. Maybe I was just waiting for the right time, yeah."

Their gazes held it as the seconds ticked by. In that moment Sakura felt close to him again, like they had been before it all fell apart. But the longer the moment stretched, the more it filled with a sense of progression, like one of them was supposed to _do_ something. What that 'something' might be set her heart fluttering rapidly in anticipation.

But then Deidara looked away, and the moment was broken. "So…which way should we head from here?" He stuffed the lockbox back into his pack and closed it up.

Sakura felt awkward in the aftermath of whatever _that_ had been. "Uh, well…we could keep heading south toward the coast. There isn't a lot of shinobi activity in the southern peninsula."

"Sounds good," he said, and still without looking at her, rose and headed toward the mouth of the cave. "Let's go, then,"

Things were better, but not perfect. Sakura supposed it just needed a little time. _They_ needed time, together, away from all this chaos, to reconnect and patch up those remaining holes. They would get that where they were headed, while they waited for word from Konoha. And so, feeling more optimistic than was probably reasonable or wise, Sakura shouldered her pack and followed Deidara out of the cave.

* * *

Still uneasy about flying, they headed out on foot. They ran south, loosely following the border without getting close enough to attract attention from the patrols. They traveled at an easy and careful pace, conserving their energy just in case, making sure to cover their passage completely.

However after about an hour, a tight knot of unease settled in the pit of Sakura's stomach. The forest had gone quiet, and the air hung heavy with tension.

"We're being followed," Deidara growled under his breath as he came in closer.

"I know," she murmured back. They couldn't see or hear anything, but their instincts were screaming that something wasn't right; they could feel them closing in, no doubt trying to hedge them in on all sides. They quickened their pace.

"You said we weren't close to a patrol route," he grunted irritably.

"We're not. They must have been on their way to something else. This is just a really unpleasant coincidence," she shot back.

"Why aren't they attacking? Think they don't recognize us because we're not wearing the cloaks?"

"No, it's because of me," she explained. "They have standing orders to take me alive."

They could vaguely detect movement now, closing in around them. "These guys aren't normal ANBU, to close in so quickly without us noticing," Deidara remarked under his breath. "They don't act like hunters either."

No, they didn't. They were too good, too fast, too silent. They almost seemed like…the Hokage's personal elites, like the ones that had escorted her across the border the night of her staged defection. Why they would be all the way out here she had no idea, but a sudden spark of hope flared to life in her mind.

"It's risky to fly, but we don't have much choice." He reached for his clay pouch. "Get ready," he warned.

The second his hand touched the pouch at his hip, all hell broke loose. They were suddenly forced back as something – or several somethings – burst up from the ground on all sides and closed them in, moving quickly and fluidly with loud groans and creaks. Sakura's eyes widened in recognition.

Wood.

Thick and sturdy as small trees, the beams had woven around and above and probably below them to form a cage. There was only one person in the world who could do this, and even though they were trapped Sakura nearly sighed in relief.

However Deidara had no idea what she was thinking, and he was already molding clay to blast them out. She turned to him quickly, squaring herself directly in front of him and grasping his shoulders.

"Deidara, wait!" she urged quietly, drawing his wary gaze. She stared back intently, holding him with her eyes as all around them the ANBU dropped from the trees and surrounded their cage. Eight of them. Her grip tightened on his shoulders. "Please, don't fight," she implored.

He looked at her like she'd lost her mind, and his hands did not come out of the clay pouches. Ignoring boundaries, she released his shoulders and took his face in her hands, her eyes beseeching, willing him to trust her. "_Please,_" she repeated, low and urgent. "Please don't fight, Deidara. I can fix this for us, but if you fight I can't do anything to help you. I know the leader. Let me talk to them. I will fix this. I promise. Please trust me."

Every inch of him was on edge, aware of every movement around them, but he didn't look away from her face. He was still staring at her uncertainly when she felt someone come up behind her on the other side of the thick wooden bars. She dropped her hands but took hold of Deidara's wrist in one, squeezing reassuringly and also measuring his every minute shift so that she would know if he was about to do something stupid. She turned around slowly and came face to face with a tall, lanky man wearing a very familiar tiger mask.

"Tenzou-taichou," she addressed evenly. He seemed taken aback by the title, but if she didn't know him so well she wouldn't have recognized any reaction at all.

"Sakura," he replied, his deep voice further muted by his mask. He regarded her tensely. "I'm not really sure what to say to you, to be honest. I never would have thought you could abandon and betray Konoha. I never imagined we would be in a situation like this."

The disappointment with her was clear in his tone. Sakura remained calm. Pleading with her former team leader would get her nowhere. The man she once knew only as Yamato was a rational individual. It would take rationale to get through to him.

"Tenzou, listen," she began, gazing at him steadily, "I know how it must have seemed, hearing about my defection. It didn't make sense, did it? It didn't sit well, because you _know_ me, you've known me for years, and you know I would never turn against Konoha."

"The evidence clearly says otherwise," he said, his head tilting a fraction toward Deidara.

"It's a long story," she said. "I'll explain it all later if I can. But think about it. I know you've probably had some suspicions about this whole situation, haven't you? You have good instincts, and I know you had to have wondered." She cocked her head curiously as their reason for being here dawned on her. "Why is the Hokage's personal ANBU out here running expansive border patrol?"

She could feel his dark eyes studying her through the eyeholes of his mask, and it was a long moment before he replied, "Tsunade-sama said there was information indicating that you might attempt to enter Fire country soon, and we were to intercept you. We've laid chakra-sensor traps all along the southwestern borderline, and the other three squads are covering the other quadrants."

Sakura couldn't help but smile with the wave of relief that information brought. In fact, she laughed a little. "And why do you think that is? Why would she go to so much trouble just to net me? And what about the standing orders to take me alive at any cost, why do you think that is?"

Tenzou suddenly sighed and lifted his mask up, fixing her fully with calculating, dark eyes. "What are you saying, Sakura," he asked suspiciously.

"What is your intuition telling you, Tenzou?" she returned. "You've been ANBU for years, is it really that hard to recognize a black op when you see it?"

His eyes widened slightly, and she could see all the little pieces click together behind them. But there was still some uncertainty there. "And what about him?" He shot a glance at Deidara, who remained tense as a coiled spring.

Sakura looked at her partner. "Deidara came back with me," she said evenly, eyes locked with his, imploring him to go along, still holding his wrist in her hand. "He knows everything." She turned to Tenzou again. "There was a mutiny in Akatsuki. The organization is all but crumbled." Murmurs of surprise could be heard from the other ANBU around them. "I can't explain it all because it's classified information. But the reason we're here now is because we defected and killed one of them and now they're hunting us. I wouldn't have gotten away if not for Deidara," she finished pointedly.

Tenzou regarded them both carefully, and then sighed. "I want to believe you, Sakura. My gut feeling is telling me to believe you. But I can't just take your word for it. I'm sure you understand."

Sakura nodded.

"At any rate," he continued, "our orders are to take you into custody when we find you. Tsunade-sama seemed to have the impression that you wouldn't put up a fight, which I suppose goes along with what you told me. However, she didn't seem to think anyone would be with you," he said flatly, glancing warily at Deidara again, who glared back.

"Like I said, it's a long story," Sakura answered. "We're not resisting, and we don't intend to" – she squeezed Deidara's wrist – "so take us back to Konoha. I have critical information and I need to talk to the Hokage as soon as possible."

Tenzou sighed, and a moment later their wooden prison retreated back into the earth. They were immediately surrounded. Sakura gave Deidara another pleading look as she was grabbed by the arms and pulled away from him. He was grabbed as well, his restraint nearly snapping as he was roughly forced to his knees by two ANBU and shoved into chakra binding handcuffs. The same was done to her, with no less force, but through it all she continued to hold her partner with her gaze. _Trust me_, she tried to project with her eyes, willing him not to fight because if he did there was no saving him.

He seemed to understand, for though he was clearly furious, he never put up a struggle. And then the chakra bindings were locked into place and he couldn't have fought anyway. Once they were both secured they were hauled to their feet and marched to the center of the formation.

Tenzou watched her with a troubled frown, then switched his gaze to Deidara, then back to her. He sighed and set his mask back into place, then ran a hand through his shock of dark hair. He gave the muted order from behind the white mask, and the ANBU squadron headed back to Konoha with their prisoners.

* * *

Deidara woke with a killer headache. He didn't open his eyes just yet, trying to let them adjust as much as possible through his lids. Those harsh fluorescents were killing his light-sensitive left eye. He cracked open the right one and blearily tried to make out his surroundings. Three concrete walls and a fourth made of iron bars greeted him. Of course. Where else would he be after being dragged into an enemy village in handcuffs.

He was unusually sluggish and his head felt fuzzy; he was pretty sure they drugged him at some point. As he slowly adjusted to being awake he tried to piece together what had happened since let himself – actually _let_ himself! – be captured.

The journey to Konoha had been rough. Running all that distance without the use of chakra was incredibly exhausting. Because no chakra meant no enhanced speed, they had to travel at a relatively_ human_ pace and it had taken two days. The night they made camp he and Sakura were given food and water – which was interesting to attempt when your wrists were bound in front of you – and left alone. They were separated at opposite sides of the camp, four ANBU guarding each of them.

The ordeal would have been a lot worse, he knew, if not for Sakura and her ties to the ANBU captain—the one she called Tenzou. He didn't know how they knew each other or what sort of relationship it was – older-brotherly, maybe, but she had called him '_taichou_' so maybe it was more professional or a combination of both – but he could tell pretty easily that the tall captain had a soft spot for Sakura. That night Tenzou had crouched down in front of her where she sat with her back against a tree trunk, legs pulled up to her chest like she always did, her bound wrists resting atop of her knees. They had talked in hushed tones for a good while, and several times they had each cast glances his way. Deidara wondered what she had told him. No one ever said a word to him, which was probably good because it wouldn't have been a pleasant interchange.

Sakura had caught his attention every chance she got, always pleading with him with her eyes, giving him little reassuring smiles that were supposed to make him believe everything would be okay. It helped a little, though not much. He hadn't slept again – there was no way in hell he was trusting anyone – but had watched Sakura as she slept, curled up on her side in the same spot by the tree, reminding himself over and over that he was doing this for her. Perhaps for himself too, though he didn't let himself think too much about that. They set out the next morning and ran all day again, stopping only for water breaks, and reached Konoha sometime in the middle of the night. When they were turned over they had been separated again, and he had been stuck with something that knocked him out cold.

Deidara had no idea what time it was now or how long he'd been out. He'd been pushing past the limits of exhaustion for over a week and he was near collapse, and it was only sheer stubborn willpower that kept him going on the way here. He had his dignity and reputation to keep, and he would be damned if he had to be trussed-up and carried like some pathetic cut-rate captive. He noted that his cuffs had been removed while he was out and replaced with a singular chakra-binding band on his wrist, some near-indestructible alloy by the feel of it. Even if he was willing to risk blowing his hand off to remove it, he didn't have any chakra to do so anyway. On top of that, his hands were bound behind his back to the chair. He sighed and rolled his aching neck. Sleeping upright in a metal folding chair was not something he would ever do again if he could help it. But his comfort was certainly the last thing on anyone's mind around here.

He always thought he would die – go out with a bang – before he let himself get into a situation like this. But he had vowed to himself to try, for Sakura. He'd already come to the conclusion that there was no living without her, not in any real sense, so what did it matter where he ended up and what happened to him when he got there.

However, his passive stance was wearing thin at this point. The ANBU who brought them in hadn't exactly been gentle, but were far more professional in their handling of prisoners than the ones who took them when they were turned over at this holding facility. What part of _nonresistant_ didn't they understand? Several times he was seriously tempted to illustrate the difference. They were lucky they wore masks, otherwise he would make sure to remember their faces and pay them back accordingly. Especially after the way they had manhandled Sakura.

What was happening to her right this moment? He doubted she was traipsing around the village free as a bird, not after the way he'd seen her treated by her own people. They had been taken to separate ends of the facility, but just before she was dragged off he'd seen how she was shoved around, grabbed too roughly to the point that she winced in pain, and was called things she would have busted heads for if she was able. Her cover really had been airtight, because her own people were treating her like the most despicable of traitors. And it really, _really_ pissed him off.

It looked like he was about to have the chance to voice his opinions, because there were footsteps approaching his cell. Several pairs, and strangely, one – maybe two – sounded like women's high heels clacking on the concrete floor.

His suspicions were confirmed as they appeared in front of his cell and stopped, turning to face him. Four ANBU – the same ones who brought them in, including the captain, Tenzou – and two women. Both were kunoichi by the feline grace with which they moved, even with the noisy and impractical footwear. One had short black hair and dark eyes, attractive in the same way as Sakura – with a fresh exotic face and intelligent eyes – though not as beautiful as his pink haired kunoichi. The other was striking as well, in a more classic way, petite and voluptuous – to put it mildly – with long blonde hair and piercing amber eyes. She appeared to be only a handful of years older than the taller woman, but he knew right away that she couldn't be as young as she looked. This woman radiated power and intimidation. He knew he was looking at the legendary Sannin and current Hokage, Sakura's shishou, Tsunade.

He glared at them all. The fierce woman assessed him for several moments before finally addressing him.

"Deidara of Akatsuki," her strong, deep but feminine voice called out.

"_Formerly_ of Akatsuki," he corrected curtly, holding her penetrating gaze unflinchingly.

One corner of her red lips quirked. "So I've heard. Would you care to elaborate on that?"

"Not really."

Just then a surly man in a trench coat appeared and let himself into the cell. He relocked the door and then leaned against the wall with arms crossed, glaring at him. There were multiple scars on his face and his eyes were cold and sadistic. Deidara knew with one look that this man was as hard and ruthless as any missing-nin.

He purposely turned away from him. "Where is Sakura?" he demanded of the Hokage.

"Sakura is not what you should be worried about right now," she said sternly.

Deidara ignored her words. "What have you done to her?"

The Hokage's eyes widened slightly, bemused. "_Done_ to her?"

His eyes narrowed dangerously. "You better not have hurt her, old hag."

The Hokage scowled, and for one second he thought he might be about to see some of that legendary brute power she'd imparted to Sakura. They certainly had the same temper. He almost smirked.

"Watch your mouth, you little shit! Sakura is my own apprentice and a shinobi of this village. Why would we hurt one of our own?"

"You threw her in here, didn't you? Your goons are shoving her around and flinging nasty insults at her. How is that any way to treat one of your own, hm?" he demanded hotly.

She hadn't known that; he could see it for a split second in her amber eyes. "Sakura is fine. She's being released, which is more than I can say for you. You better play nice or things will get real ugly for you," she warned.

Deidara sneered. "I don't give a shit what you do to me. But if you do anything to hurt Sakura I fucking swear I'll—"

He sensed it coming, but couldn't dodge the heavy fist that slammed into his face. It was delivered by a man who undoubtedly did this for a living, and he reeled from it a moment before spitting a trace of blood and turning to glare hatefully first at the big man who did it, then at the Hokage.

She glared back at him coldly, but her eyes held an intensity that he couldn't quite place. It almost seemed like curiosity. She glanced at the brute who hit him, who had returned to his spot against the wall, and gave a short nod. Silently, the man straightened and left the cell, but not before casting him a hard sidelong glance.

"This conversation isn't finished, brat," the Hokage said brusquely. Then she turned on her heel and stomped away, her entourage following after.

#

Once they were down the hall and away from the holding cell, Tsunade exhaled a heavy sigh. The ache in her temples had tripled. "You four are dismissed," she barked at the ANBU, and they silently fell back. "Tenzou," she called in afterthought, and the tall man stepped into pace with her. "Round up Kakashi and Sai and be in my office in one hour."

"Yes, Hokage-sama," he replied, then fell back to join the rest of his squad.

Tsunade had a bone to pick with Tenzou and he knew it, hence his hasty retreat. What he'd reported to her had been surprising to say the least. But she knew there was something he hadn't told her, something he'd witnessed or something Sakura told him in confidence that he was protecting. If the people she surrounded herself with weren't so infallibly loyal and competent, she would hang them out to dry for all theit constant minor defiances. However, after that little chat with Deidara, she had an idea what that secret might be.

She walked on with Shizune, back toward the Hokage tower and her office. Her mind churned with what information she'd been given by Tenzou and most disturbingly, what she'd witnessed in that holding cell with the Akatsuki. _Former_ Akatsuki, as he so rudely put it. The cocky little bastard clearly had no sense of self-preservation, but the fact that his only concern seemed to be Sakura's wellbeing was information she didn't quite know what to do with. Aside from his attitude, his passive behavior so far was also unexpected. She knew Sakura wouldn't put up any resistance, but the fact that _he_ had also allowed himself to be taken captive without any struggle had been baffling. Until now.

"Shizune."

Her first apprentice and assistant looked at her intently. "Yes?"

"Naruto should be in the building somewhere. Track him down and send him to Sakura before he has a fit, but tell him I need to speak with her immediately and to bring her to my office. This situation just got a hell of a lot more complicated."

"How so?" Shizune asked anxiously.

It was days like this Tsunade hated being responsible for an entire village of people. "Because," she sighed, "that boy is in love with her."

* * *

_I really need to stop making plans_, Sakura thought, as she stared at the bars of her cell waiting for someone to come and talk to her. Because every time she made plans or thought she had things figured out, something unexpected happened and it all went out the window. Hence her current situation.

The maximum security detention facility was subterranean, and she was wearing only her shorts and sleeveless shirt. Everything else had been taken, including her medic's apron, so there was only a thin layer of lycra between her rear and the cold metal of her chair. She was freezing, but stubbornly refused to show her discomfort by rubbing the goosebumps on her arms and thighs. Was it terrible of her to wish for her thick, insulated Akatsuki cloak right about now?

She thought of Deidara for the umpteenth time, wondered if he was okay. The choice to return to Konoha with her had been ripped from him now, and she was worried. Making Deidara feel cornered was a surefire path to disaster. She wished she could see him and reassure him that the past several hours in custody here didn't really indicate what their futures held. She knew he had to have been treated worse in here than she had, and she was worried about how he would handle it.

And if she ever learned the identity of the asshole who roughly groped her boobs during the weapons frisk she would break his arms.

She was still seething about it when she heard footsteps and recognized a chakra signature that made her heart swell and her eyes water. Naruto walked past the barred front of her cell. Without stopping he gave a commanding nod to the ANBU stationed outside her cell door and the masked nin quickly stepped forward and unlocked it for him. She heard him mutter "leave us" as he strode past, and the guard hesitated only a moment before doing so. Sakura would have wondered about the interchange but the only thought in her mind at the moment was '_Naruto!_'

"Naruto!" she echoed aloud, already on her feet as he entered the cell. "Naruto, I'm so sorry about everything, I never meant to hurt you—"

She cut off with a small gasp as she was instantly pulled into a tight embrace.

"Shh," he murmured next to her ear, "Don't apologize for anything, Sakura-chan. I'm so glad you're home and safe. I was so worried about you."

A few tears leaked out as she held him tightly. They stayed that way for a long moment, before Sakura pulled back a little, resting her hands on his shoulders as his held her arms, and looked up at him with confused eyes. "How are you not mad at me? I was so sure you hated me, especially after that day…you have every reason to—"

"Baa-chan told me everything," he cut in. He gave her a bright smile. "But even before I knew the truth I didn't hate you. I could never hate you, Sakura. You're my best friend."

Sakura wiped at her eyes. "Thank you, Naruto."

Naruto chuckled. "Hey, I didn't do anything." He shook his head in awe. "You're so brave, to go through all that. _I_ should be thanking _you_."

Her smile softened a little. "It was hard…but it could have been a lot worse." She looked him over, and something occurred to her: "You got taller," she observed mirthfully, and almost started to cry again. She had missed so much.

Naruto laughed a little and studied her face. His brow furrowed. "You look like crap, Sakura-chan," he informed bluntly.

Sakura scoffed and shoved him a little. "Thanks a lot."

"Here, sit back down," he ordered, pushing on her shoulders until she complied. He knelt before her and took both her hands in his, frowning at how icy cold they were. "Seriously. What the hell did those Akatsuki bastards do to you?"

Sakura shook her head wearily. "Nothing, Naruto. I've just been under a lot of stress the past couple weeks." She sighed. Her mission wasn't the problem. She had been perfectly fine and healthy until a week ago when her heart had been ripped out.

"Are you sure?" he asked worriedly.

She gave him a fleeting smile. "Yes."

"You would tell me, right?"

"Yes," she replied a little more hesitantly, knowing it was only a half-truth, but she didn't want to hurt his feelings or make him pry further.

Blue eyes searched hers a moment, and then he grinned brightly. "I'm so glad you're okay," he said again, giving her hands a squeeze. "You're hands are freezing. I know these jerks in here probably aren't treating you very nice," he grumbled.

He rubbed her hands between his own, and Sakura almost sighed at their warmth against her chilled skin. Naruto's body temperature always ran a little higher than normal, and right now she was glad of that. "It could be worse." She thought of Deidara again, and frowned worriedly.

"We need to get you out of here and back in the mix. There's so much to fill you in on!" he exclaimed, finally releasing her significantly warmer hands.

"I'm surprised they let you see me."

Naruto gave a short laugh, almost smug. "How are they gonna stop me? I'm the next Hokage, after all."

There was something about the way he said it that was different from all the times before. It wasn't the ambitious boasting she'd heard so often growing up with him. He sounded concrete and assertive. Her eyes widened as she stared at him. "Naruto…_seriously_?"

He was beaming at her now, that bright sunny grin that inspired everyone around him. "Seriously. It's been officially announced. I've started my '_grooming_' already." He rolled his eyes on the word.

Sakura had to laugh. "When did this happen?"

"Few months ago. The old lady needed a reason to convince me to stay in the village and not go out searching for you," he said with a shrug.

"I'm so happy for you, Naruto. I always knew this would happen one day. I can't think of anyone more deserving, or that I would want as a Hokage more than you." She drew him into another hug.

He returned it gladly. "Thanks. And I can't think of anyone I'd want on my council more than you. And Kakashi-sensei," he added as an afterthought.

Sakura laughed and sat back. "That's getting a little ahead of things, don't you think? First I need to get my standing fixed and get out of here."

Naruto sighed ruefully. "I know. It sucks. I wish you could be released right away, but it's going to take a little longer to straighten it all out on record. There's a lot of paperwork and crap to do."

Sakura smirked wryly. "How bureaucratic of you."

Naruto grinned at her jibe. "I know. Blame it on my _'grooming.'_ Hell, I didn't even know what that word _meant_ until a couple weeks ago. Baa-chan says I need to learn diplomacy and administrative junk in order to be Hokage."

Sakura slumped a little in her chair. "Tsunade-shishou…I've been waiting for her to come and see me," she muttered glumly, disappointed.

"She wants to, but she's been held up in meetings with the elders all night trying to sort this out. They're pissed she did everything without telling them, and they're being bitches bout letting you off the hook. It's not even about _you_…they seem to think it's okay for a shinobi on deep cover like you to be sacrificed and left as a missing-nin indefinitely," he grumbled, frowning.

"I'm sure they do," she murmured darkly, remembering what had been done to Itachi by those same elders.

"But don't worry; they can't overrule the Hokage on this one," he assured, giving her another smile. "They finally stopped trying to fight her on it a couple hours ago. She's probably getting drunk right about now. I don't blame her."

Sakura straightened intently. "I have extremely important information to give her. Can you bring her here, or better yet take me to see her?"

Naruto nodded, getting to his feet. "I can. In fact, I'm supposed to. There's so much I want to talk to you about, Sakura…but I guess we'll have plenty of time for that later."

Something in his tone gave her pause, something reserved and not very pleased. She had a fairly good guess as to what – or who – that reticence might be about. Of course, she knew this would come. She had a lot of explaining to do.

"Where are Kakashi and Sai?" she asked as she stood.

"They didn't have immediate clearance like me," he explained apologetically. "But I'm sure they'll be waiting in Baa-chan's office for us."

Sakura smiled in anticipation and followed closely after Naruto as he crossed to the cell door. "Is this thing really still necessary?" she asked, frowning at the chakra bracelet on her wrist.

He followed her gaze and the rueful smile appeared again. "Sorry, Sakura-chan. For now," he said softly.

Sakura sighed and nodded resignedly, and let him take hold of her arm as they left the cell and headed for the Hokage's office.

* * *

As Naruto predicted, when they reached the Hokage's office their teammates were waiting. It had been so long since Sakura had seen their faces, and their eyes were filled with relief and happiness. She practically ran to them and pulled them into joyful hugs.

"Welcome home, Sakura. I'm very proud of you," her team leader said quietly.

She grinned happily. "Thank you, Sensei. I'm glad to be home."

Shizune hugged her next. "I'm so glad you're okay, Sakura, I was so worried about you."

"I'm fine," she assured lightly.

Tenzou nodded affectionately at her from across the room and she smiled at him. And then she turned and faced her mentor and teacher. Tsunade's amber eyes shone with unshed tears, her expression so incredibly prideful that Sakura felt herself blush.

"Sakura!" was all she said, and quickly pulled her into a near-crushing embrace. Several moments passed before Tsunade released her and stepped back, her hands still grasping her arms, and smiled brightly. "I knew you could do it, Sakura. You went above and beyond my expectations, which were very high to begin with. You're a hero, and soon everyone else will know it." She returned to her desk and sat. "I've already signed all the paperwork to expunge your record of criminal charges and reinstate your former status as senior medic and jounin— though now you will be listed with the s-rank you deserve."

Sakura smiled obligingly. She was happy to have her status back, but honestly after working every day with many s-class shinobi for nearly a year, such a thing didn't mean much to her anymore. "What about the other villages?" she asked.

The Hokage waved dismissively. "They will be informed immediately. You'll most likely stay in the Bingo books, but you would have ended up there anyway, so it's no real matter. At least you won't be listed as missing-nin and Akatsuki anymore."

_Well, at least there's that_, she thought dryly.

Tsunade steepled her fingers before her on the desk and her expression sobered. "I need to hear your report. Needless to say, your messages have been very alarming, and Tenzou has told me disturbing things as well about why you suddenly came back."

Sakura nodded and inhaled deeply. Then she began, explaining how she'd ended up wandering through Fire country two days ago. She talked about the sedition in Akatsuki and what was at its core, how it was spearheaded by Itachi in his drive to kill Madara, and how he had recruited her and other members to his cause. She didn't mention the personal revelations; that would come later for the Hokage's ears alone. She explained how their plans were abruptly terminated when Itachi disappeared. She didn't say "killed" because at this point she didn't really believe he was dead, and reminded herself to bring that subject up later. She explained how the mutiny had pretty much happened anyway once a few learned the truth and chose sides, about how they were forced to flee once Madara learned of their involvement with Itachi, and how she and Deidara and Kisame had killed Zetsu in the escape. She talked for almost an hour and when she'd finished, the room was silent and heavy with the weight of her revelations.

"So then…Akatsuki is pretty much finished," Naruto said, exhaling heavily as he ran a hand through his unruly hair, his expression showing a sort of bewildered relief.

"Not entirely," Sakura said. "More like a long-term hiatus. There are only three members left now, but those three are the very top of the infrastructure. As long as they are still able – especially Madara – Akatsuki will be rebuilt. The members will be replaced. And then they will keep coming until they have what they want."

"The fact that Uchiha Madara is alive and plotting the destruction of Konoha…we can't just let that go. We have to hunt him down and eliminate him!" Shizune added fiercely.

"And we will," Tsunade replied sternly. "But it will take a lot of time and effort. He's been hiding for decades."

"You said he still doesn't know you were a spy, right?" Kakashi asked Sakura.

She nodded. "That's right."

The Copy Ninja frowned thoughtfully. "Then he won't know you returned here. That gives us an advantage."

"That's true," the Hokage said. "We have some time do deal figure out a plan of action. Right now…" she leveled her gaze on her apprentice, "I need to talk to Sakura privately."

A knot formed in Sakura's stomach at the grave tone. Everyone cast anxious stares her way as they filed out of the room.

"Naruto, you stay," Tsunade said.

Naruto hadn't even budged. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his expression held a hint of accusation and disbelief.

Sakura suddenly knew what this was about, and took a deep, steadying breath as she waited for it.

"Well, Sakura...based on the news you sent I figured you would try to come back soon…but I assumed you'd be coming alone. Imagine my surprise to find you've brought along a stray," Tsunade said somberly.

"And a total fucking whacko, at that," Naruto growled under his breath.

Sakura glared at him. He glared right back. It was hard to have him upset with her, but he was wrong in his thinking and she would stand her ground. She looked to Tsunade again. "Deidara was my partner in Akatsuki, and he knows everything about me. I only escaped from Rain thanks to him," she replied firmly.

"I think you had better explain this very carefully," the Hokage said.

So she explained it all from the very beginning, things Deidara would never offer on his own, even to save himself. She explained how he had been forced into Akatsuki under a 'join or die' ultimatum and that he didn't agree with their goal, and how he had supported her when she began to reveal her revulsion for the organization and the things she did for them. She explained how they had begun to trust each other, had become real friends, and that she had begun to form ideas for helping him however she could once Akatsuki was brought down.

"And how exactly did you plan to do that?" Tsunade wondered flatly.

"I don't know, honestly. It never came to that. But I knew I had to do _something_ to help him because he'd done too much for me to just sell him out in the end."

"So you actually separate him from the rest of them, like he's _so much_ better," Naruto scoffed, clearly unbelieving.

"There's a lot that went on in that organization that you don't know about, and some of them that were a lot different than you would think. We would be here all night if I explained it."

"Oh we _will_ be, because you're _going_ to," Tsunade said sharply.

Naruto's vision was tunneled and he only cared about one thing. "He killed Gaara, did you forget that?"

"He didn't kill him, Naruto. He was following orders and jinchuuriki need to be captured _alive_, you know that."

"So! He still participated in the extraction that killed our friend!"

"I participated in an extraction too!" she snapped. "It's _do or die_ in Akatsuki, do you even understand that? If you're going to judge him for it then judge me the same!"

He gaped at her a moment before shouting, "Your circumstances are different!"

Sakura scoffed coldly. "You know what that's called, Naruto? _Hypocrisy_."

Naruto's mouth snapped shut, and he fumed at her a long moment before turning away to glare out the large windows.

"Enough, both of you!" Tsunade snapped, glaring at them each in turn. "Naruto you keep your head or you leave. Sakura, keep talking."

Sakura took a deep breath and pushed down her anger. She was fighting for Deidara. To keep him alive. To keep them together. She had to do it right.

"When Itachi came to me with his plan for dissention I knew Deidara would be all in, because even though he hated Itachi, he hated being chained to Akatsuki more. But I didn't get the chance to tell him." She frowned a little as she remembered that horrible night. "I guess because I trusted him so much I wasn't paying enough attention one night…and he caught me sending my last message. He was furious…but not because I was a spy, rather because I hadn't told him sooner and because I had lied to him. He trusted me and he thought I had betrayed not Akatsuki…but _him_. Even so, he never said a word about it to anyone. The fact that you received the message is proof. He didn't try to stop me sending it. We continued being partners, though things have been…strained, between us. But when we learned Madara wanted us dead there was no hesitation in escaping together. He saved my life; I wouldn't have gotten away without his help. He saved it again the same day when we fought and killed Zetsu. He also killed Hidan, by the way, because Hidan was planning to kill me if he got the chance. There's a lot about Deidara that would surprise you, though I doubt he would ever offer any of that information himself."

She looked at Naruto. He still had his back to her, but he was easy to read and his shoulders were hunched in his 'troubled' pose. She sighed inwardly. At least she knew he was thinking about it now.

"You aren't exaggerating about _that_, I know," Tsunade remarked dryly. "I had a little _chat_ with him earlier."

Her eyes widened slightly. "Did he talk? I mean, was he cooperative?"

The Hokage snorted. "If you know him as well as you say you do then you should already know the answer to that."

Sakura slumped a little. "I'm not surprised. He's not very forthcoming with people he doesn't know or trust. I asked him to come back with me willingly and he was honestly thinking about it…but then we ran into Tenzou and the choice was kind of pulled out from under us."

Tsunade regarded her intently. "He didn't say much, but from what he _did_ say I was able to gather some very…_interesting_ information." She exhaled slowly, her expression grave. "Sakura, I know this is a personal invasion, but given the circumstances…as the Hokage I have to ask you…have you been physically intimate with Deidara?"

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Naruto stiffen, though he remained facing the window. Sakura did not balk at the question, though she did wonder what Deidara had said or done to give this away. She met the Hokage's gaze and held it unwaveringly. She had made her decision to stick by her heart no matter the consequences, and she would. "Yes," she answered evenly.

There was a long moment of weighted silence. Naruto's chakra spiked angrily. Whatever leeway he may have been willing to concede about Deidara had just vanished.

"Are you still?"

Sakura looked down at the ground. "We…had a falling out…after he learned I was a spy. But we were moving past it, and I believe…I had _hoped_…"

"That you would be again," Tsunade finished.

Sakura gave a faint nod. "Yes."

The Hokage's amber eyes sharpened intently. "If such a thing matters to you, would I be correct in assuming that you were more than casual bedfellows?"

"…Yes."

"Are you in love with him?"

Sakura looked up and met her gaze again, her chin lifting boldly. Her voice was proud and firm as she replied, "Yes."

Another heavy silence followed, punctuated harshly by Naruto's muted sound of revulsion.

"And does he love you as well?" Tsunade asked after a long, tense moment.

Sakura blinked hesitantly, her brow creasing. That _was_ the question, wasn't it? He _had_, but did he still? Regardless of her troubled thoughts, her answer was clear and even. "He told me he did. I believed him."

Naruto huffed angrily and ran his hands over his face to fist in his hair. He finally turned around to glare at her, his eyes bright with frustrated anger. Sakura didn't look at him.

Tsunade was watching her carefully, calculating and appraising in a way that made Sakura very anxious. "I always knew you were too compassionate for your own damn good, but this is going a little far, don't you think?"

"It has nothing to do with compassion, Shishou," she corrected steadfastly. "I'm not doing this because I feel sorry for him. My feelings for Deidara are _real_, tested and proven by everything we've been through together. You have no idea what it was like for me…" She trailed off quietly, but there was defiance in her eyes.

"I see." Tsunade sighed, shaking her head. "What am I going to do about you, Sakura," she asked wearily, in the exasperated manner of a long-suffering parent.

Sakura gave a fleeting smirk. "You should trust me, Shishou."

Tsunade just raised a brow at her.

Naruto had apparently had enough, for he threw his hands up with a scoff and a disgusted look at both of them and stormed out of the room.

Sakura started, eyes widening in alarm. "Where are you going? _Naruto!_" But he was already gone, the door slamming behind him.

"He's not going where you think he is," Tsunade assured calmly. "I think he just needs to let it all sink in. You're a little different than you were before you left, Sakura."

Sakura faced the Hokage, her expression cynical. "Did you really expect me not to be?"

"Of course not." She nodded toward the chair before her desk. "Take a seat," she ordered gently.

Sakura complied, seating herself across from her mentor. She was still wary about Naruto doing something stupid like confronting Deidara, but she knew chasing him down and going off on him would only make things worse.

"Now," Tsunade continued quietly, "I want you to finish your story. I think I understand your reasons for all of this. Talk to me not as your Hokage, but as your mentor and as a…maternal figure. If you want me to trust you, then I want _you_ to trust _me_…and tell me what you wouldn't say with Naruto here."

Sakura stared at her with slightly widened eyes. Her shishou knew her so well, and in that moment she was incredibly grateful to have her. She smiled a little, took a deep breath, and began to tell the story of her relationship with Deidara.


	20. My Fall Will Be For You

**Vertigo**

Chapter Twenty: My Fall Will Be For You

* * *

If Sakura was capable of breathing fire she just might do it, she was so enraged. If she could get away with beating every single member of ANBU on duty in HQ last night within an inch of their lives, she would _definitely_ do it.

Tsunade was nearly as furious, for similar yet different reasons. This was a slap in the face to her authority, a contemptible breach of protocol and conduct. Sakura felt sadistic satisfaction, knowing Tsunade wouldn't let this go. Sakura may not have access to the information yet, but the Hokage _did_, and she would deal with it harshly.

The two petite women stormed down the hallway of the subterranean detention facility like two forces of nature, Shizune hurrying after and a reluctant and very sulky Naruto trailing some distance behind. Everyone who saw them coming scrambled to get out of the way of the terrifying Hokage and her ferocious apprentice.

Sakura had talked to Tsunade late into the night, relating nearly everything about her relationship with Deidara, revealing emotional details that her mentor had been correct in guessing she wouldn't have said in front of Naruto. He wasn't speaking to her now. It upset her to be on such rocky ground with her best friend, especially so soon after reuniting, but Sakura didn't care how many sullen glares he sent her way. She wasn't going to deal with him until he stopped being so pigheaded.

After her talk with Tsunade, the chakra bracelet had been removed from her wrist and she was officially a free woman. It didn't make her happy, really, because Deidara was still in far a worse predicament. But it was a relief to know that with her reputation cleared she could now put her improved influence to work saving him.

Her apartment having long since been re-rented and her possessions moved to a storage unit, Sakura had spent the night in one of the guest rooms in the Hokage tower used for foreign emissaries. The posh furnishings had only irritated her, reminding her that Deidara was locked in a cold concrete cell deep underground. She'd taken the longest, most grateful shower ever, and when she came out she found that her confiscated belongings had been sent over from the prison. What surprised her was that Deidara's belongings had been sent over too, entrusted into her care. Including his clay pouches, though they had undoubtedly taken a sample for study. Utterly exhausted, she had gone straight to bed after that. However, she had only been asleep a few hours when she was woken hastily by two ANBU and escorted to the Hokage's office.

And that was where she learned that sometime in the middle of the night, several of the ANBU on duty had decided to have a little fun and jumped Deidara in his cell.

It wasn't the first time it had happened, Tsunade informed her. It wasn't unheard of in ANBU's history that new recruits – young punks with something to prove, full of testosterone and cockiness – decided to display their dominance over a captive notorious criminal.

It was a display of weakness and fear, not dominance, and Sakura had raged about it loudly for all to hear. Attacking a man who was shackled, without chakra, and completely unable to defend himself was one of the most gutless, lowbrow things she'd ever heard of. The fact that they had done it in a group was even more disgustingly pathetic.

Regardless of how harshly the Hokage dealt with them, when Sakura discovered the identities of the assailants – and she _would_ – she would have a little fun herself.

Underneath her fury she was worried about how this would affect Deidara's mindset—his resolve to remain nonresistant and attempt a better outcome than the standard death-sentence he qualified for. Deidara had a nasty temper, and held grudges like no other. Had this wounded his pride so much that he couldn't see past it? He'd admitted himself that he didn't see or think clearly when angry; would he snap and decide he would rather die than work out a deal with Konoha? What would she have to say or do to convince him otherwise?

_Whatever it takes_, she vowed to herself.

They rounded the last corner and walked the final distance to a cell unlike the rest in the maximum security sector. There were chakra seals all over the walls, floor and ceiling that spilled out into the hallway. The door was triple locked with bolts as thick as her wrist. The faint thrumming of the bars indicated they were electrified. This was where they kept the most dangerous criminals.

Morino Ibiki was waiting for them in all his hulking, sadistic ominousness. But the ANBU commander wasn't as intimidating as Sakura remembered, probably due to the company she had been keeping lately. Was she simply jaded to scary people, or was the suspicion that she outmatched him now what made her so undaunted? It was probably both. He cast a distrustful glance at her, but there was grudging respect in his hard, dark eyes.

"How many were there?" Tsunade asked sharply as they drew to a stop in front of the cell.

"Five, Hokage-sama," Ibiki replied gruffly. He was clearly angry, for the incident showed a lack of control over his subordinates.

Sakura was barely listening to them. She stared into the cell, lips tight with fury, sickened and appalled at what had been done to the man she loved.

Deidara sat in a metal chair in the center of the room; ragged, shoulders slumped, hair in his face. He was upright and conscious, at least, though that could just be because his arms were tied to the back of the chair. Even from this distance she could see the many bruises and scrapes on his arms and face, even a few shallow cuts.

He knew there were people present, but without the use of his chakra he couldn't sense her, so when he raised his head he was momentarily shocked to see her. His eyes locked onto hers, and the rapidly shifting emotions crossing his expression in that brief moment sent a physical jolt through her, stopping her breath. Relief, happiness, longing, sadness, anger…shame.

Her eyes burned.

Tsunade was looking now too, her beautiful face marred by the same scowl Sakura wore, the same promise of retribution, though it lacked the emotional origin. "I want names, Ibiki," she said in a low, dangerous tone.

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

"And I want them pulled from duty until I can devise a proper remediation for such a cowardly act."

Sakura smirked at her mentor's dark inflection of the word '_remediation._' She cast a fleeting glance at Naruto. He looked disgusted as well, though still rather unsympathetic. He met her gaze but quickly looked away, muttering something under his breath.

"Of course," Ibiki said. "In addition, I will administer discipline of my own, if I may. This is not how I train my men."

"That's fine. I want their files on my desk before noon."

"I'll see to it myself."

"Open the door and then you can go, Ibiki."

The large man hesitated. "I'm not sure that's—"

"Now." The Hokage's quiet command allowed no argument.

Ibiki hesitated a moment longer, clearly disgruntled, but then he did as ordered, using his master key to unlock the cell and slide the heavy bolts. With a final irritated glance at them all he turned and walked away into the bowels of the facility.

"Sakura."

Sakura's attention had returned to Deidara, though he was now staring at the floor, unable to meet her gaze. She started a little at the sound of her name, and turned her eyes to the Hokage.

Tsunade's amber eyes reflected gentle understanding. "Go in and tend to him," she said quietly, "but for the time being only heal the worst of it."

"What! Why?"

"You know why," she said. "The council will be easier to persuade if they feel he is as little threat to the village as possible."

Sakura scoffed disdainfully. "If that's the case I wouldn't be surprised if they _ordered_ this."

"Homura and Koharu have no influence over ANBU." Tsunade frowned, her contempt clear. "I'll get to the root of the problem; you just worry about your end of it."

The subtext: _make sure he doesn't ruin his chances_. She nodded that she understood, took a deep breath, and entered the cell. She approached him slowly and his state became more apparent, stark and vivid under the harsh florescent lights. There was dried blood under his nose, flaking away. Dark, angry scabs marred his lips where they were split in three places; one on the upper, two on the lower, dried blood smearing down his chin from the worst of them. His tangled hair was angled away from his face enough that she could see both eyes were blackened, the left one so badly bruised it had nearly swollen shut. There was blood in the pale hair at his temple, so she knew there was a pretty nasty cut under there.

Sakura reached out slowly and touched his cheek, her thumb smoothing tenderly just under a rough scrape across his cheekbone, noting a matching mark at his temple. Like he had been slammed face first into the wall. He flinched at her touch, his jaw clenched tightly. Her insides burned with rage and her eyes pricked again; pain at his pain. She trailed her fingertips down to his jaw, avoiding the bruising there, and gently applied pressure so that he would look at her. His head lifted. His eyes did not.

"I'm so sorry this happened," she murmured, her voice catching. "They will pay for it, I can promise you that. This isn't Konoha's way."

Deidara snorted faintly, an unspoken 'yeah, right.'

"Really," she insisted, moving behind him to cut the wires and free his hands. "If you were going to be tortured Ibiki would have done it himself. You heard what they just said. This won't go unpunished." A few of his fingers were broken. She felt like punching through the wall.

The wires fell free and he brought his hands around in front of him with a slight grimace, began to rub the circulation back into them with the fingers he could still use. Sakura kneeled next to him and took his hand in hers. He grit his teeth but made no sound as she carefully reset the bones. When her chakra began to flow, soothing and healing, he relaxed a little. He watched her actions but still wouldn't look at her face.

"Deidara…" She hesitated—what could she say to him? Forget about it? Take it lying down? His pride would never allow that, and she wouldn't ask it of him. "I'm not saying let this go," she continued carefully. He scowled angrily, and she discreetly rubbed the back of his hand with her thumbs as she worked. "But please…don't let this get in the way of why we're here, of what we want." She dipped her head a little to try and catch his eye. He wouldn't. "Deidara…I need you to stay focused with me in this…I can't do it all by myself. Don't let anger take you away from me. If you give up…" Her throat tightened. "If you give up, what Kisame said to us will never be possible."

'_Happily-ever-afters don't come often in our world…maybe you two will be lucky enough to get one.'_

Deidara flinched, and for one second his undamaged fingers tightened around hers. Sakura knew she had struck the right key. "Please…do this for me," she whispered.

He went very still then, and finally met her eyes. She could see the conflict raging in him, could see him struggling with himself. But there was a spark of fierce resolve in those blue depths that put her fears to rest. Hope had won the battle over pride.

He sighed long and slow, and closed his eyes as he nodded faintly.

Sakura smiled. "I promise everything will be okay." She squeezed his nearly healed hands. "_We'll_ be okay."

#

From the other side of the steel bars, an audience watched the couple interact, unnoticed and unimportant in their private world.

"Look at them, Naruto," Tsunade said quietly to the sullen young man at her elbow. "What do you see?"

"I see that Sakura is too kind for her own good, and now she's lost her damn mind," he muttered sourly.

She smiled wryly. "Has she? Maybe you should pay closer attention." Quiet as her words were there was an order in there, and Naruto huffed irritably before turning to glare at the two in the cell once more.

Sakura had finished healing Deidara's fingers and moved on, carefully checking him over and healing the worst of his injuries. She gingerly swept his hair aside and found a deep cut across his eyebrow, not a slice from a blade but a split from an impact, likely a knee. She worked on it until it was completely gone. A gentle inspection of his upper body revealed three broken ribs, and she lifted his ruined shirt upward and hissed softly at the black and blue splotches all across his torso. Deidara endured it with only a grimace and a few hisses of pain as she set them and bound them tightly with bandages.

Tsunade had been around long enough to recognize that Deidara was a brash, egotistical young man with more than a few hidden insecurities, and it amazed her that Sakura could still reach him after such a blow to his pride. It was almost unnatural, the effect her spirited apprentice had on this boy.

Now she watched them with muted wonder. Younger, less wise eyes may have missed it, but Tsunade was neither young nor inexperienced. It was all very subtle, nothing overt was displayed, but it was clear regardless. Sakura moved around him slowly and easily, and Deidara relaxed a little more every minute, his tension and hostility draining away like water through cupped hands. It was as if their very presences calmed each other. Every gentle contact of Sakura's was full of love and expressive meaning, her fingertips lingering in an almost-caress, and Deidara would lean into her touch ever so slightly, perhaps not even realizing that he did so.

There was still the slightest bit of tension between them, the reasons for which Sakura had explained in detail last night. But if this moment between them was any indicator, those two would pull through just fine. Tsunade glanced sidelong at her successor, who watched the couple with an expression that was both frustrated and confused. Naruto could see it too, though he didn't want to.

When the worst of Deidara's injuries were tended and it was apparent that Sakura would stay in the cell with him all day long if she could, Tsunade coughed subtly and spoke up. "Sakura," she said gently, "we don't want to be late for the meeting."

Sakura turned unhappily, averse to leaving. But after a moment her features set in determination and she nodded. She bent again and whispered something to Deidara, a promise to return soon, no doubt, then straightened and exited the cell. She never re-bound Deidara's hands, but Tsunade didn't press the matter. That boy wasn't going anywhere without Sakura. Naruto glared at his teammate as she passed him, but it was less angry and more troubled.

The Godaime sighed, a migraine already forming in her temples. She was not looking forward to this meeting—she'd had enough of those meddling geezers for the next year. But after everything Sakura had done for this village, at her own emotional and physical sacrifice, Tsunade owed her this. They _all_ owed her this.

The locks were reset by the guard who had lingered unobtrusively down the hall until summoned. Sakura cast a lingering glance full of undisguised longing at Deidara, who followed her with his eyes until they had passed out of his sight and turned the corner.

Tsunade smiled despite herself. Her apprentice had certainly picked an interesting and complicated one to fall for, but he clearly made her happy. After everything she'd heard from Sakura, and now seen with her own eyes, she could understand why. She couldn't judge her for it. It would take a lot of work, stress, headaches (and sake) to be able to pull off what Sakura was hoping to accomplish. But Tsunade couldn't help but be happy for the young woman she thought of as a daughter. She wanted to root for them, wanted to put faith in the power of love just as Naruto had once convinced her to put faith in the power of friendship. She would do what she could.

Yes, Sakura had sacrificed a hell of a lot this past year. But perhaps she had gained even more.

Perhaps Konoha had something to gain as well.

* * *

Sakura's head was killing her, but she refused to let it show. She wanted to throw the couch she was sitting on at the elders seated across from her, too, but she resisted that urge as well.

She used the momentary lull in conversation – though _argument_ would be the better term – to glance at the figures around the room. Tsunade sat next to her, arms crossed irritably over her chest, frowning much the same way as Sakura. Shizune stood behind the Hokage, holding several files in her arms as well as an enormous archaic lawbook. Naruto stood at the window, his back to them all. Kakashi was across the room near the door, looking bored, though she knew better. Morino Ibiki stood a few feet from the Copy Ninja, surly as always. Tenzou was on Kakashi's other side, leaning in and muttering something under his breath. Kakashi inclined his head and murmured something back, though she couldn't make out what they said.

Everyone was gathered here to give witness to Sakura's claim that Deidara should be freed. The last three hours had been spent retelling the events of her mission to the elders Homura and Koharu, and then going round and round and _round_ about every minor detail. As far as _they_ knew, anyway. Some things Sakura refused to talk about. Period.

Then the conversation had turned to Deidara and what to do about him, and that was when the arguing had really started. Sakura could see why her shishou couldn't stand these people. They were close-minded, overly conservative, and harbored archaic prejudices that belonged in the last century. Interrogation and execution was their immediate initial stance. Sakura didn't know how the Sandaime's once-teammates could be so completely different from the kind, evenhanded third Hokage.

But the testimonies had given them pause. Tenzou related the details of their capture, how willing and nonresistant Deidara had been. Ibiki reluctantly backed him by confirming that aside from his attitude and refusal to talk, Deidara had been a cooperative prisoner. Then to her surprise Kakashi came forward and revealed that he had _seen_ them the day they encountered Naruto in the woods and left him unconscious but alive. He had arrived in time to see the confrontation and hide his presence until Naruto needed backup, which never happened. His testimony was probably the strongest, because it was true evidence that Deidara had willingly acted in defiance of Akatsuki and left a jinchuuriki alive and uninjured. Naruto grudgingly backed Kakashi's story with his own account of the incident. Sakura had smiled at him. No matter how he felt about the situation, he would take her side against the elders. Always.

Once the elders were willing to listen, Tsunade and Sakura had argued for Deidara's release and eventual integration into Konoha. Shizune had pulled the old book of laws from the archives and pointed out several clauses and conditions where such a thing was legitimately feasible. Sticklers for rules and tradition, the legal precedent made the elders actually begin to consider the possibilities.

Which led them to where they were now, waiting with tense impatience as the elders pondered.

"Well?" Tsunade spoke after several minutes had passed. "Deidara is clearly an asset we shouldn't throw away. He is an s-class shinobi, and he has vital information about Akatsuki and an extensive working knowledge of their ways."

Homura frowned. "The boy's potential appeal is not in question. His resume speaks for itself. It is _because_ of his resume that we take issue. He is too dangerous to trust. He could be a spy, just as Sakura was—"

"Weren't you listening?" Sakura interjected. "He killed two of them—one because he was planning to kill _me_, and the other we killed while we were escaping. The only reason we were in Fire country at all the day Tenzou and his team found us was because Akatsuki was hunting us and we were trying to throw them off! He's _not_ a spy. He's glad to be rid of them," she said angrily, glaring at the two ancient faces.

"He is an enemy of Konoha," Koharu said sternly.

"By association. He has never, that we know, killed a Leaf shinobi or attacked a target inside Fire's borders," Tsunade countered.

The old woman harrumphed. "'_That we know.'_ His name and face are well known as a member of Akatsuki—the bane of all shinobi nations."

"He joined them under duress, and left willingly when the opportunity arose!" Sakura argued.

"How many times will you make us repeat ourselves?" Tsunade snapped.

Homura and Koharu exchanged a long, clearly disgruntled glance.

"_If_…we took him in," Homura acceded, "what of the other villages?"

"Mist and Cloud are our enemies; they are planning an attack against us as we speak. Their opinions are irrelevant."

"And Stone? If they learn we harbor one of their most wanted missing-nin they will want war."

The Hokage scoffed. "Stone _always_ wants war. According to Sakura's intel, they may be joining Cloud and Mist against us."

"What of Suna? The Sand village is our most important ally, and he attacked their village and kidnapped the Kazekage several years ago. You can't possibly believe they will accept this. Should we sacrifice our strongest alliance for one man whom you_ say_ is no danger to us?"

Tsunade was prepared for this argument as well. "Suna was our enemy once. They allied with Sound to attack us, and because of that the Sandaime was killed. But we forged ahead and made a treaty with them, made them our friends. It was _our _shinobi who rescued the Kazekage. They owe us a forgiveness or two. Besides, Naruto and Gaara are friends who share a common bond, and they will be the ones who lead our villages into the future. Ask _him_." She looked to Naruto, who had turned around and faced them with the new turn in conversation. "Would Gaara – once called a monster and rightly so for his brutality, but who has changed his ways – break his bonds with you and go to war over Deidara, who also appears to be on the path to changing his ways for the better?"

Naruto sulked over his answer for several seconds, and finally sighed in concession. "No. Suna and Konoha will always be allies as long as Gaara and I are running things."

"See?" Tsunade said, smiling smugly at the unhappy elders. "Nothing to worry about there. You have to admit the benefit of such an addition to our village. Sakura vouches for Deidara's character. _I_ vouch for Sakura's judgment and what I've seen myself. You've heard the testimonies of some of the most trusted and respected shinobi in Konoha. Deidara has skill, experience, and great power; he will be a tremendous asset to Konoha if he joins us. Remember that while I am asking for your support, _I_ am the Hokage, and I don't need your permission."

The elders scowled at the reminder. "You are only Hokage because we made you so, Tsunade," Koharu reminded tersely.

"And you did so because you _knew_ that I could lead the people and make the right decisions for this village, because you trusted that I would always do what is in Konoha's best interest," she pointed out slyly.

Sakura smirked faintly. If the elders disagreed with her, they would be admitting they were at fault for putting the wrong person in charge. They would never admit to such a mistake, even if they believed it to be true.

"You can't even know that Deidara will agree to this," Homura argued, still looking for an excuse. "The boy has no reason to go along, other than to save his skin, but afterward what's to stop him from leaving or worse, turning on us?"

Tsunade gave a faint, knowing smile. "He has a reason."

Sakura glanced at her in muted outrage. She hadn't wanted to give the elders an excuse to question her judgment and motives. Tsunade gave her a fleeting look that told her to trust where this was going. Sakura kept her expression neutral as two sets of hard, judgmental eyes bored into her.

"I see…" Koharu remarked scornfully, a look on her face like she had just smelled something foul. "So you get a little too friendly with the enemy on your mission and then decide you want to bring your lover back home with you?"

Sakura seethed at the old woman. "It's _not_ like that. You think I would do this if I wasn't absolutely_ certain_ of him? I would never bring him here if he was a danger to this village."

"Even if that was the case – which I am certain it is _not_ – it does stand to show that Deidara has a vested interest in this village as long as Sakura is here," Tsunade explained casually. "_She_ is why he cooperates, and _she_ is why he will stay once released. He may never be fully loyal to Konoha, at least not at first, but he _is_ loyal to Sakura. Sakura and Konoha—it's a package deal. As long as she is here and dedicated to this village, he will behave himself."

Koharu scoffed. "The power of _love_. I didn't know you were such a romantic, Tsunade." She said it like it was a fatal disease.

"I have faith in my apprentice. This is a small favor to grant after all she's done for this village." she said pointedly.

"And how will you guarantee his continued pseudo-loyalty? What insurance do we have? Will you marry him?" Koharu asked Sakura.

Sakura's eyes widened for a second in shock at the audacious question, but her features soon set in indignation. "Not for this reason," she said firmly. "And it would be a mistake to try and push the issue. Attempting to corner Deidara into anything will only guarantee his defiance. I won't be pushed into it either. If it ever _does_ happen…it will be on _our_ terms."

"You have no legitimate argument that hasn't been addressed and _re-addressed_, Homura, Koharu. And frankly I've grown tired of listening to you scramble for a leg to stand on," Tsunade said curtly, changing the subject before Sakura or Naruto flew into a fit at the idea of a marriage – forced or otherwise.

Tense silence stretched as the two sides stared each other down. "This is on _your _head, Tsunade," Homura said finally, grudgingly conceding defeat. "If that boy ever does a single thing against Konoha or its citizens, if we lose our allies or are forced into conflict because of this, it will be _your_ fault. _You_ will deal with the consequences."

"Of course. That's what it means to be Hokage." She glanced at Sakura and winked.

Sakura grinned triumphantly and sighed in relief. They had done it! Deidara's life was spared!

#

Ten minutes later they were back in the Hokage's office, the elders having retreated to sulk. Fifteen minutes after that, Deidara was brought in by Ibiki and Tenzou. They marched him to stand before the Hokage's massive desk, and then backed away, leaving him standing alone before the Hokage. He cast a wary glance at Sakura, trying to gauge the situation. She smiled at him.

"Well, Deidara," Tsunade began firmly. "Let me start by first saying how damn lucky you are to have Sakura fighting for you. If not for her…well, I'm sure you know."

Deidara's expression remained hard, but he seemed to have a good hold on his temper at the moment, and Sakura was glad.

"So," the Hokage continued, leaning forward and lacing her hands before her on the desk, "here's the deal, and it's the only one you're going to get so think carefully before you answer. We take those cuffs off and let you have your chakra, a little bit of leash to show us you're not up to no good, though you won't get your clay back until we're absolutely sure. You'll be released from the holding facility and placed under house arrest, with twenty-four hour ANBU surveillance."

Deidara's jaw clenched angrily, and he scowled.

"_My_ ANBU," she clarified. "My personal guard, like the squad that brought you to Konoha. Now, here are the conditions of your release. You will help us eliminate what remains of Akatsuki, both with your extensive inside knowledge, as well as in tactical maneuvers and combat. Shinobi of your caliber are rare, and there is no question that we value your skill and experience. Even those opposed to your release acknowledge that. You fight Akatsuki with us, help us take them down once and for all, including Uchiha Madara, and when it's over you will be given a probationary pardon. You will remain on house arrest under surveillance until we make our move against them, and after the operation is accomplished you will be given into Sakura's custody. Anything you do, she will be held responsible for. If you turn on us at any point, it will be _her_ head as well as your own."

Deidara glanced quickly at Sakura. She gave him a fleeting, tight lipped smile.

"Sakura knows and agrees to this," Tsunade explained. "It was her idea. So keep that in mind when you're tempted to act rashly. This probation will be in effect for a minimum of one year. After that year, if you've met your end of it, your pardon with Konoha will be made official and you may join us as a Leaf shinobi if you wish. I will admit now that it is what_ I_ wish, because as I said, your potential value is too great to overlook." Her expression hardened. "However, after that one year probation period, if you decide you _don't_ want to join the Leaf…we won't keep you here as a prisoner, and we won't turn on you after you helped us, but if you leave this village the deal is void and you will be an enemy to us once again." She sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well? It's a pretty sweet deal, if you ask me. You won't find a better one in all the world."

A long minute passed in silence, all attention on Deidara. Sakura watched him with hopeful eyes, the Hokage regarded him expectantly, Naruto glowered but remained silent, Kakashi observed with his perfected façade of disinterest. But Deidara's own gaze was turned inward in thought, and as the seconds ticked by Sakura grew uneasy. She could see that he was struggling again with some inner conflict. Whatever it was, she had to put him at ease. They couldn't have come this far just to give it all up.

She edged closer to the Hokage and bent down over her shoulder. "Shishou, can I please have a moment to talk with him?" she whispered.

Tsunade gave a faint nod. "I think that's a good idea," she replied mutedly. "Take him into the antechamber. You have five minutes."

Sakura nodded and walked over to Deidara, gently grasped his elbow with a slight tugging pressure. "Come with me," she murmured low for only him to hear.

Heavy stares followed them as Deidara allowed her to lead him into the room where the aggravating meeting had recently concluded. She shut the door quietly and then turned to him, her expression troubled.

"What's wrong? This deal is insanely good, I know you know that." He didn't reply, but his frown deepened. "Is that it?" she wondered. "You think it's _too_ good?" She squeezed his elbow reassuringly. "The deal _is_ genuine, Deidara. There are no tricks or fine print. If you don't trust Tsunade-sama, then trust me," she implored softly.

"I believe her," he said. "It's just…I don't know about this…"

"What do you mean?" Was he having second thoughts? She faced him fully and grasped his other arm, bracing him. "Deidara…isn't this what you want? Hasn't everything you've gone through the past few days been for this moment, to say 'yes'?"

His eyes hardened. "And what if I do? What if I help you take out Akatsuki—don't get me wrong, I'd be more than glad to have a shot at that fucker, Madara. But what then? Am I supposed to be _reformed_ somehow, converted into some goody-goody Leaf ninja? I left my village for a reason, Sakura, and I don't deal well with being caged…whether it's a prison cell, or a code of conduct, or whatever. You're dreaming if you think it'll be as easy as you make it sound."

"No one will force you to _reform_, or anything like that. Anyway, it won't be _that_ hard because you're not nearly as evil as you think you are. And don't look at me like that, like it's a _bad_ thing," she said, rolling her eyes at his almost-offended expression. "I know Leaf has a reputation for being soft and weak and always playing the good guy…but we're really not. People only think that because we're not warmongers and we try to maintain a balance of peace, but if you knew some of the off-record things Konoha has done…honestly, we're nothing like the good guys, if such a thing even exists.

"And as far as conforming to some strict set of guidelines…that's definitely not Konoha's way. We're not nearly as militant as Iwa, and definitely not as bad as Akatsuki. My team has always had a reputation for pushing the boundaries and breaking rules, Naruto especially, yet we're the top team in Konoha because what we do always _works,_ and now Naruto is the impending Rokudaime. If Konoha _does_ have a soft spot or weakness, I would say it's leniency. And isn't that exactly what you would need?"

He just stared at her, still skeptical. Maybe a more personal approach would help. She took a step closer to him. "Do you remember the night when I first told you how much I hated being in Akatsuki, how hard it was for me? Remember when I asked you…if you had a way out, would you take it?"

He gave a barely perceptible nod.

Sakura grasped his hands. "Deidara…this is your way out. This is your chance to find something better that what you've known. You've helped me so much, when I was at my lowest point…now let me help _you_."

The seconds ticked by as they held each other's gaze, and then Deidara shook his head. "Fucking ironic," he said dryly.

Sakura gave a small, quiet laugh. "Those are the first words you ever said to me."

He paused, recalling, and then smiled. "That seems like a lifetime ago, yeah."

"Maybe it was. Another life…" She trailed off, but knew he understood what remained unsaid.

Deidara exhaled a slow sigh and nodded. "You're right. I'll do it," he agreed quietly.

Sakura beamed at him, and impulsively threw her arms around him and squeezed him into a hug. He couldn't reciprocate due to the cuffs, and maybe he wouldn't have anyway, but she didn't care because now they had a chance. She stepped back quickly, trying not to feel self-conscious at his surprised and uncertain expression. "Let's go tell them," she said eagerly, grinning ear to ear.

Deidara smiled despite himself, small and fleeting. Sakura carefully schooled her expression into something more professional and then opened the door, and together they walked back into the Hokage's office.

* * *

Nearly two days went by before she got to see Deidara again. He had agreed to the terms and been released, but Sakura hadn't been able to go with him when he was taken to his new quarters. She'd been holed up with the Hokage all this time, taking care of all the legalities and making sure it all went through proper channels so there could be no loopholes in the deal. It was more tedious and time-consuming than she had originally thought, and she'd barely had time to sleep and feed herself with all the paper pushing.

Now that was done and she was free to see him, proper clearance and all. She was one of the _only_ people authorized to see him, and though her official clearance was as his medic, she knew Tsunade wouldn't have barred her access to him in any case.

There was a definite skip in her step as she made her way to the edge of town. Deidara was being housed in a small building nestled back among a dozen other official-use buildings, little more than a hostel where Konoha lodged visitors on official business from other villages, usually message runners and those on loan like code-breakers, who didn't have the status or clearance to be lodged in the fancy ambassador's suites. The building was empty of such visitors now. Even the civilians who worked the front desk were gone. The only people here were the single occupant and a dozen of the Hokage's elite ANBU who guarded him around the clock.

One of two guards at the main entrance nodded at her as she approached, and she recognized his mask; he was one of those who'd escorted her to the border the night her mission began. She nodded back with a faint smile.

"Welcome back, Sakura-sama," he addressed as she passed by.

Sakura blinked in admittedly pleasant surprise at the title, and her smile widened. "Thank you," she replied, and pulled open the door. The air conditioning hit her upon entering and she sighed in relief. She'd almost forgotten what it was like to be in Fire country in summer. She continued down the hall and up the stairs to the second floor, passing a handful of ANBU stationed in various posts on the way, and stopped before another guard outside the door at the end of the hall. This one nodded to her as well – at least she was getting respect from_ these_ guys – and she opened the door, feeling the chakra seal give. It would be sealed again as soon as she was inside, but she didn't care about strict security measures because she knew Deidara wasn't going anywhere.

The room was basically a small studio apartment, with a tiny bathroom attached to the singular space and a miniscule kitchenette built into one wall. It was basic and no frills like all military facilities, with only a small dining table, two chairs, and a twin bed against the far wall. No decorations other than the simple curtains on the window, stained off-white from age. The curtains were drawn now, of course, casting the small space in a dusky, diffused afternoon glow. All these details were noted quickly, before she closed the door quietly behind her and focused on the room's occupant, slouched in one of the dining chairs angled perpendicular to the table.

He'd just showered and his hair was slightly damp, unbound and falling over his shoulders. He wore only his mesh undershirt and pants, and a faint heat curled her stomach at how attractive he was to her. Their eyes met, and she could clearly see that he was not in nearly as good a mood as she was.

"You shouldn't be here," he muttered gruffly, and his eyes fell to the table's surface, not really seeing.

Sakura paused uncertainly, feeling that awful tension creeping up between them again. Had something happened? Why wasn't he glad to see her? "Do you want me to leave?" she asked dolefully.

His brow knitted in a small frown. "That's not what I meant."

She had an idea, though. It had been four days since they arrived in Konoha, and the news had finally gotten around. People were starting to talk, and they weren't all saying nice things—those who had no access to real information and made up for it by gossiping. There was a minor uproar about Deidara's pardon, and there was unpleasant talk going around about Sakura as well. Some thought she was a scandalous woman for sleeping with the enemy, and utterly shameless for bringing him home with her. Some thought she had lost her mind on her mission. Some even suspected that she had switched sides and this whole thing was an elaborate double agent maneuver. Some people didn't trust her. Some people didn't respect her. Some people even showed it to her face. Somehow Deidara had heard of it – overheard a guard, maybe – and was implying that her coming here to see him, so openly and proudly, would only make it worse.

"I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks, Deidara," she said with quiet firmness. "I wanted to see you. I would have come sooner but I've been busy with all the legal work for your pardon. Besides, I have an official reason." She moved toward him with a small smile, patting her medic's apron. "I'm supposed to check your injuries. Though…I'm still not allowed to heal them completely," she muttered sourly. "They're still wary that you'll take off."

Deidara snorted under his breath. "You talk like you're not one of them."

She stopped before him with an indignant frown. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked waspishly. "I promised I would help you, and I _am_. I've been fighting day and night, using every last scrap of respect and influence I have in this village to keep you alive and work out a deal we can all live with!"

His expression turned contrite. "I know you have," he muttered. "It's just, do you get how _maddening_ it is to go through all this shit? To sit here all day like this… No matter how you put it this room is just a glorified prison cell and I'm—"

"I know. I know its driving you crazy," she interjected, moving closer and reaching for his arm. She examined his bandaged fingers, ensuring the joints had set properly and that he hadn't damaged them again. "But the fact that you're alive and not behind bars is proof that everything will be okay. In all my years as the Hokage's apprentice I've never seen a foreign enemy shinobi put on house arrest and given full access to their chakra. How is that for you, by the way, everything flowing all right?"

"It's fine."

"Good. Sometimes those cuffs can make everything all screwy for a few days. Anyway, this situation is unprecedented. They know how powerful you are and what you're capable of, and yet they're trusting you with this much. The fact that you could escape at any time and do serious damage to this village but _don't_...it hasn't gone unnoticed. They just need time to be convinced you're really serious about this." She gave him a knowing smile. "I know patience isn't one of your strong points, but please just wait it out, okay? For me?"

Deidara looked up from watching his hands, which she had finished tending but still held. Something shifted behind his eyes. "For you, yeah," he replied quietly. "It's all for you."

Sakura gazed down at him, her pulse quickening. In the silent moment that passed between them, she felt the last of the wall fall away.

"Thank you," she said softly. "Please don't worry so much. I'm doing everything I can for you." Emboldened by his hint of a smile, she lifted his hand and tenderly pressed her lips against his knuckles.

Deidara stared at her a moment, lips parted in surprise, and then he slowly pulled his hand from hers.

Sakura blushed with chagrin, and fumbled to apologize for overstepping when she had promised to give him space, but the words never came out as he slipped that same hand around her waist and drew her to him. Her breath caught as he sighed and rested his forehead against her abdomen. She placed her hands on his shoulders, barely daring to move. His arm tightened, pulling her closer in need. She understood, and slowly lowered herself until she straddled his lap, her hands resting on his shoulders as both his arms encircled her waist.

After so much emotional and physical distance, being close to him was overwhelming, and she felt as if she would spiral apart into a million pieces. She smiled as she met his eyes and reached to brush his hair back from his face. His black eye was nearly gone, only a small purplish splotch and a faint scrape remained. But her smile slowly fell as she really got a good look at him. He still looked exhausted, his eyes red-rimmed and shadowed, his skin too pale.

"You don't look well," she remarked, brushing soft fingertips over his cheek. "Have you been getting enough sleep?"

He shook his head slowly, sighing. "I can't. All this going on, and…" he struggled with himself a moment, his features contorting almost painfully. "Ever since that night…I can't sleep without you."

The quiet, pained admission nearly broke her heart, and with a breath that was almost a sob she wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him. His arms tightened around her and they held each other for a long while, overwhelmed by all the pain and longing and the relief that it was over. A deep sense of rightness and belonging settled over them. They were finally how they _should_ be—together.

Deidara pulled back only once he noticed her trembling, and his brow creased anxiously as he wiped a trail of moisture from her cheek. "Why are you crying?" he asked, his own voice catching slightly.

Sakura sniffled weakly. "I just…" She cut off with a tiny shake of her head, too overcome to speak. Her head fell to his shoulder again, fingers clenching in the mesh of his shirt. "I just missed you so much…please don't push me away again."

"I won't," he promised, the words coming so fast they almost overlapped hers. Another tremor went through her as the tears came heavier, a silent sob. His arms instantly tightened, hands smoothing up her back until they curved around her shoulders. He buried his face in the crook of her neck. "I don't deserve you…but I'm too selfish to let you go."

Sakura stilled and pulled back, her eyes reproachful. "_I'm_ the one who decides what's good enough for me, Deidara. No one else. Not even you." She held his face in her hands. "And you _do_ deserve it. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be loved."

His blue eyes searched hers. "Do you really love me?" he asked softly.

His raw vulnerability brought tears to her eyes. Sakura saw the scars his life had left on him, how loneliness and misery had shaped him into the man he was. Her heart ached for him. But he would never know those things again, because he had her now. She gave him the tenderest of smiles. "More than ever," she vowed, breathing deeply to steady herself. "And…do you still love me?"

Deidara gave her a look that was almost exasperated, and one hand rose to her face, fingers curling around the back of her neck as he nuzzled her temple. "Yes." His fingers threaded into her hair. "I love you."

His lips brushed her temple, moved over her jaw, pressed softly at the corner of her mouth, and Sakura turned her face into his and eagerly met his kiss. It was soft at first, a tender brushing of parted lips. Tears streamed down her face, and she sighed into his mouth as the overwhelming tide swept over her once again. And then his mouth settled on hers with a soft groan, both his hands weaving further into her hair. She pressed herself to him and a faint sound filled the back of her throat, a sound of pure emotion with no name. She kissed him with every ounce of feeling she possessed, until she could barely breathe. After a short eternity he was the one to pull back, and Sakura laughed tearfully as he gently wiped the tear tracks from her face.

He was smiling, the crooked one she loved and had missed, but there was a hint of apprehension in his eyes. "Sakura," he began quietly, hands slipping down to hold her waist, "I know what you said about it being your choice, and it _is_, but..." His eyes searched hers intently. "I'm not a good man. I've done a lot of bad things, and most of them I'm not sorry for."

Sakura gave him a look. "Where do you think you are, the Village of Sunshine and Rainbows? This is a _ninja_ village. We've _all_ done our share of bad things." Her hands smoothed over his shoulders, comforting them both. "I don't care about your past. I care about the man you are now. There_ is_ a good person inside of you that's never really had the chance to come out. But I've seen him."

His eyes remained troubled. "I don't know how much I can change what I am, Sakura. Even for you."

She shook her head stubbornly. "I don't want you to change, Deidara. I want you exactly the way you are; the good and the bad and everything in between. We've gone through so much already, and we finally have a chance…if you back out on me now I'll beat you to a pulp." He smiled at that. "Actually, I've always kinda had thing for bad boys," she admitted mischievously. "I've sort of grown attached to your snarky attitude and that infuriatingly sexy smirk of yours."

That exact smirk curled his lips. "_Infuriatingly_ sexy?"

"Yes. Because even when you're acting like an arrogant jerk you're still so damn annoyingly hot that I forget to be mad at you," she griped.

Deidara grinned impishly. "I'll have to remember that, yeah."

Sakura glared. "Use it against me and I'll make you regret it."

He only pulled her further against him. "You're so hot when you're mad."

She had to laugh. "I'm glad you think so, because I get mad a lot."

He leaned in, his eyes darkening. "I know," he murmured, and sealed his mouth to hers.

This kiss was heavier, possessive and demanding. His tongue entered her mouth and teased against hers, and the way he used his grip on her hair to tilt her head and deepen the kiss sent a jolt of heated pleasure to her core. Sakura moaned softly and arched into him, rolling her hips forward. He groaned approvingly against her mouth as he realized she was wearing a skirt rather than her usual shorts, and his hands slipped under the edges to rove over her bare thighs. Suddenly he paused, his mouth stilling against hers, and Sakura smirked against his motionless lips as she felt the position of his hands and realized why.

He pulled back and met her gaze with a wicked smirk, his fingers twisting around the strings of her red tie-on panties. "Naughty girl," he rasped fervently, clearly pleased by his discovery, "you came here with _intentions_."

"And what if I did? You gonna turn me down?" she purred, smirking deviously as she rolled her hips teasingly against his, stomach curling with heat as she already felt the effects of her impromptu seduction pressing against her.

Deidara chuckled darkly and pushed down on her hips as he lifted his own. "Not a chance," he growled, and then fused his lips to hers. They kissed feverishly, their hands roaming everywhere they could reach. His slipped under her shirt to caress her and almost immediately he was pulling it up and over her head and then they were roaming over her bared skin, slipping beneath the straps of her bra. Sakura wasted no time doing the same to his shirt, only more gently because of his injured ribs. She ran her hands over his firm chest and shoulders, arching closer to feel his warm skin against hers, her desire for him so strong that just touching him turned her on and sent waves of tingling heat through her body.

It seemed to be only through sheer iron willpower that Deidara was able to pull back slightly. "I don't know what I did in a past life to find you," he breathed against her lips, "'cause it sure wasn't anything I did in this one."

A tiny smile curled her lips and she pressed her brow against his, passion cooling momentarily as her love for him pushed to the front. "You _saved_ me. That's what you did," she whispered tenderly, fingers twining in his long hair. "You were my lifeline in the darkness, my partner, my friend…my everything."

He groaned softly, and then his lips were on hers and this time there was no holding back. The dam broke and they let themselves be swept away; they could not have done otherwise. Need and longing that they had tried to deny since their foolish misunderstanding took control of them and they were helpless in its wake. They clung to each other, touching every inch of skin, desperate to be closer, to consummate everything they were feeling in a physical way.

Only when they were gasping for breath did he tear his mouth from hers and trail heated kisses down her neck, across her chest, over the soft swell of her breasts. Quick hands unclasped her bra and pulled it away, then returned to cup her breast, his mouth closing over a hardened nipple. Sakura arched into him with a soft moan, fingers tightening in his hair to hold him against her. She rocked against the hardness in his pants, making him groan and scrape his teeth against the sensitive bud, making her gasp and shiver in turn.

Suddenly his hands slid up the back of her thighs and under her rear and he stood with her, wincing only a little. She locked her legs around his waist and pulled him into another searing kiss. He crossed the short space and all but fell on the bed with her, grunting a little in pain but at this point neither really noticed. Clothing was ripped away and forgotten. There was no thought of foreplay and no need or want of it. The fire consumed them and all they knew was the urgency to connect, be in and around and part of each other. And then he was inside her, filling her, moving with her in the most amazing way. The small room filled with the hushed sounds of their straining bodies, soft sighs and sharp moans. It was an act of raw need and it was over quickly, their tangled limbs shuddering as they came together, a sob of pure ecstasy escaping her as he groaned against her throat.

He sank against her in the aftermath, their heavy breaths mingling. Sakura wrapped her arms around him and they simply lay there, still entwined, bodies still connected. Neither of them were aware of how much time passed before their hearts slowed and their breathing returned to normal, simply content to _be_ with each other.

Eventually Sakura grinned, giddy with happiness, and gave a slow, blissful sigh. "Gods, I've missed you…" she murmured into his hair, barely above a whisper, "…being close to you like this."

Deidara raised his head a little to see her face, and smiled crookedly. "Me too, yeah. We'll have to make up for it." He punctuated his words by pressing a kiss to the sensitive spot just below her ear.

Sakura purred encouragingly, sighing as he began nibbling the side of her neck. She slipped her arms around his shoulders and lifted her thighs higher over his hips, but stilled when he suddenly tensed and grunted in pain. Her eyes flew open just in time to see him wince. They had gotten so caught up in each other that she hadn't healed his ribs yet, she realized, and she slowly lowered her leg away from his injured flank. "Is this hurting you? Maybe we should stop."

Deidara chuckled and relaxed a little, and pressed a soft but heady kiss to her lips. "Hell no, we're finishing what we started," he drawled. "A few cracked ribs aren't gonna keep me from making love to my girl…" he pushed his hips against hers, reminding her that they were still joined, "…obviously."

Regardless of his assurance, she slid one hand down the toned plane of his chest and around his ribcage, a faint green glow spreading as she mended him. He shifted a little to give her better access and after a moment he sighed and rested his head against hers.

"Have I ever told you I love the feel of your chakra?" he murmured.

"I vaguely remember being teased that it tingles," she replied, warmly recalling the fateful encounter that was the catalyst for the direction her life had taken.

Deidara smirked as he remembered, and lowered his head until his lips hovered just above hers. "Mmhm," he rasped in agreement, "in the best way possible."

Her body warmed under the intensity and desire in his darkened gaze. She kissed him, sighing in pleasure as he deepened it. The chakra in her hand flickered out as her mind was swept blank by more immediate desires. She caught his lower lip between her teeth, and he smirked against her mouth as he shifted over her to twine his hands into her hair.

Their desperate need sated, they now moved for each other's pleasure, no less passionate, only more focused. She felt him harden inside her, the sensation incredibly erotic, and she tightened her thighs over his hips and arched up into him with a soft moan. He cupped her breast in one hand, rubbing the tightened peak with the roughened pad of his thumb before lowering his head to encircle it with his tongue. He switched sides after a moment, paying the same fervent attention to her other nipple. Soon he began to rock against her in gentle thrusts, leisurely increasing in force as they settled into a perfect rhythm.

Deidara moved above her, kissing her throat, her collarbones and the plane of her chest, claiming her body as he had done a hundred times before. Only it was different. There was a meaningful reverence in the way he touched her, the way he kissed her, the way he moved slow and deep inside her, in the raw emotion in his lust-clouded eyes. Sakura opened herself as well, letting him take everything she had, offering it gladly. They shared each other, filled each other with the unspoken knowledge that this was all they wanted, that there would never be anyone else again.

All of her senses were enveloped and by him, everything else faded away, the real world ceasing to exist. She saw him; his long hair falling around her in a golden curtain, his darkened eyes, lashes fluttering faintly with every stab of pleasure. She felt him; so amazingly perfect inside her, moving with her in a way that proved he had mastered her body. She tasted him; his kiss, his breath, his slightly sweaty skin. She breathed his scent and heard his heavy breaths, quickening along with her own as they neared the edge. He muffled her cries with a deep, passionate kiss when she came, thrusting harder and faster to heighten her pleasure, exactly the way he knew she loved. So in tune were they, so masterfully did he know her body that it was nearly effortless when she climaxed again, clinging to him with a broken sob, and this time he joined her, his arms tightening around her almost painfully as he shuddered and groaned and emptied himself inside her.

Exhausted and spent, he barely managed to remove his weight from her before collapsing with a contented sigh and slipping his arms around her to pull her to him, as close as possible. Sakura absently pulled the thin blanket over their lower halves. She felt overwhelmed again; the experience they had just shared, their closeness now, the memory of how it had felt to be without him, thinking they would never be like this again.

Deidara watched every flicker of emotion across her face and his brow creased as he touched her cheeks, tenderly brushing away the tears that escaped her eyes. "Please stop crying," he murmured quietly. "It makes me anxious."

Sakura breathed a soft laugh. "People cry from more than just sadness, Deidara. It's just emotional overflow." She pressed her brow against his and smiled. "I'm so happy."

He smiled as well, his fingertips lazily trailing indistinct patterns over her back. "Me too."

She shifted closer, though it was hardly possible as close as they already were. "I love you," she whispered.

Deidara's blue eyes softened, and she saw that same glimpse of vulnerability he'd let slip earlier. "Say that again," he demanded softly.

Sakura smiled sweetly and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, "I love you," then the top of his cheek just below his faintly bruised eye, "I love you," and finally between his brows, "I love you."

His expression tightened briefly and he didn't respond, and after a moment he gave a long, slow sigh and nuzzled his face into the hollow of her shoulder, his arms wrapping around her in need. Sakura held him and gently combed his long hair with her fingers, and they lay that way for a long time. Deidara continued to hold her tightly, almost tensely, and when Sakura felt the faintest coolness of moisture against her skin she gave no outward sign of understanding other than to cradle him closer as he silently came to terms with something, perhaps _everything_, letting go of the past and welcoming the future.

When the tension drained from his arms and shoulders, she knew he had finally fallen into a deep, well-deserved sleep. She curled against him, nestling further into his embrace. Her eyes quickly grew heavy, and there was a smile on her lips as she let herself drift away to join him.


	21. Clearing Fog

**Vertigo**

Chapter Twenty-One: Clearing Fog

* * *

The same smile that had carried Sakura off to sleep emerged again as she awoke. Her best friend may be furious with her, her village may be under the dark cloud of war…but she was waking in the arms of the man she loved and he was going to be free and nothing would could infringe on her happiness.

Lifting her head from where it rested in the hollow of Deidara's shoulder, she glanced at the curtain-drawn window and saw that it was full dark outside. Her eyes traveled to the clock on the wall over the sink on the far side of the tiny studio. Eleven-thirty. She had been here since five that afternoon. Too bad most of their time together had been spent sleeping. But Deidara needed it badly, and honestly she didn't really care what they were doing as long as she got to spend time with him. And, the time that _hadn't_ been spent sleeping had more than made up for a few lost hours.

With a contented sigh she lowered her head again, and gently traced little patterns over his chest with her fingers. They paused over his heart, feeling it pulsing evenly beneath her fingertips, her eyes lingering on the scant traces of scarring; a record of the gruesome injury she'd found him dying of so many years ago. She remembered what he had intended to do that day, what he _had_ done, and, had he been entirely successful, that he wouldn't be here today. If he weren't here with her, not only would a huge part of her heart have never been filled, but she would likely have lost her sanity in Akatsuki and never made it out alive.

Unconsciously, she snuggled closer, aligning her body with his. Deidara stirred a little, his hand moving to rest lightly over hers on his chest, fingers reflexively curling to hold her wrist. He turned his head her way and sighed softly against her hair, and a moment later stilled back into sleep. Sakura continued to lie there, listening to his heartbeat under her ear, breathing in his subtle scent, content just to be close to him.

A little while later Deidara stirred again, turning his body toward her a bit, and this time he woke. His eyes cracked open and focused on her, and he smiled drowsily.

"Hi," she whispered.

"You're still here," he murmured, voice raspy from sleep.

"I wanted to be here when you woke up." His earlier admission that he hadn't been able to sleep properly since their split was still pulling at her heartstrings. She had experienced much the same thing during that hellish week and a half, only she wasn't as good at fighting the Sandman as he was. His eyes were still shadowed from exhaustion, but not as much as before. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better."

"Good. I guess this was exactly what you needed," she teased.

Deidara's hand slid over her shoulder and into her hair, holding the back of her head as he pulled her toward him. He kissed her soundly, conveying his feelings through action instead of words. Sakura pressed herself against him, sliding her thigh over his hip, already eager for more 'making up.'

But the mood was suddenly lost when her stomach growled noisily.

Deidara chuckled quietly and pulled back to fix her with an amused look. "Hungry?"

Sakura smiled sheepishly. "A little."

"I don't have any food here, but want some tea?"

"Okay."

She followed him with her eyes as he got up, admiring the view as he pulled his pants on and made his way to the tiny kitchenette. He flipped on the stove light, its yellowish plastic casing illuminating the small space in a low, amber glow. Sakura searched for her clothing as Deidara filled a teakettle with water and turned on the burner. She found some articles scattered around the bed, but in their frenzy some had been cast halfway across the room.

"Do you know where my bra is? Or my shirt?" she asked him with a grin, covering her chest with her skirt as she looked around.

Deidara glanced at her and smirked appreciatively at the sight of her in just her panties. "Under the table, yeah."

Her grin widened as she remembered that those had been the first things to come off. She found them and finished getting dressed, and as she sat down to pull on her boots she noticed Deidara leaning against the counter, watching her.

"You won't get in trouble for being here so long?"

"No," she assured, "though I probably won't be able to get away with staying here every night."

A minute later he turned back to the kitchenette, pulling two mugs out of a cabinet and filling them. "I'm surprised _they_ haven't bothered us," he grumbled, casting a brief glare at the door.

"As long as they can sense my chakra is stable they won't," she explained, "though they might if I stay _too_ long." She finished with the last buckle and gave him a hopeful smile. "But…once this whole thing with Madara and Akatsuki is over you'll be staying with me and we can be together every night."

A cheeky smirk curled his lips as he walked over with the tea and sat down, his chair scraping faintly against the floor as he scooted it closer to hers. "I hope your place has soundproof walls, yeah."

Sakura took the mug he set before her. "Um, actually I don't have a place right now. I've been staying in the Hokage tower. My apartment was re-leased, since it would have been suspicious if it were kept for a person who was supposedly never coming back," she explained. "I'll find a new place soon. And it won't just be _my_ place…it'll be _our_ place, for as long as you want to stay."

"I'm not going anywhere without you," he declared over the rim of his mug before taking a sip.

Her expression softened. "Really?"

"Sure," he shrugged. "I've never had a real place to call 'home' before, and I have a superhot girl who's great in bed and makes good omelets. What more could I want?"

Sakura smacked him on the shoulder, but she knew that under the teasing there was sincerity in his words. "Keep it up, jerk, and you'll be sleeping on the couch and living off of rice crackers."

"Whatever. You know you want my body too much to make me sleep on the couch," he retorted smugly.

"I could just keep you tied up in the closet and pull you out when I want to have my way with you," she shot back.

He grinned. "Kinky."

Sakura stuck her tongue out at him. "Anyway, I'll start looking for a place tomorrow. I can afford a nicer one, too, now that they finally recognized how awesome I am and upped my ranking."

"You _are_ pretty awesome," he agreed, and leaned across the small table to draw her in for a lingering kiss.

She leaned into him eagerly. She was so happy they were back together, and she didn't want to leave him, but she knew she couldn't stay much longer before someone came looking for her. She broke the kiss with a wistful sigh and rested her head against his collarbone. "I should go soon," she murmured reluctantly.

He gave a sigh to match her own. "Think they would retract my pardon if I held you hostage?"

She laughed softly. "You can't hold a willing hostage."

Deidara grinned impishly and buried his nose in the curve of her neck. "Mm, the willing ones are the best kind, yeah." He followed up with a nibble to her tendon.

Sakura shivered and purred at the sensation, her fingers winding into his long hair as he continued to lay sensual kisses and playful nips along the side of her neck. She ran her hand down his bare chest, but stilled when she reached his heart. "I was thinking earlier, when you were asleep…" she began quietly.

"Hm."

She traced along his left pectoral with her fingertips. "I was thinking…I'm really glad your jutsu didn't completely work that day."

He straightened, and took a moment to reply. "I was really bitter about it for a long time," he finally admitted. "It was supposed to be my _masterpiece_, my ultimate jutsu…and it failed. What did that say about _me_ as an artist, as a shinobi?"

"It didn't fail," she countered. "It was one of the most amazing, overwhelmingly powerful things I've ever seen. I'll never forget it as long as I live, and I know everyone else who saw it would say the same. The only thing it failed to do was kill you, and I'm very, very thankful for that."

He gave her a wry smile. "Still, I didn't see it that way, and for a few years afterward I was angry. At myself, at life…I was even angry at _you_, for dragging me back from death and forcing me to live with my failure when I could have died believing my final jutsu was a flawless work of art."

Sakura watched him carefully, knowing there was more.

"I know my logic is twisted sometimes. The reason I never kept my promise to find you was because I thought if I did, I might try to…get back at you somehow. But deep down I knew it would be pretty fucked up if I hurt the one person who ever did anything nice for me."

"I don't get it…you seemed happy enough that day, once you revived. You even _kissed_ me," she pointed out, smiling a little at the memory of her thrilling first kiss.

"It hadn't really sunk in yet. It all kinda bubbled up afterward." He paused, his eyes filled with something she couldn't entirely discern. "I don't think I would have ever really gotten over it if not for you. I thought I would hate you if I ever saw you again. But when you came to Akatsuki and became my partner…instead of resenting you, you were like a breath of fresh air." He gave a fleeting half-smile. "This is gonna sound really corny, but being with you…I feel like there's something worth living for again, something that fills me up more than art. I feel like…that unstable, screwed up part of me…it's not so bad when I'm with you, yeah."

Sakura gazed at him, moved because he had never openly talked about this before. She reached across the table for his hand. "Those things don't matter to me, Deidara, because I see who you are inside. And…we're not that different. In fact, I think_ I'm_ more prone to unstable outbursts and violence than you are. Did I ever tell you I used to hear a voice in my head?"

Deidara blinked. "_What?_"

Sakura grinned. "It's true. I called her Inner Sakura. When I was younger I used to hide what I really thought and felt, and she was my private way of expressing myself. We all have an internal side…mine just talked back. Eventually she faded away, once I gained the confidence to be myself."

He laughed quietly and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in to kiss her forehead. "What a pair we are, hm? Definitely never having kids…"

Sakura giggled. "Agreed."

They were quiet for a while after that, comfortably silent as they drank their tea. Sakura was inwardly struck by the utter _normalcy_ of the interlude, one of the few normal moments they'd had in their relationship. Sure, Deidara was under house arrest with a platoon of elite guards right outside the door, and the threat of war loomed over them all. But in here, in this tiny little studio with the flickering yellow light and the muted ticking of the clock on the wall, the too-small bed with its covers rumpled by their earlier activities, it seemed like they could be any regular couple enjoying a quiet evening in.

She couldn't wait until they were able to have these moments whenever they wanted.

"I should go…" she said again when her cup was empty, her eyes clouded with regret. Deidara only nodded in reply. He stood with her when she got up and straightened her skirt, and moved to hold her when she turned to him. She slipped her hands behind his neck, gazed up into his eyes. "I'm so happy we're together, Deidara."

He kissed her softly, his hands tightening around her waist. When she broke the kiss, she nuzzled him, unwilling to pull away completely. "I'll be back as soon as I can." She smiled playfully. "And I'll bring you some groceries next time." He huffed softly in amusement and she released her hold around his neck, fingers pausing to caress his face. "I love you," she said softly.

Deidara smiled fully then, and bent his head until his lips just barely brushed hers. "Love you," he murmured, barely a whisper, and kissed her again.

They lingered a long moment, not wanting to part. When they eventually did, Sakura pressed a final quick peck to his lips and smiled before heading for the door and leaving.

#

After she was gone, Deidara headed for the shower. Sakura's comment about the ANBU sensing her chakra had raised a red flag his mind. If they'd been paying attention to that, they would have felt her chakra – probably his too – spiking all over the place in their more…exhilarating moments tonight. So it probably wouldn't be long before someone came to confront him about it.

Sure enough, just as he was exiting the bathroom and pulling his mesh tank over his head, not twenty minutes after Sakura had left, he felt the chakra signatures of his 'visitors' entering the building. Deidara smirked as he glanced around his tiny 'luxury cell.' He'd deliberately left the bed unmade, knowing the twisted sheets would leave no doubt that his girl had been in them not long ago, enjoying herself immensely. He sat at the table, leaning back in the chair with arms crossed, and stared expectantly at the door.

Not a minute later it opened – without a knock – and in walked Uzumaki Naruto, followed by Hatake Kakashi and the one he knew only as Sai. The latter two looked rather indifferent, though they had to be anything but or they wouldn't be here. However, Uzumaki was openly glowering at him, and as the door shut behind them the jinchuuriki crossed his arms over his chest and stopped not three feet away from the edge of his chair.

"What a pleasant surprise," Deidara drawled. "Can I offer you a cup of tea?"

He nodded toward the tabletop, and as anticipated, Naruto's eyes focused not on the teakettle, but on the second empty mug across from it. His scowl darkened.

"We have some questions for you," Sai said evenly, though the sharpness in his dark eyes betrayed his calm demeanor.

"And here I thought this was a social call, yeah."

"And this time, asshole, you're gonna give answers," Naruto added, ignoring the snarky comment.

"Is that any way to talk to your new ally…future-Hokage-sama?"

Uzumaki growled and took a step toward him, but he was grabbed by the back of his shirt and held in place by the everunruffled Copy Ninja. "ANBU came and told me that Sakura was in here with you for _seven_ hours tonight."

Deidara shrugged. "We had a lot to talk about."

"Cut the bullshit. They saw you."

_Saw_ them? Casting a swift glance at the window, Deidara noticed the small crack between the curtains, and huffed amusedly. "So your ANBU are moonlighting as voyeurs, huh? That's taking the whole 'twenty-four hour surveillance' thing a bit far if you ask me." He smiled wickedly. "I hope they enjoyed the show."

This time Sai had to join in holding Naruto back. Deidara only grinned wider.

"What we want to know is; what's your angle?" Kakashi said.

"I don't have an angle."

"Then why are you here in Konoha?" Naruto demanded, calming enough to be released by his teammates. "What's with the whole nonresistance act? Why did you let yourself be captured without a fight?"

"That should be obvious," he replied. "For Sakura."

Naruto scoffed. "You can't expect us to believe you're really here for _her_."

Deidara frowned. "That's a hell of a way to regard your teammate and friend, yeah."

"You know what I mean, asshole," he snapped, eyes narrowing.

"Why would I be here if not for her? Why would I go through all this shit if she didn't ask me to, hm?"

"It's a common tactic for spies to get close to someone and play on their feelings," Sai said. "You might be pretending to care for Sakura so that she will fall in love with you and go out of her way to help you…like she has been."

"Isn't it the other way around? Sakura was the spy, remember?" he said pointedly.

"You're right. Interesting that you've forgiven her so easily for that," Kakashi remarked.

"It _wasn't_ easy," he shot back. "We were barely starting to speak to each other again before all this happened. But Sakura has proven several times that she never intended to manipulate or betray me. The fact that I'm sitting here alive right now is the best proof of all, yeah."

Naruto considered him skeptically. "We still don't trust you. This could all be part of an elaborate plot to get to me."

Deidara rolled his eyes. "We _defected_ from Akatsuki, you idiot. Madara wants us dead. We killed Zetsu during the escape, and I killed Hidan not a week before. They're hunting _us_ now just as hard as they're hunting _you_," he explained slowly, intoning his words like one talks to a child or simpleton.

Naruto took no visible offense to the condescending tone. Instead, he switched topics. "If you're really here because of Sakura, then what is she to you, exactly?"

Deidara sobered, momentarily putting aside his game of needling and mocking the other man. "She's my partner…in _every_ sense of the word."

After a heavy pause the jinchuuriki guardedly asked, "Do you love her?"

Deidara stared at him intently, and then scoffed, "Do _you_?"

"_Yes_, dickhead, I do. We_ all_ love Sakura-chan," he declared boldly, inclining his head to indicate the two men flanking him. "We want her to be happy and safe. She's more to us than just a teammate and a friend. Sakura is _family_, and we'll do anything to protect her."

Deidara and Naruto continued to glare each other down, but both pairs of blue eyes were filled with thoughtful appraisal of the other.

Finally, Deidara rolled his eyes and chuckled under his breath. "Drop the soap-opera, drama queen. We've got bigger issues to deal with, like putting that Madara's head on a fucking pike, yeah."

The future Hokage's eyes narrowed, but his lips twisted sardonically. "You're right," he admitted, "but this conversation's not over."

"Can't wait," Deidara said flatly.

With a final glare, Naruto turned on his heel and stomped out of the room, Sai and Kakashi following.

#

As they walked down the stairs toward the exit, Kakashi shoved his hands into his pockets and sighed. "You know…I hate to play the devil's advocate, but the guy did have a point."

Naruto cast him a sidelong glare, but Sai was the one to ask, "How so?"

"Well, everything he's had to go through—being captured, locked up, risking the possibility of execution, being jumped by a bunch of testosterone driven punks he could have easily killed in a real fight… And yet there he sits, quietly in that room with full chakra, not even attempting to escape."

"What's your point, Kakashi," Naruto grunted, still fuming as they emerged into the deserted street.

"My point is, I believe he _is_ doing it for Sakura. And if you think about it, what he's putting up with for her…it's not the kind of thing a man does for a woman he's merely screwing around with." He ignored the sharp glare. "It's something a man only puts himself through for a woman he loves…a woman he can't live without."

Naruto frowned without reply, and remained thoughtfully silent all the way back to the Hokage tower.

* * *

Sakura didn't even make it three blocks from Deidara's building before she was ambushed by a loud, obnoxious blonde who darted out of seemingly nowhere and tackled her.

"Sakura! There you are!"

She braced herself for impact and allowed her boisterous friend to fling her arms around her in a fair impression of a Tsunade-hug.

"You have no idea how glad I am to see you alive and safe and back home!" Ino squealed tearfully against her shoulder.

Sakura laughed faintly. "Not as glad as I am to _be_ home, Ino."

Ino stepped back, but kept her hands braced on Sakura's shoulders as she fixed her with an aqua stare. "I _knew_ you weren't an evil traitor."

Sakura didn't really know how to respond to that, so she simply gave a fleeting smile.

Ino didn't miss a beat. Linking her arm tightly through Sakura's, she began hauling her down the street. "I've been looking for you for _four_ days, you know. I can't believe you haven't come to see me."

"I've been busy clearing everything up…"

"And spending time with your new 'friend' eh?" Ino said slyly, casting a shrewd look over her shoulder. She was unfazed by Sakura's glare and tugged harder on her arm. "I think it's definitely time for a little girl-talk—"

Sakura planted her feet, jerking them both as they were forced to an abrupt stop. "Let go, Ino," she demanded in low voice. "I can walk on my own."

Ino's eyes widened in surprise, almost wary, and she pulled her arm from Sakura's. A moment later she brushed it off with a light laugh and began walking again. "Anyway, let's find a place to sit down and chat."

"It's after midnight…" Sakura hedged, hesitantly falling into step beside her.

"So? A few places are open twenty-four hours, or did you forget while you were gone? I've got so much to fill you in on! You wouldn't believe all the stuff that's been going on around here this past year…"

Sakura kept pace with her automatically, only half-listening to her friend's unfocused chatter. The only thing of real interest that caught her attention was the news that Tenten had gotten into ANBU a couple months back, to which she affably expressed her pleasure. It wasn't until they found an all night café and sat at a booth in the back did she really focus again on what Ino was saying, as the topic abruptly switched to herself.

"Soooo…." Ino began, bouncing across her seat until she reached the middle, "what was it like being a missing-nin almost an entire year?"

"It was great, Ino. Constantly running and fighting for your life while half-starving and living out of roach motels is the only way to go. You should try it sometime."

Ino wasn't put off by the deprecating response. "I know that part must have sucked, but it couldn't have been like that the entire time. What about when you joined Akatsuki? What was _that_ like?"

"…_Altering_."

Ino nodded sagely. "I'm sure. They all seem like monsters to me. I can't imagine the terrible things they made you do..." She trailed off, obviously hoping Sakura would tell her.

Sakura's expression soured, but despite her tactless, wide-eyed stare, she knew Ino meant well. "It's all classified and I can't talk about it. But…I don't think I would even if I was allowed to. And they're not _all_ monsters, Ino. Some of them were very…well, you couldn't understand."

The blonde sobered, appearing chagrined. "No…I guess I can't," she muttered.

Sakura's expression softened and she regretted being so harsh with her childhood friend. "I'm happy with just your support, Ino."

The door to the street opened with the chiming of a tiny bell, and Sakura's eyes shot to the entrance as a civilian couple entered and were greeted by the waitress. It only just occurred to her that she had unconsciously chosen the seat farthest from the door, and facing it. She supposed newly ingrained habits like hyper-alertness and always covering her back would stick with her forever. They weren't a bad thing to have in her line of work anyway.

"You know I'm always here for you," Ino said, smiling again. "You must have gone through a lot. It shows."

Sakura frowned slightly. "How so?"

"You're…different. Something in your aura, I guess. To be honest…you're kinda scary, Sakura."

She had to laugh at that, though it surprised her a little. "I guess you can't really survive a situation like that without growing a little tougher, or…darker," she sighed.

Their conversation paused as the waitress approached their table. Sakura was very hungry by now, and Ino could never sit and watch someone else eat without joining, so they settled on a large sampler platter of fried goodies and a pitcher of iced tea. When their server had gone and they were alone again, their conversation picked up where it left off.

"So," Ino began, her expression darkening considerably. "I heard that _Hidan_ was…revived somehow."

Sakura nodded somberly. "Yeah. Now _he_ really was a monster. There was nothing even remotely redeeming about him. I think the only person I've ever hated more was Orochimaru."

"Fucking bastard," Ino growled. "We went through so much to take him out after…"

"I got some revenge for you. I knocked him senseless and broke his bones a few times, and I took him out for a few weeks when I crushed his skull."

"Good. I hope you get even more for me when you go to finish the rest of them off." she seethed. "I'm sure Shikamaru will be going with you on that mission, and he'll definitely make sure to kill that freak for good this time."

"No need; he's already dead and gone forever," Sakura informed.

"For real? What happened?" Ino asked, eyes widening with sadistic curiosity.

"Deidara fought and killed him a few weeks ago, after Hidan tried to attack me as payback for smashing his head in. Deidara burned his remains and scattered the ashes on the wind from the back of his flying bird," she explained with a faint, satisfied smile.

Ino's brows rose and she smiled, pleased and impressed. "Well that definitely gives him some points in my book. And he did it defending you, so extra points for that." The server appeared with their drinks and informed them their order would arrive shortly. When she left, Ino continued in a more relaxed manner. "So what are you going to do now that you're back?"

Sakura sighed quietly. "It's not over yet. The real fight is still ahead of us. But after…I just want things to be normal so I can put the experience behind me and move on with my life."

"With Deidara?" Ino wondered, a sly glint in her eyes.

"Yes," Sakura answered, a little more defensively than intended.

Ino's full, glossy lips curled in a bemused smile, and she shook her head slowly. "What is with you and star-crossed love, huh? Why can't you ever find a nice, normal guy without a mountain of issues and a criminal record to fall for?"

"Because they're boring," she shot back teasingly.

The soft tinkling of the bell sounded again, announcing another patron. But this time, Sakura smiled as she focused on the person who entered. Seeing Sakura's expression, Ino turned her upper half around to see, and grinned.

"Hinata!" she called pleasantly, beckoning their friend.

The Hyuuga heiress had already spotted them and started to make her way over. She slid into the booth next to Sakura with a warm smile, and without hesitation, pulled her long-missing friend into a hug.

"Welcome home, Sakura. I always knew there was more to the story."

Sakura returned the hug, smiling as she noted the subtle changes in her friend, the most obvious being the absence of her oversized jacket. Hinata was still shy, her aura still a little timid, but underneath she was glowing. This newfound confidence had to be because of a certain someone, and Sakura vowed to get details from both sides very soon.

"You're just in time for the big scoop," Ino informed. "Sakura and I were just talking about her shocking new love interest."

"No, _you_ were being nosy, and_ I_ was considering ignoring you," Sakura clarified with a halfhearted glare.

Ino chuckled. "I'm _always_ nosy; you know this by now. You also know that you always talk eventually. Besides, I'm sure Hinata's really curious too. Hell, the whole village is curious about why you would bring an Akatsuki member back with you and work so hard to get him pardoned. I mean, what's so great about him that you'd risk your reputation even further and spark up all these rumors? From what I've heard he's totally insane—"

"He's _not_," Sakura snapped angrily. "He's not a lot of the things people say about him, and if these are the kinds of questions you want to ask then you can just fucking drop it right now."

Both Ino and Hinata stared at her with wide, wary eyes, and it was at that particularly tense moment that their waitress returned with their food. The three women were silent as the platter was set on the table. The server picked up on things quickly enough and left again.

Finally, Ino gave a faint, awkward laugh. "Jeez, Sakura…I didn't mean it in a bad way."

Sakura glared a moment longer, and then calmed herself by reaching for a large breaded shrimp and grumpily stuffing it into her mouth.

"I think what Ino was trying to say was: Deidara-san must be different from his reputation, for you to do all this for him and for him to agree to it. We're curious about him, and about how you came to care for him so much."

"Thank you, Hinata. That _is_ what I meant. I know sometimes I don't speak with a lot of – what's the word?"

"Tact?" Sakura said through a mouthful.

"Yeah. That. Anyway, tell us what you see in him that makes him so special," she urged. "He _is_ pretty damn fine, I'll give you that, but…"

Sakura sighed and washed down her mouthful, knowing she wouldn't get any peace until she gave in and participated in the 'girl talk.' "Fine," she conceded. "He's really smart, and he's an excellent shinobi; the kind of caliber you only see a handful of times in your life. He's a brilliant artist, and surprisingly knowledgeable about a lot of sophisticated things. He's also funny, and clever, and charming, and we have a lot of little things in common."

"Sounds like Mr. Perfect to me," Ino said dryly. "You sure you're not seeing him through rose-colored glasses?"

Sakura snorted. "Oh, no. He's nowhere _near_ perfect. He's opinionated, and snarky, and selfish, and sometimes he can be infuriatingly arrogant and smug, and he's short-tempered and reckless, and likes to piss people off for entertainment value, and…yeah. I assure you, I'm well aware of his faults."

"But it sounds like he has a lot of good traits, too," Hinata said.

Sakura smiled at her. "He does. But those are all just things I admire about him. That's not why I fell for him."

"It's the sex," Ino stated with a devious grin.

Sakura almost choked on her iced tea. "What the hell, Pig! _No_, it wasn't for the sex…in fact I think I was already falling in love with him before we ever went there." She fell quiet a moment, musing on her answer.

A soft smile graced her lips as she reflected. "It was really hard for me in Akatsuki at times. I struggled with the things I had to do, with the mask I had to wear. More than once I wondered if I was losing my mind, and I was always afraid in the back of my mind that I wouldn't make it out alive." She took a deep breath. "Deidara was the one who made it bearable. Sometimes, when it was just the two of us, I was even _happy_. He made me laugh when I wanted to cry, made me forget where I was and what I was going through. And when it got really bad, when I thought I couldn't take any more and nearly broke…he was always there to support me. He didn't even know _why_…he was just _there_, always trying to make me feel better or make it a little easier to cope with. I am completely certain I wouldn't have gotten through the ordeal without him…not as myself. Everyone is already telling me how different I am now, and it still scares me to think about what I could have become if I didn't have Deidara keeping me centered."

The women were quiet after she finished, thinking over her story.

"I guess it's true you can't always judge someone by their past or reputation," Hinata mused.

She nodded. "In some ways Deidara is misunderstood…and in some ways he's not. But I accept all of him, the good and the bad, just like he accepts all of me. That's what real love is. Everything I thought I knew of love before was just a scratch on the surface."

Ino shook her head slowly, grinning. "I _told_ you you were a fixer. You certainly picked a hard case this time."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Don't hate me because I have a mysterious talent for charming the wild bad-boys."

"Hey, I'm perfectly happy with the stable, comforting guy I've got, thank you. And because of that I can honestly say I understand what you mean about acceptance."

Sakura grinned knowingly. "You finally told him, huh?"

Ino beamed. "Yeah...I had to get a little drunk to do it though," she admitted.

Sakura laughed incredulously. "You've gone into battle with Akatsuki, yet you can't even confess your feelings to your childhood friend?"

"Hey, I did it!" she defended. "I just needed a little liquid courage. It's harder when emotions are involved, you know that. At least I didn't wait an entire decade like Hinata here."

The dark haired girl blushed beet red, but Sakura came to her defense. "Leave Hinata alone, Pig, you're a lot bolder than she is anyway. Tell me what happened before I beat it out of you."

"See what I mean about scary? Jeez…" she laughed. "Okay, fine. A couple months ago I finally decided to tell him, and I invited my team out for drinks, only I told Shikamaru beforehand that if he showed up I would make his life hell, and he knows I _can_—"

"He probably wouldn't have shown up anyway," Sakura cut in with an amused smirk.

"He probably already figured what you were planning," Hinata added.

"You're both probably right," she shrugged. "Anyway, so Chouji and I go for drinks, only it takes longer than planned to spit it out, and I kept having drink after drink trying to work up the courage…and, well, you can guess what happened. I ended up blurting my whole heart out in a really childish, inarticulate way…completely humiliating if I'd been sober…and then I passed out on him. Literally _on_ him, right there in the bar."

"Ouch. So what happened after that?" Sakura asked.

Ino smiled and a faint blush colored her cheeks. "I don't remember the rest of the night, but when I woke up the next day with a killer hangover…Chouji was there. He'd carried me home and slept on my couch. We talked, and I tried to apologize for being such an idiot, but he stopped me and said even though it wasn't my best speech ever…he was really glad I told him, and that he'd felt the same for a long time. Like seven years. He stayed and made me breakfast, and…it just went from there," she finished softly.

Sakura smiled. "That's quite romantic, actually."

Ino's grin widened. "Yeah…and now we all have someone we love. We should celebrate our collective romantic bliss with a rowdy girls' night out when Tenten gets back from her mission."

"Sounds good to me," Sakura agreed.

"Anyway, I don't know how we ended up talking about _me_ when we were supposed to be talking about _you_." Ino's eyes glinted and she grinned slyly. "Now that we've talked all about love…I want to know about the sex."

Sakura gave her a flat glare. "I am _not_ having this conversation."

"Oh come on, Forehead! We're your best girlfriends; you're obligated to talk about this stuff with us."

"Since when? And why does _everyone_ always want to know about the sex?"

"Gee, I don't know…maybe because he's gorgeous and has _two_ _extra_ _mouths on his hands_," Ino said pointedly. "And don't even try to tell me he doesn't use them like that…"

"Shut it, Pig. You're making Hinata uncomfortable," Sakura evaded, glancing at the blushing girl next to her.

"Actually…I was kind of curious about that myself…" Hinata nearly whispered, not meeting anyone's eyes as she blushed three shades redder.

Sakura groaned and rolled her eyes. "Not you, too! Ino has corrupted you."

"I think it's probably more like Naruto who corrupted her," the blonde retorted. "Two against one, Sakura. Now fess up. What's it like?"

Sakura stared indignantly back and forth between her friends, and then sighed heavily in defeat. "Mindblowingly amazing. And that's all I'm going to say," she answered, and covered her grin by sipping from her glass.

"_Moving on_…" She set her glass down and turned to Hinata, ignoring the amused grins of her two friends. "We never did ask you why you were wandering around this late or how you found us here."

"I was looking for you, actually," Hinata explained. "I checked the Hokage tower first, then Ino's place," she looked at Ino, "oh by the way, Chouji-kun wanted me to remind you not to stay out too late since you're having breakfast with both of your parents in the morning—"

"Wait—you're living together?" Sakura cut in.

Ino grinned. "Yeah, we got a new place a month ago. Mine had too small a kitchen. Chouji's mom is teaching me how to cook and I'm _actually_ enjoying it, can you believe that? Anyway, I'm not the only one shacking up. Hinata finally convinced Naruto to move out of that closet of a bachelor pad he was living in and get a real place. The Rokudaime can't be living in a dump, after all."

Sakura just laughed and shook her head. "Well good for both of you. You were saying, Hinata?"

"Right. So when I didn't find you there I even wandered close to where they're keeping Deidara-san…but I was too nervous to ask the ANBU…and finally I looked in the open cafés and eventually found you here."

"Why were you looking for me?"

"Uh, well…I wanted to see you and welcome you back…but I also felt I should tell you something about Naruto-kun."

Sakura frowned slightly. "What is it?"

"Um…we were at home tonight and an ANBU came to see him. Whatever he said…Naruto just took off with him, barely even saying a word to me. He wasn't gone long, but when he came back he was upset and angry. I finally got him to talk and…well…he and your teammates went to see Deidara-san tonight," she finished hesitantly.

"_What!_ When was this?"

"A little over an hour ago. They confronted him because the ANBU reported that…that you'd been in his room for hours tonight."

Sakura was seething. "Damn those three! It's none of their fucking business!" She slammed her hand down on the table with a loud _thwack_, rattling their glasses. The few other patrons as well as the waitress were turning to stare, but Sakura didn't care. "What did they say to him?" she demanded.

Hinata blanched under the force of her outrage. "I-I don't really know…I'm sorry. Whatever happened made him really grumpy and sullen, though. I tried to tell him he's overreacting to all of this…but you know how he gets when he's stuck on something. He's kind of being an intolerant jerk about it, which isn't like him at all…and I told him so…which surprised him, I think. But…I think it would be best if you talked to him. Maybe if you explained it like you did to us he would understand."

"Oh, I'm gonna _talk_ to him, all right. Where is he now?"

"He's at home. I think I kind of stunned him when I got mad and left to find you," she explained with a faint, bemused smile.

Sakura gave a short laugh. "Good for you, Hinata. If you're gonna be with Naruto you need to know that subtlety doesn't always work on him. Sometimes you just need to beat it into his head."

Hinata slid out of the booth to let Sakura out. "Don't hurt him too much?"

She stood and straightened her skirt, her expression ominous. "No promises."

* * *

After getting directions from Hinata and a hasty promise to talk later, Sakura sped across town, scaling rooftops and skipping entire blocks, noting absently that she moved faster through the familiar streets than she used to.

She found the place in less than five minutes – much nicer and in a better part of town – and promptly laid three resounding raps on the door. It pulled open shortly and Naruto's expression quickly shifted from disgruntled curiosity to complete surprise.

"Sakura-chan, what—"

He cut off abruptly as Sakura shoved past the door – moving him with it – and forced her way into the apartment. He closed the door quickly but as soon as he turned around he was driven back into it by Sakura's rough push.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Naruto? What the hell do you think you're doing harassing Deidara like that?"

He scoffed incredulously. "_Harassing_ him?"

"_Yes_, harassing him! About something that's none of your goddamn business! You can't treat him like a common prisoner! He has a legal, sanctioned deal with Konoha and as the impending Hokage you damn well _know_ that!"

Naruto crossed his arms over his chest. "I was just getting a few things straight with him, that's all. It's not like we kicked his ass…" He frowned. "How did you find out, anyway? And how did you know where I moved to?"

"Hinata."

He was taken aback by that. "Hinata?"

"That's right. She told me to come and lay some fucking sense into that thick skull of yours. If even _Hinata_ is pissed at you then you should _know_ you're in the wrong."

Naruto glared. "Hey I'm just looking out for you! Why am I the only one who has a problem with that guy being here!"

"You're the only one who's being a pigheaded asshole!" She crossed her arms over her chest and gave him an appraising stare. "You know, Hinata made a good point; it's not like you to be so intolerant of people. You've accepted plenty of former enemies as comrades in the past, so what's the problem this time? Is it because of me? Because we're involved?"

His expression darkened. "Yeah, that's right. Is it such a fucking problem that I care about you and don't want to see you get hurt again?"

Sakura sighed. "It's a problem because you don't know the first thing about Deidara to make those kinds of assumptions, Naruto. It's a problem because we're not sixteen anymore. I'm a grown woman and I can decide these things for myself."

"I know that, Sakura. But I know how you are and I'm not just gonna stand by and watch you fall into the same hole as before, devoting yourself to a guy who doesn't deserve you. He's a—"

"A _what_?" she cut in sharply. "An enemy? Not anymore. A bad guy? Like I said, you know next to nothing about him. Yes, he is a criminal. He's a rogue ninja who's never held any loyalty to anything but his own ideals. He's a dangerous man with questionable morals. But he is also a good person, Naruto. Deep down, in the ways that really matter, he is. I wouldn't love him so much if he wasn't."

"You loved Sasuke too, and look what he turned out to be. Look what he put you through," he pointed out quietly.

Silence stretched as the weight of their past settled around them. Sakura sighed slowly and gave the faintest nod. "Yeah, I did once. So did you. We both know Sasuke had goodness in him to the very end, but people can always go wrong. Sasuke deliberately walked down a path of darkness. Deidara has been stuck in darkness for most of his life, and now he's trying to walk out of it. There is a world of difference there. And does it really matter how or why he's doing it? Whether it's for me, or for himself…what matters is that he wants a better life than the one he's had and he's willing to do what it takes for it."

Eyes filled with muted bewilderment, he quietly said, "You really do love him, don't you?"

Sakura nodded. "I do, very much. I need him, and he needs me too, and I refuse to let him go. I know you understand what I mean."

Naruto did, and the seconds ticked by as he regarded her with a small frown. "…You would actually go that far for him?" he asked in a disbelieving, almost hurt tone.

Sakura didn't waver. "I would."

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "I really don't understand you sometimes, Sakura-chan."

"Yes you do, because you know what it's like to understand someone in a way that no one else does." She watched him carefully as her words sunk in. Her angry posture relaxed, her arms falling to her sides. "I just came home after almost a year, Naruto. I missed you _so _much, and I don't want things to be like this between us."

"Neither do I," he murmured ruefully, his shoulders slumping.

"If you're willing to actually listen…I'll tell you about him. About everything I've been through," she offered.

Naruto nodded slowly. "Alright." He gestured toward the interior behind her. "Let's go sit down, instead of standing here in the hallway," he said almost teasingly as he made his way around her. "Do you want some tea or something?"

"Sure," she replied, then slipped off her boots and followed after him.

The main living space was an open floorplan, the sitting room connecting to the kitchen and dining room, and Sakura gazed around with interest as she took a seat on the sofa. Naruto hadn't even _owned_ a sofa before. "I definitely didn't think you'd ever own a place this nice," she remarked.

Naruto chuckled as he entered the kitchen and pulled two mugs out of a cupboard. "I know, right? It's all Hinata's doing. She picked everything out, _and_ only let me pay for half of it. She's got everyone fooled, I'm telling you. She's quite forceful when she wants to be." He grinned affectionately.

Sakura smiled. "Oh, I know. She opened up to her girlfriends years ago."

"Did she say when she would be coming home?" he asked over his shoulder from the sink.

"She'll probably hang out with Ino for a while. She knows I came over here to slap you around."

Naruto grimaced. "You're not really gonna hit me anymore, are you? 'Cause I'm really not up for it tonight…"

"That depends on how much of a jackass you are. What the hell did the ANBU tell you that had you running to get in Deidara's face anyway? It can't be just because I went to see him. You _knew_ I would."

Naruto busied himself with picking at something imaginary on the countertop.

"Naruto…" she warned.

He stopped and turned around, but didn't meet her eyes. "They just told me that you'd been there for hours and hours, and that…theysawyou," he muttered in a rush.

Sakura stiffened. "_Saw_ us? What do you mean, _saw us_?"

He looked up warily, hands braced on the counter's edge as if preparing to hide or run. "Yeah, like…uh…through the window..."

"You didn't _tell_ them to spy on us, did you?"

Naruto shook his head and rapidly waved his hands back and forth in front of him. "No no no! Why the hell would I _want_ anyone to tell me something like that?"

A tense moment passed and he held his breath, clearly expecting her to start rampaging.

Instead, Sakura gave a short, sardonic laugh. "Voyeuristic assholes. Well…I hope they enjoyed the show." She glanced his way and saw him staring at her with his mouth open. "What?"

He shook his head with a raised brow and went back to pouring tea into the mugs. "_He_ said the exact same thing," he muttered. "Like, word for word."

Sakura smirked and gave a small shrug.

"You've changed, Sakura-chan," he declared quietly.

"I know," she agreed wistfully. "After everything I went through, the truth is I'm more like him now than I am like the rest of you. But I'm still me, you know?"

He gave her a perplexed look as he made his way over, and she was pretty sure he would have scratched his head if both hands weren't occupied. "That doesn't really make sense to me, but okay…"

She took the mug he offered, curling her fingers around the warm ceramic, and turned sideways to lean against the cushion, facing him and tucking her legs underneath her.

Naruto sat back as well, studying her with hesitant curiosity. "Alright. I'm listening. Tell me about how you saved him, or whatever."

"We saved each other," she clarified. "No one but me knows this, and please don't ever mention it to anyone – especially him. I'm telling you because I know you of all people can understand." She waited for his nod of agreement before continuing. "Deidara grew up a lot like you did; alone, and feared or disliked by nearly everyone. He was born to civilians, and his bloodline limit is the first of its kind. His parents were ignorant and superstitious, and they abandoned him when it manifested at age five. They literally _sold_ him to Hidden Stone."

Naruto's brow pulled downward in a frown. "_Sold?_ That's—"

"Atrocious, I know," she affirmed. "He grew up alone and unhappy, but unlike you, no one ever acknowledged or respected him. Think about it honestly, Naruto; if no one in Konoha had ever accepted you and given you a chance, do you really think you would have stuck around all these years, still determined to be Hokage? Or would you have gone off alone to make your own way."

Naruto was quiet for a long, thoughtful moment. "I don't know," he murmured finally.

"But you of all people can understand how a person might harbor a lot of resentment, and act out because of it?"

He sighed slowly and nodded. "I used to, you remember. And Gaara…he was really hateful for a long time." He met her gaze searchingly, as if something significant had just occurred to him. "You were the first person who acknowledged him, not as a shinobi, but as a person?"

Sakura smiled softly. "That's right. And because of that he has always been good to me, always been there for me. My time in Akatsuki changed me, Naruto. You see this already, and you'll see it even more as time goes on, I'm sure. Deidara's support and friendship was the only thing that kept me going…kept me sane. I've said this over and over, and it really is true. I felt like I was sinking, tearing myself apart over some of the things I had to do."

His expression shifted to one of concern. "Like what? Will you talk to me about it?"

She nodded slowly, almost hesitantly. "Alright, but some of it is really ugly."

"It's okay," he assured, "I'll never judge you."

She gave him a small, grateful smile, and then she told him about all of the terrible things she'd done while in Akatsuki. She spoke of that poor civilian boy and how she'd participated in his torture, witnessing his needless death and not being able to do a thing about it. She talked about her orders to kill a man who betrayed Akatsuki, and how she had done it in front of a crowd of witnesses, in cold blood. She talked about the Hachibi extraction. She talked about how all of those things had affected her inside, but that she was unable to show it on the outside for her own survival. She talked about her nightmares. And lastly she talked about how Deidara had been there with her through all of it, how he had supported her even when he only knew half of what she was really going through, how he was her only outlet in which to express her frustration, fear, guilt and anger. How he was her only source of comfort.

For the longest time afterward, Naruto just sat there with a troubled frown, staring blankly at the untouched mug of cooled tea in his hands. Finally, he met her gaze.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that," he murmured glumly. "And…I'm glad you had someone to be there for you." He sighed in defeat. "Alright, Sakura-chan…I promise I'll try to get along with Deidara for you."

"It won't be as hard as you think. You two are more alike than you realize."

Naruto merely grunted, looking mildly offended.

Sakura smiled, feeling much lighter than before. Naruto would come around eventually, she knew. No one was more willing to cross boundaries and accept people than he was. He just needed time and a chance to get to know Deidara.

She stretched and shifted her legs before they fell asleep, sliding her feet between the top and bottom cushion, her ankle touching his thigh. "Since _that's_ out of the way, there are a few other things I wanted to talk to you about."

He looked at her curiously. "Like what?"

"About Sasuke…about what happened to him." She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Itachi didn't kill him, Naruto. Uchiha Madara did."

His bright eyes widened. "How do you know that?"

"Itachi told me so, and I know he was telling the truth. He told me a lot of things that were very…disturbing. Shocking, actually."

She related the whole story, as Itachi had related it to her—the truth behind the Uchiha massacre, his secret mission and resulting exile, Uchiha Madara's plans for the brothers, and the terrible truth of their teammate's death. By the time she finished, Naruto was near tears, filled to the brim with grief and anger. Sakura was nearly crying as well, for she had been holding it in since she had learned the truth, waiting for this moment, when the two of them could lament together over the tragedy that had consumed their friend.

"How can such horrible things happen in the world, and nobody even knows?" he murmured in angry disbelief. "Sasuke's death…his entire _life_…it was all for nothing! It was all lies and misconceptions!" he growled, his fist clenching.

"I know," she murmured. "And Itachi, too…he was probably the biggest victim of all for what was done to him…and then having to live with that knowledge, to see the hatred in his brother's eyes…"

"It's so fucking unfair. All of it. And I can't believe the geezer bastards responsible are still around making people miserable!" he seethed.

Sakura nodded. "I know. It makes me sick. You have no idea how badly I wanted to punch them both in the face during that last meeting. But…" she sighed, "it's up to you and Tsunade-sama how you want to deal with the information. If I had my say all three of them would be stripped of their positions and forced to retire. Get yourself a new council."

"That's a good idea," he agreed. "I was kinda planning on that anyway, once I take over. This village is long overdue for a serious restructuring of power. I won't let things go down the way they have in the past."

"Good. But you know…what happened to the Uchiha clan isn't the only dark secret in Konoha's past," she said. "And there are other things too, things that aren't even terrible, yet have been kept under wraps for years…"

Naruto smirked and gave her a knowing look. "You mean like the truth about my father?"

Sakura gaped at him. "I only had a guess about it, but…you _knew_?"

"I've suspected for years. I mean, come on—how dumb do they think I am, really? It only stares me in the face every time I look in a mirror."

"Why didn't you ever bring it up?" she wondered. "Doesn't it make you angry? Hell, I'm angry _for_ you. I mean, if it's true then I don't understand how they could let you grow up the way you did!"

"A little," he admitted. "Baa-chan told me who my mother was years ago. I think she wanted me to figure it out. I don't get why they haven't told me, either. Especially now. But don't worry; now that I'm gonna be the next Hokage I can find out anything I want, and I _will_ learn the truth."

He flashed a cheesy grin, and she couldn't help but smile as well, amazed at how much the obnoxious, troublemaking kid she'd been stuck with as a teammate had grown over the years.

"There's one other thing I wanted to talk to you about," she said after a moment, sobering again. "It's about Itachi."

Naruto focused on her intently, something in his expression she couldn't quite make out. "What about him?"

"Well, you know Akatsuki believes he's dead. But I don't think he is. They think Team Kakashi killed him, that there was even evidence to prove it. But a lot of things don't add up. I want to know what you know about this," she insisted.

The barest hint of a smile he couldn't entirely hide played on his lips. "We didn't kill him," he affirmed. "The truth is—"

He was suddenly interrupted by a sharp knock on the door.

Sakura sighed irritably as Naruto got up and went for the door. Was she _ever_ going to learn what happened to that damn Uchiha? However her focus shifted when she saw it was an ANBU at the door.

"Uzumaki-sama, Haruno-san. The Godaime needs you both to report to the tactics room. Please make your way there immediately," the masked woman informed.

"It's the middle of the night," Naruto said with a hint of annoyance.

"It is an emergency meeting," the ANBU clarified.

"Something must have happened," Sakura said, already moving toward the door where they stood.

Naruto met her gaze, and she could see he was rapidly listing all the possible scenarios in his mind, just as she was. He nodded to the ANBU and told her, "We'll be right there." With a single nod, she left.

"What do you think this is about?" he asked her as they pulled their boots on.

"I don't know, but it can't be good," she replied ominously.

He nodded his silent agreement and they left the apartment, launching from the walkway's iron railing to the rooftop and quickly flickering out of sight.


	22. Swirling Colors

**Vertigo**

Chapter Twenty-Two: Swirling Colors

* * *

The tactical planning room in the Hokage tower was already bustling when they arrived. A few people huddled over a table littered with maps, while others lingered here and there, waiting for something to begin. Everyone was talking; the minimally furnished meeting room thrummed with tension and the murmuring of low, anxious voices. A pot of fresh brewed coffee sat on the counter in the back, filling the air with a pleasant if slightly burnt aroma.

Sakura scanned the room and took note of everyone present. Around the center table stood Shikamaru, Neji, Morino Ibiki, and a few ANBU captains, illuminated starkly by the bright florescent light overhead. Ino and Hinata stood off to one side with Ino's father, Yamanaka Inoichi. A few heads turned their way as they entered, but what surprised Sakura also compelled her toward the group standing in the back of the room: Kakashi, Sai, and Tenzou – with Deidara.

Deidara didn't seem very happy that his presence was required, and judging by the occasional wary and suspicious glances sent his way, neither was anyone else. Knowing him as well as she did, Sakura could tell that he'd been roused from sleep for this, which, given his prolonged state of exhaustion, probably accounted for a lot of his surliness. As she crossed over to them she noted that he was unrestrained, and briefly wondered whether her teammates were surrounding him to guard him, or to keep everyone else away. It might be a little of both.

Naruto, a step behind her, was the one to address their teammates as they drew up to them. "Do you guys know what this is about?" he asked, looking mostly to Kakashi.

"If you don't know then I certainly wouldn't," the Copy Ninja replied mildly, reminding Naruto that he now held a higher rank than himself.

"Why aren't there more people here? Are we early?" Sakura wondered aloud, shifting around her teammates until she stood beside Deidara. His hair was different, she noticed, gathered into a low ponytail with a section still covering his left eye; proof that he had been in a hurry. It looked good that way, though, and she thought she might mention it to him later. His blue eyes met hers and she gave him a small, but warm smile. One corner of his mouth quirked just slightly.

"This isn't a regular tactical meeting. All the necessary preparations for war were made with the strategists and tacticians a couple weeks ago, after your last message. This meeting is about something more specific, and much higher classified" Kakashi said.

"It's about Akatsuki, in some way or another," Tenzou added. "The Hyuugas and the Yamanakas must be here because of their unique abilities."

"Then this must be about Uchiha Madara," Sakura ventured. From the corner of her eye she saw Deidara's expression harden at the mention of their incalculably deceptive enemy.

It was everyone's unspoken assumption that they were only waiting for the Hokage, and they were right. Minutes after Sakura and Naruto's arrival, the soundproof door swung open and Tsunade briskly entered,trailed by her ANBU detail.

She addressed them immediately, crossing the silenced room to the center table, next to Shikamaru. "I know it's unusual to call you all here in the middle of the night, but this is an unusual circumstance. We have received critical information and we must act immediately." Naruto drifted over to take his place at her side, and everyone else converged on the map-laden table as well.

"What's happened, Hokage-sama?" Shikamaru asked.

"Our scouts have reported that Akatsuki's mercenary force has mobilized. They are moving toward Konoha as we speak."

Everyone momentarily stilled as a silent wave of alarm and tension rippled through the room.

"Do we know if their numbers have gone up since the last report?"

"They haven't. Not by any amount worth considering, at least."

"How long until they reach our borders?" asked one of the ANBU captains.

"They won't cross alone," Shikamaru answered. "According to the last report they number around two thousand, which puts them nearly equal with our main combat force. They will most likely wait to receive word from Mist and Cloud, and possibly Stone, until they vastly outnumber us and can converge on Konoha from all sides."

"I've dispatched a hawk to Suna informing them of the situation," Tsunade said. "We already have the Kazakage's word to come to our aid, and hopefully they can mobilize in time to catch the mercenary force from behind and decimate them before they reach us."

"ANBU should also be on the watch for any foreign birds that could be carrying messages between the armies, and intercept them," Naruto said to the masked captains across the table, who nodded their assent.

"Even if we interrupt their communications, with those numbers…it's only a matter of time," Kakashi said ominously.

"Kakashi is right," Tsunade agreed. "Another Great Shinobi War is coming if Akatsuki is not stopped. However, I believe the other villages won't go through with the attack if Akatsuki is eliminated."

Shikamaru raised a questioning brow. "How do we know that?"

"Because they're mostly doing it out of fear," Sakura explained, stepping forward to the table as all eyes turned to her. "Deidara and I were the ones sent to speak with the Raikage about it, and he explained his reasoning to us quite plainly. Stone and Cloud…they do this because they believe their villages and people will be spared once Akatsuki has achieved its goal. If the threat of Akatsuki were eliminated for good, they would have no reason to attack."

"Why don't you just send messages to the other Kages explaining that their operating on false promises?" Deidara suggested flatly.

All eyes suddenly turned to the explosives expert, and the tension in the room tightened noticeably.

"Excuse me, Hokage-sama, but why is _he _here?" one of the ANBU captains demanded. "Are we really going to trust an Akatsuki?"

"He is here because_ I_ called him, because like Sakura, he has extensive knowledge of Akatsuki's plans. He is no longer one of them. He is now allied with us, and henceforth you _will_ regard him as an ally. Is that understood, Captain?" Tsunade replied sternly.

The ANBU captain murmured his assent, but through the eyeholes of his mask, his glare at Deidara was clearly readable. Deidara ignored him completely.

"That goes for all of you," she continued authoritatively, amber eyes scanning the faces around the table. She turned to Deidara. "A good idea, though it may make no difference as long as the fear of Akatsuki remains. But it's worth a try. _Anything_ is worth a try if it means preventing a war that will claim thousands of lives. Which leads me to the real purpose of this meeting." Everyone's focus sharpened intently. "Uchiha Madara is the key. We _must_ stop him once and for all. Given what we know about him that seems nearly impossible, but there _has_ to be a way, and we are here to discuss that.

"However before we proceed any further, I remind you that this meeting is classified at the very highest level. What is seen and heard in this room tonight will not leave it, or the consequences will be severe. Is that understood?" she said curtly, her eyes lingering longest on Ino. The infamous village gossip shrank a little under her intimidating stare and quickly nodded with the others. Satisfied, the Godaime nodded to the ANBU by the door, and they pulled it open.

Four more ANBU entered from the hallway, and in the center of their cluster walked Uchiha Itachi.

Bursts of shock and outrage ignited around the room as the infamous clan killer was recognized. Sakura gasped, and Deidara started visibly. The only people who did not appear surprised were her teammates. Noting this, she inwardly fumed that they'd withheld this information from her since her return.

Though less outwardly imposing than his masked escorts, Itachi's presence commanded attention and radiated underlying power. Strangely, the ANBU surrounding him seemed more like an entourage than a guard detail; wary and alert, but also respectful and even a bit admiring. Perhaps one or two remembered him from his days as a captain among them, and certainly they all knew of his legacy as one of the best their shadowy faction had ever seen.

His Akatsuki cloak and ring were gone, of course, as was his hitai-ate; he wore only simple dark clothing, and the change in him was striking. He looked younger, but at the same time appeared tired, aged beyond his years in ways that didn't fully show on the outside. He glancedher way, and Sakura's mouth tightened slightly as she thought shesaw the shadow of a smirk play across his features. Most of the pieces clicked together then, but she was still irritated that he hadn't given her any clue about his disappearance and 'death,' and frustrated that she wouldn't be able to get any answers until the meeting concluded.

Tsunade preemptively and sternly addressed everyone, "Uchiha Itachi's crimes against Konoha are not the issue of discussion here, so don't even bring it up. He is also no longer a member of Akatsuki. He is here as a special liaison."

"And why would he work with us?" Neji asked disdainfully, speaking up for the first time.

Itachi's gaze slid to the Hyuuga's, unfazed by the blatant animosity directed his way from nearly everyone. The seconds ticked by as he silently regarded the other man. He allowed the moment to stretch tight as a wire, and thenfinally answered, his smooth voice carrying cleanly through the weighted silence. "I hold no loyalty to Konoha anymore, but neither do I wish to see it destroyed. Uchiha Madara, however, I _do_ want to see destroyed."

His answer mollified a few, but the majority were still on-edge and distrustful. Neji continued to glare at him, as he'd periodically glared at Deidara before the Uchiha's arrival, but made no further comment.

"Itachi has been close to Madara for many years. There is no one else alive who knows more about him, his strengths and weaknesses," Tsunade stated. "He has offered to share that knowledge with us."

The unspoken question filled the silence that followed: _in exchange for what_? But no one asked—the only questions in their minds were ones the Hokage preemptively forbade, and so remained unvoiced.

"So what can you tell us?" Shikamaru asked, giving no sign of his opinion on the Uchiha's presence.

"As some of you may know," Itachi began, "the body Madara is now using is not his own, but the body of another Uchiha who died in the last Great Shinobi War."

"Which Uchiha would that be?" Naruto asked, slightly skeptical.

"I don't know, and at any rate, it is irrelevant to the current situation."

The impending Rokudaime's eyes narrowed a fraction, but he didn't press the issue. Sakura knew her teammate had a deep distrust of Itachi, and with good reason, but she also suspected that his hatred had morphed into uncertainty with the revelation of Itachi's true past. He had always been one of his most despised enemies, for both Sasuke's sake and his own. Naruto wasn't quite sure how to deal with the 'real' Itachi.

"What _is_ relevant about his current container," the Uchiha continued, "is that it is weak and crippled, as it was at the original owner's time of death. Madara's own body was at the end of its time; he was a very old man, and had never fully recovered from his defeat at the hands of the Shodai. It was clearly his desperation to remain an 'Uchiha' that led him to transfer into such an unstable form. That is his greatest weakness."

"But how strong or weak he is doesn't really matter if we can't land a hit on him. Last time every attack went right through his body," Naruto said pointedly.

Itachi nodded. "Yes, which leads me to his greatest strength: the Sharingan. Madara possesses an Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan—the ultimate form of our bloodline limit in which the person never loses his sight."

"How is that possible?" Neji asked skeptically.

Itachi leveled a flat stare on the Hyuuga. "By taking the eyes of a direct blood relative who also possessed the Mangekyou form; a practice which was not uncommon when Madara led the Uchiha clan. He took the eyes of his younger brother."

"Disgusting," Neji sneered. The archaic resentment between the Hyuuga clan and their bloodline offshoot, the Sharingan-possessing Uchiha, still ran deep.

"Perhaps, but every clan practices their own little atrocities, don't they?" Itachi said it mildly, almost conversationally, but the look in his eyes and the slight twist of his lips were clearly condescending.

Neji's jaw clenched tightly, and even Hinata was uncomfortable, though she was far from the center of attention. She relaxed a little when Naruto's hand discreetly found the small of her back.

"Stick to the subject," Naruto said, his eyes hardened in warning.

Itachi continued as if that little spike of tension hadn't occurred at all. "Every Mangekyou Sharingan possesses one or more abilities unique to the user. Madara possesses the ability to distort time and space; he is able to move himself at speeds too quick for even a Sharingan to follow, appearing to be incorporeal as he shifts through space."

"So that's why our attacks appeared to go right through him. Only they weren't actually passing through him, because in reality he was no longer there. He just moved so fast that our eyes hadn't registered he was gone," Sakura deduced.

"I was watching him with the Sharingan at the time," Kakashi said, "and as you said, I couldn't see him move. Though, I _did_ notice he appeared to blur out of focus before each attack."

"And that is all you will see," Itachi confirmed.

"If you know all this and you hate him so much, then why didn't you take him out years ago?" Naruto questioned.

"Even _I_ cannot defeat him by myself. It took many years to find strong allies among my fellow Akatsuki, but our plans were interrupted by unforeseen circumstances before they could be enacted. And now we find ourselves here." His eyes turned to Sakura and Deidara as he finished.

The Hokage crossed her arms over her chest. "Whatever he may be now, there is no denying that Uchiha Madara is one of the greatest shinobi to ever live. However, everyone has a fatal weakness, and he is no exception. We just need to exploit that weakness and figure out a way to kill him."

Shikamaru straightened and fixed his gaze on Itachi. "His eyes," he stated. "What he's doing is basically just a high level illusion technique. If we can somehow take away the use of his eyes, he will be susceptible to physical attacks."

"That would be the only way."

From that point they delved into various strategies and techniques that might be effective in blinding or otherwise hindering their target's sight long enough to deal a fatal blow. Itachi gave his opinion on which ideas would or would not work against a Sharingan user, apparently feeling no compunction about revealing the weaknesses of his bloodline. In the end they came up with only a few theories, all of them shaky and uncertain. No one was satisfied with their minimal progress, but they had exhausted their ideas for the moment.

"I'll think about it some more over the next couple days and see if I can't come up with something more substantial," Shikamaru said. "Sakura, Itachi; I could use your help with research."

He looked at both of them in turn. Sakura replied with "Of course," while Itachi paused just long enough to give the impression that he'd rather not, before finally giving a faint nod.

"There's still one other little issue we haven't dealt with," Naruto pointed out, drawing everyone's attention. His sunny features tightened in a frown. "Pein."

The room stilled as their thoughts turned to the other seemingly undefeatable Akatsuki.

"We know as little about him as we do about Madara," Shikamaru sighed.

"Then let's go over what we _do_ know," Tsunade commanded.

"According to the information we compiled when Jiraiya-sama was killed," he began, pausing a moment at the Hokage and Naruto's darkening expressions, "Pein is able to spread his consciousness through six different bodies, apparently all preserved corpses of shinobi he's defeated. He can control any number of them simultaneously, with real-time feedback on what that body sees and experiences. Basically it's like a shadow clone jutsu with no flaws, and he has no blind spots in combat. On top of that, each body has its own special purpose with its own powerful abilities, the details of which we don't entirely know."

"What Shizune learned through the autopsy of the body Jiraiya-sama killed, was that the black metal rods placed in the body are chakra receivers that enable Pein to control the bodies and use his various jutsu through them," Sakura added. "I have no idea how he switches bodies or where he keeps them; personally I've never seen any but the one." She looked to Deidara, "Have you?"

He shook his head 'no,' and she glanced at Itachi next, who replied "I have not."

"What about Jiraiya's code, then? '_The real one isn't with them_'…" Shikamaru wondered, scratching his chin in thought.

"I don't know…there would have to be another one controlling the main body as well if that were true. Konan grew up with him, and she acts as if his main body _were_ the real one, not a foreign possession of a person she once knew…"

"Perhaps she relates to the consciousness inside, as well as the main body, even if the consciousness and the shell were not originally the same," Itachi suggested.

"That would mean there was another person who somehow took over the other's body. Every time she talked about their past, she never mentioned anything about a third. If it _is _true then what happened to that person? Are they controlling all six bodies, then? Do they even have a body of their own, or did they take over the 'main' body completely, and if so, what happened to _that_ person?" She shook her head, frowning. "It's all so complicated and…_weird_. I don't know. I wish I could have asked her."

"Samsara," Itachi said suddenly.

"Sam-_what_?" Naruto asked, nonplussed.

"His Six Paths of Pain," Sakura breathed, her expression brightening as the pieces fit together. She looked at Itachi and smiled a little. "You're right. That has to be it!"

"Can you explain to all the non-brainiacs in the room what the hell you guys are talking about?" Naruto complained.

"Samsara," Sakura explained, "is an ancient belief; the concept of rebirth into one of six different 'paths,' or states of being. In order to achieve enlightenment, one must experience each different path of existence. With Pein, each body must represent one of the six paths."

"If that's true then it would stand to reason that each body's abilities are representative of the attributes of those paths," Shikamaru mused.

"What are the paths?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know them all," Sakura admitted, glancing at Itachi. "Do you?"

"The lowest is Naraka, or the hell path; then Preta, the hungry ghost; then the Animal path; then Asura, the demon path; then the Human path; and finally the Deva, or god path," Itachi explained.

"Obviously Pein's 'main' body is the Deva, and that's why he calls himself a god, yeah," Deidara remarked dryly.

Naruto scratched at his scalp under the knot of his hitai-ate. "So then…what would the abilities be for each one?"

"There's no way of knowing for sure," Shikamaru answered, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration. "The only easy one is Animal, which would most likely be the ability to summon one or more creatures."

"We can guess at a couple, at least," Sakura said, brow creased in concentrated thought. "I did as much research as I could on the Rinnegan while on my mission. The possessor is said to be able master all six chakra elements, so it's very likely that Pein can use any jutsu in existence. Let's see…the Human…it's the physical realm we all currently exist in, so maybe that form focuses on physical, tangible things. Direct, physical attacks, maybe. Like Taijutsu."

"The hungry ghost is a state in which the appetite is never sated, and all that remains is the desire to consume," Itachi added.

"So maybe that form is used for consumption, or more specifically, _absorption_," Shikamaru hypothesized. "Absorbing chakra, maybe, or even absorbing damage. As for the other forms, I have no idea."

"It's impressive for on-the-spot theorizing," Tsunade acknowledged. "Add this to your research and let me know what you come up with. We have no time to waste. I want an analysis as well as a plausible strategy within two days. Don't forget to include information about the other Akatsuki, Konan, in your assessment."

Tsunade chewed her red painted thumbnail in thought, and then turned to the ANBU captains. "I want the border patrols doubled and the range widened, and be on alert for any messages attempting to pass over or through our territory." The captains all nodded in assent, and the Hokage addressed the rest of the group next. "Based on Shikamaru's forthcoming analysis and the ideas we came up with here tonight, I will assemble a platoon that will move out in three days." She turned to her successor. "Now Naruto, I know you want to be part of this, but—"

"Oh _hell_ no, Baa-chan, don't even try to tell me I'm not going!" he cut in.

Tsunade frowned at him. "Naruto, this is Akatsuki we're going up against. There may only be three of them, but they are the strongest of the bunch and if they get their hands on you then it's over for all of us. I know you understand that, so think rationally!"

"I _am_ thinking rationally! This is all happening because of me, isn't it? How can I let people fight my battles for me and risk their lives – or _die_ – because those bastards want the demon inside of me, while I sit back here and do nothing? What kind of Hokage will I be if I ask my people to do what I wouldn't do myself? I refuse to use my comrades as a shield! I'm going. That's that."

"No, that isn't _that_," she snapped, returning his glare. "I understand how you feel, and so does everyone else. No one thinks you're hiding from this. But as I just said; this is Akatsuki we're facing, and they only need _you_ to bring Madara's plan to fruition! If something goes wrong and they get their hands on you—"

"They _won't_," he said firmly. "If the battle goes badly and we're losing, if there's no chance for us to win, then I expect everyone to do the right thing – the _necessary_ thing – and make sure they _can't _take me."

"That's extreme and outrageous, Naruto, and no one would be able to go through with it anyway."

"Then I'll do it myself!"

He was met with stunned silence. Tsunade blinked slowly, her lips parted in disbelief. "You can't be serious."

"Do I look like I'm not serious?"

His blue eyes burned with fierce resolution and it was clear that he meant every word. The reality of it elicited shocked and worried stares from the people closest to him, most especially Hinata, who had become ghostly pale, and Sakura, who stared wide-eyed at her best friend. Sai, too, was openly stunned, and even Kakashi's usual air of apathy fell away,his dark visible eye clouded with unease. Deidara eyed him with a strange mixture of skepticism at his selflessness, and respect for his insistence in fighting his own battles. Itachi studied him with dark curiosity, his expression mostly unreadable, but almost…understanding. Naruto himself seemed almost surprised at his own intensity, his skin flushed and his eyes bright with adrenaline, but he didn't waver.

"They're not gonna get me," he declared with quiet vehemence. "I'm going."

The current and future Hokages stared at each other a long, tense moment. Finally, Tsunade closed her eyes and exhaled heavily. "Fine," she consented, "but I want your word that you won't needlessly sacrifice yourself. Only if all hope is lost."

Naruto flashed a determined grin. "Obviously."

She unfolded her arms and squared her shoulders as she considered the faces around the room. "I will have a team assembled in two days, and it will move out on the third. Since most of you in this room will be going, I suggest you prepare. That is all; you're dismissed." With that, she turned and left the room, her squad of ANBU following closely behind.

With much to consider, the gathered shinobi swiftly dispersed until only Team Kakashi and the three former Akatsuki remained. As the others left, Sakura caught several parting glances ranging from curiosity to overt suspicion. Ino appeared to wantto stick around and approach them, but she was subtly yet firmly steered from the room by her father. Hinata braved her nervousness around the two s-class criminals in order to press herself close to Naruto's side. Sakura very much understood; his extreme declaration was deeply upsetting to her as well.

When everyone else had gone, Sakura turned to her teammates. "I oughta beat you all for not telling me about this," she growled in halfhearted anger, glaring at all three men.

"We planned to," Sai replied, "but we haven't seen much of you since you came back. We also weren't entirely sure you didn't already know, since you were working with Itachi."

"You could've asked. And don't think I'm not pissed at all of you for what you did earlier," she added warningly, but left it at that because she didn't want to argue about it in front of Deidara.

That was their cue to leave, apparently. Naruto simply rolled his eyes, slipped an arm around Hinata's shoulders, and walked out, towing her with him. He was still a little upset about their argument, and obviously didn't feel he was in the wrong and saw no need to apologize. Kakashi and Sai both made lame excuses and half-assed promises to talk to her later, typically evasive of confrontation, and left as well.

Sakura fixed a fierce jade gaze on the stoic Uchiha. "And _you_! Why the hell didn't you tell me what you were up to?"

Itachi appeared just the slightest bit amused by her indignation, for one brow quirked slightly. "There wasn't time. You were away and Madara intended to kill me. I barely made it out as it was."

"Still. Thanks a lot for putting me through the ringer trying to figure out what to do. You could have at least left me a sign or a message."

One corner of his lips curved minutely. "I knew you would be able to conclude that I wasn't really dead. Don't tell me you were worried about me."

Sakura scoffed and punched him in the arm. Itachi didn't dodge; his only reaction was to blink slowly – barely a reaction at all – but she knew it hurt because she hadn't done it lightly. Deidara snorted under his breath and didn't bother to hide his smirk.

"Is it out of your system?" he asked flatly.

She rolled her eyes a little. "For now. Where have you been hiding all this time?"

"I'm quartered in a secure bunker in the Hokage Mountain. As you can imagine, they don't want me anywhere near the rest of the village, though it's unnecessary; I have no desire to interact with Konoha's citizens. I am only here for one reason."

"Does Tsunade-sama know the truth about you?"

"She does now."

"Good. I told Naruto tonight, but I hadn't had a chance to tell her. From Naruto's reaction, I think the people responsible are about to get their pedestals knocked out from under them," she said with a dark smirk.

"That was not my intention in revealing the truth to the Hokage, but it's just as well. My brother is dead; there's no reason to hide the truth any longer."

A moment of wistful silence passed at the mention of Sasuke, before Sakura spoke again. "How did you manage to organize all of this?"

"I took a calculated risk," he answered. "I entered Fire territory and sent an encoded message to the Hokage, and then waited at the designated rendezvous point for Team Kakashi. From there we faked my death with a mock battle, though I think at times Naruto forgot it was supposed to be staged."

"I don't doubt it; at the time he still thought you killed his best friend," she said pointedly. "What did you say in your message to get her to believe it wasn't a trap and actually send Naruto along?"

"That I knew the truth about you, and that we had an arrangement. I said it wasn't safe for you anymore and that if you managed to escape, your return to Konoha was imminent. I assumed you had mentioned Madara and our plan for dissention among Akatsuki's ranks, and I corroborated the details."

"I guess we were all lucky that things went as well as they did. This is certainly the last possible outcome I expected from our little plan," she said with a faint, dry laugh.

"Indeed. Especially your presence here," Itachi said, looking at Deidara with a faint smirk. "I knew you cared for her, but I didn't think you would go this far."

Deidara, who had been uncharacteristically quiet tonight for reasons Sakura couldn't guess, leveled a flat glare on the Uchiha. "Looks like you were wrong, yeah."

"Clearly."

Their eyes locked for a long moment, one man appraising, the other almost defensive. To break the tension that always seemed to build between them when they were around each other for any length of time, particularly uncomfortable since it involved_ her_, Sakura steered the conversation back to the topic at hand.

"So…will you be coming with us?" she asked Itachi.

"I cannot. My eyes have deteriorated further, and I would be of little use."

She frowned. "Your Sharingan is not what gives you an s-ranking, Itachi. Even if you were completely blind, you're better than most shinobi will ever be and you know it."

Itachi shook his head slightly. "Even so, I will not be going. Firstly, I doubt it would be allowed; I don't have a mutually beneficial arrangement like Deidara does. And secondly…a fight of this magnitude would likely be too much for me as I am. I am not hesitant to die if it means killing Madara in the process, but I will not do it for Konoha's sake. I have sacrificed more than enough for this village already."

The hint of bitter resentment in his tone filled her with chagrin. "I understand," she said quietly, and gave him a faint smile. "You've helped us a lot just with the information you gave. It's more than Konoha deserves from you."

Deidara looked back and forth between them with a small frown, having no idea what they were talking about and clearly not liking that fact. He had never been keen about her connection with Itachi, Sakura knew, though he'd never openly voiced it. If he were jealous of Itachi in any way it shouldn't be over _her_; that was absurd. But he held a deep resentment of Itachi for many reasons. His relationship with her was probably the least of them.

"I think those guys are anxious to shove us back into our dark little holes, yeah," he remarked dryly, changing the subject as he glanced at the group of ANBU obtrusively lingering outside the open doorway. Sakura and Itachi both looked their direction. "But before they decide to haul us away, there's one thing nobody mentioned tonight."

They both looked at him, and Sakura asked, "What?"

"I assume the critical factorin our aborted rebellion would have been Pein's reaction when helearned thatMadara deceived him all these years, manipulating his fanatical ideas and delusions of godhood for an entirely different outcome. Madara isplaying him, and if he found out he wouldn't take it lightly, yeah."

Itachi confirmed it with a single nod.

"That's right; you said your plan was for Akatsuki to tear itself apart. The Rinnegan trumps the Sharingan. The Rinnegan trumps _everything_. If Pein turns on Madara…he may be the only one with a good chance of actually defeating him!" Sakura exclaimed.

"And Konan will follow Pein, no matter what," Deidara added. "The original plan may have fallen through, but there's no reason why that part of it couldn't still happen. Too bad we wouldn't be there to see Pein lose it. Now _that _would be an artistic explosion, yeah."

"If Pein finds out the truth, there may be nothing left of Madara for us to go after," Sakura mused. "Why didn't you bring this up earlier, at the meeting? They would have listened to you."

Deidara was not shy, and not at all hesitant to speak his mind, no matter who was present. His unusually reserved demeanor could just be the result of exhaustion and a trying week, she figured. Or it could be a sign of something deeper on his mind.

He frowned slightly. "I'm bringing it up now, aren't I?"

"It may be better for it to be handled within Akatsuki, as was originally planned," Itachi said. "Pein still doesn't know what happened to the two of you, nor does he know that you were a spy, Sakura. He will be more likely to believe you if he doesn't know these things."

She nodded thoughtfully. "Hm, that's true. Pein will never believe a warning from Konoha. But I need to tell Tsunade-sama about it, at least. The message won't come from this village, but they need to know what's going on and what could potentially happen."

Itachi gave the faintest shrug, indicating he had no objections.

"I'll write a letter tonight and send it with an unmarked hawk in the morning," she said. "It should reach Rain before we move out." She worried her lip between her teeth a moment, thinking of what she and her comrades were up against, and what they stood to lose. She thought fearfully of Naruto and his extreme vow. Finally, she sighed. "Here's hoping he believes us."

* * *

Three days later a platoon of Konoha's finest set out to track down and eliminate what remained of Akatsuki. They couldn't go to the Rain village itself, where Pein held absolute control and every citizen was a devoted follower, so they headed southwest, to the open territory that bordered both countries, where the Akatsuki fugitives had taken Zetsu down a little over a week before.

The plan was that Madara would learn of the kyuubi jinchuuriki's presence out in the open, and being overconfident, would personally come after him. If Sakura's message failed to arrive or wasn't believed, there was a chance that Pein and Konan would come as well. Akatsuki's mercenary army was moving on Konoha, but the three Akatsuki members themselves would only be concerned with Naruto, and would follow wherever he went.

Surely they would sense a trap, but they would also certainly consider themselves too powerful to be concerned about it.

The strike force consisted of sixteen of Leaf's most skilled shinobi. Naruto was commanding and his teammates were all with him, as well as Tenzou to help control the situation if he had to call up the kyuubi's power. Team Gai was there for their abilities in taijutsu and physical combat, including a fairly overwhelmed Tenten who had returned from her ANBU mission only the night before they set out and had been briefed on the entire mountain of facts and events in a few short hours. Hinata, Kiba, and Shino were there for their combined tracking abilities. Shikamaru was there for strategic advice, Ino for her mind-control abilities and as a secondary medic, and Chouji to guard both of them in battle. And of course, Deidara.

Deidara's presence among the Konoha nins – most of whom had known each other since their genin days and had interpersonal bonds as well as experience working together in various combinations – was the subject of many hushed conversations and uncertain looks in the explosives master's direction.

Could he really be trusted? Would he use the opportunity to escape while they were out in the wilderness? What was he even _doing_ here? Was he really going to fight on their side?

Sakura had heard most of it by now. Each time, she snapped to Deidara's defense, irritably pointing out that they were supposed to be her friends, and that a lack of trust in Deidara was, by extension, a lack of trust in _her_. Some of her comrades relented, and some, like Lee, even apologized. Others, like Neji, were clearly not going to change their minds anytime soon. Deidara himself was not unaware of the talk; at one point she thought he was going to punch Kiba, who made a crass comment deliberately within earshot. For whatever reason, Deidara restrained himself. Sakura was relieved, grateful for this rare reserve of self-discipline. If he had acted on his anger it would have led to a very tense and counterproductive confrontation involving more than just the two of them.

That hadn't stopped Sakura from giving Kiba an impressive black eye, though, since the comment had been about her sex life. She was _really_ getting tired of everybody talking about that all the time.

As the day wore on the cracks and remarks abated, eventually ceasing altogether. When they stopped to make camp for the night and shared an evening meal, a few of her open-minded or just plain curious comrades settled near her and Deidara and tried to make conversation, which turned into something more like an interview of the missing-nin, with Deidara reluctantly and guardedly answering most of their questions.

Sai asked why he was so gung-ho about killing Uchiha Madara, and at that point Deidara seemed to forget his caginess and went off on a mini-tirade about his history with Madara, aka Tobi. The story seemed to relate him to the others in a small way; they could identify with him a little better than before, he seemed more human and less like one of the sinister villains they had feared all these years. He wasn't their enemy anymore and Sakura thought they might be beginning to see that.

After a while everyone wandered off to their bedrolls, and now only Sai remained seated across from the central fire with the foreign artist.

Returning from a catch-up visit with Tenten, Sakura passed by Naruto leaning against a tree near the very edge of the circle of firelight. His usually sunny presence was subdued, and he nodded to her. "What have they been going on about for so long?" he asked mutedly.

"When I left they were talking about art," she said, stopping next to him.

"They certainly seem…_into _it."

Sakura smirked. "Of course; it's their _thing_. They haven't killed each other yet, so they must be agreeing about something." She observed them, noting the way Deidara gestured animatedly as he talked, and the way Sai leaned forward with his head tilted slightly like he did when he was fascinated and trying to learn something new. They were arguing, but it was an argument between people who were very passionate about the topic, not angry. She had to smile. Deidara might just be on his way to making his first friend in Konoha.

"Eh. They're both weird," Naruto remarked flatly.

"At least Sai is willing to talk to him."

"Hey, I said I would try."

She turned her head to regard him. "But are you?"

Naruto crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm leaving him alone. That's the best I can do right now."

"You're a leader now, Naruto. If you don't accept him, no one else will. Legally, maybe, but not personally."

"I know. But I can't until I see proof."

Her expression tightened. "Proof of _what_?"

"That he loves you. That he's not going to treat you like shit, betray your trust, and take off when he thinks he's got something more important to do elsewhere. I know what you _say_, Sakura-chan, but I also know you don't have the best taste in men."

She scowled resentfully at him. "It's like you weren't even listening the other night. Deidara is _not_ another Sasuke."

His expression clouded, and he sighed. "I'm just having trouble adjusting to it, okay? Even_ I_ can't be happy-go-lucky all the time."

She studied him. "Adjusting to _him_, or adjusting to _me_? I know I've changed and I know what people are saying about me. I know what they think; I can see it in their eyes. Is that what you think, too?"

His eyes widened, almost hurt, and he shifted to fully face her. "I would never think badly of you, Sakura. You _know_ that. The people who think those things…they're idiots, okay? Don't listen to them, because they don't know you."

"I'm not bothered about the villagers and their ignorant gossip," she clarified, "I'm talking about the people who _do_ know me. It bothers me that everyone is so wary of me now."

"Honestly, you were always a little scary," he said with a half-grin, trying to lighten the mood, "and it doesn't help that you hospitalized five ANBU your first week back."

"They had it coming," she replied darkly.

Naruto chuckled softly. "See? It's stuff like _that_ that freaks people out. I admit those guys deserved it, though. And then, people see you talking so easily with Deidara and Itachi; Akatsuki members, notorious criminals… They see how comfortable you are with them. From the outside you really almost do seem like one of them, sometimes."

"I _was_ one of them, Naruto," she said quietly, "regardless of intentions. In some ways I suppose I still am. I can't use my mission as an excuse. Whether or not I hated what I was doing is irrelevant. I still did it. People are right to judge me for it."

"No, they're not, Sakura," he said firmly. "People are judging Tsunade-baa and me for letting this all happen, as much as they judge you for initiating it. And you don't even want to know what they're saying about Itachi being around. This is what happens when some people know things that others don't, and they make decisions based on that knowledge that others can't understand. That's one of the first things Baa-chan taught me about being a leader. People can't understand why you love Deidara because they don't know what you went through together. They can't understand how you could associate with Itachi because they don't know the truth about him. It's not fair, but it's something you have to learn to live with."

Sakura smiled. "Listen to you, all wise and mature. Looks like I'm not the only one who changed over the past year."

Naruto grinned, but soon sobered. "Look—I'm grateful to the guy for being there for you when you went through all that, but that's not enough to convince me he deserves you."

"We've already had this conversation," she said tersely.

"I know, I know. But you can't force us to be best friends right off the bat, Sakura. When Gaara tried to kill you by crushing you against a tree, it took a long time after that for us to really be friends with him, remember? It's the same thing here."

"Not really. Deidara has never hurt me like that."

"Well, it's _kinda_ the same. It's true that Konoha sometimes accepts former enemies as comrades, but we don't just hand out respect and trust; they have to be earned. Just give it some time, okay?"

Sakura sighed, and nodded. "Alright. I know you're right. Sorry if I've been pushy."

He slung an arm around her shoulders, ruffling her hair. "S'okay." She returned the half-hug, pressing her palm between his shoulder blades. "I'm gonna head back to Hinata," he said after a moment, sobering a little as he pulled away. "She's been kinda upset the past few days."

"I don't blame her, Naruto. She's not the only one worried sick about you," Sakura said quietly.

He flashed her that signature grin and waved with a murmured "goodnight" as he walked away. It didn't escape her notice that this was the first time he hadn't tried to assure her that everything would be okay.

That was when she realized how blindly selfish she had been recently, trying to make her own little world be perfect again. _Look around_, the told herself, _this isn't a friendly camping trip we're on_. Everyone – friends, lovers, comrades – all around her they were grouped in couples or small clusters, talking quietly. The calm before the storm, when soldiers who have shared a lifetime of battles try to find comfort in what could be their last few hours together. They were shinobi, their reality was far from perfect, and they all had much bigger things to worry about.

She watched her best friend walk away until he faded into the darkness of the surrounding forest, and then made her way back to the fire. Both men greeted her as she sat down, and she pulled her legs to her chest and leaned until her shoulder pressed into Deidara's, staring pensively at the flickering fire as their conversation resumed.

#

Later, when Sai had gone, they retreated to their little corner of the camp to be alone. Unable to sleep, Deidara relaxed against the trunk of an old oak, using his bedroll as a cushion, and Sakura curled against his side with her own unzipped and draped over them both. Deidara had never been able to sleep out in the open; half his life as a hunted missing-nin had seen to that. Sakura hoped that perhaps, in time, he could learn to trust others to watch his back.

Away from the exposure of the fire and judging eyes, secure in the darkness with only the faint scattering of moonlight through the leaves of the forest canopy, he her to him and kissed her. Sakura had longed for it all day and she leaned into him, lingering there just long enough to grow breathless, but broke away with a smile before it had a chance to smolder into something more.

"Sorry I haven't had much time to spend with you the past couple days," she told him ruefully. "I've been stuck doing research and tactics nonstop."

"I've been bored to death, but it's okay," he said. "Being a genius has its disadvantages; people expect you to figure everything out all the time, yeah."

"You're just as smart as I am."

Deidara smirked. "But they don't know that, do they?"

Sakura reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together. "What's bothering you?" she asked quietly, changing the subject to what she really wanted to talk about.

"Nothing's bothering me," he said, but his tone implied while nothing may be _wrong_, it wasn't all roses either. After a moment he shrugged a little and sighed. "I don't know, I guess I'm just…adjusting."

Sakura huffed wryly. Adjusting. Everyone around here was _adjusting_, weren't they.

Deidara studied her a moment, before asking, "What's bothering _you_? All day you've been kinda…"

She raised a brow. "Bitchy?"

He gave a fleeting smirk. "_You_ said it, not me."

"I know I have been," she sighed. "I'm adjusting too, I guess. And I'm irritated by how some people are acting toward me."

"Because of me?" he guessed.

"Partly. And partly because of _me_, because I'm different than I used to be."

"What did they expect? They don't know what you dealt with. How many of _them_ could have done it and come out half as successful, hm?"

"I have you to thank for that," she said quietly.

Deidara shook his head. "Maybe a little, but mostly it was because of your own strength of character, Sakura. You never give yourself enough credit."

Sakura smiled despite herself. "I get that a lot." She tightened her fingers through his, taking strength from his returning squeeze. "But whatever. I don't care what anyone thinks about you and me, or about their stares, or what they say under their breath about us. I'm exactly where I want to be, by your side, and if they can't accept it, then—" she inhaled deeply "—then when this is over we'll go somewhere where no one cares, or even knows who we are."

Deidara shifted to better see her in the darkness. "You'd actually leave…for me?"

Sakura pondered that a long moment, and then gave a faint nod. "I think I would. I wouldn't ask you to stay if you're miserable, and I certainly wouldn't just give you up. But it's not only about you, Deidara. It's about me, too. If they can't accept you then they won't be able to accept the person I've become either. And if that's the case…then they're not the people I thought they were."

Her weary resignation deepened his frown, and he watched her a moment before turning his head to stare off into the darkness. "…What if I don't want to leave?"

His words were so quiet she had barely heard him, close as she was. "What do you mean?"

He didn't reply immediately, drawing on something deep inside to be able to answer. Finally, he sighed and expressed his thoughts.

"I guess what I mean is…it's not so bad, yeah. Better than I expected. I would think they were crazy or stupid if they all just welcomed me with open arms. And some of the people I've talked to in the last week aren't _that_ bad, I suppose. I haven't seen much from my little prison hotel, but—" He paused, met her searching gaze. "You've never seen Iwa; you have no idea what a completely different world it is from Konoha. In that place, what you did for me wouldn't even be an option; if you'd tried, your head would have been next to mine as a traitor. And that's just barely scratching the surface of the differences. Sure, when I think of a future with Leaf I see a lot of annoyances and a little boredom now and then, but I also see…"

"A _chance_," Sakura finished softly, unable to hide her smile.

"Yeah…I guess that's it."

A chance to be respected rather than feared, to be more than a tool and a monster. For true camaraderie and friendship, to be someone who matters to others. For happiness that he had both denied himself and been denied. For love, that he had never had and was only just coming to understand.

Sakura wanted him to be happy, and she knew that simply doing it for her sake wouldn't be enough for him in the long run. He had to want it for himself, for his own reasons. Her heart swelled at his admission; that he truly wanted to stay and give Konoha a chance, if it was willing to give him a chance too.

She snuggled against him, slipping her arms around his waist and resting her cheek against his chest. "I'm so happy you said that," she whispered, "and I do believe that things will eventually work out here for us."

Deidara's only reply was a small smile. He relaxed further against the tree trunk, allowing them both to get more comfortable, and wrapped both arms around her shoulders as he rested his chin on top of her head.

Colors were swirling all around her, it seemed. Black and white had merged into gray, and now the red of dawn was mingling with the green of leaves. It filled her with hope, no matter how daunting the task ahead of them might be.


	23. Betrayal's Tempest

**Vertigo**

Chapter Twenty-Three: Betrayal's Tempest

* * *

For two days and nights the Konoha platoon searched, waited, and searched some more, lurking along the edges of River country – close enough to draw attention, but never infiltrating. The Rain nins were not who they were trying to provoke. However, they had no luck attracting their target, and eventually some of them began to doubt. Perhaps Madara wasn't as well-informed as they had assumed, and had no idea that the last jinchuuriki was waiting right outside his door. Perhaps he knew and didn't care; maybe he intended to destroy Konoha first and leave the small band of Leaf nins without a place to return home.

On the second day, it began to rain: an icy, out-of-season torrent that soaked to the skin, a storm that allowed no shelter and did not cease. Sakura and Deidara had seen this unnatural rain many times, had been pursued by it once, and informed the rest with edgy certainty that Pein was aware of their presence. He did not appear, however, and they didn't know if that was a good sign or a very bad one. Ready for anything, battle-honed senses on high alert, they moved cautiously and kept up their guard. That night, no one slept.

And then, on the morning of the third day of their search, Uchiha Madara finally appeared.

He came out of nowhere; one moment they were crossing a large soggy glade between two strands of forest, devoid of life or motion, smothered by the driving rain,and the next he was standing before them, so suddenly that not even the elite trackers of Team Eight had sensed his approach.

The Leaf shinobi collectively tensed, immediately and instinctively fanning out in a loose arc around their target. Madara's reaction to this blatantly hostile formation was to raise a hand from his heavy cloak in a friendly wave, completely undaunted by the waves of killing intent flowing over him.

"Hello Leaf peoples," he greeted in a cheerful voice, irreconcilably different from the chilling, sinister tone Sakura remembered from the rooftop of Akatsuki headquarters. "I heard you went to all this trouble to throw a party for me; as the guest of honor it would be rude not to show up." He focused on the man standing front and center of the group, and clapped his hands together in delight. "Ooohhh, I see you've brought the kyuubi as a gift! Thanks!"

"The kyuubi will never fall in to your hands," Naruto retorted darkly. "It ends here, Madara."

"Ah, you finally figured out who I am! I was wondering how long it would take. Shinobi…they just don't make 'em like they used to." He sighed sadly, shaking his head.

This cheerful, almost foolish character before them was unrecognizable as the dark presence whose depth of malice had triggered Sakura's instincts, stopping them just in time on that stairwell weeks ago. He seemed like someone else entirely. This was not Madara. This was Tobi. It occurred to her that perhaps Tobi wasn't merely a caricature. Perhaps Tobi was indeed part of him, manifesting slowly as his sanity cracked and slipped away in a century of existence dedicated to obsession and revenge. The contrast was deeply disorienting, but Sakura knew better than to think of this person as anything less than the most dangerous man she had ever encountered.

Madara's unseen stare intensified. "The only reason you know at all is because a certain someone told you: a very clever, very troublesome little flower…"

He focused on Sakura, standing a few feet away. She felt the weight of his glare settle on her like a physical force, but remained cool and defiant on the surface.

"You know what they say: a shinobi who can't keep secrets is a shinobi who can't keep living."

Here was the sinister voice Sakura had heard before, and the calm, matter-of-fact way he said it left no doubt that it was more than a threat; it was a promise. Whatever happened here today, Madara intended to make sure she would not survive to tell about it. His attention soon focused elsewhere, but she was left with a chill that had nothing to do with the pelting rain. Madara could and _would_ kill her; she knew without doubt she was no match for him. She could only hope her comrades would keep him too distracted to single her out.

"You won't lay one finger on her you bastard," Naruto growled.

Madara wasn't paying attention to him. His gaze caught on Deidara, who had taken a protective step toward Sakura at the threat and now faced their enemy with barely restrained fury.

"Senpaiiii!" he hollered, waving his arm over his head in an exaggerated wave. Tobi was back to throw them off once more.

Deidara's lip curled in a livid snarl, his hands hovering menacingly over his clay pouches. "Drop the act, you twisted fuck. I'm gonna blow you sky high for what you did."

Madara-Tobi pretended offense. "Aww, senpai, that's not a very nice way to say hello after so long. I missed youuu!" He crossed his arms over his chest and canted his head to the side. "Though I have to say, _senpai_, I didn't think you had it in you to turn 'good guy.'" His tonedarkened, becoming Madara once more. "How disappointing to see you slumming with these insufferable, deluded pimps of justice. And all for a _girl_…no matter how cute she might be."

"It's better than being manipulated by a fucking lunatic who hides behind a cloak and mask, yeah."

Madara laughed, a twisted sound poisoned by black thoughts and an even blacker heart. "Lunatic? Pot and kettle, dear _senpai_, pot and kettle."

"I'm not your fucking senpai," Deidara growled, and his hand finally slipped inside the pouch at his hip. His control hung by a tenuous thread.

Their masked enemy was sadistically amused by his own mockery and the intended effect. "Alright then. I suppose it is time to set the games aside once and for all."

He turned to Naruto again, and the jinchuuriki tensed for a fight.

"Well, you're right about one thing, boy. It does indeed end here…for _you_. For me it's only the beginning."

"Why are you doing this? Why do you hate Konoha so much?" Naruto demanded.

"Hidden Leaf is a blight upon the shinobi world," he spat. "The first of its kind, an alliance of the most powerful warriors to create the most powerful military force in the world—it could have been magnificent! None could have stood in our way. But the Senju clan, with their fantastical ideals for a future of peace and happiness…" He scoffed. "As if a shinobi would know or have need of such things. Hashirama and his brother spread their nonsense like a plague, infecting even the most hardened of my battle-forged clan, poisoning them so that even I, their leader, could not convince them otherwise.

"I will never understand such men, who dream of things beyond their ken, who are willing to sacrifice everything – even their lives – to achieve a thing of shadows and mist. Peace…" another scoff, "…there is no such thing. If there were, we shinobi would have no existence in such a world. But the seed of false hope was planted in my kinsmen and others, and thus was Konoha born."

"Sounds to me like you're just pissed because they didn't want you as Hokage," Naruto remarked harshly.

"I was clearly the better choice," Madara declared bitterly. "Though in retrospect, I am glad not to have been chosen, because, had _this_ been my legacy …" His arm swept outward, a gesture encompassing the Leaf nins. His masked gaze fell upon each of them in turn, scathing and cold. "All of you…such despicable hypocrites, believing yourselves so different from those you call enemies. And _you_, a _jinchuuriki_, distrusted and feared by your peers…you're one of those foolish dreamers, aren't you," he sneered. "You imagine you are destroying evil…you imagine you are helping those who cannot help themselves…do you really think you make a difference? Make the world a better place? The world is a _cesspool_, and shinobi are the vilest of all for profiting from humanity's misery while telling themselves they are _helping_."

"And how are you any better?" Naruto shot back.

"Because I have never pretended to be anything other than what I am; a predator, feeding on carrion left by man's unending voracity and need to hurt and take from his fellow man. The shinobi of the world have lost their way, forgotten what they were _meant_ to be. With the power of the nine bijuu I will put an end to them, and Konoha will be first. And then I will put an end to _all_ governments, until all that is left are the helpless bottom-feeders…and me."

"You plan to create an empire, and set yourself at its head," Kakashi stated from Naruto's left.

Without waiting for their enemy's answer, Naruto growled, "That will never happen. We won't let you!"

Madara chuckled darkly. "You cannot stop me, pathetic Leaf nins. You don't have the power."

"We'll see about that, you crazy bastard. I'm gonna put a hole through that empty cavity where your heart should be!"

Madara's dark aura coiled around him menacingly, and though they couldn't see it, they could feel his sadistic grin, dark and twisted, writhing beneath the mask. "Eighty years of waiting and bringing my plan to fruition. Oh, how I'm going to enjoy watching Konoha _burn_."

Instantly, the semi-circle was engulfed in an enormous ball of flame. The Konoha nins scattered in every direction to escape the colossal katon jutsu. Fast reflexes had Deidara in the air on the back of his bird in seconds, pulling Sakura up as well. Gripping his waist, she scanned the ground below and saw that everyone else had escaped the blast, some more singed than others, and she was thankful for the rain that left them drenched.

As soon as they recovered themselves they attacked as one, going at Madara with everything they had.

Though Madara was certainly not what he once was, none of it was enough.

A brutal physical assault from Team Gai using lightning fast taijutsu and a barrage of deadly weapons was dodged and parried with what seemed like impossible accuracy, or simply passed right through their target. Tenten's weapons were turned back on her, and she took a spiked mace in the shoulder, fracturing her collarbone, before Neji's Kaiten deflected the remaining onslaught.

Kiba's beast clone technique was equally ineffective, and the shinobi and his dog were sent flying into a tree, where both collapsed and lost consciousness. Shino swarmed their enemy with kikai, trying to stick to him so they could track his movement more easily. Naruto tried to jump him with masses of clones, Shikamaru attempted to pin him down with a shadow bind…but he evaded every attack.

The Konoha nins knew their efforts would be mostly useless, but the idea was to come at Madara with so many varied attacks from so many directions all at once, that he would be distracted enough for their key move to succeed. At the same time, simply avoiding their assaults by using the power of the Sharingan would slowly drain Madara's chakra and eventually exhaust him. If they had to, they would take him down inch by inch.

With three of their number already out of the fight, they needed to act quickly before anyone else was hurt, or worse. Sakura squeezed Deidara's arm and leaned in. "I need to go down. Can you take me closer?"

He disliked the idea, but he circled them lower, closer to the fray. With a shriek the bird recoiledup again as the ground below erupted in another massive fireball. Naruto returned almost instantly with twice as many clones as before. Sakura wouldn't get a better chance than that. Low enough now, she made to leap from the bird's back, but paused when Deidara grasped her arm.

Their gazes met and held for a long, poignant moment, their mutual thoughts mirrored in each other's eyes;

_Be careful. Don't even think about dying._

Sakura gave him a small, reassuring smile, which he returned, and then she jumped down to the ground as the bird veered off to gain distance.

Making sure to keep out of Madara's line of sight, she stilled her mind and began making seals. The genjutsu flowed outward with flawless stealth, creeping over the sodden battlefield so subtly that even a master illusionist like Madara failed to notice. Naruto's shadow clones doubled and then tripled, swarming their target like enraged bees, and everyone in the vicinity took on the same appearance. Simple, but effective. As planned, under the genjutsu's cover, Neji and Hinata inconspicuously darted through the mass and reached their target's blind side. With the nonstop jostling of the assaulting clones, Madara didn't notice that two of his attackers weren't fake Narutos until several of his chakra pathways had already been hit.

Sakura felt the spiderweb threads of her genjutsu rip apart only a second before Neji and Hinata went flying back with another explosion that destroyed the remaining clones. Hinata had taken the hardest blow, and from across the field Sakura could see the unconscious girl's chest and arm were badly burned.

Naruto was almost instantly at her side. Only moments later, Sakura felt that malicious tingle of chakra which, ever since that day on the bridge when she had first felt it, never failed to give her chills. Fear for the woman he loved had turned to rage, and he was steadily losing control; his aura condensed into a thin orange haze as one tail of roiling, flame-colored chakra emerged.

Ino, who was closer than Sakura, rushed over to help her injured friend. Naruto growled something at her, the blonde kunoichi nodded quickly and bent over Hinata, and then the transforming jinchuuriki flew at Madara in a frenzy.

Even with his chakra flow hindered and several pathways on his right side disabled, Madara appeared undiminished, his angry intent increasingly purposeful. Sakura didn't see what sent Naruto flying backward to land several feet to her left, but she did see Madara touch two seals tattooed on his forearms and summon forth a storm of hundreds of plate-sized shuriken which rocketed toward the disoriented jinchuuriki.

She called out in warning and he recovered quickly and prepared to evade, but with horror she realized there was just no way…

Suddenly the air was filled with pneumatic hissing, and Sakura instinctively crouched into herself as a slicing wave of tiny white missiles whizzed past her, so close she felt nearly raked by sharp wind as they shot straight toward Naruto. They collided with the oncoming shuriken in a series of rapid explosions, the impacts deflecting all but a few of the flying blades. Naruto evaded most of what got through, though he was hit in the calf before he was fully away. When he landed and recovered himself, he turned shocked eyes to the sky, gaping at the person who had just saved his life.

But Deidara had already moved on without so much as a '_you're welcome_' glance, the increasingly unstable flying construct veering away as he launched another volley of missiles directly at Madara. As he evaded the bombs Madara sent forth another wave of summoned weapons; thick, foot-long iron spikes this time, though not toward his former partner.

Sakura was fast, and Deidara was even faster, but neither was fast enough to fully evade or deflect this second attack. She dodged and shielded her vitals as best she could and tried to repress a scream but failed as a spike impaled her thigh and another went through her shoulder and she collapsed to the muddy earth. She tried to get up, knowing she was dead if she didn't get away, but the searing, agonizing pain was too intense and she fell again, dizzy and on the verge of passing out.

"_Sakuraaa!_"

Naruto was coming for her in a blur of orange and black, but those weren't his boots that skidded through the mud as they suddenly appeared before her bleary eyes.

Deidara had abandoned his failing bird and rushed to her side. She would have marveled once again at his incredible speed if she weren't nearly unconscious and if there wasn't another wave of deadly projectiles flying straight at them. With a few rapid hand seals a thick wall of solid earth rose up before them, shielding them from the barrage.

Seeing Sakura was okay and protected, Naruto changed course and vaulted over the top of the earth wall to go for Madara once more; the last thing she saw as he disappeared over the topwas a second tail of demon chakra.

Then Deidara was kneeling beside her, fearful concern in his eyes though his expression was one of tense, forced calm.

Sakura tried to smile at him through the pain. "I see you have more than a bag of exploding clay up your sleeve," she rasped.

He ignored her quip, hastily sweeping her hair from her clammy brow. "Tell me what to do," he said tightly.

She swallowed thickly and closed her eyes as she shifted. The sounds of fighting nearby dulled momentarily as her senses were dominated by pain. "Nothing vital was hit," she hissed. "Pull them out. Leg first."

Deidara blinked and nodded curtly, and then braced his palm against her thigh as he took hold of the rod in his other hand. Sakura took a deep breath and gritted her teeth as searing pain shot through her leg, and then the air rushed from her lungs in a gasping whimper as the rod was steadily and quickly pulled free, a gush of blood immediately spilling forth from the wound. He gave her a moment to recover as much as she could, then he was carefully rolling her onto her back as he repeated the process with the rod in her shoulder, which had gone completely through the other side. This time she couldn't prevent the small scream as fire lanced through her neck, back, and torso and she felt more blood saturate the front of her already soaked shirt.

Deidara repeatedly stroked her brow, a mutually comforting motion, neither of them noticing or caring that he got blood in her hair. She reflexively gasped a few more times before focusing on his concerned face. "Take me to the others…away from the fray," she managed.

He bent to her, cradling her head first. Gasping, tears of pain escaping her eyes, she bit her lip hard to keep from crying out again as he lifted her into his arms. She closed her eyes against the dizziness and kept them that way so his speed of movement wouldn't make it worse. A rush of wind and a gentle yet still painful jostle, and then she opened her eyes again as Deidara slowed to a walk. They moved under the forest's edge to where the other injured and their guardians had gathered. He knelt and very carefully lowered her to the ground, situating her between the thick roots of an old oak.

"I'll be all right," she assured weakly, grasping his arms for comfort and support as she settled. "Go back to the fight."

He gave her a hesitant look. "You sure?"

Sakura nodded. "I'm fine."

Before releasing her, his arms tightened around her, though he was careful not to hurt her. He lowered his head so that his lips brushed her temple. "If you ever scare me like that again I'll kill you," he murmured thickly.

She laughed faintly, then gasped and winced as the action caused more pain. "Wouldn't that be counterproductive?" she teased.

"Shut up," he breathed, a half-chuckle masking his relief.

She softly squeezed his arms to let him know she understood. "I'm okay," she assured again. "Go kick some ass for both of us."

Deidara's lips quirked in a fleeting smirk, and then he quickly moved away. She watched him run over to Tenzou and begin talking to him about something tactical, to which the older jounin listened with interest.

She immediately set to work on her injuries. The wounds couldn't be closed as they were; they needed to be cleaned of the mud and debris that seemed to cover most of her, but she was able to stem the bloodflow and dull the nerve endings surrounding the damaged tissue to make the pain bearable. Glancing around over the several minutes it took to do this, she observed the others in the rear echelon and took note of their injured states, already determining who to go to once she was able to move.

Kiba had regained consciousness, but a serious concussion prevented him from returning to the fight, and he currently sat against a tree much like herself with an unconscious Akamaru half in his lap, gently stoking the injured dog's massive head. Though not critical, they both needed medical attention. Tenten was awake as well and in extreme pain, pale and sweating as Lee did what he could for her. Her broken bones needed to be reset and someone needed to check for any fragments that might have broken off inside. Hinata was still unconscious and Ino continued to hover over her, diligently tending the severe burns along her upper right torso. Ino could stabilize her, Sakura knew, but wasn't skilled enough to truly heal her.

Unable to sit by and do nothing, Sakura fought against her own pain and crawled to her feet.

Before she could get anywhere another explosion knocked her off balance and she fell to her knees with a pained groan. Shouts rang out from the direction of the fight, and she turned in time to see Naruto come crashing backward end over end and roll to a skidding halt several yards away. Normally those gathered would have caught him, but they couldn't because the thin film of kyuubi chakra coating him would burn the skin off anyone who touched him.

In the distance, she saw flashes of Kakashi, Sai, Neji and Gai all going at Madara with everything they had. Madrara's movements were becoming slower, the Leaf nins' blows landing with increasing frequency. They were beginning to wear him down.

Suddenly Naruto clutched his head and fell to his knees with a guttural cry. Fear lurched in Sakura's stomach as she realized what that was happening. Seemingly of its own volition, her body got up and limped closer to within hearing distance.

"Naruto, try to stay calm," Tenzou urged, preparing to control the enraged jinchuuriki.

His words went unheeded, and with another inhuman scream, a third tail began to emerge from the intensifying, searing chakra.

"Naruto!"

"I _can't_!" he cried in a voice that was his and yet not, elongated nails digging into the wet ground. "Madara…the kyuubi wants his blood…wants to rip him apart…"

Naruto shuddered and convulsed, and the third tail grew longer.

"Tenzou…help!" he shouted desperately.

The wood user was already making the seals, and a groaning, creaking sound filled the air as several beams sprouted from Tenzou's palm and enclosed Naruto in a cage created specifically to suppress the emerging monster.

"Can you do it and still hold him?" Deidara asked Tenzou after a moment.

Concentrating hard, he replied without looking at him. "I have to focus on Naruto, so it won't be very strong…but yeah, I can do it."

Deidara nodded and began making seals. Tenzou kept one hand trained on Naruto's restraints, but turned his body toward the fight and Madara. When there was a gap in attacks and their comrades were clear, more beams burst from the ground and enclosed Madara in a cage. Their target momentarily trapped, Deidara followed with his own jutsu. The ground beneath Madara split open and rose up to swallow him, entombing him beneath rocks and earth. The crash of wood splintering and cracking reached their ears as the doton jutsu churned and crushed everything caught within.

But it didn't work. The deafening rumbling and crashing had barely subsided when the glowering form of Madara reappeared on the other side of the battle-torn clearing. His infamous teleportation jutsu, a skill of a supremely gifted user of the powerful Mangekyo Sharingan, allowed him to slip through at the last second.

"Motherfucker," Deidara growled angrily, as the other shinobi in the field recovered and moved in again.

The advancing Konoha nins never reached their target. The atmosphere was rapidly taking on a dark glow as intense pressure from the blackened sky pressed lower; everything appeared to slow to an ominous standstill as an overwhelmingly powerful and angry presence manifested on the battlefield.

Pein flickered into sight only a few feet from Madara. All six of him.

Konan appeared at his side a moment later and Madara turned away from his shocked and wary opponents to regard them both.

"Oh good. There you are. Now I don't have to do your job for you," he remarked acridly, though definite signs of strain and fatigue leaked through his tone. He dusted his gloved hands slowly and methodically before crossing his arms. "Kill them all, and take the kyuubi."

Pein didn't move. The air around them tensed significantly as the seconds ticked by.

"What are you waiting for," Madara demanded, a little testily.

"An explanation."

A scoff. "I don't explain myself to you."

"You will now," replied Pein, his ringed eyes cold as frozen steel.

From her distant position, Sakura's stomach churned with a combination of fear and elation. The fear was instinctual, because she knew Pein and she knew what it meant to hear that hollow tone and see those bizarre eyes burn with cold fire. Even if the force of his wrath had never been aimed at her, just being a bystander in the wake of his anger was enough to make her knees tremble. And now, with all six of him present, it truly felt like a god's wrath was about to descend upon them. The elation came from knowing that such palpable fury was turned entirely on Uchiha Madara.

Though Madara certainly had to feel it, he gave no indication of anything other than exasperation. "What exactly are you going on about?"

"You lied. All these years you've lied to us. Manipulated us."

A slow, comprehending sigh escaped him. "About?"

He knew, and everyone knew that he knew. Still he insisted on playing games. The air grew heavier, thicker, and the steady rain increased to a hard, driving torrent.

"Akatsuki. Our purpose. _Everything_."

An involuntary shiver ran down Sakura's spine. A blatant display of emotion from Pein was a very bad thing.

It didn't appear to have the same effect on Madara, who gave the most miniscule, indifferent shrug. "Everyone lies. Before blaming me, you should blame your own fanatical idealism for making you so gullible, so willing to believe in gods and angels and divine destiny."

"We were _children_," Konan retorted bitterly. "You took advantage of our destitution and grief. You are the worst kind of monster."

"And you are fools, for letting yourselves be so easily misled. I saved you both; you would be dead and bloated in the gutters like your friend Yahiko if I hadn't found you and given you something else to live for, your '_divine purpose._' They say that stray dogs are the most grateful…clearly that isn't the case.

"You should thank me," he continued pompously, "I am the one who created 'Pein' and set you on your pedestal as a god. Without me, you would be nothing. And _you_," he regarded Konan contemptuously, "_God's Angel_… I would have seen you dead along with the other one, but your beloved Nagato wouldn't have it. He was quite adamant about that."

A loud crack of thunder split the air, sizzling with the moist green smoke of ozone. The rain stopped as abruptly as it had begun three days earlier, but the sky grew darker.

Madara chuckled darkly. "Did I make you angry? You didn't want her to know about that?"

"The Rinnegan is what makes Pein a god. Not you," Konan declared defiantly.

"I thought enlightenment through suffering is what made 'Pein' a god," he returned pointedly. "Have I not added to that suffering? By your own definition I have contributed to your divinity. Another reason why you should thank me, and yet you have become so irritatingly confrontational of late."

"Why us?" Pein demanded.

"It's simple, really. The Rinnegan is a power not to be wasted, and the two of you were so vulnerable when I learned of you, so primed for what I needed. You have such power, but what would you have done with it on your own, Nagato? You were such a sensitive, tender child…only wanting the world to stop suffering. Only wanting to protect your fragile little sweetheart. Only wanting your friend Yahiko back. I gave you the means to achieve all of those things. You were too soft for this world, and the power you carry would have been lost to an inglorious early death. I tempered you through fire and blood, and made you what you are today. A monster. A god.

"You are angry, I understand that," he condescended, "but that is no reason to make such a fuss. We are professionals, and yet here we are, airing our dirty laundry in front of our enemies. Are you so bent out of shape over our little misunderstanding that you haven't noticed the presence of two of your precious lost sheep among our audience? Or…could it be that _they_ are the reason you choose now to confront me about what you should have known long ago."

"They are not why I am here. Our goals are not the same, and we will no longer be your pawns, Madara," Pein declared, his usually impassive voice rising in anger.

A long, tense moment passed, and then Madara sighed. "Very well. Go your own way if you wish. My vision will come to pass without you or Akatsuki, in any event. After all these years the two of you are still the same, still children dreaming of things that will never exist, and so you came here to whine and sulk. Did you break out your puppets just to argue with me? Or do you intend to throw a temper tantrum?"

"I intend to wipe you from this earth like the pestilence you are."

It was hard to tell what happened next. Another boom of thunder tore the air, the six Peins scattered, and then all hell broke loose.

The Six Paths of Pain were a force of nature; it was nearly impossible to keep up with the furious cascade of simultaneous events. The Konoha nins still on the shredded battlefield quickly retreated to escape the collateral damage wreaked by this clash of titans, falling back under the tree line with the injured.

Konan took to the sky in a flurry of tiny paper sheaves – no doubt Pein had stopped the rain specifically for her – and hovered over the battle like an angel of death.

All they could do was watch the mesmerizing chaos of Pein's wrath. Lightning lanced from the roiling black clouds and scorched everything it touched. Monstrous, demonic-looking beasts rose up and tore apart the earth they stood on. The forest on the other side of the clearing caught fire as trees were splintered and sent flying through the air.

"Can you get a better idea of what's happening?" Naruto asked Kakashi, having contained his inner demon enough to be released from Tenzou's wooden prison.

The Copy Ninja shook his head slightly. "With all this smoke even the Sharingan can't see everything, and their movement is unbelievably fast. But…" he squinted harder "it looks like Pein's main body has some sort of control over gravitational force. He's repelling everything Madara sends his way…though there seems to be a very small delay between repulsions, which is probably that body's only weakness. Incredible."

Naruto huffed in concurrence. "I know they're both the enemy, but it's pretty fucking amazing to watch, I gotta say. I'm glad it's not us out there."

"It could be soon. We can't afford to relax," Kakashi cautioned.

"Whoever is left will come for us next," Sai added.

"I'm not so sure about that…" Naruto mused, a thoughtful expression on his dirty face. The others looked to him curiously, but he only shrugged. "At any rate, we got lucky they decided to turn on each other. We'll let them destroy as much of each other as possible, then we go in after and clean up what's left."

With that, he turned and headed further under the forest canopy, limping slightly now that the rush of adrenaline and kyuubi power had worn off. The gash on his leg was better than before, and in a short while would give him no trouble at all; one of the few pros in a long list of cons tied to being a jinchuuriki.

He knelt next to Hinata and took the unconscious girl's hand between his, staring at her pale, dirt-streaked face, before regarding Ino and Sakura, who both worked steadily on her. "Are you okay to be doing this?" he asked his teammate worriedly, glancing at her freshly bandaged wounds.

"That's what _I_ said," Ino muttered.

Sakura sighed in exasperation. Riveting as the raging epic battle was, she had torn herself away to do her duty and she didn't want to be continuously questioned. "I'm fine," she said. "I stopped the bleeding and nothing vital was damaged. I got lucky. Hinata wasn't; she's critical, and I'll be damned if I'm just going to stand by and do nothing."

"I told her not to push herself," Ino said, talking as if Sakura wasn't right there. "I'm nowhere near the medic she is and I'm nearly at my limit. If she collapses we're all screwed—"

"I know how to do my job, now shut up and let me do it!" Sakura ignored their stares and kept working. Before anyone could say anything more, Hinata groaned softly and cracked open her eyes.

"Hey," Naruto said softly, one hand releasing hers to stroke her hair.

Hinata focused on him, blinked several times, made another soft murmur of discomfort in the back of her throat, and began to cry. Hinata didn't like to cry in front of people, ever, and they were all taken aback momentarily until the cause became clear.

"It's the pain," Sakura informed ruefully. "We gave her morphine, but…burns like this are one of the most painful injuries possible."

"I know," Naruto replied quietly. He didn't need to explain what the kyuubi transformation did to him every time. He leaned down and tenderly kissed her brow. "Sakura and Ino are taking care of you. You're gonna be just fine." She managed a tiny nod and weakly squeezed his hand.

Suddenly a deafening, inhuman roar rent the air, followed quickly by a jolting earth tremor and shouts of alarm behind them.

"_Look out! Get everyone out of the way!"_

Heads snapped up to see an enormous three-headed demon hound engulfed in flames come barreling straight toward them. Without time even for curses of alarm, the Konoha nins who were uninjured dashed madly for those who were and hauled them up before sprinting out of the way as fast as a shinobi was capable of moving. Only seconds later the massive summon crashed through the forest, crushing anything in its stumbling path before it finally collapsed onto its side and moved no more.

Shocked and disoriented by the summon's death-crash, the Leaf nins regrouped on the far side of the clearing. Both sides of the forest were burning now, leaving no place to conceal themselves. The injured were laid side by side, and Ino and Sakura resumed treating them while everyone else formed a defensive line in front.

From their new position on the battlefield they could see more of what was taking place and were surprised at what they found. Five of Pein's bodies as well as the multiple summons had been destroyed and lay in several places across the sundered earth, leaving only the main Pein and Konan still standing. Madara hadn't achieved this without cost, though, and he could be seen bleeding and moving erratically, exhausted and badly injured.

Suddenly Madara gained a burst of power and energy and disappeared. He reappeared a split second later directly before Pein, timing his attack within the extremely small window in the forcefield-like ability, and stabbed him clean through with one of the same spiked rods Sakura had been hit with.

Almost instantly Madara went flying back, but the attack had succeeded and Pein staggered. Not giving his opponent a chance to recover, Madara unleashed a colossal katon jutsu that Pein would not be able to avoid. But the gust of deadly fire was blocked, shielded by a massive flurry of white as Konan split herself into millions of little papers; a wall so thick that it consumed the majority of the flames, allowing Pein to leap to safety. It happened in seconds, and when Konan reassembled herself she immediately collapsed to the ground.

Time seemed to stop as Pein realized what had happened, cast a long look at his pale, unmoving partner, and then turned back to Madara with an expression of dark fury. A thunderous _boom_ tore across the chaotic sky and the torrent began again, along with a lightning storm unlike any they had ever seen as Pein attacked Madara in unbridled rage.

It was clear to the Konoha nins that both opponents were nearing their limit. The epic battle would soon meet its conclusion.

"Naruto, I think we should retreat," Shikamaru said, stopping next to him. "Those guys are going to kill each other and do our jobs for us. We're only going to be caught in the chaos if we keep standing in the way."

A long moment passed as Naruto stared first at the battle, then at the injured, lingering longest on the pale form of his love. He gave a faint nod. "Take the injured out of here, as well as a few to guard them, and head for Konoha. You lead."

"Alright. Wouldn't you rather have more fighters here, though?"

"We'll be just fine." He clapped the other man on the shoulder and flashed a grin. "Hurry before somebody gets struck by this damn lighting."

With a nod, he turned and did as ordered. They departed quickly, and Ino, Lee, Chouji and Shino went with them as healer and guardians, leaving behind the members of Team Kakashi, Tenzou, Neji, Gai, and Deidara to end it.

Sakura stayed behind to help those who were left, even though she was technically one of the injured. She limped over to Deidara, who stood near Sai and Kakashi, and leaned against him slightly. He turned a concerned and perplexed frown on her.

"Why didn't you go with them?"

The glare she gave him said he should know better. "Same reason you didn't. We're a part of this—more than the others. I'm seeing it through to the end. Besides," she glanced down the line at the faces of her teammates, "these are my boys. I wouldn't have it any other way, and neither would they. As long as I'm capable of standing, I will stand at their sides." She met his gaze again. "That includes you now." Deidara returned her smile.

Their attention was soon drawn to the battle again as Pein used his power over gravity to hurl several broken boulders at Madara, who was too worn down to use his Sharingan to escape and was hit head on. His swirling orange mask shattered, the broken pieces flying in all directions as the seemingly undefeatable Uchiha was hurled to the ground. That last effort appeared to be Pein's limit, and he moved heavily over to Konan's limp form and fell to his knees from exhaustion and blood loss due to his single, but grave injury. The furious storm decreased to normal rainfall.

Uchiha Madara, several yards away, lay unmoving in the mud.

"Let's go."

On Naruto's order they moved closer, stopping a few feet from the man they could now see wasn't dead, but was regaining consciousness and slowly rising to his knees. Before he could fully rise, Deidara dropped two small white objects to the ground, where they slithered toward Madara and enlarged into snakes before wrapping tightly around his torso, pinning his arms to his sides. At the same time, the sound of rushing wind filled the air as Naruto's Rasengan flared in his right palm.

Madara looked at them then, his face revealed for the first time in who knew how long. Half of his features were partially obscured under a film of grit and blood, and the other half was so badly scarred, and missing an eye, that there wasn't much to distinguish. It wasn't Madara's face, but most definitely retained the distinct characteristics of an Uchiha.

There was no fear in his solitary eye at the approach of imminent death—no doubt this man had lost the ability to feel fear along with every other emotion but scorn and hatred. Instead, he began to laugh.

"Pathetic," he rasped, dark, hollow amusement shaking his shoulders faintly. "You will kill me now…and the world will forever credit you, credit Konoha for it. But it is only because I am already weakened by a much stronger opponent. You could never have done it on your own. Your victory is hollow."

"You make the mistake of thinking we care," Naruto countered solemnly. "Not everyone sees the world as a series of victories and defeats. Not everyone measures life by amounts of glory or shame. And you're wrong about one other thing: the world won't credit Konoha with anything, Uchiha Madara, because the world forgot your existence a long time ago." Blades of wind began to spin around the whirling orb in his palm, becoming the deadly, perfected Rasen-shuriken. Naruto's sunny features turned frighteningly cold. "And I think that's why you hated it all along."

The last expression on Madara's face was a hateful scowl, before Naruto's fist tore a hole straight through him.

Silence descended as the shinobi stood in the pelting rain and watched their future Hokage hold his arm outward into the rain to wash away the blood and gore. There were no words or speeches; their very silence denied Uchiha Madara the glory and infamy he sought even in death. But words weren't needed for everyone present to understand the significance of this moment. Their greatest enemy, defeated. The greatest threat to the shinobi world, eliminated forever. For the eight jinchuuriki who had been hunted down like animals, tortured and murdered to further this man's delusions of grandeur, and for the few who had stood up to defend them and been cut down. It was fitting that the last jinchuuriki and those who protected him were the ones to deliver retribution and put an end to it all. And on a more personal level to a few present: for Sasuke, for Itachi even, and for their own personal vindication.

After a long minute passed, Naruto turned and made his way back to them. "It's not much, but I left a little piece for you," he grimly told Deidara as he passed by.

Deidara raised a questioning brow.

"I didn't hit his heart," he explained. "Thought you might want a proper goodbye." He passed him, but cast a final significant glance his way. "Destroy the body."

The former Akatsuki smirked in dark understanding. "With pleasure."

Deliberately casual, Deidara walked over to stand above the man who had betrayed him with tricks, mockery, and false idolization. He squatted next to the barely living form and stared into the single dark eye which even now burned with hatred, and with the most vindictive and cruel smile imaginable, placed a small white bird on what remained of Madara's chest. Satisfied that his smirking face would be the last thing Uchiha Madara ever saw, he stood and walked away. The bird grew in size as he did, and once he'd reached a safe distance, he turned around and murmured "Katsu!"

The huge blast sent a wave of heat and chakra over the gathered nins, and after watching the grim scene a moment they turned their attention to the other side of the destroyed clearing, where an injured Pein knelt next to his fallen partner, whose status was unknown.

"What do we do about them," Kakashi asked Naruto.

The younger man regarded the distant pair. "Protocol would dictate we kill them," he said.

"If you consider our track record, we've never been much for protocol," the Copy Ninja mused.

"That's true," his subordinate-turned-leader agreed, a slight grin curling one side of his mouth. "I think a lot of things came to light today for all sides. I never thought I'd say this, but I almost feel sorry for them. I think…" He paused, tilting his head thoughtfully, and then his features set in resolution. "Sakura-chan," he called quietly, and when she reached his side, he placed his unsullied hand on her shoulder. "I know what you want to do…and I think you should do it."

Sakura stared at him in surprise. "Are you sure?

Again a thoughtful, almost wistful expression passed over his face, and he nodded. "Yeah."

She regarded him a moment longer, then smiled. "Coming?"

"Of course."

"This should be interesting," Kakashi said under his breath, and fell into step with them as they began to cross the field.

They approached cautiously and slowly, and when Naruto and Kakashi stopped several feet away, Sakura continued forward. Pein watched their approach, and now regarded Sakura with cold, ringed eyes that betrayed nothing of his thoughts.

"If you'll allow it…I will tend your injuries," she offered carefully. Slowly lowering herself to kneel a couple feet from him, she reached out a tentative hand.

He caught her wrist quickly, and not gently. Sakura's breath caught uncertainly as her teammates behind her tensed. She almost thought she heard a crackle of Raikiri for a split second. But Pein merely stared at her, his breathing unnaturally elevated, those intense eyes boring into her with the barest hint of reservation.

"Konan," he said finally, voice harsh with fatigue and pain. "Help Konan."

Sakura quietly released the breath she'd been holding and nodded, then crossed in front of Pein to reach his partner, the woman who, strangely, had played an almost sisterly role in her life over the last year. Pein had rolled her onto her back and wiped the dirt from her ashen face. The white flower from her hair lay crumpled and ruined in the muck near her shoulder. Sakura wouldn't deny that she did feel some relief to find the older woman was alive.

There wasn't a mark on her, but she was in serious condition. When healing Konan before, Sakura had learned that the physiological composition of her body had been altered somehow in order for her to split into paper. The paper was part of her, and those papers that had been destroyed could not be reassimilated. In this case, the large amount of paper lost to the fire had resulted in hypovolemia – shockfrom massive blood loss. Fortunately, while the condition was serious, it was relatively easy for a skilled medic to fix. Sakura quickly stabilized her blood pressure and sped up her natural blood production. The process took several minutes but wasn't too taxing, though Sakura had already been feeling lingeringfatigue from healing her own injured comrades.

When Konan was stabilized, she returned to Pein and reached out once more. This time he didn't stop her from touching him.

"She will be fine, though she needs a lot of rest and fluids," she said quietly as she placed her palms over his chest, suppressing her surprise at finding a collapsed lung from the stab wound. That explained the abnormal breathing, but she was amazed that he'd still managed to fight so intensely with such an injury.

"This body matters more than the others," she ventured quietly, focused on her work. During the battle she had seen him sacrifice one of the others, using it as a shield to protect this one.

"It is the only one that matters," he replied after a pause.

"But it isn't your own."

"Not always. But we are one now."

There had been a third. Sakura knew it now to be true. Madara had spoken of it, referring to a boy named Yahiko. He had called Pein something else…Nagato. Yet Pein had just confirmed this body she was healing was not originally his. She had no idea how such a thing was possible, and doubted she would ever find out how or even _why_, but she was sure now that the face she associated as "Pein" was Yahiko, and the one who spoke to her from inside was Nagato.

"You were a spy," he stated tonelessly, interrupting her thoughts.

"I was," she confirmed slowly. "But we were all lying about something, weren't we."

"And Deidara?"

She glanced up and met his penetrating eyes. "Deidara didn't know anything until the end. He turned because he didn't like being deceived, which is exactly what you did, so think about that before you blame him. And I want you to know that I did agree with you about many things…just not your methods. I did what I had to, to protect what's precious to me."

Pein didn't reply to that, and several minutes passed before he spoke again, once he saw her tiredly wipe her damp brow with the back of her arm while keeping one glowing hand on him.

"Why do you do this? Why, when you are exhausted and injured yourself. Why would you help us?" He hadn't taken his eyes her.

It took her a moment to form an answer. "Because we were comrades…of sorts," she said finally. "You treated me with respect, and even though I think you're more than a little insane…I respect you too. You're a good leader and an intriguing person, and I regret that we can never really be true comrades. But…being enemies from this point on is a matter of choice."

"She's right, you know," Naruto cut in, walking forward a few steps.

Pein regarded him warily; under her palms, Sakura felt him tense, but he remained still. He had to realize they wouldn't allow a healing session if they intended to fight.

"I think I understand something now. I think you and me…we're the same." He boldly crouched down to Pein's level, showing no fear at being so close to the last Akatsuki, which, being the last jinchuuriki, was a big statement.

Pein regarded him flatly. "The same."

"Yeah. I think you've had a lot of pain in your life. I think you've been through a lot of really hard shit. You're angry that the world is such a fucked up place and that you couldn't protect the people you loved. So you became so powerful no one could ever take anything from you again, and you vowed to do everything you could to keep the people around you from knowing the same pain you'd experienced.

"I've been there. I know what it feels like to hate the world and everyone in it. But then I made some friends, precious people…and then I also learned what it's like to not be able to save them. But instead of letting all that shit ruin me, I learned from it. I learned that the only way to change things, to make sure nobody ever goes through what I went through ever again, is by acceptance, by reaching out to people and working together. The world will never be without pain, and no one can change things alone. Not me, not you, not anybody. All we can do is protect the people we love, and try to make our little corner of the world a better place for the people who come after us.

"You have an entire village of people who look to you for protection, and they will continue to look to you in the future. Don't look so far ahead that you forget where you started from…Nagato." He finished with his trademark sunny grin.

"You would let us go?" Pein questioned eventually. "You will not get another chance to kill me."

"I'm hoping I don't need one," Naruto replied. "It's true that I have plenty of reasons to hate you and want to kill you. But holding onto grudges and hatred is what got us all here in the first place. It's what made Uchiha Madara go off the deep end and destroy so many lives. I don't want to be like the people before me…so it's time to break the cycle and move on. It probably won't be easy…but if you give up your plans for world destruction then we don't need to keep being enemies. I think maybe we could even help each other."

Over the course of their exchange, Pein had stared at Naruto with the barest hint of a frown, which now evolved into an expression of undisguised perplexity. It was strange, to see him with emotion on his face. And after seeing them together for the first time, Sakura couldn't help but notice a bizarre resemblance between them, and suddenly wondered if perhaps Pein saw something of his lost friend in Naruto. Whatever it was, Pein – Nagato – saw something that made him doubt himself, even if just a little; it showed in his strange ringed eyes.

Here was someone who had experienced the same pain, but had learned an entirely different lesson from it. Someone who had learned how to not be lonely, how to never give up even in the face of insurmountable odds. Someone who had learned to ease that pain, not by inflicting the same suffering on others, but by letting others lift the burden through friendship and acceptance. Someone who had learned how to _forgive_. It went against everything 'Pein' had taught himself to believe in, everything he had structured his existence around, but even so it resonated with some part of him, perhaps long-buried and denied.

"You are clearly lacking sense," Pein declared, staring at the other man as if he were an alien creature.

Naruto laughed outright. "Not the first time I've heard that. But hey—I've made it this far."

Another long moment passed before Pein spoke again. "Your particular brand of idealism is…intriguing." Almost to himself, he added, "There is much to think about in the days ahead."

He looked to Sakura, and she nodded that she was finished. With no outward sign of pain or fatigue he moved to Konan's side and lifted her as he stood. He turned toward them again, and all signs of expression were once again absent from his face.

"Tell Konan…I appreciate everything she's done for me…and thank you," Sakura told him with a faint smile, glad that they didn't have to kill two people she had come to respect and even admire.

Pein nodded once to her, an acquiescence, and perhaps a 'thank you' as well, and then without any visible hand seals, they vanished.

The rain ceased, and tiny rays of light broke through the black clouds as they dispersed and began to slowly drift away.

#

When they had gone, the weary Konoha shinobi gathered and took care of the other bodies, pulling out the black chakra rods on Sakura's instruction and then burning the remains.

Naruto put his arm around Sakura's shoulders and steered her toward a cluster of unearthed boulders, where he forced her to sit. "I order you to use the rest of your chakra to heal yourself," he said with friendly sternness. "And it's okay if you pass out; we'll just carry you back."

Knowing there was no way to win this argument, and that he not only outranked her but also had her best interest at heart, she sighed and did as instructed.

"I wish I could have done more during the fight. Instead I got impaled and sidelined for the whole thing," she grumbled as she unwrapped the bandages around her thigh and pulled out her canteen to clean the wound.

Naruto gave her a look. "Tsunade-baa would slap you silly if she heard you saying that," he admonished. "We all can fight, and yeah, you can brawl with the best of us and destroy like an enraged elephant," he grinned at her warning glare, "but one thing you can do that none of the rest of us can is _heal_. The ability to save a life is ten times more valuable than the ability to take one, Sakura-chan. I shouldn't have to tell you this."

"I know," she admitted with another sigh. "I just wanted to bash Madara's head in like everyone else, I guess."

"He had it out for you, so honestly I'm glad you weren't up close and personal in that fight," he said pointedly.

She nodded reluctantly. "I'm just glad Deidara got to have his revenge too," she said quietly. "It was nice…what you did."

"Heh." He shifted a little awkwardly, not really knowing how to explain his motive. It was the least he could do after… "I just understood, that's all," he muttered.

Sakura, who knew him too well, simply smiled.

"I'm gonna go help out," he said after a moment.

"Okay," she replied without looking up. She was clearly exhausted.

Naruto doubted she'd be awake in the next thirty minutes. He left her there and joined the disposal effort. When they had finished and everything was a pile of ash, he waited until the others had gone to approach the man who still walked a little separate from the group.

"Why did you do it?" he asked, though it came out more of a reluctant mutter.

Deidara stopped and faced him squarely, eyes slightly suspicious. "Do what."

"Deflect those shuriken."

Understanding passed across Deidara's features and he 'tch'd in annoyance, like he didn't feel he should have to explain himself, even though Naruto thought it was a pretty big deal and he knew everyone was going to talk about it later.

"Sakura cares about you," he said. "You're really important to her for some reason and she went through a lot of hard shit just to keep you safe. It would all have been for nothing if you got yourself killed over something stupid like that, yeah.

Naruto studied him a moment, trying to figure out if there was more to it than that. He suspected there might be, but the guy had a hell of a poker face. He let it go, but there was still something that needed to be said before they could move forward.

He fixed the other man with his most serious look. "I can move past all the stuff that happened in the past and accept you being one of us. But you know Sakura is my best friend. I've been with her through all the ups and downs in her life, and believe me—there's been a whole lot of downs. She's been hurt badly in the past, and I won't let it happen again. If you don't plan to make her the happiest woman on earth – if you hurt her or abandon her – I will make you regret it."

Deidara rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Fuck, you just won't let it go until I spell it out for you!" He crossed his arms and shot Naruto a very pointed glare. "I'm not going to hurt Sakura. I _love_ her. I would have been perfectly fine if we'd just disappeared to somewhere after leaving Akatsuki. But after being with her every day for the last year and seeing what she went through, I know that as much as she loves me she won't be truly happy if she can't be with the other people she loves too. Her happiness is important to me, so I'm here, and I've put myself through a lot of shit I never thought I would tolerate so that we can be together the right way. I haven't done it all just to turn around and leave her. And if she ever _does_ get hurt…I'll be right there next to you inflicting a very painful death on that person." He huffed once more as his temper cooled. "Now that I've bared my fucking soul, are you satisfied?"

They stared each other down. Finally, Naruto grinned. "Good enough for me," he conceded blithely. He could tell Deidara meant every word, and it was precisely what he'd needed to hear. Maybe, he thought to himself, he just might be able to like this guy someday.

"Let's go," he said, turning in the direction of the others, "you've got a pardon to sign." After a few steps he cocked his head back over his shoulder to add, "Oh and you'll probably have to carry your girlfriend home."

Deidara smirked, which of its own accord evolved into a grin, and with an amused sigh and a faint shake of his head, he followed after.


	24. Dust in the Sunlight

**Vertigo**

Chapter Twenty-Four: Dust in the Sunlight

* * *

Three days later, in the silent hour before dawn, three former Akatsuki gathered one last time outside the village's imposing gates. Sakura fought off a shiver, wishing the thin material of her lab coat did more against the chill in the air. She had pulled an all-nighter at the hospital, treating the injured Sand nins as they came in over the last several hours.

As hoped, their allies had caught up to the mercenary army and defeated them with the help of a small forward contingent from Konoha, and since Konoha was closest to the battle site, the injured had been brought here. Tsunade had been with her in the hospital, but Naruto had stayed up with Kankurou and Baki all night, going over logistics and further tactical plans. Madara and Akatsuki may be gone, but there were still three villages planning war on Konoha. The gates were closed now due to the threat, and the only witnesses to their meeting were the ANBU patrolling the walls.

Tired as she was, Sakura felt wide-awake. A year ago she'd never have believed she would come to call Uchiha Itachi a friend, and certainly would never have thought she'd be sad to say goodbye.

"Are you sure you won't stay?" she tried one last time, her breath a barely visible puff in the chill, moist air. "Naruto has no problems exposing the truth and pardoning you." She inched closer to Deidara, leeching some of his body heat. Her shoulder still ached a little, and the cold wasn't helping.

Itachi, wearing dark colors and a long travel cloak, again declined the offer. "It's better for everyone this way. Exposing the truth would only shake the village's faith in its leadership." Instead, the agreement was that he would be listed as dead, giving him the chance to disappear and start another life. "Besides…" his gaze turned inward, and a wistful look briefly crossed his features, "…this place holds too many memories for me."

Sakura understood that, and nodded sympathetically. "Do you know where you'll go?"

"Why, are you planning to visit?" A ghost of a smirk played on his lips. It seemed as if a weight had lifted from him with Madara's death. He was still perpetually somber, but the gloomy aura that had always surrounded him was gone, replaced by something more peaceful.

She made a playful face at him. "No. Well…who knows. Maybe someday. Unless you have a problem with that…"

Itachi didn't answer that, but after a moment of thought he said, "I believe I'll go west…or perhaps north, somewhere where there are no hidden villages and shinobi rarely travel." He paused, then softly added, "I have always liked the sea."

Sakura understood his cryptic reply for what it was: an invitation of sorts. He wouldn't have mentioned anything if he never wanted to be found. Suddenly a thought occurred to her. "Kisame went west too. Could it be you know where he is, or plan to find him?"

Itachi regarded them both, as always carefully considering before he spoke. "I have no intention of looking for him, but it is likely we will end up in the same place." He almost left it at that, but eventually revealed more. "Just over a year ago, a mission sent us to the land beyond Earth country. The assignment took a few months to complete, and during its course we lodged in a small town by the coast. Unexpectedly, our stay became more of a reprieve than a mission. That place…it had an almost cathartic quality. I think we both found some measure of peace there," he finished quietly.

There was a lightness to his expression that Sakura had never seen in him before; one step further and he would be smiling. She had seen that same look in others, and she prided herself on her ability to read cryptic people. "Maybe in that place…there's some_one_ you wish to return to?" she ventured slyly.

Itachi didn't confirm or deny her guess. "Perhaps you will learn the answer to that if you are ever able to find me."

She couldn't help but smile. The idea of Itachi having a secret lover somewhere was strange, but…nice. She hoped it was true, and hoped he found happiness. "I'll consider that a challenge, then."

Itachi looked to Deidara, who hadn't said a word the entire time. "I know you realize what a rare chance you've been given," he said, meaning Sakura, Konoha, and many other things someone with his life and past shouldn't bother to hope for. "I hope you don't squander it."

Deidara didn't scoff or glare at the advice as he once would have. He had adopted a more relaxed attitude toward Itachi in the last few weeks, since learning the Uchiha wasn't really an emotionless bastard, but rather someone who held many secrets and wore a carefully crafted mask. They would never be friends, but they were a little closer to developing a mutual respect.

"I won't," he replied, and to emphasize his point, he reached for Sakura's hand. She smiled happily at him.

Satisfied, Itachi lifted his pack onto his shoulders and glanced toward the lightening horizon. "I want to get as far as possible before daylight."

The moment had come to say goodbye. Sakura stepped forward held out a hand, and when he took it she raised the other and clasped his hand in both of hers. "Thank you, Itachi. For everything."

Itachi gave a solemn nod. "Thank you as well, Sakura." He stepped back and regarded them both a final time. "Farewell." He turned to the west, and a second later flickered out of sight, leaving in his wake a lingering sense of mixed emotions.

Sakura remained smiling after he had gone, and turned back to Deidara. He smiled in the soft way he only did for her, and she linked her arm through his as they headed back inside the gates.

* * *

Life continued as it always does, one day at a time, everyone moving forward with their lives. Three months passed by in a blur, and one very early morning Sakura found herself climbing the winding stairs to the top of the Hokage tower. Staying awake all night and witnessing the first light of dawn usually meant there had been some crisis that couldn't be solved without her help. However this time, it was for an entirely different, much happier reason, and although there was a bit of a tired plod to her steps, and maybe a little inebriated sway as well, a smile lit her face as she reached the top and saw she wasn't the only one who thought a little fresh air was a good idea.

She wouldn't have expected to find him alone tonight; every time she'd seen him over the last several hours he'd been surrounded by a crowd of well-wishers. The current absence of an entourage was probably due to the fact that nearly everyone was passed out in various locations around the village by now. The entire village had become one giant party around ten o'clock the previous morning and continued all through the night, and would probably continue for the next few days as everyone young and old celebrated the inauguration of the Rokudaime Hokage.

Taking a moment to watch him unnoticed as he stood at the railing and looked out over his village, her smile widened as she took in his appearance; tall and proud, but still so open and warm, his unruly gold hair catching the first rays of sunlight, a faint autumn breeze fanning the hem of the long white coat he'd had made in honor of the man whose legacy lived in him, a man he'd never known but had always felt connected to – for many years not even knowing why. He knew now, of course, as did everyone in the village. She had only ever seen the Yondaime in pictures, but Sakura felt certain that wherever he was in the next life, no man could be prouder of his son.

Naruto was aware of her presence now, and he turned to smile at her as she crossed the distance to stand beside him. The air was cool, but the slight remnant of fading intoxication kept her from feeling it much. She braced her hands on the railing and leaned his way, bumping him playfully with her shoulder.

"Haven't seen you in a while," he remarked pleasantly, bumping back.

"I helped Shizune get Tsunade-sama to bed," she replied, an exasperated smile forming at the memory of a very drunk retired Hokage sprawled out on a sofa across the laps of Izumo and Kotetsu – her two overworked chuunin aides, both of whom would have undoubtedly been terrified or embarrassed or both if they hadn't been unconscious themselves.

Naruto chuckled, not needing an explanation to know the task had been easier said than done. "I'm sure she's gonna thoroughly enjoy her retirement."

"I'm sure she will," Sakura agreed, "even though she's only semi-retired." Tsunade planned to continue overseeing things at the hospital. She would probably continue advising Naruto as well, at least until he got the hang of it. Being Hokage was going to be a very different sort of job than the one he was used to, a fact he was already learning. "How are things going with the Raikage?" she asked.

"Eh, he's a pompous ass…"

"I remember," she said dryly.

"But other than that it's going well. He's open to the idea of an alliance, though it'll probably take months to work out all the details. I doubt Cloud will be true allies like Sand, but at least a treaty will keep them from any funny business."

Konoha had averted the threat of war through weeks of careful negotiation, and by revealing the shocking truth about Uchiha Madara. Mist and Cloud immediately withdrew, considering themselves forced participants in the entire affair, despite the fact that they voluntarily sold themselves to Akatsuki. Stone was less inclined to stand down, as always. Their army continued to advance to the Fire border even as negotiations continued, as if they fully anticipated all talks to fail. A few minor skirmishes occurred when they came a little too close to the border, which raised tensions even higher. For many days it seemed war was inevitable. But in the end, loss of their allies and lack of any true motive led Stone to withdraw, though it was by no means under peaceful terms. Hidden Stone would always be a shadow threat to Konoha – out of sight, perhaps, but never out of mind.

Stone never learned that one of their missing-nin now resided among their enemies, but Suna learned of Deidara's new affiliation the day after they brought their injured to Konoha. Kankurou had to be physically restrained from attacking the man who had invaded his village and hauled his little brother away to be killed. Sakura, whom he respected greatly for saving his life, was eventually able to talk him down. Barely. Naruto took an emergency trip to Suna to meet with Gaara and discuss the issue in person. He'd just begunto accept Deidara himself, and advocating for him wasn't easy, but the two of them eventually came to an agreement: the Kazekage would tolerate – in essence, _ignore_ – Deidara's existence among the Leaf, under the condition that he was never to come within fifty miles of Suna. It wasn't perfect, but it was an arrangement everyone could live with.

"Anyway," Naruto continued lightly, "enough of that. It's the party of the year—in _my_ honor—" he added cheekily, "and I don't want to think about politics."

"Yes, Hokage-sama," Sakura teased with exaggerated deference, even bowing a little.

Naruto rolled his eyes, bumping her sideways again. "I don't want to hear that from you, Sakura-chan. It's just too weird."

"It is kind of weird, isn't it? Though I always knew you'd do it someday." She paused thoughtfully. "A Hokage before twenty-one…you're the second-youngest ever, I believe."

"That's not saying much, considering there's only been six of us," he chuckled.

"It _does _say a lot. It's a big deal." Her expression softened. "I'm really proud of you, Naruto."

He beamed at her. "Thanks."

They were quiet for a while, watching the sunrise together, listening to the first stirrings of the waking village – those who were sober enough to be awake, or unfortunate enough to be on duty. Several minutes had passed when a slow smile brightened Naruto's features and he turned to face her.

"What?" she asked curiously.

"I'm gonna ask Hinata to marry me."

"That's so great, Naruto!" She threw her arms around his shoulders in an ecstatic hug. "I'm so happy for you. Both of you! When are you going to do it?"

He shrugged a little as she released him. "Sometime in the next couple weeks, probably. I'll have to plan something great." Suddenly his grin faltered slightly, and he looked to her with a hint of anxiety. "She'll say yes, right?"

"Of course she'll say yes, you idiot! She's only been in love with you since we were ten!"

His grin returned full-force. "So I've heard from everyone by now. I can't believe I never realized."

"You were pretty daft about a lot of things back then," she reminded teasingly.

Naruto nodded, scratching his head as he reflected. "Yeah, but it's more than that. I always knew somehow that I would be Hokage, and I thought by doing that I would earn everyone's respect, and that would have to be enough. I never thought about all the other stuff, like friendship and love and people who care about me for _me_. Every day I think about how lucky I am." His smile brightened again. "But now that I'm a somebody, Hinata can be proud to have me as a husband, right?"

Sakura had known for a while that her best friend held these hidden insecurities, but he was always so sunny and bright and smiling, it was easy to forget he still didn't fully believe he'd earned his place in their hearts. "You were always a _somebody_, Naruto," she admonished softly. "It was wrong, the way people treated you back then. But there is one person who has _always_ admired and believed in you," she finished pointedly.

"I know. And that's one of the biggest reasons I want to marry her."

"Just make sure you're ready to catch her when your proposal makes her faint."

Naruto laughed quietly.

"Where is she, anyway?" Sakura wondered.

"She's sleeping on the couch in the – _my_ – office. You know she's not much of a partier, but she didn't want to leave since it was my big thing. I should take her home soon." He paused, and then brightened. "Hey, will you help me pick out a ring?"

"Of course…" her smile turned mischievous, "…Hokage-sama."

"Argh, would you stop!"

"Okay, okay," she relented. He slung his arm over her shoulders affectionately, and she leaned into him. "I'm really happy for you. You deserve all of it."

He grinned awkwardly, and remained smiling as he regarded her, but his eyes were serious. "Are _you_ happy, Sakura-chan?"

She nodded easily, but her voice held a hint of wistfulness. "I am. But I won't deny that it's different now. I've changed, and I know too many things, and because of that this place isn't what it once was to me."

"You know…you don't have to stay if you're unhappy here," he said quietly, and she could hear how hard it was for him to say it.

"I want to stay," she reassured quickly. "I would never abandon my friends, and Konoha is my home. Too many bonds tie me to this place to ever leave it. Even if it's different, there's no other place I want to live out my life." She nudged him playfully. "And believe it or not, Deidara wants to stay too." She took a deep breath and smiled. "I _am_ happy."

"I'm glad," he said, squeezing her shoulders. "And, I am starting to believe it…about him."

Sakura gave him a knowing smile. "I told you you'd eventually like him."

"He's alright," he muttered grudgingly. "You know," he said after a moment, stifling a yawn, "all this official stuff is more exhausting than battle. I'm pretty beat."

"Same here," she said. "Have you seen Deidara around?" She hadn't seen him since helping her mentor stumble home.

"Last I saw he was in the middle of a drinking contest with Kiba down in the reception hall." The large hall on the main floor of the Hokage tower was rarely used, but tonight – last night, rather, as it was technically morning – it had been ground zero for the village-wide celebration.

Sakura huffed a soft laugh; Kiba didn't know what he was getting into. She hugged Naruto once more, this time including a kiss on the cheek.

"I'll probably see you before then, but in case I don't: good luck on your mission. And be careful," he said.

"I will." She turned to go, and was halfway across the rooftop when he called out to her from behind.

"Don't forget you promised to help me pick out a ring!"

Sakura turned partway to reply, "First thing when I get back!" A grin lighting her face, she headed down the stairs and inside the tower.

* * *

Deidara wasn't hard to find, partly because she knew where he was likely to be, and partly because he was one of the only people left awake. Kiba was still with him, but even from across the room she could see the he was done for, slumped over the tabletop with his shaggy head resting on one arm, the position leaving his face rather comically smooshed. Akamaru was passed out under the table. It wouldn't surprise her if the enormous dog was as drunk as his master.

Deidara sensed her approach – only a little slower than usual – and smiled at her as she moved over to him. "I'm guessing you won," she said wryly, reaching out to tease her fingers through the end of his ponytail.

"Hn," he murmured smugly, leaning his head back into her hand and rolling his neck once. She got the hint and began rubbing his tendon with her thumb. He leaned into her further with a contented sigh, making her smile.

"Hey Kiba," she greeted. "Looks like you met your match." The only reply from the half-conscious man was an incoherent groan. Sakura smirked at his woeful state, and reached out to touch two faintly glowing fingers to his temple.

"You do that and he'll want a rematch, yeah," Deidara remarked, with only the barest trace of a slur.

She raised a suspicious brow at her lover. "You're not very drunk. Did you cheat?"

A smirk curled his lips. "I'll never tell."

"He dint chee," said Kiba, coherent enough now – thanks to Sakura – to string a passable sentence together. Almost. "I wach'd 'im. Bastard's not hu…" he hiccupped "…human. I'm tell'n ya."

"Whatever you say, man," Deidara chuckled.

Sakura silently reveled in seeing him interact positively with her friends and comrades, a thing which was becoming more frequent as time passed. Slowly, one by one, they were becoming _his_ comrades too, and she hoped someday they would also be his friends.

Deidara's transition into life among the Leaf hadn't always gone smoothly. It took a while for the threats to stop, and even longer for the glares and snide under-breath comments to subside. For a while it seemed like he was in a fight nearly every day as some new random shinobi – or a few – tried to get their point across that the former Akatsuki wasn't one of them. The Hokage allowed it as long as no jutsu was used, because no matter what a few signatures on a piece of paper said, Deidara wouldn't be respected as one of them until he earned his place among the troops. And so he did, and a lot of egotistical young punks got a taste of what it was like to go toe-to-toe with an s-classed shinobi. It didn't bother Deidara much: as a missing-nin he was used to random attacks, and he enjoyed 'demonstrating' his superiority to those who challenged him. Eventually they backed down, because those who didn't usually ended up with a few broken bones and the realization that it would have been much worse had Deidara been serious.

To the more rational and less testosterone-driven, acceptance came much easier. Especially once word got around that Deidara fought side by side with Leaf nins against Uchiha Madara and had even saved Naruto's – their Hokage's – life. There were still nine months left before he was fully pardoned, and clearly some remaining attitudes to be untangled before he really fit in among Konoha shinobi, but Sakura looked forward to the day he donned a Leaf hitai-ate.

Once things calmed down and people's interest moved on to the next bit of gossip and scandal in the village, life took on a somewhat more predictable rhythm for Deidara, becoming oddly normal. These days he spent much of his time at the training grounds, where his reputation and ranking made him an ideal opponent for those looking to test their skills to the max. He trained often with Team Kakashi as well, and had even gone on a couple missions with them when Naruto couldn't. It was unlikely that he would become a permanent replacement, though; his unique skills made him more suited to solo work and recon. Sakura would miss working with him every day, but having a life with him – a real, normal life – more than made up for a string of missions.

Their new, spacious loft apartment was a perfect fit for them: lots of windows and light, a spare room where Deidara could work on his creations, and plenty of room for her many shelves of books and scrolls. Sakura absolutely loved it, as well as all the little things that made up their life together. Coming home to each other every day. Sitting with him in his studio; sometimes watching, sometimes reading in the chair by the window. Sharing meals at home, or going out on the town. Falling asleep together every night and waking up in his arms. Breaking in every surface of their new home in bouts of spontaneous sex – proving their passion for each other was as strong as ever. Sakura couldn't be happier, and wouldn't trade this new life for anything.

But normal life held its own set of challenges for Deidara. In his life until now, normalcy had been _abnormal_. He'd never known a "home" or a sense of "day to day." He wasn't used to mundane things like folding laundry or taking out the trash. Sakura worried at first that he would find it tedious and grow bored. Deidara had a lot of energy and tended to become destructive when extremely bored, creating his own thrills by acting out. She had worried he would want to leave. But he was happy, he assured her, and she believed him because it showed. Stability in his life seemed to create stability in his volatile personality as well. He would always be eccentric and hot-tempered – not to mention arrogant – but his turbulent nature had calmed a lot since settling into this new life with her.

Freed from the never-ending uncertainty of a missing-nin's life, removed from the oppressive violence and strife of the only world he'd known for so long, Deidara's fundamental need to channel his energy through creativity had manifested in new ways. The artist in him had reemerged with fresh inspiration and excitement, growing in a direction he never would have if he'd remained a missing-nin. There were opportunities now that hadn't existed before, for him to show his genius to the world and be recognized for it in ways other than fear and infamy. Konoha had gained a treasure in him, and Deidara would gain the recognition he craved and deserved.

A long, drawn-out snore interrupted her reflection. "Is that Hana?" she asked, nodding toward the other person slumped over the table; an equally shaggy head of long dark hair half-buried beneath toned female arms.

"Yup. Lashted almos' as long as me. Thass my sis!" Kiba grinned proudly. He raised his head halfway, just enough for Sakura to clearly see the long, thin scar bisecting his left eyebrow—a remnant of the battle against Uchiha Madara. Looking back, it was a miracle they all survived.

Pushing away darker thoughts, she gave a teasing smirk. "I wish I could have joined. I'd wipe the floor with all of you."

Kiba grunt-snorted at that, and Deidara chuckled and pulled her into his lap. "Only because you cheat," he said, referring to her ability to burn off the effects of alcohol with medical jutsu.

She grinned shamelessly and looped her arms around his neck, pressing her brow against his. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yeah." His hands smoothed over her hips and around her waist.

"You guys gon may me throw up," Kiba groaned, making a face at them.

Sakura gave him a halfhearted glare, though her lips curled in an amused smile. "Shut up, lightweight." She leaned into Deidara and whispered loud enough for Kiba to hear, "I think he's jealous."

Kiba's unruly head lolled to the side and he managed to raise one hand to flip them off. "Psshhhh."

They both laughed at him; even his scoffs were slurred. She turned back to Deidara. "We should go and get some sleep. We still have to pack later."

"You guys goin ona misshin?" He hadn't bothered to raise his head that time.

Sakura nodded, though he couldn't see it. "Another diplomatic mission to Ame. We leave tomorrow, and we'll be gone about a month this time, so we have a lot of prep to do."

His glassy eyes widened briefly. "Yur crazy fer goin there by yurselves."

Deidara shrugged indifferently. "That's the way Pein wants it, and besides, if he wanted to kill us he would've tried already, yeah."

That wasn't to say there hadn't been a great deal of trepidation the first time Sakura and Deidara journeyed to the Rain village as liaisons of Konoha. Reconciling with the village that once sheltered Akatsuki was a bumpy road at best, and then to add the fact that Sakura had been a spy under Pein's nose and that she and Deidara had both betrayed the organization and defected…Sakura's stomach had knotted with anxiety for days.

The former Akatsuki leader had demanded the two of them and no one else as the ambassadors for peace talks. At first everyone thought he intended to take vengeance on them, but in the end Sakura came to believe that— all lies and betrayals aside— he just didn't trust anyone else within his vicinity. They were familiar, and before everything went down, their relationship had been comfortable, even amicable. Not having to overcome distrust and animosity was a major stepping stone toward building peace.

Seeing Pein and Konan again had been awkward at first, with no more secrets between them, but eventually became sort of pleasant. This would be their second trip since Naruto and Pein had come to a tentative truce on the battlefield, and this time Sakura was actually looking forward to it—even if the thought of staying in that wet, dreary city for a month was less than thrilling. The city may still be dark and depressing, but one thing that had changed was its leader. Like Itachi, it seemed as if a great burden had been lifted from Pein's shoulders with Madara's downfall. He wasn't as detached anymore. He seemed to have woken from a deep sleep and finally taken a good, long look around himself. Sakura had a feeling maybe Nagato had finally come out from wherever he'd been hidden all these years. Konan apparently thought so as well, for she had taken to calling him by his name more often than by the title he gave himself. He didn't seem to mind.

No one thought it would work at first. Trying to create peace with Rain and its 'deified' leader appeared to be taking Naruto's renowned idealism too far. Many believed it would fail with dire consequences. But Naruto had an uncanny power to make people believe in him and enlist in his causes. Sometimes he seemed more like a miracle-worker than a shinobi. Even knowing this about him, to Sakura and everyone else it had seemed almost impossible. But as he'd done time after time, he made it work somehow. They were moving forward. It felt like the dawn of a new era.

"Well, gud luckh," Kiba slurred. His head lolled forward again, hitting the table with a soft thump. He was out like a light.

"Thanks," she told the now-unconscious shinobi. She rose from Deidara's lap and he stood as well. Careful not to step on any shinobi passed-out along the way, they quietly left the Hokage tower.

The sun was just peeking over the horizon, and the birdsong coming from the nearby trees seemed almost too loud in the silent streets. Sakura leaned against Deidara as they walked, a contented smile on her face as she watched little specks of dust kicked up by their boots glow for a moment in the streaks of sunlight before floating away on the air. She grasped his hand, swinging them a little as they walked. Fingers intertwined, she observed their flesh-colored nails, the blackening of the ring jutsu having faded and grown out over several weeks. She was glad they had returned to normal. Her time in Akatsuki had permanently marked her in other, less visible ways.

It hadn't all been bad, though. She had even formed some relationships she would loosely describe as friendships. Most of all, she had discovered a kind of love she never thought she would find, turning her life in a wonderful new direction. She regretted nothing, and in the end, she was grateful for the experience.

"I'm pretty tired," Deidara remarked, cutting through her thoughts. He glanced down at her with his usual smirk. "But I'm also kinda hungry, yeah."

Now that he mentioned it, food did sound like a good idea. "Hm, I am too. Want some breakfast when we get home?" After a moment she added, "I'll make bakudan."

"Mm, my favorite," Deidara said, blue eyes lighting up at the mention of the bomb-shaped, stuffed rice balls.

Sakura arched a brow at him. "I know."

His grin softened, and he affectionately trailed his knuckles between her shoulder blades as he leaned down slightly to kiss her temple. "Love you," he murmured into her hair.

Her smile widened playfully. "I know."

Deidara chuckled, and his fingers trailed down to the small of her back, where they continued to move in light circles. They walked another block before he tilted his chin musingly and said, "I've changed my mind. Breakfast can wait."

She looked up at him curiously. "You just want to go to bed then?"

"Hmm…bed, yes. Sleep, no."

Sakura let out a mirthful, laughing squeal as he scooped her up into his arms. With a flash of that crooked grin she loved so much, he leapt onto a low-hanging roof and sprinted with her toward home.

* * *

The End

* * *

"_We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."_

– **Sam Keen**


End file.
